LET'S FIND A GUY FOR YOU!
Your search for a great guy begins here! Below are articles, books and helpful information to guide you on your journey to find that one great guy who’s perfect for you!
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Guest Post Written By Lana Otoya Lana is a professional dating coach for successful women at Millennialships.com. She helps successful and confident women meet successful and confident men.When you...
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Strategies for Finding a Great Guy
Are you tired of dating losers? Do you feel like you find a guy only to discover he is somehow worse than the last one? Do you just want to find a great guy?
Every Saturday morning, I wake up wondering how many people didn’t meet last night because one of them was too afraid, too shy or lacked the confidence to walk up to someone they’re interested in and initiate a conversation.
I hear this all the time – “Gregg – where are the good guys?”
Trust me, they’re out there and they’re just as frustrated. They want to find the great women too! There are a few challenges standing in your way!
- Uncovering the true root cause of the problem
- Learning where to look, who to look for and what to look out for so you don’t snag another loser
- Understanding men so you can read the cues, manage your relationships and get what you want
Many people turn to outside forces to explain failures. If you don’t get a promotion, it’s because someone stole it from you. It has nothing to do with the fact that the person who did get the promotion was probably more qualified.
When it comes to looking for Mr. Right, you may head either to the bar or to your computer. While you may have some luck in online dating, the truth is that you’re more likely to find Mr. Right in places you’d never expect. Often, when you’re out and you see an interesting man, you just misinterpret what he’s thinking.
There is a huge disconnect between what women think are the purposes of men’s thoughts and actions and what those purposes really are. This isn’t your fault, after all, you’re not a man. Once you learn to understand men, this disconnect will turn into successful connections!
How To Find A Boyfriend: Understand The True Problem
Your subconscious and unconscious minds mess with your thinking to protect you from feeling the uncomfortableness of the truth. That’s why it’s so easy to blame someone else when you know, deep down inside, you’re at fault. We all do this.
When you seek external causes for your problems, you aren’t able to truly address the problem. It is only when you look within that you find the cause and are then able to fix things. At its core, the problem is most likely low self-esteem and low confidence.
As we sift through a few signs of low self-esteem and low confidence, you will likely see some that hit pretty close to home. That’s great because once you find the bad roots, you can chop them off and let new, healthier ones grow!
You’re Very Needy
Neediness equals low confidence. When you’re needy, you need a man to feel whole. This isn’t a healthy way to enter a relationship. The problem is something’s missing in your life, but it’s not a man. It’s true happiness.
Happiness comes from being true to yourself. It’s found when you look at your values and live your life to honor your values. If you value good health but engage in unhealthy behaviors, you’re not in tune with your values. If you value money but blow every paycheck because you’re trying to fill that void, you’re not living true to your values.
Instead of trying to fill the void with things, uncover your values and work toward living an honest (with yourself) life. Work toward ending behaviors which fly go against what you truly believe.
You have “A List”
You have createe the wrong list or a very long list of criteria for Mr. Right. A stringent list is a shield. No man can meet all that criteria. You don’t have to put your heart out there just to get it broken…again. Look at your list. Can any man meet your requirements?
What does your list say about finding a man who values volunteering for your favorite cause? Is there anything on your list about whether or not he values the money he makes or blows it on his wardrobe (yes, men do this too)?
Your list should help you find a guy whose beliefs, values and goals are closely aligned with yours. You don’t want to find a guy who hates to travel if one of your goals is to travel the world.
You’re Too Quick to Write Him Off
When you first meet a guy, don’t expect the immediate spark. Don’t look at him from date one as if you’re planning a wedding. Just sit back and begin to learn who he truly is. This will take more than one date.
Have fun with him without the pressure of wondering if he’ll propose. Don’t look for milestones where none exist.
Give things time and see what develops. Men rarely fall in love on a first, or even a fifth date. They fall in love in a kind of ah ha moment – they suddenly realize they’d rather be with you than their friends. They suddenly realize they’re still intrigued by you and still chasing you after four or five months. You want to do the same. Don’t mistake lust for love.
It’s Easier To Be Alone Than To Settle
Waiting for the perfect guy isn’t a bad thing, as long as you know what he looks like when he arrives. The longer you wait, the more ‘perfect’ he must be. You think “I’m not getting any younger” or “I’m only going to do this once”. A lot of pressure is placed on a relationship.
It’s easy to come up with fake flaws. You don’t like his shirt or he’s got a man bun. You don’t want to date a dentist or a truck driver. When you’re not confident, you believe being alone is better than settling for fake flaws.
Come up with three must-haves. Should you share the same faith? Should he want children? Is he an environmental type or into animals? Pick your top three and make them musts. The rest is negotiable.
Your Confidence and Self-Esteem Need Some Work
Women often tell me their confidence at work is high but their dating confidence is low. Is your confidence in all areas of your life is lower than you’d like? You’re not alone!
Building your confidence doesn’t mean sticking your nose in $100 worth of books. It means finding the right book, like Comfortable In Your Own Shoes to guide you.
Nobody is harder on you than you. Every flaw you perceive in yourself is magnified like you’re looking through a fun house mirror. Negative self-talk doesn’t boost your confidence or ability to believe in yourself.
When you begin using affirmations and positive self-talk, you see an immediate improvement in your self-esteem and confidence! Men can sniff out low confidence women easily so you’re not fooling anyone! Take time, while you’re single, to improve yours!
You Have The Wrong Friends
Don’t scoff. Your friends are often the gateway to a great guy. Someone knows someone and bang, you’re set up.
The problem is when your friends aren’t in healthy relationships themselves or are emotionally unhealthy people.
Since we tend to draw people to us who are most like us, looking at what your friends have going on can clue you in to what you’ve got going on.
Don’t hang out with friends who only want hookups if you want a steady beau. If your friends are cheaters or have their own commitment issues, they’re not your best resource.
Additionally, friends like this bring you down. They’re more negative and we’re going for positive! Find your healthy, positive friends. Hang out with them! These are the people who will bring healthy connections into your life!
Are You A Closet Man-Hater?
Some women have been burned so many times by losers that they’re man-haters. Do you find yourself saying things like “All men suck” or “They’re all cheaters”? You might be a man-hater. Do you believe every break up you’ve experienced was his fault? Perhaps you hate every one of your exes. If any of these describe you, you’re sending out a man-hater vibe.
The only mistake you’re really making here is generalizing your own bad experiences to the entire male population. We’re not all bad, I promise. The real question to ask is why are you drawing in these losers? The most clear-cut answer is that you need to boost your self-esteem and confidence. Losers are drawn to low-confidence women. They’re the only ones who will date them.
I Could Keep Going
I really could go 10,000 words on other reasons, but why when I have written books to help you?
To avoid dating losers again, Weed Out The Users, The Couch Potatoes and The Losers is the key! Inside this book, I describe:
- Characteristics of losers and users, as well as Mr. Right so you can know which one you’ve snagged
- How to figure out if you’ve captured a loser or user
- The best way to dump a loser if you’ve captured one by mistake
- How to build yourself so Mr. Right will be knocking down your door
- How to spot the very dangerous and ever-present narcissist
Does He Like You or Your Friend?
Sometimes, when you’re hanging out with friends, you’ll catch the attention of a great guy, but is he looking at you, or is he looking at your friend?
How Do You Find A Guy And How Do You Draw Him In?
Okay so we’ve addressed some of the reasons why you’re not finding a great guy. Now, it’s time to figure out where to meet him and how to draw him in. Hopefully by now, you’ve read Comfortable in Your Own Shoes If not, you may want to reconsider and get it. This book:
- Helps you turn around negative self-talk
- Guides you through setting, and attaining goals in your life
- Encourages you to face your fears and go for it
- Teaches you the value of meditation and calming life down a bit
- Uncovers the value of visualization and walks you through creating your own vision for your life
Great men are everywhere. They’re looking for confident women with high self-esteem. They know what confident women look like to them and they’re searching – for you! The most likely problem you have is not looking for Mr. Right where he is.
The high value man is not hanging out at a bar unless his friends drag him there, especially if he’s in the market for a great woman. Bars are where men usually go for hookups or what I like to call rest stops. In order to find a guy, you need to look where he is. Seems logical, right?
When you know where to look, the rest becomes easy. In the following few paragraphs, I’ll begin to outline where these great men are and how you can find them!
How to Find a Boyfriend The Old Fashioned Way
Why not use some old fashioned methods to find a guy? Before we had the Internet and cell phones, men and women met one another in more traditional ways. Who knew, right?
Women are always surprised when I give them this suggestion for finding a guy. Start out by brainstorming maybe 50 different ideas for hobbies, things you’re passionate about, adventures you’d like to take, etc. Now, narrow that list down to ten. Get on Meetup.com or use another resource to choose two of these ideas and get moving.
When you do this, you expose yourself to new groups of people you have things in common with. This takes the pressure off of meeting a man and helps you focus your energy on what you love. Finding a guy becomes the byproduct, not the goal.
Find A Guy At The Shelter
No. I don’t mean to seek out a homeless guy. I’m saying your great guy is volunteer effort away. Maybe he’s serving at the local soup kitchen or he’s at the local animal shelter walking dogs.
When you’re confident, you’re participating in activities and you have things in your life about which you’re passionate. Maybe it’s tutoring children or volunteering at your church. Finding a guy whose passions and interests are similar to yours gives you the opportunity to build intimacy together through activities you both enjoy. You start your relationship on common ground.
While finding a great guy is one part of the challenge, the other part is keeping your great guy, once you find him. That’s a topic for a different day but know that sharing interests is one great way to bond.
Find A Guy While You’re Having An Adventure!
What better way to find a guy who likes to hike than to bump into him while you’re hiking? Hit the trails and see what, or who, turns up. If hiking isn’t your thing, try kayaking or even just hanging out at the beach? If you’re into antique cars, go to antique car gatherings or visit a local car museum.
Get out in life and do things. You’ll never find Mr. Right by sitting at home, wallowing in how lonely you are. For an added bonus, make your adventure something that you’re afraid of like white water rafting, sky diving or doing one of those rope bridge excursions. There are tons of ways to get out and experience life, most of us just busy ourselves with nonsense to avoid doing something we’re a little afraid of.
How to Get a Guy to be Interested in You
Find A Guy With Confidence
In my best-seller, The Social Tigress, I teach women how to round out their confidence with a few challenges. This is done while also guiding you on where to find great men. This book gives you:
- Four immediate steps you can take, right now, to start attracting men
- Five (almost) guaranteed ways to meet quality men
- A shift in your mindset from feeling lucky to be chosen to becoming the chooser!
- Techniques to attract men without using sex
- Tools to recognize and avoid the shark in the room
This book has helped hundreds of women navigate the single scene and find a great guy! If you’re over 40, a better book might be Middle Aged and Kickin’ It, which targets your different stage in life. In this book, we look at the impact of coming out of a long-term relationship and how you can begin to move forward in your dating life. You will learn to:
- Manage the baggage which comes with dating over 40
- Feel amazing in your body, regardless of your perceived flaws
- Have fun while dating and avoid getting too serious too quickly
- Navigate this new phase of your life with confidence and pizzazz!
These two books begin to lay out the dating scene for you. Regardless of your age, you’ve got what you need to get started in those two books!
Find A Guy With Science
As it turns out, there is science behind attracting a guy you’re interested in to you. In my book Night Moves: The Science Of Making Him Fall In Love With You, I outline the exact steps you need to take to take one glance to possibly forever. I’ll give you one insight from the book: red lipstick attracts men!
This book holds all of the secrets to drawing a man closer to you:
- The clothing you wear
- The five steps you must take to draw him to you
- Mirroring and the concept of similarity
- Body language techniques you must know before you go out again
- An overview of love languages and how to use his
This book holds so much more than those few bullet points. The information inside this book was thoroughly researched but it’s been presented to you in a non-science way so you’ll get it. If you’ve read any of my books before, you know I’m not a complicated writer!
Understanding Men: Your Final Key to Finding a Guy
No lesson on how to find a guy would be complete without teaching you how to understand men. Women have complicated minds. You’re able to multi-task and communicate much better than men can. Men, on the other hand, have rather simple minds. I’m not saying they’re dumb. They’re just less complicated than you think!
To wrap up your find a guy, let’s talk about one of my top selling books, To Date A Man, You Must Understand A Man. This book is a must-have for any woman, regardless of her dating situation. If you’re in a relationship, you need this book. If you’re looking for a man, you need this book. And if you just broke up and you want him back, you need this book.
That just scratches the surface of what you’ll learn:
- How to communicate with him like his male friends
- How men determine a keeper
- Three things men require
- Five mistakes women often make without knowing it
- A method to test him and find out if he’s the one
This book uncovers the secrets to understanding a man, such as the secret covered in the video below.
The Final Anchor in Understanding Men
The final book I want to share with you today is 10 Secrets You Need To Know About Men. This is sort of a follow-up book for To Date a Man, You Must Understand A Man. This book goes more in-depth about 10 particular qualities in men that women often fail to understand. Things like:
Why men get spooked and bolt
Why they hide their emotions
Reasons for a man’s inability to commit
Why he still wants to hang out with his friends, even though he has you
The importance of competition and how you need to use that to your advantage
Both of these books guide you through understanding men on a deeper level. They bring many of the questions you have about male behavior to light and give you solutions you can easily implement in your life immediately!
There you have it – all the steps on how to find a boyfriend. Now let’s get to work. You can talk directly with me through my books. My email is in the back.