You Are Who You Date
We all get caught in ruts in life – we find ourselves eating the same foods, wearing the same clothes, hanging out in the same bars, and dating the same type of people. You reinforced this in your comments of my last few blog posts and I thought maybe we needed to dig a little deeper to see what this “same” personality type says about you.
Generally speaking, we attract the type of person who exhibits the traits in us that most need fixing. You are who you date. Having said that, we also all probably carry around small pieces of each of these traits – it’s just when they begin to overwhelm your life that they become harmful. What does who you date say about you? Let’s find out.
I begin with this guy because he has particular appeal to many women. This guy practically charms the pants right off of you with his smooth-talking, perfectly groomed, highly successful persona. At first blush, this guy is G-R-E-A-T, but when you peel back the layers, he’s condescending, demanding, self-centered and egotistical.
If you are attracted to this type of guy, you may carry the very same characteristics. While it seems as if the person with this type of personality trait is confident, the opposite is actually true – you are lacking confidence.
If You Think This Shoe Fits
If you think this describes you, rest assured there is hope! Probably the best thing you can do is to learn how to listen. Narcissistic people tend to dominate the conversation.
Rather than initiating a conversation, then immediately starting to drum up your response, just listen and really ‘hear’ what the other person is saying. When it is your turn to talk, rather than come up with your ‘better’ story, respond to theirs with empathy.
Want to understand the different types of men and how to date them?
I had some fun writing Manimals because I got to describe different types of men, whether they’re datable or not and how to date them when they are. Because that didn’t seem like enough, I then profiled several types of women and paired them up. Now, you can identify which type of woman you are and learn which type of man might be the best fit for you!
- Explanations on why you are dating the wrong type of guy now
- An in-depth study of what I like to call the Relationship Train To Failure
- 15 things every woman needs to know about men
- My best-ever discussion on what challenge and mystery are, why they’re important and how to use both to your advantage!
You know this guy – he can’t make a decision to save his life. He is full of excuses – “I couldn’t call you last night because I had to [insert lame excuse] instead.”
This type of guy is dwelling on the past – whether it’s your past history together, a negative in his past, or maybe one in yours that you have shared. Finally, this guy won’t commit. His standard mantra is “I’m not looking for anything serious right now”. He likes you but…not right now, not ever.
A woman who attracts this type of man probably feels she doesn’t deserve anything better. It is likely that someone in your past has disappointed you in a big way and you have not moved past it. You may even have been a victim of abuse or neglect.
If You Think This Is You
You need to begin telling yourself that you do deserve a good life and a good guy. You need to build your confidence and learn to forgive your past and everyone in it who may have hurt you. My book, Comfortable In Your Own Shoes can help you develop a new mantra and start a journey to a more confident you.
Mr. Diamond in the Rough
This guy is the one you think you can ‘fix’. He has flaws and you see them, plain as day, but you’re convinced that you are the woman who can turn him around. You’re gonna make him your project! He probably feels, and maybe even says that he doesn’t deserve you.
If this is your type of guy, then you are probably in the habit of making excuses for others – “He didn’t mean to skip dinner with my parents – he must have gotten caught up at work”.
If You Think This Is You
Look back through your past to see what mistake you are still trying to fix. Your need to overcompensate is rooted there. By fixing someone else, you feel that you are really fixing your past. Well, now it’s time to get to it – fix your past. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and move on. Fixing someone else will never repair your own soul.
Parts 2 and 3
Next week, in part 2, we’ll go over a few more personality traits that get in the way of successful relationships. Our last conversation on this topic will focus on the best methods for you to begin attracting the right guy – through understanding yourself and working to fix these traits in you.
Do You See Yourself Here?
Do any of these ring a bell with you?Share