There are several misconceptions about being in love and I feel like we should get those out of the way before we talk about how to know when you’re in love.

How to Know You’re in Love | What Love Isn’t

It’s not a Fairy Tale

One common misconception about being in love is that it should feel like a fairy tale. Many people believe that love should be perfect and without conflict, but in reality, every relationship has its ups and downs. Love is not about avoiding conflict, but about navigating it effectively and growing together.

It Isn’t All Passion

Another misconception is that love is all about passion. While passion is an important component of love, it is not the only one. True love also involves commitment, trust, respect, and mutual understanding. It’s not just about intense feelings, but also about building a deep connection with another person.

It Isn’t an All-Consuming Fire

Many people also believe that being in love means being completely consumed by the other person. This is not healthy or sustainable. It’s important to maintain your own identity and interests outside of the relationship. Being in love should not mean losing yourself.

Being in Love Won’t Solve Your Problems

A fourth misconception is that love can solve all problems. While love can certainly help in dealing with life’s challenges, it is not a cure-all. Both partners need to be willing to work on their issues individually and as a couple.

Love Isn’t Easy

Lastly, there’s a misconception that if you’re in love with someone, the relationship should be easy. Love is hard. It takes hard work and dedication to keep things moving rrorward. Many people don’t recognize love as a verb, but being in love is a lot about your actions, not just using the words.

Decoding the Language of the Heart: What Does Being in Love Really Mean?

Now that we know what love isn’t, lt’s look at what love is. What does it mean to be in love?

Being in love goes beyond the dizzying whirl of butterflies fluttering riotously in your stomach when you catch a glimpse of your special someone. It’s more than those stolen glances and whispered sweet nothings. Being in love transcends the surface-level enchantment and delves deeper into the realms of respect, compatibility, and shared desires.

The Comfort of Togetherness

If the mere presence of this individual elicits a feeling of comfort and peace, it could be love. Love offers an emotional shelter, filled with understanding, support, and warmth. The person you love is like a safe harbor in the stormy seas of life.

How to Know You’re in Love | Seeing Beyond Flaws

When you’re in love, you don’t just tolerate but truly accept the person in their entirety, quirks and all. You see their shortcomings, not as flaws, but essential parts that make them uniquely who they are. You admire their perfections and embrace their imperfections, understanding that nobody is perfect, not even you.

Valuing Their Happiness as Your Own

Finding yourself genuinely invested in the other person’s happiness often suggests you’re in love. In love, their joy becomes your joy and their pain becomes your pain. This empathetic connection builds a strong bond, one that is able to weather adversities.

Envisioning a Shared Future

It’s often a significant sign of love when you can’t visualize your future without them. When you make plans, whether it’s for next month or five years from now, they’re there, an essential part of your journey.

How to Know You’re in Love | Enduring Love is Resilient

Finally, love is resilient. Love motivates you to stick it out even during hardship because you believe in the strength of your bond. The challenges you face together aren’t roadblocks— they’re opportunities to grow together, to further understand each other, and to build a dynamic that’s virtually unshakeable.

Remember though, love looks and feels different to everyone. It’s an experience that is deeply personal. Trust your feelings, listen to your heart, and let love guide your journey. After all, love is a journey, not a destination.

Everyone’s Favorite Four-Letter Word: Defining Love in Your Terms

What does love mean to you? It’s a question that warrants an honest answer. Love can be endearing, nurturing, explosive, and every bit as comforting as a hot cup of coffee on a freezing winter morning, or as exhilarating as a roller coaster ride. But what does it mean to you?

Love doesn’t wear a one-size-fits-all tag. Your definition of love shouldn’t be influenced by Hollywood rom-coms, cheesy novels, or romantic poems. Instead, it should be based on your personal experiences, values, and aspirations.

Romantic love, familial love, platonic love, self-love – each carries its own weight and meaning. Within those broad categories, there’s your own, unique interpretation. Because whether you’re a hopeless romantic, a pragmatic partner, or a bit of both, your love can look different from anyone else’s.

Your experience of love means sharing your most intimate secrets in a soundproof room of two, or whispering sweet nothings over a busy dinner table. It’s the silence of understanding, or the chorus of shared laughs. It’s the daily grind, or the special moments. All these scenarios are love, and it’s up to you to define what this four-letter word means to you.

Take a moment. Reflect on it. What does love look like to you? How do you feel it? How do you express it? There isn’t a wrong answer. There’s only your answer. And once you discover that, you’re well on your way to recognizing love when it makes an appearance in your life.

Remember, defining love in your terms is empowering and essential. It enables you understand what you need from a relationship, instead of trying to fit into a standard definition that doesn’t quite resonate with you. And that’s okay. After all, it’s your love, your terms, your life.

Love or Infatuation: Breaking Down the Differences

Before we continue, it’s essential for you to understand the fundamental differences between love and infatuation. Often, these two powerful feelings get tangled up and misinterpreted, especially when they come rushing in like a torrent of emotions. So let’s break it down, shall we?

1. Duration: Temporary Infatuation vs. Long-lasting Love

Infatuation behaves much like a sparkler. It burns brightly and intensely for a brief moment then fades quickly, leaving just a residue of what once was. Love, conversely, is more like an ever-burning ember. It keeps on glowing, often flickering but enduring despite the challenges and constraints time throws at it. If your feelings for somebody are still going strong after a substantial amount of time, you might just be in love.

2. Foundations: Surface-level Infatuation vs. Deep-rooted Love

Infatuation is often based on superficial features—appearance, status, or certain idiosyncrasies that you find attractive. On the flip side, love is rooted in profound appreciation of the entire person, including their virtues and vices. When you love someone, you accept them as they are, fully recognizing them and seeing their inner essence.

3. Objectivity: Distorted Infatuation vs. Realistic Love

When you’re infatuated with someone, your perception might get distorted. You idealize them, seeing only their best aspects and ignoring their faults. But when you’re in love, you see your partner for who they truly are, with all their imperfections, yet you still cherish them. After all, love isn’t blind—it sees but it doesn’t mind.

4. Security: Jealous Infatuation vs. Trusting Love

Infatuation can lead to obsessive feelings of jealousy and possession. It wants the other person’s attention all the time and fears losing them. Love, in contrast, is grounded in trust and understanding. It’s secure enough to give space, to respect the freedom and individuality of the other person, and does not fear the potential separation anxiety.

Understanding these distinguishing characteristics between love and infatuation will go a long way towards helping you recognize when you’re genuinely in love. Remember, it’s not the intensity, but the longevity and stability of feelings that matter most when it comes to love.

Beneath the Surface: Physical Signs Your Body Screams ‘You’re in Love’

When it comes to love, the body often has its own language. An increase in happy hormones like oxytocin and serotonin, a quickened heartbeat when you see the person, and even having trouble sleeping could all be signs that you’re falling in love.

1. Expressive Eyes: The Window to Your Heart

You’ve probably heard the saying that the eyes are the window to the soul. When we’re attracted to someone, our pupils naturally dilate, an involuntary response rooted in human evolution. The fascinating thing about the eyes is that they can’t hide authenticity. So, those starry-eyed looks that you can’t seem to stop giving your partner? They might be an evident sign that you’re falling head over heels.

2. Racing Heart: The Love Beats

Is your heart skipping a beat at the mere thought of that special someone? This isn’t just poetic language. Love can actually speed up your heart rate. Research says that when you’re in love, the adrenaline in your body tends to make your heart pump faster. In other words, your racing heart may be much more than just anticipation or excitement; it may be a physical sign of love’s arrival.

3. Butterflies in the Stomach: A Flicker of Love

If you feel those famous butterflies in your stomach whenever you see or think about the one you love, this could be your body’s way of signaling that you’re in love. It’s a literal gut reaction, caused by a surge of adrenaline in the body when you’re in love. Yes, it might make you a little nervous, but it’s a surefire sign that your emotions are kicking into high gear.

4. Trouble Sleeping: Love is the Best Lullaby

As odd as it may sound, if you can’t fall asleep because you’re thinking about the person you unwittingly fell for, it might be a hint that you’re in love. After all, as Shakespeare once said: “Love’s stories written in love’s richest books. To fan the moonbeams from his sleeping eyes.” And that may involve forfeiting some slumber.

There you have some physical signs that your body could be showing that you’re in love. Of course, everyone experiences love differently, so these are not definitive proof, but rather signals to look out for.

The Involuntary Smile: How Love Affects Your Mood

Love tends to paint the world in vibrant colors. You feel energized, relieved, and overall happier. Does it sound familiar? Let’s dig into how love gives you that glow and what science has to say about it.

Natural Mood Enhancer

Ask anyone who’s been in love, and they’ll tell you – the feeling of a crush can brighten your day like few things can. Neurologically, love triggers the release of dopamine, the brain’s pleasure chemical. This gives you an undeniable joyful high, making you giddy with happiness, leading to that charming, inevitably irresistible smile on your face.

Boost in Self-Esteem

It’s common for people in love to feel better about themselves. Your feelings are mirrored in your significant other, making you feel validated, appreciated, and cherished. As a result, you’ll notice a positive shift in your self-perception and self-worth, providing a healthy boost to your self-esteem.

Joy in Shared Happiness

The happiness you derive from seeing your partner happy, content, and fulfilled is a prominent sign of you being in love. This shared joy builds an emotional connection, strengthens your bond, and deepens your feelings for each other. Love has the magical power of making you happier when you’re around the person you love, and their happiness becomes your happiness, making your smile glow even brighter.

Profound Connections: How Love Deepens Relationships

Being smitten with someone doesn’t merely change how you view yourself—it affects how you interact with others, too. In love, we foster deep connections not only with our partner but with the world as a whole. Love fosters meaningful ties that extend beyond romantic relationships, impacting friendships and family interactions.

Love Penetrates Emotional Barriers

When you are in love, you find yourself opening up, expressing thoughts and feelings you’d otherwise keep private. You let down your emotional guard, daring to be vulnerable in the presence of your loved one. This emotional transparency enables profound connections to flourish, deepening your bond and fostering trust, intimacy, and understanding within your relationship.

Love Promotes Empathetic Understanding

Being in love can also transform your ability to understand and sympathize with others. You find it easier to place yourself in your partner’s shoes, experiencing their joys and anxieties as if they were your own. This empathetic understanding creates a shared emotional landscape, inviting you and your partner to navigate life’s ups and downs together—thus encouraging growth and strengthening your relationship.

Love Inspires Positive Changes

Love acts as a catalyst for positive change in oneself. You’re driven to better yourself, not just for your own sake, but also for your beloved. Such transformations could range from adopting healthier habits, nurturing personal growth, to refining social skills. These changes can positively impact your relationships across the board, even outside your romantic involvement.

Mature Love Cultivates Shared Experiences

Almost nothing deepens a relationship more than shared experiences. Whether it’s navigating challenges, pursuing mutual interests, or creating memories, love fuels the desire to spend quality time together. These shared experiences provide a common thread that binds your lives, strengthening your emotional bond and continually bringing you closer together.

Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you’ll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They’re added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

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The Inner Workings of Your Heart: Understanding Your Emotions

Have you noticed a new spectrum of emotions burgeoning within? This could be a telltale sign that you’re head over heels in love. Your emotions, both quiet whispers and deafening roars, play a pivotal role in decoding the language of love. Understanding them isn’t always easy, but it’s utterly rewarding.

An Eruption of Happiness

Remember that bounce in your step, the uncontainable smile, and an unusual bubbling up of joy? Being in love often ignites a fireworks display of happiness inside us. Observing these joyful emotions and their frequency can provide vital cues that you are in love.

A Dance of Desire and Longing

When in love, you might find yourself oscillating between desire and longing. Desire to spend every waking hour with the person, blended with a longing when they’re not around – a dance of emotions that can often point to your heart falling in love.

A Soothing Wave of Calm

Amidst this thrilling rollercoaster ride of emotions, you might also experience a peculiar calm. A serenity that stems from the security of being cared for and valuing someone deeply. If this peaceful emotion washes over you when thinking about your significant other, it’s a strong inclination toward love.

Pangs of Jealousy

No exploration of love’s emotional landscape would be complete without mentioning jealousy. While it is often misconstrued, a dash of jealousy is natural when in love. It’s the concern of losing someone cherished. But beware! If this emotion flares up frequently or violently, it’s necessary to address it healthily and honestly.

A Symphony of Emotions

Welcome to the symphony of love’s emotions – a splendid and complex composition that’s uniquely yours. Understanding these emotions can serve as your compass, guiding you through the labyrinth of love. So pay attention to them. They might whisper or scream, either way, they’re telling you something significant about your heart’s situation.

The Love Evolution: How True Love Grows Over Time

Embarking on a voyage of true love is not a linear journey—it’s a continuous cycle of growth and discovery. Just like a delicate sapling that eventually grows into a strong, sturdy tree, love, too, takes time to mature and become deeper.

Love in the Early Stages

During the early stages, love is like a beautiful, blooming flower, mesmerizing and intoxicating with its vibrant colors and stunning allure. This is where physcial attraction and infatuation hold sway. But as time passes, like a flower that wilts only to bear fruit, love transcends its initial stages, offering something more substantial, more fulfilling.

Remember when you first fell head over heels for your significant other? The palpitations, the wide grins, and those never-ending conversations? That’s the ‘honeymoon phase’ or the ‘passionate love’ phase as psychologists call it. It’s characterized by a high degree of intensity and enveloping euphoria. It’s exciting and exhilarating, but it’s also unstable—much like actual honeymoons, it doesn’t last forever.

A Few Years Later

Fast forward to a few years, or even months, into a relationship. The lightning bolt of infatuation is replaced by a glow of warmth and comfort—that’s the shift towards ‘companionate love’ happening. As the fires of passion take a backseat, what steps in is a deeper sense of intimacy, commitment, and trust. It’s less about the thrills and more about the comfort and security that comes with truly knowing and accepting each other.

True love evolves with time. It deepens years into the relationship when you’ve gone past the surface-level knowledge of each other, navigating through life’s ups and downs together, sharing successes, failures, joys, and sadness. This is often marked with an enhanced sense of understanding, acceptance, and mutual respect.

Keep it Going

It’s important to remember, however, that like everything worthwhile, maintaining love requires efforts. To keep your love evolving, you need to nurture it, invest in it. Surprise each other, show appreciation, have meaningful conversations, and continue dating each other, even if you’ve been together for years. Love that lasts is love that is never taken for granted.

But most of all, evolution in love means evolving together—helping each other grow as individuals, and growing as a unit. It means building a shared narrative while also fostering personal growth. That’s how love not only survives but thrives. Because, after all, ‘happily ever after’ isn’t a destination—it’s a journey, a continuous process of growing, nurturing and evolving love.

Wrapping Up: How to Know When You’re in Love

So, how can you tell when you’re truly in love?

Love feels comfortable, yet exciting. There’s a sense of peace, even when things go awry. You know, deep down inside, that you can weather whatever life throws at you as long as you have your special someone by your side.

Second, being in love means accepting and loving your partner for who he is—flaws and all. He’s not perfect, but in your eyes, he’s just right, in all of his perfectly imperfect glory.

Third, a clear sign you’re in love is when you start valuing his happiness as much as your own. His smiles bring joy to your heart and his tears bring a lump to your throat. True love means caring about his wellbeing, sometimes even more than your own.

Envisioning a future with him is another hallmark of love. You see him in all your tomorrows. You want to wake up next to him, grow old with him, endure the ups and downs of life together—that’s real love.

Lastly, true love is resilient. It doesn’t burn out when the honeymoon phase is over. It’s not swayed by fights or conflicts. It endures, through thick and thin, highs and lows, till the end of time.

Figuring out if you’re in love can be a bit of a puzzle. But understanding how love manifests, recognizing its physical and emotional indicators, and differentiating it from other intense feelings, like infatuation, can make the picture clearer. The journey to uncover whether you’re in love can be baffling and overwhelming, but remember, love is just as much an art as it is a science, and the excitement lies in experiencing it.

So go ahead, soak in the beauty of love and never be afraid to follow your heart.

You are researching the best way to do one of the most difficult things we face as humans – how to break up with someone you love.

As you’ve probably discovered already, love isn’t always enough to make a good relationship. In fact, it’s never enough. Many other things go into happy relationships.

Today, I want to walk you through the process of knowing if this is the right decision and navigating your new post-breakup world. I’m ready if you are!

What are the signs that it’s time to break up with someone you love?

One of the strongest signs that it’s time for a breakup is a persistent feeling of unhappiness. If you find yourself consistently unhappy, and no amount of communication or effort seems to change that, it could mean it’s time to move on. Relationships should inherently bring joy and fulfillment. If it’s the opposite, it may be time to reevaluate.

Another indicator is when the relationship becomes overly draining. Emotionally, mentally, or even physically – if the relationship is consuming more energy than it’s worth, causing you stress or angst, these are signs worth looking into. A healthy relationship should equally provide support and rejuvenation, not constant exhaustion.

Love is about growth and evolution, together. If your personal growth is being hindered or you’re evolving in different directions, it could form irreconcilable differences. Having different life paths is completely normal, but if you’re unable to find a satisfying middle ground, it can lead to discomfort and resentment, painting a picture that it might be time to break up.

Lastly, pay close attention to your gut feelings. Intuition is powerful and it often knows the truth before you’re ready to accept it. If deep down you feel something is off, it may be worthwhile to explore those feelings further, either alone or with a professional counselor.

Remember, making the decision to break up does not mean you’ve failed. It means you value your happiness, wellbeing and ultimately your future. Trying to hold onto a relationship that has expired its course could potentially become toxic. It’s much healthier to recognize when it’s time to let go and yield to new beginnings.

What are the steps to navigate a break up with someone you love?

The whole process of breaking up with someone you love can often feel like navigating through a tumultuous sea. It requires thought, tact, and care. To help you navigate this journey, follow these steps:

1. Make Sure You’re Certain

Before making a decision with the potential to affect both your life and his profoundly, you need to be sure. Love can sometimes blind us to the point where we may overlook major problems within the relationship. Reflect, journal, or even talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your feelings. Understand that this decision will push forward irreversible changes.

2. Establish a Calm and Private Environment

The setting plays a significant role in how the conversation pans out. Choose a quiet, private place, which will allow both of you to express your feelings without restraint. Avoid places that hold emotional significance – they might add an extra layer of difficulty to the process.

3. Be Honest- Yet Kind

When communicating, be honest about your feelings but do it in a kind and caring way. Let him know you still care about him, but need to prioritize your own happiness at this time. Avoid pointing fingers or assigning blame.

4. Respect His Feelings

His reaction may vary drastically. From shock and disbelief to sadness or anger. Emotions will run high, and that’s perfectly normal. Respect his feelings and give him space to express himself. It’s okay to comfort him, but be careful not to give false hope.

5. Look Forward to the Future

Even though it’s sad and difficult now, remember that time heals all wounds. Look forward to discovering yourself again and getting back to who you were before this relationship. Eventually, you will move on and find new love.

Going through a break up with someone you love is heart-wrenching, but necessary at times. Look within, act with kindness, prepare for the aftermath, and keep trust in the future.

What are some tips for communicating effectively during a breakup?

Communicating effectively during a breakup allows both parties to express their feelings and thoughts honestly and openly, which in turn enables a degree of closure. Here are several tips to help you communicate effectively during this difficult time:

1. Plan What You’re Going to Say

It’s important not to rush into this conversation without any prior preparation. Consider practicing what you want to say in advance. This will help you deliver your message more smoothly and ensure you cover all critical points.

2. Use ‘I’ Statements Rather Than ‘You’ Statements

Using ‘I’ statements rather than ‘You’ statements can help you express how you’re feeling without blaming or accusing your partner. For instance, say “I feel like we’re moving in different directions,” rather than “You’re not committed to this relationship.”

3. Stay Focused on the Conversation

Ensure the conversation remains focused on the breakup and not on past fault-finding or blaming each other. It’s easy to let the conversation stray off-course, so remember the purpose of this discussion is to convey your intentions clearly.

4. Listen to His Perspective

It’s crucial to give your partner space to voice his thoughts and feelings. Even if you’re ending the relationship, it is important to let him express his side of the story. It might even give you a better understanding of the situation, and it shows respect towards his feelings.

5. Be Patient and Understanding

Keep in mind that he might not react or process the situation in a way you expect. Be patient with his responses and show understanding to his feelings. It’s essential to uphold his dignity during this challenging time.

Remember, every breakup is different, and your approach should reflect your unique relationship dynamic. But effective communication through the process can smooth the path towards healing and moving on.

How to maintain self-respect while ending a relationship

Decisions involving the heart are never easy. Empowering yourself to face the pain and make the necessary tough calls is the epitome of self-respect. Nurturing your self-esteem during this emotionally-charged process requires some thoughtful action.

1. Reflect on Your Reasoning

Before you take any action, take some time to reflect on the reasons leading to your decision. Start by being honest with yourself. This may be a bitter pill to swallow, but acknowledging your own needs and regrets validates your decision, which in turn reinforces your self-respect.

2. Avoid Blame Games

Blame may provide a short-term relief, but rarely fosters a healthy breakup. Shifting blame on your partner or even yourself only creates resentment and disharmony. Keep the focus on differing life goals or compatibility issues rather than pinpointing faults.

3. Show Empathy and Compassion

Few things are more respectful than sincere empathy and compassion. Recognize the pain he must be feeling and honor it. Your gentleness could aid in the healing process for both of you, and sincerity can help ensure that the breakup doesn’t turn bitter.

4. Keep Boundaries Defined

Post-breakup, establishing clear boundaries is pivotal for mutual respect. Do not let your ex tamper with your peace of mind. This could mean limiting contact or even blocking his number, if necessary. Ensure your decision is stated clearly and respected.

5. Seek Support

The end of a relationship, even one that’s not functioning, often brings a wave of grief. Don’t isolate yourself; instead, surround yourself with a support group. This could be friends, family, or a professional counselor. Let them remind you of your worth when you feel low.

Breakups are a part of life, albeit a difficult one. Remember to love and respect yourself through this journey. Your relationship status doesn’t define you – your actions and responses do. Practice self-care, seek support when necessary, and above all, know that it’s okay to prioritize your own happiness.

What are some strategies for coping with heartbreak?

The aftermath of a break-up can be a whirlwind of emotions. But remember, heartbreak is also a path for personal growth and self recovery. Start by giving yourself the time to heal. Everyone’s journey is different, and it takes time to work through these feelings. The following are some core strategies you can use to help cope with heartbreak:

1. Accept the Pain

Embrace the pain instead of pretending it doesn’t exist. Acceptance creates a foundation for healing. This pain is evidence of your ability to feel deeply, and it’s okay to grieve a break up with someone you love.

2. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences

A strong support system is essential during this transition. Spend time with friends or loved ones who can offer a comforting presence and a listening ear. Positive influences can help lift your spirits and remind you that you’re not alone.

3. Practice Self-Care

Take care of your emotional, physical, and mental health. This could mean taking a long walk, participating in a favorite hobby, reading a good book, or enjoying a calming bath. Simple self-care activities can contribute to an overall sense of well-being during this challenging time.

4. Seek Therapy if Needed

There’s no shame in seeking external help when coping becomes too challenging. Professional therapists can provide you with a means to navigate your feelings and provide you with effective coping strategies.

5. Use Reflection as a Tool

Reflect on what you’ve learned from the relationship and the breakup. This can help you gain closure and foster personal growth. While it may be hard, eventually this heartbreak will lead to a stronger version of you.

What are some common mistakes to avoid when breaking up with someone you love?

Breaking up is arduous and daunting, however, certain inadvertencies during this phase can spiral the situation out of control. Let’s dwell on five common mistakes to evade while ending a relationship with someone you love.

1. Utilizing Cliches

Despite good intentions, resorting to clichés such as “It’s not you, it’s me” can leave your partner confused and frustrated. Such statements are often seen as insincere and vague, obscuring the real reasons behind the breakup. Be honest yet considerate while articulating your feelings and thoughts. Don’t obscure the truth, but express it gently.

2. Bad Mouthing Your Ex

Plunging into negativity after the break up fuels hurt feelings and may damage both your reputations. Keep the details of your relationship and breakup private. This preserves respect, prevents additional hurt, and aids in the healing process.

3. Giving False Hopes

Avoid giving misguided hopes of reconciliation during a breakup. If the separation is final, ensure your partner comprehends the situation to avoid prolonging the pain.

4. Engaging in a Blame Game

Pointing fingers and blaming your partner entirely for the break-up will merely intensify negativity. Accept your part in the relationship’s end. Not every breakup occurs due to one person’s fault; sometimes relationships simply don’t work out.

5. Promptly Moving On

Rushing to start a new relationship post breakup often signifies disrespect towards your ex-partner and might be seen as an attempt to provoke jealousy. Allow yourself to heal and reflect on what you learned from the past relationship before hopping into a one.

Having an effective self-care routine is crucial to your daily peace and happiness, but many people falsely believe that self-care is simply taking a hot bath with a glass of wine and some candles.

There are so many other ways to enjoy a self-care routine and this book walks you through them, providing you with many choices on how you can implement a self-care routine into your schedule. 

What are the tips for setting boundaries after you break up with someone you love?

Setting boundaries after a breakup can be a challenge. There may be lingering attachments and emotions, making it difficult to establish an effective boundary line. However, boundaries are essential in maintaining your mental and emotional health. To help, we’ve listed a few tips below:

1. Be Clear About Your Expectations

It’s crucial to be clear about what you will and won’t accept post-breakup. Communicate your boundaries effectively and assertively. This might seem challenging, but your well-being must be a priority.

2. Avoid Unnecessary Physical Contact

Avoiding physical contact can help keep boundaries defined. This might mean not hugging or staying in other intimate scenarios while you both come to terms with the breakup. It’s crucial not to confuse comfort with the rekindling of feelings and emotions.

3. Limit Communication

Limiting communication is often essential in establishing boundaries. While completely cutting off may not always be possible or desirable, reducing contact can give you the space to heal and build your independent identity.

4. Keep Your Distance

Though remaining friends may be idyllic, it’s advantageous to maintain a certain degree of distance. This might involve avoiding familiar shared spaces to minimize awkward encounters or not attending mutual social events until you both are fully healed.

5. Be Firm With Your Decisions

While it’s crucial to be considerate of your ex’s feelings, don’t waver from your decisions when it comes to your boundaries. Remember, you set these boundaries for your well-being and peace of mind.

Setting boundaries after a breakup is a journey that requires time and patience. So, be gentle with yourself as you navigate through this phase.

How to deal with guilt after a break up with someone you love

Dealing with guilt following a break-up can be one of the most challenging aspects of ending a relationship you once held dear. However, it’s crucial to remember that guilt, like other emotions, is a normal part of the human experience and is especially likely to surface during periods of significant change. It doesn’t make your decision to end the relationship wrong.

1. Acceptance is the first step

Acceptance is the first step towards dealing with guilt after breaking up with someone you love. It’s okay to feel guilty—it means you empathize and realize that your actions have implications on others. Accepting your guilt doesn’t mean you endorse it. Instead, it’s about acknowledging it as part of your emotional spectrum and understanding it’s a natural response to a significant emotional event.

2. Understand Your Reasons for Ending the Relationship

Ensure you’re clear on why the relationship had to end. You made this decision for a reason, and it’s important that you reaffirm those reasons to yourself. Remember, making the best decision for your wellbeing may sometimes mean hurting someone else and that doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s not about creating an exhaustive list of faults, but rather, about understanding the circumstances and realizing that staying wouldn’t have been healthy or fair for either of you.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Forgive yourself and practice self-compassion. The fact that you feel guilty after the breakup shows your humanity, but it shouldn’t chain you in perpetual self-condemnation. Accept your flaws, grow from your mistakes, and recognize that you’re a human being capable of experiencing a range of complex emotions. The guilt you’re feeling may be painful, but it can also be a tool for growth and emotional maturity.

4. Allow Time to Heal

Time can be your strongest ally when it comes to dealing with guilt after a breakup. You’ll need time to process your emotions, come to terms with the end of a significant relationship, and begin to heal. There’s no rush, and it’s completely okay to take all the time you need. The pain won’t go away overnight, but rest assured, it will lessen as the days turn into weeks and months.

Wrapping Up: How to Break up with Someone You Love

Ending a relationship is difficult – no matter how much you care for him. You’re dealing with your own emotions and his potential hurt and disappointment. This process can be grueling, but by following the suggestions we’ve discussed, it can be respectful and compassionate.

Deciding to break up with someone you love shouldn’t be taken lightly so find a calm and private environment to have this conversation. Be honest and kind about your reasons for wanting to end the relationship, and respect his feelings throughout the process. Focus on the future, and understand this is a step towards personal growth and happiness for you both.

Communication is crucial during a breakup and preparing what you’re going to say can save you from stumbling over your words or saying something you’d regret. Using ‘I’ statements rather than blaming makes it a healthier conversation. It’s equally important to listen to his perspective and be patient and understanding.

Breakups often bring loneliness, guilt, and heartbreak so allow yourself to grieve and feel these emotions. Surrounding yourself with positive influences, practicing self-care, or seeking therapy can help your healing process. Refrain from engaging in behaviors like bad mouthing your ex or giving him false hopes to maintain a friendly atmosphere post-breakup.

Come to terms with your guilt through acceptance. Understand your reasons for ending the relationship and practice self-compassion. Allow and give yourself, time to heal.

Setting boundaries after the breakup gives you time and space to deal with your emotions. Defining your personal space, limiting communication, and keeping your distance all contribute towards a healthier recovery.

Breaking up with someone you love is a highly personal and individual choice. There are ways to navigate it so it’s more respectful and compassionate. Remember to take care of yourself during and after the process.

Whether you initiate the breakup or he does, there are things you’re either going through now or will go through very soon. For example, did you know that your body is addicted to love? It isn’t just the name of a song – it really happens!

He’s Gone Now What provides you the tools to heal and move forward into a new relationship in a healthy and confident way. You can begin your healing journey today!

Understanding the psychological aspects of love can greatly enhance your ability to navigate your relationships. One of the first things to understand is that love is not just a feeling, but a complex interplay of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs. It involves attachment, intimacy, and care, and these elements are influenced by both our personal experiences and our biological makeup.

Love often begins with attraction, which is largely influenced by physical appearance and shared interests. However, it’s important to note that attraction is not solely based on these factors. Psychological aspects such as personality traits, values, and attitudes also play a crucial role. Understanding this can help women to look beyond the surface when seeking a partner.

Attachment is another key psychological aspect of love. This is the deep bond that develops between people who spend a lot of time together. It’s influenced by factors such as the level of comfort, safety, and security that a person feels in the relationship. Women should understand that a healthy attachment involves a balance of dependence and independence.

Intimacy is a crucial component of love that involves sharing personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences with a partner. It’s important for women to understand that intimacy is not just physical, but also emotional and intellectual. It requires trust, openness, and mutual respect. Building intimacy takes time and effort, and it’s essential for a meaningful relationship.

Lastly, love involves care, which is the willingness to prioritize another person’s needs and happiness above your own. It’s important for women to understand that care should be reciprocal in a healthy relationship. It’s not about self-sacrifice, but about mutual support and understanding.

The Science of Attraction

When it comes to the game of love, not everything is left to chance. In fact, the attraction between two people is hardly a mystery. It’s science! Your brain, hormones, and senses all play a crucial role in determining who you find attractive. So, perhaps it’s time to delve a little into this fascinating subject.

Our Brains: Oxytocin and dopamine, two brain chemicals, largely play a role in attraction. Oxytocin, often referred to as the ‘love hormone’, is released during touch and intimacy, fostering a sense of connection and trust. Dopamine, conversely, favors the ‘reward’ system in the brain, making us feel pleasure and satisfaction. So, if you find yourself magnetically drawn to someone, you might want to thank these little participants!

Hormones: Other than those in our brains, hormones like estrogen and testosterone are key contributors as well. Interestingly, women prefer the scent of men with high testosterone levels, especially during the most fertile period of their menstrual cycle. On the other hand, men are attracted to women with higher levels of estrogen, which suggests femininity and fertility. It appears as if nature has its subtle ways of bringing people together!

It’s all about chemistry, literally. The secret of attraction lies in the unique combination of chemicals in our bodies.

Senses: It’s not just about seeing or talking to someone that makes them attractive – quite often it’s also about their smell! Pheromones, chemicals that are secreted in our sweat and other body fluids, are believed to play a crucial role in attraction. They are subtly carried through the air, triggering specific responses among members of the same species. So next time you find someone’s scent strangely alluring, remember it might be their pheromones working!

Last but not least, looking attractive often extends beyond sheer physicality. The way a person thinks, their perspectives, and their sense of humor can all significantly impact perceived attractiveness. So, while understanding the science of attraction is fascinating, remember that every person is unique, and it’s that uniqueness which will ultimately make them truly irresistible.

Advice on Love and Attachment

Let’s touch on a crucial aspect of love: attachment. Attachment refers to a deep emotional bond with someone else. It’s the feeling that keeps you coming back for more, the one that triggers your heart to beat faster when you see your loved one, and gives you the shivers when you hear their voice.

While everyone experiences attachment differently, there are several universal stages that most people pass through. Allow me to walk you through them, and help you navigate this essential part of a blossoming relationship.

The stages of attachment

1. Initial attraction: This is sparked by physical attraction, shared interests, or a magnetic personality. It’s during this stage that you’ll likely feel butterflies in your stomach and an intense interest in getting to know the other person more. It’s exciting, but remember, it’s only the first step of many.
2. Building a connection: Here, you’ll start spending time together and exploring shared experiences. You’ll get to know each other on a deeper level, revealing your true selves, and potentially even revealing your vulnerabilities. It’s when infatuation gives birth to deeper emotions.
3. Mutual recognition of attachment: This is when it ‘clicks.’ You both acknowledge your feelings and decide you want to be in a relationship. As joyful as it can be, it should also be a period of serious discussion—about exclusivity, future plans, and shared expectations.
4. Lasting attachment: This is the long term, the ‘through thick and thin.’ It’s when you’ve developed a genuine understanding and acceptance of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. You’re not just in love with the idea of the person; you love who they genuinely are.

Note: It’s necessary to understand these phases are a guide, not a rule. Everyone’s journey is unique; you may sail through these stages quickly, linger in others, or skip one altogether.

How to nurture your attachment

Attachment doesn’t remain static; instead, it grows and strengthens with time and effort. Good communication, trust, respect, and space for individuality are a few key elements that can help you nurture healthier attachments. These characteristics lay the foundation for a meaningful relationship, helping your love grow stronger and deeper over time.

Attachment is the long-lasting bond that keeps couples together. It’s the glue that can make your relationship survive the highs and lows, the laughter, and the tears, to appreciate the beautiful shared moments and to withstand the challenging ones. Love well, and on your terms.

After all, there are no ‘perfect relationships’ – only perfectly imperfect ones, beautiful in their unique ways. Remember, love is as much about the journey as it is about the destination.

What Intimacy is and What it is Not

Understanding intimacy’s true nature can transform your love life dramatically. Many women confuse sexual attraction and physical closeness with intimacy, but it goes much deeper. Intimacy is about a strong emotional connection, vulnerability, and about being open and comfortable in each other’s emotional space.

Let’s clear a few misconceptions about intimacy:

• Intimacy isn’t solely physical: While physical closeness can help foster it, true intimacy stems from emotional bond and mutual understanding.
• Intimacy doesn’t require sacrifice: It’s not about losing your personal boundaries and self-respect. Each party can maintain their individuality while still being intimately connected.
• Intimacy can’t be hurried: It naturally evolves over time as trust builds within the relationship.

With that understanding, let’s talk about ways to foster genuine intimacy.

Strategies to Foster Intimacy

Building an authentic, profound, intimate connection requires intentional effort. Here are a few strategies to help deepen your relationships:

1. Communicate Openly: Share your dreams, fears, hopes and insecurities. Open communication enables you to understand and empathize with your partner’s emotional world.
2. Show Emotional Transparency: Express your feelings sincerely, however you’re feeling. Allow your partner to see the real you, fostering a sense of trust and closeness.
3. Actively Listen: Practice active listening, which means focusing completely on your partner when they speak, showing interest, and offering supportive feedback.
4. Establish Boundaries: Define your limits and respect your partner’s boundaries too. Intimacy is not about losing individuality but about harmonizing two different individuals.

Remember, love and relationships are rarely a smooth journey. They come with their fair share of challenges and turbulences. However, with authenticity, mutual respect, and patience, you can cultivate the intimacy that’s both rewarding and nourishing.

Advice on Love and Prioritizing One Another’s Needs

Love is a unique journey, not a one-size-fits-all roadmap. It means different things to different people, and similarly, everyone has unique needs, expectations, and dreams. To forge a lasting relationship, you mustn’t only understand your own needs but also those of your partner. Prioritizing each other’s needs doesn’t mean neglecting yours. Instead, it’s about creating a mutual platform where you both can thrive.

Prioritizing each other’s needs involves paying attention, active listening, empathy, and taking deliberate actions to address those needs. In this section, I’ll dive into how you can achieve this successfully.

Understanding Your Partner’s Needs

Every individual is unique and so are their needs. Your partner’s needs could range from emotional support, validation, affection, space, excitement, or even shared activities. Encourage open and honest communication, giving your love the freedom to express what they really want and need from the relationship. The aim isn’t just to understand, but to respect these needs as indicative of their individuality and uniqueness.

Empathy and Active Listening

To prioritize your partner’s needs, you must develop empathy. This means recognizing and sharing the feelings and concerns of your partner, making sure they feel understood and valued. Active listening helps you develop empathy; it’s the art of truly hearing what your partner says and understanding their perspective. Strong communication skills will ultimately affect how well you can meet each other’s needs.

Meeting the Needs

Now you’ve understood the needs, it’s time to meet them. If your partner needs more quality time, reshape your routine to incorporate more shared experiences. If they need validation, be more vocal about their strengths and achievements. Simple actions, done continuously, can take even the most routine days and transform them into special memories.

Caring for Your Own Needs

While it’s important to prioritize your partner’s needs, you should never ignore your own. Maintain a balanced approach. Express your needs clearly and resolve problems collectively. Striking a healthy balance will maintain the validity and vitality of the relationship.

Remember, prioritizing each other’s needs is never about sacrificing your own happiness or well-being. Instead, it’s about fostering a space where both of you can be yourselves and still feel loved, cherished, and understood.

Understanding What You Truly Want

Understanding what you truly want in a relationship is vital to finding and maintaining love. However, it can often appear challenging, especially due to societal pressures and expectations. Yet, don’t lose hope. Here are some tips and guidance to help you explore what you truly seek in love.

Firstly, it’s necessary to identify your core values. These are the principles that guide your life and should, ideally, align with your partner’s. Do you value honesty above all? Or is it freedom, dedication, compassion? It’s essential to establish this as it can greatly influence your relationship satisfaction.

Recognize your deal breakers. These are traits or habits that you can’t tolerate in a partner. It could be something like constant negativity, lack of ambition, or dishonesty. Don’t let the fear of ending up alone make you overlook these. A relationship that brings you more pain than joy is not worth it.

Communication and mutual respect. It’s important to remember that love is not just about passion but also about being able to share your thoughts, ideas, fears, and hopes with your partner. Furthermore, respect is indispensable for any healthy relationship – insist on it for yourself but also ensure you offer it to your partner.

Creating a mental image of your ideal relationship can be quite helpful too. Think about how you would like to interact with your partner, how you handle conflicts, the amount of independence you both have, etc. Once you’ve got it, ask yourself if this aligns with the reality of your current or prospective relationship. If it doesn’t, it’s perhaps time to reconsider.

The Role of Self-Love

When speaking of love, it’s necessary not to overlook the value of self-love. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of your mental and emotional well-being not only increases your chances of finding love but also enriches your ability to maintain it. Plus, it sets a standard for how you allow others to treat you.

Remember, love starts within you. You have to love yourself first before you can truly give and receive love from others.

Once you understand what it is you’re truly seeking, finding the right love becomes less daunting. Remember, it’s not about finding someone who fulfills all your expectations but someone with whom you can grow, someone who can become your best friend, and someone who, by adding to your life, makes it more vibrant and joyful. Thus, knowing what you truly want is the beginning of your beautiful love journey.

Advice on Love: Defining Your Relationship Goals

Before you venture into the world of love and relationships, it’s crucial to have a clear understanding of what you want out of a partnership. Defining your relationship goals not only helps direct your actions in love, but also shapes your expectations, enhancing your chances of achieving a fulfilled romantic life. Let’s delve into this.

Firstly, ask yourself what you seek in a relationship and be brutally honest. Is it companionship, physical intimacy, friendship, or a combination of these? Every individual’s desires are unique, and what works for a close friend or a family member might not work for you.

• Companionship: This means wanting a partner to share life’s ups and downs.
• Physical intimacy: Some people prioritize a strong physical connection with their partner.
• Friendship: You might be looking for someone who can be your best friend as well as a romantic partner.

Understanding your needs and wants is only half the battle. You need to be able to communicate these desires to your potential or existing partner(s) to make sure you’re both on the same page. Otherwise, misunderstandings and unfulfilled expectations can lead to bitterness and disappointment.

Personal growth and understanding only truly comes when we invest the time and effort to explore our desires and communicate them openly.

Another integral aspect of defining relationship goals involves considerations for the future. Do you envision marriage, children, or a life of travel and adventure? Or perhaps, you would prefer to keep things more flexible, and simply see where the relationship journey takes you.

Dating Etiquettes: Modern Rules for the Modern Woman

Being a modern woman in the dating world can feel like navigating through an exciting, yet complex labyrinth. With the evolving dynamics of relationships and the influence of digital platforms, how can you maintain your grace, confidence and authenticity in the dating scene? Let’s explore a few ground rules you can integrate into your dating life.

Self-Assertiveness:

In the world of dating, it’s essential you voice your feelings and stand up for what you believe in. It’s not about being aggressive. It’s about valuing your beliefs, expressing your needs clearly and asserting boundaries. Strong, independent women are not afraid to say what they feel or want. Remember, being you is enough.

“A strong woman is one who feels deeply and loves fiercely. Her tears flow as abundantly as her laughter. A strong woman is both soft and powerful, she is both practical and spiritual. A strong woman in her essence is a gift to the world.” – Native American saying

Honest Communication:

Transparency and honesty form the bedrock of any impactful conversations, more so when you’re getting to know someone. Express your thoughts, ideas, desires, and aspirations honestly. Remember to be receptive to your date’s perspective as well. Honest communication builds respect and trust, the two pillars of any successful relationship.

Embrace Your Individuality

Your uniqueness is your strength in the dating realm. Embrace who you are, with all your quirks, passions, and idiosyncrasies. Take pride in your independence, your hard-won achievements, and your life experiences. Cherish your interests and hobbies because they make you the person you are. Be true to yourself, because authenticity is truly magnetic.

The Art of Listening:

True listening goes beyond hearing. It involves understanding, empathizing, and truly grasping what another person is saying. When your date speaks, try to engage fully in their narrative. Active listening involves responding appropriately and providing feedback when needed. Not only does listening emphasize your interest, but it also promotes respect and understanding in relationships.

Remember, Dating is a Journey

Our modern world might convince you that you must quickly meet someone and fall in love. However, the essence of dating is about exploration, learning about new people, enjoying experiences, and having fun along this journey. More than finding the perfect partner immediately, it’s about personal growth and self-discovery. So sit back, enjoy the ride, and know that the right person will come at the right time.

Dating Safety:

Despite all the excitement that comes with dating, ensure that your safety is never compromised. Be careful about sharing personal details, especially on online platforms. Always choose public and safe locations for the initial dates. Remember, your comfort and security are paramount, don’t compromise them for anyone or anything.

Advice on Love: Balancing Love and Independence

Love is a wonderful emotion, but it’s essential not to lose your individuality and independence in the process of falling in love or being in a relationship. Balancing love and independence can seem like a tightrope act, but with the right approach, you can maintain your freedom and still enjoy a beautiful, loving relationship.

Remember, it’s absolutely okay to want ‘me’ time or pursue your own interests separate from your partner. It doesn’t mean you love them any less – it simply contributes to a healthier and more balanced relationship.

Embrace Your Independence

Independence isn’t about doing everything by yourself. Instead, it’s about knowing that you can handle things alone, even though you might not need to. Value your alone time, cherish your freedom, and develop your interests and hobbies. These are not only therapeutic but also allow you to grow as an individual.

Communicate with Your Partner

No successful relationship happens without open, honest communication. It’s not just about sharing your feelings or expressing love. You also need to communicate your need for personal space and independence. Most partners will understand and respect this if you articulate it considerately and lovingly.

Balance Couple Time and ‘Me’ Time

Managing time is key to balancing love and independence. Spend quality time with your partner, but also set aside enough time for yourself. It might seem challenging at first but knowing when to prioritise what, comes with practice and understanding.

Create Shared and Individual Goals

While shared dreams and objectives foster unity, individual goals ensure personal growth. Co-creating life goals strengthens the relationship while individual targets help retain your personal identity. Yes, it’s not just okay but important, that apart from being a pair, you also have a personal life track.

In the quest for love, never compromise on your individuality or independence. With effective communication, understanding, and a bit of effort, there is always a way to find balance in love and independence.

Ditching the Fairy-Tale: Real Love Vs. Ideal Love

Dreamy Hollywood romance movies might lead you to believe love is about grand gestures and breathless declarations. However, real love, the enduring kind, is often a more subdued affair, characterized by kindness, understanding, and shared moments of peace. It’s not always easy to discern this distinction. Thus, understanding and appreciating real love versus ideal love is a critical perspective to maintain for a healthy, happy relationship.

Real Love:

Real love, the most profound and lasting form of love, is all about true intimacy and emotional connection. It doesn’t have to be a roller-coaster of ups and downs. It finds beauty in calm and constancy. It’s more about feeling at home with someone, enjoying a sense of security and mutual respect, and continually growing together.

• Cultivating patience: Real love is patient. It understands that every individual has their process of development and doesn’t force growth or change.
• Accepting flaws: Loving someone genuinely means accepting their flaws. Remember, everybody is a work in progress.
• Deep kindness: Real love operates from a foundation of deep kindness, respect, and care towards the other person, even during conflicts or misunderstandings.
• Shared values and goals: This does not necessarily mean having the same interests or hobbies, but rather sharing core values and future aspirations.

Ideal Love:

Idealized love, on the other hand, is where you fall for the idea of a person or what they can become. It’s often characterized by an obsession with the other person’s perfection and can lead to unrealistic expectations. As passionately intoxicating as this love may feel, it can easily lead to heartbreak when confronted with the reality of a flawed, human partner.

“Ideal love often sets unrealistic standards and expectations. Instead of focusing on the real person standing before you, you fixate on a false image of perfection that no person could, or should, live up to.”

Here are some pointers to remember:

• Obsession with perfection: Ideal love often obsesses over the perfect sides of the person, ignoring their real, human flaws.
• Expectation Vs. Acceptance: In idealized love, you may find yourself living in the realm of ‘should-be’ rather than ‘is,’ preferring expectations over acceptance.
• Comparison and dissatisfaction: Ideal love can lead you to constant comparison and dissatisfaction when your partner fails to meet your lofty standards.
• Romanticizing conflict: While real love understands conflict as something to be resolved, ideal love might romanticize it as a symbol of passion.

Communicating Real Vs. Ideal Love

Understanding the difference between real love and ideal love is the first step. The next essential aspect is open and honest communication with your partner about these expectations and perspectives. Recognizing and discussing what you both want from the relationship can pave the way towards mutual understanding and growth.

Above all, real love is about navigating the vulnerable moments, celebrating jointly, laughing together, supporting each other in trials, and attaining personal and mutual growth. It’s about finding joy in the ordinary, sharing a life filled with compassion, understanding, and, most importantly, affectionate love that sees, accepts, and honors the real you.

Advice on Love and Navigating the Dating Landscape: Online vs. Traditional

When it comes to finding love, there are generally two playing fields you can venture into: online and traditional. Each has its unique sets of experiences and chances, all packaged with both challenges and rewards. It’s essential to know how to navigate both landscapes to ensure a successful pursuit of love.

Online dating has seen exponential growth in recent years, largely due to its convenience and accessibility. It offers a wide pool of potential matches right at your fingertips. You can communicate without the pressures of immediate responses and have the option to be selective, even before a meetup. Online dating can cater to all types of relationships, whether you’re looking for something short-term, long-term, or simply a lively conversation.

There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to dating, and you have the freedom to choose the approach that suits your personality and lifestyle. It might very well be that a mix of both what works perfectly for you! Remember, the most crucial part is to be yourself, remain patient, and positive in your pursuit of finding love.

Maintaining Passion and Intimacy Over Time

Keeping the flames of passion and intimacy alive in a relationship can be a beautiful journey, and yet quite challenging. It typically involves growth, shifts, and compromises. Thankfully, with the right strategies, you can maintain the excitement and emotional connection that marked the beginning of your relationship.

First and foremost, frequent and open communication lies at the heart of enduring passion and intimacy. This doesn’t only pertain to talking about serious matters, but sharing snippets of your daily lives, your individual thoughts, hopes and fears. By being open, you give your partner the chance to understand and know you more deeply, thereby fostering intimacy.

A fun, creative, and intimate way to share your feelings is through love letters. Dare to express your feelings in words. Despite being considered old-fashioned, love letters have a certain charm that can make your partner feel loved and special. They serve as tangible proof of your affection and feelings for your partner.

Keeping the Spark Alive

Another key factor in maintaining passion is to keep fun and spontaneity alive, which is often lost in the daily humdrum of routines. Build a sense of anticipation in your relationship by planning surprise dates and getaways, or introducing new activities you can enjoy together.

Also, physical intimacy is important in keeping the passion alive. However, this doesn’t always mean sex. It can simply mean holding hands, cuddling in the sofa while watching a movie, giving love pecks or surprise hugs. These small gestures can significantly boost feelings of warmth, love, and intimacy towards your partner.

Values and Shared Experiences

More importantly, shared values and experiences can solidify your connection with your partner. Having a common understanding of what’s significant in life can lead to a deeper, more satisfying love. Engage in a hobby, volunteer for a cause, or even try a fitness goal together. This reinforces the feeling of mutual growth and alignment.

Maintaining passion and intimacy demands continual effort and commitment from both partners. Remember that it’s not just about fanatical love but genuine affection, respect, and bond. Love isn’t just a feeling but also an act of ongoing and intentional growth. With the right efforts, your relationship can stand the test of time, becoming richer and more profound as the years roll by.

Embracing Change and Growth in Love

Love, just like life, is a journey filled with constant growth and change. As you and your partner evolve and mature, your relationship also undergoes transformations. Many women often feel scared or overwhelmed by these changes, but remember, acceptance and adaptation are key to hitting those relationship milestones.

So, what are these imminent changes you shall face, and how can you gracefully navigate through them? Let’s dive deeper into it.

1. Change in Life Goals and Aspirations

Step into the shoes of a mature individual and realize, everyone changes with time. Your goals and aspirations don’t remain the same over five or ten years. The same applies to your partner – their dreams might evolve too. The best way to handle this change is by open communication, understanding each other’s evolving desires, and finding common ground.

2. Change in Preferences

You enjoyed salsa during the early stages of your relationship, but now you find solace in watching Netflix with a cozy blanket. That’s completely fine. Tastes change and acknowledging that change is important. Be open about it and gently express it to your partner. The goal is to enjoy activities that bring joy to both of you.

3. Change in Appearances

Ah, the one everybody dreads, yet it’s inevitable! Aging is a natural process and it’s important to embrace it. Accept your changing appearance and also that of your partner’s. If there’s a lack of self-love, work on building a positive body-image and self-esteem. Remember, you’re beautiful in your own unique way.

4. Change in Circumstances

Life can sometimes get unpredictable throwing jobs, moves or kids your way. During these times, remember to stay a team. Support each other, be flexible, appreciate your partner’s contributions and constantly communicate. Challenges can be a bonding experience when tackled together.

5. Growth – Personal and Relationship

Growth is an integral part of love. Personal growth involves developing self-awareness, nurturing your desires, and refining your emotions. Relationship growth, on the other hand, is about strengthening your bond, offering mutual support, and cultivating empathy. True love means celebrating both individual and relationship growth.

Love isn’t about being static. It’s about growing, evolving, and building something beautiful over time. Change is intimidating, yet liberating. Embrace it with open arms for the betterment of you and your relationship.

Advice on Love: Recognizing Red Flags in Relationships

Even though the journey of love can be rewarding, it’s important to realize that not every relationship will lead you towards happiness and fulfilment. In some situations, you may encounter what are often referred to as ‘red flags’ – early warning signs that something might be awry in your relationship. And while love can blur your vision, it’s critical for your well-being to stay aware and responsive to these signs.

Red flags are behaviors or patterns that suggest potential problems or conflicts within your relationship. Like an actual flag warning you of danger ahead, these signs, when spotted early, can save you stress and heartache down the line. Let’s dive into some common examples.

• Neglect of your emotional needs: If your partner consistently disregards your feelings, it may well be a red flag. They should demonstrate care for your emotions, even during disagreements.
• Excessive jealousy or controlling behavior: It’s perfectly natural to feel possessive about the one you love, but there’s a line between reasonable concern and all-consuming jealousy. If your partner is constantly inundating you with accusations, want to dictate who you can see or talk to, or expect to have a say in your personal choices, you might be dealing with a control issue.
• Inconsistent communication: Communication can be thought of as the lifeblood of a relationship. If your partner doesn’t reply to your messages or calls in a reasonable time, or never seems available to have meaningful, depth-filled conversations, this might indicate a lack of interest or respect.

Remember, love is supposed to feel good. It’s meant to bring happiness and fulfillment, not constant stress or anxiety. If you’re continually feeling uncertain or insecure in your relationship, it’s worth giving those feelings careful consideration. Pay attention to what your intuition is telling you.

If a relationship constantly brings you down or leaves you feeling exhausted, it might be a sign to rethink whether the relationship is right for you. Remember, being single is better than being in a toxic, draining relationship. You deserved to be loved, cherished and respected in your romantic relationships.

Identifying and Handling Red Flags

Acknowledging red flags can be challenging, especially when you’re emotionally invested in a relationship. It’s easy to explain away worrying behaviors, attributing them to stress or temporary circumstances. Regardless, it’s important to trust your instinct when something feels off. Here are ways to identify and navigate red flags:

1. Trust your intuition: That sinking feeling in your stomach? Don’t ignore it. It’s your intuition speaking to you. Even if everything appears perfect on the surface, your gut instinct often knows when something’s not right.
2. Communicate: If something bothers you, bring it up. Have an open, honest conversation about your worries. Remember, it’s crucial to truly listen to their side of the story before jumping to conclusions.
3. Evaluate: If the behavior continues, it’s time for an evaluation. Is this something you can tolerate in the long run? Or is it a deal breaker?

Remember: a healthy relationship is a partnership where both parties listen, respect and appreciate each other. Love is about being present, acknowledging flaws, and working towards building a happier, healthier future together.

Overcoming Fear of Rejection

Rejection is an inherent part of the human experience—it’s unavoidable, inevitable. We’ve all been there in one way or another, especially when it comes to love and relationships. Yet, even though we know it’s a universal human experience, rejection can still hurt. It’s normal to fear rejection, but when it stops you from pursuing love or holding on to it, it becomes a problem. Here’s some advice to help you overcome your fear of rejection in romantic relationships.

Normalize rejection

The first step in overcoming the fear of rejection is to normalize it. Understand that not everyone will be a good match for you and that’s okay. It’s no reflection on your worth or desirability. Just as you wouldn’t choose everyone you meet as a partner, not everyone will choose you. And that’s entirely normal.

Acknowledge your fear

It’s important to identify and acknowledge your fear rather than trying to push it away or ignore it. When you recognize your fear of rejection, you take a big step towards overcoming it. It’s okay to be afraid; what matters is not allowing that fear to control your actions.

Grow from rejection

Change your perception of rejection. Think of it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Every rejection provides valuable insights about ourselves and our desires. Use it to introspect, to identify what might have gone wrong, and to build a roadmap for future relationships.

Practice Comfort Zone Challenges

Try putting yourself in situations where you might face rejection. It could be as simple as asking a stranger for directions or as personal as expressing your feelings to someone. These “comfort zone challenges” can gradually desensitize you to the fear of rejection.

Maintain Self- Esteem

Never measure your self-worth by how someone else reacts to you. You are so much more than a “Yes” or “No”. Establish your self-esteem on your own terms. Deal with criticisms, but don’t internalize them. Remember, you are enough just as you are.

Overcoming the fear of rejection involves self-love, patience, and practice. No one is immune to rejection and the best way to deal with it is by facing it head-on. Don’t let the fear of the unknown hold you back. Learn to see rejection for what it often is: a redirection towards something better. And always remember, it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Lessons from Failed Relationships: Turn Heartbreaks into Strengths

Failed relationships often feel like an end, but they’re not. Think of them as an opportunity for growth and self-exploration. Each heartbreak offers valuable lessons that can strengthen your understanding of love and relationships.

Understanding the Heartbreak

The first step toward turning heartbreak into strength is understanding the heartbreak itself. When a relationship ends, it’s easy to dwell on negative feelings instead of seeking to understand why it didn’t work out. Was it due to a mismatch of life goals? Were there trust issues? Or perhaps, did the spark just die out? Reflecting on these questions can bring clarity and allow you to learn from your experiences.

Reflect, Don’t Ruminate

There’s a fine line between reflecting on a past relationship and stewing in regret. Reflecting means critically examining the events and actions, and extracting valuable lessons. It helps in recognizing patterns, identifying what went wrong, and what to avoid in the future. Ruminating, on the other hand, is obsessing over the past, with no intention or consequence of growth. It’s often self-destructive and restrains you from moving forward. Recognize this difference and practice healthy reflection.

Becoming Resilient

Failures can be difficult, but they also have the potential to make you resilient. Resilience is not about brushing off your emotions; it’s about confronting them, acknowledging your pain, and still finding the courage to move forward. Consider each ending as a pathway to better beginnings, to more fulfilling relationships ahead.

The Role of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion goes a long way in healing from failed relationships. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. Give yourself the care and patience you would give a friend going through the same experience. Late-night ice cream, sappy movies, long walks, do whatever it takes to be gentle to yourself as you navigate through the pain.

Transforming Pain into Growth

Transformative learning occurs when deeply ingrained beliefs or assumptions change. Heartbreak has the power to foster such a transformative learning process. It forces you to challenge your assumptions, beliefs, and narratives about love. It’s an opportunity to rewrite your story, own your narrative, and transform pain into personal power.

Failed relationships are not about losing love, but about finding love in a new light. They allow you to deeply understand our wants, needs, and priorities, fostering growth both as an individual and as a loving partner.

Wrapping Up Advice on Love

So there you have it – a comprehensive guide filled with advice on love for women. We’ve explored from the preliminary stages of understanding the science of attraction, to learning the art of balancing love and independence. Remember, every relationship is as unique as the people involved in it, and no one size fits all. With the advice provided, you’re equipped to navigate the intricate realm of love, with a sense of confidence and self-awareness.

Key takeaways to keep in mind: Communication is a cornerstone in every successful relationship; Embrace Change and Growth as they are inevitable and also the evidence of a dynamic and healthy relationship; Recognizing Red Flags early can save you from unnecessary heartbreaks;

And most importantly, Remember To Love Yourself First. Self-love is a crucial aspect not only for a healthy romantic relationship but also for a healthy personal life. It will be the cornerstone for your self-esteem, resilience, and overall emotional well-being.

When everything feels too overwhelming, take a step back, and remember this line:

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”

We hope that these pieces of advice help you make the most of your relationships and lead you towards sustaining a love that’s fulfilling, empathetic, and respectful.  Make sure you revisit this advice whenever you find yourself in uncharted territories. Remember, be patient, be kind, and always choose love.

Some jealousy in a relationship is normal, but when it becomes excessive, it’s time to learn how to stop being jealous in a relationship.

Jealous feelings can range anywhere from a mild feeling of jealousy to total rage and humiliation. There is no limit to how old you can be to experience jealousy, and men and women are both susceptible.

Most of the time, we feel jealous when a relationship is threatened, and that can mean friendships as well as romantic relationships and relationships with our families.

The threat can be real but is sometimes just our imagination and anxiety running amok. Before I provide you with tips on how to stop being jealous in a relationship, let’s uncover why you feel jealous.

Why do You Feel Jealous?

Jealousy is an emotion that you probably wish would just go away, but it’s an emotion that we can work with, and it’s also a signal of underlying problems.

Who Gets More Jealous? Men or Women?

Some believe men get jealous more easily, but both sexes are capable of feeling jealousy at the same level, although men and women are jealous in different ways.

Men fear that their romantic partner will have an affair, so they’re more dialed into jealousy over sexual infidelity.

For women, the fear is of emotional infidelity. They fear their guy will fall in love with someone else.

Traits Behind Jealousy

Many of the reasons behind jealousy have nothing to do with your partner, even though I get that it would be nice to blame this on him.

Your jealous feelings come from one or more of these places:

• Low self-esteem
• Anxiety or emotional instability
• Feeling insecure and possessive
• Being too dependent on your partner
• Feeling that you aren’t good enough for him
• A fear that your partner will leave you or won’t love you enough

These factors are all about your insecurity, not something he is doing.

How to Stop Being Jealous in a Relationship

Understand that Some Jealousy is Normal

This isn’t to say that how you react to feeling jealousy is normal, but that the feeling itself is a normal human emotion.

You have the ability to control how you react to your jealous feelings, but how well you respond depends on why you feel jealous and how extreme those feelings are.

How to Stop Being Jealous in a Relationship: Recognize the Anxiety

Many times, jealousy stems from imagining your partner’s future without you in it. You see him smile at a waitress and all of a sudden, your imagination stirs visuals of the two of them together.

Oh my gosh! He loves her?!?!?!?

Anxiety is our mind running ahead of life, creating scenarios for which we have no proof, then convincing you that it’s true.

We get anxious over all sorts of things. One of my favorite examples is from when I was younger. It was the first time I was called for jury duty and I was driving to the courthouse to report. My mind was racing – what if I’m late? What if I’m picked to sit for a terrible crime? What if…what if…what if…

Finally, I realized I was having some anxiety and wasn’t focusing very well on driving, so I stopped my thoughts and began taking deep breaths.

When you’re anxious, your heart rate picks up and your blood pressure increases because your fight or flight mechanism has kicked in. To mitigate the chemicals released during fight or flight, slow your breathing. This is an instant signal to your brain that everything is okay.

Since I was driving, that was about the only tool available to me, other than to tell myself that I was just feeling anxious, and that it was time to stop.

If you recognize that your mind is just running away with you, stop what you’re thinking and bring yourself back to reality. Realize that the truth isn’t what you were just thinking.

Dip Into a Mindful Moment

Mindfulness is about becoming present in the current moment. This is a follow-on to the anxiety tool you just read.

Bring yourself back to the here and now. Don’t ignore the jealous feelings but imagine them as leaves floating down a stream. They float up to you, they hang out for a second or two, then they float away. While you don’t always realize it, feelings do this anyway, but we can hold onto them too long if we fixate on them.

Stuffing them down and not acknowledging them doesn’t work either because they just keep growing, like a balloon you’re blowing up – eventually, something will pop.

Challenge Your Own Negativity

People often believe feelings or emotions just appear out of nowhere, blindsiding you, but this isn’t usually the case.

The things we feel and the emotions we have are more often a result of ongoing thoughts, which usually are based on how we feel about ourselves.

For example, if you don’t believe yourself to be physically attractive, you will feel anxious over any women he comes in contact with and perceive to be prettier than you.

If you don’t believe you’re enough to keep your guy long-term, any woman who approaches might feel threatening.

Instead of believing these thoughts, fact-check them. Has he told you he thinks you’re ugly? I’m going to guess he has not because if he didn’t find you to be attractive, he wouldn’t be with you now. This is your own insecurity, not something he’s told you.

Many of our beliefs are what is called self-limiting. We believe many wrong things about ourselves, but those thoughts can almost always be proven wrong.

How to Stop Being Jealous in a Relationship: Get Real

Sometimes, expectations are too high to be met, ever.

There is no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect relationship. Naturally, your eye wanders when you see a handsome man, just like your boyfriend or husband’s eye may wander.

A wandering eye when you’re out together isn’t a sign that he wants to have an affair, or that he’s having one. Someone simply caught his attention. He didn’t run off to meet her or get her number, he’s holding your hand, enjoying time with you.

This also applies to any past relationships he had that make you feel jealous. That relationship is over. He’s with you now. If he wanted to still be with her, he would be.

None of us are perfect, and everyone requires forgiveness from time to time. It’s important not to hold your guy or your relationship to a standard that can never be met.

Resist Acting on Your Initial Jealous Feelings

In today’s society, we do everything immediately. We never stop to think something through. Someone pulls out in front of us and we honk the horn and start flipping them the bird.

This is reactionary behavior, and it’s not healthy, and yet, many of us behave in this way without realizing it.

Reactionary people often start sentences with he made me. It’s a blame game. Whatever someone else does that causes you to react was their fault, not yours.

The problem with this line of thinking is that you actually have control over your reactions, you just don’t realize it.

Instead of flying off the handle when something happens, use the old count to ten rule- take a breather and count to ten. This allows you enough time to think, instead of just react.

The same is true of jealous feelings. Instead of reacting immediately when the feeling comes along, take some time to consider the truth of the evidence in front of you, if there is any.

If you don’t believe me, put yourself in this situation.

Tomorrow, you have a job interview for the dream job of your life, but your boyfriend just dumped you, out of the blue, and you feel devastated.

How are you going to go into that interview? Crying and sobbing?

Of course not, you’re going to pull yourself together and put both of your good feet forward.

This shows you that you do have control over your emotions when you want to.

The other reason to use restraint is that your negative reaction could do damage to an otherwise healthy relationship.

Work on Your Confidence and Self-Esteem

Many of the problems behind jealousy relate to low confidence and low self-esteem, so the best defense is a great offense.

Actually, most problems in relationships can be linked back to low confidence and self-esteem. If you don’t feel worthy of your partner, or you feel inferior in some way, you’ll always be afraid he’s looking for someone better.

Unfortunately, many people suffer from low confidence and there is not a lot of readily available information on how to build it, but I have an entire area of this website devoted to it, since it’s a relationship site and it’s so important to healthy relationships. You can find it here:

I want to change my life!

How to Stop Being Jealous in a Relationship: Don’t be Afraid to Talk About It

A great relationship is grounded in excellent communication. Being afraid to talk to your partner about something is a low-confidence play. Be sure to pay attention to how you should bring this up and discuss it.

It’s possible he doesn’t even realize that he’s doing something that concerns you. If he loves you, he doesn’t want to hurt you in that way. What you’re perceiving as a threat to your relationship might be perceived by him as no big deal.

Approach the subject when the two of you are in a good place. It’s never to begin a difficult conversation in the middle of an argument or when one or both of you are tired.

Also, use “I” language:

• I feel a little threatened when you flirt with Felicia from work
• I feel as if you’re paying a lot of attention to the new girl in your office

When you state something this way, you’re taking ownership of your feelings and you’re disarming any argument he may have. While he may disagree with your assessment of those situations, it’s hard to disagree with how someone is telling you they feel.

Finally, spend as much time listening as you do talking. A conversation, especially one about a difficult topic, should be equal and fair. If you’re the only one talking, you aren’t allowing him any time to say his piece.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

This is another low-confidence/low-self-worth move. Recently, I was out with a friend and a very well-dressed woman caught my eye, not because she was pretty, but because her outfit was entirely too much for where we were.

She was dressed for a funeral and we were at a flea market. So I took another glance from behind and realized that this person was bald. My buddy had seen him too and said, “dude had a beard and mustache.”

So it was a guy dressed in women’s clothing. My immediate thought was good for you pal. Be who you are!

Be you. Your guy fell for you, not some altered version of you, unless you completely misrepresented yourself to him.

If you want to wear tie-dye skirts and Birkenstocks, go for it. If you’re comfy in jeans and t-shirts, wear that. If you want to become a painter, become one. If you want to be a CEO, shoot for the stars.

Just be yourself. Don’t worry about who other people are or what they look like. It isn’t important how much money your sister makes and what size her home is. Just be you.

You’ll find a tremendous level of peace in deciding that the opinions of others don’t matter to you anymore, and you’ll find more time since you’ll spend less time on social media trying to prove yourself.

How to Stop Being Jealous in a Relationship: Use a Journal

Journaling is an excellent tool for uncovering what’s really going on in your mind. If you sit down in a quiet place and let the words flow without judgment and fear, you will discover all kinds of stuff.

I read a story once about a woman who would journal every day. On Sundays, she would go back through her journal and look for recurring themes. Was she sad, depressed, happy? What was going on during those times?

It’s very enlightening and very therapeutic.

Through journaling, you may discover the true source of your jealous feelings.

Stay Off of Social Media

I just eluded to this, but let’s talk a little more about it. When people feel the need to post about their nice new expensive car or home, what makes them think anyone else cares?

We all go along and hit the like button, doing our due diligence, but why should I care, really? I’m sorry to tell you that I don’t care what you ate for dinner or where you got it. I don’t need to see your big new house or your bright shiny new car.

If you’re my friend, I will give you a pat on the back the next time I see you to congratulate you. Sharing that stuff on social media is a way of doing a couple of things:

• Proving that you became something
• Feeling better about yourself because you think you became something or did something great

If I’m following you on social media, chances are I’m more interested in where you hiked last weekend so I can check it out. Truth be told, I rarely use social media personally. Professionally, of course, I have accounts, but that’s information I share for you.

Don’t Be Afraid to Seek Professional Help

Some of the roots of jealousy are buried deep and the best thing you can do for yourself and your relationship is to seek professional help.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s something more people should try. It might even be beneficial at some point to seek couple’s counseling so you can learn how to communicate effectively with one another and support one another.

How to Stop Being Jealous in a Relationship – Wrap Up

Healthy jealousy is normal, but when it threatens your relationship or sanity, it’s time to address it. Dig into the roots of your feelings and work on overcoming low confidence and low self-esteem issues.

Don’t be afraid to own what’s going on because that’s the best way to address it.

Be willing to talk to your partner about your feelings and to seek therapy if you feel like you can’t overcome this on your own.

Most of all, know that you’re a beautiful person, and comparing yourself to other women will never amount to anything good.

The first confidence building book for women and a best-seller, Comfortable in Your Own Shoes will prepare you to meet great men and enjoy a happy and fulfilling life. And not just any life, but a life you design for yourself. YOUR life your way! 

Are you ready to start planning that great life? Click below to get started today! There’s no time like now to live your life on your terms!

Codependency in a relationship is an unhealthy relationship dynamic and a phrase first coined in articles that discussed substance abuse. In those relationships, one partner’s addiction often controlled the dynamic, creating a lopsided situation.

Outside of the substance abuse definition, codependency refers most often to a relationship in which one partner sacrifices his or her needs for the sake of the other. This partner is most often giving, while the other partner usually takes. Codependent relationships aren’t all romantic and can occur between friends or family members as well.

Codependency is often defined as manipulative, compulsive behaviors that are characterized by poor boundaries, a lack of self-esteem, and obsessive control. Some say it’s an addiction to a person and it’s sometimes called relationship addiction.

Many believe it’s a learned behavior, passed down through a family full of codependent relationships. The behavior is learned as a way to survive in a family with a lot of emotional turbulence. It’s not a genetic trait.

What You’ll Find in The Article

What Exactly is Codependency in a Relationship?

What Causes Codependency?

How do You Know if You’re in a Codependent Relationship?

How to Change the Codependent Relationship Dynamic

Codependency in a Relationship Doesn’t Need to Be Permanent

What Exactly is Codependency in a Relationship?

In a healthy relationship, both partners support one another and while there may be times when things are lopsided, they return to a balanced state once the crisis is over. Examples of this include experiencing a job loss, the loss of a loved one, or health issues. In those cases, one partner will put forth the extra effort to support the other, but there may be another time when the roles are reversed.

People in healthy relationships don’t keep score of who did what for whom. There’s no, “I stayed home with the kids while you went out with your friends last week. You owe me.”

Codependency in a relationship occurs when one partner is the constant caregiver.

Jack and Kate are in a codependent relationship. Kate is almost always the one working to support herself and her husband. She did this for many years while he made various attempts to find a career, always failing. Now retired and in their seventies, their relationship continues to be lopsided.

Kate did everything for Jack until Kate became ill with cancer. She was hospitalized and required emergency surgery, but Jack remained at home, unrealistically afraid of getting sick if he went to the hospital to be with her. When Kate returned home a few days after surgery, Jack still expected her to fill her role as his caregiver, barely helping her recover.

In relationships where substance abuse is a problem, the caregiver partner will make excuses for the other, calling them in sick at work, providing them a place to live, or even giving them money to support their addiction.

What Causes Codependency?

There is no recipe for codependency, although some people who enter codependent relationships often have a history of codependency or a dysfunctional relationship in their past. Sometimes childhood trauma leads to anxiety and insecurity about relationships.

Codependency in a relationship sometimes occurs when one partner who feels a need to rescue someone finds someone who feels they need to be rescued.

Mike and Joanne met online and then dated offline for some time. Joanne had a difficult childhood which included sexual abuse by a family member. As an adult, Joanne is divorced and has a son with Autism. Mike’s childhood wasn’t as tragic, however, he was raised in a relationship where his mother was very overbearing and tyrannical. To top it off, he wasn’t her favorite child. That crown went to his older brother, whom Mike felt could do no wrong.

So, when Mike met Joanne, it was kismet. Every woman from his past, from high school into his thirties, needed to be rescued. Of course, every relationship failed, but he wasn’t making that connection.

A year or so into their relationship, Mike proposed. Another year passed and Mike and Joanne were still engaged but living together in a home Mike could barely afford, but that Joanne wanted because she had never owned a home before. After a few months, Mike began having doubts about the marriage, so Joanne threatened suicide and Mike acquiesced.

Still married several years later, the couple is as unhappy as they were before they married, neither willing to admit that their relationship dynamic is unhealthy.

How do You Know if You’re in a Codependent Relationship?

As you read previously, codependent relationships occur not just in romantic relationships but in any relationship. Your relationship with your BFF could be codependent. The relationship your mother has with you or one of your siblings could be codependent. How do you know? What are the signs of codependency in a relationship?

You Want to Rescue Them

It’s healthy to want to help someone when they’re suffering. It’s human nature to form bonds and care for others. But this need to rescue is excessive and there is an underlying fear that if you don’t rescue them, something terrible will happen.

Beth has rescued her children since they were young children. Now, even though they’ve got kids of their own, Beth still rescues her sons, especially Matt, who comes every night for dinner. Matt has an unhealthy codependent relationship with his mother. They talk every morning promptly at 9:00 and if he calls a minute late, she’s in a panic. Her happiness or lack thereof sometimes depends on whether he’s having a difficult day. Every evening, he comes for dinner, reciting every minute detail of his day back to her as if checking in. The minute something seems to be going wrong, Beth is there to rescue Matt. Matt’s older sister wonders what will happen to Matt when their mother dies because she has no plans to continue in her mother’s place.

One Partner Enables the Other’s Behaviors

As in the case of Jack and Kate above, one partner is often hard-working and responsible while the other can be irresponsible and a slacker. The enabled partner never sees consequences for his actions because the enabler is always covering.

Intimacy and Trust are Difficult

Usually, when you’re prone to codependency in a relationship, you find intimacy and trust to be a challenge. Being open and communicating effectively is challenging because of those two issues.

Codependency in a Relationship | Sacrifice

One partner in a codependent relationship sacrifices to keep the other happy. These sacrifices include money, time, energy, values, goals, and sometimes friendship and health. The enabler spends all his or her time making sure the enabled partner is happy. Almost everything they do together is something the enabled partner wants to do, rarely what the enabler wants.

You Walk on Eggshells

Your life is consumed by making sure you don’t make the other person unhappy. You feel as if you’re constantly walking on eggshells around them. You don’t express your opinions, feelings, or desires and you always say yes to whatever he wants for fear of suffering the repercussions if you don’t.

In the instance of Mike and Joanne above, Mike fears that Joanne will have an emotional breakdown or attempt suicide if he leaves or doesn’t do everything he can to keep her happy.

Codependency in a Relationship | You Both Have Past Family Trauma

Few relationships have one mentally healthy person and one who’s unhealthy. If this occurs, it’s often because something changed after they got together.

A confident man or woman won’t enter a relationship with someone who lacks confidence, at least not for long. Therefore, when codependency in a relationship exists, it’s often because both individuals have past family trauma, a history of addiction, abuse, or mental illness.

It’s often easy to look back into the past of both people and see a path of unhealthy relationships in their wake. If you grew up in this environment, you may not even recognize it as unhealthy because it was your normal growing up.

The Enabler Feels Like a Martyr

While the giver often feels as if he or she is behaving how they want to, they’re often secretly resentful that they spend all their time caring for someone and nobody takes time to care for them. It’s a contradiction within themselves – a desire to be the caregiver while wanting secretly to be taken care of also.

The Relationship Continues, Even When the Problem is Obvious

The giver in a codependent relationship will be hurt by the other person, either financially, physically, or emotionally. Often, it’s all three. Even though they recognize this hurt, they remain in the relationship.

The Problems You Want to Fix are Usually Too Big for You

Many of the problems in a codependent relationship aren’t fixable by the giving partner. Addiction, for example, is a problem that requires professional intervention. A history of physical or sexual abuse can’t be fixed by someone without a mental health background either. While you may want to fix this person’s life, the truth is that the problems are bigger than you can manage, but that doesn’t stop you from trying.

Codependency in a Relationship | You Don’t Take Care of Yourself

When you’re the giver in a codependent relationship, you often spend all your time taking care of the other person. Self-care, if it ever happens, makes you feel guilty. You don’t take time to enjoy a hobby, spend time with friends or even rest appropriately.

You Feel Resentful

Even though this behavior feels normal to you, you may feel resentful or taken advantage of. This is a valid feeling because to some extent, it’s true. However, if you’re the one giving, you must take responsibility for your actions.

You Stay Because It’s Safe and Easy

Rather than face the idea of being alone, rejected, abandoned, or criticized, you stay in the relationship. Chances are good that you felt those emotions in childhood, and you don’t want to feel them again. To avoid that, you stay in the relationship.

How to Change the Codependent Relationship Dynamic

Much like any other problem, recognizing that you’re in a codependent relationship is the first step toward moving forward in a healthier dynamic.

With time and work, it is possible to change codependency in a relationship into a healthier situation, but both parties must be willing to make positive changes.

Of course, the trick to this is that you can only change yourself. You can’t change someone else or force them to change. Changing your relationship dynamic begins when you change yourself.

Improve Your Self-Worth

When you have low self-worth, you don’t see your true value to others. You engage in a lot of negative self-talk and are overly critical of yourself. Your focus is on your past mistakes instead of your accomplishments. You often blame yourself when things go wrong and tend to think other people are better than you. You don’t believe you deserve good people or things in your life.

Focus on Your Accomplishments

A great way to discover your value in life is to focus on your accomplishments. A great movie example of someone with low self-worth is It’s a Wonderful Life. In the movie, George Bailey constantly sacrifices his desires for others. He never pursues the life he wants because he’s too busy sacrificing for his family.

As the movie advances, George becomes distraught when he faces a crisis in his business. He wishes he’d never been born at all and his guardian angel, Clarence, grants his wish. George gets to see what the lives of his loved ones would be like if he’d never been born. He discovers all the accomplishments and positive impacts he’s had in their lives.

Take some time to examine your accomplishments, and don’t try to say you don’t have any. Think back through your life. You probably took difficult classes, but you got through. You may have been on sports teams or fostered a talent like music or art. Some people are great at volunteering, which always makes a positive impact on others.

Your accomplishments don’t need to be grand to matter. Things you did that had a positive impact on someone else are accomplishments, but so are overcoming challenges and reaching goals.

Make your list and allow it to sit. Other things will come to you, and you can add them. Seeing these accomplishments will help you understand that you do have value and you are worthy of having great people and things in your life.

Consider Your Own Needs

It’s great to want to help people, but not at the expense of your own needs. We all have some basic needs that go unmet in codependent relationships. This includes proper diet, getting enough rest, taking time for self-care, and having boundaries that protect your values.

The takers in codependent relationships are often great boundary crashers, leaving you with a pile of rubble instead of healthy boundaries to protect yourself.

What needs do you have that are going unmet? This can be difficult to think about because you’re accustomed to setting aside those needs, but deep down, you know what they are.

For some, it’s a need to have time to yourself, quiet time just to breathe and exist without pressures or commitments. For others, it’s spending time on a hobby or reading. While a boundary crasher might want you to think you’re being selfish by tending to your own needs, it simply isn’t true.

Be Kind to Yourself

It’s time to end the stream of negativity that’s running through your head. This is a slow process because changing your thought processes doesn’t happen overnight. You didn’t develop those negative thoughts quickly and they won’t go away quickly.

Consider seeking professional help if you feel you can’t do this on your own. There’s no shame in it whatsoever.

To change your thought patterns, first, begin noticing all those negative things you say to yourself. They might seem harmless, but they aren’t. As you hear them, write them down and then follow up with a positive statement that reflects what is most likely the truth.

I’m so stupid becomes I can do anything if I try. In the future, as you hear those negative thoughts, you can replace them with positive ones. It takes continuous effort, but the outcome is well worth it!

Replace Negative Relationships with Positive

Sometimes, you need to do a little housecleaning in your relationships. We tend to draw people to us who are most like us so there’s a great possibility that you have some negative people in your life right now.

Look at your closest relationships and the individuals in them. Is this person a positive person who is supportive of you and tries to pull you up, or is this person someone who helps bring you down?

If the person is someone in your family, it’s often tricky to completely extricate them from your life, but in that case, try to limit your exposure to them and begin setting and enforcing boundaries.

Establish Boundaries

Speaking of boundaries, now that you’re beginning to understand and improve your self-worth, it’s time to protect it with boundaries. Nobody, including you, can treat you like crap any longer. You aren’t going to allow anyone to take advantage of you or treat you as if you’re less worthy.

To determine where you need boundaries, first examine when you’ve felt taken advantage of. For example, if someone in your family always comes to you asking for money, you can set a boundary. In this rebuilding of you, you’re hopefully working on securing your financial situation, so lending or giving money to someone would go against that value or goal.

When that family member asks again for money, you either need to limit it to an amount that won’t hurt you financially or decline the request altogether. If you do loan someone money, even if it’s family, always create a written document to state their intention to repay, how, and when.

That’s a boundary. People who have pushed past your boundaries before will resist and try to get you to cave in, but you must stand firm, regardless of what they say. Always remember in a situation like this that they’ve gotten themselves into whatever financial mess they’re in. It’s not your job to get them out. Just like it’s not your job to get someone out of any mess they create.

Learn to Say “No”

People with low self-worth are often “yes” people. They will say yes to any request because they fear that if they don’t, they’ll lose the relationship.

Saying no after a lifetime of being a “yes” woman isn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t start anyway. If someone doesn’t want to be around you because you stood your ground for your own reasons, whatever they are, that’s on them. You can’t control the behavior of other people. You can only control your own.

People who are accustomed to taking advantage of you in the past will try to convince you to change your mind. The question to ask yourself is what you’re saying “No” to if you say “Yes” to their request. Additionally, if you say “No” and then change it to a “Yes”, you’ll have a hard time saying “No” to that person in the future.

Someone who wants to push you past your comfort zone or value and limits doesn’t have your best interest in mind, they have their own in mind.

Get to Know Yourself

What do you like to do? What do you like to eat? Where would you like to live? Have you ever considered these questions without considering someone else’s opinion?

If you could spend your time doing something you truly enjoyed, what would that be? Often when you’re in a codependent relationship, you don’t know the answers to these questions because your whole life has been focused on someone else’s wants and needs.

Now it’s time to learn about you, your wants and needs, and then spend time pursuing those things.

Disengage Some

It’s time to put some physical and emotional distance between you and others. This isn’t about abandoning someone or ending your relationship, it’s just about putting some space in there so you can complete these other steps.

Disengaging or detaching yourself isn’t selfish, just like self-care isn’t, but it is necessary to improve your situation. What it does is allow you the space to get to know yourself and become the person you truly want to be. When you disengage, you stop:

• Participating in arguments
• Involving yourself in a situation that feels uncomfortable or unsafe
• Putting the feelings, opinions, and needs of others ahead of yours
• Trying to fix other peoples’ problems, listening instead without action
• Nagging and criticizing others
• Saying “Yes” all the time
• Allowing people to crash your boundaries
• Being reactive, instead of remaining calm and evaluating the situation to determine what your proper reaction should be

Accept Responsibility for What’s Yours Only

It becomes a bad habit to accept responsibility for your partner’s bad choices and to try to fix them, but to recover from codependency in relationships, you must stop.

Additionally, you must own your responsibility for where you are in your own life. Yes, things from your childhood got you here, but now that you recognize the problem, it’s time to take charge of the situation and own your part.

You can make your situation better for you. If you’re with someone who is a spendthrift, don’t allow him access to your money. If you’re sharing in the expenses, pay your half yourself. Most companies have online systems now, which makes it easy. Yes, you still might experience the electricity being shut off if he doesn’t pay his half, but you also have the option to stay with a friend or relative and not suffer the consequences of his actions.

Don’t allow the words of others to continue to make you believe that you can’t take care of your own needs. You’re an adult with free will to make choices and so is your partner, friend, or family member. Stop accepting responsibility for their choices and start owning your own.

End the Victim Mentality

It’s easy to blame others for everything wrong in our lives. You’re in a codependent relationship now because of something someone did or didn’t do in your childhood. How you deal with it is up to you. It goes back to accepting responsibility but takes it one step further.

Being a victim means never owning your role in anything. Life happens to you. You’re not an actor but a recipient.

Instead, become a student of life who is always growing and learning. Set aside the desire to shirk responsibility and start owning your life. You are the only one who can truly make changes in your life. You’re responsible for becoming the next version of yourself, whatever that is. Set your mind in a new direction where there’s no more blaming, just becoming the best version of yourself you can be.

With ditching the victim mentality comes the freedom to become whomever you want to be. You can chart your new course, set your own goals, and determine your values, then live your life to become the person who follows the course, achieves goals, and adheres to those values.

Codependency in a Relationship Doesn’t Need to be Permanent

Now that you’re aware of what codependency in a relationship looks like, you can move toward being proactive, instead of reactive in your life. You can take the steps to move away from that type of relationship, either with or without the other person in the codependency.

Chances are good that if you have a codependent romantic relationship, you have other codependent relationships as well, probably within your family, but they could be hiding in your friendships too.

Work toward taking those steps and nature will take care of the rest. As others see you making positive changes, one of two things will happen. Either they’ll ask to join you and learn how you’re making all those great changes, or they’ll resist and fall away. Either is acceptable if you remember that you can only control and change yourself. Whatever someone else chooses to do is on them.

Having an effective self-care routine is crucial to your daily peace and happiness, but many people falsely believe that self-care is simply taking a hot bath with a glass of wine and some candles.

There are so many other ways to enjoy a self-care routine and this book walks you through them, providing you with many choices on how you can implement a self-care routine into your schedule. 

The idea of a perfect date varies between couples. If you’re planning a first date, you might think of something different than a couple who’s married with kids, looking to escape the madness for a few hours.

The Idea of the Perfect Date

I asked my readers for their suggestions and got some great ideas to share with you today. Many agreed that an adventure date or a date where they could talk and get to know one another was the idea of a perfect date. Some of those suggestions were:

• Riding bikes along the trails
• Having a picnic under a nice big tree and making love, whether the coast is clear or not
• Enjoying an outdoor dinner at a local hangout
• Getting my guy to join me in one of my hobbies like horseback riding
• Coffee
• A car ride in my boyfriend’s ’67 Mustang, preferably with the top down, if it isn’t too hot
• Dinner and a movie where I pick dinner and he chooses the movie or vice versa
• A scary movie so I can grab him and pull him in, then steal his popcorn
• Sunset at the beach is the most romantic time
• Hiking
• Jumping in the RV and heading to a state park for the weekend so we can enjoy skinny dipping at night, making love under the stars, and grilling over an open fire
• Meeting at the dog park to see how he treats his dog and mine, and to see if my dog approves of him
• Kayaking and if he can keep up with me, he gets a second date, if he can’t too bad for him
• An amusement park or a haunted house
• Dinner and a concert
• Go carts

First Date Challenges

Obviously, a few of those weren’t first-date ideas, but many of them would be. While the traditional first date is to go somewhere for dinner, this is the most awkward date you can find. If one of you is shy or very nervous, it can be a struggle to find conversational topics.

If you’re out doing something, the pressure to enjoy a conversation is gone. You’re too busy enjoying yourselves to worry about what to say next.

Additionally, when you enjoy an adventurous first date, you see more of one another’s true colors. You can see how he manages challenges and adversity, as well as how supportive he is of you if you’re trying something challenging or new.

These types of dates also take the pressure off when it comes to choosing your wardrobe for the date. If you’re going for a bike ride or a hike, you can dress appropriately in jeans or shorts and a t-shirt or sweatshirt.

Regardless of what date you choose, dress comfortably and conservatively. Dressing to show off too much skin for a first date sends the wrong signal. It says you believe your greatest asset is your body, not your mind and intellect. Great men are interested in all of them, of course, but they’ll respect you more if you leave some things to their imagination!

Subsequent Dates

Not all your dates need to be like this. There’s nothing wrong with the occasional dinner and a movie date, and it’s even mentioned above, but it isn’t a great first date. In fact, if you’re married, this might be the perfect date because you can sit and talk, which may be challenging if you have small children at home.

Still, enjoying adventures or dates where you’re doing versus sitting are more enjoyable and telling. My assistant, Kirbie, has a daughter who’s getting married in a couple of months. They recently enjoyed time with family and friends at her bridal shower. One of the activities they had was for everyone to write date night ideas on a large popsicle stick that they then put in a jar.

The next day, the couple told Kirbie that they loved this and her soon-to-be son-in-law was even writing his own ideas on sticks and adding them to the jar. They said they sometimes just look at one another and shrug their shoulders when they want to do something together and having the jar will help them enjoy some different activities.

Of course, the groom pulled out his first stick and it said candle making. He decided that if he could make a candle that smelled manly, he was on board!

The Idea of a Perfect Date for Date Night

I am a huge proponent of date nights for couples because it helps keep the relationship from becoming routine, stale or dead. I always encourage couples to schedule a weekly date night so they can reconnect and enjoy time together.

These nights should be as technology-free as possible and shouldn’t be about arguing or complaining. It’s a time to reconnect and recharge the couple batteries. Talk about things that happened throughout the week, like the big report you gave at work and how he might be up for a promotion. Talk about planning a vacation together or your plans for the future.

When you plan your week, put date night on first and make it a priority. It’s the one thing on your calendar you can’t cancel or reschedule. If your partner and your relationship are important to you, so is this time together.

What Most Men Prefer

Most men prefer fun dates. This is how they spend time with their friends and it’s how they want to spend time with you. While most men are okay with sitting down for dinner, if you asked, most would prefer an adventure.

If you’re an exclusive couple, make yourselves a date night jar and ask friends for ideas. Add your own ideas as well and then pull out a stick when it comes time for your date. The rule is that if you pull out the stick, you have to do the activity unless the weather is prohibitive of course.

Below are some final tips for the idea of a perfect date for you to consider:

• Go to a drive-in movie or set one up at home
• Camp out in your living room with blankets and pillows, maybe even a tent, s’mores in the fireplace, or popcorn and a movie
• Visit the local zoo, arboretum, museum, or another similar venue
• Go dancing or take dancing lessons together
• Visit a nearby small town and peruse the shops, finish with dinner at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant
• Merge one of your hobbies with one of his – a car show where you take tons of photos for example
• Take a cooking class together
• Putt-putt golfing is always fun and men love competition
• Visit a local festival and enjoy ethnic or international food

Regardless of what you choose, if you’re both laid back and prepared to enjoy one another, you’ll have a great time!

Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you’ll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They’re added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

To learn more about it, click here. To purchase the book, click one of the buttons below.