Unveiling the Truth: Are Soul Mates Real?

Unveiling the Truth: Are Soul Mates Real?

The concept of soul mates has been a topic of interest for many psychologists who have proposed several theories. One such theory is the Jungian Theory, named after Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. According to this theory, we all have an ‘anima’ or ‘animus’ (the feminine and masculine aspects within us). Jung said we are naturally drawn to people who embody the traits of our anima or animus. We often interpret this as finding our ‘soul mate’ or ‘other half’.

Attachment Theory

The Attachment Theory is another psychological theory related to soul mates. This theory suggests that our early relationships with our caregivers shape our adult relationships. In this context, a soul mate could be someone who satisfies our attachment needs, providing a sense of security and comfort. This person may not be a ‘perfect match’ in every aspect, but they fulfill our emotional needs.

Romantic Idealism

Then there’s the theory of Romantic Idealism. This theory posits that our belief in soul mates is influenced by our cultural and societal norms. We’re often fed the idea of ‘the one’ through various forms of media, leading us to believe in the existence of a perfect partner. Our relationships and perception of what a soul mate should be are influenced by this belief.

Biological Theory

Another interesting theory is the Biological Theory. This theory suggests that we’re biologically programmed to seek certain traits in a partner that would ensure the survival and success of our offspring. In this context, a soul mate could be someone who possesses these desirable traits.

Constructed Memory

Lastly, the theory of Constructed Memory suggests that our memories are not always accurate and can be influenced by our current feelings and beliefs. This means we might construct the idea of a soul mate based on our current feelings towards a person, rather than actual past experiences. This theory challenges the notion of ‘love at first sight’ often associated with the concept of soul mates.

are soul mates real

Setting the Stage: What Exactly is a Soul Mate?

Think about those moments when you’ve met someone and it felt like you’ve known them forever. This is an inexplicable connection that’s hard to shake off. It feels deeper than physical attraction and focuses on the abstract concept of ‘soul mates’. But what does this really mean? Is a soul mate someone who completes you, like two halves of a perfect whole? Or perhaps, is it about finding someone who helps you grow into your best self?

The concept of soul mates is as complex as the variety of individual perspectives. For some, this is about a romantic partner who fits perfectly into their life, like a key to a lock. For others, it’s a cherished relationship that might not be romantic, but fosters personal growth and harmonic synergy. It’s as if two souls are aligning in a dance of cosmic resonance. The idea of a soul mate is a notion that carries profound depth and the potential for endless interpretations.

This multifaceted interpretation extends back to ancient times. Plato, the Greek philosopher, surmised that humans were originally created with two faces, four arms, and four legs. Following a fear that they would become too powerful, the gods divided them, and hence, each person is always in search of their other half, their soul mate.

However, is all of this a beautiful metaphor or a tangible truth? Are those chills down your spine when you meet someone a sign of a soul mate connection, or a simple physiological reaction? To uncover these answers, it’s important to dig into the power of connection and the science behind soul mates—let’s set off on this exploratory journey together.

Debunking Myths: Common Misconceptions About Soul Mates

Let’s clear up some of these popular misinterpretations about what a soul mate is.

A common myth is that there is only one soul mate for each person. This has been perpetuated by movies and books, but the reality is not so limiting. It’s much more plausible to understand that you can connect deeply with multiple people throughout your life. Each of these connections are unique and meaningful in their own way.

A second frequently touted misconception is that soul mates must be romantic partners. While this is often the case in popular culture, it doesn’t have to be the standard. A soul mate, at its core, is someone with whom you share a deep, mutual connection. In many cases, this could be a friend, a family member, or even a mentor.

Finally, another misleading belief is that when you meet your soul mate, everything will fall perfectly into place. Relationships, even with a soul mate, require effort and work. Encountering challenges and overcoming them together is a key aspect of deepening that essential connection.

It’s crucial to understand these myths about soul mates so you don’t misinterpret what you’re feeling. Instead of searching high and low for the single perfect person who fits an ideal fantasy, perhaps it’s more beneficial to focus on the meaningful connections you can form with the people already in your life and meet along your journey. The harmonious soul connections you develop could be much more rewarding than you could have ever imagined.

are soul mates real

Soul Mate or Life Partner: Understanding the Difference

A soul mate connection is believed to be immensely deep and meaningful, transcending the physical realm. Themes of love that withstand the test of time, destiny, and the idea of ‘two halves of a whole’ are all often associated with the idea of a soul mate.

A life partner, on the other hand, often carries a more pragmatic understanding. Relationships with life partners are marked by mutual respect, shared goals, and a strong commitment to nurturing the relationship. The bond is based more on choice and effort rather than on predestined fate or profound cosmic connection.

Navigating the grey area between soul mates and life partners can be challenging. It’s easy to find yourself tangled in romantic notions of finding ‘the one.’ However, it’s essential to remember that healthy and fulfilling relationships require effort, understanding, and resilience.

Sure, the idea of finding your soul mate is undeniably romantic. It’s a notion that’s been ingrained in our minds and hearts through countless movies, songs, and novels. Yet, the reality is often more complex than such simplistic narratives. While a soul mate can undoubtedly add tremendous value and depth to your life, seeking a life partner – someone who stands by you, supports you, and grows with you – can serve as a more solid foundation for a long-lasting, rewarding relationship.

Whether you believe in soul mates, life partners, or both, it’s crucial to remember that every relationship is unique. What works for one may not work for another. It’s more about creating a bond that aligns with your individual needs, desires, and life goals.

Signs, Signals, and Synchronicities: Recognizing Your Soul Mate

Many imagint meeting a soul mate feels like a rush of emotion, that moment when your eyes meet, and instantly knowing you’ve found ‘the one’. But is it really that simple or is it more subtle and nuanced? Let’s get into the tangible signs that might just lead you to your soul mate.

Recognizing your soul mate doesn’t always happen when you meet. It could take time, patience, and a genuine connection built on mutual respect and shared experiences. You might feel an immediate pull towards him, a sense of familiarity, like your paths were always meant to cross.

Pay attention to how you feel in his presence. Do you feel calm, at ease? If your soul mate is near, there’s a chance you’ll experience a sense of peace and comfort that you can’t quite explain. There still may be disagreements or friction at times – after all, we’re all human – but a sense of harmony should be the norm, not the exception.

Synchronicity, first coined by psychiatrist Carl Jung, refers to the occurrence of events that seem related but are not explained by conventional mechanisms of causality. In layman’s terms, you might consider these to be meaningful coincidences. Perhaps you and your potential soul mate share common interests, dreams, or have had similar life experiences. These compelling similarities can feel like the universe aligning to bring you both together.

Ultimately, the journey to finding your soul mate can be beautiful, exciting, and full of revelations. The key is to stay open to the signs, trust your instincts and, most importantly, believe in the journey, because it’s just as much about self-growth and understanding as it is about finding the other half of your soul.

Intuition and Inner Knowing: The Role of Gut Feelings in Identifying Soul Mates

Sometimes, your intuition is at play – that deep inner knowing that often plays a crucial role in identifying soul mates.

It’s not something you can explain logically or certainly not something that you’ve experienced before. Yet, there’s a certain sense of familiarity – as though you’re reconnecting with a long-lost friend. We’ve all experienced such feelings, in various degrees, and when it comes to soul mates, this feeling is truly profound.

Beyond the realm of scientific proof or logical reasoning, this intuition is strongly rooted in your soul’s wisdom. Some people describe it as an inexplicable magnetism, an undeniable pull towards the other person. Others experience it as a calm assurance, a quiet certainty that this person is meant to be in their life.

Trusting your gut feeling is, therefore, an essential part of the soul mate journey. After all, your soul recognizes its counterpart before your mind comprehends it. While signs, signals, and synchronicities can guide you, it’s your inner knowing that affirms those pointers to be more than mere coincidences – they are, perhaps, cosmic confirmations.

Remember, just as the soul mate connection transcends the ordinary, recognizing your soul mate goes beyond ordinary experiences and emotions. Honour these feelings and trust your intuition, for it’s speaking in ways only your soul can truly understand.

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Psychological Perspective: What Science Says About Soul Mates

Psychologists believe that while there may not be a magical force leading us to ‘the one’, people do tend to seek partners with specific compatible traits. This psychological principle, known as “complementarity”, suggests people are drawn to those who possess characteristics that they, themselves, lack. Could this be the root of the idea of souls “completing” each other?

Increasingly, neuroscience is also weighing in on the topic. Recent studies have explored how deep connections between two people can result in a unique neurological pattern, creating an intense bond. However, this doesn’t necessarily signify a predestined pairing. What it tells us is that our brains adapt and evolve based on our experiences and the relationships that we form.

Finally, there’s the evolutionary perspective. Some evolutionary psychologists theorize that humans might have a natural inclination to pair bond – to keep together long enough to raise offspring. This instinct could contribute to our yearning for a profound, enduring romantic connection, or what we often dub as a “soul mate”.

In essence, the scientific community doesn’t entirely discount the idea of soul mates. However, they urge caution against overly romanticized or unrealistic expectations. They advocate for focusing more on building strong, healthy relationships, which may be a more likely pathway to finding a “soul mate”.

The Verdict: Are Soul Mates Real?

Given the information you’re read, it’s tough to draw a definitive conclusion. It ultimately falls upon your belief system and personal experiences. If you’re a firm believer in divine connection or destiny, the idea of soul mates can seem quite real and unquestionably valid. On the other hand, skeptics might see it as a mere construct of romantic novels and films.

Many psychologists and relationship experts argue that the concept of soul mates, while comforting, can actually put undue pressure on relationships. In their perspective, waiting for or seeking a perfect ‘other half’ may let you bypass opportunities for growth and deep emotional connection with others who aren’t ideal by some standards, but who bring value and enrichment to your life in their unique, imperfect ways.

Furthermore, there’s no scientific evidence to substantiate the existence of soul mates as we’ve discussed them in this context. But then again, love, akin to many human emotions, defies hard science’s grasp. It’s fraught with complexities and mystique that science has yet to comprehensively decipher.

So, dependent on your perspective, soul mates either exist in the metaphysical realm, where destiny intertwines two souls, or exist in the human mind, where love and connection take form as the idea of soul mates. Ultimately, the belief in soul mates really comes down to personal conviction influenced by your experiences and outlook on life and love.

In the end, whether you believe in soul mates, one thing rings true: human connection—deep, meaningful, and personal—is undeniably real. And the joy such relationships bring, that’s what truly matters.

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend?

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend?

Just by asking the question, should I breakup with my boyfriend, you must already be clued in that something is wrong. Your intuition is pinging.

The obvious reasons for breaking up with someone include drug and alcohol addiction, as well as an addiction to pornography, infidelity, or abuse.

But what are some less obvious answers to the question, should I breakup with my boyfriend? Let’s look at a few.

You Aren’t Growing Together

We grow in maturity and intellectual abilities throughout our lives, but we don’t all do it at the same rate.

As a couple, you can grow by trying new things together. Try new types of ethnic food, working out together or traveling to new places. Choose a hobby to work on together or read books together.

You try together and you learn what works and what doesn’t. Have fun and build deeper intimacy. You’re a team who can take on the world! Building memories together helps your relationship stay fresh and fun.

Grow as an individual by exploring new things on your own. Try a new hairstyle or color. Perhaps you decide your old wardrobe doesn’t reflect who you are any longer. You might explore a new hobby or a passion you have. Reading is a great way to grow and there are millions of self-help books available if that’s what you want.

You’ll know you aren’t growing together in a couple ways. One of you may feel bored. Sex is non-existent, and you find yourselves arguing more than doing things together.

You may feel as if one of you is being left behind. You’re out there trying new things and he’s sitting at home playing video games with his friends all night.

You ask, “Should I breakup with my boyfriend?” The answer depends.

Your gut is already telling you to consider breaking up, but this is also fixable. If you think you can talk to him about it, invite him to explore something new with you and see if he’s agreeable. You might be able to fix it if you can find your way back to growth that supports one another instead of leaves one behind.

You’re Two Very Different People Now

This feels like the last one, but it isn’t the same. Sometimes, people get together, and the chemistry is so hot that you just launch yourselves into a relationship. The sex is great, and that chemistry keeps you together, but not forever. Chemistry only gets you so far. Great sex doesn’t make a relationship and it isn’t the same as intimacy.

Intimacy comes from doing things you both enjoy, together. It’s those afternoons picking apples or painting the living room that pull you closer together. It’s the time when he was sick and you brought him some chicken soup, then stayed to help clean up and maybe watch a little Netflix.

You may discover that he’s not an animal person, but you love your Great Dane and can’t imagine parting with her. He could be very outdoorsy while you prefer to stay in. One of you could be very social while the other prefers to stay at home.

These aren’t things you discover when all you’re working with is hot chemistry. They’re the day-to-day things that start to pile up. It keeps you both from living the life you enjoy because you feel an obligation to do everything together.

None of this makes either of you bad people, it just means you need to work through it or find someone new. You ask me, “Gregg, should I breakup with my boyfriend?”

My answer is this. Have you even discussed what’s bothering you yet? It’s possible he too is feeling the problem but is afraid to approach you.

Talking will solve this one way or the other. You’ll either find a way to work through your differences or you’ll decide it’s better to find someone else.

should I breakup with my boyfriend

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend if One or Both of Us Has Changed?

Sometimes you go into a relationship thinking you know what you want, only to find out later that you’re wrong. This happens to both men and women, and it doesn’t make either of you wrong or bad. It just means you’ve figured some stuff out about yourself and you aren’t the same person.

Many things happen to cause change in either direction – for the better or for the worse.

One of you may experience the loss of a loved one and you’re having trouble finding your way out of the sadness. You may have decided you want to start a family soon, but he doesn’t want kids. It’s something you discussed peripherally before but now, you’re serious and so is he.

For men, the loss of a job or financial status can be a very hard blow, one women don’t often understand. It can send a guy into a tailspin.

Whatever the cause and whichever of you has changed isn’t the issue. The issue is that you don’t feel compatible any longer and there’s nothing wrong with that. What would be wrong is to continue as if nothing problematic was happening.

Instead of asking, should I breakup with my boyfriend, sit down and discuss your differences. If it seems that a breakup is in order, then do it. There’s nothing wrong with ending a relationship if it isn’t the right one for you.

Are You Ready to End it?

Not all breakups are initiated by a man. If you're ready to end this relationship, go for it. Only you know whether you're happy and if the relationship is fulfilling your needs. It's possible that he feels the same way but you're both afraid to take that step. It's okay. Read some of the other articles on the subject by clicking below. They're here to help.

The Dreaded Mid-Life Crisis

Everyone talks about men wanting convertibles, younger women, and a full head of hair but women have mid-life crises as well.

You feel as if there’s something in your life you can’t fulfill in your current relationship. Your fight or flight has kicked in and flight seems the proper response.

Fight or flight is a result of anxious thinking. You’re worried about something that will or won’t happen in the future and you’re afraid that if you don’t exit the relationship right now, you won’t be able to either make something happen or avoid something else.

You might feel as if you missed out on part of your youth because you started getting into serious relationships at a young age and have stayed in them since. Now, you find yourself wanting to go back and experience those things.

Instead of asking, should I breakup with my boyfriend, the question to ask is if you need to explore and experience alone or can your boyfriend tag along? If you really think you need to do this alone, explain it to him and maybe you can come to some sort of arrangement.

You never know until you try!

What I encourage you not to do is ignore this feeling, while at the same time helping you understand that you can’t recapture your youth and there are some experiences that are better left behind you, whether you got to enjoy them or not.

should I breakup with my boyfriend

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend over Outside Influences?

In this category you find things like religion and politics. As you age and mature, you might find that you’ve grown apart in an important area of life. You might have shifted your beliefs in one direction or another and he went the other way.

It’s okay to be different in these areas of life. The question is can you live with your boyfriend being a Democrat if you’re a staunch Republican? Can you date someone who doesn’t believe in God if you have strong Christian beliefs? Couples do live together in these circumstances. They agree to disagree and leave those topics of discussion off the table.

Another outside influence can be an ex, especially if shared custody of children, or even animals, is involved. Often when two different families are parenting children, there are vast differences. Children come home from one home to the other and must adjust to different rules and parenting styles.

This can really do a number on any relationship and it’s not good for the kids either. Here, the best path forward, if possible, would be to work with the ex you’re sharing custody with and see if you can work out those parenting issues, for the kids, not for your relationship. Your relationship is a side problem.

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend?

As you’ve read, there are several different situations which can place a strain on a relationship, but most of them are things you can work through if you can talk to one another.

On the other hand, your gut might be telling you it’s time to get out and you can’t find the reason in any of these situations.

In that case, it’s probably best to sit down and agree to a split. There’s no reason to be ugly or unkind to one another. You’ve just come to a point where your relationship doesn’t work any longer. The mature adult thing to do is end it well and keep a friend, or at least avoid making an enemy.

How to Get Over a Breakup

If you decide to breakup, I recommend He’s Gone, Now What? This a breakup book specifically written to help you overcome the unexpected repercussions of a breakup. You’ll discover the nine stages of grieving a relationship as well as the impact a breakup has on your body and mind. Even if the breakup is your idea, you will experience all these things.

The book also helps you sort things out and prepare yourself for a new relationship! You can read more about it here, or buy it by clicking the buy button below.

Are you living like you're dying, or are you plugging along on autopilot, waiting for something great to happen but not really pursuing it? Is your life as fulfilling as it can be? Do you dream of a different life? Do you sometimes feel as if you're walking through life, half asleep?

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Is He Moving Too Fast? How to Control the Pace of a Relationship

Is He Moving Too Fast? How to Control the Pace of a Relationship

Is he moving too fast? Can you control the pace of a relationship?

You’ve known this guy for fourteen days. He texts every day, makes future dates and even talks about a trip to Italy. You’ve already met his kids and you’re concerned that it’s a bit too early for him to meet yours.

You like him. You think. But he’s moving too fast in your opinion.

What do you do?

Here’s what most women do and why their new relationship subsequently fails. They allow a man to dictate the pace of the relationship.

Unfortunately, men’s mouths get ahead of their intentions.

I’m guilty of this myself. I think I really like a woman, so I go all in. Then, I realize suddenly that I’m headed for a serious relationship with someone I hardly know. Deep down, I know I’ve been selling her my best self and she’s never seen the not-so-great side of me.

Men panic and flake because it’s easier than backing out of the Italy trip. It happens all the time.

It’s not your fault. Your only mistake is letting him determine the pace of a relationship because you like him and you’re happy to be dating a descent guy.

The person who controls the pace of the relationship becomes the attracter. If you slow him down, he’ll be more into you because you hold power. You become a challenge and, as you know, men are competitors who strive to earn your love.

Controlling the pace of a relationship benefits you exponentially. It also becomes a test for him. If you slow things down and he gets angry at you, you just saved yourself months, maybe years, of dating a potential head case!

is he moving too fast

How Do You Slow Him Down?

Slowing him down is easy. You can use this exact template or add your own spin.

“Gregg, I’m having a ton of fun and I like you. I like the direction we are headed in, but I’ve learned that getting to know someone takes me time and I need to slow things down. Okay?”

They key element is that you tell him that you like him and that you like where you are headed and then you state your goal of slowing the pace of the relationship.

You could even kid about the psychology of guys by saying, “Jim, I’ve dated guys before who were this eager only to realize their mouths got ahead of their brains. Let’s chill a bit and take our time. Now, what movie are we watching tonight?”

This example states what you know through your own experience, gives him a nice exit to cool his jets, is humorous, and then gets right back to the fun of dating!

Either example works. Just make sure you use one and use it as soon as you wonder if he is moving too fast.

the pace of a relationship

What Happens After You Tell Him He is Moving Too Fast?

A good guy gets it. He talks with himself and realize he was shooting for the stars too soon. He respects you for telling him, and he wants to up his game to keep you in his life.

The best part is other women will pale in comparison to you! You are the only one who put the brakes on his pushiness and that increases his respect for you.

Let him take the reigns again. It’s okay. You’ve exercised your power and now you can let him continue making plans alongside you. If he still pushes to meet your kids, smile and let him know now is not the time, but maybe soon.

What are the stages of a relationship?

Summary | How to Control the Pace of a Relationship

This is one of the many attraction principles that reel in a guy like a cat to tuna. Few women realize that controlling the pace of the relationship helps attract the man into your life not out.

Controlling the dance is a way of expressing confidence and establishing boundaries with someone you’re interested in.

The next time a guys mouth gets ahead of his intentions, you know what to do!

Ultimately, the success of any relationship is excellent communication. Without it, you have nothing. Learning to control the pace of a relationship is all about using your communication skills.

In The Power to Communicate, you learn these skills! This book isn't written as a relationship building book, and yet, without great communication, no relationship can survive.

Improving your communication skills benefits all your relationships, at work, at home, with friends and family. If you're going to read one book this month, make it this one!

How to Save a Relationship That’s on the Edge

How to Save a Relationship That’s on the Edge

You once had a great relationship, but now it’s flittering on the edge and you want to know how to save a relationship that’s about to fall apart.

Gone are the days when he would call and you’d talk into the wee hours of the morning. Also gone are the moments when you see him and you get that fluttery feeling in your stomach.

He feels distant now and you’re afraid you’re losing him. What can you do? Before we dive into that, let’s first determine if your relationship is worth saving.

Is This Relationship Worth Saving?

Not every relationship has what it takes to succeed. Some are just too unhealthy to be rescued. How do you know which you have?

When Not to Save a Relationship | There is Abuse

I don’t care what someone tells you, you never deserve to be physically, sexually, or emotionally abused. Not ever. Period.

If you’re in a relationship where you’re being hurt in one of those ways, you need to find a safe and sure way to extract yourself.

One or Both of You Are Addicts

If one or both of you are battling an addiction, that should be your focus, not rescuing your relationship. Right now, you’re not good for each other. You might be again someday, but recovery is a long and difficult road, often taking a year or more.

All your time and attention should go toward being well. Even if you aren’t the one battling an addiction, you’re being negatively impacted and you should seek professional assistance to work on being whole again.

You Probably Can’t Save a Relationship if It’s too Young

A young relationship that feels like it’s in trouble probably can’t be rescued. Since you’re the one researching the topic, I’ll assume he’s the one pulling away.

Why do Men Pull Away?

The reason a young relationship can’t often be rescued is that you probably don’t have enough history and wonderful moments together to bond you. You haven’t had time to build enough intimacy to make the glue you need.

He’s Not There for You

In the times when you needed him most, was he there for you? And by there I mean emotionally there. Your childhood dog died and he went off to play soccer with his friends instead of staying with you.

The company you’ve worked at for ten years is shutting its doors and you’re suddenly unemployed. Is he there with encouraging words or does he ignore your texts and calls?

Sometimes there is a bigger load to carry and you want your partner to help shoulder that load. At times, he may need the support, but when it’s you, is he there?

Don’t Save a Relationship Where He’s the King of Poor Hygiene

I’m sorry but if someone doesn’t value themselves enough to do basic things like brush their teeth and take a shower, they aren’t going to value you much either.

You’re in their life for a different reason and it has nothing to do with love or mutual respect. It’s more likely that you’re cooking for him and cleaning up his Cheeto crumbs while he plays video games.

Is Your Relationship Over?

Do you think your relationship is teetering on the edge of disaster? Has he aleady left? This is a great article for sure, but there are others! Just click the button to read them.

He’s High Maintenance

We all hear about high-maintenance women, but men can be high-maintenance too.

Kim and Reggie had a good relationship until Reggie’s dad came to visit. His dad was a sweet man whose wife of forty years had just passed away after a long battle with cancer. Joe needed a distraction and Kim was happy to play hostess.

Instead, what she got was a clear view of what her future resembled. Joe’s wife had done everything for him. And I mean everything. While he was as sweet as he could be, he was also very high-maintenance. Reggie had exhibited behaviors that got on her nerves but she couldn’t put a label on them until Joe came to visit.

Reggie was every bit as high-maintenance as his dad, perhaps more so and Kim didn’t do high maintenance.

Unfortunately, after that, it was all downhill and Kim got out of the relationship.

The problem with some high-maintenance people is that they put a high value on things that often don’t matter. In that instance, you’re providing him with something that makes him feel better about himself. You’re beautiful or you make a lot of money are usually the two biggies.

For others who are high maintenance, they’re looking for a mommy. Not a mother, a mommy. Someone who will do everything for them. Cook, clean, do laundry, and so on. This guy didn’t learn how to take care of himself for one reason or another and now he’s on a quest to find that woman.

Neither relationship is based on love but on need.

A Relationship Isn’t Worth Saving if You Want or Believe in Different Things

When you first get into a relationship, you don’t discuss things like whether you want children or if you want to travel the world, live on a boat, or become the video game champion of the world.

Then, you get closer, and the relationship continues. Now, you discover that he never wants to have kids or he wants a Housefull while your desires are the opposite.

Sometimes, people change their minds, but it’s not a good idea to gamble on that happening.

If you want different things, you probably need different partners who want those things.

Values present a similar problem. You might not share all the same values, but you need to agree on the big ones, like finances, lifestyles, and family.

You’re Financially Incompatible

When one of you is a spendthrift and the other is financially responsible, things can become frustrating for both of you in a hurry.

Of course, it pays to be financially responsible, but not everyone was brought up that way. Some folks just don’t know how to do it.

You might be able to come together on this one, but it will take patience and a willingness to make big changes.

Never Save a Relationship When You’re a Secret

When a guy is in love, he wants his friends and family to meet you. Not right away, but eventually. He’s sometimes willing to share your relationship on social media.

When he keeps you a secret from those people after you’ve been together for a while, he’s most likely hiding a bigger secret, like he’s married or embarrassed by you in some way.

It’s also possible he has commitment issues, but the first is most often the case.

Your Gut Says So

You didn’t search for how to save a relationship today for no reason. Your gut is telling you something’s up.

What you’re hoping for is what you’ll find in the latter half of this article – how to save a relationship.

Meanwhile, you’ve read some of the dealbreakers above and you almost feel nauseated. That’s your sign, your gut telling you what your heart doesn’t want to hear.

Your intuition is very nearly always right, so don’t ignore it.

Do Not Save a Relationship Like This

If you experience any of these feelings, do not save a relationship:

  • You’re not being the best person you can be in the relationship
  • You don’t do things together, but instead of owning it to friends and family, you make excuses for why he’s not there
  • One or both of you don’t feel good enough or worthy of the other
  • You don’t like who you are when you’re together
  • You feel as if you’ve lost who you are in the relationship
  • The two of you no longer do things that you once enjoyed
  • You’d rather stick a needle in your eye than spend time with him
  • You give up who you are to keep him happy and avoid conflict
  • One or both of you no longer spend time with friends – they might see what’s wrong and ask questions
save a relationship

Save a Relationship by Pulling Back a Little

Yes, sometimes to get something, you must give something up. Your guy might be feeling a little smothered. Men tend to get a little spooked if the relationship is too constricting or if they feel like it’s moving too fast.

Instead, busy yourself by spending time with your friends or pursuing a hobby. I feel like a broken record when I say that because I feel like I say it all the time. Maybe I do, but it’s a true gem in the save a relationship toolbox.

Too often, people overcommit to a relationship. Attraction is exciting and you both feel this pull to one another that seems inescapable.

He’s having fun learning about you and you’re head-over-heels for him too.

The problem is that it can become smothering, especially for a guy. Guys fear losing their friendships when they’re in a relationship. It’s a cliché I suppose, but men are always afraid that once they commit to a woman, she’ll want to spend all her time with him.

This isn’t a healthy relationship. Healthy is when you both spend time with your outside interests as well as with one another. Even when you’re married, you should maintain outside friendships and hobbies that pull you away from one another. It helps you appreciate your time together that much more.

Focus on the Positive

It’s easy to get bogged down in the negatives of any situation, and negativity breeds, so once you find one negative thing, others seem to stand out. The next thing you know, your whole life is full of negativity, and you can’t see the positive.

Instead, try focusing on the positive things. Appreciate one another. If he does something nice, instead of finding the one tiny thing wrong with what he did, find something nice to say, “Wow, Bob! The lawn looks great and I appreciate how you trimmed up to the flower gardens without ruining the flowers.” Don’t mention the 1” wide, 6” strip of the lawn he missed. It won’t be noticeable in a couple of days.

Everyone likes to feel appreciated. Both positivity and negativity breed themselves, so if you switch from negative to positive, it will help shift the general mood of your relationship.

If you struggle to find the positive, try keeping a gratitude journal. Find things to be grateful for. During COVID, maybe it was toilet paper. Now, I’m grateful if I find gasoline that’s under $3.50 a gallon!

Save a Relationship by Working on Yourselves Individually

To be great partners, you must maintain your individuality and be strong as individuals. To do so, spend some time getting back in touch with who you are. We’re constantly changing as individuals, but sometimes, we don’t take the time to note those changes and how they might impact our lives.

You don’t need to separate to do this, but you do need to be honest with one another. When you’re both happy, or at least not arguing and throwing things at one another, sit down and talk about your relationship and your need to reconnect with yourself.

Let him know you want to spend some time on yourself and ask him if he’d like to do so as well. Things to do during this time might include:

  • Evaluating your core values and evaluating whether you’re living by them
  • Reviewing your boundaries and establishing new ones where necessary
  • Examining how much time you spend on self-care and perhaps adding more
  • Looking at how your friendships outside your relationship are faring and where you might find new friends
  • Excavating old hobbies or finding new ones to keep you busy; perhaps finding a hobby you can blend in with one of his
save a relationship

Save a Relationship by Learning How to Disagree

There’s fighting and there’s bickering. The difference is in how dirty you play.

When you fight, you play dirty. You’re name-calling and pulling out the most hurtful criticisms you can find. You’re intentionally trying to hurt the other person.

Bickering is different. Bickering means you don’t agree with something and you go back and forth on it, but you don’t allow the disagreement to dissolve into petty old hurts.

The challenge with a disagreement isn’t in the disagreement itself but in whether you resolve it. Leaving issues unresolved means they’ll come up again, and each time they rear their ugly heads, it’s a little worse because it’s like a festering wound. It just sits there and goes from bad to worse without any attention.

A little bickering is healthy. You aren’t always going to agree on everything, and if you are, someone isn’t being genuine.

Once you realize you have a disagreement brewing, stop. It might be helpful to create a funny sound or establish a funny word you use when you find yourself bickering.

This helps to quickly diffuse the situation. From there, sit down and listen to one another. Allow him to speak without forming your own statement until he’s done. Once he’s done, you state your position. Speak without malice or meanness. Your goal is to resolve the issue, not make things worse.

Most of the time, people just want to be heard. You want him to know where you’re coming from and he wants the same. It’s in the calm of the discussion that you find a resolution, and that’s the important thing.

Plan a Regular Date Night

This is one of the best things you can do for your relationship. Life gets crazy and you may find yourselves being pulled in different directions. If you have a weekly date night already penciled in on your calendar, you automatically have time for one another.

Many people put this on their calendar and it’s an immovable object. Nothing can supersede date night, except possibly a medical emergency.

When you’re enjoying date night, you have a few goals:

  • Avoid technology as much as possible unless one of you is on call or there are babysitters involved
  • No discussion of hot-point topics is allowed
  • Try to stay away from heavy-duty work stuff as much as possible
  • You each choose where you go or what you do on alternating weeks
  • Your focus is on your relationship and one another

Date night is a chance to check in and make sure things are bumping along as smoothly as possible. If you have something serious or heavy to discuss, maybe save it for when your “date” is over. This can be a time to address potential problems and deal with them before they get worse.

Save a Relationship by Celebrating the Wins

Your guy got a promotion. That’s worth at least his favorite cookies, if not his favorite meal or dinner out at his favorite place. There are plenty of opportunities to celebrate one another and any accomplishments you might enjoy.

If it’s been a dull week, celebrate not turning anything pink while doing the laundry or the fact that the dog did all her business outside.

Make this something fun you do together. It’s not a daily thing, or it becomes routine or boring, but maybe once a week or at the least, once every couple of weeks.

This goes along with focusing on the positives. Sometimes, there are just crappy weeks, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t something you can celebrate.

This helps both partners feel heard and validated instead of ignored and dismissed. Stay tuned in to what’s going on in his life so you can plan for these little celebratory moments. Not every celebration needs a special meal, but they all require acknowledgment and a tiny celebration dance if nothing else.

save a relationship

Learn One Another’s Love Languages

Gary Chapman did the world of love a big favor when he wrote The Five Love Languages. Essentially, what he defined are five ways in which we all best receive love.

If you each take a few moments to take the quiz on his website, you can discover your love languages.

This enables you to speak to your partner and show love to one another in the way you best receive it. For example, if your partner’s love language is touch, you can show your love for him by holding his hand or providing a gentle touch on his arm. They’re small things that mean so much.

Knowing how you each best receive love helps you show one another in meaningful ways just how much you care.

Save a Relationship by Keeping the Attraction Alive

When was the last time you just gave your guy a peck on the cheek for no reason? When did you last hold hands?

Affection is something that’s all hot and heavy in the early stages of a relationship but tends to fall off as the relationship ages.

But it doesn’t need to. Let him know you’re still attracted to him. Sometimes I hear from women who think they have the market cornered on not feeling as if their partner is still attracted to them.

Men feel this too. Smack him gently on the behind from time to time. Whisper something sexy in his ear when you’re out with his friends. Wear that sexy black number that he loves so much.

He needs to feel that you’re as attracted to him as he is to you.

Dig Up Something Fun You Did Together Previously

Dating is all about finding out more about one another. The more you date, the more you discover. There are some activities you did together that were tons of fun and you still remember them months or years later.

Dig up one of those activities. Go hiking in the woods or rock climbing. Rent a canoe and spend an afternoon on the water. Go watch a cheesy horror flick or revisit that milkshake shop you both loved.

These activities help you focus on one another and your relationship, if only for a little while. They also conjure up fond memories of something you shared previously. Those memories are valuable. I like to call them pennies in the jar. The more of them you have, the better your relationship.

Those types of moments build intimacy. Many believe, and even say someone was intimate as another word for sex but think about it. Hookups aren’t intimate. Moments you share with your guy where you both end up laughing hard, or tender moments shared doing something together are intimacy.

Save a Relationship by Trying Something New Together

While resurrecting an old activity is a great way to build intimacy, so is trying something new. Exploring something new or trying something one or both of you are fearful of is another way to bring you closer.

These activities put you in a similar place of feeling adventurous and sometimes a little nervous. You share those feelings and you overcome them together.

You can extend this into trying a new hobby together or combining one of your hobbies with one of his. One of you cooks and the other likes to blog and voila, you have a cooking blog. He might love old cars and you love photography so now you can go to antique car shows and museums and take photos.

These activities also put pennies in that jar for you and are great for relationship-building.

Take Mini-Vacations – Separately

You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. In this instance, absence gives you both time to move past whatever is bothering you. One or both of you are harboring negative feelings about your relationship right now and the distance will help you in a few ways.

First, it gives you time to assess the situation without living through it 24/7. With distance, you often gain clarity. You can see how your own actions and his are negatively impacting the situation.

Next, it allows you both to cool off. Don’t leave out of anger or leave abruptly. Agree to take a short break from one another with the understanding that you want to work on yourselves. During that time, whatever anger was lingering is likely to fade and a clearer head can prevail.

Additionally, once you cool off, your rational mind can kick in, which is an impossibility if you’re both angry, or otherwise emotional. Your mind can’t function rationally when you’re feeling overly emotional, so this gives you a chance to gain that clarity.

And finally, once you’ve both cooled off, assessed the situation, and done some thinking about one another, you’ll likely miss each other again. That’s when you know you’re ready to rediscover one another.

Save a Relationship by Seeing a Counselor or Therapist

Not everyone is open to seeing someone, but if you’ve tried the steps above and nothing good has come of it, and you both are invested in saving the relationship, then your next bet is professional help.

Professionals are objective. They’re not friends and family who have an emotional investment in one or both of you. Counselors also have experience and a whole lot of college under their belts. They’ve seen this before and they know just how to help.

If your guy refuses to seek professional help, you can go by yourself. We can always benefit from the advice of someone in the know. They can help point out things that we don’t see in ourselves and that our friends are too afraid to point out.

How Can You Save a Relationship?

Just like it takes two of you to make a great relationship, it will take both of you to save a relationship.

Never try to discuss something while one or both of you are angry. No good will come from that. Ever. Instead, give one another distance to cool down. Go for a run or head out for a window-shopping excursion with a friend. When you come back together, calmly discuss the problem.

I never suggest sitting down to discuss something when emotions are high. As I just said above, your mind can’t work with rational thought processes if you’re too emotional. The emotions overrun those logical thoughts.

You both must want to save the relationship and if one of you doesn’t, it’s time to consider splitting up, at least for a while.

You can’t force him to want to be with you. All you can do is show him how much you care. If he leaves, it’s time to change gears and work through the Five Step Process to Get Him Back, assuming you want him back that is.

*Note* There are a couple of books linked below. Pennies in the Jar is the first and is for couples who want to stay together. It provides strategies to strengthen your relationship and make it withstand the test of time.

He’s Gone Now What is the book for you if you’ve decided to end it and you want to move forward in a healthy way.

If you're ready to move on from this relationship, you're ready for He's Gone, Now What? This book walks you through the many aspects of dealing with a breakup, even if you're the one who initiated the breakup. Regardless of who started it, as they say, your body becomes addicted to the chemicals associated with being in love. The withdrawal process is as daunting as the withdrawal from cocaine.

You'll also learn about the stages of grieving a relationship and how to begin moving forward. You'll walk through the steps of preparing yourself for dating again and gain an understanding of how you can do so in a healthy, happy relationship.

You can learn more about the book here or you can purchase it by clicking one of the buttons below.

Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you'll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They're added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

To learn more about it, click here. To purchase the book, click one of the buttons below.

How to be a Good Girlfriend

How to be a Good Girlfriend

How to be a Good Girlfriend

I received an email from Mary the other day, and her question was how to be a good girlfriend. She and her boyfriend Ben have been together for three years and things are great but her question is a great one so let’s dig in and find the answer!

While it might not seem important to ask about being a good girlfriend or boyfriend when things are going well, the truth is that it’s the perfect time! Don’t allow your relationship to slide into autopilot. That’s when things can quickly decline!

How to be a Good Girlfriend | Like What He Likes

When you share a hobby your boyfriend has, a strange thing happens. He begins to equate his love of his hobby with his love for you. The love deepens.

You don’t need to show an interest in every hobby, just one or two. You don’t even need to be good at it, just learn about it and show you’re intrigued.

I’m really excited about my new RV. It’s my mobile office and is wrapped with one of my best-selling books. I call it the “G-Rex.”

I tinker with the electronics and keep upgrading the lithium power. I installed new tables that I probably don’t need. What does my girlfriend do? She comes out, sits inside, and asks questions.

That excites me! I look forward to her visits and enjoy teaching her how the systems work, and I listen to her input on how we can make it better for when we travel.

This forms a bond between us and we grow together.

Now, are there activities that we do not share together? Of course, and that’s okay too.

How to Be a Good Girlfriend

Learn to Compromise

Man, I wish couples would do more of this. Instead, I see both sides holding their ground like it’s a competition. To be a good girlfriend, learn to compromise from time to time to avoid building contempt and bitterness.

Your guy loves watching football on Sunday. You hate it.  Ask yourself why you hate it, and you’ll find your answer. I realized my girlfriend hated it because she didn’t understand it, so I broke out the laser pointer and explained it to her.

Guess what? Now, she loves it!

Maybe your reasons are different. You have separation anxiety and football Sunday means your guy is over his friend’s house. A reasonable compromise might be to encourage him to have his friends come to your house. Take interest. Learn the sport. Entice him with food!

If it’s still a no-go, he needs to learn compromise.

Pay Attention to How You Act in Public

One great way to be a good girlfriend is to avoid airing your dirty laundry in public.

I know a woman who finds pleasure airing her distain for her husband to her friends while they’re together in public. Really? How do you think he feels when this happens?

This is the fast lane to a breakup. We all have our gripes, but they should be discussed and resolved in private.  Humiliating your guy in front of others or on social media is hurtful and will only lead to contempt.

Learn His Love Language

Gary Chapman gave us all a wonderful gift. Use it! If touch is his love language, then touch him more often. Give him massages out of the blue or grab his hand when you are walking.

This is an easy way to be a great girlfriend he’ll want to stay with!

I see couples who are constantly swimming upstream trying to get along when the answers are right in front of them. Ask yourself the most basic question – what does he like? What does he need? What is his love language?

Instead, women (and men) are fixated on what they need and not their partner. Stop this. Relationships only work when each person understands what the other person needs to feel happy and satisfied and takes steps to fulfill these needs.

How to Be a Good Girlfriend | Stand by Him

This one can get tricky when it comes to family. Uncle Joe might take issue with your boyfriend’s politics. How you react goes a long way towards being a good girlfriend.

I’ll argue that you probably spend a lot more time with your boyfriend than Uncle Joe so it would behoove you to support him while in Uncle Joe’s presence, even if you disagree with said politics.

Supporting him doesn’t mean that you need to always agree with him. Maintaining your own set of values is key to a healthy relationship. It’s when outsiders, even family, attempt to throw a wrench between you that you need to stand up for him.

That makes you a good girlfriend!

Give Him His Space

Let him go golfing. Let him go out with his friends. Too many women lock down their guy.

Why? They don’t trust! They need to be with their guy every free minute!

If you don’t have trust, you’re doomed anyway, so why bother. Let him have some fun away from you. He’ll appreciate you. He’ll be excited to get back to you AND he will have fun stories to tell you.

Learn all about men by reading my international best-seller! Get it HERE

And this applies to you when you go have fun with your friends. Anticipation of seeing each other is a great feeling and adds layers and layers of positivity to your relationship!

How to be a Good Girlfriend Summary

There are so many ways to be a good girlfriend. Sit down and make your own list and have your guy make his how to be a good boyfriend list too. Make a date of it. Then, check things off each other’s list as he or she fulfills them.

You can even add to each other’s list – who better knows how they would like to be treated!

Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you'll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They're added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

To learn more about it, click here. To purchase the book, click one of the buttons below.

What Turns on A Guy? 20 Turn ons That Will Drive Him Nuts

What Turns on A Guy? 20 Turn ons That Will Drive Him Nuts

Ever wonder how some women just seem to turn on any man they’re around? They also seem to have the pick of the litter when it comes to guys.

I’ll bet they exude many of these turn ons for guys.

What Turns on a Guy You’re Trying to Meet?

Giving Him Attention

Looking at a guy and making eye contact is a major turn on. Don’t just look at him. Look at him, smile, and hold the look longer than might seem comfortable.

He’ll look away and look back if he’s interested. You can also look away and look back again. It’s a very powerful move.

Approaching Him
Yep, I said it, walk right up to him and say, ”Hi.” You don’t need any special line, just say hi with a smile, then say, “My friends thought you were cute and made me walk up to you.” Or something fun like that!

Lose the fear of rejection and just do it. No big deal. I’ll argue, a million people who should have met last night didn’t because one of them didn’t have the guts to say hi to other.

Placing a Note in His Hand
Walk by on your way to the lady’s room and place a note in his hand. “I think you’re cute” will work or “Come say hi” does the trick too.

No guy wants to get shot down in front of his buddies, so this move is powerful. It says you’re interested and puts him in a good position in front of his friends.

Keeping Great Posture

Don’t slouch. Ninety percent of all communication is non-verbal, so use it to your advantage. Stand up straight with your shoulders square to him. This tells him that you are confident, interested, and curious.

Squaring your shoulders toward him also sends a signal that he is the most important thing in the room, to you.

Use this body language tip to notice which men may be looking your way with their shoulders squared toward you. He’s interested!

Asking Questions

You know guys love talking about themselves, so ask questions that get to his passions. “So, Jeff, what gets your juices flowing?”

He’ll go on and on and give you all kinds of new info to expand on. Show interest in his passions and he will start to equate you with what he loves.

Getting Him to Pursue You

If a guy doesn’t begin to pursue you, move on to the next guy. But, if you are doing the above, he’ll want to pursue you. Let him. It’s how men work best.

When he texts, delay a little. When he sets a date, show interest but change it to your time and your liking. Be kind and polite.

Learn How to Turn On a Guy Through Text

What’ll happen? He’ll want you even more because he now knows that you’re busy and he’s not yet a priority and now he wants to be.

What turns on a guy sexually


What turns on a guy?

Giving Him a Massage

Man, if I get a massage from a woman, I go nuts! Foot massage, back massage, I don’t care. Touch is very important to guys whose love language is touch.

One key tip: do it without asking for reciprocation. Later, you’ll get your massage too.

Going Commando

When you’re out on a date with that slinky black dress, whisper in his ear and tell him you have nothing but bear skin down there. This will get his mind and other body parts excited!

Say this while you’re at the restaurant when he knows he has to wait until later discover more. The anticipation to get you on the couch will drive him nuts.

Doing Him in The Car

Do him in the car, against the wall, on the counter or on the piano. Anywhere that’s outside the bedroom is a huge turn on for a guy! We also like semi-public places too. My girl and I did it at 30K feet in a plane. We got scolded but we will always remember that awesome turn on.

Watching Porn Together

Porn watched together is a wonderful turn on for both of you. Even a sexy chick flick will get the job done for most men. Wear some sexy lingerie for bonus points.

Masturbating in Front of Him

I’m getting turned on just writing this stuff! You can even start in the bedroom without him. He’ll be joining you in no time.

Sending Him an Audio Recording of You Masturbating

This is better than sexting, in my opinion, and I know guys who would agree. This allows us to use our imaginations about you are doing.

Turn Ons for Guys Long Term


Let’s not just think about meeting and dating a man turn ons, there are key turn ons that guarantee that you keep your man for good.

Keeping an Active Social Life

Never make your guy your hobby like many women do. Instead, keep a social life outside your relationship. This keeps you happy and full of new stories to talk about with him. This also keeps the challenge going and helps you remain a little mysterious.

“Where is she right now and who is she with?” Do this and you will always keep him hooked.

Changing Your Look

When you come home with a brand new haircut, he is going to shake his head in a good way. He’ll wonder what the heck you will do next. Why does this work? Guys fantasize about screwing different women and now you become that different woman.

Changing Your Routine

He thinks you are a Starbucks chick, and you start going to Dunkin Donuts. He thinks you hang with one group of friends and now you have a new bunch of girlfriends. You zig when he zags.

This becomes a turn on because he thinks he has you all figured out. Ask him this after you bring home four shelter cats to babysit for a week!

Giving Him Space

I call this perceived freedom. Allow him to go golfing for the weekend while you do the same with your friends.

Guys like to believe that they can survive without you and they like to show this to their friends. They’re wrong of course, but give him his perceived freedom once in a while.

This keeps him happy. My friend Ted was never allowed to even see his friends once he got married. Can you imagine? They got divorced last year. Give your guy some space.

Laying on Him

Odd huh? I have interviewed many men along my years and they like this one. They love when a woman lies on their back or falls asleep on their lap.

I’m not sure why. I guess we feel like we are protecting our gal from the outside evils – that nothing can come between us.

It just feels good.

Competing with Him

I like this one. Guys love competition so bring it into your relationship. Tell him that you will kick his ass in a sprint or at mini golf.

My girl and I compete when we go grocery shopping. We each have a separate cart and our own list and we see who can get it done and get to the register before the other.

It’s fun and I love it.

Oozing Confidence

If you read any of my international best sellers, you know that confidence comes first, then the man. By keeping your friends, hobbies and passions you grow your confidence.

This allows you to set boundaries that no one can touch – even your man. He knows that if he were to disrespect you, you’d be gone in a NY minute.

This also makes your time valuable. You don’t have time for people in your life who are Debbie downers, including him if he heads in that direction. You’re a team and you work together, not against.

Building Great Memories Together

This might sound obvious as a turn on, but you would be surprised at how many couples stop compiling memories. They start to fight over kids and money instead.

This is why I create date night ideas for couples. You must continue to grow as a couple, or you will be toast. Work together on your bucket list and he will be turned on forever!

Turn Ons for Guys Conclusion

From the very moment you see that cute guy in the corner to your 50th wedding anniversary years later – these are the things that keep your man turned on.

It’s easy to overlook them, if you do, you might start blaming yourself for your relationship failures. Don’t! Keep this list of how to turn a guy on in your head and start following through tonight.

Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you'll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They're added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

To learn more about it, click here. To purchase the book, click one of the buttons below.

12 Love Letters for Him to Let Him Know How You Feel

12 Love Letters for Him to Let Him Know How You Feel

In today’s right now climate, you’re much more inclined to shoot a text to someone or type out an email than to sit down and hand-write love letters for him, and yet, there is nothing more personal than a hand-written note.

Recently, a friend posed a question on Facebook: What is something you treasure most from friends and family? The number one response was a hand-written note or letter. No joke!

Now, I can already hear you from here. You’re saying, “But Gregg, I have no clue what to write in love letters for him. What can I say that won’t sound cheesy or made up?”

I’ve got you covered! Below are twelve (OK maybe fifteen) heart-felt love letters that will melt his heart.

Use them as they are, use them to get some ideas or modify them and put your own spin on them. How you use them is up to you, but they’re guaranteed to work!

Here are a few tips to get started.

Starter Tips for Love Letters for Him

Get Your Set of Printable Love Letters Here

Don’t Apply too Much Pressure

It’s easy to psych yourself out over something like this but don’t. Don’t worry about sounding silly or about being embarrassed over what you write. If it truly comes from your heart, he will know, and he won’t think you’re silly at all.

Don’t Wait for a Reason

Sure, it’s nice to send a hand-written note on a birthday or anniversary, but you don’t need a special occasion to send love letters for him! Remember the last time you went to your mailbox and instead of a bill, you found a card or note from someone? Didn’t it immediately make you feel special?

Take Your Time

Don’t rush the process. Set aside some time when the rest of your life is quiet and begin writing. Remember, you have the letters here, plus the bonus letters, as examples to help you get started.

Once you start writing, be thoughtful and take your time.

Be Yourself

Don’t try to be someone you’re not, regardless of whether it’s in person or in a love letter. Don’t say things you don’t really mean. Give him the genuine article. Something about you attracted him so there’s no reason to start pretending you’re someone else now.

Let Your True Feelings Flow

This is a time to let those true feelings come pouring out. Let him know how you feel. Be spontaneous. This isn’t the time for an outline. Just start writing and let things come out as they will. You may even surprise yourself at what you put on paper.

Love letters for him

Don’t Be so Serious

If you feel like being funny, go for it. If you want the letter to be more romantic or serious, then make it that way. There is no rule on what you can write about. Only you know your relationship and what lies between the two of you. You know best what will appeal to him.

Sometimes, I am asked to speak in online relationship seminars and the host usually provides some email content they want me to send you. Many, no, not many, most of the time, I modify those letters because they don’t align with how I talk to you. Write the letter that fits the circumstance, your mood, or your relationship.

Set Your Mind Fully on Him

Get out that photo of the two of you at the park last summer or the one you took together just before your favorite performer came on stage at a concert.

Next, ask yourself why you want to write to him today. Is he just on your mind and you want to share your thoughts? Is he away and you find yourself missing him? Is there something you want to say? Do you want to make him smile or laugh?

Keep it Short

Just like when you text a man, you want your letter to be short. This doesn’t mean it won’t pack a wallop because it probably will. Just don’t go on and on. Say what you want to say and close the letter.

Make Them Scarce

You don’t need to send him a love letter every week. Make this special by sending them occasionally. Anything done to excess loses its punch and takes the special out of it. Time your love letters for him to arrive when he’s feeling down or when you want to recall something special between you.

Leave a Little of Yourself Behind

After you write your letter, personalize it in some way. Spritz a little of the perfume he loves so much on it or include a photo that has meaning to the letter, or a photo of you. You can also include a few flower petals or something else that will have meaning to him. Each additional effort you put into it makes it that much more special to him.

Love letter to my boyfriend

What Men REALLY Think About Love Letters

I know you think men are big and tough and they don’t want to read sappy love letters, so let me dispel that myth for you right now.

While it’s true that no man wants his buddies to find him wiping away tears after reading a love letter from you, that doesn’t mean he won’t treasure it just the same.

The thing is that when you send a hand-written note, it tells a guy how special he is to you, special enough for you to sit down and take the time to write a note. Even a short love letter for him says, “You’re special to me” in a way nothing else can.

What to Include in Love Letters for Him

The first few sentences can be the most difficult. That’s true of any writing project, I think, to be honest, but once you have the questions above answered, that first sentence or two gets easier. You can say something like, “Tim, I wanted to write to you today just to tell you how much I appreciate the extra time you spent helping me fix up my new house last week. It meant a lot to me that you took time off work to spend a couple days painting and fixing the plumbing under the sink.”

From there, you can transition into something else, like other things he does that you appreciate or how you’re so excited about your upcoming date to go to a concert or football game or whatever.

Don’t be afraid to be a little seductive too. That makes for a good close. Leave him wanting more!

love letter my true feelings

Get Your Set of Printable Love Letters Here

12 Love Letters for Him

The Anniversary Love Letter

My Sweet Love,

I can’t believe another year has gone by so quickly. I feel like we’ve known one another all our lives. Having you in my life has brought the most incredible changes. It almost seems impossible, but I know our love grows deeper and richer with every passing day.

You’re the first person I want to share something great with and my rock when something bad happens. I know you’re there for me, to sweep me into your arms and remind me that everything will be okay.

You are my best friend, and I am so lucky to have you in my life. Not a day goes by that I don’t know that! I can’t imagine any other man who could even come close to being as perfect for me as you are, my love.

I just wanted to make sure you know how special you are to me on this, our anniversary, and I look forward to celebrating many more with you!

With love,

And another anniversary letter…


My Love,

Happy Anniversary to the most wonderful man a woman could ever ask for! I am so grateful to have you in my life and I am so excited for our future. You make me so happy. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars that you’re mine.

Our love story is unique to us and so special to me. Our friends have love stories too, but ours is my favorite because it includes you.

I love you to the moon and back!

Love Always,

Appreciation Love Letters for Him

My Best Friend,

I can’t imagine my life without you. You inspire me every day to be patient, kind and loving because those are some of the best parts of you.

Your focus is on what matters – our relationship.

You work so hard every day to provide a wonderful life for us and yet you still find time for the small things that matter so much, like playing with the kids, walking the dog or just being there to listen.

I appreciate you so much and want to be sure you know it!


And here’s another love letter to show appreciation…

Love of My Life,

I am so grateful to be able to spend my life with you. You’re the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about before I drift off to sleep.

Not only are you the one I love, but you’re my best friend.

I love Netflix binging with you as much as I love exploring a new country or wandering around a new city.

Every day with you is like my wildest dream come true. I love exploring all those hidden nooks and crannies of your life, each new revelation making me fall more in love with you.

Thank you for being my best friend, my confidant, and my knight in shining armor!


how to write a letter love

Love Letters to Reminisce

Dear ,

I smile every time I remember our first date. I saw you first from a distance and your smile and sparkling blue eyes stole my breath away. It made me instantly fearful that I would freeze up when it was time to say “Hello,” but you made me feel so comfortable and instantly I knew you were special.

That day lives on in my mind as the years tick by and I wonder how it’s possible to still be so much in love with you. You’re always there to make me smile when I’m feeling a little down or to share the joys of our life together.

I can’t imagine a day without you and I treasure each memory we have made together so far. I look forward to making many more as we continue our journey together,

With all my heart,

And there’s this one…

My Love,

We have been through so much together, and whether good or bad, those memories have a special place in my heart.

Being with you makes my day brighter. Every day is an adventure with you, and I still feel a flutter in my stomach when I see you walk into the room.

It reminds me of the first time we met. I was so nervous, but you stole my breath and calmed my nervousness with your calm demeanor and gorgeous smile.

Those many things we’ve done together over the years like hiking in the Smokeys and going white water rafting are special to me and I look forward to a lifetime of exploring and taking risks together.

Thank you for being my best friend,


Dear ,

Today I looked back on the 5 years we have been together. And I thought how lucky I was to have you in my life. It’s funny, I feel the same butterflies when I see you as I did on our first date.
Let’s keep having those first dates!


Declaration of Love Letters for Him

[His Name],

I love you so completely that it scares me a little sometimes. Thoughts of you are in my heart every waking and sleeping moment of my life. You’re like a constant ray of light, brightening my day with your beautiful smile and generous heart.

I love you more than I did yesterday and I know I will love you more tomorrow than I do now. It’s difficult to put into words how I feel when I see you. I adore you and feel so fortunate to be the woman in your life.

My love for you knows no boundaries. My heart beats wildly at the thought of spending time with you.

I’m so proud to be with you and to call you mine.

Love you forever,

And another letter to let him know how much you love him…

My Dear,

If we had never met, I wouldn’t know the meaning of true, unconditional love. Being able to call you the love of my life is like a dream come true for me. I never knew how breathtaking love could be until I met you.

You’re like the sun, shining brightly, even on the cloudiest of days. You lift my spirits and carry my fears away, replacing them with wonderful hopes and dreams of the wonderful years that lie before us.

Love letter to my husband

Love Letters for Him

To My Sweet Love,

Lately, I’ve been stressed. I asked myself what is the best solution to calm myself and you know what the answer was?
Frankly, I had forgotten about this method, maybe even overlooked this option. But no more. YOU are what makes me calm. You are what makes me happy. And you are my key to eliminating stress from now on. Never change my darling.


And this one…

Love of My Life,

A smile came over me today. Memories started jumping into my head – exceptional memories that I will never forget. Like apple picking at Stromberg’s Farm when I spilled wine all over you and our picnic blanket, and how you laughed when others would be angry.
The roller coaster ride at Old Orchard Beach. We were the only adults on the kiddie ride. I laughed and laughed as you held my hand and screamed while you raised your hands.
The surfing lessons we took together in Aruba. We both sucked so bad we almost drowned. But we didn’t. And then we laughed, started drinking, and toasted that we would never surf again!
Can’t wait to see you tomorrow and every day after.

With All My Love,

And another…

Dear ,

This morning I looked at our son. The son we created together. I was so proud. He asked me what was wrong as tears filled up my eyes.
I told him nothing…absolutely nothing.

Thank you being you,

A Love Letter for Him After You Fight


I want you to know that our argument last night was not in vain. I learned about you and you about me. I now understand how you feel about the situation, and I will now do things differently going forward.
We won’t need to argue about this subject ever again! I feel even closer to you now.

Love you dearly…

Love letter to him

When He’s Feeling Insecure


I want you to know that getting laid off, in my opinion, was a good thing. You are so much better than that job and you were not happy. I’m looking forward to seeing what your next move will be! You are awesome and I will be by your side to support you in your time off or your pursuit of your next career.

With All My Heart,

When You’re Apart

My love,

I know it’s lonely where you are. I am lonely being at home without you. It’s okay because I simply check off the days until you’ll be home. Each checkmark makes me more excited. I have made some plans that I know you will love! Wanna know what they are? You will be receiving a box soon that will reveal our plans when you get home.

Until then,

When He’s Feeling Jealous

My Sweet Love,

I realize my profession has me working with many different men. I want you to know that no man compares to you! They are all a bunch of little boys, and you are my man and my rock. Please, never question my love for you as you are my one and only!

Truly Yours,

That’s a Wrap

When you write short love letters, or even longer ones, you’re sending more than the physical letter. You’re telling the person receiving the letter that they’re special enough for you to take the time to do something few people do today – to hand-write a letter.

Love letter writing isn’t a twentieth century thing, it goes way back in history and many famous people penned love letters.

While we have other, more immediate ways of communicating with our loved ones, nothing beats a hand-written love letter!

Stop Questioning Yourself and Start Following Your Woman’s Intuition

Stop Questioning Yourself and Start Following Your Woman’s Intuition

There’s a strong force within you that cannot be explained.

There’s no pie chart, scientific proof or college course to describe this power.

It’s the opposite of logic.

You were born with it and it cannot be sold.

It is dead-on accurate.

What is it?

woman's intuition

It’s a woman’s intuition!

How many times have you had that feeling in your gut that you didn’t listen to?

That voice pushing you to dump the guy, quit your job or move to Paris?

But you didn’t listen to her because it was just a sudden urge and “a sudden urge” shouldn’t be trusted without further exploration.

But that further exploration never comes because you’ve already decided it was just a crazy thought.

And the urge passes…again.

Two years later, you find out that your boyfriend was cheating all along.

Five years later, the job you knew was a dead end no longer exists – the company shuttered its doors.

You should have trusted your woman’s intuition!

I’m Gregg, a man who knows a lot more about your intuition than you do. Yes, I do!

How? Because I know how men think. And I realize that nine times out of ten, had you gone with your woman’s intuition, you would have solved your problem.

And if that’s the case with men, doesn’t it make sense that your woman’s intution might be spot on with other parts of your life? Your career? Who you hangout with? That trip that you said no to?

I get loads emails every day from women like you and I immediately recognize that they’re upset about something because they didn’t trust their woman’s intuition…again.

They blame themselves over and over for failed relationships.

And when I ask them what they feel inside – they come up with the right answer, the answer I know to be true almost every time!

woman's intuition

It’s amazing!

And yet, they don’t use the most powerful tool they possess, why?

Because if your confidence is low, you don’t trust yourself to have good thoughts. You might not think you deserve a job better than the one you have. You might mistakenly think you deserve a guy who treats you like crap.

Sometimes it happens because we pretend to be someone we aren’t. We make decisions to make other people happy. Sometimes we make poor decisions that go against our true urges for reasons we do not even understand.

A Woman’s Intuition Conclusion

Maybe you didn’t follow your interior decorating career because your folks pushed you towards the family dry cleaning business. 

I’m here to say that it’s not to late to alter your course. You don’t always need to be rational. You don’t need some extra analysis to confirm what you believe to be true. Your urges are very much rational and valid – they do not need confirmation.

Your urges of intuition are all you need because this is the true you screaming, internally, to stop what you are doing, listen and change course!

If you do, I bet you will be a happier person.

How's your confidence these days? More specifically, how's your dating confidence? The answer to both is easy. They're probably lower than you'd like. Confidence is sexy. It draws great men like bees to a honey pot. The bonus is that the players also sense your confidence and they steer clear of you. Double bonus!

But how does a woman rebuild her confidence? That's easy! Start with this best-seller, Comfortable in Your Own Shoes. It's the definitive confidence-building book written just for women like you. Women who need to rebuild their confidence after one life event after another have left you feeling a little down. This book will walk you through the easy but methodial steps of regaining your swagger and confidence! Great men will be falling all over themselves to date you. Read more about the book here or click one of the buttons below to buy the book now.

How to Save a Long-Distance Relationship from Falling Apart

How to Save a Long-Distance Relationship from Falling Apart

In today’s dating environment, full of websites and apps that can connect people who live anywhere from next door to thousands of miles apart, the idea of a long-distance relationship isn’t that far-fetched and yet it can be challenging if you don’t have the proper tools in hand. Learn how to save a long-distance relationship from falling apart.


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What is a Long-Distance Relationship?

I suppose before we start talking about how to have a successful long-distance relationship (LDR), we should get on the same page about what one is.

A long-distance relationship is most often defined as a relationship between two people who live more than 125 miles apart. This means your man probably lives a little more than a two-hour drive from you, at the very least.

Your distance could be temporary, such as when one or both of you are in the military and are away for a while, or even if one or both of you are in college in different cities. It could also have a more permanent feel.

This might come into play if you met online and you both have lives that include jobs, family and friends in separate cities.

Regardless of why there is distance between you, the fact remains that it’s there.  How can you manage the situation if you can’t be with the one you love?

The “We Met Online” LDR

If you met someone online and he lives far away from you, the first consideration you need to make is whether you’re willing to engage in this type of relationship. Deciding to include someone in your life, long-distance or not, is a big decision.

Since you have never met this person before, this type of decision should be delayed until you’ve spent some time together. You may meet in person and discover that all the attraction is gone. The spark you felt online just isn’t there in person.

This happens more often than you can imagine. There are things you can do, before you meet, to avoid this, however sometimes, there’s no avoiding it. The trick is to acknowledge it and move on, rather than cling to something that isn’t working just because you feel disappointed.

The “We Moved Apart” LDR

In some cases, you may originally have lived near one another, but something causes one or both of you to relocate. This happens when someone graduates from college or advanced study, when one person gets a new job, or when someone is deployed as part of their military duty.

In this instance, you should engage in an honest discussion about how you feel. Putting this much distance between you can put a strain on an already strained relationship, or it can add a layer of mystery to a relationship that’s thriving.

There is no right or wrong answer that anyone other than the two of you can come up with.

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how to save a long-distance relationship from falling apart

Starting from Ground Zero | How to Save a Long-Distance Relationship from Falling Apart

If your long-distance relationship began online, meaning you met him online before you met him in person, there are some things you need to know about making sure your first meeting has the best possible outcome.

Sure, as I mentioned above, there is still a chance that your first meeting might fall flat, but let’s see if you can’t take some steps to avoid making that happen first.

Don’t Overshare

The easiest thing to do when you meet someone online, whether there’s distance between you or not, is to overshare.

It goes something like this…

Hey Ashley!

I’m so glad you replied to my first message! I really loved how you included your dog, Arthur, in some of your photos! I’m a dog person too and he looks like he’s a great companion.

Do you have other pets? How long have you had him?

I don’t currently have any pets, but I’d love to get either a dog or a cat soon. I think having a pet helps to keep things entertaining.

What type of career do you have? Do you have a degree? What’s it in?

I’m an engineer right now, but I’d like to move into more of a management role. I’m kind of bored just looking at drawings all day long so I’m taking some classes to help me get the promotion.

Does your family live close? I live about two hours away from my family. They actually live closer to you than to me. They’re about an hour from you I guess. I’d love to be closer to my family some day. Are you close to your family?

…and it goes on and on with him sharing small pieces of his life and asking questions.

While this type of email seems exciting, it’s a HUGE red flag waving right in your face. Not because he seems like a schmuck. He actually seems like a decent guy. He told you what he liked about your profile pictures. He seems to be gainfully employed and he’s looking for a promotion. All signs of a great guy.

BUT, he’s asked way too many questions for a first email. How do you manage this without coming off looking as if you have something to hide?

Perhaps something like this…

Hey Jeff,

Thanks for noticing Arthur. He’s very special to me and a huge part of my life for sure! And yes, I agree that pets can be very entertaining. Just last week, he got himself wedged behind the TV stand because his ball had rolled back there.

You sure are an inquisitive type, aren’t you? 

If you don’t mind, I’d like to share pieces of myself with you a little slower. I think it’s important for us to save some things for when we meet for the first time, don’t you? I’m excited to find out more about you too, but I can wait for the real deal!

As a reward for your nice comment about Arthur, I’ll give you one answer. I have one other pet, if you can call him that. It’s my pet Beta fish, Stan. He’s more of a blue color and mostly he’s a lot quieter than Arthur.

When you get a chance, how about you write me and tell me about the pet you’d like to get. I’d love to hear more.


In this reply, you acknowledged the good things he said, and you playfully told him he’d been a little too inquisitive. There’s no need to be mean and the smile emoji helps him know you’re just poking a little fun in his direction.

When you’re communicating through a typed format, it’s easy to misunderstand the words. Be careful of this when you read his replies to your messages and try to make sure that if you’re being playful, you let him know in some way.

If Something Feels Off, It Probably Is

Your gut doesn’t fail you. If something about the person you’re chatting with feels off, block him. Check out the experience Katy had recently.

Katy met Bill online and he seemed like a great guy. He claimed to have kids that were around the same age as Katy’s and, after she pressed him hard enough, he provided photos of three kids. After a few emails, Bill said he was heading out of the country and he’d have limited access to email for a few days.

Katy didn’t mind, but then, things started to smell pretty fishy! Bill sent her an urgent email. He had been in a cab and claimed his wallet and briefcase were stolen. He was out of cash and needed her to wire him $100 so he could get by for a day or so.

Katy immediately smelled a rat and blocked Bill from everything. If he was indeed in trouble, he needed to go to closer friends and family before he tried a stranger. She suspected it was all a game, so she didn’t feel an ounce of guilt.

This story is all too common, unfortunately, and people keep doing it because it works. They latch onto someone with low confidence or someone who believes the best of everyone and the next thing you know, they’re schmoozing them out of their bank account.

NEVER give someone access to your bank account or send them money until you’ve met them in person and have spent enough time with them to know they’re not out to rob you blind. Don’t be afraid to look them up on social media. Ask to meet their friends. Look up the photos they send you on those fake image apps. Be sure before you put yourself in danger.

If He Seems Too Good to be True, He Probably Is

Have you ever met someone and thought to yourself, “He seems too good to be true” but you marched on anyway, only to find out later that Mr. Goodguy turned out to be a loser of the highest order?

When your dating confidence is low, usually due to some negative dating experiences or awful things people have told you in your past, you’ll fall for any line and you’ll easily overlook Mr. Goodguy’s obvious flaws, all because he likes you, or so he says.

Before you go out looking for your next guy, if you don’t currently have one, be very careful of the guy who seems too good to be true. He listens well. He does all the things you think you want a guy to do, but in the end, he’s a true player or loser.

I know a new relationship can be exciting and a guy who seems to be perfect can feel like a huge relief. Finally, a guy who listens.

It’s the same rule that applies in all other areas of your life. If it/he seems to be too good to be true, he probably is.

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how to save a long-distance relationship from falling apart

Don’t Date with Marriage in Mind

What I mean by this is don’t go on a first date, feel all the endorphins of a chemical attraction and go out to buy a Bride’s magazine after.

This can be especially challenging in a long-distance relationship. You only get to see one another every few weeks, most likely, and each meeting can stir those endorphins all over again. There’s a chemical attraction between you.

Still, it’s important to give a new relationship time to blossom. A chemical attraction doesn’t automatically mean you’ll fall in love and get married. Think back to other relationships that started with tons of heat. Where are those guys now?

I’m not trying to be mean. I’m trying to make sure you date with your head instead of your heart. When you’re first dating someone, you shouldn’t plan to be monogamous, nor should you expect him to be. Date other guys until you feel that one relationship that clicks, not just with chemistry, but with other areas of attraction as well.

Too often, when confidence is low (for either the guy or the woman), they immediately start thinking long-term. This is really an attempt to shore up their own confidence. If this person will make long-term plans with me, I must be worthy of this relationship.

Date a guy to learn more about him. Do different things together. Go different places. Plan different types of dates. If you’ve met a guy online and you go to visit him, don’t stay at his place. Stay somewhere else. There is no reason to expect to sleep together on your first few visits.

Dating is about seeing if you fit. Being engaged is about planning a wedding. Date to find a good fit.

Meet Him in Public

It should go without saying that if you meet someone online, your first few meetings should be in public. Don’t go visit some guy who lives two hours away and go to his home. Meet him in a restaurant, bowling alley, movie theater or wherever, but don’t meet him at his home and don’t invite him to yours.

This should be the case for your first several dates. Do what you can to check him out. Become friends with him on social media. Stalk him a little to see what he’s up to and what type of friends he seems to have.

If you have any suspicions, dig a little deeper. It’s not a bad thing to do a background check on someone if you have doubts.

Your safety should be your biggest concern when you’re meeting someone new. Don’t go into it blindly because he seems like a nice guy online.

Take Things Slowly

Our instinct with new relationships is to move quickly. In a long-distance relationship, you’re not able to see one another as often as if you lived in the same town. You might not see one another for two weeks or even a month. Then, when you do get together, it might not be for very long. You shouldn’t plan to spend every waking moment together, just because you’re in the same town.

But the brakes on and take your time. If he’s really the one, you have all the time in the world. If he’s putting on the full-court press to get you into his bed, take another step back. This might be all he wants from you, regardless of how far away you live.

Sleeping with a guy too soon screams of low confidence and him begging or, heaven forbid, demanding that you sleep with him too soon says he’s a player or a loser whose confidence is low, and he just wants a notch on his bedpost. He doesn’t care any deeper than that.

As I said in the last section, plan very public and different dates. This is how you learn about someone, how you build memories and intimacy together, and how you find out if you’re a good fit. When you go to visit, don’t arrive in the evening, arrive around lunchtime and plan a lunchtime date. Plan to spend the remainder of your day doing something else, or if you live close enough, return home.

Daytime dates have a lower chance of sex. A great guy who’s into you will agree to daytime dates because he just wants to spend time with you. A player wants a nighttime date, in a bar or somewhere he can fill you with alcohol to lower your inhibitions.

You’re in control. After you’ve seen one another several times and you’ve dug into him a little online, you can start planning more romantic outings.

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What to do if You Can’t Be with The One You Love

Sometimes, situations force you to move apart. Maybe a great job offer comes along for one of you and it’s too good to pass up. One must stay behind because of kids, jobs, property or a host of other reasons. Military deployment also forces couples apart and usually with some fear, depending on where the deployment is. In other circumstances, you may move apart due to college or family obligations.

Regardless of the reason, there are some things you should do before the distance comes between you.

Before any decisions are made, you should engage in at least one honest discussion about how you both feel. One of you may be very excited about a new opportunity, while the other may be apprehensive.

Talk about the distance. How often can you meet, if at all? In military deployments, this is most likely not an option. Click here for some great tips on managing your relationship during a military deployment.

Determine if you can stand to be apart for that long with just Facetime or Zoom chats? Of course, if you’re getting into a relationship with someone in the military, you should make these considerations before you get too deeply involved.

Talk also about how long you’ll remain distant. Can the person who isn’t relocating relocate eventually? Is this a temporary displacement for the person who’s moving? Set a plan for when you’ll be reunited in the same city.

Also set expectations. You’re going to want to talk to him more often than he will want to talk to you. This is just because men aren’t talkers most of the time, like women tend to be. Decide whether you’ll talk every evening, every other day, or whatever. You can even go so far as to set a timeframe. That way, you can both make sure your schedules are clear during those times.

When you set expectations, discuss how often you’ll visit one another. If where you live is home base for him, meaning he has family and friends there, he may want to come visit you most of the time so he can see others as well. It will also be nice, though, to go visit him and get away from friends and family. Decide now what your visit cadence will be. These are all smart steps to take when you can’t be with the one you love.

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Top 5 Tips on Having a Successful LDR

Exercise Patience

Remember, you’re not the only one who’s being inconvenienced. If where he lives is not his home base, he may really find himself missing his friends and family. He may feel isolated in his new location, especially if he doesn’t really know anyone there yet.

When men are struggling with emotions, they tend to retreat. If you feel he’s doing this, it probably doesn’t have anything to do with you and your relationship, so don’t take it personally. Let him crawl inside and lick his wounds. He’ll be back.

After a couple weeks there, he’ll begin to make new friends and he’ll start to feel better. Meanwhile, be patient. If you talk during your pre-arranged time and he seems to want to end the conversation earlier than normal, just say good night and let him be. Don’t make an issue out of it. He will appreciate your patience and he may even share with you what he’s feeling if he trusts you with his vulnerabilities.

Continue Living Your “Regular” Life

Just because you’re now separated by distance, it doesn’t mean you should stop living. This is the time to step up your game. Continue to enjoy girls’ night with your friends or start having girls’ night with your friends.

Pick up an old hobby or start a new one. Get busy doing something to occupy your time. This will help you continue to build your interesting story it will add a layer of mystery to your relationship, especially when you share with him that you just finished a class on how to cook his favorite Asian dish or how to make candles or whatever.

It will also keep you from sitting alone, missing him and wallowing.

At the same time, allow him to find a new life where he is. Let him find new friends and explore new hobbies. Then, when you go visit, you have people to hang out with and things to do together.

If you’re the one who’s relocating, don’t just sit in a lonely apartment wishing you were back home. Explore your new city. Join Meetup groups that focus on things of interest to you. Meet new people. Form new friendships. Even if you’re there temporarily, everyone can use new friends. Join a workout club. Pursue a hobby. Do something, anything, to keep yourself busy and growing.

Practice Radio Silence Throughout the Day

I recommend this for all couples, whether they live together or apart. Don’t text all day with mundane messages about your day.

“Oh geeze, Stan just came into my office wanting me to do an emergency project for him…again!”

“I miss you so much! I can’t wait to see you later.”

“Hey babe, let’s have Italian for dinner this weekend. I’ve got a real craving for lasagna.”

Text him in the morning with a “Good morning. Hope you have a great day” text and then let it go until you speak that evening. This gives you something to talk about and also keeps you from getting aggravated when he can’t respond right away, or vice versa.

Respect the Reason for Your Distance

There is a reason why the two of you live apart right now. Whether that’s because you met online and haven’t committed yet to a relationship or a job or deployment has caused you to separate for a while.

Regardless, there is a reason why there is currently this distance between you. Respect that reason and don’t try to force changes in the situation before it’s time.

You’ll have days when you think you’d be better off to quit your job or drop out of school and join your partner. Resist that urge. If you’ve just met, the time will come when you can plan to be together, if it’s meant to be.

If you had a relationship before the distance entered the equation, there’s a reason you both felt was valid enough to cause the separation. Respect it. Understand that neither of you wants to be apart, but this is the truth of your situation at this time.

Instead of hating the reason for separating you, be grateful for it. This separation has caused you to challenge your relationship in new ways. You’ll have to get and be creative to find ways to spend time together.

When you’re apart from one another, focus on the areas of your life that don’t specifically include your partner, like your job, friends, hobbies or family commitments. Then, when you’re together, you can dedicate your time to one another.

Be Supportive of One Another

One of the best ways to shore up your long-distance relationship is to be supportive of each other during your separation.

This means encouraging him to find new friends and then being agreeable to meeting them when you visit. It means being supportive when he’s having a rough day, even though it’s by phone or text.

It means sharing things with him about your adventures and encouraging him to have adventures too. If he picks up a new interest that means you have to reschedule your regular chat time once or twice a week, tell him it’s okay and encourage him to participate.

The best thing you can do for one another is to continue to be supportive. If he were living in the same town and wanted to join a rec basketball league, you probably wouldn’t hesitate to say yes, even if it forces you to change which night is date night for a couple months.

Be that same supportive wife or girlfriend now. This will help him feel more supportive of you as well. This type of supportive attitude breeds more supportive attitude and it blossoms into a wonderfully successful LDR.

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Long distance relationship date night ideas

Long-Distance Relationship Date Night Ideas

I’ve already tossed a few date night ideas out there, but there are so many more. It isn’t really important what you do on a date night. It’s more important that you plan them at regular intervals, especially during your time apart.

Prepare a Meal Together

If the two of you enjoy cooking together, why not prepare a meal together when you’re apart? You can either give him his own grocery list and send him shopping or have the ingredients delivered to him by a local store. Then, make sure he has all the recipes he needs and plan a time to start cooking.

If you really want to make it meaningful, you can also send him candles and a tablecloth to match the one you’ll be using. Send him a bottle of wine and make sure he has a wine glass like yours. The more “together” you feel, the more special this date will be.

Use a video chat app like Facetime, Skype or Zoom to share this time together. You can even have music playing in the background.

Plan a Stargazing Date

This one might take a little more planning, since stars aren’t always out, but try to choose a day in the near future when you’ll both have clear skies. Make sure to have your favorite warm or cold beverage, depending on the weather, and a nice place to sit and look at the beautiful night sky.

Share with one another what you see and the atmosphere around you. What do you see? What do you hear? Is it chilly? You can even get a book that helps you see the different constellations, so you’ll really know what you’re seeing.

This type of date is more about spending quality time together than it is about the other things, like what you see, but being able to describe the intricacies of your environment helps you feel as if you’re a part of one another’s space.

Play Board Games

Yes, you can do this long-distance. All you need to do is make sure you both have the same games. You each end up moving both your own pieces and your partner’s pieces so your game boards look the same, but otherwise, you play just like you would if you were together.

The possibilities are endless on what games you can play. My family plays cut-throat Monopoly, but I know a couple who loved to play backgammon together. Some people prefer games like Scrabble or Yahtzee. It doesn’t matter what you play. The important thing is to spend that time together doing something fun.

Heck, you could even do something like Wii bowling or another video game activity. Some even offer the ability to play with others online, so if video games are your jam, this can be a great date night idea.

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Is He Cheating on You?

First of all, if you’re constantly worried about this, chances are you need to shore up your confidence a bit. You’re not so much jealous as you are lacking confidence in your ability or deservedness to be loved.

However, if something happens to cause you to think he might be cheating and this isn’t a feeling you have frequently, it’s worth investigating. Here are a few signs that he might be cheating in your long-distance relationship.

I should also say again, however, that if your relationship is new, dating other people is okay and this isn’t an issue for you. He isn’t cheating. He’s trying on different women to see who fits and you should be doing the same with other men.

But, if your relationship is older, here are some signs to look for.

Cheating Isn’t More Common in LDR’s

Let’s begin by stating that just because the two of you live apart doesn’t mean there is a greater risk of cheating.

Cheating relates more to the status of your relationship, regardless of where you both live, than it does about the distance between you. If someone is going to cheat, the distance won’t matter.

What Constitutes Cheating?

Ultimately, this is between the two of you, but generally speaking, cheating is more about whether or not a layer of secrecy and intimacy with someone else develops. Someone’s expectations about the relationship were violated.

What truly matters when it comes to cheating is what matters to both of you. Generally speaking, people consider it cheating if there is a sharing of emotions, feelings, thoughts or bodily fluids with someone other than their partner.

Things you feel should be exclusive between you. Again, this is in a committed relationship and not a new one.

When you set expectations for your relationship, after you establish that you have one, clear those things up. In a committed relationship, you should feel comfortable sharing your feelings and vulnerabilities with one another. This comes with trial and error. You share something small and test the waters. He’ll do the same. Then, when you feel comfortable, you’ll share something bigger.

Those things build intimacy and it’s when intimacy is shared with someone else that cheating most often can be defined. If he’s hanging out with a group from work that happens to include women, he probably isn’t cheating. If, however, he starts spending time with one of those women on a regular basis and things seem to be close between them, it might be time to ask a few questions.

Be sure to have open communication, after you’re in a committed relationship, about what you each consider to be cheating and then be careful not to cross those lines.

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how to save a long-distance relationship from falling apart

Subtle Signs of Possible Cheating

His Behavior or Patterns Change

Be mindful of changes in his patterns or behavior. If he always sent you a “Good Morning” text, but now those have dropped off, you have a warning sign. This doesn’t mean he is cheating, but it’s one sign that something might be up. It could also be that he’s been working late and his mornings are busier because he’s not able to get up and moving as fast.

Other signs of behavior or pattern changes include:

  • Not sharing as much about his day-to-day life
  • Not talking about your future together any more
  • A reduced call/text/email schedule from your usual agreed upon schedule
  • Not coming to visit as often
  • Less interest in sex, whether in person or apart
  • Less frequency or a compete drop-off in “I love you”, if you’ve said that already

He’s Too Busy for You

In a long-distance relationship, your time together is the reward for suffering the time apart, however, if he seems to be squeezing you into his life or he starts changing your visits to be less often, something might be amok.

His “busy-ness” might also happen throughout the week, when you’d normally be having a date night or chatting on the phone. If you feel as if you’ve become a much lower priority in his life, chances are someone else may have risen to the top.

Again, this is less true in a new relationship where dating others is still expected.

His Communication Drops Off—A LOT

Sure, there may come a day or two when he can’t chat with you at your predetermined time, but if, all of a sudden, his unavailability becomes more frequent, there could be someone else he’s spending his time with.

Make sure there isn’t a valid reason, like a work project or family emergency that’s keeping him away before you jump to conclusions, but this is definitely something to note.

Another way this may show is if he stops answering your calls. Not being able to chat during normal working hours is one thing, but if you know he’s not at rec league basketball and you were scheduled to chat, he should be picking up your calls. One time doesn’t make him a cheater, but repeatedly ignoring your calls might.

Things Feel Rushed When You Call

When he calls, he seems relaxed and ready to chat with you, but when you call, he can’t get you off the phone fast enough.

This should give you a reason to consider cheating. Why does he want you off the phone so fast when you call? Perhaps because he either has someone with him or he’s expecting someone to show up soon.

When he calls you, he has control over his availability. He can call you when he knows he won’t be busy with someone else.

Like the other signals, one instance of this isn’t a reason to worry, but repeated instances is.

All Your Calls are When He’s in Transit

He calls you on his way to work or on his way home. He calls you when he’s at work or on his way home from the grocery store. He never calls you any more from his home.

This could be because someone else is there and he can’t talk. If you’ve just met a guy online and he’s pulling this, he may already be married. If you had a relationship prior to the separation, you need to consider that there’s someone else cleaning his shower.

He Doesn’t Socially “Share” You

A guy who’s in a committed relationship is happy to share her with his friends. He won’t be wary of posting pictures of the two of you together. He’ll accept that “In a Relationship” Facebook status.

He will invite you to hang out with him and his friends when you’re together.

A guy who won’t share that he’s in a relationship with you is a guy who has something to hide, or a guy who isn’t as serious as you are about the relationship. If it feels like he’s hiding you, chances are he’s hiding something else too.

He Suddenly has an Entirely New Group of Friends

It’s fine to make friends at work or even as a result of joining a team or a Meetup group, but if he suddenly gains a collection of new friends outside of those circumstances, chances are they came with a new woman. They’re her friends.

Taylor and Brad had been together for a couple years. They’d even recently bought a house together, but suddenly, Taylor started noticing that Brad was bringing around a new group of friends. Sure, he’d just started a new job, but these weren’t friends from work, and he grew up in a different city, so they weren’t childhood friends either.

Still, Taylor didn’t think a lot of it until one day when she saw a text come through on Brad’s iPad. She didn’t work until later and he was already at work. The text was from one of the women in the group, and there was no doubt that Brad and this woman were more than casual friends.

That was the end for Taylor and Brad. She left that day, they sold their house together and both moved on. Looking back, it really got to Taylor that this woman had visited their home together several times, as “one of the gang.” This was what hurt her the most.

His Stories Don’t Align

When you start lying to someone, it gets challenging to keep your story straight. He may have told you last week that his new softball team practiced on Monday nights, so he couldn’t chat with you then. Now, he can’t chat on Tuesday and he claims that’s practice night.

He might tell you he was hanging out with friends last Saturday but then when you ask how it went, he draws a blank until the memory of his lie pops back and he’s able to recover.

Watch for these inconsistencies. Liars add lots of details to make their story seem plausible, but they often can’t recall all those details later. This doesn’t mean you start acting like a game show host, quizzing him about the details. Just be aware of a pattern of inconsistencies.

He Overreacts

If you sense inconsistencies or that something is wrong and you ask about it, he might overreact if he’s cheating.

This can be out of guilt or his own inability to handle conflict. He may even turn the situation on you. “You’re always so suspicious” or “You overreact to everything I say” or whatever.

When you have a good relationship and you raise a concern, his first reaction shouldn’t be an overreaction, accusations or paranoia. In a solid relationship, he will hear your concerns and reply with something in a way which shows his compassion and concern for your feelings.

What to Do If You’re Suspicious

First of all, all of the signs mentioned above can be explained in other ways besides cheating. It’s important that you don’t jump to the wrong conclusions too fast.

Instead, you need to facilitate a conversation that is as open and honest as it can be, without getting defensive or turning into a shouting match.

Ask him about his work – have things been busier than normal? Is this why he hasn’t called as often? Be patient and unaccusatory. Ask questions that probe without being downright negative.

It may be that if he’s cheating, he will feel greatly relieved to tell you and get it off his chest. At that point, you can decide what your next steps are. If he’s cheating and you can’t accept him back, that’s completely reasonable. Take the steps you need to dissolve your relationship including shipping his stuff to him and getting your own stuff back.

If he denies cheating but you still suspect, you’ll have to do some detective work on your own to uncover the truth.

I have two alternative solutions.

The first is to try to get him back. For that, you should read my best-seller, How to Get Your Ex Back Fast.

The second is to let him go and work through the loss in a healthy way. To do this, you should read another best-seller I wrote called He’s Gone, Now What?

To be honest, you should read He’s Gone, Now What in either instance as it helps you work through the emotions of a breakup, regardless of who initiated it or what caused it. How to Get Your Ex Back Fast will help you deploy powerful tactics that will have him begging you to be his girlfriend again.

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how to save a long distance relationship from falling apart

What to do if You Can’t Be with the One You Love – Wrap Up

With today’s technology, there are many ways in which you can make a long-distance relationship work. Of course, there are pitfalls to any relationship, but if you go into a long-distance relationship with a set of reasonable expectations that you work on together, it should be smooth sailing.

Of course, like any relationship it takes time to allow it to grow and become the relationship you both dream of, but if it’s built on solid ground, this won’t be a problem.

If you’re willing to put the time and energy into this relationship, just as you would with a relationship in which you live closer together, you can learn how to save a long distance realationship from falling apart.

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