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Long Distance Relationships Can Work

Build a Great Relationship, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Long distance relationships can work, contrary to what many people believe. Of course they have their challenges, but so do traditional relationships. Proximity in terms of miles is not a precursor for relationship success or failure.

Back in the day, long-distance relationships (LDRs) were more challenging because there was no Internet, no Facetime, no Zoom. There was no easy and inexpensive way to communicate with your loved one.

If you wanted to call, you needed to be prepared to pay the long-distance phone bill that would result. Today, you can call anywhere in the world without it costing more than your monthly phone bill.

We’ve come a long way, baby.

Not only that, but the possibility of meeting great people has opened up with the dozens, if not hundreds of online dating services that are available now. You can meet anyone in the world.

So what challenges are unique to long-distance relationships? Is it true that long-distance relationships can work, or are they destined for failure based on distance alone? How can you ensure that your LDR will withstand the test of distance?

Summary: There are challenges to any relationship, but the challenges to today’s long-distance relationship are different from those twenty years ago. Today, instead of struggling to pay just to communicate, couples must balance busier than ever work schedules, the expense of travel, unrealistic expectations, and building intimacy from a distance. However, when you go into an LDR viewing it as a challenge from the start, are you creating a bigger problem or being realistic?

What are the Challenges of an LDR?

Long Distance Relationships Can Work With the Right Expectations

When you’re able to see and chat with someone on the daily, you share all of the most mundane aspects of your life, as well as the big stuff. It all gets lumped into the daily conversation.

How are you today, babe?

Oh, I’m ok. I have a bit of a headache but I’m sure it’ll go away.

Great. Are we still on for dinner at The Pub later?

Sure! I’m in. Can’t wait!!

But when you only see your partner once a month, you don’t want to waste time on the mundane. Your expectation may be that when you arrive at his condo, he’ll have candles flitting in the dimly lit room, a romantic dinner, and a magical evening planned.

Still, when you arrive, he’s just gotten home himself from a long day at work. He hasn’t even thought about dinner, let alone had time to go to those lengths. He’s exhausted from a long week of work, and you’re exhausted from work, then travel.

All the two of you want to do is flop on the sofa with some Chinese takeout and a Netflix binge. The weekend flies by and before you know it, you’re back home in your own condo, wondering where the magic was.

The truth is that even though your relationship is long-distance, life still marches on to its regular beat. You both still have chores and things to do on those weekends when you’re hosting your significant other. While a magical evening sounds great, it isn’t always practical.

Jealousy and Infidelity

When you’re in an LDR, it’s so easy to allow your imagination to run wild when you’re apart, and even when you’re together.

You’ve come to town for a visit, and he wants to take you to this great new little hole-in-the-wall place he’s discovered, so you go.

Immediately, your jealousy hackles rise up as the hostess is very very friendly towards your beau.

Hey Gregg, it’s so great to see you again. Same table? It’s available.

WTHeck is going on??? She knows his first name? He has a table?

Now, when you’re not together, you wonder what he’s up to. Is he back there? Is she flirting with him again? Clearly she likes him. Anyone can see that!

The truth might be that good old Gregg isn’t that much into cooking and he prefers to eat out. This place has a lot of the same types of foods he ate as a child and it makes him feel at home. It has nothing to do with the pretty girl at the entrance.

It may also be that Gregg is a social being who enjoys the personal touches that this little place brings. He’s new to town and he really enjoys finding these new friends. You can’t be his only friend in life, especially if he is a social type.

Is infidelity a possibility? Sure it is, but that’s true of any relationship, not just an LDR. Just because he likes that the hostess knows his name doesn’t mean he’s willing to share other things with her…like his bed.

Financial Strain

This one is obvious and is true of relationships today and twenty years ago. In fact, with the cost of travel today, it may be even more challenging than it was back then.

It may be that you can’t afford to take three days off of work every other week to go, especially if you work an hourly job or you don’t get the same days off as your partner.

The truth is that you must budget for visits, and this is true regardless of which side of the travel you’re on. As you saw in the part about expectations, you may feel a strong need to make his weekend with you unforgettable.

This might mean going the extra mile for meals, sprucing up your apartment, maybe even getting a new outfit to wow him. None of these things are really necessary, mind you, because he loves you for you, not your stuff or your wardrobe, but still, I get it.

And even just the extra miles of travel, whether by car, train, or plane, can be expensive. Sure, you can get frequent flyer miles for flying but that doesn’t loosen the immediate grip on your wallet.

Long Distance Relationships Can Work With Boundaries

When you’re in a long-distance relationship, you’re sort of living two separate lives when you’re apart. He has his work and friends, and you have yours. These lives are happening while you’re apart from one another.

So, when one visits the other, jealousy can erupt. Not so much over potential infidelity, but just the life being lived without the other partner.

You sit at a bar with your beau and he and his friends are all chuckling over something that happened the last time they got together. But you weren’t there, and you feel left out and jealous of his fun times without you.

It’s possible you even feel like he spends too much time with his friends when you’re around. Shouldn’t he be spending all of his time with you? You’re there for such a short time after all.

It might feel like there are no boundaries – no limit to how he spends his time when he’s with you. This is just like any other weekend he has when you aren’t there.

Not Recognizing Real Problems or Blowing Problems Up

Real problems occur in long-distance relationships, and they’re handled in one of three ways.

The first is that you recognize the problem and work on fixing it in a healthy way, having calm and honest conversations with one another about a potential solution to the problem.

The second is that you ignore the problem, attributing it to the distance or the stress of being apart. It’ll be no big deal when you’re together.

The third is that you blow it way out of proportion and make it a much bigger deal than it really is, causing friction and unnecessary stress in the relationship.

Questions About Relationship Status

When you can’t really see someone regularly, you may make assumptions about whether he’s as committed to the relationship as you are. It’s difficult to read someone’s body language over Facetime or Zoom, and definitely over texts.

Insecurity can cause all kinds of unfounded problems and make you feel like you’re in a constant state of almost losing him.

The problem is that boosting your insecurities, for him, can be tedious and not worth it. He feels like he’s doing everything he can to show you that he cares, but it’s never enough.

Your perception is that he isn’t showing you enough that he cares and his perception is that he’s doing a fine job of it.

Long Distance Relationships Can Work with Great Communication

Probably the biggest problem relationships can have, close or long-distance is communication. I’d like to say it’s a bigger problem in long-distance relationships, and maybe it really is, but from where I sit as a dating coach, I’d say any relationship is at risk.

Some challenges are different, but many are the same.

Oversharing

For example, communicating by text all day long leaves you nothing to talk about when you either Facetime one another later or see each other face to face. You’ve already dribbled all of the bits and pieces of your day to one another. Messages seen and replied to.

So, what’s left to talk about? A stiff silence rests between you until one of you finds something to fill the void.

Varying Communication Styles

Another challenge is the communication styles of men and women. You already know this exists but maybe not why. Men use few words and use them effectively. Every word is important. Just the facts ma’am.

Women use many words, most of which carry emotion and not a lot of fact. You may write him a twelve-line text about something really important, but all he sees is twelve lines and he imagines that nothing good comes from that much of a text. He ignores it and waits a few hours to reply.

Or worse yet, he simply says, “okay” and this infuriates you.

Our Inability to Listen

Other communication problems come from our inability to listen. Listening is a skill that it seems like most people do not have. Instead of truly listening to someone, we’re already formulating our response, a response that will best whatever it is the other person is saying.

You climbed up the rock wall at the rec? Pfffft I climbed a real rock last summer. And off you go. While he was talking about how he overcame a tremendous fear of heights by doing this, you’re already besting him, not even listening.

Fighting From a Distance

Probably the biggest no-no of a long-distance relationship is picking a fight while you’re apart. It’s too easy to text or email hurtful things because you can’t see the face of the person you’re speaking to. It’s impersonal.

It’s also not a fair fight. You might send a text and he’s in the middle of an important work meeting. He either sees your angry text and he loses focus in the meeting, or he ignores the text, maybe even has his phone silenced, and doesn’t see it for hours.

Now, you’re upset because he didn’t reply as soon as you thought he should have, and you’ve added to your anger.

It’s okay to be upset with someone but fight fair. Hold off the conversation for when you can at least talk on Facetime if not in person. This allows cooler heads to be present for working on the problem. You’ve had time to think about things, and you can be more reasonable in the discussion of the problem.

Long Distance Relationships Can Work, Right? What Does Science Say?

My associate, Kirbie, loves to do research and she did some on this topic for us. Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot of science on this topic that is recent enough to account for the newer technology that couples can use to maintain closeness.

Still, some of the research that’s a little older tells us that long-distance relationships have no greater chance of breaking up than relationships of closer proximity. The overall consensus is that a relationship is a relationship, regardless of distance.

The challenges mentioned above are more common challenges of LDR’s but many of those are also challenges of closer relationships too.

Perhaps It’s More About Perspective and Other Factors

I’m a firm believer that we think our way into how situations will play out.

For example, a person who lacks confidence is more likely to anticipate jealousy, not because their partner shows signs of looking for someone else, but because they don’t believe that they’re lovable and can enjoy a happy relationship.

This is something that is true of any relationship.

It’s also possible that your expectations are negative right from the start.

This will never work out.

I can’t imagine being in a relationship where I can’t see him every day.

Long distance relationships are hard.

These are called limiting beliefs, and they can have a serious impact on the outcomes we experience. You might even call them self-fulfilling prophecies. You end up getting what you expected to get.

Long distance relationships can work when the circumstances are right.

Many people in LDRs experience very satisfying relationships, so they can’t be impossible. These people don’t cheat, don’t feel jealousy, and have the right expectations of how their in-person visits will go.

How Close-Proximity Relationships Struggle

Just for fun, let’s take a moment to examine how people in closer proximity relationships can struggle with the same issues.

Expectations

While you get to see your guy more often, in a close proximity relationship, you still have expectations of special dates. Perhaps these are singled out for special occasions like Valentine’s Day or anniversaries, but there are still expectations.

And these expectations can go unmet just as easily. You think he’ll plan out some elaborate Valentine’s Day experience and the truth is that like many men, he’s standing at the grocery store at lunchtime scavenging for the best card from the well picked over selection.

He stops on his way home and grabs a bouquet of flowers – one of just a few left and runs home to meet you for the date. This is the truth about how many men to holidays and anniversaries.

If you don’t believe me, sit in a grocery store parking lot between five and six o’clock on any given day. You’ll see numerous men, sometimes with kids in tow, coming out with a bouquet of flowers and a couple of grocery bags of goodies.

So, nothing really different here except that the expectations might be a little different.

Jealousy and Infidelity

This is definitely not exclusive to LDR’s. This is more common for people who lack confidence and/or self-esteem.

There is either a belief that you aren’t capable of a great relationship, therefore your guy will ultimately cheat on you and leave. Or there’s a belief that you don’t deserve a great relationship and it’s just a matter of time before this one ends, just like the others.

Distance isn’t the problem here. Confidence and self-esteem are the real issues.

Financial Strain

While it’s true that a closer proximity relationship doesn’t have the challenge of travel expenses, there are other expenses associated with life in general that can still play a role.

This can be especially true of people who are financially irresponsible, spending more than they make, not saving, and so on.

Financial strain is something people should work out before they get into a relationship. A hallmark of a great man is one who is financially solid, and he will shy away from women who exhibit financial irresponsibility.

This means that two financially irresponsible people are more likely to find one another, thus creating a bigger problem.

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Boundaries

Challenges with boundaries exist in close proximity relationships as well. They often just relate to different problems.

A lack of boundaries is often a problem of low confidence also. Are you seeing a theme here that has nothing to do with distance?

People who have no boundaries often do so because they are insecure in their ability to build and maintain relationships.

If I say no, he’ll leave me.

If I tell him I don’t want to have sex on the first date, he won’t call back.

Someone whose standards are that low isn’t worth dating anyway. Any man would most likely love to have sex too early with a woman he finds attractive. The difference is that a great man may want to have sex, but he’ll wait until he realizes he’s earned that place in her life.

A confident woman will have that boundary to keep players out of her bed.

Not Recognizing Problems or Blowing Problems Up

This isn’t unique to LDR’s either. People put blinders on when it comes to problems, often letting them simmer to a boiling point.

For some, it’s a desire to avoid conflict. For others, it’s a fear of losing the other person. And for others still, it might be an inability to deal with problems in an appropriate way.

Sometimes, we just aren’t raised to manage problems, so we don’t know how. Our parents argued and that’s what we know.

And then there’s blowing problems out of proportion. Both men and women are great at this, and distance doesn’t matter here either.

Other factors might. When we’re stressed or anxious, problems feel bigger. Problems that are left unresolved for too long are also bigger, either by imagination or avoidance.

For example, not having enough money to pay the rent might be a small problem you can overcome in the first month, but left unresolved for several months, becomes a bigger problem as you fall further and further behind.

So this one isn’t unique to LDR’s either.

Questions About Relationship Status

This is most definitely not an LDR only problem.

Wait for it…it’s a confidence problem.

People who lack confidence and self-esteem often spend a lot of time questioning their relationship status, for the same reasons they get jealous and suspect infidelity.

You can see your guy every day and still question your relationship status. He might not respond to a text as quickly as you think he should, so you immediately assume he wants to break up with you.

Perhaps he’s been tired from work lately, but you view it as a lack of interest in you and fear he’s about to bolt.

The problem is that every time you question the relationship status, which he thinks, or thought anyway, was fine, you put a little pin prick into the relationship. An annoying little pinch for him that builds over time.

Before you know it, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy – you expect him to want to break up, so you question him all of the time about his dedication to you, and due to the constant pressure, he decides he’s had enough, and he leaves.

Which is what you were expecting him to do all along.

Communication

Ahh communication. There isn’t anything new I can say here. Everything I said above holds for close proximity relationships too.

You don’t need distance to have poor communication in a relationship.

Poor communication is present in many relationships, romantic, business, and personal. People who have ineffective communication styles can be challenging to speak to. Other people, many in fact, have very poor listening skills.

These challenges cause problems no matter where you live or how far apart.

Long Distance Relationships Can Work

Yes, it’s true. Long distance relationships can work, for the same reasons that close proximity relationships can work.

Two people who are confident with high self-esteem will enjoy very happy and satisfying relationship, regardless of where they live.

The challenges of distance are easier to overcome when you have the confidence to avoid some of the common pitfalls.

There are different strategies you can use to build an LDR versus a closer proximity relationship for sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. It’s just different.

Be sure to read about Long Distance Relationship Activities here!

Life Begins Outside Your Comfort Zone

Build Confidence, Find Happily Ever After

We read it everywhere in memes and just straight text, Life Begins Outside Your Comfort Zone. But what does it really mean? Does anyone really implement this in their lives?

Staying with what you know feels safe and comfortable, but it doesn’t allow you to truly experience life at its fullest.

Moving past your comfort zone is scary as heck, but it can also be exhilarating and uplifting. Some folks never even have the desire to break out of their comfort zones. For one reason or another, they’re happy living the same day over and over.

This life isn’t exciting. It’s stagnant, leaving you no room for personal growth or advancement, and that’s fine if that’s what you’re looking for, but if you want to write a great story about your life, then it’s time to embrace stepping outside of your comfort zone!

Lucky for you, I’m here to step out with you! I’m ready if you are!

Why Life Begins Outside Your Comfort Zone

It’s human nature to be resistant to change, and yet, change comes along anyway. We can’t avoid it.

As you grow up, your life naturally changes. Your body changes. Your mind changes, and you hormones change. Once adulthood hits, your whole life changes. You might go to college or technical school, or you may just enter the job market and start your career.

But even that doesn’t usually stay the same. You work hard and get a promotion. Maybe at some point, you decide to change careers but if you’re too afraid to go for it, so you stay stuck right where you are.

You meet men and date a few. Those relationships ended in breakups, except maybe the one you’re in right now. Even that may or may not be the ideal relationship, but getting out of a bad relationship seems like more work than staying in, so many just stay.

There are opportunities for change every day and everywhere and we overlook many of them, usually out of fear.

Life Begins Where Boredom Ends

This is another way of saying life begins outside your comfort zone, but it’s a little clearer on what you’re escaping.

Have you ever awakened in the morning and felt low motivation to do anything? Putting your feet on the floor seems to be pointless.

This is caused by one of two things – either you’re bored with living the same day every day or you’re overwhelmed. Either way, stepping outside of your comfort zone can help.

Exiting your comfort zone brings a little discomfort with it because you’re trying something new, which is always scary.

But it’s that fear that you must bust through. It’s the fear that keeps you from exploring and living. It’s fear that keeps us stuck living the same day every day.

When you create a balance between living inside and outside your comfort zone, you’re not only busting through the fear, but you’re also adding excitement and diversity.

Time to Kick Some Routines to the Curb

There’s nothing wrong with having a routine, except that you aren’t stimulated. You wake up, take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, and wander out to your car to drive to work. How many times have you wondered if you locked the door, turned off the coffee pot, or closed the garage door?

This is the routine talking. Those things are so automatic that you don’t even remember doing them. Your mind wasn’t challenged in the slightest. You probably even take the same path to work every morning and come home the same way at night.

Now, think about the last time you drove in a new city. Were you on autopilot? Heck no! You were paying very close attention to where you were and what you needed to do next. Your mind was stimulated and on high alert!

While it might have been a little nerve wracking at the time, you have to admit it was a little exciting too.

Stepping outside of your comfort zone also means breaking some routines. Instead of taking the highway to work, go down some side streets. Instead of the same place for coffee or lunch, try someplace new.

What’s Comfortable?

Comfortable things that you do all of the time. They’re familiar and somewhat regular in your life.

Family dinners, traditions like apple picking or going out for special occasions are all comfortable. There’s nothing wrong with these activities, especially if you enjoy them.

These activities are safe. You know what to expect, at least to some degree, and you know what the expected outcome is likely to be.

What’s Outside Comfortable?

Outside of comfortable doesn’t have to be dangerous. As you read in the section about routines, it can be as simple as breaking your routine.

But it can also be more. Outside of comfortable can be facing a fear, like a fear of heights or of spiders. Do something that you’ve always had churning in the back of your mind but were too afraid to do, like skydiving or bungee jumping. Go kayaking or white-water rafting.

Why Should You Step Out of Your Comfort Zone?

Your current world might feel just fine, but what if your world could improve? What if it could be exciting again? What if facing your fears opens up new opportunities?

New Opportunities

Let’s imagine you’re afraid of heights but you decide to face this fear. You begin facing this fear by climbing higher in the bleachers to watch your nephews baseball game. After that feels comfortable, you decide to walk along the edge of the railing on the second story at the local mall.

Once that feels comfortable, you decide to really go for it, and you choose another elevated activity like ziplining or walking across a tall bridge. Each of these things is so darn scary but exhilarating at the same time. You feel proud of yourself for reaching what are literally new heights.

The higher you go, the more confident you feel and the more exciting your life becomes. Who knows, you might even get into something like sky diving and really enjoy it.

You recognize what you’re capable of and that you’re capable of even more.

Growth

Imagine an athlete who never tries to grow. He doesn’t visit the weight room, so he physically doesn’t grow like his teammates and competitors. He barely puts forth any effort in practice, so he stays a mediocre player.

I’m a football fan, so I’m going to use that for an example. When I watch football at the beginning of the season, it’s always exciting to see who the breakout players will be. There are always rookies, as well as players from years past.

These guys challenge themselves and one another to be better. Rookies have something to prove, and the returning players have positions to win, year after year.

If you live in the comfort zone of doing the same things you did year over year, you aren’t going to get better, and in the case of sports, you probably won’t hold your position.

Even in life outside of sports, this is true. You’ve been working in your job for several years, but a new person right out of college just got hired to join your department. She’s hungry and energetic. You can see it in her eyes – she wants to climb to the top! She’s going to leave no stone unturned as she strives to meet her goals.

And guess what, one of those stones she plans to turn over is you. She’s learned new technologies. She’s studied the most recent trends and tools for your line of work. She’s fresh and young and eager.

If you want to hold onto your job, you’re going to have to face change. You’ll need to learn those new technologies and tools. You’ll need to show that you still have the eagerness and energy to do your job, or one even higher up the food chain.

Problem Solving

Change often presents a problem, sometimes unforeseen. When you sit stagnant in your comfort zone, the solution might not be obvious to you. In fact, you might not feel that there’s any way out.

But if you reach beyond your comfort zone, you realize that there are solutions all around you. Your mind creatively seeks solutions that weren’t apparent.

Pushing past your comfort zone inspires this creative problem solving. You experience the world in new ways and see things from different perspectives. This opens your mind up to seeing things you wouldn’t have seen before.

To problem solve, you often need to reach beyond that comfort zone to learn new things, experience new things, and even live in new places. Sometimes, these things happen so quickly that you don’t even have time to think about how scary it is. You just go.

The Yerkes-Dodson Law

The Yerkes-Dodson Law states that performance increases as stress increases, and it decreases as stress decreases.

This law was developed by two scientists, Robert Yerkes and John Dillingham Dodson and it dates all the way back to 1908, but it’s age doesn’t decrease its validity.

What the law means is that when you’re living in your comfort zone, or with little stress, your performance is low, relatively speaking, but if you inject some stress or change, your performance increases.

I know a woman who challenged herself to run one race every month for a year. Her main goal was weight loss.

The problem is that she’d never been a runner before, so she had to start at zero and work her way up. Since her first race had to be in the first month of her training, she had no time to waste. She started running right away, even though the distances weren’t that long at first. Her first race was a small one and by race day, she’d run enough to finish.

To add to her success, she lost weight as well. Bonus! In the second month, she was planning to run a longer race, but she didn’t change her training very much, and by race day, she felt ill prepared.

She realized that to compete in the future races, she needed to push herself further – or in Yerkes-Dodson terms, apply stress. She ran farther and faster and by the third month’s race, she felt good about her chances.

By the end of the year, she’d hit her goal of one race per month and she lost one-hundred pounds, and she did it by continuously applying stress. She ran a full marathon by the end the year!

Rise to Above Average

Living an average life is okay, but it’s not fun or exciting. It’s average – mundane even. Who wants to be mundane?

People who are afraid, that’s who!

But you’re a woman who wants to either find a great guy or keep the great guy you have now. Average won’t do.

Why?

Men Like Mystery

Men crave mystery. That’s why a guy in a new relationship seems so excited. Yes, he’s attracted to you, but he’s also excited by the mystery of learning about you.

This is where many women go wrong early in relationships, or in online relationships. They tell too much too soon, and the mystery vanishes as quickly as it came about.

Instead of spilling your entire life story in the first three dates, or worse yet, before you actually meet, share bits of yourself each time you go out. If you’re still chatting online, spill very little. Give him tidbits until you figure out that he isn’t catfishing and until you meet him in person.

The truth is that if you have enough time in a date to spill that much about yourself it either means the date was too long or you talked too much, probably out of nerves.

When you meet a new guy and go out on dates, share little stories. Don’t try to impress him with outlandish stores that may or may not even be true. Try something like this, “Wow, that’s great that you love to travel. I’m trying to see how many stamps I can get in my passport.”

You didn’t outline every country you’ve been to or even how many stamps you may have now. You merely mentioned a challenge or goal you’ve made. He’s intrigued. It’s mystery.

How to keep a man interested

Men Also Love Challenge

When I say challenge here, I don’t mean being difficult. You need to kick him out of his complacency and boredom by changing things up a bit.

Get back into the social life you gave up when you started dating this guy.

Revisit the hobbies you had before he came along.

Get back to being the woman he fell in love with. You challenged him then. You may have been harder to get a date with because you had other plans. This challenges a guy to do better for you, to be important enough to find time on your schedule.

In the movie, Last Holiday, Georgia Byrd, played by Queen Latifah, finds out she’s going to die, so she sets out to do as many things on her wish list as possible. Meanwhile, Sean Matthews, the guy she’s dreaming of, played by LL Cool J, decides to act on his attraction to her.

The key line in the movie, for this discussion anyway, is when he approaches her for a date, soon after she finds out she’s about to die. He says, “I know you’re a busy woman, so I wanted to get on your schedule as soon as I could.” Or something along those lines. This is a guy who knows he’s interested in a woman who’s busy. He’s working to get on her schedule.

You’re Writing a Great Story

When you are mysterious and challenging, you’re automatically writing your story. Your story is ongoing and filled with all of the things you do. Taking a trip adds a chapter to your story. Having hobbies adds to your story. Going back to college in your 40’s adds to your story.

Your goal should be to keep writing your story by experiencing new things, meeting new people, enjoying your hobbies, and so on.

Your story gives you interesting things to talk about on a date. It also keeps the mystery and challenge alive.

You Achieve Your Goals

Everyone dreams of a different life. Celebrities dream of going out with their kids and not having twenty people ask for autographs. Young people dream of having that life. Some people dream of not worrying about money every day. Other people dream of a new house or a new car.

It’s natural to dream, but why not turn those dreams into goals?

My funny story about reaching a goal

But reaching for and achieving goals requires you to recognize that life begins outside your comfort zone. If you did it all of the time, you wouldn’t need to set a goal for it.

How great would it feel to actually have some of your dreams come true?

You Build Confidence

When you challenge yourself by trying to live outside your comfort zone or achieving new goals, you automatically become more confident.

Your belief in yourself grows, and that’s the definition of confidence. Belief that you can do something.

The best part is that the guys you should want to date are the confident men, and those men only date confident women. Relationships sometimes fall apart when confidence falls away.

You’re More Resilient

Living beyond your comfort zone means living with some discomfort, but many people avoid this discomfort at all costs.

However, once you experience some discomfort and recognize that you can live with a feeling of discomfort, you become more resilient.

The next time something a little uncomfortable comes along, you aren’t as afraid because you know you’ve lived through it before and that you’re a better person for it.

You Feel More in Control of Your Life

Once you set and achieve goals, build your confidence, and become more resilient, you feel more in control of your life. You understand that more of your life is within your control than you ever imagined.

You understand that you’re steering the ship and your life can look more like what you’ve imagined all along. It’s empowering!

Why It’s Hard to Leave Your Comfort Zone

If this was easy, you wouldn’t be here. You’d be out busting the walls of your comfort zone.

Leaving your comfort zone requires applying that stress you read about above. It requires you to swallow some anxiety and push past fear.

Those aren’t easy things to do.

It also requires you to challenge the way you think and blow past limiting beliefs that are holding you back.

You must become mentally immune to fear and pain, recognize that they’re fleeing emotions, just like joy and happiness can be.

I like to equate negative emotions to leaves floating on a stream. They approach and you may or may not see them coming, then they come closer and get right in front of you. You can reach out and touch them, but they continue to float by, unless you pluck them out of the water and hold onto them. Once you let them go, they float away, as smoothly as they arrived.

The problem is when you pull them out of the water and keep them, instead of letting them float away, they begin to rot and decay instead of adding to your life.

How to Live Outside Your Comfort Zone

Sometimes a situation comes along that requires you to step outside of your comfort zone and you don’t have a choice.

But when you’re in the driver’s seat, what can you do?

Set Goals

You read about this above and I have a whole workbook you can buy for less than a cup of coffee.

Plan to Succeed

A goal is a written statement, an intention. But you need more. You need a plan. What are the steps you need to take to reach that goal?

What obstacles might you encounter? How can you overcome them?

By planning for success, you organize your thoughts and recognize any shifts necessary in the timeline of your goal.

ACT!

There is a space between wanting something and having it, and that space is filled with either action or the lack of action.

It’s that action or inaction that defines whether you launch yourself out of your comfort zone or remain in it.

Plans are great, but they’re nothing without acting.

Be Flexible

When things need adjustment, don’t give up. Adjust. If you need more time to reach a goal, extend your timeline. If you want to shoot a little higher, adjust the goal a little higher.

Many people give up on their goals once the first trip-up happens. You weigh in and you didn’t lose as much weight as you wanted in that timeframe, so you quit.

Instead of quitting, adjust. Do you need to exercise more? Are you eating as well as you can?

Don’t quit. Adjust.

Continue Making New Goals

Once you meet a goal, set a new one. Never stop. Having goals is an ongoing thing. Set one and meet it, then set another. Better yet, go after more than one at a time!

Challenge yourself and write that great story!

Remember, goals help you build confidence and high confidence gets you the best of the men out there!

Life Begins Outside Your Comfort Zone – That’s a Wrap!

Hopefully by now, you’re ready to launch out of your comfort zone. You see the wisdom of facing fears and staring them down. You understand the value of setting goals and reaching them.

The benefits of living outside of your comfort zone far outweigh staying inside that comfort zone.

There is so much life out there to live, so face those fears, set those goals, and get out there! The next chapter of your story is just waiting to be written, and a great guy is out there waiting to hear it!

Learn how to set life-changing goals – the kind of goals you won’t drop in 48 hours – with this awesome workbook! Just click the button below to start today!

This workbook will walk you through setting goals that are meaningful to you and will help you improve your life in ways you never imagined!

Stop sitting by, watching others achieve their goals. In fact, forget about them! This is about you and your new-found ability to have the life you want.

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Unveiling the Truth: Are Soul Mates Real?

Find Happily Ever After

The concept of soul mates has been a topic of interest for many psychologists who have proposed several theories. One such theory is the Jungian Theory, named after Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. According to this theory, we all have an ‘anima’ or ‘animus’ (the feminine and masculine aspects within us). Jung said we are naturally drawn to people who embody the traits of our anima or animus. We often interpret this as finding our ‘soul mate’ or ‘other half’.

Attachment Theory

The Attachment Theory is another psychological theory related to soul mates. This theory suggests that our early relationships with our caregivers shape our adult relationships. In this context, a soul mate could be someone who satisfies our attachment needs, providing a sense of security and comfort. This person may not be a ‘perfect match’ in every aspect, but they fulfill our emotional needs.

Romantic Idealism

Then there’s the theory of Romantic Idealism. This theory posits that our belief in soul mates is influenced by our cultural and societal norms. We’re often fed the idea of ‘the one’ through various forms of media, leading us to believe in the existence of a perfect partner. Our relationships and perception of what a soul mate should be are influenced by this belief.

Biological Theory

Another interesting theory is the Biological Theory. This theory suggests that we’re biologically programmed to seek certain traits in a partner that would ensure the survival and success of our offspring. In this context, a soul mate could be someone who possesses these desirable traits.

Constructed Memory

Lastly, the theory of Constructed Memory suggests that our memories are not always accurate and can be influenced by our current feelings and beliefs. This means we might construct the idea of a soul mate based on our current feelings towards a person, rather than actual past experiences. This theory challenges the notion of ‘love at first sight’ often associated with the concept of soul mates.

Setting the Stage: What Exactly is a Soul Mate?

Think about those moments when you’ve met someone and it felt like you’ve known them forever. This is an inexplicable connection that’s hard to shake off. It feels deeper than physical attraction and focuses on the abstract concept of ‘soul mates’. But what does this really mean? Is a soul mate someone who completes you, like two halves of a perfect whole? Or perhaps, is it about finding someone who helps you grow into your best self?

The concept of soul mates is as complex as the variety of individual perspectives. For some, this is about a romantic partner who fits perfectly into their life, like a key to a lock. For others, it’s a cherished relationship that might not be romantic, but fosters personal growth and harmonic synergy. It’s as if two souls are aligning in a dance of cosmic resonance. The idea of a soul mate is a notion that carries profound depth and the potential for endless interpretations.

This multifaceted interpretation extends back to ancient times. Plato, the Greek philosopher, surmised that humans were originally created with two faces, four arms, and four legs. Following a fear that they would become too powerful, the gods divided them, and hence, each person is always in search of their other half, their soul mate.

However, is all of this a beautiful metaphor or a tangible truth? Are those chills down your spine when you meet someone a sign of a soul mate connection, or a simple physiological reaction? To uncover these answers, it’s important to dig into the power of connection and the science behind soul mates—let’s set off on this exploratory journey together.

Debunking Myths: Common Misconceptions About Soul Mates

Let’s clear up some of these popular misinterpretations about what a soul mate is.

A common myth is that there is only one soul mate for each person. This has been perpetuated by movies and books, but the reality is not so limiting. It’s much more plausible to understand that you can connect deeply with multiple people throughout your life. Each of these connections are unique and meaningful in their own way.

A second frequently touted misconception is that soul mates must be romantic partners. While this is often the case in popular culture, it doesn’t have to be the standard. A soul mate, at its core, is someone with whom you share a deep, mutual connection. In many cases, this could be a friend, a family member, or even a mentor.

Finally, another misleading belief is that when you meet your soul mate, everything will fall perfectly into place. Relationships, even with a soul mate, require effort and work. Encountering challenges and overcoming them together is a key aspect of deepening that essential connection.

It’s crucial to understand these myths about soul mates so you don’t misinterpret what you’re feeling. Instead of searching high and low for the single perfect person who fits an ideal fantasy, perhaps it’s more beneficial to focus on the meaningful connections you can form with the people already in your life and meet along your journey. The harmonious soul connections you develop could be much more rewarding than you could have ever imagined.

Soul Mate or Life Partner: Understanding the Difference

A soul mate connection is believed to be immensely deep and meaningful, transcending the physical realm. Themes of love that withstand the test of time, destiny, and the idea of ‘two halves of a whole’ are all often associated with the idea of a soul mate.

A life partner, on the other hand, often carries a more pragmatic understanding. Relationships with life partners are marked by mutual respect, shared goals, and a strong commitment to nurturing the relationship. The bond is based more on choice and effort rather than on predestined fate or profound cosmic connection.

Navigating the grey area between soul mates and life partners can be challenging. It’s easy to find yourself tangled in romantic notions of finding ‘the one.’ However, it’s essential to remember that healthy and fulfilling relationships require effort, understanding, and resilience.

Sure, the idea of finding your soul mate is undeniably romantic. It’s a notion that’s been ingrained in our minds and hearts through countless movies, songs, and novels. Yet, the reality is often more complex than such simplistic narratives. While a soul mate can undoubtedly add tremendous value and depth to your life, seeking a life partner – someone who stands by you, supports you, and grows with you – can serve as a more solid foundation for a long-lasting, rewarding relationship.

Whether you believe in soul mates, life partners, or both, it’s crucial to remember that every relationship is unique. What works for one may not work for another. It’s more about creating a bond that aligns with your individual needs, desires, and life goals.

Signs, Signals, and Synchronicities: Recognizing Your Soul Mate

Many imagint meeting a soul mate feels like a rush of emotion, that moment when your eyes meet, and instantly knowing you’ve found ‘the one’. But is it really that simple or is it more subtle and nuanced? Let’s get into the tangible signs that might just lead you to your soul mate.

Recognizing your soul mate doesn’t always happen when you meet. It could take time, patience, and a genuine connection built on mutual respect and shared experiences. You might feel an immediate pull towards him, a sense of familiarity, like your paths were always meant to cross.

Pay attention to how you feel in his presence. Do you feel calm, at ease? If your soul mate is near, there’s a chance you’ll experience a sense of peace and comfort that you can’t quite explain. There still may be disagreements or friction at times – after all, we’re all human – but a sense of harmony should be the norm, not the exception.

Synchronicity, first coined by psychiatrist Carl Jung, refers to the occurrence of events that seem related but are not explained by conventional mechanisms of causality. In layman’s terms, you might consider these to be meaningful coincidences. Perhaps you and your potential soul mate share common interests, dreams, or have had similar life experiences. These compelling similarities can feel like the universe aligning to bring you both together.

Ultimately, the journey to finding your soul mate can be beautiful, exciting, and full of revelations. The key is to stay open to the signs, trust your instincts and, most importantly, believe in the journey, because it’s just as much about self-growth and understanding as it is about finding the other half of your soul.

Intuition and Inner Knowing: The Role of Gut Feelings in Identifying Soul Mates

Sometimes, your intuition is at play – that deep inner knowing that often plays a crucial role in identifying soul mates.

It’s not something you can explain logically or certainly not something that you’ve experienced before. Yet, there’s a certain sense of familiarity – as though you’re reconnecting with a long-lost friend. We’ve all experienced such feelings, in various degrees, and when it comes to soul mates, this feeling is truly profound.

Beyond the realm of scientific proof or logical reasoning, this intuition is strongly rooted in your soul’s wisdom. Some people describe it as an inexplicable magnetism, an undeniable pull towards the other person. Others experience it as a calm assurance, a quiet certainty that this person is meant to be in their life.

Trusting your gut feeling is, therefore, an essential part of the soul mate journey. After all, your soul recognizes its counterpart before your mind comprehends it. While signs, signals, and synchronicities can guide you, it’s your inner knowing that affirms those pointers to be more than mere coincidences – they are, perhaps, cosmic confirmations.

Remember, just as the soul mate connection transcends the ordinary, recognizing your soul mate goes beyond ordinary experiences and emotions. Honour these feelings and trust your intuition, for it’s speaking in ways only your soul can truly understand.

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Psychological Perspective: What Science Says About Soul Mates

Psychologists believe that while there may not be a magical force leading us to ‘the one’, people do tend to seek partners with specific compatible traits. This psychological principle, known as “complementarity”, suggests people are drawn to those who possess characteristics that they, themselves, lack. Could this be the root of the idea of souls “completing” each other?

Increasingly, neuroscience is also weighing in on the topic. Recent studies have explored how deep connections between two people can result in a unique neurological pattern, creating an intense bond. However, this doesn’t necessarily signify a predestined pairing. What it tells us is that our brains adapt and evolve based on our experiences and the relationships that we form.

Finally, there’s the evolutionary perspective. Some evolutionary psychologists theorize that humans might have a natural inclination to pair bond – to keep together long enough to raise offspring. This instinct could contribute to our yearning for a profound, enduring romantic connection, or what we often dub as a “soul mate”.

In essence, the scientific community doesn’t entirely discount the idea of soul mates. However, they urge caution against overly romanticized or unrealistic expectations. They advocate for focusing more on building strong, healthy relationships, which may be a more likely pathway to finding a “soul mate”.

The Verdict: Are Soul Mates Real?

Given the information you’re read, it’s tough to draw a definitive conclusion. It ultimately falls upon your belief system and personal experiences. If you’re a firm believer in divine connection or destiny, the idea of soul mates can seem quite real and unquestionably valid. On the other hand, skeptics might see it as a mere construct of romantic novels and films.

Many psychologists and relationship experts argue that the concept of soul mates, while comforting, can actually put undue pressure on relationships. In their perspective, waiting for or seeking a perfect ‘other half’ may let you bypass opportunities for growth and deep emotional connection with others who aren’t ideal by some standards, but who bring value and enrichment to your life in their unique, imperfect ways.

Furthermore, there’s no scientific evidence to substantiate the existence of soul mates as we’ve discussed them in this context. But then again, love, akin to many human emotions, defies hard science’s grasp. It’s fraught with complexities and mystique that science has yet to comprehensively decipher.

So, dependent on your perspective, soul mates either exist in the metaphysical realm, where destiny intertwines two souls, or exist in the human mind, where love and connection take form as the idea of soul mates. Ultimately, the belief in soul mates really comes down to personal conviction influenced by your experiences and outlook on life and love.

In the end, whether you believe in soul mates, one thing rings true: human connection—deep, meaningful, and personal—is undeniably real. And the joy such relationships bring, that’s what truly matters.

The Alpha Woman Guide to Happy Relationships

Build a Great Relationship, Find Happily Ever After

For an alpha woman, finding a happy relationship can be one of the biggest challenges of your life. You’re drawn to alpha men because they’re most like you, but then you find yourself in one power struggle after another and the whole thing ends badly.

How does an alpha woman find happy relationships? She does one of two things: she finds beta men to date or learns how to date alpha men.

But there’s a caveat. Studies indicate that while alpha men will date alpha women, they don’t usually marry them.

Still, don’t give up! Today, I have some tips for you on enjoying dating again and finding yourself in a happy relationship! But first, I want to clarify what an alpha woman is. As I’ve been sending some emails about alphas, I’m finding a little bit of a misunderstanding.

Who is the Alpha Woman?

Maybe I should start with what an alpha woman is not. I recently received an email from a woman who proclaims herself an alpha woman because she’s bossy. Bossiness is not a trait of an alpha woman. It’s often a sign of lower confidence – a my way or the highway attitude that denotes someone who can’t handle being wrong.

Alpha Women are Confident

So, of course, the first trait of an alpha woman is that she’s confident. Confident does not equal bossy. Confident means you can handle being wrong and you use those opportunities to learn and improve, not bully someone into submission.

Of course, the thing about confidence is that it not only varies from person to person, but within one person, it can vary from one area of life to another. For example, you can be very confident in your job, but you’ve had a few bad relationships and your dating confidence has dropped.

Confidence is also something you can build back up with effort and patience with yourself.

The Alpha Woman is Ambitious

The alpha woman has goals and she goes after them with gusto! This woman has a plan and she keeps it in front of her every day! She lives a very intentional life that helps her focus on reaching those goals with few distractions.

Alpha Women are Learners

The alpha woman is never happy to stay just as she is. Instead, she’s always trying to learn something new to propel her to new heights or help her achieve a goal. She may focus on learning a new hobby or a new skill for her job. It doesn’t matter. She loves to learn and she’s always learning something!

The Alpha Woman Loves to Encourage Others

You’ll find that the alpha woman is one of the biggest cheerleaders you know, especially when it comes to people she works with or those she cares for.

If you’ve got a big presentation, the alpha will be there, ready to help in any way she can and to give you that boost of confidence you need.

She’s supportive of others and helps keep her friends and coworkers motivated and energized. You want an alpha on your side!

There are several other traits of an alpha woman, and you can find them in my book, The Alpha Female: Who is She? Who Should She Date? How do You Become One?

Are You an Alpha Female Who Can't Find a Happy Relationship?

For alpha women, finding a relationship that isn’t challenging or frustrating can be a real problem. You’re drawn to alpha men, but science tells us that alpha men don’t want to marry alpha women, they only want to date them. Then there’s the beta man, often misunderstood by both alpha men and women, but often a great choice for the alpha woman. Learn more about how you can develop a happy relationship with either type of man by checking out The Alpha Female: Who is She? Who Should She Date? How do You Become One?

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Why Not Try Dating Beta Men?

There is no more misunderstood category of person than the beta man. You may search the internet for articles on the beta man after reading this. I encourage you to read cautiously, especially if the article is written by an alpha man.

Why?

My personal opinion is that alpha men feel threatened by beta men, which is why they use phrases like detrimental to society.

The truth is that the beta man is a wonderful man to date. Let me share a few reasons why.

Beta Men Don’t do Power Struggles

The beta man is fine being second in command in your relationship. In fact, he prefers it. He really doesn’t have any desire to be in charge. It may be that he has a very high-power job at work and wants to relax when he gets home.

Being a beta doesn’t mean he isn’t strong or that he doesn’t have a good job. It just means that when he’s with the woman he adores, he’s fine letting her call the shots.

He’s Comfortable Being Himself

While alpha males tend to preen a lot and thrive on competition, the beta man is fine with himself just as he is.

He’s competitive, like an alpha, but he has a confidence an alpha doesn’t usually possess. He doesn’t need to competite or win to feel better about himself.

The beta man doesn’t have the same need to impress others as an alpha has either. He knows what his uniqueness is and he’s okay with it. He doesn’t need to pretend to be someone he isn’t, just to gain the attention of others.

The Beta Male is Altruistic

The beta man is very comfortable doing something for someone else, just for the sake of helping someone. He requires no accolades or props for doing something good.

Men show their love through their actions, and this is especially true of beta men. If you ask your beta man to do something for you, he’s on it. You don’t need to ask twice.

He’s Detail-Oriented

Wouldn’t you love to date just one guy who caught on to the important stuff? You want the guy who notices your new hair color, cut, or style. You’re looking for someone who notices when you go the extra mile and appreciates it.

The beta man will remember your favorite coffee flavor, how many teaspoons of sugar or honey in your tea, and even which specialty bread you like at the bakery.

He’s More Likely to be a Cuddler

If you’re looking for a guy who enjoys binge-watching Outlander as much as he enjoys an evening out, the beta is your guy.

Alphas need to be out so they can be noticed. Betas are fine going out, but they’re just as likely to want to stay home and snuggle in front of a fire with you.

He’ll do what you want to do.

He Cares About Your Needs in Bed and is Sensitive

What woman wouldn’t want a guy like this?

Of course, the beta man wants to enjoy sex, but his main goal is for you to enjoy the experience. He’s sensitive to your needs both in and out of bed.

If you’ve dated a few alphas or narcissists, this can take some getting used to, but once you do, you’ll appreciate his attention and sensitivity.

What the Beta Man Isn’t

As I mentioned previously, the beta man is misunderstood. Many of the traits you just read, as well as others that betas possess make them seem weak. The truth is that a beta man may be the CEO of a major corporation from nine to five, but from five to nine, he wants someone else to take control.

Some sites will describe beta men as small and scrawny, but I know of one beta man who is 6’4” and very muscular. He works in an emergency room and rehabs vintage cars for a hobby. He’s perfectly fine with his wife being in charge when he’s home. I know another beta who is very athletic and earned upwards of $500K a year. He wishes every day for a woman to be in control in his life.

Other sites describe betas as unattractive, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so who’s to say that a man you find attractive will be attractive to everyone or vice versa? Again, this is someone who truly does not understand the beta.

A final myth I’ll dispel about betas right now is that they have feminine characteristics. They most certainly do not. Neither of the men I described above have any feminine characteristics. Alphas who feel threatened by the beta man’s sensitivity and attention to detail will use these types of phrases to demean the beta.

Just remember that everyone is different. Not all beta men are alike, just like not all alpha men are alike. These generalizations merely help you know which type of man may be best for you.

Speaking of which, let’s take a look at the alpha man.

Alpha Men

Alpha men have good and bad traits. Sometimes one trait can be both, depending on how a particular man uses that trait.

First, let’s examine the positive traits of an alpha man.

He’s a Strong Leader

The alpha man is a strong leader who leads by example. This is one of those traits that can fall into both positive and negative categories, especially as far as relationships with alpha women are concerned.

If you’re willing to give up your leadership role in the relationship, you’ll find your alpha will always steer you in the right direction. This strength makes him a great role model for children, as long as the negatives of this personality trait don’t rear their ugly heads.

The problem with this trait is that an alpha doesn’t see all voices as equal in his relationships. His voice matters. Period.

He Has Emotional Intelligence

Not all alphas have this trait, but many do. Emotional intelligence is knowing what you’re feeling and knowing how to manage those feelings. When a man has high emotional intelligence, it also means he can better manage your emotions, which is something many men cannot do.

Again, though, not all alphas have this trait, so you want to make sure yours does.

He’s Confident

Alphas and betas are both confident types of men. Confidence is a very sexy trait to possess, for both men and women, so you’ll notice this about your guy right away. Of course, confidence can be a negative if he’s overconfident, but really, what comes off as overconfidence is really a lack of confidence, so be aware!

If he’s truly confident, he will make great decisions for your relationship. You can trust this guy!

He’s Growth-Oriented

Many alpha men are focused on personal growth, which means he’ll be interested in his and yours. If you decide you want to go back to college or learn something new, he’ll be right there helping in any way he can.

And Now for Some Problematic Traits

While alphas have many positive traits, a few of which you just read about, they also have some that can cause a relationship to take a turn for the worse.

Alphas are Fiercely Loyal and Protective

Seems like a good trait, right? And it can be for sure, until that protectiveness turns into overprotectiveness. He might consider you to be his property or territory.

Hey, don’t shoot the messenger…anyway, under his protectiveness, you may feel smothered, which quickly becomes a bad thing, especially since you’re an alpha too.

Watch for the fine line between his being protective and controlling. Protective is fine if he’s installing an alarm system to keep you safe while he’s out of town or walking on the street side when you’re out. It’s not okay when he’s got surveillance cameras all over the house and a tracker on your car.

He’s Decisive

How can this be a problem? Decisiveness can be a problem if he believes that either he’s the only one who can make decisions for your relationship or that he thinks his decisions are right and everyone else’s are wrong.

When two alphas are in a relationship and this problem raises itself, your knee-jerk response is to argue with him, but your better tactic is to retreat and let him stew in it for a while.

He heard your objections and statements contrary to his decision and he’s now mulling it over in the calm. If you give him time, he might come to the conclusion that you were right and he can see the wisdom of your opposing thoughts. This doesn’t mean he’ll give in to them, but he might. Your best path may be to gently remind him of your key points when things are going well. This allows him to consider it for a while longer and maybe see your point.

It will be difficult for him to admit he’s wrong, so if he does acquiesce, be sure not to gloat or make a big deal about it. Accept his change in decision and move forward.

He’s Honest

Again, how can this be bad? Well, it’s like the old joke, “Honey do these slacks make my butt look bigger?” The alpha male might not be wise to the idea that a little white lie never hurt anything and he’ll say yes, believing that honesty is the best policy. A smart man knows the answer is no, of course, but nobody said alphas were always smart 😊

What you must understand is that if he says something that comes off as a negative, the truth is that he does want you to look great, if for no other reason than it helps him look great. His honesty is what he considers to be constructive criticism. He’s not trying to hurt your feelings but to help you look better. He just has a poor way of going about it.

So Which Shall it Be?

The truth is that I can’t tell you which type of man to date. All I can do is present you with the two types of men that you’re most likely to come across and help you understand how you can enjoy a happy relationship with either type.

For the beta man, the happiness for him comes when you take control and let him be himself. Guide him in whatever you want him to do.

This doesn’t mean you’re bossy over him, but you have conversations that focus on getting to know what you each want out of your lives together and then you work out a plan for getting there. He will follow your lead, but he will do well if you let him have input as well.

Being in any type of relationship requires you to discuss things of importance, which eventually includes who will control what. Remain honest and open with him and truly listen to what he’s telling you.

Odds are, he’s been waiting for a very long time for a woman who will accept the control he’s willing to surrender.

For the alpha man, you’ll need to resign yourself to giving up control of many, if not all things. You can try to discuss it with him and he might give up some control, but I wouldn’t count on it.

Regardless of which type of man you choose, understand that there is give and take. How much you give and take will depend a lot on which type of man you decide to be with.

Are You an Alpha Female Who Can't Find a Happy Relationship?

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Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend?

Find Happily Ever After

Just by asking the question, should I breakup with my boyfriend, you must already be clued in that something is wrong. Your intuition is pinging.

The obvious reasons for breaking up with someone include drug and alcohol addiction, as well as an addiction to pornography, infidelity, or abuse.

But what are some less obvious answers to the question, should I breakup with my boyfriend? Let’s look at a few.

You Aren’t Growing Together

We grow in maturity and intellectual abilities throughout our lives, but we don’t all do it at the same rate.

As a couple, you can grow by trying new things together. Try new types of ethnic food, working out together or traveling to new places. Choose a hobby to work on together or read books together.

You try together and you learn what works and what doesn’t. Have fun and build deeper intimacy. You’re a team who can take on the world! Building memories together helps your relationship stay fresh and fun.

Grow as an individual by exploring new things on your own. Try a new hairstyle or color. Perhaps you decide your old wardrobe doesn’t reflect who you are any longer. You might explore a new hobby or a passion you have. Reading is a great way to grow and there are millions of self-help books available if that’s what you want.

You’ll know you aren’t growing together in a couple ways. One of you may feel bored. Sex is non-existent, and you find yourselves arguing more than doing things together.

You may feel as if one of you is being left behind. You’re out there trying new things and he’s sitting at home playing video games with his friends all night.

You ask, “Should I breakup with my boyfriend?” The answer depends.

Your gut is already telling you to consider breaking up, but this is also fixable. If you think you can talk to him about it, invite him to explore something new with you and see if he’s agreeable. You might be able to fix it if you can find your way back to growth that supports one another instead of leaves one behind.

You’re Two Very Different People Now

This feels like the last one, but it isn’t the same. Sometimes, people get together, and the chemistry is so hot that you just launch yourselves into a relationship. The sex is great, and that chemistry keeps you together, but not forever. Chemistry only gets you so far. Great sex doesn’t make a relationship and it isn’t the same as intimacy.

Intimacy comes from doing things you both enjoy, together. It’s those afternoons picking apples or painting the living room that pull you closer together. It’s the time when he was sick and you brought him some chicken soup, then stayed to help clean up and maybe watch a little Netflix.

You may discover that he’s not an animal person, but you love your Great Dane and can’t imagine parting with her. He could be very outdoorsy while you prefer to stay in. One of you could be very social while the other prefers to stay at home.

These aren’t things you discover when all you’re working with is hot chemistry. They’re the day-to-day things that start to pile up. It keeps you both from living the life you enjoy because you feel an obligation to do everything together.

None of this makes either of you bad people, it just means you need to work through it or find someone new. You ask me, “Gregg, should I breakup with my boyfriend?”

My answer is this. Have you even discussed what’s bothering you yet? It’s possible he too is feeling the problem but is afraid to approach you.

Talking will solve this one way or the other. You’ll either find a way to work through your differences or you’ll decide it’s better to find someone else.

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend if One or Both of Us Has Changed?

Sometimes you go into a relationship thinking you know what you want, only to find out later that you’re wrong. This happens to both men and women, and it doesn’t make either of you wrong or bad. It just means you’ve figured some stuff out about yourself and you aren’t the same person.

Many things happen to cause change in either direction – for the better or for the worse.

One of you may experience the loss of a loved one and you’re having trouble finding your way out of the sadness. You may have decided you want to start a family soon, but he doesn’t want kids. It’s something you discussed peripherally before but now, you’re serious and so is he.

For men, the loss of a job or financial status can be a very hard blow, one women don’t often understand. It can send a guy into a tailspin.

Whatever the cause and whichever of you has changed isn’t the issue. The issue is that you don’t feel compatible any longer and there’s nothing wrong with that. What would be wrong is to continue as if nothing problematic was happening.

Instead of asking, should I breakup with my boyfriend, sit down and discuss your differences. If it seems that a breakup is in order, then do it. There’s nothing wrong with ending a relationship if it isn’t the right one for you.

Are You Ready to End it?

Not all breakups are initiated by a man. If you're ready to end this relationship, go for it. Only you know whether you're happy and if the relationship is fulfilling your needs. It's possible that he feels the same way but you're both afraid to take that step. It's okay. Read some of the other articles on the subject by clicking below. They're here to help.

The Dreaded Mid-Life Crisis

Everyone talks about men wanting convertibles, younger women, and a full head of hair but women have mid-life crises as well.

You feel as if there’s something in your life you can’t fulfill in your current relationship. Your fight or flight has kicked in and flight seems the proper response.

Fight or flight is a result of anxious thinking. You’re worried about something that will or won’t happen in the future and you’re afraid that if you don’t exit the relationship right now, you won’t be able to either make something happen or avoid something else.

You might feel as if you missed out on part of your youth because you started getting into serious relationships at a young age and have stayed in them since. Now, you find yourself wanting to go back and experience those things.

Instead of asking, should I breakup with my boyfriend, the question to ask is if you need to explore and experience alone or can your boyfriend tag along? If you really think you need to do this alone, explain it to him and maybe you can come to some sort of arrangement.

You never know until you try!

What I encourage you not to do is ignore this feeling, while at the same time helping you understand that you can’t recapture your youth and there are some experiences that are better left behind you, whether you got to enjoy them or not.

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend over Outside Influences?

In this category you find things like religion and politics. As you age and mature, you might find that you’ve grown apart in an important area of life. You might have shifted your beliefs in one direction or another and he went the other way.

It’s okay to be different in these areas of life. The question is can you live with your boyfriend being a Democrat if you’re a staunch Republican? Can you date someone who doesn’t believe in God if you have strong Christian beliefs? Couples do live together in these circumstances. They agree to disagree and leave those topics of discussion off the table.

Another outside influence can be an ex, especially if shared custody of children, or even animals, is involved. Often when two different families are parenting children, there are vast differences. Children come home from one home to the other and must adjust to different rules and parenting styles.

This can really do a number on any relationship and it’s not good for the kids either. Here, the best path forward, if possible, would be to work with the ex you’re sharing custody with and see if you can work out those parenting issues, for the kids, not for your relationship. Your relationship is a side problem.

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend?

As you’ve read, there are several different situations which can place a strain on a relationship, but most of them are things you can work through if you can talk to one another.

On the other hand, your gut might be telling you it’s time to get out and you can’t find the reason in any of these situations.

In that case, it’s probably best to sit down and agree to a split. There’s no reason to be ugly or unkind to one another. You’ve just come to a point where your relationship doesn’t work any longer. The mature adult thing to do is end it well and keep a friend, or at least avoid making an enemy.

How to Get Over a Breakup

Whether you initiate the breakup or he does, there are things you’re either going through now or will go through very soon. For example, did you know that your body is addicted to love? It isn’t just the name of a song – it really happens!

He’s Gone Now What provides you the tools to heal and move forward into a new relationship in a healthy and confident way. You can begin your healing journey today!

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Is He Moving Too Fast? How to Control the Pace of a Relationship

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Is he moving too fast? Can you control the pace of a relationship?

You’ve known this guy for fourteen days. He texts every day, makes future dates and even talks about a trip to Italy. You’ve already met his kids and you’re concerned that it’s a bit too early for him to meet yours.

You like him. You think. But he’s moving too fast in your opinion.

What do you do?

Here’s what most women do and why their new relationship subsequently fails. They allow a man to dictate the pace of the relationship.

Unfortunately, men’s mouths get ahead of their intentions.

I’m guilty of this myself. I think I really like a woman, so I go all in. Then, I realize suddenly that I’m headed for a serious relationship with someone I hardly know. Deep down, I know I’ve been selling her my best self and she’s never seen the not-so-great side of me.

Men panic and flake because it’s easier than backing out of the Italy trip. It happens all the time.

It’s not your fault. Your only mistake is letting him determine the pace of a relationship because you like him and you’re happy to be dating a descent guy.

The person who controls the pace of the relationship becomes the attracter. If you slow him down, he’ll be more into you because you hold power. You become a challenge and, as you know, men are competitors who strive to earn your love.

Controlling the pace of a relationship benefits you exponentially. It also becomes a test for him. If you slow things down and he gets angry at you, you just saved yourself months, maybe years, of dating a potential head case!

How Do You Slow Him Down?

Slowing him down is easy. You can use this exact template or add your own spin.

“Gregg, I’m having a ton of fun and I like you. I like the direction we are headed in, but I’ve learned that getting to know someone takes me time and I need to slow things down. Okay?”

They key element is that you tell him that you like him and that you like where you are headed and then you state your goal of slowing the pace of the relationship.

You could even kid about the psychology of guys by saying, “Jim, I’ve dated guys before who were this eager only to realize their mouths got ahead of their brains. Let’s chill a bit and take our time. Now, what movie are we watching tonight?”

This example states what you know through your own experience, gives him a nice exit to cool his jets, is humorous, and then gets right back to the fun of dating!

Either example works. Just make sure you use one and use it as soon as you wonder if he is moving too fast.

What Happens After You Tell Him He is Moving Too Fast?

A good guy gets it. He talks with himself and realize he was shooting for the stars too soon. He respects you for telling him, and he wants to up his game to keep you in his life.

The best part is other women will pale in comparison to you! You are the only one who put the brakes on his pushiness and that increases his respect for you.

Let him take the reigns again. It’s okay. You’ve exercised your power and now you can let him continue making plans alongside you. If he still pushes to meet your kids, smile and let him know now is not the time, but maybe soon.

What are the stages of a relationship?

Summary | How to Control the Pace of a Relationship

This is one of the many attraction principles that reel in a guy like a cat to tuna. Few women realize that controlling the pace of the relationship helps attract the man into your life not out.

Controlling the dance is a way of expressing confidence and establishing boundaries with someone you’re interested in.

The next time a guys mouth gets ahead of his intentions, you know what to do!

Communication is everything in all of your relationships, personal or professional. Learn the best communication skills right here – how to listen, how to talk to people with different communication styles, and most importantly, how to get what you want from a conversation while giving the other person what they want too. Get your copy today!

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How to Save a Relationship That’s on the Edge

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You once had a great relationship, but now it’s flittering on the edge and you want to know how to save a relationship that’s about to fall apart.

Gone are the days when he would call and you’d talk into the wee hours of the morning. Also gone are the moments when you see him and you get that fluttery feeling in your stomach.

He feels distant now and you’re afraid you’re losing him. What can you do? Before we dive into that, let’s first determine if your relationship is worth saving.

What You’ll Find Here

Is This Relationship Worth Saving?
Save a Relationship by Pulling Back a Little
Focus on the Positive
Work on Yourselves Individually
Learn how to Disagree
Plan a Regular Date Night
Celebrate the Wins
Learn One Another’s Love Languages
Keep the Attraction Alive
Dig Up Something Fun You Did Together Previously
Try New Things Together
Take Mini-Vacations – Separately
See a Counselor or Therapist
How Can You Save a Relationship?

Is This Relationship Worth Saving?

Not every relationship has what it takes to succeed. Some are just too unhealthy to be rescued. How do you know which you have?

When Not to Save a Relationship | There is Abuse

I don’t care what someone tells you, you never deserve to be physically, sexually, or emotionally abused. Not ever. Period.

If you’re in a relationship where you’re being hurt in one of those ways, you need to find a safe and sure way to extract yourself.

One or Both of You Are Addicts

If one or both of you are battling an addiction, that should be your focus, not rescuing your relationship. Right now, you’re not good for each other. You might be again someday, but recovery is a long and difficult road, often taking a year or more.

All your time and attention should go toward being well. Even if you aren’t the one battling an addiction, you’re being negatively impacted and you should seek professional assistance to work on being whole again.

You Probably Can’t Save a Relationship if It’s too Young

A young relationship that feels like it’s in trouble probably can’t be rescued. Since you’re the one researching the topic, I’ll assume he’s the one pulling away.

Why do Men Pull Away?

The reason a young relationship can’t often be rescued is that you probably don’t have enough history and wonderful moments together to bond you. You haven’t had time to build enough intimacy to make the glue you need.

He’s Not There for You

In the times when you needed him most, was he there for you? And by there I mean emotionally there. Your childhood dog died and he went off to play soccer with his friends instead of staying with you.

The company you’ve worked at for ten years is shutting its doors and you’re suddenly unemployed. Is he there with encouraging words or does he ignore your texts and calls?

Sometimes there is a bigger load to carry and you want your partner to help shoulder that load. At times, he may need the support, but when it’s you, is he there?

Don’t Save a Relationship Where He’s the King of Poor Hygiene

I’m sorry but if someone doesn’t value themselves enough to do basic things like brush their teeth and take a shower, they aren’t going to value you much either.

You’re in their life for a different reason and it has nothing to do with love or mutual respect. It’s more likely that you’re cooking for him and cleaning up his Cheeto crumbs while he plays video games.

Is Your Relationship Over?

Do you think your relationship is teetering on the edge of disaster? Has he aleady left? This is a great article for sure, but there are others! Just click the button to read them.

Find more articles here...

He’s High Maintenance

We all hear about high-maintenance women, but men can be high-maintenance too.

Kim and Reggie had a good relationship until Reggie’s dad came to visit. His dad was a sweet man whose wife of forty years had just passed away after a long battle with cancer. Joe needed a distraction and Kim was happy to play hostess.

Instead, what she got was a clear view of what her future resembled. Joe’s wife had done everything for him. And I mean everything. While he was as sweet as he could be, he was also very high-maintenance. Reggie had exhibited behaviors that got on her nerves but she couldn’t put a label on them until Joe came to visit.

Reggie was every bit as high-maintenance as his dad, perhaps more so and Kim didn’t do high maintenance.

Unfortunately, after that, it was all downhill and Kim got out of the relationship.

The problem with some high-maintenance people is that they put a high value on things that often don’t matter. In that instance, you’re providing him with something that makes him feel better about himself. You’re beautiful or you make a lot of money are usually the two biggies.

For others who are high maintenance, they’re looking for a mommy. Not a mother, a mommy. Someone who will do everything for them. Cook, clean, do laundry, and so on. This guy didn’t learn how to take care of himself for one reason or another and now he’s on a quest to find that woman.

Neither relationship is based on love but on need.

A Relationship Isn’t Worth Saving if You Want or Believe in Different Things

When you first get into a relationship, you don’t discuss things like whether you want children or if you want to travel the world, live on a boat, or become the video game champion of the world.

Then, you get closer, and the relationship continues. Now, you discover that he never wants to have kids or he wants a Housefull while your desires are the opposite.

Sometimes, people change their minds, but it’s not a good idea to gamble on that happening.

If you want different things, you probably need different partners who want those things.

Values present a similar problem. You might not share all the same values, but you need to agree on the big ones, like finances, lifestyles, and family.

You’re Financially Incompatible

When one of you is a spendthrift and the other is financially responsible, things can become frustrating for both of you in a hurry.

Of course, it pays to be financially responsible, but not everyone was brought up that way. Some folks just don’t know how to do it.

You might be able to come together on this one, but it will take patience and a willingness to make big changes.

Never Save a Relationship When You’re a Secret

When a guy is in love, he wants his friends and family to meet you. Not right away, but eventually. He’s sometimes willing to share your relationship on social media.

When he keeps you a secret from those people after you’ve been together for a while, he’s most likely hiding a bigger secret, like he’s married or embarrassed by you in some way.

It’s also possible he has commitment issues, but the first is most often the case.

Your Gut Says So

You didn’t search for how to save a relationship today for no reason. Your gut is telling you something’s up.

What you’re hoping for is what you’ll find in the latter half of this article – how to save a relationship.

Meanwhile, you’ve read some of the dealbreakers above and you almost feel nauseated. That’s your sign, your gut telling you what your heart doesn’t want to hear.

Your intuition is very nearly always right, so don’t ignore it.

Do Not Save a Relationship Like This

If you experience any of these feelings, do not save a relationship:

You’re not being the best person you can be in the relationship
You don’t do things together, but instead of owning it to friends and family, you make excuses for why he’s not there
One or both of you don’t feel good enough or worthy of the other
You don’t like who you are when you’re together
You feel as if you’ve lost who you are in the relationship
The two of you no longer do things that you once enjoyed
You’d rather stick a needle in your eye than spend time with him
You give up who you are to keep him happy and avoid conflict
One or both of you no longer spend time with friends – they might see what’s wrong and ask questions

Save a Relationship by Pulling Back a Little

Yes, sometimes to get something, you must give something up. Your guy might be feeling a little smothered. Men tend to get a little spooked if the relationship is too constricting or if they feel like it’s moving too fast.

Instead, busy yourself by spending time with your friends or pursuing a hobby. I feel like a broken record when I say that because I feel like I say it all the time. Maybe I do, but it’s a true gem in the save a relationship toolbox.

Too often, people overcommit to a relationship. Attraction is exciting and you both feel this pull to one another that seems inescapable.

He’s having fun learning about you and you’re head-over-heels for him too.

The problem is that it can become smothering, especially for a guy. Guys fear losing their friendships when they’re in a relationship. It’s a cliché I suppose, but men are always afraid that once they commit to a woman, she’ll want to spend all her time with him.

This isn’t a healthy relationship. Healthy is when you both spend time with your outside interests as well as with one another. Even when you’re married, you should maintain outside friendships and hobbies that pull you away from one another. It helps you appreciate your time together that much more.

Focus on the Positive

It’s easy to get bogged down in the negatives of any situation, and negativity breeds, so once you find one negative thing, others seem to stand out. The next thing you know, your whole life is full of negativity, and you can’t see the positive.

Instead, try focusing on the positive things. Appreciate one another. If he does something nice, instead of finding the one tiny thing wrong with what he did, find something nice to say, “Wow, Bob! The lawn looks great and I appreciate how you trimmed up to the flower gardens without ruining the flowers.” Don’t mention the 1” wide, 6” strip of the lawn he missed. It won’t be noticeable in a couple of days.

Everyone likes to feel appreciated. Both positivity and negativity breed themselves, so if you switch from negative to positive, it will help shift the general mood of your relationship.

If you struggle to find the positive, try keeping a gratitude journal. Find things to be grateful for. During COVID, maybe it was toilet paper. Now, I’m grateful if I find gasoline that’s under $3.50 a gallon!

Save a Relationship by Working on Yourselves Individually

To be great partners, you must maintain your individuality and be strong as individuals. To do so, spend some time getting back in touch with who you are. We’re constantly changing as individuals, but sometimes, we don’t take the time to note those changes and how they might impact our lives.

You don’t need to separate to do this, but you do need to be honest with one another. When you’re both happy, or at least not arguing and throwing things at one another, sit down and talk about your relationship and your need to reconnect with yourself.

Let him know you want to spend some time on yourself and ask him if he’d like to do so as well. Things to do during this time might include:

Evaluating your core values and evaluating whether you’re living by them
Reviewing your boundaries and establishing new ones where necessary
Examining how much time you spend on self-care and perhaps adding more
Looking at how your friendships outside your relationship are faring and where you might find new friends
Excavating old hobbies or finding new ones to keep you busy; perhaps finding a hobby you can blend in with one of his

Save a Relationship by Learning How to Disagree

There’s fighting and there’s bickering. The difference is in how dirty you play.

When you fight, you play dirty. You’re name-calling and pulling out the most hurtful criticisms you can find. You’re intentionally trying to hurt the other person.

Bickering is different. Bickering means you don’t agree with something and you go back and forth on it, but you don’t allow the disagreement to dissolve into petty old hurts.

The challenge with a disagreement isn’t in the disagreement itself but in whether you resolve it. Leaving issues unresolved means they’ll come up again, and each time they rear their ugly heads, it’s a little worse because it’s like a festering wound. It just sits there and goes from bad to worse without any attention.

A little bickering is healthy. You aren’t always going to agree on everything, and if you are, someone isn’t being genuine.

Once you realize you have a disagreement brewing, stop. It might be helpful to create a funny sound or establish a funny word you use when you find yourself bickering.

This helps to quickly diffuse the situation. From there, sit down and listen to one another. Allow him to speak without forming your own statement until he’s done. Once he’s done, you state your position. Speak without malice or meanness. Your goal is to resolve the issue, not make things worse.

Most of the time, people just want to be heard. You want him to know where you’re coming from and he wants the same. It’s in the calm of the discussion that you find a resolution, and that’s the important thing.

Plan a Regular Date Night

This is one of the best things you can do for your relationship. Life gets crazy and you may find yourselves being pulled in different directions. If you have a weekly date night already penciled in on your calendar, you automatically have time for one another.

Many people put this on their calendar and it’s an immovable object. Nothing can supersede date night, except possibly a medical emergency.

When you’re enjoying date night, you have a few goals:

Avoid technology as much as possible unless one of you is on call or there are babysitters involved
No discussion of hot-point topics is allowed
Try to stay away from heavy-duty work stuff as much as possible
You each choose where you go or what you do on alternating weeks
Your focus is on your relationship and one another

Date night is a chance to check in and make sure things are bumping along as smoothly as possible. If you have something serious or heavy to discuss, maybe save it for when your “date” is over. This can be a time to address potential problems and deal with them before they get worse.

Save a Relationship by Celebrating the Wins

Your guy got a promotion. That’s worth at least his favorite cookies, if not his favorite meal or dinner out at his favorite place. There are plenty of opportunities to celebrate one another and any accomplishments you might enjoy.

If it’s been a dull week, celebrate not turning anything pink while doing the laundry or the fact that the dog did all her business outside.

Make this something fun you do together. It’s not a daily thing, or it becomes routine or boring, but maybe once a week or at the least, once every couple of weeks.

This goes along with focusing on the positives. Sometimes, there are just crappy weeks, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t something you can celebrate.

This helps both partners feel heard and validated instead of ignored and dismissed. Stay tuned in to what’s going on in his life so you can plan for these little celebratory moments. Not every celebration needs a special meal, but they all require acknowledgment and a tiny celebration dance if nothing else.

Learn One Another’s Love Languages

Gary Chapman did the world of love a big favor when he wrote The Five Love Languages. Essentially, what he defined are five ways in which we all best receive love.

If you each take a few moments to take the quiz on his website, you can discover your love languages.

This enables you to speak to your partner and show love to one another in the way you best receive it. For example, if your partner’s love language is touch, you can show your love for him by holding his hand or providing a gentle touch on his arm. They’re small things that mean so much.

Knowing how you each best receive love helps you show one another in meaningful ways just how much you care.

Save a Relationship by Keeping the Attraction Alive

When was the last time you just gave your guy a peck on the cheek for no reason? When did you last hold hands?

Affection is something that’s all hot and heavy in the early stages of a relationship but tends to fall off as the relationship ages.

But it doesn’t need to. Let him know you’re still attracted to him. Sometimes I hear from women who think they have the market cornered on not feeling as if their partner is still attracted to them.

Men feel this too. Smack him gently on the behind from time to time. Whisper something sexy in his ear when you’re out with his friends. Wear that sexy black number that he loves so much.

He needs to feel that you’re as attracted to him as he is to you.

Dig Up Something Fun You Did Together Previously

Dating is all about finding out more about one another. The more you date, the more you discover. There are some activities you did together that were tons of fun and you still remember them months or years later.

Dig up one of those activities. Go hiking in the woods or rock climbing. Rent a canoe and spend an afternoon on the water. Go watch a cheesy horror flick or revisit that milkshake shop you both loved.

These activities help you focus on one another and your relationship, if only for a little while. They also conjure up fond memories of something you shared previously. Those memories are valuable. I like to call them pennies in the jar. The more of them you have, the better your relationship.

Those types of moments build intimacy. Many believe, and even say someone was intimate as another word for sex but think about it. Hookups aren’t intimate. Moments you share with your guy where you both end up laughing hard, or tender moments shared doing something together are intimacy.

Save a Relationship by Trying Something New Together

While resurrecting an old activity is a great way to build intimacy, so is trying something new. Exploring something new or trying something one or both of you are fearful of is another way to bring you closer.

These activities put you in a similar place of feeling adventurous and sometimes a little nervous. You share those feelings and you overcome them together.

You can extend this into trying a new hobby together or combining one of your hobbies with one of his. One of you cooks and the other likes to blog and voila, you have a cooking blog. He might love old cars and you love photography so now you can go to antique car shows and museums and take photos.

These activities also put pennies in that jar for you and are great for relationship-building.

Take Mini-Vacations – Separately

You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. In this instance, absence gives you both time to move past whatever is bothering you. One or both of you are harboring negative feelings about your relationship right now and the distance will help you in a few ways.

First, it gives you time to assess the situation without living through it 24/7. With distance, you often gain clarity. You can see how your own actions and his are negatively impacting the situation.

Next, it allows you both to cool off. Don’t leave out of anger or leave abruptly. Agree to take a short break from one another with the understanding that you want to work on yourselves. During that time, whatever anger was lingering is likely to fade and a clearer head can prevail.

Additionally, once you cool off, your rational mind can kick in, which is an impossibility if you’re both angry, or otherwise emotional. Your mind can’t function rationally when you’re feeling overly emotional, so this gives you a chance to gain that clarity.

And finally, once you’ve both cooled off, assessed the situation, and done some thinking about one another, you’ll likely miss each other again. That’s when you know you’re ready to rediscover one another.

Save a Relationship by Seeing a Counselor or Therapist

Not everyone is open to seeing someone, but if you’ve tried the steps above and nothing good has come of it, and you both are invested in saving the relationship, then your next bet is professional help.

Professionals are objective. They’re not friends and family who have an emotional investment in one or both of you. Counselors also have experience and a whole lot of college under their belts. They’ve seen this before and they know just how to help.

If your guy refuses to seek professional help, you can go by yourself. We can always benefit from the advice of someone in the know. They can help point out things that we don’t see in ourselves and that our friends are too afraid to point out.

How Can You Save a Relationship?

Just like it takes two of you to make a great relationship, it will take both of you to save a relationship.

Never try to discuss something while one or both of you are angry. No good will come from that. Ever. Instead, give one another distance to cool down. Go for a run or head out for a window-shopping excursion with a friend. When you come back together, calmly discuss the problem.

I never suggest sitting down to discuss something when emotions are high. As I just said above, your mind can’t work with rational thought processes if you’re too emotional. The emotions overrun those logical thoughts.

You both must want to save the relationship and if one of you doesn’t, it’s time to consider splitting up, at least for a while.

You can’t force him to want to be with you. All you can do is show him how much you care. If he leaves, it’s time to change gears and work through the Five Step Process to Get Him Back, assuming you want him back that is.

*Note* There are a couple of books linked below. Pennies in the Jar is the first and is for couples who want to stay together. It provides strategies to strengthen your relationship and make it withstand the test of time.

He’s Gone Now What is the book for you if you’ve decided to end it and you want to move forward in a healthy way.

He’s Gone Now What provides you the tools to heal and move forward into a new relationship in a healthy and confident way. You can begin your healing journey today!

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Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you’ll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They’re added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

To learn more about it, click here. To purchase the book, click one of the buttons below.

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How to be a Good Girlfriend

Find Happily Ever After

How to be a Good Girlfriend

I received an email from Mary the other day, and her question was how to be a good girlfriend. She and her boyfriend Ben have been together for three years and things are great but her question is a great one so let’s dig in and find the answer!

While it might not seem important to ask about being a good girlfriend or boyfriend when things are going well, the truth is that it’s the perfect time! Don’t allow your relationship to slide into autopilot. That’s when things can quickly decline!

How to be a Good Girlfriend | Like What He Likes

When you share a hobby your boyfriend has, a strange thing happens. He begins to equate his love of his hobby with his love for you. The love deepens.

You don’t need to show an interest in every hobby, just one or two. You don’t even need to be good at it, just learn about it and show you’re intrigued.

I’m really excited about my new RV. It’s my mobile office and is wrapped with one of my best-selling books. I call it the “G-Rex.”

I tinker with the electronics and keep upgrading the lithium power. I installed new tables that I probably don’t need. What does my girlfriend do? She comes out, sits inside, and asks questions.

That excites me! I look forward to her visits and enjoy teaching her how the systems work, and I listen to her input on how we can make it better for when we travel.

This forms a bond between us and we grow together.

Now, are there activities that we do not share together? Of course, and that’s okay too.

Learn to Compromise

Man, I wish couples would do more of this. Instead, I see both sides holding their ground like it’s a competition. To be a good girlfriend, learn to compromise from time to time to avoid building contempt and bitterness.

Your guy loves watching football on Sunday. You hate it. Ask yourself why you hate it, and you’ll find your answer. I realized my girlfriend hated it because she didn’t understand it, so I broke out the laser pointer and explained it to her.

Guess what? Now, she loves it!

Maybe your reasons are different. You have separation anxiety and football Sunday means your guy is over his friend’s house. A reasonable compromise might be to encourage him to have his friends come to your house. Take interest. Learn the sport. Entice him with food!

If it’s still a no-go, he needs to learn compromise.

Pay Attention to How You Act in Public

One great way to be a good girlfriend is to avoid airing your dirty laundry in public.

I know a woman who finds pleasure airing her distain for her husband to her friends while they’re together in public. Really? How do you think he feels when this happens?

This is the fast lane to a breakup. We all have our gripes, but they should be discussed and resolved in private. Humiliating your guy in front of others or on social media is hurtful and will only lead to contempt.

Learn His Love Language

Gary Chapman gave us all a wonderful gift. Use it! If touch is his love language, then touch him more often. Give him massages out of the blue or grab his hand when you are walking.

This is an easy way to be a great girlfriend he’ll want to stay with!

I see couples who are constantly swimming upstream trying to get along when the answers are right in front of them. Ask yourself the most basic question – what does he like? What does he need? What is his love language?

Instead, women (and men) are fixated on what they need and not their partner. Stop this. Relationships only work when each person understands what the other person needs to feel happy and satisfied and takes steps to fulfill these needs.

How to Be a Good Girlfriend | Stand by Him

This one can get tricky when it comes to family. Uncle Joe might take issue with your boyfriend’s politics. How you react goes a long way towards being a good girlfriend.

I’ll argue that you probably spend a lot more time with your boyfriend than Uncle Joe so it would behoove you to support him while in Uncle Joe’s presence, even if you disagree with said politics.

Supporting him doesn’t mean that you need to always agree with him. Maintaining your own set of values is key to a healthy relationship. It’s when outsiders, even family, attempt to throw a wrench between you that you need to stand up for him.

That makes you a good girlfriend!

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Give Him His Space

Let him go golfing. Let him go out with his friends. Too many women lock down their guy.

Why? They don’t trust! They need to be with their guy every free minute!

If you don’t have trust, you’re doomed anyway, so why bother. Let him have some fun away from you. He’ll appreciate you. He’ll be excited to get back to you AND he will have fun stories to tell you.

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And this applies to you when you go have fun with your friends. Anticipation of seeing each other is a great feeling and adds layers and layers of positivity to your relationship!

How to be a Good Girlfriend Summary

There are so many ways to be a good girlfriend. Sit down and make your own list and have your guy make his how to be a good boyfriend list too. Make a date of it. Then, check things off each other’s list as he or she fulfills them.

You can even add to each other’s list – who better knows how they would like to be treated!

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What Turns on A Guy? 20 Turn ons That Will Drive Him Nuts

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Ever wonder how some women just seem to turn on any man they’re around? They also seem to have the pick of the litter when it comes to guys.

I’ll bet they exude many of these turn ons for guys.

What Turns on a Guy You’re Trying to Meet?

Giving Him Attention

Looking at a guy and making eye contact is a major turn on. Don’t just look at him. Look at him, smile, and hold the look longer than might seem comfortable.

He’ll look away and look back if he’s interested. You can also look away and look back again. It’s a very powerful move.

Approaching Him
Yep, I said it, walk right up to him and say, ”Hi.” You don’t need any special line, just say hi with a smile, then say, “My friends thought you were cute and made me walk up to you.” Or something fun like that!

Lose the fear of rejection and just do it. No big deal. I’ll argue, a million people who should have met last night didn’t because one of them didn’t have the guts to say hi to other.

Placing a Note in His Hand
Walk by on your way to the lady’s room and place a note in his hand. “I think you’re cute” will work or “Come say hi” does the trick too.

No guy wants to get shot down in front of his buddies, so this move is powerful. It says you’re interested and puts him in a good position in front of his friends.

Keeping Great Posture

Don’t slouch. Ninety percent of all communication is non-verbal, so use it to your advantage. Stand up straight with your shoulders square to him. This tells him that you are confident, interested, and curious.

Squaring your shoulders toward him also sends a signal that he is the most important thing in the room, to you.

Use this body language tip to notice which men may be looking your way with their shoulders squared toward you. He’s interested!

Asking Questions

You know guys love talking about themselves, so ask questions that get to his passions. “So, Jeff, what gets your juices flowing?”

He’ll go on and on and give you all kinds of new info to expand on. Show interest in his passions and he will start to equate you with what he loves.

Getting Him to Pursue You

If a guy doesn’t begin to pursue you, move on to the next guy. But, if you are doing the above, he’ll want to pursue you. Let him. It’s how men work best.

When he texts, delay a little. When he sets a date, show interest but change it to your time and your liking. Be kind and polite.

Learn How to Turn On a Guy Through Text

What’ll happen? He’ll want you even more because he now knows that you’re busy and he’s not yet a priority and now he wants to be.

What turns on a guy sexually

Giving Him a Massage

Man, if I get a massage from a woman, I go nuts! Foot massage, back massage, I don’t care. Touch is very important to guys whose love language is touch.

One key tip: do it without asking for reciprocation. Later, you’ll get your massage too.

Going Commando

When you’re out on a date with that slinky black dress, whisper in his ear and tell him you have nothing but bear skin down there. This will get his mind and other body parts excited!

Say this while you’re at the restaurant when he knows he has to wait until later discover more. The anticipation to get you on the couch will drive him nuts.

Doing Him in The Car

Do him in the car, against the wall, on the counter or on the piano. Anywhere that’s outside the bedroom is a huge turn on for a guy! We also like semi-public places too. My girl and I did it at 30K feet in a plane. We got scolded but we will always remember that awesome turn on.

Watching Porn Together

Porn watched together is a wonderful turn on for both of you. Even a sexy chick flick will get the job done for most men. Wear some sexy lingerie for bonus points.

Masturbating in Front of Him

I’m getting turned on just writing this stuff! You can even start in the bedroom without him. He’ll be joining you in no time.

Sending Him an Audio Recording of You Masturbating

This is better than sexting, in my opinion, and I know guys who would agree. This allows us to use our imaginations about you are doing.

Turn Ons for Guys Long Term

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Let’s not just think about meeting and dating a man turn ons, there are key turn ons that guarantee that you keep your man for good.

Keeping an Active Social Life

Never make your guy your hobby like many women do. Instead, keep a social life outside your relationship. This keeps you happy and full of new stories to talk about with him. This also keeps the challenge going and helps you remain a little mysterious.

“Where is she right now and who is she with?” Do this and you will always keep him hooked.

Changing Your Look

When you come home with a brand new haircut, he is going to shake his head in a good way. He’ll wonder what the heck you will do next. Why does this work? Guys fantasize about screwing different women and now you become that different woman.

Changing Your Routine

He thinks you are a Starbucks chick, and you start going to Dunkin Donuts. He thinks you hang with one group of friends and now you have a new bunch of girlfriends. You zig when he zags.

This becomes a turn on because he thinks he has you all figured out. Ask him this after you bring home four shelter cats to babysit for a week!

Giving Him Space

I call this perceived freedom. Allow him to go golfing for the weekend while you do the same with your friends.

Guys like to believe that they can survive without you and they like to show this to their friends. They’re wrong of course, but give him his perceived freedom once in a while.

This keeps him happy. My friend Ted was never allowed to even see his friends once he got married. Can you imagine? They got divorced last year. Give your guy some space.

Laying on Him

Odd huh? I have interviewed many men along my years and they like this one. They love when a woman lies on their back or falls asleep on their lap.

I’m not sure why. I guess we feel like we are protecting our gal from the outside evils – that nothing can come between us.

It just feels good.

Competing with Him

I like this one. Guys love competition so bring it into your relationship. Tell him that you will kick his ass in a sprint or at mini golf.

My girl and I compete when we go grocery shopping. We each have a separate cart and our own list and we see who can get it done and get to the register before the other.

It’s fun and I love it.

Oozing Confidence

If you read any of my international best sellers, you know that confidence comes first, then the man. By keeping your friends, hobbies and passions you grow your confidence.

This allows you to set boundaries that no one can touch – even your man. He knows that if he were to disrespect you, you’d be gone in a NY minute.

This also makes your time valuable. You don’t have time for people in your life who are Debbie downers, including him if he heads in that direction. You’re a team and you work together, not against.

Building Great Memories Together

This might sound obvious as a turn on, but you would be surprised at how many couples stop compiling memories. They start to fight over kids and money instead.

This is why I create date night ideas for couples. You must continue to grow as a couple, or you will be toast. Work together on your bucket list and he will be turned on forever!

Turn Ons for Guys Conclusion

From the very moment you see that cute guy in the corner to your 50^th wedding anniversary years later – these are the things that keep your man turned on.

It’s easy to overlook them, if you do, you might start blaming yourself for your relationship failures. Don’t! Keep this list of how to turn a guy on in your head and start following through tonight.

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BUY NOW IN THE UK

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

To learn more about it, click here. To purchase the book, click one of the buttons below.

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