How to Keep a Man Interested
Knowing how to keep a man interested is like having a big pot of relationship gold at your disposal. You develop a set of golden tools and then use them when necessary. The problem is that if you’ve been in a few failed relationships, you might not feel like you can get those tools or are worthy of using them.
I’m here to tell you that you are worthy of using those tools and are about to discover just what they are!
In This Article
Develop and Maintain Your Independence
Let Him Be Your Hero
Become Interested in His Interested
Make Sure to Appreciate Him
Give Him His Space
Maintain a Healthy Social Life Outside of the Relationship
Don’t Be In a Relationship Too Soon
Keep Things Fun and Playful
Keep the Mystery Alive
Don’t Punish Him for Not Being a Woman
Take Over in the Bedroom
Never Stop Flirting
Don’t Play Hard to Get
Be a Challenge, but Not Too Much
How to Keep a Man Interested | Be Confident
Confidence is key. Without building your confidence, you stand zero chance of using these tools. Like attracts like, which means that if you want to attract a wonderful, confident man, you need to be a confident woman.
Past relationship failures, childhood traumas, and other setbacks in life all cause your confidence to take a nosedive. It’s also possible that your confidence is greater in some areas of your life than in others.
Confidence is your belief in your ability to do something.
With this definition, you can see that you can be very confident in your job and hobbies but have little to no confidence in your ability to choose great men.
Develop and Maintain Your Independence
Being an independent woman prepares you to be one half of a successful relationship. But what does it mean to be independent?
Independence, of course, is when you rely on yourself for your needs. You earn money to support yourself and buy the things you need.
But independence goes further because it’s an emotional state as well.
Healthy relationships are interdependent, which means you each do what you feel is best for the other. This differs from a dependent relationship, where you both rely on one another for happiness.
Dependence or Co-Dependence
In a co-dependent relationship, you’re emotionally reliant on one another. Your mood is subject to his or vice versa. If he isn’t happy, you aren’t satisfied.
While a small amount of dependence is needed in a relationship, many relationships have too much. To make your relationship work, you depend on your partner to do his part. That’s healthy dependence.
Unhealthy dependence is when you’re emotionally dependent on him. You need to know what he’s doing all the time. Your mood is determined by his. He needs to know where you are at all times.
Like dependence, there is such a thing as enough independence and too much. If there’s too much independence in your relationship, meaning both of you are completely autonomous, your connection will feel uncoordinated and detached.
And yet, you should maintain a level of independence that allows you each to hang out with your friends without worrying about the other. At the end of the evening, you come back together as a united front.
This is the holy grail of relationships. When you’re interdependent, you’re working together for the common good. What you do is for the benefit of you and your partner. You share a common set of principles and goals. Your healthy dependence and independence are woven together to form a mutually loving and beneficial relationship.
The trick is that you must be independent to be in an interdependent relationship. You cannot be in an interdependent relationship if either of you is dependent.
It’s so easy to overshare early in a relationship. You’re essentially trying to sell yourself to this new person, especially if you are immediately attracted to him.
This need to prove you’re worthy of him can backfire on you if you aren’t careful.
Men date to have fun, not to find a wife, at least not at first. Part of that fun is learning about you. The trick is to leave him wanting more, not saturated with every single fact about your life in two hours.
It’s cliché but peel the onion slowly. Show him one layer at a time, maybe not even an entire layer. Each time you’re together, share something new, but not the whole kit and kaboodle.
Be especially careful in online dating environments where you text and email before you meet. While he may pepper you with questions, you don’t need to answer them all, nor should you, for various reasons.
When your date is over, hint at a tidbit of information you might share next time, “I had a wonderful time tonight. Maybe next time, I’ll tell you how I backpacked across Europe after my sophomore year of college.”
It doesn’t need to be that dramatic or exciting, “Next time we’re together, maybe we can go hiking! I bet I can beat you to the top of the steps at the dam!”
Doing this keeps you interesting and mysterious to him. He’ll be beyond excited about your next date.
How to Keep a Man Interested | Trigger His Hero Instinct
This one comes up frequently on this site because it’s a big deal and an essential key to successful relationships.
I know you’re a successful woman who doesn’t need a man to rescue her, but evolution hasn’t caught up, and men still have a need to save you. So, I’m asking, no, I might be begging you to let him be your hero.
His need to protect you is ingrained deep inside him and essential to his role in your relationship. It’s okay to be that woman who doesn’t need to be rescued, but that doesn’t mean you can’t allow it anyway.
Let him help you with something difficult, and appreciate his effort when he does. Understand that most men show their love, rather than stating it, so when he fixes your flat tire or the leak under your sink, it’s his way of saying he cares.
You won’t lose face by allowing him to help you, but you will gain more of his love for you.
It’s easy, especially early in a relationship, to want to put your best foot forward. You might work so hard on being nice all the time, though, that you put him off.
Everyone has a bad day from time to time, and it’s okay to own that and show how you feel. Of course, you can’t be mean or frustrated all the time, any more than you can be nice all the time.
The point is to let him see who you are. If you’re frustrated, talk it over with a girlfriend first, but don’t be afraid to share it with him after some energy has burned off. Men can’t handle your emotions if they’re too much. But if you release that first-off energy with a girlfriend first, you won’t be as emotional, and he can manage the conversation.
Don’t try to be who you think he wants you to be. Be yourself. The real you will shine through at some point anyway, and he may as well see it sooner than later.
How to Keep a Man Interested | Become Interested in His Interests
You should have hobbies, and if he’s a well-rounded man, he has hobbies and interests too. For the sake of discussion, let’s imagine that he’s interested in vintage cars. While that might not initially be interesting, you can still learn about vintage cars.
The next time you’re together, you can say something like, “When I was driving to work last week, I saw the most gorgeous ’57 Chevy. He had the top down, and it looked awesome!”
When a man has a passion, and you show an interest in it, he’ll transfer his passion for that thing to you. In other words, he’ll love you like he loves vintage cars.
To make things even more fun, combine one of your passions or hobbies with his. If you love photography, go to car shows and take pictures of the vintage cars he loves.
This shows him you understand him, which is something he craves, whether he knows it or not. Be sure to ask questions and when his birthday rolls around, get him a great book on restoring vintage cars or something related to his passion.
Make Sure to Appreciate Him
Earlier, I said men show their love and that you should appreciate their efforts. This is a bigger deal than you think. While it’s cliché to imagine that the woman is always the one who’s underappreciated in the relationship, men want that too.
When he mows the lawn for you, instead of focusing on that strip of grass he missed along the side of the house; thank him for mowing in the heat or after a long day at work. You can show appreciation by giving him a bottle of his favorite beer or cooking his favorite cookies or meal.
All he wants from you is genuine appreciation, just like you. If he does something for you, he wants to know that he did a good job.
How to Keep a Man Interested | Give Him His Space
Many women are nurturers, and that nurturing spirit can sometimes cause problems. You’re good at picking up cues and noticing that your guy is feeling slightly down. That nurturing thing inside you desperately wants to know what’s wrong so you can help him, but he doesn’t want your help, at least not yet.
Men aren’t raised to manage difficult emotions, which is why they can’t handle yours. The only acceptable emotion for men is anger, and you don’t want to stir that inadvertently.
When he’s experiencing something difficult, let him go through it in his own way. Instead of forcing him to share, let him be. If he needs to spend a few days locked in the garage with his tools, let him. He’s working it out.
If you allow him to sort through it on his own first, he’ll most likely share at least some of it with you later. If you want to know how to keep a man interested, know that you must be patient and avoid the urge to push him to share this with you.
Maintain a Healthy Social Life Outside the Relationship
Lower-confidence women often bail on all their outside friendships and hobbies and go all-in when they’re in a relationship.
Don’t do this! Instead, maintain those friendships. Keep that hobby. Continue to do the things you did before you met him. If you take a Yoga class twice a week, keep going. If you teach a knitting class on Saturday mornings at the Senior Center, keep teaching it.
This accomplishes two things. It keeps you busy and allows him to chase you a bit, and it also gives you a retreat when he’s working through that emotional stuff you just read about.
If he wants to go out with his friends, you can do the same without guilt or remorse. At the end of the evening, you come back together, even if just by text or a phone call, to say goodnight.
Spending time apart makes your time together that much more special for both of you. He’ll appreciate that you aren’t one of those women who never lets a guy have any fun.
How to Keep a Man Interested | Don’t Be in a Relationship Too Soon
Remember earlier when I said men date to have fun? Well, they also are slower to want to commit to a relationship.
A confident woman knows a few things about dating:
- Any man who dates you is lucky
- You are the chooser, not grateful to be chosen
- You aren’t desperate to find a guy; the right one will come along
A man commits to a relationship and falls in love when he suddenly realizes that he’d rather be with you than his friends. It doesn’t mean he’ll stop spending time with his friends; he shouldn’t, but he’s less likely to run off every Saturday.
Meanwhile, your job is to avoid tallying milestones and forcing him to commit before he’s ready. Don’t listen to the voice inside that’s telling you he isn’t interested in you because he chose a football game over antiquing.
That’s your low confidence talking, so give it the boot. This is why I said having high confidence is critical in finding a great man. While that little voice might speak, a confident woman knows not to listen.
Don’t consider yourself in a relationship until you know you’re compatible and he’s proven his worth in your life. Spend time talking about what you want, long-term, and ensure you’re both on the same page. Then, a commitment makes more sense.
How to Keep a Man Interested | Keep Things Fun and Playful
Remember, men, date to have fun. Instead of choosing dinner dates in stuffy restaurants, go for a hike, out on a boat, bowling, or to a sporting event. Find a place where you can go rock climbing or find a zipline.
These types of dates accomplish a couple of things. First and foremost, you’re having fun together. Secondly, you’re building intimacy.
And last, you’re having fun! Dating is about learning new things about one another to see if you fit. The best way to do that is by experiencing different things together. You learn how he handles adversity, how competitive he is, and how well he supports you when you’re staring down a fear.
If your relationship continues long-term, so does the fun! It becomes more critical. The daily grind becomes a part of your life together, and settling into comfortable routines is easy. By continuing to explore fun activities together, you build intimacy and appreciate one another.
Keep the Mystery Alive
Mystery in a relationship is like a life preserver to a drowning man. It’s necessary to survival. Surprise him from time to time with something new or different. Change your hairstyle or color. Get a new sexy dress to wear on a formal date. Change which flavor of ice cream you like or where you go to get coffee every morning.
I know two young women who took up sewing and quilting during the recent pandemic. In both instances, their boyfriends were mesmerized by how they took tiny pieces of fabric and sewed them together into a large cuddly blanket. This is mystery. Both men can’t wait to see what the next project is!
Don’t Punish Him for Not Being a Woman
Men and women are different in almost every aspect. We communicate differently. We love differently, and we manage emotions differently.
You’ve already read some of that above. Still, you may inadvertently punish him because he isn’t a woman. Because he doesn’t say “I love you” with words but with his actions instead.
Don’t punish him because he answers your 50-word text with three words. That’s how men communicate. Instead, learn to understand men.
How to Keep a Man Interested | Take Over in the Bedroom
Sometimes, a man enjoys it when you take charge. Be sure not to allow your sex life to become too dull and routine. Spice things up from time to time by suggesting new positions or toys.
Scour the internet to find ideas on changing things from time to time. Learning how to maintain a healthy sex life is one way to learn how to keep a man interested for sure!
You can find some great date night ideas, as well as some sex games here.
Never Stop Flirting with Him
Flirting is an integral part of the attraction. It shows him you’re still interested in him and keeps him interested in you! Find some interesting pickup lines to use on him, even if you’re living together. Spend five minutes pretending you aren’t.
Use body language, like making eye contact and smiling at him from across the room. You can also flip your hair or play with your necklace, which focuses his attention on you.
Another way to flirt is to be witty. Men love intelligent, witty women, and it’s within your power to be that girl. If you don’t think you’re very witty, watch some comedians and look for ways in which they deliver a line, and even for some funny lines you can use.
One of my favorites is when I see someone eating sushi, “A skilled veterinarian could bring that back to life.” It’s funny and catches them off guard.
Even standard pickup lines that men use are funny when you use them because it’s unexpected.
Don’t Play Hard to Get or Be Afraid of Commitment
The opposite of jumping into thinking you’re in a relationship too soon is being afraid of commitment.
If you find a man who’s ready to commit, the last thing you want to do is be afraid of the same. Settle this before you go off searching for Mr. Wonderful. If you’ve snagged him and you’re here because you want to learn how to keep a man interested, I suggest you take a little time to settle it now.
Many people think they want a commitment until they’re staring down the face of one; then, their fear of commitment grips them and forces a standoff. Either you face the fear of commitment, or you run. Fight or flight, love style.
Look back on past relationships to determine if this is an issue for you. When things got close to commitment or a little past, did you feel anxious and an overwhelming need to get out? If so, you’re battling commitment issues.
Spend time looking through your past to see where those issues are rooted. Did your parents divorce, or was one married multiple times? Has man after man left you? Either or both of those will give you pause when considering a commitment.
If you’re going out there looking for a relationship, make sure you have this one worked out first.
Be a Challenge, but Not Too Much
I always encourage women to remain busy when they’re dating. Maintain your social network and hobbies. Continue with your workout program and any other activities you enjoy. Those things challenge a guy to work harder to be important in your life.
But don’t take it to an extreme. If you can’t get together with your guy when he specifies, suggest another, “I’m sorry, Mike. I have a Zumba class after work tonight. Can we go to the movie on Thursday instead? I’ll even buy the popcorn!” This tells him you’re interested in him, but you have plans.
That’s being a challenge in a good way. Putting a guy off time after time without suggesting another time to meet is playing hard to get, and that’s a game you will lose.
How to Keep a Man Interested in You
These techniques will all help you know how to keep a man interested in you. You might not need them all, but most come straight out of regular life, so I’m sure you’ll find them all helpful.
Just remember, this isn’t game playing. It’s life. These are all techniques to stick away in that toolbox. Pull one out as needed, but don’t feel you need to use one every day.
Your relationship may purr along pretty well most of the time. Use these for when things feel a little rocky.
Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you'll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They're added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.
Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!
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