I WANT TO CHANGE MY LIFE
You know you need to make some changes in your life and you’ve decided to consider confidence coaching! Below are some great articles, books and other bits of information that will help you on your journey.
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Guest Post Written By Lana Otoya Lana is a professional dating coach for successful women at Millennialships.com. She helps successful and confident women meet successful and confident men.When you...
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You’ve landed here because you understand something many people never figure out but most should – you need confidence coaching.
Kudos to you for knowing that we all need this in our lives from time to time. Your confidence varies across different areas of your life, and also across time.
You might be very confident in your career, something you’ve worked your entire adult life to build, but when it comes to dating and finding a great guy, your confidence is much lower.
This is very normal and something I see almost every day from women just like you! You are not alone!
What Is Confidence Anyway?
I think before we can talk about confidence coaching, it’s important to understand the definition of confidence and the role it plays in your life.
Merriam-Webster defines confidence in this way:
a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances;
faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper or effective way
What the heck does that mean? It means you believe in your ability to accomplish something or to react effectively in a certain situation. If we look at defining confidence where dating is concerned, confidence is your feeling that you can navigate the dating scene and find the great man you’re looking for.
But, like most women, I’m guessing you’ve been there, tried that and your confidence to do that is wavering. You’ve kissed more than your share of frogs and you’re sick of the slimy residue they’re leaving behind in your life!
Living a confident live means having a positive attitude, knowing what you’re capable of and how to use those skills, having dreams and pursuing them and being patient enough to go for long-term gratification over short-term thrills.
Your Inner Game
I like to refer to your beliefs about yourself as your inner game or your atttiude about yourself. Many are not fully aware of their inner game, but when they finally dial up the volume and listen, they find out that they’re living a life of negativity.
Having a positive attitude is key in being able to seek out and find a great guy. Anyone can find schmucks, but confident women find great men who will treat them like the prize they are.
When you have a positive attitude about yourself and the world around you, you see things differently. Instead of doors, you see opportunities. Instead of fears, you see challenges. Instead of mistakes you see a chance to learn.
You have many strengths, yet when negativity takes over your life, those strengths get overlooked. When your confidence is low, you don’t see or believe you have great ability in those areas.
You have done things in your life. You have accomplished stuff. You‘ve slayed more than your share of dragons already, even if you don’t see your life in that way.
Knowing yourself means looking for those victories and celebrating them. Make those victories part of your story, instead of focusing on the battles you feel you’ve lost.
Perspective is everything and learning to celebrate the scars helps you see the wonderful woman you are.
Dreaming big is only part of the equation. The other part is what you do with those dreams.
Do you believe you can have those dreams come true or do you think they’ll never happen?
Dreaming is great, doing is better. Instead of wishing for those dreams to come true, take action. Make your life what you want it to be.
With confidence, you believe in your ability to have whatever you dream of. You develop an action plan and you take the steps. You don’t try, you do. You don’t wish for it, you go after it.
Dreaming big is about tossing aside the barriers and building the life you want, one brick at a time.
Patience is Key
It’s so hard to be patient, but science even tells us to slow down. It’s been proven over and over that long-term gratification wins over short-term every time.
What does that mean? It means you don’t eat the donut because it will derail your attempt to lose weight.
It means you don’t sleep with him on the first date because you really like him and want something that will last.
It means having great, long-term goals and having the patience and self-control to go after them, instead of settling for some partial achievement.
Patience is hard to practice but worth it if you can make it happen!
Okay, So Then What is Confidence Coaching?
When you pursue confidence coaching, you’re looking for someone who can guide you along the pathway to building your confidence. You’re looking for that person who can both cheer you on and help you make course corrections when necessary.
A coach lays out the path and allows you to walk it, gently guiding you along the way with helpful advice and a steady hand. He sees the wonderful woman you are inside and helps you draw her out, little by little.
Imagine trying to learn to ride a bicycle without your parents running alongside saying, “Pedal faster! Turn those handle bars! Use your body to hold that bike up!”
That’s what confidence coaching is – it’s seeing the next step while you’re still working on mastering the last one, helping you make a smooth transition from training wheels to a two-wheeler with confidence.
How do I Know if I Need Confidence Coaching?
Most people, at some point in their lives, need confidence coaching, but I know that isn’t really an answer, so let’s dig in a little more.
You Don’t Know What to do Next – You Feel Lost
This can be a very scary feeling and very frustrating as well. In the past, you’ve tried to meet great men, but each time, or most times, you feel as if you’ve ended up with Mr. Wrong instead of Mr. Right. How do you find him? Where is he hiding? What can you do to find these great guys your friends keep finding?
First, let me assure that he’s out there and he is waiting just for you. It’s just not the right time in your life for you to meet him. Feeling this way is normal after you’ve experienced a few relationship challenges, especially if the breakup was bad.
He's Gone Now What?
If you have recently experienced a breakup, whether you initiated it or he did, this is an excellent way to begin the healing process.
Inside this book, you will find explanations for all the things you’re feeling right now and many of the behaviors you don’t really understand and can’t see to stop.
Your body may still be addicted to love, an addiction more challenging to overcome than an addiction to cocaine. It’s true!
So much is going on inside your mind and body and this book helps you sort through it, sift out the pieces of your life and put it all back together in the form of a woman who is ready to re-enter the dating scene!
Get rid of the stigma of being single. Learn instead how to embrace being single, an important step toward finding the right guy!
What? I need to embrace being single to find a great guy? Yes!
When you are content being single, you aren’t desperate to find a guy, you’re patient and willing to wait for the right guy. Desperation puts you in a frame of mind that whatever guy approaches will do. This is why you’ve settled for schmucks in the past.
Once you embrace being single and find yourself again, you’re more confident and attractive to great men! You choose instead of being grateful to be chosen!
You Don’t Have a Plan
Do you feel as if your life is on some path, but nobody told you when to turn left or right? You want to get somewhere, but you can’t seem to find the map. That’s life without a plan.
The other possibility is that you’ve pursued a plan, only to feel empty when you get to the end goal. It’s like slashing through the jungle to get to the hut, only to realize that the hut is in the opposite direction and all you’re facing is angry lions.
When you have a plan, whether it’s to find a great guy or change careers, you have clear goals, action steps and the knowledge of what’s at the end. You know about how long it will take you to get there and you’re determined to stay the course.
Confidence coaching helps you develop a plan. You determine which dreams you’re going to pursue for now and you figure out the steps you need to take to realize those goals. You celebrate milestones, make course corrections when needed and find your way to the end zone.
Comfortable in Your Own Shoes
When you don’t have a plan, it’s often because nobody has taught you how to create one. It’s like the one life skill you don’t learn in school – and the one you need the most.
Comfortable in Your Own Shoes helps you formulate that plan, and it also helps you improve that inner game you read about above, get to know yourself a little better and begin to dream big!
It was written just for you! It takes you, step-by-step through the journey of building your confidence in your own time.
When you Own Your Tomorrow, you own the world! Inside this book is your guide to taking care of one of the most important people in your life – you. This book helps you develop a plan for you!
Inside this book, you will learn how to practice self-care and get rid of the clutter that’s clogging up your life right now. Chances are, you probably don’t set aside enough time for yourself and this book shows you some amazing ways in which you can begin to do that!
How does this prepare you for love? It helps you begin to value yourself – to build your self-esteem and self-worth, as well as your confidence. It’s only when you believe you’re worthy of great things that they begin to enter your life.
Fear is real and it can paralyze you in your tracks, frustrating your efforts to get what you want out of life. Fear keeps you from trying new things, stepping outside your comfort zone and experiencing life.
Fear keeps you right where you are today. There is no growth in living through fear but tons of growth when you learn to manage and overcome fear.
Each time you face a fear, you grow, whether you’re still afraid of that spider after you touch it or not isn’t the point. The point is you did it – you faced it! Pat yourself on the back for that!
Fears creep into every area of your life and hold you hostage until you make a conscious decision – no more! Still, after making that decision, it can be difficult to push forward and actually face it down!
This is where confidence coaching can really be helpful. It’s one thing to say to yourself, “Today, I am going to speak to a stranger. I’m going to stare down my fear of talking to strangers!” Without someone standing beside you, telling you it will be okay – that you can do this, you might bail out, but a confidence coach won’t let that happen!
I am passionate about all my books, but I’m most passionate about how Live Like You’re Dying helps you embrace life and stop living in fear.
Learn how to look at your life differently – with excitement and awe instead of fear and dread. Open yourself up to new opportunities and celebrate victories.
This book helps you begin to look at life in a new way – a way that strips the fear away, sidelines your anxieties and formulates a plan for moving forward.
You Want an Outside Opinion
Sometimes, you just need someone to tell you that you are indeed on the right path. You need someone to check in with from time to time, someone who has an honest, objective opinion.
Your friends and family love you very much, but their advice can often be more directed at protecting you than helping you. They mean well, but they’re not really helping.
A confidence coach isn’t emotionally invested like friends and family and he’s able to see things you can’t because you’re too close. He provides an unbiased look into what’s going on in your life and is able to point you in the direction of the proper tools to help you achieve your goals!
You Want a Great Guy but You Just Can’t Seem to Find Him
Mr. Right isn’t as elusive as you think he is. He’s actually waiting in the wings somewhere, patiently holding out just for you. I know you might not believe that right now, but it’s true.
Not all of the great men are taken. Get that myth out of your head. You’re not too fat, ugly, poor or uncultured to find a great guy. Get that myth out of your head as well. In fact, just get rid of all the falsehoods you’re hanging onto. Those are just little bricks in the wall you’re building up around yourself to keep your heart safe.
It’s been broken one too many times and now, it’s time to protect it. So, you develop a list – the perfect guy list. You stay home, out of fear and anxiety. You tell yourself your great guy has come and gone and you missed him – justification for not trying any more.
Well, enough of that is just enough! Your great guy wants one thing from you – he wants you to boldly and confidently enter your life. He wants to be excited and entranced by you. He wants to peel back the layers of your life, one at a time, and he won’t judge you for them either. He wants to unveil the mystery behind who you are and how you became that wonderful woman sitting in front of him.
Confidence coaching helps you see the wonderful woman you are, but it also helps you begin to look for that great guy. It helps you build a list, but it’s a flexible list that mostly helps you steer away from the wrong guy, not seek out the perfect guy. You don’t need Mr. Perfect. You need Mr. Perfect-For-You!
How do I Get Confidence Coaching?
One of the easiest ways to begin building your confidence is by reading some of my books.
While each book has a different theme, there is usually an undercurrent of confidence-building in each one.
Sometimes a book or a mini course just isn’t doing the trick.
When that happens, you might consider coaching. My one-on-one coaching provides you with help that’s targeted to your specific issues.