Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You?

The question for today is a good one – why do men disappear when they like you? It feels like mixed signals, right? He’s all attentive and then bam, he ghosts you. What the heck happened? Did you do something wrong? Is he hiding something? What gives?

I’m here today to help you understand a little more about how the male mind works. Of course, I can’t cover all of our secrets in one article, so be sure to check out this page for tons more information!

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You?

Sadly, there are quite a few reasons for this behavior, and I want to say up front that I make no apologies for my fellow men. Some of us are really good guys and then there are the schmucks. Just because your guy disappears for a while doesn’t make him a schmuck, by the way, as you’ll soon see.

Before we go on with some of these reasons, I want to have a brief discussion about how men and women are different because it has a bearing on our conversation.

As you may know, men and women do just about everything differently, including navigating their emotions, falling in love, and working through problems, to name a few. We also communicate differently with women using many words and men using few.

Keep these things in mind as you continue reading.

What To Do and What NOT to Do If It Happens

Perhaps I should start with what you should not do if this happens or is currently happening to you.

Don’t Text-Bomb Him

Fretting at him via text, emails, or voicemails shows your insecurities. Yes, his sudden departure has stirred up all of your worst fears and they’re rearing up now like a big ugly pimple.

Chill out. Get back into your hobbies. Go do some things with your friends. Take a mini vacation. Do something to take your mind off of him being gone. If he decides to come back, he’ll be more likely to do so if you don’t prove yourself to be the Mayor of Crazytown while he’s away.

Don’t Make it About You

Your go-to is to blame yourself for him leaving, but as you’ll soon read, most of the reasons he most likely bailed have nothing to do with you, but if you make it about you, you’re missing the point.

This is his problem to work through. He may need your support if he returns, and he’ll sense that it’s a safe place for him if you haven’t made it all about you.

Don’t Jump to Conclusions

I know how it works; I grew up with three older sisters. A guy leaves and right away, you and your friends start jumping to all sorts of conclusions.

• He’s dating someone else
• He’s a serial killer
• It turns out he is married

You don’t usually know the reason, so don’t gossip or jump to conclusions. If your friends try, steer the conversation in a different direction.

Do Work on Your Confidence

If you’re freaking out right now, it means those insecurities are getting the better of you. At the root of those insecurities is lower confidence, so while he’s away, work on it.

Think of this situation as facing a fear, because that’s what you’re doing. You’re probably afraid of a guy leaving you, and he did, confirming your fears, but if he has a good reason, then it’s nothing to do with you.

So, face that fear head on. Get back to the gym and burn off some of that stress and anxiety with some good workouts. They’re good for your mind, body, and soul! Pick up a hobby. Focus on your career. Stay busy building!

Don’t Blame Him Either

Yes, he left for one of the reasons below, but he’s doing the best he can. He isn’t maliciously trying to hurt you. He’s too busy working on whatever it is that caused him to bolt in the first place.

He’s doing the best he can under what may be a difficult circumstance. Give him the benefit of the doubt until you have a valid (not gossip) reason not to.

Do Write Your Story

When I say write your story, what I mean is enjoy a variety of life experiences. Have a hobby. Take vacations, even if they’re mini vacations close to home. Explore life. Take classes. DO things. Even if you try and fail, it’s a fun story to tell a guy.

Facing a fear is a great way to write your story. Then, you can tell guys how you decided to walk across a rope bridge at a local park and how terrified you were, then share a funny story about talking yourself through it.

Writing your story is not something you necessarily focus on. Instead, focus on living a full life. Add experiences to your life because it’s good for you, not for men. This is ultimately something you do for you, but the added bonus is that it gives you something to share with a guy.

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You?

He’s Dealing with a Big Loss

While women are great multitaskers, men usually are not. I’m amazed at how women can be doing three things at once and do them all very well. If I’m focused on recording videos, for example, then I’m recording videos. I’m not also doing laundry and thinking about my grocery shopping later.

Therefore, if he’s dealing with a significant loss, he needs to focus his attention on that. Many men will retreat from a new relationship while they work through the details of finalizing a divorce or child custody issues.

Significant losses, like a loved one (including a pet), a job, or income, are often emotional on some level and require his attention. Since many men don’t deal with their emotions well, it can be all-consuming until they work through those emotions.

Regardless of the cause, these are almost always temporary situations that will resolve and enable him to come back to you. Be patient and let him have his time. This is one of the few reasons why a guy may come back.

He Might Be Experiencing High Stress

Life can be overly stressful at times and stress comes at you from many directions. Sometimes, it even feels like every single stressor hit at the same time.

And you can add to that that men feel stress coming at them from different places than women. For example, a guy who’s thinking ahead to a family, even if it’s just the two of you living together, might stress if his finances aren’t as great as he’d like them to be.

Men are, by nature, providers. Even if you have your own income and fully support yourself just fine, it’s innate for him to want to be able to support you. It’s noble, even if it is a little frustrating.

He May Have Felt the Relationship Wasn’t for Him

This is a more likely excuse if you haven’t known him for very long – a few weeks or so. While it’s not a great way to handle it, if he doesn’t like confrontation, he may just bolt and not say a word.

Of course, if this turns out to be the case, you’re free to date and move on, but you won’t know right away.

I’m not saying it’s the right way for him to handle things, but it’s a possibility to consider. Give him a few weeks to sort out whatever he might be sorting out and if he’s still ghosting you, move on, but do so after you try to send a friendly text.

Send something fun, not mentioning his time away, and let it be. If he replies, great. If not, you probably have your answer.

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You? They Feel too Vulnerable

He may be feeling very vulnerable in the relationship, and it’s made his fight or flight kick in. Maybe he’s started caring for you more than he planned and he’s freaking out. Instead of dealing with it, he got scared and ran.

The problem with this is that while he may come back, he might do the same thing again. He doesn’t have a healthy way to navigate the emotions he’s feeling so he escapes before things get too real.

The truth is that he might not even realize what’s going on. All he knows is that he woke up one day and felt like he was going crazy. The only thing he knew to do was stop talking to you because it made him feel safe again.

It’s entirely possible that this guy isn’t coming back, and, like I said, if he does, he may repeat this behavior. He’s not relationship material right now so kiss this one goodbye.

He’s Not Ready for a Relationship

I have this theory that I’ve labeled the conveyor belt to manhood. My theory states that as boys, we’re placed on this conveyor belt. Think of it like a conveyor belt to make chocolate chip cookies.

They hop on in their childhood and they learn stuff, like how to treat people, how to stand up for themselves, and so on. It’s like adding the flour, salt, sugar, etc.

As they get older, the ingredients are more complicated. Instead of a cookie, we’re now making a gourmet meal. These ingredients include an ability to self-support, being capable of managing their emotions, having the drive to succeed, being competitive, and a few more.

The problem is that for a variety of reasons, not all boys travel the entire conveyor belt. Perhaps they experienced the loss of a parent at a young age, forcing the other parent to work doubly hard and not really have time. It’s possible that they lived in a life where strictly surviving from day to day was all they could do.

It’s also possible that nobody fed them the right ingredients. Parents do the best they can, but sometimes they don’t have all of the ingredients either, so they don’t know to feed them into their kids.

Regardless of the why, he’s just not relationship material yet. In this case, he did you a favor!

He’s Terrified of Being Hurt

I’d like to tell you a story of Jerry. Jerry is now a sixty-something man who has been so afraid of being hurt for the last twenty-five years, that he’s incapable of being in a real relationship.

Oh, he thinks he wants to be in one, but when presented with a great woman, his fears kick in and he does his best to push her away, all the while wanting her to stay.

It’s a very frustrating dance that many women don’t even pick up on. The signals are so confusing. He may ghost you for a few weeks, or even a few months, then when his fear subsides, he reaches back out, charming as when you fell for him the first time.

But the pattern persists. He comes back all sunshine and roses, says all of the right things, but when his fear kicks in again – i.e. he feels you getting too close, he bolts, again.

This also qualifies as not being relationship material, just for a different reason. It’s sad really because these guys want a relationship so badly, but when push comes to shove, they just can’t let themselves be happy due to this overwhelming fear.

He’s Too Fresh Out of Another Relationship

It’s possible that you’re a rebound girl for this guy. He just broke up with someone else and rather than feel those feelings, he found you.

Guys do this all too often. Sometimes they tell you that they just broke up with their girlfriend of five years. If you hear this, odds are you’re the rebound and it isn’t going to last.

Very few rebound relationships survive more than a couple of months because their true purpose is to avoid those negative feelings.

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You? He Was In it for the Sex

Sadly, you might have found yourself a player disguised as a nice guy. If there’s one type of loser capable of spoofing a woman into believing he’s a good guy, it’s the player.

They have practiced their lines so well and learned what works and what doesn’t work, that they’re professionals at saying and doing the right things.

Players find women they feel they can take advantage of, so if he thinks you have something to offer, usually sex or money, he’ll give it his best shot.

Once a player feels like he’s gotten out of you all he can, he’s gone and hunting for his next victim. In this case, say buh bye and work on your confidence. These guys are repelled by confident women!

You Aren’t Mysterious

I talk often about mystery and challenge, and both are equally important to a guy. When a guy gets bored in a relationship, especially early on, he’s more likely to bolt.

Too often, women share too much too soon, and then there’s no mystery. This is why I encourage women not to share a lot when they first meet someone new.

It’s hard, I know. You’re excited to feel the attraction and you’re basically marketing yourself. You want to tell him all of the wonderful things about your life.

The problem is that he has nothing to learn, or so he thinks.

To avoid this, steer conversations away from questions about you. Ask him questions. Be blunt yet fun and say, “Gee, we’ve been spending a lot of time on me, let’s talk about you.”

He Just Needs to Boost His Ego

For some men, stroking their ego is an ongoing need. A man with an ego problem will start relationships for the validation. He doesn’t want a relationship because that requires too much work.

Instead, he just wants to be constantly reassured that he’s the type of guy that women want. As soon as he feels like his ego has been stroked, he’s out and on the hunt for more validation.

He Isn’t Ready to Give up His Freedom

Some men enjoy their freedom. They like not having to answer to anyone and the thought of a committed relationship makes them realize they may be losing their freedom.

You can head this one off at the pass from early on by not demanding too much of his time, not complaining when he wants to hang out with his friends, and by keeping the life you’ve developed outside of your relationship.

If he continues to feel as if he has some freedom, he won’t have this worry.

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You: What to do Next

In most of these cases, the guy either isn’t likely to come back, or he’s a guy you shouldn’t want back. Knowing this hopefully helps you move forward and not feel as badly about the whole situation.

Don’t Feel Rejected

This isn’t about you, it’s about him – again. Rather than feel rejected by whatever loser activity pushed him out of your life, be thankful that you’re rid of one more scumbag.

His issues are his, so don’t own them. Yes, you attracted a loser, but boosting your confidence will help you shield yourself against having that happen again.

Work on Some Self-Care

You’ve been through something, so take some time for self-care. Allow yourself to be pampered with quiet reading, music you love, movies that make you laugh, favorite foods, and of course, bubble baths with wine and candles.

This isn’t just a feel-good activity. It helps you regain some self-worth and recognize that you are worthy of being taken care of. Make sure the next guy you date knows this too!

Show Compassion When Appropriate

In a couple of the reasons above, I mentioned that he may come back to you once he’s dealt with his stuff. If you know he’s going through something difficult, gently let him know that you’re there for him when he’s ready.

Don’t force anything and don’t keep texting him. One message will do the trick. In a week or two, you can send one that just says something like, thinking of you and hoping all is well.

These messages aren’t demanding so he won’t feel threatened by them. You aren’t asking him to come back or even to share what’s going on. Just lending a little support.

Ask Yourself One Important Question

Before you decide to try to get back into a relationship that may be toxic for you, ask yourself this one important question – is this all you deserve? Don’t you deserve a man who’s one thousand percent into you and wants to treat you like the queen you are?

If your answer is either I don’t know or no, work on your confidence, then ask again.

That’s a Wrap on Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You

The truth is that you deserve to be happy, and I hope that if you don’t believe it now, you recognize that boosting your confidence is your next step.

A guy who can’t make a commitment out of fear, ego, or something else (other than having something heavy going on) doesn’t deserve a wonderful woman like you.

When you have high confidence, guys like this won’t even approach you. They know you’re out of their league and they don’t want to work hard enough to prove they are worthy of a great woman like you.

Great confident men will be attracted to you. They know you when they see you. Men can tell which women have confidence and which do not. You want the men who will treat you with respect and aren’t afraid to make a commitment when they recognize it’s time!