Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You?

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You?

Get My Ex Back, Understand Men

The question for today is a good one – why do men disappear when they like you? It feels like mixed signals, right? He’s all attentive and then bam, he ghosts you. What the heck happened? Did you do something wrong? Is he hiding something? What gives?

I’m here today to help you understand a little more about how the male mind works. Of course, I can’t cover all of our secrets in one article, so be sure to check out this page for tons more information!

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You?

Sadly, there are quite a few reasons for this behavior, and I want to say up front that I make no apologies for my fellow men. Some of us are really good guys and then there are the schmucks. Just because your guy disappears for a while doesn’t make him a schmuck, by the way, as you’ll soon see.

Before we go on with some of these reasons, I want to have a brief discussion about how men and women are different because it has a bearing on our conversation.

As you may know, men and women do just about everything differently, including navigating their emotions, falling in love, and working through problems, to name a few. We also communicate differently with women using many words and men using few.

Keep these things in mind as you continue reading.

What To Do and What NOT to Do If It Happens

Perhaps I should start with what you should not do if this happens or is currently happening to you.

Don’t Text-Bomb Him

Fretting at him via text, emails, or voicemails shows your insecurities. Yes, his sudden departure has stirred up all of your worst fears and they’re rearing up now like a big ugly pimple.

Chill out. Get back into your hobbies. Go do some things with your friends. Take a mini vacation. Do something to take your mind off of him being gone. If he decides to come back, he’ll be more likely to do so if you don’t prove yourself to be the Mayor of Crazytown while he’s away.

Don’t Make it About You

Your go-to is to blame yourself for him leaving, but as you’ll soon read, most of the reasons he most likely bailed have nothing to do with you, but if you make it about you, you’re missing the point.

This is his problem to work through. He may need your support if he returns, and he’ll sense that it’s a safe place for him if you haven’t made it all about you.

Don’t Jump to Conclusions

I know how it works; I grew up with three older sisters. A guy leaves and right away, you and your friends start jumping to all sorts of conclusions.

  • He’s dating someone else
  • He’s a serial killer
  • It turns out he is married

You don’t usually know the reason, so don’t gossip or jump to conclusions. If your friends try, steer the conversation in a different direction.

Do Work on Your Confidence

If you’re freaking out right now, it means those insecurities are getting the better of you. At the root of those insecurities is lower confidence, so while he’s away, work on it.

Think of this situation as facing a fear, because that’s what you’re doing. You’re probably afraid of a guy leaving you, and he did, confirming your fears, but if he has a good reason, then it’s nothing to do with you.

So, face that fear head on. Get back to the gym and burn off some of that stress and anxiety with some good workouts. They’re good for your mind, body, and soul! Pick up a hobby. Focus on your career. Stay busy building!

Don’t Blame Him Either

Yes, he left for one of the reasons below, but he’s doing the best he can. He isn’t maliciously trying to hurt you. He’s too busy working on whatever it is that caused him to bolt in the first place.

He’s doing the best he can under what may be a difficult circumstance. Give him the benefit of the doubt until you have a valid (not gossip) reason not to.

Do Write Your Story

When I say write your story, what I mean is enjoy a variety of life experiences. Have a hobby. Take vacations, even if they’re mini vacations close to home. Explore life. Take classes. DO things. Even if you try and fail, it’s a fun story to tell a guy.

Facing a fear is a great way to write your story. Then, you can tell guys how you decided to walk across a rope bridge at a local park and how terrified you were, then share a funny story about talking yourself through it.

Writing your story is not something you necessarily focus on. Instead, focus on living a full life. Add experiences to your life because it’s good for you, not for men. This is ultimately something you do for you, but the added bonus is that it gives you something to share with a guy.

why do guys disappear when they like you

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You?

He’s Dealing with a Big Loss

While women are great multitaskers, men usually are not. I’m amazed at how women can be doing three things at once and do them all very well. If I’m focused on recording videos, for example, then I’m recording videos. I’m not also doing laundry and thinking about my grocery shopping later.

Therefore, if he’s dealing with a significant loss, he needs to focus his attention on that. Many men will retreat from a new relationship while they work through the details of finalizing a divorce or child custody issues.

Significant losses, like a loved one (including a pet), a job, or income, are often emotional on some level and require his attention. Since many men don’t deal with their emotions well, it can be all-consuming until they work through those emotions.

Regardless of the cause, these are almost always temporary situations that will resolve and enable him to come back to you. Be patient and let him have his time. This is one of the few reasons why a guy may come back.

He Might Be Experiencing High Stress

Life can be overly stressful at times and stress comes at you from many directions. Sometimes, it even feels like every single stressor hit at the same time.

And you can add to that that men feel stress coming at them from different places than women. For example, a guy who’s thinking ahead to a family, even if it’s just the two of you living together, might stress if his finances aren’t as great as he’d like them to be.

Men are, by nature, providers. Even if you have your own income and fully support yourself just fine, it’s innate for him to want to be able to support you. It’s noble, even if it is a little frustrating.

He May Have Felt the Relationship Wasn’t for Him

This is a more likely excuse if you haven’t known him for very long – a few weeks or so. While it’s not a great way to handle it, if he doesn’t like confrontation, he may just bolt and not say a word.

Of course, if this turns out to be the case, you’re free to date and move on, but you won’t know right away.

I’m not saying it’s the right way for him to handle things, but it’s a possibility to consider. Give him a few weeks to sort out whatever he might be sorting out and if he’s still ghosting you, move on, but do so after you try to send a friendly text.

Send something fun, not mentioning his time away, and let it be. If he replies, great. If not, you probably have your answer.

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You? They Feel too Vulnerable

He may be feeling very vulnerable in the relationship, and it’s made his fight or flight kick in. Maybe he’s started caring for you more than he planned and he’s freaking out. Instead of dealing with it, he got scared and ran.

The problem with this is that while he may come back, he might do the same thing again. He doesn’t have a healthy way to navigate the emotions he’s feeling so he escapes before things get too real.

The truth is that he might not even realize what’s going on. All he knows is that he woke up one day and felt like he was going crazy. The only thing he knew to do was stop talking to you because it made him feel safe again.

It’s entirely possible that this guy isn’t coming back, and, like I said, if he does, he may repeat this behavior. He’s not relationship material right now so kiss this one goodbye.

He’s Not Ready for a Relationship

I have this theory that I’ve labeled the conveyor belt to manhood. My theory states that as boys, we’re placed on this conveyor belt. Think of it like a conveyor belt to make chocolate chip cookies.

They hop on in their childhood and they learn stuff, like how to treat people, how to stand up for themselves, and so on. It’s like adding the flour, salt, sugar, etc.

As they get older, the ingredients are more complicated. Instead of a cookie, we’re now making a gourmet meal. These ingredients include an ability to self-support, being capable of managing their emotions, having the drive to succeed, being competitive, and a few more.

The problem is that for a variety of reasons, not all boys travel the entire conveyor belt. Perhaps they experienced the loss of a parent at a young age, forcing the other parent to work doubly hard and not really have time. It’s possible that they lived in a life where strictly surviving from day to day was all they could do.

It’s also possible that nobody fed them the right ingredients. Parents do the best they can, but sometimes they don’t have all of the ingredients either, so they don’t know to feed them into their kids.

Regardless of the why, he’s just not relationship material yet. In this case, he did you a favor!

He’s Terrified of Being Hurt

I’d like to tell you a story of Jerry. Jerry is now a sixty-something man who has been so afraid of being hurt for the last twenty-five years, that he’s incapable of being in a real relationship.

Oh, he thinks he wants to be in one, but when presented with a great woman, his fears kick in and he does his best to push her away, all the while wanting her to stay.

It’s a very frustrating dance that many women don’t even pick up on. The signals are so confusing. He may ghost you for a few weeks, or even a few months, then when his fear subsides, he reaches back out, charming as when you fell for him the first time.

But the pattern persists. He comes back all sunshine and roses, says all of the right things, but when his fear kicks in again – i.e. he feels you getting too close, he bolts, again.

This also qualifies as not being relationship material, just for a different reason. It’s sad really because these guys want a relationship so badly, but when push comes to shove, they just can’t let themselves be happy due to this overwhelming fear.

why do guys disappear when they like you

He’s Too Fresh Out of Another Relationship

It’s possible that you’re a rebound girl for this guy. He just broke up with someone else and rather than feel those feelings, he found you.

Guys do this all too often. Sometimes they tell you that they just broke up with their girlfriend of five years. If you hear this, odds are you’re the rebound and it isn’t going to last.

Very few rebound relationships survive more than a couple of months because their true purpose is to avoid those negative feelings.

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You? He Was In it for the Sex

Sadly, you might have found yourself a player disguised as a nice guy. If there’s one type of loser capable of spoofing a woman into believing he’s a good guy, it’s the player.

They have practiced their lines so well and learned what works and what doesn’t work, that they’re professionals at saying and doing the right things.

Players find women they feel they can take advantage of, so if he thinks you have something to offer, usually sex or money, he’ll give it his best shot.

Once a player feels like he’s gotten out of you all he can, he’s gone and hunting for his next victim. In this case, say buh bye and work on your confidence. These guys are repelled by confident women!

You Aren’t Mysterious

I talk often about mystery and challenge, and both are equally important to a guy. When a guy gets bored in a relationship, especially early on, he’s more likely to bolt.

Too often, women share too much too soon, and then there’s no mystery. This is why I encourage women not to share a lot when they first meet someone new.

It’s hard, I know. You’re excited to feel the attraction and you’re basically marketing yourself. You want to tell him all of the wonderful things about your life.

The problem is that he has nothing to learn, or so he thinks.

To avoid this, steer conversations away from questions about you. Ask him questions. Be blunt yet fun and say, “Gee, we’ve been spending a lot of time on me, let’s talk about you.”

He Just Needs to Boost His Ego

For some men, stroking their ego is an ongoing need. A man with an ego problem will start relationships for the validation. He doesn’t want a relationship because that requires too much work.

Instead, he just wants to be constantly reassured that he’s the type of guy that women want. As soon as he feels like his ego has been stroked, he’s out and on the hunt for more validation.

He Isn’t Ready to Give up His Freedom

Some men enjoy their freedom. They like not having to answer to anyone and the thought of a committed relationship makes them realize they may be losing their freedom.

You can head this one off at the pass from early on by not demanding too much of his time, not complaining when he wants to hang out with his friends, and by keeping the life you’ve developed outside of your relationship.

If he continues to feel as if he has some freedom, he won’t have this worry.

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You: What to do Next

In most of these cases, the guy either isn’t likely to come back, or he’s a guy you shouldn’t want back. Knowing this hopefully helps you move forward and not feel as badly about the whole situation.

Don’t Feel Rejected

This isn’t about you, it’s about him – again. Rather than feel rejected by whatever loser activity pushed him out of your life, be thankful that you’re rid of one more scumbag.

His issues are his, so don’t own them. Yes, you attracted a loser, but boosting your confidence will help you shield yourself against having that happen again.

Work on Some Self-Care

You’ve been through something, so take some time for self-care. Allow yourself to be pampered with quiet reading, music you love, movies that make you laugh, favorite foods, and of course, bubble baths with wine and candles.

This isn’t just a feel-good activity. It helps you regain some self-worth and recognize that you are worthy of being taken care of. Make sure the next guy you date knows this too!

Show Compassion When Appropriate

In a couple of the reasons above, I mentioned that he may come back to you once he’s dealt with his stuff. If you know he’s going through something difficult, gently let him know that you’re there for him when he’s ready.

Don’t force anything and don’t keep texting him. One message will do the trick. In a week or two, you can send one that just says something like, thinking of you and hoping all is well.

These messages aren’t demanding so he won’t feel threatened by them. You aren’t asking him to come back or even to share what’s going on. Just lending a little support.

Ask Yourself One Important Question

Before you decide to try to get back into a relationship that may be toxic for you, ask yourself this one important question – is this all you deserve? Don’t you deserve a man who’s one thousand percent into you and wants to treat you like the queen you are?

If your answer is either I don’t know or no, work on your confidence, then ask again.

That’s a Wrap on Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You

The truth is that you deserve to be happy, and I hope that if you don’t believe it now, you recognize that boosting your confidence is your next step.

A guy who can’t make a commitment out of fear, ego, or something else (other than having something heavy going on) doesn’t deserve a wonderful woman like you.

When you have high confidence, guys like this won’t even approach you. They know you’re out of their league and they don’t want to work hard enough to prove they are worthy of a great woman like you.

Great confident men will be attracted to you. They know you when they see you. Men can tell which women have confidence and which do not. You want the men who will treat you with respect and aren’t afraid to make a commitment when they recognize it’s time!

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

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How to Respond to an Ex Asking How You Are

How to Respond to an Ex Asking How You Are

Get My Ex Back

You finally recovered from your bad breakup. Then out of the blue it happens. Your ex contacts you!

Why does an old flame contact you?

Suddenly you’re hit with a rush of emotions. Does he want to get back together? Has he changed? Will his family finally accept you?

You hate him and yet you think, “I still love him.”

These are normal feelings.

So, what do you do? How can you learn how to respond to an ex asking how you are?

Well, to know how to respond you first need to do a little self-analysis.

Ask yourself this one question.

Assuming you and/or your ex have solved the underlying breakup issue do you want to get back together?

If yes, then continue below. If no, then there is no need to respond. It’s that simple.

Other coaches will say it’s not polite not to respond – I say bull. This is about you and your feelings not his. He’ll get over it like you got over the breakup.

Assuming the answer is yes, here are some suggestions for how to proceed.

How to Respond to an Ex Asking How You Are?

Relax and think things through

There is no rush to respond. Ask yourself if you really want this man back in your life. Many times, the answer should be no. You might be in a wonderful place right now, or you might be dating someone you’re getting excited about.

Do you really want to mess a good thing up?

 

How to Respond to an Ex Asking How You Are

It did not work out the first time so what will be different this time?

Did he seek help for his issues? Or, if were you the problem, did you seek help? Maybe you both were co-dependent – did you both fix your issues?

My buddy Rick got back together with his ex, thinking this time would be different. I asked him why – what changed that will make things work this time? He mentioned that his ex would not have his delinquent son with her anymore. He was the reason.

I questioned this. Turns out I was spot on. Rick was just talking himself into getting back together by using an outside excuse. The real reason was that she was lazy and just sat around the house all day playing candy crush on her phone.

No brainers

If he emotionally or physically abused you, do not reply! This man is dead to you. Enough said.

Timing is wrong

Maybe you wanted to get married but he hadn’t completed his divorce. Maybe he was overseas. Or you wanted to complete college, so you had no time for a relationship. Timing is often overlooked and can be a major hurdle.

If you feel the timing is now right, then contact him and say hi.

Your values don’t align

You wanted kids and he didn’t. You are an extrovert and he just wanted to stay home. These are things that can’t be compromised. In this case, contact him and see if his choices have changed. If so, get together. If not, kindly tell him that you are both wasting your time.

Make sure you stick to your values. He is not the right man for you if your values do not align so respond accordingly.

You're a Survivor!

You might not feel like you can survive a breakup when it first happens, but if you look back in your life, you'll see that you've survived breakups before! This is a great article to help you, but there are others! Click the button below to check them out!

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How do you respond to an ex asking how you are?

After taking into consideration the six things above, you’re ready to respond. You’ll only be responding if your emotions can remain in check. If they can’t, it’s not time to respond!

Also, you do not respond to someone who treated you badly! Block his number.

Here is how you respond, “Hi Jim, I must admit I am a bit shocked hearing from you. Without being rude, can I ask why you are contacting me? We ended it because _________ (the timing was wrong, I wanted kids and you didn’t, you wanted to move in and I wasn’t ready etc.) so what has changed?

Hope you are doing well,
Nancy”

Notice I kept it short, I didn’t want to give him anything he could expand on. I wanted to get right to the point while still being polite.

If you get crazy, then he might lead you down the ‘rabbit hole of old emotions’. Do not do this! Keep it short and to the point.

Your ex might try to change the subject. He might talk about old memories. Don’t go for it.

If he does say this, “Yes, Aruba was fun. Again, why are you contacting me?”

If he continues to avoid the reason for the breakup then kindly ask him to stop contacting you.

“Jim, I’m in a good place, please move on like I have.
Nancy”

If he still won’t quit, block his number.

 

What if he answers the question to your liking?

“Nancy, I’ve stopped drinking. I have been sober for 6 months now. I realize that I love you and it was the alcohol that was getting in my way. Can we get together and talk?”

Or, “I’ve fulfilled my obligation to the National Guard and I am coming home. No longer will we be long distance. Does that work for you? I miss you.”

These are the answers that I want you to hear. Jim dealt with the underlying issue.
Not so fast, though. He will need to prove his words through actions. This leads me to your next step.

Set up a daytime meeting

Mind you this is a meeting and not a date. The daytime will make it less possible for alcohol and sex.

Set it up. Keep your expectations low. Listen and don’t make any decisions until you’re home and have really thought things through.

Involve your close friends and family too. This is a major, life altering decision so take your time. They often have a more objective point of view. They saw you hurting after the breakup and they will be very careful with your heart.

Go for a trial period

You’re still protecting your heart until Jim proves his worth again. Therefore, make it clear that after, say 2 months, you will access the relationship and mutually decide on where things stand.

Remember, the underlying issues must be resolved. If he goes back on a tour-of-duty or starts drinking again then all bets are off!

Learn How To Keep a Man For Life

How to respond to an ex asking how you are summary

Remember, one of you or both must have changed for the better or nothing will be different! I cannot emphasize this enough. I see it over and over again.

This just frustrates you and keeps you from ever wanting to have a relationship because you are too jaded from the yo-yo affect dating your ex.

Be sure you aren’t going into a new meeting with your ex with rose-colored glasses on. Be honest with yourself about where you both are and look for real signs of change, not just words. Men use actions to prove their love and commitment to you, so if all he has at this point is words, he may not be sincere.

Why does and old flame contact you and how do you respond? Now you know!

Do you want to get your ex back? 

Check out this proven Five Step Process to Get Him Back! Work your way through these five steps and:

  • Feel less emotional
  • Figure out what happened to end the relationship
  • Rebuild your confidence
  • Toy with his psyche
  • Plan your meeting with him

As you’re reading, many men come back months later. Taking these five steps helps guarantee that your new relationship will be a success!

The 7 Reasons Why Men Come Back Months Later

The 7 Reasons Why Men Come Back Months Later

Get My Ex Back, Understand Men

You and your boyfriend break up, and he doesn’t care about you until months later, long after you stopped caring about him. Curious isn’t it? Why do men come back months later? There are several reasons for this and here are seven of them!

Why He Left: The Challenge is Gone

Nothing worth having comes without a fight. You’ve heard this phrase before, and oh does it apply to men! The challenge was lost the day you moved in together and became exclusive. The key is to keep the challenge going long after the newness of your relationship wears off.

Be crazy, good crazy, not bat sh*t crazy. Break your routine. Maintain your friendships. Keep your hobbies and join in one of his, but never make him your hobby. This keeps him on his toes.

As part of my ongoing research, I interview couples who’ve been married for forty years or more. When I ask what their secret is, men say, “I felt like I never caught her – I still haven’t!” Women just smile. They know the secret!

why men come back months later

The 7 Reasons Why Men Come Back Months Later

Reason #1 The Grass Wasn’t Greener after All

When you first broke up, he was partying like a rock star but now he’s bored. What a surprise! He realized other women don’t except his flaws like you do. Staying apart from you means he needs to lose weight, make more of his own money and treat people with more respect.

This seems like a lot of work but there’s an easier way, and that is to come back to you.

Reason #2 He’s Testing the Waters

Your ex wants to be single, but he doesn’t want you to be single. If things don’t work out in his singles life, you’re his fall back plan. Don’t allow this to happen!

If he tries to beg his way back into your life, make sure he has a plan accompanied by real action before you take him back, and that’s assuming you’re still single.

Reason #3 Why Men Come Back Months Later | He Wants to Get Laid

You make him feel like he’s the greatest guy out there, so he believes every other woman sould also. Now, he knows he’s dead wrong. He’s having a difficult time getting any sex, let alone good sex. In his mind, you still want to have sex with him, so, months later, he’s texting you again.

why men come back months later

Reason #4 Memories

Memories are tough, which is why it’s important to build as many powerful, fun memories as possible in your relationship. These are pennies in the jar of your relationship. Men come back months later when something reminds them of you – even if they’re dating someone else.

Older couples say they’ve stay together because they have so many wonderful memories together, memories no one else can replace. Be sure to have plenty of memories in your next relationship.

Reason #5 Why They Always Come Back | The Pressure from Friends and Family

Men listen to the important people in their lives because they trust them. When their friends and family start piling on reasons why they shouldn’t have left their ex, it sinks in.

They listen and think about the the memories, sex, and unconditional love they received from you and soon, they want to come home.

Oh the Mysterious Ways of Men!

There's no way for a woman to know intuitively what to expect from a man. That's why I'm here! There are many differences between men and women and this article shows you a few. But there are others. Click the button below to read those articles too!

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Reason #6 He’s Ready

Some guys genuinely need a break to think about things. This isn’t a bad thing. Many have issues to fix. I know because I was one of those guys who couldn’t love because I saw my parents fall apart in front of me; I was bitter and confused but I got help.

How do you get over a guy you never really dated?

A healthy male comes back when he realizes he would prefer being with you over being single and hanging out with his friends. That, my friend, can happen in a New York minute if you do the work and become a confident woman.

Reason #7  You’re A Challenge Again!

I saved the best for last because this is the Mount Everest of reasons why men come back months later. Make positive changes in your life. If you need to lose weight, do so, for you. Find a hobby to enjoy. Get passionate about something. Make new positive friends. Have fun!

What does this do? It builds confidence and makes you interesting and attractive because you are happy with new stories to tell and, as a bonus, you look great!

Do you take him back? Hell no! You laugh in his face and flaunt your new guy in his presence. Am I being vindictive? Yeah, maybe.

There you have it – why men come back months later!

Don’t you think you’ve dated enough losers? Isn’t it time to find a great guy to date? Maybe you think you already have!

This book will help you know for sure! You’ll go in-depth on the good and bad qualities to look for in a man so you an know for sure.

End the guessing game and Weed out the Users!

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I’m Pushing Him Away with My Insecurities | How Can I Stop?

I’m Pushing Him Away with My Insecurities | How Can I Stop?

Build a Great Relationship, Build Confidence, Find Happily Ever After, Get My Ex Back, Understand Men

Am I pushing him away with my insecurities? You’ve met Mr. Right and all of a sudden, he’s all you can think about. Day in and day out, your mind is on your new guy and how great he is. You spend way too much time wondering if he feels the same way about you.

You fixate on him by sending multiple texts, emails and phone calls a day. But what happens? He pulls back! This is crazy! He seemed to feel something for you. Why is he retreating?

Not understanding the problem, you text more and try harder by cooking his favorite meals and inviting him for dinner. You try buying his favorite beer or suggesting you hang out at his favorite place. He might show up occasionally, but you can feel his detachment.

So you continue to try harder.

The next thing you know, he rarely answers your texts and you don’t see him. He’s gone rogue in a big way.

What happened? Did he find another woman? Did you do something to push him away? What’s going on?

What’s going on is that you did indeed push him away with your insecurities.

Your attempts to win him back only made things worse because you went the wrong way. You fixated on him more and more. Of course, the more you fixated on him, the more he retreated.

It’s time to learn why.

Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities

Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities | Your Mind Plays Tricks on You

Your mind is a master at playing tricks on you. Your conscious mind operates based on past history so, in the past, when a man became distant, he left. That’s what your mind knows.

When you meet a new guy and things are all hot and heavy, your mind says, “Hey, this is looking good so I’ll proceed as before.”

You feel those squishy feelings of love early on, probably too early. You’re totally hot for this guy and every minute spent with him, either by text, phone or FaceTime, is like gold.

Unfortunately, your history is that guys leave. Why else would you be dating a new guy? Working off past history, your mind says, “Eventually, this guy will leave too.” This stirs up your insecurities.

What you might start asking yourself is, “Am I pushing him away with my insecurities?” And, consequently, what can I do to become more secure? That answer will come soon.

Subsequently, You Obsess

The more rogue he becomes, the more you feel panicky and anxious. The more anxious you become, the more you obsess.

Of course, you don’t want him to leave! You want him to stay! He’s awesome!! What can you do to get him to stay with you?

Your obsessive thoughts are like a runaway train, speeding along too fast and errant. You text him all the time with stuff he doesn’t want to read like “Hey what’cha doin?” or “What’s up?”.

When he doesn’t reply, your mind starts playing tricks again. Thoughts like, “He’s gonna leave. They all leave” roll around and your obsession becomes a little more intense.

These thoughts are anxiety run amok. It’s your mind running forward with worrisome thoughts that aren’t as fact-based as they seem. These anxious thoughts feel real, though, and you don’t seem to have any other facts to deny them.

Is Your Relationship Over?

Do you think your relationship is teetering on the edge of disaster? Has he aleady left? This is a great article for sure, but there are others! Just click the button to read them.

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Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities | He Pulls Away

Of course, the problem is that the more obsessing you do, the less he responds. Oh, he’ll root for you for a while and give you hope by saying things like “No, everything is fine, I’m just super busy at work.”

But, things aren’t fine and he isn’t super busy. He may already be dating someone else or at least thinking about it.

Why?

No man wants to be your hobby, and that’s what he’s become. He doesn’t want you doting on him and he definitely doesn’t want to answer thirty texts from you a day.

It’s a Vicious Circle

He’s pulling back and you’re ramping up your texts, furiously trying to pull him back in. But, the unfortunate truth is that all your efforts to win him back are confirming for him why he needs to leave.

At some point, you get the message that says, “I need some space” or “I think we should see other people”.

And that brings us back to the beginning. You’re frustrated, angry, disappointed and upset because you don’t know what happened.

Again, it’s time to as yourself, “Am I pushing him away with my insecurities?”

Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities | It’s a Confidence Thing

A confident woman doesn’t spend one iota of time worrying about whether a guy is into her. Nope. No siree. A confident woman knows that any guy she dates is a guy she has carefully chosen to be part of her life. HE is lucky to be dating her!

When your insecurities get the better of you, it’s because your dating confidence is low. You don’t believe a guy could ever want to be with you for an extended period of time and when one does show interest, it’s hard to believe.

You double down your efforts to keep him, but those efforts are transparent and he immediately sees your lack of confidence. He might not identify it in that way and most guys won’t tell you that’s why they’re breaking up with you, but he knows.

Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities

What Can You do to Change?

You’re asking, “Am I pushing him away with my insecurities?” The answer is yes, and while this relationship is probably lost, there is time to work on yourself before meeting another guy.

Take a Small Dating Break

Take a break from dating. It’s very difficult to improve your dating confidence while you’re in the middle of a relationship. The work you need to do is best done while you’re single. Building your confidence isn’t just about dating; it’s about uncovering who you truly are. What types of men are you really attracted to? You may find that the answer isn’t what you expect.

This break should last as long as it takes for you to believe you deserve a great guy. When you recognize that you’re the chooser and not grateful to be chosen, you’re just about there!

Until you truly believe both of those things, keep doing the work.

Change Your Inner Game

Now that you’re on a dating break, it’s time to work on your inner game. That inner voice that was telling you each guy would run is what needs to go! Each breakup you’ve experienced has caused your dating confidence to decline. This feeds that response your mind has conjured up.

It’s time to work on a new response to dating. It’s time to believe that you have what it takes to keep a great guy, without making him your hobby.

All those canned responses to being in a relationship need to be altered from negative to positive. Right now, you’re allowing your mind to feed you stuff like:

  • I’m not good enough for him
  • No good guy will ever like me
  • I’m not worthy of dating a nice guy like that
  • All guys leave eventually

Moving forward, those negative statements should be replaced:

  • I’m good enough to date any man who’s worthy of me
  • A great guy will be attracted to me
  • I am worthy of dating a nice guy like that
  • A great guy will love me for who I am and he’ll stay

These thoughts don’t turn themselves around overnight. It takes conscious effort to change negative thinking into positive, but you can do it with motivation and determination.

What’s your motivation? Finding the guy of your dreams!

Where do you find determination? It’s already there, within you, waiting to be set free. Your determination will grow as your confidence grows. The more you blossom into a confident woman, the more determined you’ll feel!

Work on Your Confidence

You keep hearing about building your confidence, but how do you do that? What does it mean to build confidence?

Perhaps we should begin by defining confidence: confidence is your belief that you can do something. This means that you can have an abundance of confidence in your ability to do your job or raise your kids, but you can have low confidence about finding a great man.

Many women who reach out to me are in exactly this situation. You are not alone. What are some things you can do to build confidence?

Set Boundaries

Boundaries are essential. They are the line we draw between how other people want to treat us and how we will accept being treated. Many people who have low confidence have few to no boundaries. It’s scary to set boundaries because doing so might make someone upset with you and you can’t stand the thought of that.

I understand, but allow me to ask you this question. Why would you allow someone to treat you badly? Your answer is because you’re afraid they’ll stop being your friend, right?

Well, a true friend wouldn’t dream of crossing your boundaries. The question you should be asking yourself is why does that person think it’s okay to walk all over you and treat you like a doormat? Is that how friends treat friends or is that how people treat others they know will accept their bad behavior?

Having boundaries helps you build your confidence, and it also helps you get rid of toxic people in your life. If you have a boundary that says no sex on the first date, a great guy will not only honor you for it, but respect you. A schmuck will push and push until you give in, and if you don’t, well, you’ll never see him again.

Good! Sianara!

It will be difficult at first to stand up for your boundaries, but once you start, you’ll feel empowered and confident. Confidence builds upon itself, so the more you build, the more you’ll find.

Face Your Fears

It’s so easy to allow fears to keep you from doing things. You’re afraid to fly so you stay home all the time or only go places you can drive to. But you’re missing out on a whole big part of the world by allowing this fear to rule your life.

You may be afraid you’ll die alone, without ever finding happiness. But do you realize that many people lie on their death beds wishing they’d taken more chances? They wish they had faced more fears!

Facing fears is a great way to build your confidence because the voice inside that’s been saying “I can’t” suddenly becomes the voice saying, “I can!”

How do I Stop Pushing Him Away with My Insecurities? You Stop the “It’s Always Me” Thoughts

I’m sorry to tell you this, but his world doesn’t revolve around you.

No, I’m not calling you an egomaniac. Your low confidence forces you to believe everything he does, positive or negative, is about you. He doesn’t want to come over and watch a rom-com with you? It’s because he doesn’t like you.

He doesn’t want to meet your parents on a Wednesday night? It’s because he isn’t serious about you.

Those are the false truths your mind has conjured up. Try to see the facts of a situation. He wasn’t in the mood for a rom-com. Or, he wanted to hang with his friends. Maybe, he was exhausted after a long work day and didn’t want to meet your parents when he wasn’t feeling 100%.

Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities

Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities | Unload Old Relationship Baggage

Men sniff out a bitter woman from one hundred paces. If you have old relationship baggage, you seem as bitter. This isn’t productive if you want to begin a new relationship and have any chance at success.

If you find yourself saying, “Men really suck” or “All men are liars,” you need a time out to unload past hurt. It’s heavy relationship baggage that’s pulling you down into a pit of feeling worthless and unworthy.

Chances are, you don’t even realize you’re lugging this baggage around. It sneaks up on you. First, it’s just a few small items, then you add few more. Then a big one piles on, and another.

By carrying baggage around, you’re carrying past hurt and anger. A guy dumps you and you’re hurt. Instead of forgiving and moving forward in a healthy way, you hold onto that hurt. For a while, there’s a payoff. Your friends and family feel sorry for you, so the hurt stays.

Then, you find another guy and he dumps you for another woman – your best friend no less. Not only are you hurt, you’re angry with them, but you keep it bottled up inside.

Instead of forgiving, you carry it around and it fits nicely with the hurt of the last breakup. This continues until the baggage you’re carrying leaves you jaded and bitter.

Carrying past hurt and anger is causing pain to one person – you. You’re allowing someone to live rent-free in your head, to sabotage your thoughts and hold you hostage. It’s time to forgive. Forgiveness isn’t for the person you’re forgiving and doesn’t make what they did to you okay. It relieves you of the responsibility of carrying the negative emotions associated with that person. It frees up space in your mind for happiness.

Alter Your Communication Skills

Effective communication is key in any relationship. When you communicate with a potential or current boyfriend, it’s a big deal to get it right.

The problem with communication is that you usually come at something from your own perspective. When I was a boy, I needed new hockey skates. I demanded that my mother buy me some. This got me nowhere. Had I come at her from her point of view, I would have had new skates.

What I should have said was, “Hey Mom, if I help you around the house this weekend with some chores, can I get new hockey skates?” Then, I’m recognizing that she’s a busy woman and I’m offering to help her so she will help me.

You might not need new skates but you still need to keep this lesson in mind. Take a few moments to assess a situation from the other persons point of view. Did your ex really avoid you for the reasons you conjured up, or was there something else?

Check Your Paranoia at the Door

Allow your partner to earn your trust and vice versa. To do that, avoid paranoid behaviors that cause trust to deteriorate.

Trust can be a tricky one, because if you’ve experienced a distrustful relationship previously, you’ll be more cautious, perhaps even too cautious. What you must remember is that each person earns or ruins his trust with you on his own. Your trust in one person should never be based on anyone’s past except that one persons.

Just because your last boyfriend cheated doesn’t mean all men cheat. It means that one did. And if your last boyfriend was financially irresponsible, it doesn’t mean your next guy will be too.

If you don’t trust him but there is no basis for your distrust, it’s probably your issue. Trust issues are common so don’t feel like it’s only you. Be real with what you believe, trust him until he proves to you he can’t be trusted and keep your eyes wide open so you don’t trust someone you shouldn’t.

Snooping through his phone or email is not trustful. Sneaking around town, looking to see if he’s where he said he would be is not trustful. If you find he’s cheating on you or lying to you, dump him. He doesn’t deserve you. Otherwise, trust him and grow that trust into a beautiful relationship.

Become an Independent Woman

This one is HUGE. Co-dependent relationships NEVER work. I recently spoke to a 17-year old girl whose parents have been divorced for several years. While her mother has her act together, her dad is another story.

She stated to me that when her dad and his new wife, who is 12 years younger, are apart from one another for more than twenty-four hours, they come undone. She asked me why. I told her that they were co-dependent. She said, “Yeah, I don’t want to be like that!”

I affirmed her belief and told her how she could stay an independent young lady. Her mother is a great example, which I pointed out to her. I told her to be strong, to be financially stable and to be sure of herself. She also told me she doesn’t want to date and is really just enjoying her life as it is right now. This tells me she’s on the right track.

When you’re an independent woman, you won’t get sucked into a co-dependent relationship. What does it mean to be independent? It means you don’t rely on a man for your happiness and your mood isn’t determined by anyone else’s. It means you know what you want and how you plan to go about getting it.

You have goals and you’re driven to chase after them. You know any man would be lucky to be great enough to get and keep your attention. It means you have a life outside of your relationship and it includes hobbies, activities, adventures and friendships.

Independence comes with confidence, so the more confident you become, the more independent you’ll be.

Am I Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities?

By asking, am I pushing him away with my insecurites, you’re taking the first step in fixing the problem. You recognize something isn’t quite right, but you can’t put your finger on it. Now, after reading the information above, you hopefully have a better understanding of how you can fix things.

If you’re insecure, you will chase men off. The only men you won’t chase off are insecure men. This leads you down the path to a co-dependent relationship. In order to be one-half of a successful relationship, build your confidence, believe you’re worthy of a quality man and develop higher self-esteem. You need to be independent, strong, financially stable and baggage-free.

This is all possible! I know you can do it!

It's Time to Understand Men!

Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations.

Men view finances, love, dating, dealing with difficult situations, and communication differently than women.

Inside this book, you’ll discover how to improve your relationships by understanding these differences and learning how to overcome them and use them to your advantage.

This isn’t about playing games. It’s about understanding what he’s thinking and how he’ll best understand you.

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Why Men Pull Away After Getting Close

Why Men Pull Away After Getting Close

Find Happily Ever After, Get My Ex Back, Understand Men

Forget What You’ve Been Told, Here’s Why Men Get Spooked

Guys pull away for many reasons and if you can understand them, you can eliminate many of them. 

Before we begin, understand that I’m not always proud of my gender but it helps you understand the male mind if I explain these things.

Why Men Pull Away after Getting Close – Their Mouths Get Ahead of Their True Feelings

You’ve been here before I’m sure. He says he’s never met a woman like you and he wants to take you to Italy. Then, he says he can’t wait for you to meet his family and friends. His mom will love you! Blah, blah, blah.

You believe him and you expect him to follow through, as you should.

I’ve been guilty of this a few times. I was excited about dating a woman, but my mouth was saying crap that I didn’t mean, at least not yet. Then I had to backtrack, which meant running for the hills and never returning, at least in one instance.

Eventually, reality sets in and he realizes he shouldn’t have mentioned the Italy trip so soon. The process of following through made him anxious. He wonders what will happen if they hate one another before the trip ends?

Then, he goes down the check list of questions.

Will She Take Away My Friends and Fun?

A mans friendships are important. The thought of spending more time with you and less time with them, at first anyway, makes him uneasy. This will eventually be a good thing but he doesn’t know the answer yet so he pulls back. He clings to what feels normal and safe.

To alleviate his anxiety about this, don’t attempt to come between him and his friends. Don’t get upset over the occasional guys’ night or football watch party. Do something with your friends or work on a hobby. Allow him this time and you won’t worry about why guys pull away after getting close!

Will She Take My Money?

When women don’t understand men, they don’t understand how important money is to them. Men are providers and to provide, they need to be successful. Men measure success through work, status and how much money they can earn. They view success as being able to provide for their family.

They keep their guard up for gold – diggers. Yes, they’re out there.

To help him with this one, offer to pay for your half of the meal or buy him a cup of coffee from time to time. Don’t just expect him to pay for everything. Offer to carry your share of the load. Make sure your financial house is in order.

Am I Okay if I’m Never Able to Sleep with Another Woman?

I know, this sounds sad, but many single men weigh this in their decision, freak out and pull back. Being single represents freedom to unattached men. They date whoever they want to and live a fun, albeit shallow, life.

There are two things you can do here. One is to keep things exciting in your sex life. Explore your fantasies and his. Don’t make your sex life monotonous. Try some toys or be a little risky about where you have sex.

The other thing is to do what he’s doing before you’re committed to one another. Date other men. He is dating other women but he assumes you’re only dating him. Once he realizes that dating you is a competition and he needs to step up his game, he’ll either bail or get serious. If he bails, good riddance! You’re better off without him because he was never serious about you anyway.

Falling in Love Means He will Feel Vulnerable

Exposing vulnerabilities increases the risk of being rejected and rejection is one of his greatest fears, especially when it comes to you. This is one of the major reasons why men pull away after getting close.

To help him through this one, be patient and kind when he shares something that makes him feel vulnerable. Don’t laugh or judge him. Allow him to finish and express the proper type of response.

You can also share your own vulnerabilities with him. This will help him feel more comfortable sharing his. This is how you build intimacy and grow closer.

Why Men Pull Away after Getting Close – What to Do When This Happens

The funny thing is that he wants you to take him away from his friends, at least some of them. He wants to spend money on you and he wants to just sleep with one woman.

Slow things down. Don’t push for that Italy trip. Maintain your social life and don’t start doting on him too much. Later, after he has proven himself, you can change your habits, but it’s too early in the relationship right now.

Encourage him to be with his friends. Offer to pay for things so he quickly realizes that you are not interested in his money. Do this and when the love making starts he will only want to be with you and no one else. He will fall for you!

Then, fulfill both of your fantasies during sex and all will be good!

Watch as I hammer this point home with world renowned Dr. Helen Fisher.

Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations.

Men view finances, love, dating, dealing with difficult situations, and communication differently than women.

Inside this book, you’ll discover how to improve your relationships by understanding these differences and learning how to overcome them and use them to your advantage.

This isn’t about playing games. It’s about understanding what he’s thinking and how he’ll best understand you.

BUY NOW US
Buy Now UK
Buy Audible

Has Your Guy Left You? These Five Steps will Help You Get Him Back

Do you want to get your ex back? 

Check out this proven Five Step Process to Get Him Back! Work your way through these five steps and:

  • Feel less emotional
  • Figure out what happened to end the relationship
  • Rebuild your confidence
  • Toy with his psyche
  • Plan your meeting with him

As you’re reading, many men come back months later. Taking these five steps helps guarantee that your new relationship will be a success!

How to Make Him Realize He’s Losing You

How to Make Him Realize He’s Losing You

Find Happily Ever After, Get My Ex Back

Your guy is going rogue on you and you want to know how to make him realize he’s losing you. Guys do this and it’s not okay. He’s become too complacent in your relationship. He’s taking you for granted, and he thinks he can just do whatever and you’ll be okay with it.

Well, it isn’t okay and you’ve had enough. Today, you’ll learn how to make him realize he’s losing you! I promise there are no games. This isn’t about playing tricks or using games. It’s about things you can do that will wake him right up.

What You’ll Find Here

Let Him Know You’re Prepared to Walk Away
Pull Back From Him
Get Busy in Your Own Life
Remind Him You Have Options
Change Your Look
Enter Man Mode
Stop Pampering Him
Enjoy an Adventure Without Him
Pull Back on Sex…Just a Little
Be Vague About the Future
Mention Another Guy Who’s Funny and/or Good Looking
Show Him Some New Moves in the Bedroom
Go Back to the Beginning
Put More into the Relationship
Wrap Up

How to Make Him Realize He’s Losing You | Let Him Know You’re Prepared to Walk Away

Yes, this is harsh, but it’s true, isn’t it? You’re prepared to walk away from the relationship. You feel lonely and you want to be with a guy who wants to be with you. You don’t want to be taken for granted or abandoned every night for sports or sports bars.

If you truly feel this way, it’s time for a sit-down conversation where you spell it out for him. At first, your relationship was exciting and fun and he was having fun getting to know you.

But now, you feel him pulling away and enough is enough. If he isn’t willing to commit to your relationship, you’re prepared to walk away. There are many reasons why men won’t commit, but that’s his problem, not yours.

The key is that if you say you’re going to walk away, then you need to do so if he won’t put more into your relationship. Don’t ever say something like that without backing it up with actions. If he won’t commit now, you’ll be right back here in a few weeks.

Pull Back from Him

If you aren’t ready to walk away completely, pull back some. This is most effective if you aren’t living together. Get busy with your own life. Re-engage with old friends. Revitalize a favorite hobby. Step up your workout routine.

He might be so wrapped up in whatever he’s got going on that he doesn’t realize the impact his actions, or lack thereof, are having on you and your relationship. He needs a wake-up call and you not being his beck-and-call girl anymore might do the trick.

If he texts, wait a few hours, if at all. If he calls, let it go to voicemail. Remember, he’s already pulled back from you so you’re just reacting in kind.

By pulling back, you’re reminding him that love and respect are not one-way actions. They are verbs that require something of both of you.

Right now, he’s operating on the theory that he can do whatever he wants, and you’ll be there for him when he decides to throw some attention your way. Debunk that myth by tossing it right back to him. It may take him a few days or so to realize that his assumptions about you and your relationship need a little adjustment, but if he wants a committed relationship with you, he’ll snap to attention.

How to make him realize hes losing you

How to Make Him Realize He’s Losing You | Get Busy in Your Own Life

Many times, when you get into a new and exciting relationship, you give up parts of your life, like spending time with friends and working on hobbies. Self-care is also something women often give up. And you do all this to spend more time with him.

Then he goes rogue. All that attention could be part of the problem. Even though you’re a couple, you should each maintain your lives outside the relationship. He should be able to hang out with his friends and so should you. You should have your respective hobbies, and maybe you combine one of yours with one of his so you can do something together. But your lives shouldn’t be exclusively the two of you.

Get back to your life as it was before you met him. Hang out with your friends. Practice self-care by doing things you enjoy.

Of course, the other possibility is that he likes all the doting, but he’s taking it for granted. You pulling back and enjoying your life away from him will help him realize he’s not your only priority. He needs to make your relationship a priority if he wants to keep it.

Aside from all that, staying busy in your life is good for you. Friendships are good for the soul and help you in many ways. Hobbies are also great for you because they help you grow and continue to build confidence.

Remind Him You Have Options

This guy isn’t the only guy who will ever love you. It might be time to remind him that you have options when it comes to men.

Unless you’re married or living together, you aren’t so committed that you can’t easily move on. Obviously, I don’t encourage infidelity, but men don’t like to lose their stuff, and for better or worse, he considers you part of his stuff. Don’t send hate mail. Men don’t think of women as possessions like that, but they don’t like to lose a woman to another man.

Remember, love is a verb. It’s an action that two people make toward one another. It isn’t something you’re obligated to. If you feel unwanted in your current relationship, let him know how you feel and that you’re not bound to him in any way.

Change your passwords. Lock him out of your things. Go no contact for a few days and let him stew in what he’s doing for a while. Let him experience life without you.

Is Your Relationship Over?

Do you think your relationship is teetering on the edge of disaster? Has he aleady left? This is a great article for sure, but there are others! Just click the button to read them.

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How to Make Him Realize He’s Losing You | Change Your Look

This is a great move because it’s a surprise. When you do this, a few things happen. One is that he thinks, “Wow! She looks awesome. I wonder what she’ll do next!” The next is that he wonders why you’re changing how you look. That one goes further when he starts wondering who you’re changing your look for.

Another thing this does is it breaks any label he might have placed on you. If you always wore your hair up, but now you’ve got it cut in a cute bob, that’s a much different look and his label is busted. Again, he’s wondering what you’ll do next.

The last thing it does is to let him know you make your own decisions, independent of him. This isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s a great thing. You should always be making your own decisions. If they impact him, of course, you’ll share the decision-making process with him, but this is all about you so go for it!

Of course, it doesn’t occur to him that you’re doing it to make him realize he’s losing you. He thinks you’re doing it to attract other men or another man in particular.

Aside from the impact, it has on him, changing your look is always uplifting. It puts a spring in your step and makes you feel a little bit better about yourself.

How to make him realize hes losing you

Enter Man Mode

Man mode isn’t game-playing. Man mode is very simple. When you use man mode, you’re doing what a guy would do. In many instances, you’re beating him to it, but in this case, you’re doing exactly what he does.

For instance, if you text him about your dinner plans for the following evening and he doesn’t reply for three or four hours, you wait three or four hours to answer him.

You’ve always replied right away, so that’s what he expects. As soon as you stop doing what he expects you to do, you gain his attention. If he calls you out on not replying sooner, you simply say you were busy and forgot (wink wink).

Another way to insert man mode is to beat him to something. For example, if he’s planning to hang out with his buddies again, fine, let him without one single complaint. But you also make plans to hang out with your friends. Make sure he knows you look hot before you leave, then go have fun.

He envisions you sitting at home, waiting for his call or for him to come home. Let him know you’ve got a life too and you can look great while you’re living it. His fun time with his buddies won’t be as much fun because his mind will be preoccupied. He’ll be wondering what guys might see you looking so great and how you’ll respond to their attention. He knows he’s not putting in 100%, so he knows what can happen.

How to Make a Man Realize He’s Losing You | Stop Pampering Him

Most women are nurturers by nature. When they find a guy they like, they tend to dote on him, often to excess. If he’s down, you’re there to lift him up. If he needs laundry done, you’ve already moved it to the dryer.

Stop. Just stop. You aren’t acting like his girlfriend, you’ve turned into his mother. He’s a big boy who can do his laundry.

Sure, as a girlfriend, you can be supportive, but not to excess. You aren’t his laundry maid, nor are you his Plan B if his friends can’t do anything. You don’t need to dote on him every hour of every day.

A guy who’s looking for this is looking for someone to play mommy. If that’s the life you want, fine, but he’s not ever going to be as attentive to you as you are to him.

Pull back. Let him do his laundry. He can find someone to hang out with or something to do when his best buddies aren’t available on his own.

Let him see what life without you is like. He needs to understand that you are someone who should be appreciated, not taken advantage of. If he calls you out on not doing those things for him, try a witty response like, “I didn’t sign up to be your babysitter” or “I’m not getting paid to be your laundry girl.”

Enjoy an Adventure Without Him

Get some girlfriends together and rent a cabin somewhere or go on a mini vacation together. Let him know for sure that he’s not invited. Go have fun without him, and no cheating by texting and calling him incessantly. This is your time with your friends.

Let him see that you can have fun without him; allow him to feel you drifting away. If he hates it enough, he’ll snap back and start working to be the guy you fell for.

He wants to be the one having fun with you, and even though you’re with your girlfriends, he knows the risk of you finding another guy who is paying attention to you is great.

How to make him realize he's losing you

How to Make Him Realize He’s Losing You | Pull Back on Sex…Just a Little

This is best used with one of the other tactics you’re finding here. Don’t completely pull back on sex, but pull back some. If you want to have sex with him fine, but then let him wait for a few days.

If he’s got any brains at all, he’ll start wondering what’s going on and he’ll begin to put things together.

Men love sex and good men love pleasing you with sex, so if you’re not granting him the ability to do so, he’ll quickly wonder what’s up.

Be Vague About the Future

When the two of you talk about the future, be vague about your plans. Don’t say things like, “I think we should go to Aruba next spring.” Instead say, “I think a trip to Aruba sounds great. I wonder if spring is a good time to go.”

It’s subtle, but you didn’t include him.

If he asks what you’re doing this weekend, act like you don’t know what your plans are. Let him wonder if he’s included.

Yes, you run the risk that he’ll make other plans and that’s okay. You make other plans too. Remember man mode!

How to Make Him Realize He’s Losing You | Mention Another Guy Who’s Funny and/or Good Looking

Some men are competitive by nature and they don’t like to be outdone. If you have a coworker or friend who’s hot and funny, and your guy knows it, start tossing his name around in conversation.

“Gregg said the funniest thing yesterday at work…”

If he knows Gregg and knows he’s a good-looking guy, he’ll start to wonder why he’s getting so much of your attention.

Aside from that, guys like to think they’re funny, so another guy “out-funnying” him isn’t going to sit well. He’ll worry about how much time you’re spending with other guys and, if he’s invested in the relationship, he’ll get back in line.

Show Him Some New Moves in the Bedroom

When you do allow him to have sex with you, show him something new. This is great for two reasons. First, it’ll eliminate any boredom and make you a little mysterious. Second, he’ll wonder where you’re learning these new moves.

You want to keep your sex life from becoming boring anyway because it’s good for your relationship. And no, the full responsibility of that doesn’t fall on you, but you’re trying to make him see what he’s losing right now, so this is a great move.

We Slept Together Now What

How to Make Him Realize He’s Losing You | Go Back to the Beginning

Remember when your relationship was new? He may have expressed things he liked about you back then. Are you still doing those things?

Many of the suggestions above involve distancing yourself from him, but that might not work for all men, so the opposite is to try to remember what it was he fell for early on. Chances are, you’ve drifted from being that person.

We all put our best foot forward early in a relationship. It’s like you’re marketing yourself. You don’t share all the baggage, but you put on the charm and agree to do things that might have been out of your comfort zone.

Go back to that time. Agree to do something he knows pulls you out of your comfort zone. Recall that girl he fell for and bring her back. I’m not telling you to be fake, but to bring back the girl he fell in love with.

Put More into the Relationship

If your guy has a romantic side, you might do well to bring out that part of him again. You saw it early in your dating, so it’s there. Again, this is the opposite tactic to the others, but for some men, it might be the key.

Plan a romantic dinner at your favorite restaurant, or maybe where you had your first date. Put in a little more effort in the bedroom. Do things you know he loves.

This helps to remind him of what an amazing woman you are and how lost he’d be without you.

How to Make Him Realize He’s Losing You

If you’ve tried one or more of the suggestions above and nothing changes, you have a decision to make. You need to decide if this is how you want to live. Many times, people don’t realize the impact of their actions, so there’s a good chance one or two of these things will work, but if they don’t, it’s decision time.

My recommendation is that if none of this worked to snap him, you should move on, but only you can make that decision for yourself. Just know that any one of these things should have worked on him and if it didn’t, I question his commitment to you and your relationship. Staying will likely lead to bigger heartache down the line.

There’s also the possibility that if you do leave for good, he might still wake up. At that time, you can make a new decision, but if you walk away, don’t sit there and wait for him to come around. Live your new life without him happily and without regret.

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Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you’ll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They’re added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

To learn more about it, click here. To purchase the book, click one of the buttons below.

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3 Powerful Texts to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back

3 Powerful Texts to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back

Get My Ex Back, Understand Men

Texts to Get Your Ex Back

There are texts to get your ex-boyfriend back and texts that will chase him further away. The power is in knowing which is which!

Before you get excited about texts to get your ex back, we need to have a one-on-one chat about the timing of these texts.

Start with Zero Texts

Yes, that’s right. I will first tell you not to text your ex, especially if you’ve been texting him non-stop since your breakup.

It doesn’t matter if your texts begged him to come back or berated him for leaving. It’s time to stop. The first lesson in texts to get your ex-boyfriend back is to send no texts.

Why Everyone Starts with No Contact

I’m not the only dating coach to suggest no contact, but I have a unique spin on it compared to my competition. You’ll learn more about it in a few moments.

All dating coaches begin by applying a no-contact rule for a couple of good reasons.

The first is that when a man breaks up with you, he has negative feelings about you and the relationship. Every text you send, begging or angry, only serves to confirm his negative emotions.

Next, he needs to miss you again and want you back. He can’t miss you if you’re constantly texting him.

So, as much as it stinks, you must stop texting, calling, and emailing him immediately. Let him have time to overcome the negativity and miss you. Without allowing that time, nothing good will happen. There are no texts to get your ex-boyfriend back without implementing no-contact first.

Texts to Get Your Ex Back | No Contact with a Twist

I mentioned that my version of the no-contact rule is different. Within the first couple weeks of the breakup, or as soon as you can if that amount of time has passed, you break the no-contact rule by sending him, via snail mail, a hand-written letter.

In this letter, you very briefly tell him goodbye, but you also put in one fond memory. The goodbye letter goes something like this:

Dear John,

I wanted to send a formal goodbye. Maybe for my own closure or because I felt you deserved a better self-off than how we ended things last week.

I will miss apple-picking with you at Lynd’s and the warm cider and donuts we enjoyed on the tailgate of your truck. [insert your memory]

Goodbye, John,

Emily

For many men, this letter is a sucker punch to the gut. You just broke up with him. That isn’t how it’s supposed to work, at least not in his mind!

After you send the letter, in an envelope, with a stamp, you break contact again until it’s time for the next connection.

texts to get your ex boyfriend back

Slipping In and Slipping Out

The second time you break no contact, you do so with what I like to call Slip in/Slip out. That’s what the texts you’re about to discover are about.

In this instance, you’re slipping into his life with a fun or meaningful text; then you’re slipping back out again, maintaining silence until the next.

These texts accomplish the same thing as the letter. They tweak a fond memory you shared with your ex and help him recognize when he’s missing you.

Texts to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back | Why This Works

The letter and slip in/slip out work because they turn the breakup upside down. He broke up with you, but now you’re breaking up with him, or at least indicating that you may be moving on without him.

Generally, when a man breaks up, he considers the ex-girlfriend to be his backup plan. He’s going off to sow some wild oats, but when he’s done, you’ll be waiting there for him, still curled up in the fetal position with a quart of Ben and Jerry’s.

But you send the letter and the texts that indicate that’s not what you’re doing. Now, he’s worried because his backup plan is failing. He’s now at risk of having nobody if he doesn’t snap to attention.

There’s One Caveat

There is one thing that must be present for these to work: history. If your relationship was less than three or four months old, you have little chance of getting him back, regardless of what you do.

Why?

Because those beautiful memories you would typically use to tweak his emotions aren’t there. Even if you’ve gone apple picking and to a concert, it’s not enough. Yes, you have a couple of memories to text him about, but they won’t stir other memories of things you’ve done together.

These points of contact aim to help him miss you by stirring his memories of all the great things you shared. If those things don’t exist, they won’t work.

But let’s assume you have those memories and the history of making this work. I think it’s time for the three texts to get your ex-boyfriend back.

texts to get your ex back

Texts to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back #1: The “I’m Moving On” Text

Each point of contact you initiate helps you get your ex back indirectly. Your methods of texting him with begging or anger were direct, and they don’t work, as you’ve already discovered.

Your friends are encouraging you to text him everything, including how much you love him, how this was all your fault (which isn’t true), and everything he did wrong in the relationship. All your anger and sadness should flow straight off to him.

But how’s that working so far? It isn’t! That’s the direct method I mentioned. Why not try it my way? Remember, I am a guy, so I know a thing or two about how men react!

Any negative text like those mentioned above will either get deleted without being read, or he’ll read it, roll his eyes, and return to whatever he was doing, thankful that he ditched you when he did.

Texts to Get Your Ex Back | He Won’t Be Expecting This Message

When you text your ex, you do so with complete confidence, even if you don’t quite feel it yet. There is no whining, begging, or blaming. Instead, you send this I’m moving on text. This text to get your ex-boyfriend back is part two of the one-two punch you initiated with the letter.

Any man worth getting back reads this text and is confused but intrigued. He initiated the breakup because he wanted his freedom, to return to another ex, or to see what he could find that might be better.

Remember, you’re his backup plan, but after receiving the letter and these texts, he’s not so sure.

He’s confused and intrigued.

This breakup was his idea. He wanted his freedom, an ex, or some other intangible he thought he would gain by setting you aside.

He’s sure you’re sitting there, crying into your big bowl of ice cream, waiting for him to grace you with his presence again.

Your status in his mind went from being part of his fallback plan to hoping he could win you back after his stupidity. Whether you want to reconcile remains to be seen! You aren’t sending him the angry, bitter messages any longer; you’re sending see you lata.

Now, he’s wondering if this whole breakup idea was a good one. He’s concluding that it wasn’t.

Texts to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back | The Moving on Text

Without further ado, here are a couple of examples of this type of text:

Example One

“Hey, Jeff. I’m going surfing next month, and I need my board. Please stick it on the porch so I can grab it. Thanks!”

He receives this text and immediately wonders who you’re going surfing with. Have you found another guy?

Then, he thinks, “But that was our thing!” and “Why isn’t she still upset and sad about our breakup?”

The language of the text is important too. You aren’t asking him if you can pick up your surfboard. You’re telling him you’re picking it up and asking him to leave it out, so you don’t need to see him to do so.

This is confident, strong, and impactful!

More Examples

“Hi, Joe! What was the name of the apple orchard we visited last year? I’m going in a couple of weeks, and I can’t remember.”

“What was the name of that hotel in Aruba? I’m planning a trip, and I can’t seem to recall.”

You get the idea.

The general structure is:

Salutation; ask a question related to a memory; a vague statement on why you need the information.

Note that your text doesn’t include when you are stopping by. Nor does it have any date or time for your upcoming adventure. This means he can’t predict when to be there to happen to run into you.

These texts come from a confident woman who knows what she wants and is going after it. She isn’t sitting around pining away for some man. She’s living life and living it large!

A less confident woman sends a text like this:

“Please, Gregg. I miss you so much! Can we just grab a drink soon to talk?”

texts to get your ex boyfriend back

Texts to Get Him Back #2: The “Remember” Text

The remember text should be used later in the breakup and comes after the letter and moving-on text. Two to three weeks should pass between the last text and this one.

By now, he’s tested the singles waters, and it wasn’t as great as he imagined. Women aren’t falling over themselves to date him, and he might be missing you.

This text leverages something powerful – positive memories. Remember when I said he had negative feelings about you and the breakup? You’ve given him time to move past them and tweaked him a bit with the first two points of contact.

Positive memories are like shiny pennies in a jar. You collect them over time, and they add up to something great.

You put pennies into your relationship jar by doing things together. They come from vacations, walks on a calm winter morning, strolling on the beach while watching the waves crash in, and sharing challenging times.

When he reads this text, he gets a shot of endorphins because of the memories.

“Gregg, It’s apple season again! I stopped by Lynds yesterday and got cider for Mom. I smiled and laughed at the memory of our time there last year.”

“Joe, I was just looking out the window at the gentle rain and remembering the time we went out and danced in the rain together. It put a smile on my face for sure!”

“Adam, Today’s snowfall reminded me of my first skiing experience last winter, at the expense of your forearm, which, as I recall, I nearly ripped off trying to stay on my feet! It truly made me smile.”

By reminding him of these fond memories, you’re hitting him hard. You’re forcing him to recall good times together and helping him miss you.

Job well done!

texts to get your ex back

Text Your Ex Back #3: The “Help Me” Text

If you haven’t gotten back together yet, this text should come much later, maybe as many as three months after the breakup.

Before I share this text with you, you must understand one thing about men. They show their love for you by doing and fixing things for you.

Many women miss this cue, waiting for three words many men will infrequently use, “I love you.” Yes, some men say it more than others, but all men show their love by doing and fixing.

Therefore, when you reach out and ask for help, you’re tweaking his desire to show his love for you. Fixing something for you, even this far after the breakup is intriguing and may even cause him to question the breakup.

For him, it’s something he knows he can get right, and he’s pretty sure by now that he’s screwed up everything else. But, if he can do what you’re asking of him, he’s willing and ready!

“Justin, long time, huh? A quick question. I’m trying to install a new printer, and I can’t figure out how to make it talk to my computer. You’re great at this stuff. Can I call and ask you a few questions?”

Asking him to help you works for him because he can move past some of the guilt he feels over breaking up with you months ago.

This text works because he’s feeling guilty over breaking up with you. It gives him the opening he needs to consider reconciling and coming back.

This type of text works because it creates a challenge in what you didn’t say. He’s expecting this:

Oh, Justin, I miss you so much!

Hey Justin, let’s get together!

Justin, can you just come over and fix it for me?

You asked him to tell you how to fix it, and you move on.

Texts to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back

Timing is everything with these texts to get your ex back.

The goodbye letter delivered the first sucker punch, and when you follow it up with the I’m moving on text, it’s punch number two.

Then, you remind him of a great memory again with the second text, and you deliver the final blow by asking him to help you.

But Gregg, What am I Doing in Between?

In between sending these texts, I encourage you to visit my other website, We Can Get Your Ex Back, and read my new book, Ex Back: The Five-Step Process to Get Him Back. You’ll find links below for both!

There, you’ll find five steps to get him back. These steps are carefully researched and proven. They include everything you need to know and do to get your ex back.

Do You Want Your Ex Back? Try These Five Proven Steps!

Do you want to get your ex back? 

Check out this proven Five Step Process to Get Him Back! Work your way through these five steps and:

  • Feel less emotional
  • Figure out what happened to end the relationship
  • Rebuild your confidence
  • Toy with his psyche
  • Plan your meeting with him

As you’re reading, many men come back months later. Taking these five steps helps guarantee that your new relationship will be a success!

This Five Step Process to get your ex back is a proven way to accomplish your goal of reconciling with your ex! Inside, you'll work through five very specific steps, each designed to move you one step closer to that desired reconciliation.

Step One helps you rein in your emotions so you can think logically.

Step Two guides you through assessing the relationship and breakup through a new lens.

In Step Three, you work on rebuilding your confidence.

With Step Four, you toy with his psyche. 

In Step Five, you prepare to meet your ex again.

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Will No Contact Make Him Move On?

Will No Contact Make Him Move On?

Get My Ex Back, Understand Men

Will No Contact Make Him Move On?

Will no contact make him move on or reconsider? Does the power of silence after break up draw him back? The conventional no contact rule to get him back has been tossed around a lot and it’s time to toss it out!

The answer ios a combination of both. If you attempt absolutely no contact, you’ll fall into out of sight, out of mind status with him.

Instead, try slip in/slip out.

After receiving your handwritten and powerful breakup letter, most men feel anxious. Before he received your letter, he considered you his Plan B. If and when his single adventure runs its course and he realizes the grass wasn’t greener on the other side, his plan was to come back to you. But, his flawed plan includes finding you curled up in a fetal position, still waiting for his return.

Instead, you sent him that goodbye letter where you shared a quick memory of a fun time the two of you shared and then you said goodbye. It’s as if you reached out and sucker punched him in the gut. But before you feel too badly for him, stop and consider that he needs that wakeup call. He needs to know you aren’t pining away for him like he thinks you are because you’re moving on and moving up!

It’s okay if you are still feeling blue about the breakup. That’s to be expected because you’re still grieving the loss of your relationship and what you’re feeling is perfectly normal.

Discover the Proven Five Step Process to Get Your Ex Back

Do you want to get your ex back? 

Check out this proven Five Step Process to Get Him Back! Work your way through these five steps and:

  • Feel less emotional
  • Figure out what happened to end the relationship
  • Rebuild your confidence
  • Toy with his psyche
  • Plan your meeting with him

As you’re reading, many men come back months later. Taking these five steps helps guarantee that your new relationship will be a success!

Will My Ex Boyfriend Forget About Me if I Don’t Contact Him?

To answer this question, you must understand the male mind after a breakup. For example, guys don’t like to lose their stuff and you are part of his stuff!

Sending the goodbye letter and using slip in/slip out confirm it’s over and turn the break up on its head, confusing your ex.

Are you bluffing? Yes. Because you having nothing to lose!

This is a Good Thing!

His mind shifts and he realizes you are not there as his Plan B. Guys break up to test the waters, but the waters aren’t always better, in fact the waters usually suck! Now he knows you’re growing stronger and potentially moving on and he can’t enjoy his new single’s life as much.

Does the no contact rule make him move on? Not the way you’re using it!!!

Door number two is closing fast and that door is YOU. Suddenly, your ex questions the breakup and thinks about the great memories you had but those memories are tough for him to manage. They’re like putting pennies in a jar to save them for something great. If you put enough great memories into the relationship he will have a weak moment.

You need to be ready.

will no contact make him move on

Why The No Contact Rule to Get Him Back Works

You’re toying with his mind, giving yourself the best odds of stirring his emotions and getting him to return to you. This is the exact opposite of what you want to do and what he thinks you will do, but it works if you do it with all the confidence you can manage. Keep your messages upbeat and don’t act angry. If you can’t, delay until you can.

The door to further communication is open to him, offering him the chance to reconsider. You’re on his mind now, but once you send the slip in/slip out message, you return to no contact.

This method of altering the no contact rule to get him back works because you only go radio silent temporarily. Then, you reach out in a way that surprises him.

BOOM!

will no contact make him move on

Will No Contact Make Him Move On?

Absolutely so don’t use it in the way many coaches recommend! If he goes weeks or months without hearing from you, you’ll slip out of his thoughts. Instead, slip into his mind with a great memory of the two of you, then slip right back out.

This provides the best of both worlds. It’s the power of silence after break up, but with contact that makes a difference.

This Five Step Process to get your ex back is a proven way to accomplish your goal of reconciling with your ex! Inside, you'll work through five very specific steps, each designed to move you one step closer to that desired reconciliation.

Step One helps you rein in your emotions so you can think logically.

Step Two guides you through assessing the relationship and breakup through a new lens.

In Step Three, you work on rebuilding your confidence.

With Step Four, you toy with his psyche. 

In Step Five, you prepare to meet your ex again.

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He’s Gone Now What? How to Get Over a Breakup

He’s Gone Now What? How to Get Over a Breakup

Build Confidence, Get My Ex Back, Understand Men

Knowing how to get over a breakup just got a whole lot easier! Breakups are terrible, and they do their own kind of damage to your confidence and self-esteem. Much of what you find on this site is designed to help you find a great guy or keep the great guy you have, but there is a sad side to relationships, too, and sometimes I have to address it.

When you experience a breakup, your knee-jerk reaction is to get back out there and find another guy. Your friends and family are even encouraging you to do so! Forget about that jerk, and find someone who deserves you! They’re right. However, it would help if you held off for a while.

Why?

Entering a new relationship right now will not end well for either of you. Before you can get back out there, you need to process the breakup. You’re experiencing many things that you need to address.

This breakup has impacted your mind and body in ways you can’t even imagine. Those effects cause you to react to things in certain, sometimes counterproductive, ways.

There are scientifically proven physiological responses to a breakup. Not only does your body react to a breakup, but it does so in a big way. My friend, Helen Fisher’s study indicates that your body goes through a legitimate withdrawal process after a breakup.

When you are happy and in love, you produce higher than normal amounts of happy neurotransmitters: dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin.

how to get over a breakup

How to Get Over a Breakup | Science Says…

Research shows that recovering from this addiction to love hormones is more complicated than overcoming a cocaine addiction; those chemicals are that powerful in your body.

When you suffer this withdrawal, you feel physical pain more intensely. You may seek activities that boost your dopamine levels, like binge eating, shopping, or being sexually promiscuous.

Without knowing why you’re doing those things, you engage in them because they make you feel better, even if temporarily.

Instead of binge eating, you may lose your appetite, indicating that you’ve slid into a depression. You may also have many restless or sleepless nights. This often happens when you’re fixating on the happy moments of the relationship or the breakup itself.

My new best-selling book, He’s Gone Now What? is divided into three phases:

  • Phase 1 explains everything going on in your mind and body and helps you understand the strategies you need to counter them
  • Phase 2 delivers the process of healing from the breakup, including strategies for handling your pain more healthily; you’ll also find help rebuilding your self-confidence
  • In Phase 3, you’ll discover new methods for finding Mr. Right; you’ll learn new tools which will work for you

Readers Say…

Here is just one testimonial on Amazon:

“Must Read
Yet another great book from Gregg!! Love all his stuff. This book teaches you how to face the hurt/pain when a relationship ends. To go through the grieving process…So many people just rebound into another (I used to do this), and it’s one of the worst things you can do!! This book goes deep and helps you discover parts of yourself that you never looked at contributing to the quality of your relationships…Must read if you want healthier and happier relationships!! – Mary”

If you're ready to move on from this relationship, you're ready for He's Gone, Now What? This book walks you through the many aspects of dealing with a breakup, even if you're the one who initiated the breakup. Regardless of who started it, as they say, your body becomes addicted to the chemicals associated with being in love. The withdrawal process is as daunting as the withdrawal from cocaine.

You'll also learn about the stages of grieving a relationship and how to begin moving forward. You'll walk through the steps of preparing yourself for dating again and gain an understanding of how you can do so in a healthy, happy relationship.

You can learn more about the book here or you can purchase it by clicking one of the buttons below.

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