Guys pull away for a whole bunch of reasons but if you can understand the main reasons, you can eliminate many of them. I work with men so I see the reasons they pull away on a daily basis. I am a guy and I have done a few of them myself!
Now, in full disclosure, I am not always proud of my gender but it helps you to know how we think.
Why Men Pull Away after Getting Close – Our Mouths get Ahead of Our True Feelings
You’ve heard it before I’m sure – he tells you how he has never met a woman like you and he wants to take you away with him to Italy. Then he says he can’t wait for you to meet his family and friends – his Mom is going to love you! Blah, blah, blah.
You believe him and you expect him to follow through, as you should.
I have been guilty of this a few times. I was excited – I really was, but my mouth was saying crap that I didn’t mean – at least not yet. Then, I had to backtrack, which meant running for the hills and never returning – at least in one instance.
Eventually, reality sets in and the guy realizes he shouldn’t have mentioned the Italy trip so soon. The process of following through (booking the flights in my example) creates anxiety in him. He thinks, “What if we hate each other after nine days?”
Then, he goes down the check list of questions:
Will She Take Away All My Friends and Fun?
Our friends are our current means of fun and to spend more and more time with you means less and less time with them. This could be a good thing but we don’t know the answer yet so we pull back. We tend to cling to what is normal and safe.
Will She Take My Money?
Women who don’t understand men do not understand just how important money is to us. We are providers and to provide we need to be successful and we measure that through our work, status and how much money we earn.
This keeps our guard up for gold – diggers. Yes, they are out there.
Am I OK with Never Being Able to Sleep with Another Woman?
I know, sad. But many single men weigh this in their decision and pull back. Being single represents freedom to unattached men – they can date who they want to and live a fun, albeit shallow, life style.
Falling in Love Means He will be Vulnerable
Being vulnerable introduces the possibility of being rejected. Rejection is one of our greatest fears, especially when it comes to women. This is one of the major reasons why men pull away after getting close.
Why Men Pull Away after Getting Close – What to Do When This Happens
The funny thing? He wants you to take him away from his friends – at least some of them. He wants to spend money on you and he wants to just sleep with one woman.
Slow us down. Don’t push for that Italy trip. Make your social life your main priority and not him. Later, after he has proven himself, you can change your habits, but now is too early in the relationship.
Encourage him to be with his friends. Offer to pay for things so he quickly realizes that you are not interested in his money. Do this and when the love making starts he will only want to be with you and no one else. He will fall for you!
Then, fulfill both of your fantasies during sex and all will be good!
Watch as I hammer this point home with Helen Fisher.
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