Today’s women may have difficulty understanding a man’s need to provide. You can provide for yourself and don’t need a stinkin’ man to do that for you. I get it!
But here’s the thing. Just because you don’t need him to provide for you doesn’t mean he doesn’t still have that need, deeply rooted inside.
Men are raised to be providers. Society views a man who cannot provide for his family as a slacker, a loser, and a waste. While there are certainly men who don’t care how society views them, the expectation is still there.
Man’s need to provide for his family is at the core of every great man. He wants to be that person for you, even though he knows you don’t need him to be.
In relationships with two alphas, this becomes a natural bone of contention. As an alpha female, a woman wants to be her own person and support system. She’s worked hard to get there.
Instead of feeling that a man’s need to provide is taking something away from you, perhaps I can encourage you to look at it from his perspective.
A Man’s Need to Provide Means…
He Feels Proud
Kevin was the youngest of seven children, and his next-oldest sibling was a sister who was ill her entire life with Cystic Fibrosis and diabetes. His parents focused most of their attention on her care and his other siblings were much older.
Kevin is a real go-getter who had a paper route at age ten. He rode his bike around the neighborhood for years, delivering the paper and earning bonuses from the kinder neighbors. He used his money to develop a habit of creating and caring for aquariums.
When he was old enough, he got a job at McDonald’s, where he worked until college. It wasn’t until Kevin graduated from college with a BS in Engineering that he heard words he’d longed to hear from his father, “I’m proud of you, son!”
Men need to feel proud and while Kevin was proud of his accomplishments, knowing his father was proud of him was an even bigger deal.
A man’s need to provide is tied to his pride. When he can accomplish the goal of providing a lovely home and vehicle for his family, he feels great accomplishment.
He Can Be Your Hero
A man’s need to provide isn’t just about providing the money to live a good life. Allow a man’s hero instinct to kick in sometimes. Most boys had heroes when they were growing up, and now, they want to be your hero.
Ask him for help from time to time. Let him fix your leaky sink, even if you can do it yourself. Let him build those office shelves for you or change the oil in your car.
He’s providing for you differently; this is also how he shows that he loves you, a signal many women miss.
A Man’s Need to Provide | He Has a Purpose
There’s nothing worse than feeling rudderless, especially for an otherwise confident man. While a man has high confidence, that doesn’t mean life doesn’t kick him in the butt from time to time. A man’s need to provide is threatened when the economy is terrible and job loss is a real threat or even a reality.
A man finds purpose in providing for his loved ones. He has a reason to seek a new job or a better job. Men with low confidence don’t share this need to provide. They’re more likely to give up sooner and plop themselves on the sofa, allowing you to carry the burden.
Strike a Balance
Regardless of who makes more money, strike a balance in your relationship between your independence and a man’s need to provide.
Shelve your pride now and then, and let him be your hero. Let him pay for dinner, hold the door for you and pull out your chair so you can sit. This is how he was raised. He will be more attracted to you if you allow him to shine.
Here are some other ways in which you can tweak a man’s need to provide:
- Allow him to do the “manly chores” around the house
- Compliment him when he does well – even if he screws up a little
- Seek his advice for a problem you may have
- Never compare salaries if you know he makes less than you
- Tell him how much you enjoy his company
- Text him and ask his opinion
While these things seem small to you, they’re huge to a great guy, and you’ve done your part to help him provide.
To date a man, you must understand a man. Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations. To a man, his financial status indicates how well he can take care of you and your family. It's a source of pride for him to be able to do so, even if you make your own money and can support yourself.
It's how he was raised.
Men also love differently. Many relationships breakup for the simple reason that a man is showing a woman how much he loves her, but he isn't saying the words she longs to hear. He's taking her car to get the oil changed, building the shelves she desires in her office and helping with the outside chores. You're probably missing many of these signs that he loves you.
You gain so much insight into the male mind that you'll be amazed at what you suddenly see and understand in the behavior of all men around you. Not just the man you're in a relationship with, but the men you work with and those in your family.
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