How Long Does it Take for a Man to Fall in Love?
I have been answering your emails, every day, and the subject of “understanding men” from a man’s perspective has become very popular.
On February 24th I blogged about the 12 ingredients that go into men. Can you name all 12? You need to know these so you can understand men once and for all.
Today I want to talk about the 11th ingredient – How long does it take for a man to fall in love?
I also want to answer, “how does a man fall in love?”
A while back I met a beautiful woman from Russia in Delray, FL. No, she was not a paid Russian bride or a spy, haha. We spent three wonderful days together, and then I had to leave and go back to my home in Boston. She was bummed.
I asked her if she wanted to join me in Boston for the rest of her vacation. She said yes and we had a wonderful time.
I quickly realized that we were not on the same page. I was getting to know her and having fun living in the moment. Unbeknownst to me, she was sizing me up to be a husband and father.
Her decision, it seemed, was already made. I was naïve to this, and just having fun getting to know her.
She perceived my invitation for her to join me in Boston to mean that I, ultimately, wanted her to be my wife, because that was her goal.
Guys Take Longer to Fall in Love
So what’s the problem here?
Men don’t fall in love like that. We take our time. It takes us weeks if not months. We might think we are in love and act like we are but we are simply getting to know a woman and having fun.
My Russian girl (let’s call her Alisa) was reading into our relationship differently than I was. I was getting to know her, while she had already determined our fate and anything that did not fit this narrative she ignored.
Because she was moving so fast, I never got to know her for fear of really letting her down! It was easier to just end things. Looking back, sadly, I really liked her but I will never know what might have been.
Watch this video with me and world renowned Dr. Helen Fisher where we talk about Love at First Sight.
In this video you will see resistance from the women on the panel questioning my answer. They can’t possibly know how men feel! In fact, after the shoot the male producer came up to me and quietly said, “You are so right, man!”
Remember also, that my tactics have evolved over my 55 years and are the result of interviewing thousands of men. This is not just “Gregg the dating coach” speaking.
You see, men live more in the moment than women do. We can’t spot our next relationship milestone if it slapped us in the face.
When Guys Fall in Love they Fall Hard
A Man falls in love the moment he realizes that he would rather be with YOU then be with his single friends!
We are oblivious. Falling in love happens to us when it feels right, not at first sight. Women, on the other hand, look at each positive event as a milestone to advance the relationship.
“I met his family”
“He took me away for the weekend”
“He said he loved me when he was drunk”
“His dog lapped my face – destiny!”
I did all these things with Alisa, (my cat licked her face, no dog) but I was not anywhere near my milestone! She would have been better served to just roll with the weekend and let love happen – if it was going to happen at all.
Women need to live more in the moment, rack up the memories, and enjoy the process. There needs to be time for both parties to get to know each other before judgement, before the “all in” is declared, and men normally take longer.
That said, some men will take advantage of this time and drag out this period because they have some outside issues and are afraid of commitment. These men are wet kittens and should be avoided. That’s why women should always set reasonable time limits.
So just because he is hitting your milestones does not mean that he is falling in love. My weeding out rules still apply.
If you feel you have met Mr. Right, don’t push him, relax, give him time, and he will come to you!
How long does it take for a man to fall in love? Weeks if not months. We don’t check off milestones. Men simply live in the moment. When they do fall, it happens in an instant!
I can take ANY scenario, pick from the DNA tree (or the conveyor belt to manhood as I like to call it), and solve your problems that you have with men and now you can too!!
Next week, I will discuss DNA Imprint #12 – Men can get bored easy.