I get emails all the time asking me one big question: how long does it take for a man to fall in love?
You’ve probably read this statement before on this website, but if not, you need to read it now. Men date to have fun. Women date to get married.
This is at the crux of many dating issues. You have different goals, at least initially.
My goal today is to help you answer two questions:
- How long does it take for a man to fall in love?
- How does a man fall in love?
These aren’t difficult questions to answer, although I will say that not every man fits some standard mold. Some men fall in love faster and slower than you’re about to read.
My Beautiful Russian Friend
Some time ago, I was staying in Delray, Florida, and met a beautiful woman visiting the US from Russia. I was intrigued by her because she was mysterious right off. Learning about someone from another country adds a layer of intrigue to dating.
We had fun together, but it was time for me to return home. She was disappointed, so I asked if she wanted to return with me and stay for the remainder of her vacation.
Easter was approaching, and I always spend holidays with my family. Not wanting to leave her alone, I invited her to join me.
I’m sure you can see where her mind was headed, but I couldn’t. Soon enough, however, I realized we weren’t on the same page. I was enjoying getting to know her, but she was sizing me up as a husband.
She’d made her decision, but I was still having fun getting to know her. As you probably already realize, she noted everything I did and tallied milestones. The time spent in Florida was milestone one. The invitation to Boston was two, and it went from there.
I wasn’t even close to falling in love with her; ultimately, she was disappointed, which made me sad. I hate disappointing people.
How Long Does It Take for a Man to Fall in Love? Longer than Most Women
The problem, of course, is the disconnect between how men and women fall in love. Women often misread the intentions of men, and ultimately, a blowup occurs, and things fall apart.
If we return to my beautiful Russian friend, whom I’ll call Alisa, I can see now that she was using things that fit her marriage narrative and positive proof of my desire to marry her and ignoring anything that didn’t fit the narrative.
The sad truth of the situation is that she was moving too fast, and I never got to know her. While I liked her, I had to cut things off because I didn’t want to let her down anymore. I’ll never know what might have been with Alisa because she misread my intentions.
I was invited to a video shoot with Your Tango a few years ago. There were a total of five people in the videos, but I was the only man. We shot several videos, one of which was on love at first sight. You can watch it here.
The four women on the panel argued with my take on men and falling in love, but they aren’t men, so I held my ground! After the shoot, the male producer came up to me and said, “You’re so right, man!”
I don’t make this stuff up! I’ve spoken to thousands of men and women over the years and asked these questions. What I write for you is the result of my unscientific research.
Men live in the moment while women are more future-oriented. While you’re making a tally mark for each milestone you think we’ve achieved in the relationship; men are clueless about those milestones.
When Guys Fall in Love, They Fall Hard
How long does it take for a man to fall in love?
A man knows he’s in love when he realizes he’d rather be with you than his friends.
Until then, men are oblivious. For a man, falling in love happens when everything feels right, rarely at first sight. Meanwhile, you’re already in love and thinking each of these things we do means we want to marry you:
- Holding your hand
- Kissing you; not on the cheek
- Meeting his family
- Going on a weekend getaway
- Saying I love you when he’s drunk
- Gaining approval of his dog
I encourage you to date more as men do. Not because I think we’ve got it right and you don’t, but because you can’t force someone to fall in love with you, so you may as well date to have fun instead.
How Men Fall in Love
Honestly, there isn’t a recipe for how a man or woman falls in love, but I can give you a recipe for successful dating that might lead to love.
Instead of looking for milestones that don’t exist, date to have fun. Dating is about getting to know someone and the best way to do that is by having fun together.
There’s a bonus to this tactic, too, because that’s also how you build intimacy.
Many people confuse intimacy with sex. They are not the same thing. Intimacy is built through sharing experiences together.
If you want to date successfully, try some of these dates on for size:
- Go rollerblading through the park
- Attend an outdoor concert with a picnic dinner
- Visit a nearby quaint town and go window shopping
- Go bowling, golfing, or enjoy any other sport
- Attend a sporting event together
- Visit an apple orchard and pick a bushel, then make pies or applesauce together
- Take a drive through the country
- Take a cooking class together
- Go hiking, kayaking, or snowboarding
- Face a fear together, like skydiving, bungee jumping, or ziplining
These are just a few suggestions, and nowhere on that list did you see go to a restaurant and stare at one another, wishing for something to say.
Any of these activities will help you develop intimacy and form a bond with one another. They’re all fun, and none have any pressure for conversation. You can even wear comfy clothes instead of getting all dressed up! BONUS!
How Long Does It Take for a Man to Fall in Love?
Just how long does it take for a man to fall in love? On average, it takes weeks, if not months. Your guy is living in the moment, oblivious to your milestones, but suddenly, he’ll realize he’s in love with you if you aren’t pressuring him before he’s ready!
A man falls in love when he suddenly realizes he’s dating a great woman and wants to be with her instead of his friends.
Take Control of Your Relationship by Understanding Men | The Entire Series
The remaining twelve articles in this series are linked below. Each covers a nuance of being male that many women don’t understand. They highlight the differences between men and women and hopefully help you enjoy a successful relationship.
Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations.
Men view finances, love, dating, dealing with difficult situations, and communication differently than women.
Inside this book, you’ll discover how to improve your relationships by understanding these differences and learning how to overcome them and use them to your advantage.
This isn’t about playing games. It’s about understanding what he’s thinking and how he’ll best understand you.
