Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men! Part 9: Men Need to Feel Appreciated!

I have been answering your emails, every day, and the subject of “understanding men” from a man’s perspective has become very popular.

On February 24th I blogged about the 12 ingredients that go into men. Can you name all 12? You need to know these so you can understand men once and for all.

Today I want to talk about the 8th ingredient – Appreciation and why it is so important to guys and why it’s important for you to know.

Did you know that men are very sensitive? Did you know we cry all the time? OK, maybe we don’t show you actual tears but we do cry inside.

We cry out for appreciation and compliments! Under that rough and tough exterior, a man might be feeling fat, ugly, weak, or boring. A woman can change these feelings inside him, and when she does, she has his full attention. This is the perfect time to ask him out or get him to do something around the house. Heck, maybe even hit the opera with you!

OK, maybe not the opera.

Show him that his opinion matters. Give him respect. Use simple words like “Thank you”, “You’re so smart” or “You always come through for me.”

If you want anything from a man, anything like:

  • Mowing the lawn
  • Painting the bedroom
  • Spending more time with you and less with your friends
  • Being proactive with sex
  • Getting him to go out with you

Use appreciation as your tool. This strokes a guy’s ego and you already know how big our egos are!

Say things like:

  • Honey, you did such a great job with the front lawn, can I get you to mow the back?
  • Hitting that winery last week was such a blast, thank you. Can we go the Topsfield Fair on Tuesday?
  • You turned me on so much last Saturday, how about a hot tub rendezvous this Friday?
  • Thank you for standing up for me at work. Can I buy you lunch?

Showing your appreciation, even if it’s minor, triggers his happiness gene. He looks at you warmly and if you follow it up with something you want there is a good chance you’ll get it. Appreciation and compliments grab his attention, whereas complaining and negativity make him want to run away.

Psychologists advise a ratio of 5 to 1. Give him 5 words of praise to every 1 criticism.  Interesting huh?

Want to turn it up another notch? When you are in public together, say something like, “Dave was amazing last night, he struck out the last 3 batters!”

Try it. Show how your man your appreciation and you will keep winning him over. If you are single, don’t just make small talk that goes nowhere. Instead, compliment a guy you just met and want to get to know better.

Now, like everything I say in this series, you need to gauge his reactions and never over-use my suggestions. Your appreciation or compliment needs to be genuine and in context with the situation.

I can take ANY scenario, pick from the DNA tree (or the conveyor belt to manhood as I like to call it), and solve your problems that you have with men and now you can too!!

Next week, I will discuss the touchy DNA Imprint #9 – We were taught to sleep with as many women as we can.

Some of what we’re talking about today relates to how men and women love differently. While I really didn’t talk much about this above, men and women are very different in how they express their love. A man will do it through his actions – like painting the bedroom or mowing the lawn. This makes that appreciation we’ve been talking about even more important! When you appreciate his loving action, he feels your love in return. To better understand this, make sure to read Chapter 2, We Love in Different Ways, in my #1 Best Seller, To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man.

Gregg Michaelsen

Gregg Michaelsen

Gregg feels that coaching has chosen him. He grew up just as many others – in a dysfunctional, but loving family. After going through twelve years of his own failed relationships, he decided to try and decode dating for men and women. That elusive older couple sitting in the park holding hands gave him hope!

Gregg began his journey into understanding the mistakes we make in dating and how to fix them by interviewing thousands of people – happy couples, unhappy couples, singles looking for ‘the one’ and everyone in between. He reviewed his own dating experiences and combined all of this information into his series of dating advice books for men and women.

Gregg Michaelsen

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