If there’s one question I get asked the most, it’s some version of this one:
“Gregg, I’ve been dating this guy for five weeks, everything was going great. We were hot and heavy and Mark was telling me how much he liked me and we were even planning our future. Then he backed off. Texts slowed down and phone calls stopped. He says he’s been busy lately with his job and family. I got sarcastic with him Monday and haven’t heard from him for two days. What do I do coach? – Jenn
First, understand what is happening, then, you’ll know what to do. Call it genetics or the tools God gave them. It doesn’t matter; it’s inside all men.
Guys pursue women like it’s a sport. This is a man’s offense. Everything is there for him to pursue you; the challenge of trying to win you over, the competition from other men, and his testosterone. You have a lot to do with this. You’re showing signs that you’re worth the pursuit with your looks, style and confidence.
All is good for a few weeks or maybe a few months. Then, something suddenly happens.
He freaks out!
This is wha’s happening to Jenn. Mark is freaking out because men also have a defensive mode. It’s like a switch that goes off in their heads when they see what’s looming before them.
Defensive mode says:
- She’s going to take all my money
- She’s going to take away all my friends
- I’ll never be able to have sex with another woman again
It sounds pitiful doesn’t it? The funny thing is that he wants to provide and spend money on you. He wants you to take him away from his friends, sometimes, and he wants to have sex with just you. But men can be stupid and need you to show them the way. If you don’t, they’ll return to their caveman roots.
She’ll Take All My Money
In my best seller, To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man, women uncover the importance of money and status in a man’s life. This is his life’s blood. Take away these things and he loses his ability to provide.
How to Counter This
Instead of expecting him to pay for everything, offer to buy drinks here and there and show him your willingness to contribute. This is why your financials are so important.
It doesn’t matter if the guy you’re dating is rich! At least offer to pitch in occasionally. This neutralizes his illusion of losing all his money.
She is Going to Take Away All My Friends
This is another fear men have. They see it all the time with their married buddies. They can’t go out anymore with their friends. No more trips, no more playing poker on Tuesdays and no more fun…all because of that woman!
How to Counter This
You have trust in your relationship, right? Then let him do things with his friends! Let him golf on Sunday mornings and go drinking with his buddies now and then. If you do, he will want to be with you more. Go out with your own friends and do a weekend trip every now and then apart from each other. This is exciting because you are allowed to miss your significant other.
Has Your Guy Already Left? You Need the Five Steps to Get Him Back!
Do you want to get your ex back?
Check out this proven Five Step Process to Get Him Back! Work your way through these five steps and:
- Feel less emotional
- Figure out what happened to end the relationship
- Rebuild your confidence
- Toy with his psyche
- Plan your meeting with him
As you’re reading, many men come back months later. Taking these five steps helps guarantee that your new relationship will be a success!
I Will Never be Able to Have Sex With Another Woman Again
This is the controversial one! You’re wondering how I’m going to deal with this one, right? Again, I don’t make excuses for how men are, and I admit that I’m not always proud of how they’re wired, but these are the facts. God built us to procreate with as many women as we can! Ouch.
How to Counter This
Show him he doesn’t need any other woman in his life. Provide him the competition and the mystery he thrives on. Trick him into thinking he’s still pursuing you by staying one step ahead of him, not making him your hobby and joining your social network outside your relationship. Add craziness in the bedroom and you have neutralized instinct number three! Remember, men are simple creatures, it does not take much more than this to keep him by your side forever.
It doesn’t matter if it’s been five weeks or ten years with your man. Use these tactics when, and if you need them. The old midlife crisis is the next example of his defenses kicking in so get ready for that too, and counter it with the advice above.
- Don’t take his money; make him want to take care of you; show him it’s not that important to you when you contribute
- Don’t rob him of his friends; make him want to be with you and not them; letting him spend time with them while spending time with your friends
- Make him only want to be with you and no other woman; provide the competition and the mystery that he thrives on from time to time; keep things exciting under the sheets