Learning how to text a guy you like is critical in attracting and keeping a great guy. Women and men communicate very differently, and the chances are good that you’re making texting mistakes without even realizing it. You’re also probably sending texts that you think are enticing him, but they’re falling flat. Below are some great tips on how to text a guy you like.
How to Text a Guy You Like | Build Tension and Attraction
Women often text guys with stuff like, “Hey, how’s it going?” While you think this is a way to engage him in conversation, it isn’t. Instead, he reads it and quickly dismisses it as something that doesn’t require his attention, at least not now. Instead, try building some sexual tension and attraction with your texts.
Pay Attention to His Texting Habits
Communication works best when we communicate with someone in the language they best understand. I’m not talking about English versus French. Knowing how to text a guy you like means observing how he texts you.
Few men will text back right away, but if you find yourself one, your job is to reciprocate. You’re more likely to see a guy who replies anywhere from twenty minutes to two hours later.
This is normal male texting behavior. If you’re texting a guy like this, you do the same. Wait a similar amount of time to reply, and maybe just a touch longer.
No, he isn’t sitting there waiting for you to reply. He’s already moved on to something else. Get a handle on what type of texter your guy is, and then text him in kind.
Keep Him Wanting More
When you first meet someone new, there’s excitement and chemistry, and knowing how to text a guy helps build them. It’s human nature to sell your best qualities to this person to keep them interested. This comes in the form of oversharing.
While this is very common on online dating sites, it still happens or continues in person.
You get excited and want to share every wonderful thing you’ve ever done to show this guy what a great woman you are.
The problem with this is that he soon knows everything about you, and there’s no mystery. Don’t text a guy your life story. Don’t email it or share it on your first date, either.
Instead, share one great story and let him digest it. Your life is a collection of stories, and he does want to hear them all, but not all at once.
Him: “Hey, there’s a great Monet exhibit opening this weekend. Want to go?”
You: “Sure, I’d love to. I haven’t seen anything Monet since my trip to Paris last year.”
What Just Happened?
You tossed a hint of something exciting you did. A trip to Paris intrigued him, and he was curious to know more. When did you go? Who did you go with (he’s hoping it wasn’t another guy!)?
If he asks for more information in the text, don’t provide too much. Instead, you can say something like, “Maybe someday I’ll show you some of my lacy souvenirs.”
How to Text a Guy You Like | The Thrill of the Chase is Good, Except…
Men love to chase things like promotions, better cars, and nicer apartments or homes. They also love to chase women, but I’m not insinuating that all men only want to chase women.
There are players, who are only in it for the chase, and there are great men who enjoy chasing you because they’re interested in you.
The best way to get and keep him in chase mode is to avoid being available whenever he asks. At the same time, don’t dismiss his invitations every time, or he’ll think you’re not interested.
Him: Hey, are you free for dinner tonight? I was thinking the new Fusian place on State
You: Sorry, I can’t tonight. Yoga class starts in twenty. How about Tuesday?
What Just Happened?
Two things happened. First, you still showed interest, but you let him know you’re not his beck-and-call girl. He can’t just text you at the last minute and expect you to be available.
You probably think that’s a bad thing, but it isn’t. He knows now that you’re a busy woman, and he needs to work harder to get on your schedule. If he’s genuinely interested, he’ll do just that. If he dumps you, he wasn’t very interested.
And that’s the second thing that happened. You showed him you’re a busy woman. The risk of you smothering him is lower. It’s all in knowing how to text a guy you like!
Show Your Edgy Side
This lesson in how to text a guy you like could also be called, use your inner bitch. Now, I’m not talking about behaving in a mean or rude way, but in a playful way that shows your confidence and edginess.
Much like women are attracted to bad boys, men are attracted to women who show a little edginess. There’s no fun or challenge in someone who is agreeable and pleasant all the time. Strike a balance between being flirty and edgy.
Him: Heading out to The Pub tonight with some friends. Feel free to join
You: You’re lying. You don’t have friends 😅
Him: I bought a few last weekend. Hopefully, I got a good deal
What Just Happened?
You’re being playful and challenging him a bit. You’re showing an edgy side without coming across as a total bitch. Of course, you need to know if your guy can handle a comment like this, but you already did that when you observed his texting style.
Keep it Short
Women text in books. Men text very few words and don’t want to read books in a text. Instead, focus on keeping your texts short and, when appropriate, flirty.
When you understand how to text a guy you like, you know that interactions that are a bit challenging are more likely to get a response. General texts like, “How was your day today?” probably won’t even get a reply.
You: How did your big presentation go today? Get anyone fired?
Him: Nailed it! My boss should be looking for a new job by next week
What Just Happened?
First, you showed interest in something important to him. It shows you’re paying attention to what he shares and aren’t just absorbed in your life.
Second, you asked a specific question instead of the generic how was your day text. You were short and to the point.
No guy wants to read this:
Hey, I know you had your big presentation today, and I was just wondering how it went? If you don’t want to talk about it right now, it’s okay. I understand…and on and on.
Give Him Something to Work With
Men aren’t great verbal communicators. As young boys, they spend a lot of time grunting at one another. As we age, we grunt and slap each other on the back.
But, you can tease some words out of him with the right challenging texts. Knowing how to text a guy you like is all about learning how to challenge him without coming off as disinterested or aloof.
You: I enjoyed meeting your family last night. Your dad is a good-looking guy! Is he available?
Him: If you wait twenty-five years, I’ll introduce you to his twin. Meanwhile, you’re stuck with me.
You: Shoot! I hate waiting!
What Just Happened?
He should find this exchange funny. You’re just poking the bear, so to speak. He knows you aren’t interested in his dad, and you delivered a compliment without outright saying it.
I’ve said it before in this lesson on how to text a guy you like, but it’s true. Keeping things playful, mysterious, or challenging will always get you a better response than being boring as milk toast.
How to Text a Guy You Like | Set Boundaries and Command Respect
Boundaries are essential to any relationship, whether with a guy, a best friend, or your family. Yet, many people feel that setting boundaries makes them difficult or unfriendly.
Let’s look at what boundaries are, then maybe you’ll feel better about setting them.
A boundary is a line you place between you and how you will allow someone to treat you.
For example, your guy said he would pick you up at seven for dinner, but it’s seven-thirty, and he hasn’t arrived. The next step is clear if you have a boundary about being on time.
You change into your comfy clothes and put something on Netflix. If he shows up, you explain that you assumed the date was canceled since he was so late. And no, you don’t run down the hall and change.
Yes, he can stay and binge-watch Outlander with you, but the planned date isn’t going to happen.
How do you do this in a text?
Him: Hey, I’ve got an itch to see that new thriller that just came out. When can you be ready?
You: Aw, I’d love to, but that’s really short notice. Can we do it Saturday?
Him: Yeah, sorry, sure we can! We’ll check movie times on Saturday
You don’t need to be inconsiderate when setting boundaries. Just let him know he wiggled across yours and offer a solution.
Men respect boundaries, and they’ll respect you more for having them. It shows you have self-worth, and that’s a big deal.
Respect comes with time, but having boundaries immediately sets up an environment of respect if he’s a great guy worth having. When you learn how to text a guy you like, you’re also learning how to command respect.
Boundaries and respect can be naturally built for you if you develop and maintain a healthy and vibrant life outside your dating. Activities keep you busy and help you write that great story he wants to hear.
Think about revisiting or discovering a new hobby. Get involved in something about which you have a lot of passion, like animals or the Special Olympics. Join groups that share your interests.
All these things challenge you, and he sees that. Your desire for personal growth makes you mysterious and challenging. He respects your desire to better yourself.
How to Text a Guy You Like | Sex, Boundaries, and Respect
Yes, a guy wants to have sex with you on the first date, but this doesn’t mean he expects to. One of the first boundaries you should set for yourself relates to sex.
If you want a man to respect you, do not have sex with him on the first few dates. Only you hold power to say when you will have sex with a man.
I once coached a beautiful Russian woman who couldn’t understand why her great guy wasn’t replying to her texts. I asked her to show me what she was texting him, and she sent me very revealing and sexually charged texts.
They had only known one another for a couple of weeks, and her texts were too racy. He was even begging her to stop, but she wouldn’t. She couldn’t understand why these texts weren’t making him more interested in her. They were doing the opposite.
Sadly, I never got through to her. I suspect he finally just quit replying to her. She was raised to believe her worth was in her sex appeal, and I couldn’t get her to understand that it wasn’t. She was intelligent and articulate but felt her only value in what she could sexually offer a man.
Avoid Seeking Approval
When you aren’t very confident, instead of wanting to entice a man with your intellect and story, you try to win his approval. This is where many of these inappropriate texts come from – a place of insecurity.
A loser or user won’t see it for that, but a great guy will drop you like a hot potato.
Avoid sending anyone nude photos of yourself. When breakups occur, those end up plastered all over the Internet. Some sites offer men and women a venue to revenge post such images.
If your guy wants to see you without clothing, tell him he must wait until you see him in person and only if you’ve been dating long enough to know he deserves you.
Confidence is the Key
Throughout this entire article, the one thing that means more than anything else is your confidence. You’ll be afraid to try the racy and edgy texts without confidence. Without confidence, you won’t set or maintain your boundaries. Without confidence, you won’t command respect.
Confident women are women who:
- Allow a guy to have sex only after he’s proven his value in her life and not one moment sooner
- Have and maintain boundaries, with no exceptions
- Command respect because they respect themselves and are constantly working to improve themselves
- Aren’t needy
- Don’t get jealous
- Stay busy, even after there is a great guy in their lives
- Aren’t afraid to be a little edgy and playful
- Have a great story and are still writing
If you don’t feel confident enough right now to pull off the advice above, start with Comfortable in Your Own Shoes, linked below. I’ve also linked my two texting books if you think you can handle it. They will help you immensely in your quest to learn how to text a guy you like.
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