How to Bring Back Sexual Tension with Your Guy

Sexual tension doesn’t have to fade in a relationship. I’ve been studying the connection between love and sex and I see couples who love each other but have no desire to have sex anymore. This confuses me.

After years in the relationship business, I know challenge and mystery play a huge part in sexual desire. Take it away and, sexual desire might suffer.


Intimacy and sexual desire work in opposition to one another. It’s like a cruel joke. The closer we get and the more we know about one another, the faster mystery and challenge begin to die. Consequently, boredom sets in.

And yet isn’t the goal to get closer and gain intimacy with the person you love?

Yes, but there should be a balance. When two people start dating, their lives are separate and independent from one another. You naturally begin to wonder about him and your future together.

What does he do?

What’s his favorite ice cream?

How will he make love to me?

Will we get married and have kids?

These are the mysteries of the relationship. Mystery creates sexual tension and excitement. You crave being together more.

Intimacy comes from the great weekend hikes or the stay at the B&B where everything went wrong, but you still had a great time. It comes from enjoying date nights where you touch base and heading off to a winery for an impromptu weekend getaway.

Intimacy is great, but it breeds a type of boredom that can crush sexual desire.

The very closeness that you work toward takes away the independence that breeds sexual desire.


sexual tension

How to Build Sexual Tension with a Man

Get Separation

John and Sally have been married for five years and the sex has fallen off. Sally gave up her friends and hobbies to be with John, but these were some of the mysteries about Sally that John loved.

He encouraged her to spend time with her friends and pursue her hobbies again. He craved the mystery again and wanted to rekindle the sexual tension between them.

Sally took this as rejection because she wanted to love John her way without understanding his needs.

It was an invitation, not a rebuff.

John didn’t understand why either, but he knew it was better when they both had independent and separate areas of their lives.

Separation creates a sense of insecurity that allows sexual tension to flourish!

It’s good for a man to wonder, in a healthy way, what you are up to. It’s okay for him to see you dressed up to hang out with your friends.

He’ll spend the evening wondering what you’re doing, anxiously awaiting your return! This is a good way to create sexual tension in a relationship.

When you become one in your relationship, you kill sexual desire. It cannot exist when there is no independence. It’s the separation, the mystery which keeps sexual desire alive!

Using separation to change things up doesn’t mean being gone every night. Maybe it’s once a week or every couple of weeks.

If you communicate, you can find out if one of you feels suffocated.

Suffocation enters when independence exits and the sexual desire exits with it. When independence is used properly, intimacy and sexual tension co-exist. Every individual should maintain a separate part of themselves.

It’s not about keeping secrets or hiding your past. It’s about keeping part of yourself to yourself.

How to Create Sexual Tension | Delve into the Unknown

Have you ever bought a new car? Wasn’t the anticipation incredible? Then, after a few weeks, the desire for the new vehicle faded and the negatives set in – high excise taxes, five-year, high interest loan and expensive insurance.

Compare this to your relationship. It’s not that it has become bad, it’s that you know everything about each other now, just like your new car.

The earlier sexual tension and excitement hid all your flaws. To bring it back, do new things together and rekindle the unknown.

You take your old car to a race track! By placing yourselves in new situations that are outside your comfort zones, you see another side to each other that’s new and exciting.

This creates that sexual tension that existed in the infatuation stage. But you must agree to this and do this from the start. Otherwise it might be difficult to drag him off the couch.

When a couple commits to experiencing exciting date nights, five years deep and two kids later, their relationship is still vibrant because they created the unknown again.

Sexual tension can now thrive with intimacy.

Love wants to know all, but desire needs mystery. When you strike the balance between the two, you have a healthy, happy relationship.

Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you'll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They're added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

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