How to Bring Back Sexual Tension with Your Guy
Sexual tension does not have to fade in a relationship. I’ve been studying the connection between love and sex. I see couples who love each other but have no desire to have sex anymore and it confuses me.
After years in the relationship business, I know challenge and mystery play a huge part in sexual desire. Take it away and, sexual desire might suffer.
Intimacy and sexual desire work in opposition to one another. It’s like a cruel joke. The closer we get and the more we know about one another, the faster mystery and challenge begin to die. Boredom sets in.
And yet isn’t the goal to get closer and gain intimacy with the person you love?
Yes, but there should be a balance.
When two people start dating, their lives are separate – independent from one another. You naturally begin to wonder about him and your future together.
What does he do?
What’s his favorite ice cream?
How will he make love to me?
Will we get married and have kids?
These are the mysteries of the relationship. Mystery creates sexual tension and excitement. You crave being together more.
Intimacy comes from the great weekend hikes or the stay at the B&B where everything went wrong (but you still had a great time). It comes from date nights where you touch base and heading off to a winery for an impromptu weekend getaway.
Intimacy is great, but it breeds a type of boredom that can crush sexual desire.
The very closeness that you work toward takes away the independence that breeds sexual desire.
How to Build Sexual Tension with a Man
Take John and Sally. They have been married for five years and the sex has fallen way off. Sally gave up her friends and hobbies to be with John. These were initially some of the mysteries about Sally that John loved.
He pushed her to start spending time with her friends and pursuing her hobbies again. Their intimacy was overwhelming for him and he craved the mystery that had disappeared. The sexual tension was all but gone.
Not understanding his motivations, Sally took this as rejection. She wanted to love John her way without thinking about or understanding any of his needs.
John needed space from Sally to bring back the sexual tension that was originally created when they each lived their own independent parts of their lives.
It was an invitation, not a rebuff.
John didn’t fully understand the why either, but he knew it was better when they both had their independent and separate areas of their lives.
Separation creates a sense of insecurity that allows sexual tension to flourish!
It’s good for a man to wonder in a healthy way what you are up to. It’s okay for him to see you leave dressed up to go out and hang out with your friends.
He will spend the evening wondering what you’re doing and anxiously awaiting your return!
This is a good way to create that sexual tension in a relationship.
When you seek to become one in your relationship, you kill sexual desire. It cannot exist when there is no independence for both partners.
It’s the separation – the mystery which keeps sexual desire for one another alive!
Use separation to change things up.
This doesn’t mean you’re suddenly gone every night. Maybe it’s once a week or every couple of weeks.
If you communicate with one another, you can find out if one or the other is feeling suffocated.
Every individual should maintain a separate part of themselves, whether in or out of a relationship.
It’s not about keeping secrets or hiding your past. It’s about keeping part of yourself to yourself. This might be things you’re working on or fantasizing about.
How to Create Sexual Tension | Delve into the Unknown
Have you ever bought a new car? Wasn’t the anticipation incredible? Then, after a few weeks the desire for the new vehicle fades and the negatives start to set in – high excise taxes, 5-year, high interest loan and expensive insurance.
Compare this to your relationship. It’s not that it has turned bad, necessarily, it’s that you know everything about each other now – just like your new car.
The earlier sexual tension and excitement hid all his (and your) ‘dents.’
So how does your old ‘car’ become exciting again? Do new things together. This creates the unknown again.
You take your old car to a race track!
By placing yourselves in new situations, that are outside your comfort zones, you see another side to each other that is new and exciting.
This, again, creates that sexual tension that existed in the infatuation stage.
But you must agree to this and do this from the start. Otherwise it might be difficult to drag his ass off the couch.
If a couple commits, from the beginning, to do exciting date nights even 5 years deep and 2 kids later, then they keep the relationship vibrant by creating the unknown again.
Sexual tension can now thrive with intimacy.
Love wants to know all – desire needs mystery. When you strike the balance between the two, you have a healthy, happy relationship.
Keep the Sexual Tension Alive!
A great man isn’t hard to find or hard to keep if you know how to do it! In my first dating advice book, Who Holds The Cards Now, I help women diffuse potentially negative situations with techniques that work! Inside this book is what I call Kryptonite. Kryptonite consists of five powerful techniques you can begin using as soon as you read about them. This book contains tools to help you:
- See an immediate, noticeable change in his behavior
- Build his attraction for you – again
- Get him to make more plans with you, less with his friends
- Solve your relationship issues without whining, complaining or getting emotional