How to Choose Between Two Guys
If you’re reading this post today, I take my hat off to you. You have an interesting dilemma. You have two men who want to spend time with you – two men who may even love you. You’re faced with an intriguing problem – how to choose between two men.
Chances are, your relationships with these two guys is somewhat different. With one, there is probably a sense of comfort – perhaps normal. He’s always there for you and he makes you feel safe. The problem with this guy might be that there’s no heat.
Enter guy number two. The second guy, who is probably the second one to enter your life, provides the heat you feel is missing with guy number one. You love being with him. It’s exciting and fresh but, when push comes to shove, you don’t feel that sense of safety. Being with him doesn’t feel like home.
I know all I’ve done so far is confirm your problem so now, it’s time to learn how to choose between two men.
Step 1 | Cover the Basics when Choosing your Man
These questions will help you gain clarity:
Which guy is ready for your definition of a commitment?
Do your friends like him? Which more?
Does your family like him? Which more?
Does he respect you? Which one more?
How does each guy handle arguments?
Does your dog like him?
Have you uncovered any vices?
Do his friends think highly of each?
Do your morals and beliefs align for the most part?
Will politics be an issue with either? Religion?
Take away the sex – which would you prefer to be with?
Who has the better car and makes more money (Haha…shallow but why not throw it in ?)
The first thing I suggest is to separate yourself from both relationships, meaning if you’re living with one of those guys, at least take a weekend retreat somewhere where you can clear your head and think without the interference of one man or the other.
Separation from both men will help you make a more intelligent decision. This is your life you’re talking about. I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but if you’re really laboring over this decision, it’s a big deal to you and it deserves your full attention!
What do YOU Want?
You know what both of these men want. Hopefully, you have taken the time to get to know both of them and know where they stand on the important things in your life. If you haven’t had those conversations, you should try to get a handle on where they both stand on things that matter to you before you choose.
But, what are those important things? What are your values? Take some time, during your separation, to determine what you truly value. Don’t fit your values to one man or the other. Be honest with yourself. Look to your gut and your past actions for help.
When faced with crises, what choices do you make? Your values lie within those choices.
Also, look back over past relationships. What were the positive and negative traits of the men you’ve dated previously? List them out for each of your past beaus and look for patterns. Are all of them college educated? Do they all drink? Only you can determine what’s positive and negative but make a list for both.
Repeating positive characteristics are those you should look for while repeating negative characteristics are those you should avoid. Prioritize the positive and negative traits and then, evaluate each guy, fairly and honestly against your lists. This may be all you need to do but if you’re still not sure, keep reading!
How to Choose Between Two Guys | Consult Your Heart
I know you are here because you feel you love both men, but I guarantee your feelings for each man are different in some way. One man probably gets your motor revving while the other makes you feel warm and fuzzy.
Neither is right or wrong. What you need to decide is whether or not you want heat, which will undoubtedly wain with time, or comfortable.
You have to observe whether you are truly in love with each man or whether lust is playing a role. Lust can parade around in your life, looking and feeling like love, but when you boil it down, it’s just sexual attraction with no true feelings of love.
You might love being with him, but do you love him, really?
Are You Avoiding a Decision?
Something else you want to do is make sure you’re not avoiding the decision. Chances are, in your gut you know which guy you really want to choose. Is the problem a fear of making a decision?
When someone asks you “Where do you want to go for dinner tonight?” and you say something like “Oh, I don’t know, you decide”, it’s a red flag. It’s a red waving flag if this is always your response.
Does it take you 30 minutes just to decide which shoes to wear or what dress you should put on for work?
Do you break out in a sweat over deciding which food to order or whether you want a caramel macchiato or a peppermint latte?
Avoiding decisions is a symptom of a bigger problem – anxiety and/or low confidence. You don’t trust yourself to make good decisions so you question each one over and over. If you feel you’ve let good men go in your past, for example, this decision could be killer for you.
You may fear that, no matter which decision you make, it will be wrong. If this is the case, or if you feel depressed, you should seek the assistance of a professional. Deciding on which man to continue dating is not your real issue but once you resolve your anxiety or depression, the answer will become clear.
What NOT to Do
There are things you shouldn’t base your decision on as well.
Money really shouldn’t be a consideration unless one of them is really foolish with his money. What I’m saying here is don’t choose the guy who makes the most money if both are financially stable. By the same token, don’t ignore the financial signals in lieu of lust. He’s not going to change because he can get into your pants more often.
Don’t decide solely on sex. Yes, sexual chemistry is important, but so are other things like common values and beliefs. If you find yourself saying, “Well he doesn’t want kids but I know I can get him to come around – and besides, he’s GREAT in bed!” you’re fooling yourself.
Don’t choose the guy you think Mom will approve of. Mom doesn’t have to marry this guy – but you might. Your choice needs to be based on whether or not you two are truly a good fit and whether or not you think your feelings for him are based on love, not lust.
Forget choosing a guy you think you can change. If you don’t love him right now for who he is, you’re not going to love him any more in two years. You can’t force someone to change and you can’t nurture a loser into Mr. Right. If you don’t like who he is now, he’s not the right one, regardless of how hot he is.
And finally, but perhaps most importantly, don’t make a decision because of some deadline, imagined or otherwise. I don’t care if your biological clock is ticking or your parents are withholding your inheritance until you’re married. Having a carrot dangled over your head as impetus to make a decision is just about the worst way to do so. No good decisions are made this way.
The Choice is Yours
Ultimately, the choice is yours. Yes, one man is likely to be disappointed and this can be difficult to wrestle with, but if he’s a good guy, he will understand and if he acts like a jerk over it, you know you chose the right one!
Take your time to make this decision. It’s possibly the decision of a lifetime. Keep your friends and family, as well as both men, away while you’re contemplating the choice. If you do so, you will recognize that, regardless of your choice, you’ve done what’s right for you.
Need help in deciding? Then I have the best seller for you!
Know How To Choose A Great Guy
I would not be doing you a service if I didn’t provide you with tools to Weed Out The Users, The Couch Potatoes And The Losers. These guys are smooth and many of you fall for their great looks and unwavering charm! The problem is that it’s the smooth ones you often want to avoid! Not only do I go more in-depth on that topic, but you’ll learn:
- Patterns of behavior for users (players), losers, snoozers and of course, Mr. Right
- Tools to help you dump a user or loser if you’ve already got one and methods to turn the snoozer into Mr. Right
- Why you choose the wrong men and how to choose the right ones instead!
- The (un)importance of milestones to men and why you need to stop using them in your relationships