How Many Dates Before Sex?
First Date Sex? My thoughts are evolving on this subject as I listen to my readers and hear what is actually happening on Saturday nights.
My initial advice has always been to only have sex after a man has proven his worth through a series of tests that you put him through – without his knowledge of course.
Right now, I want to ‘tweak’ my advice to fit what I am hearing more and more – people want instant gratification and they don’t want to wait for it.
In other words, they want sex now!
I get it.
Younger people are having sex on the first or second date. Older women might have gone years in a sexless marriage and want their sexual desires satisfied now – not when the two of you decide to be exclusive.
Time after time, I get the email saying, Gregg I f****d up – I slept with him too soon now what?
Having sex on the first or second date can lead to some awkward moments. You know, like getting up in the morning, hungover, and wanting to get the heck out of there. And then wandering if he will treat you with respect for having sex so soon.
So what if you could change your mindset? What if you could go into the date thinking,
Hey, what happens will happen. If I feel comfortable enough and want to have sex with this guy, I’m going to go for it and have no regrets. I’m not going to let myself get attached. I am going to treat this like I just got what I wanted!
That’s a bold, new way of treating the age-old question of – how many dates before sex should I have?
It’s how you react to him after you have sex that matters
This is where it gets good! Now you can use all my best tactics to lure him in.
You treat him like you are the ‘player guy.’ Get out of his bed (or car) and go home without cuddling. No love notes, no “I had a wonderful time please call me”, bullshit. If he is at your apartment, kick him the heck out!
I don’t even want you to remember his dogs name.
Yes, you heard me right…and I love dogs.
Grab his number (you should have the night before) but don’t call him. When he texts, and he will I bet, get back to him on your own sweet time. Then, when he plans a date, postpone it, and set it up at your convenience.
Basically, do the opposite of what you want to do – assuming you like him.
What? Why? You’ve been drinking Gregg! I have a been lately but not I don’t drink and write.
This is brilliant actually. You lost some of your power by sleeping with him so soon and this is how you gain it back. This creates sexual tension all over again. You show him that you were the one who got what you wanted – guys are not used to this.
This puts his precious ego in a tail spin because he just got introduced to your two, little, friends:
Challenge and Mystery!
This was taken away after having sex – but your after-sex reaction has re-introduced it. Now, he knows he must work hard to get you back in the sack. And even harder if he wants to be your boyfriend. He is quickly learning that he didn’t win anything last night – there is no follow-up to the evening reminding him how awesome he was.
Nope. Just the sound of crickets. Chirp. Chirp.
Put an expiration date on him like milk in the frig
You did great! You have lured him in because you are gauging his interest in you and reciprocating the same amount (or less) interest towards him. You are also dating others so you have choice and options. This keeps you busy and you are less likely to care about any single guy.
And it’s working.
Now, set the time when he needs to step up his game and become exclusive with you – if that is your goal. This might be two months or four months – you make the rules. At that time, you challenge him to crap or get off the pot or you move on. No exceptions. Remember, you have other choices because of your vibrant social life.
This ultimatum works because you are coming from a position of power that you earned through your earlier moves. You are never whining and begging for him to become exclusive. Nope. It’s not necessary.
Wrapping Up | How Many Dates Before Sex?
If you have the confidence to pull first date sex off then forget the old rules and do it. Decide what is best for you. Care less how he will feel towards you. Have fallback guys in case this guy reveals himself as a total player.
Keep your emotions in check by realizing it was you who got what you wanted and not just him.
The key here is to prove, afterward having sex, that your time is valuable, and he is not – at least not yet anyway.
Now, you can go back to the old rules and do your screening while you set a time limit on his butt!