How Many Dates Before Sex?
How many dates before sex? This is a question more people should ask. My initial advice has always been to have sex with a man if and only if he’s proven his worth through a series of test you put him through.
But I feel as if I should change this advice, based on what I’m hearing more and more. People want instant gratification and they don’t want to wait for sex.
I understand. Really I do.
Younger people have sex on the first or second date. An older woman who’s been in a loveless, sexless marriage for a long time may want her sexual desires satisfied now, not when you decide to become exclusive.
But then there are the emails. They go something like this, “Gregg help me! I screwed up! I slept with him too soon!! Now what do I do???”
Sex on the first or second date leads to awkward moments, like getting up in the morning hungover, wanting to escape as quickly as possible. Then you spend the rest of the day wondering if he’ll treat you with respect after having sex too soon.
What if I could help you change your mindset? Or what if you could go for long-term gratification?
If you don’t want to wait, imagine going on a date and thinking, “Whatever happens happens. If I feel comfortable enough and want to have sex with this guy, I’m going to go for it and have no regrets. I’m not going to let myself become attached. Instead, I’ll treat this as if I got just what I wanted!”
That is a bold way of treating the age-old question of how many dates before sex?
What Really Matters is How You React to Him After
This is where things get interesting! You can have the upper hand in the situation if you treat him like you are the player. Get out of his bed and go home without cuddling. No love notes. None of this, “I had a wonderful time. Please call me.”
If you’re at your place, kick him the heck out! Don’t even take the time to learn his dogs name.
Get his number, which you should have done the night before, but don’t call him. When he texts, and I’m sure he will, get back to him in your own sweet time. That’s what a man would do.
When he offers a time for the next date, change it to a time of your convenience. I know this goes against every womanly instinct you have. It’s bold and it’s scary for you. But, it’s exactly what a guy would do, but you’ve beaten him to it.
When you slept with him too soon, you lost some of your power in the relationship, but these moves quickly help you regain that power. You’re practicing what I call Man Mode. You’re doing what a man would do, but you beat him to it.
It’s an excellent move that men don’t even see because it’s their go-to. Still, because it’s a woman doing it, it inserts an element of challenge, which guys need in a relationship. Without him recognizing what you’re doing, you’ve turned the tables on him. You’ve become the one who got what she wanted out of the date, instead of him.
This puts his ego in a tailspin because not only did you become challenging, but you are acting mysteriously.
Why Are Challenge and Mystery so Important?
When you had sex with him too soon, you took away his challenge of getting you into bed. There isn’t anything for him to look forward to. But, your behavior after sex turned things completely around because you acted in a way he wasn’t expecting.
Now, instead of you being the one at a disadvantage, he’s left with understanding that he didn’t win a thing on your sex date.
You didn’t follow up with the usual ego-boosting, “Last night was so awesome! I hope we can do that again sometime soon!!!”
Nope. You didn’t even reply to his text right away, which is very unwomanly of you. As if that weren’t enough, when you did reply and he asked you out on a date, you accepted but changed the day and time. This says you’re a busy woman who has other things on her plate besides going out with him.
He recognizes that if he wants to get on your schedule, he needs to earn that spot. He needs to try harder to win your attention and get that treasured date with you.
Challenge and mystery keep a guy on his toes. They make him excited for the next time he sees you. Imagine if, on the next date, you’re wearing something completely different, style-wise, from the last date. This throws him a little. Mystery.
You want him wondering what crazy thing you’ll do next. How can he stay a step ahead of you? You want a guy to feel these things. But, you don’t need to use challenge and mystery all the time. Pull them out when he’s getting lazy in the relationship. He’ll snap right back to attention!
Set a Time Limit
If you follow this advice, you’ll be in a great position to lure him in. You’re gauging his interest and reciprocating with the same level of interest.
If he waits two days to reply to a text, you wait at least a day to reply back, unless it’s a time-critical text like, “Hey I just landed tickets to tonight’s baseball game. Wanna go?” Reply to that text. Otherwise, wait, just like he did.
Don’t show him any more attention than he’s showing you. If you don’t hear from him for two days, don’t panic text stuff like, “Hey are you okay?” or “Have I done something to upset you?” These are low-confidence texts; no guy responds well to those.
Meanwhile, remember you aren’t in a committed relationship. You’re free to date other guys. He’s dating other women, so don’t’ be afraid to do the same. Only a low confidence woman demands exclusivity from a guy before either of them are ready.
What’s the time limit about? Determine how long you’re willing to wait for him to decide he’s ready to be exclusive. It might be anywhere from two to four months or longer. You make the rules but be reasonable. If you’ve only been on two or three dates, wait a few months for that type of commitment.
When that time comes, challenge him to make a commitment or you’re moving on. No exceptions. Remember, you’re dating other men and you have options. This guy isn’t the only one out there and he knows it.
If he decides he doesn’t want a commitment, no tears or sadness. He wasn’t the one. Boot him to the curb and move on but keep that lesson in mind. The answer to how many dates before sex is more than two or three.
And How Many Dates Before Sex Should There Be?
The answer is that there should be enough for you to be sure he’s not a creeper or a player, and for him to prove his value in your life. The truth is that there are many things to consider, like whether he’s even truly single or if he’s a losesr hiding in a great guy’s clothing. A loser can act like a great guy for a short period of time, but eventually his true colors show.
I have a few articles for you to read on the subject:
- Six Tests to Prove He’s Single
- Date With Your Head, Not With Your Heart
- Should I Move in or Move On?
- Are You Dating a Loser?
How Many Dates Before Sex?
I’m sorry to tell you there is no right answer for this. If you’re looking for a hookup and you don’t care how a guy feels about you after, go for it. But, if you want to build a long-term relationship with a guy, you’re better off to wait. Studies have shown that people who wait for long-term gratification over short-term are happier, and this includes sex.
If you do have sex with a guy early in a relationship, make sure you have the confidence to carry out the behaviors mentioned above. Only you know what’s best for you. Just be sure to keep your dating options open until you have a commitment and, for heaven’s sake, be careful.
Keep your emotions in check by realizing it was you who got what you wanted and not just him.
If you have sex with him early in the relationship, prove to him that your time is valuable, and he is not, at least not yet anyway.
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