Are You Dating a Loser?

Are you dating a loser, like one of my readers, Evelyn?

Evelyn wrote to me six months ago ut a sad but all-too-common situation. She has allowed me to share her story with you.


In the last six months, I’ve been dumped by no less than three guys. They all told me how happy they were initially and then either totally disappeared or slowly faded away.

What am I doing wrong?

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to date anymore for fear of getting hurt again.



Evelyn has a great career and keeps her life vibrant with friends and hobbies. She’s a busy, positive, and happy woman. On the surface, there isn’t a good reason for her to be in this position.

So, it was necessary to dig deeper into what was happening. I assumed she was making the usual mistakes, like not creating enough challenges or making him her hobby, but she wasn’t.

Evelyn has read several of my books and articles and knows how to handle a man. So what happened?

What Was Evelyn’s Problem?

It was time to look at Evelyn’s situation through a new lens. With her help, I examined all three guys, plus a few other men she’d dated, in search of the common denominator.

Of course, all these men were somewhat similar. We tend to keep choosing the same type of person without realizing it, so it makes sense that the result is the same.

In this case, Evelyn was going after the loudest and funniest guy in the room, a personality type opposite of her father. It’s OK to pick that type of guy as a target, but more screening is needed.

This is where Evelyn was failing herself. She went all-in immediately without first making sure these guys were worthy of her. They weren’t.

dating a loser

How to Know if You’re Dating a Loser

Evelyn grew up with negative male role models. Her father was demanding and unfeeling, and she was drawn to men who appeared to be otherwise by their fun-loving outward appearance.

The men she chose fulfilled a need in her, but they weren’t any better for her than the men of her youth. These men were toxic and did her a favor by exiting her life.

What Evelyn was missing was a BS detector for men. She needed a way to decipher which guys were losers, which ones were users, and when she’d found a great guy.

Signs of a Player

A player, or user, is a guy who spots a low-confidence woman at fifty paces and goes in for the kill. He sees something in her that he can benefit from and is ready to go after it.

If a guy approaches you, saying all the right things and listening to you, there is a great chance he’s a player. If you’re unsure, the player will text you immediately, maybe even before you make it home. He wants another date as soon as possible, so he can get what he wants from you: sex or money.

He’ll ask seemingly innocuous questions like when your next day off is or how you’re getting home. This tells him how soon he can get another date and get into your pants. If he wants your money, he’ll inquire about your job.  

The shy guy is the one you want to pay attention to. He hasn’t practiced his lines on one hundred women before you. He wants to talk to you, and now, he is tripping over his tongue in nervousness.

Root for this guy. He is the one who’s more likely to be the great guy, and he’ll probably feel more comfortable around you once you accept him.

There are more signs that you’re dating a loser, which you can find in the book below.

Signs of a Loser

A loser is different from a player. While a player knows he doesn’t want anything long-term, a loser thinks he does.

Neither is capable of long-term love, so neither is a good fit if you’re looking for something that lasts into eternity.

This guy truly believes he wants to be in a great relationship, but when he gets close, he goes rogue.

A loser probably has some relationship trauma in his past. Either his parents had a bad relationship, or he experienced one that ruined him. There are women out there you should want to pound into the ground for ruining otherwise great men!

This guy is fearful that past failures will come back again, making him non-committal when it’s time to get serious.

A loser might get married, but he’ll never be 100% in. This type of guy can be lazy and selfish, not excited about doing things with your family and friends. He always has an excuse.

You’ll find more on dating a loser in the book below!

Signs You’re Not Dating a Loser – You Have Mr. Right!

Mr. Right is the ultimate goal, so you and Evelyn both need to know what that type of guy looks like too!

A confident man, aka Mr. Right, accepts responsibility for his life. Instead of blaming shortcomings on someone or something else, he owns it, learns from it, and moves forward. He also has goals and a plan for the future.

This guy is enthusiastic about dating you, not just in the beginning but months into your relationship.

Mr. Right will do what he promises and show up on time. He is respectful of you and those close to you and would never dream of embarrassing you or arguing with you in front of others.

dating a loser

How to Stop Dating a Loser

If you have a loser on the hook right now, it’s time to get rid of him! Don’t allow your fear of being alone to get in the way. You’ll find a great guy soon, but first, you need this guy to go away!

If you’re single and not in a relationship, great! I’ve linked a second book below, Riding Solo, and it’s the perfect time to read it!

Take this time to build your confidence. We draw people to us who are most like us. Even if you have a great job, hobbies, and friends, your dating confidence may be low. Guys, sense this. Great guys stay away, and the losers and users move in closer.

Your best defense against dating a loser is to rebuild your dating confidence. To do so, be sure to get both books below! Neither costs much, but both will help you tremendously!

Wouldn't you love to know how to Weed Out the Users, the Couch Potatoes, and the Losers? Well, good news! Help has arrived! You'll learn how to spot the various types of losers roaming the dating scene, and how to recognize the great men. Discover how to dump a loser if you've got one in your life right now and attract great men. Learn more about this book here or click one of the buttons below to get your copy today!

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

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