How to Keep a Guy From Getting Bored
I have been answering your emails, every day, and the subject of “understanding men” from a man’s perspective has become very popular.
On February 24th I blogged about the 12 ingredients that go into men. Can you name all 12? You need to know these so you can understand men once and for all.
Today I want to talk about the 12th and final ingredient – How to Keep a Guy From Getting Bored
A man who is always chasing a woman is a man who will never get bored. This can be you when you first meet a man or after 25 years of marriage. Challenge and mystery are at the very cornerstone of attracting and keeping a guy. These are your mainstays. Remember these two thoughts:
- How can I challenge this guy? and
- How can I stay mysterious to him?
Do these two things, consistently, and you will own men!
Stay One Step Ahead of Him
He goes to the gym, you have already been to the gym. He wants to explore or expand a hobby, you have three going on. He comes out of the shower – you have his clothes lined up and you’re gone. You know he wants to plan a golf trip with his boys – you say do it, and you go to Vegas with the girls.
This shows him you are quick on your feet and have a life outside of his. You love him but he had better keep up. Suddenly, he doesn’t feel comfortable sitting on the couch all day while you are always one-upping him with cooler, more important things. Can you sit on the couch with him all day? Of course, but don’t let it happen all the time.
Be “Less Intense”
Men usually have to be pretty serious at work – you might need to be too. When a man is out on a date, he wants to be more relaxed and have a good time, where you generally want to talk about serious stuff. Be less intense with your guy. Don’t be so easy for him to get to know. Let him continue to be intrigued by you. He doesn’t need to hear your entire life’s story on the first, second, third, fourth or even fifth date. He wants to work at getting to know you. Be a little aloof (not silly, aloof).
Many people go into a relationship with a list of things they’d never do. “I would never ride that rollercoaster!” or “No way would I ever touch a snake!” Even comments like “I never eat dessert after 7:00 p.m.” tell a guy you’re pretty rigid and closed-off. This tells him you’re not going to be much of a challenge, or mystery. He will quickly know what the rules are with you, and this is not challenging at all! If he says “Hey would you like to try that new zip-lining place next weekend?” At least say you’ll think about it (then honestly give it some thought). If it truly causes you to curl up in the fetal position and break out in a cold sweat, chances are he’ll understand, but offer up something that is still exciting but more in your comfort zone – maybe even promise to reconsider!
Never Let Him Get Bored
He zigs, you zag. He thinks you can’t do a pushup, you crank out 10. He knows your favorite ice cream is butter pecan – tonight, its black raspberry with a baby scoop of chocolate chip cookie dough on top. You always wear jeans? Break out the little black dress. Never stop learning and surprising him with new things.
Keeping him interested is fun! You are always trying and learning fresh stuff. If I am living with you and you come home with a gardening book on growing upside down tomatoes , I will just laugh and say, “Babe what’s up with the book on growing upside down tomatoes?” I won’t care how you respond, I will just be amazed and amused by the fact that you all of a sudden took an interest in upside down tomatoes! Have I ever dated a woman who was interested in upside down tomatoes? No. Will I ever? No. Will I always look at an upside down tomato plant and think of you? Yes.
I don’t want you to do these things just for your man. No! I want you to keep growing and trying new things for yourself! The bonus is, of course, this guy will never get bored with you and this becomes a key ingredient to keeping your man.
As crazy as this may sound – do it! It works.
Share Your Opinion
Stop sometime and listen to two men who are talking. They constantly challenge each other by taking a different stance on any given subject. The first guy says one football receiver is the best, while the other says his choice is better and they continue on, discussing the reasons behind their choices. They don’t argue, they just share their different opinions, and they rarely back down. This strengthens their bond and you can do the same. Try this with a guy.
Of course, to share an opinion on certain subjects, you need to have knowledge of those subjects! This is why I keep encouraging you to engage in as many experiences as possible – so you can have an opinion on as many subjects as possible. This makes you interesting and allows the challenge with men to exist. To be really effective, find out what he’s passionate about, study up, and be ready for the next opportunity you get to talk with him about it!
A new man doesn’t really know what interests you. You are a mystery to him. Finding out what makes you tick is a challenge to him, and men love the thrill of the hunt! As time passes, though, women tend to spill their guts – they tell their whole story. The mystery is gone. For men, so is the excitement of dating you! Even if you manage to get this guy to marry you, he will get bored soon.
Women argue with me often that they shouldn’t have to change who they are to please a man, and I agree. I’m not telling you to change who you are, at your core. Think about it this way. Do you think you will be the same person at 35 that you were at 20? Will you be the same at 50 as you are at 35? Of course not – why? You changed.
Rather than fight me telling you change is good, embrace the inevitable. If you have found a high value man, he will change too. It’s how we continue to evolve as humans!
Take a Few Risks
I’m not saying you need to risk life and limb, but try something new that feels risky, to you. It could be something as simple as a new hair style or a new hair color! Find the new pub in town and invite him out for an evening of beer and his favorite sport on TV there. Schedule a weekend trip someplace new. These all have some level of risk, even if it’s small. It is something different – a mystery. Shock your guy by knowing the players on his favorite team when you get to the pub! Surprise him on the weekend adventure with skydiving lessons. Risk. Mystery! You both grow!
Keeping Some Secrets to Yourself
You have many, many layers – you are an onion, but you smell a whole lot better! Save a few inner layers for later in the relationship. Who you dated, for how long, what you did with them and what they were like are perfect examples. Some of your sexual fetishes or fantasies are good examples too.
Keep Him Guessing – Break His Label
People like to label others, it is our nature. If I see you playing softball I might label you as a jock. If I see you laughing and screaming with your friends, I may label you as an extrovert. Then, I see you all dressed up at a charity acting shy! This confuses me because you messed up the label I gave you. Now my curiosity is piqued and I want to learn more about you. You have become a mystery to me and it’s driving me wild! You are like a chameleon! You are not doing this just for your man, you already have these traits, I’m just telling you to bring them to life and let the world see them!
Break Your Routine
This is very similar but applies more to a relationship. By breaking your day to day routine, you can fascinate a man. This is healthy for you too. It forces you to do different things, meet different people and keep growing, while being in a relationship.
Give Him Space
I’ve mentioned this before, but it is worth repeating. Let your man have his own space – somewhere he can retreat to, either alone or with his buddies. Let him have things he does that are just his. You don’t need to follow him everywhere he goes or do everything with him. Have your own hobbies and let him have his. Sure, show some interest in what he’s doing, but if you have your own hobbies, he’s going to be intrigued in what you are doing too! Mystery!
Now you know How to Keep a Guy From Getting Bored!
I can take ANY scenario, pick from the DNA tree (or the conveyor belt to manhood as I like to call it), and solve your problems that you have with men and now you can too!!
I hope you have enjoyed this series covering men’s 12 DNA Imprints and how to use them to your advantage! Next week, I get into my new book that’s on deck – Weed Out The Users, The Couch Potatoes, And The Losers.
Learning to moonwalk
Gregg began his journey into understanding the mistakes we make in dating and how to fix them by interviewing thousands of people – happy couples, unhappy couples, singles looking for ‘the one’ and everyone in between. He reviewed his own dating experiences and combined all of this information into his series of dating advice books for men and women.