Damn! I Slept With Him Last Night!
I got an email recently from a concerned reader. The essence of her email was, “Gregg Help! We slept together now what?” Don’t panic. Even though you woke up this morning lying in bed with an almost total stranger snoring next to you, all is not lost.
I’m not here to judge you. Hey, we’ve all been there at one point or another. I just want you to know what your options are and how to best handle this situation if you like this guy.
To understand your dilemma, you need to understand men. Guys look for sex and then love. They look to have fun in the moment.
Women look for milestones to prove love:
- We slept together
- I met his friends
- I met his family
- He took me away
You think these milestones mean he is falling in love. What you don’t understand is that most good men are clueless when it comes to milestones. When a man first meets you, he is interested in one thing – getting to know you and having fun doing it!
When you wake up next to a guy, you may be feeling you’re already in a real relationship, but he is only thinking about how much fun he just had.
What can you do, now that you slept with him?
We Slept Together Now What – Recovery Move #1
Get out of there! Don’t try to make excuses for yourself. Forget the “I’ve never done this before in my life” speech. He’s heard it at least a few times before so even if it is true, he won’t believe you.
Don’t bother with a note, glowing about what a great time you had and please, don’t try to give him a backrub. He probably doesn’t want one. As quietly as you can, grab your stuff and leave.
If he wakes up and offers coffee and a bagel, you can accept, but be brief and then leave. Say you’ve got a busy day and keep moving. Be kind of course, but go! If he’s awake, a little peck on the lips is fine. One final thought – don’t even think about discussing a second date – yet.
We Slept Together Now What – Recovery Move #2
Don’t assume all is lost! At this point, he’s probably thinking you do this with other guys. He may feel he doesn’t want to chase you any more – the relationship isn’t special. It lacks mystery and challenge.
What you need to do is show him you had fun, just like he did. Don’t make more out of it than it was. Don’t start talking commitment. Don’t believe you’re in a serious relationship. Relax and enjoy the ride just like he is.
Your gut will tell you to shoot him an email or text, again trying to explain yourself. Don’t. This is a huge red flag – on it is printed “I have no confidence”. He won’t judge you as much on the first date sex as he will on what you do after. Remain calm and cool!
We Slept Together Now What – Recovery Move #3
Now that you’ve let him know you were just having fun, it’s time to draw him back into the chase. This could be your hardest move. You must continue to play it cool. Don’t reach out to him. Let him reach out to you. If he does, he’s still interested. If, after a couple of weeks, you haven’t heard from him, it’s time to remind him you’re around.
You do this with a cheeky, confident text. It might go something like this, “Hey Gregg! I’m going to Jasper’s this Saturday to grab some wings! You in?”
Skip the emoticons. Be brief and casual. You’re going to be there already if he wants to come. This shows confidence. This draws him back into chase mode if he’s still interested.
We Slept Together Now What – Recovery Move #4
Before your first date, you probably texted like crazy. Maybe he even texted a couple times after you slept with him, but now, the texts are slowing down or they’re gone altogether. This means you’ve lost some credibility with him but you can get it back!
You must remain cool. Don’t panic and start blasting him with texts. Instead, wait at least two weeks, if not three or four. If you’ve got history together, wait two weeks, otherwise, wait three or four. What you want to do now is accidentally bump into him somewhere like the gym or someplace you know he hangs out. Be casual and say “Hi” as if nothing happened. Now, he’s got you back on his mind and that’s right where you want to be.
We Slept Together Now What – Recovery Move #5
If he responds to your attempts to reach out, you can slide into a temporary position as friends. You needed to be there first and now is your chance to reboot. Much like your last recovery move, this one involves shooting him a casual invitation – something like, “Hey Jim, I’m meeting a few friends for pizza at The Pub this Saturday afternoon. Come hang out with us”.
This is a let’s be friends request, not a date. You’re just going to hang out with friends. It takes the pressure off of the relationship and puts you back to having fun together. You’re also taking the pressure off by making it a daytime activity. If he fails to respond, move on. He’s either not quality or he’s already moved on himself.
We Slept Together Now What – Recovery Move #6
If he asks you on an official second date, it’s important to reestablish your boundaries. This date is key in letting him know you’re not going to sleep with him again until he has earned that place in your life.
The best way to do this is go on a date which doesn’t lend itself to sex afterward. Go on a day date or out to a restaurant or concert somewhere. Meet him there so he doesn’t end up at your place after. Don’t say something like, “Well let’s not let the same thing happen this time”. If he tries to get into your pants on the second date, it’s time to give him the heave-ho! Set your boundaries and hold onto them. If he respects you, he’ll respect your boundaries. If not, move on!
We Slept Together Now What – Recovery Move #7
Even though you only had one date with this guy, you can bet you were, and probably still are on his radar screen. Whether it’s mutual friends on social media or common interests or haunts, he knows where to find you if he wants to. Play this to your advantage. Don’t worry about looking good for him. Look good for any man.
The last thing he wants is for another man to steal you away. If he sees you out, looking hotter than ever, he knows other guys are seeing you too. Now I’m not saying go to the grocery store in heels and a tight skirt. Make sure he sees that you’re still on the market and if he wants to be your man, he’d better get busy letting you know it!
We Slept Together Now What – Recovery Move #8
It’s time to get busy. Women have a tendency to go all in early on in a relationship. Even when you feel you’ve made a mistake by sleeping with him, you don’t compensate by falling head-first into relationship mode. Instead, get back into your hobbies if you have some. If not, it’s time to find a hobby. Get passionate about something like Special Olympics or animal rights.
When you’re busy, you’re not only building confidence but your mind is occupied and you’re less focused on this guy and whether or not he still wants to date you. Being busy also helps you keep from looking like you want him more than he wants you. When he reaches out, reward him by honoring his request but don’t be the one to reach out first.
We Slept Together Now What – Recovery Move #9
If and when the next time comes for sex, be ready to knock his socks off. Since this next time will be after a few dates and after he proves himself to be worthy of another time in the sack with you, you will have learned more about him. Find out what it is that attracts him to you. Ask him sometime about his fantasies.
When a next time for sex comes, be ready to fulfill his fantasies. Don’t just have sex, make it an encounter that tells him he’ll never find another woman like you! In that moment, let him know that you’re the woman who wants to please him. Listen and learn so you’re always stepping up your game. Hint: He will most likely return the favor!
We Slept Together Now What – Recovery Move #10
This last recovery move will be difficult. You have to check your emotions at the door. You’re probably not going to hear from him for a few days, if not weeks. This can get frustrating quickly. It causes anxiety and maybe even a little anger inside you. Don’t lash out at him. Don’t start shooting him angry texts.
Men don’t know how to manage your emotions. It makes them want to run fast in another direction. A woman cries and a man shrugs his shoulders. Not because he doesn’t care but because he doesn’t know what to do to fix it.
If you’re feeling emotional, call your mother or your girlfriends but don’t text him. It’s okay to feel those things, it’s just not okay to let him know.
Yes, you made a blunder when you slept with him on your first date, but it’s not the end-all to your relationship. If you remember to remain cool and calm, you’ll be well on your way to surprising him. Keep your emotions in check and let him text or call you first to let him begin chasing you and remember to be attractive for all men, not just for your guy.
Men have expectations about how a woman will react after a first-date sex night. By doing the opposite of what he expects, you are setting yourself up to be a one-of-a-kind woman, rather than just another one-night stand!
Gregg began his journey into understanding the mistakes we make in dating and how to fix them by interviewing thousands of people – happy couples, unhappy couples, singles looking for ‘the one’ and everyone in between. He reviewed his own dating experiences and combined all of this information into his series of dating advice books for men and women.
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