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Are You a Clingy Girlfriend? 6 Behaviors to Avoid

Build a Great Relationship, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

How to Not be a Clingy Girlfriend

Jessica contacted me and asked if she was becoming that clingy girlfriend after three months of dating.

She said her Zeus was pulling away and not responding to her texts like he used to. Jess said her friends are wondering why she is acting so weird around this guy – like she lost all sense of herself.

She knew she was a hot mess but didn’t know what to do about it.

Jessica had become a clingy girlfriend!

Being clingy is a subjective quality. One man might be OK with ‘clingyness.’ While another will feel cooped up. That’s why it’s important to know what type of man you are with.

I solve this issue in my best seller Manimals: Understanding Different Types of Men and How to Date Them.

For most men go ahead and cling one day but ‘uncling’ the next. Run to your social life for a weekend and then run back to him. This is the best of worlds for both of you.

He loves the independence he gets. He also loves the mystery and excitement of missing you. You, on the other hand, get a loyal boyfriend that keeps desiring your ass!

So gauge your man and keep him guessing by adjusting your level of clinginess. Of course, this can only be accomplished by a high-value woman who has a life outside of her man.

Let’s first identify the clingy girlfriend signs and then solve the issue.

Clingy Girlfriend Signs

Look at your phone

Too much of this is not good!

Do you see one of his texts to your three? Are his texts one sentence to your paragraphs? How much time does he take to respond compared to how much time you take? And who always texts last?

Of course, these are all rhetorical questions.

If the ratio is disproportionate then you have become, or are becoming, a clingy girlfriend.

Is he your hobby?

Have hobbies of your own. Participate in his. And by all means have a hobby together.

But never make him your hobby!

This is what women do because it’s natural for you. But it kills a relationship. Men need to feel like they have some sort of freedom even when they have been married for ten years and have three kids.

I call this ‘perceived freedom.’ Give it to him! No, we are not talking freedom to go to Vegas for a week. We are talking about letting the poor man have a life outside of yours – Every now and then.

Last year my buddy Ted couldn’t even grab a drink with me because his wife would not let him. I hadn’t seen him in two years. She was so damn clingy and insecure that it wasn’t worth it for Ted to say hi to me over a couple of beers.

Really?

Guess what? They are separated as we speak. Ted couldn’t take it anymore.

Tell me about your social life

If your answer is that you have none outside of his, then, Houston, we have a clingy girlfriend problem.

Cling to your friends and family!

I know that you have no time and that you are crazy busy at work blah, blah, blah.

I’m not buying it. What matters is your friends and family in my book. Boyfriends are in second place. Husbands are family so they count but I still put them on equal footing with your close friends.

Close friends and family will always be there. Boyfriends and husbands? I give less than a 50/50 shot of being there to the end unless you follow my advice – and so far I only have a quarter million who do 🙂

Your social life keeps you busy outside of your relationship. It keeps you experimenting with new things that you can share with him. You become more interesting and mysterious which he likes. And, by default, you can’t make him your hobby because you have friends to see and places to be!

Who are you around him?

Tell me, are you the same person that your friends and family know and love around your significant other?

In fact, don’t answer – I want your friends to answer for you. What would they say? Is that funny, cool and self-confident woman in the house around Johnny? Or has she left the room because she doesn’t believe Johnny would like her?

If a woman changes her persona to fit what she believes her man would like to see, then she is on her way to becoming a clingy girlfriend mess that he will never take to.

You’re always suspicious

If you are weary of him trying to pick up a woman every time he is with his friends you are a clingy girlfriend. Your time would be better spent building strong memories or pennies in the jar as I like to call them.

Do this and there will never be a woman who can steal him from you! When I interview elderly couples that have remained together, I’m amazed at the power of all their shared experiences. There is no way someone else could replace so many memories. Their relationship becomes bullet-proof.

Do you get angry when he wants to be with his friends?

That’s a quick way to become clingy to a man and get dumped. Guys are fearful of three things when entering a relationship. Neutralize these and you are home free!

Will she take my money?
Will she take all my friends away?
Will this be the last woman I ever sleep with?

*I am not always proud of my gender, but these are the facts.

Watch as I hammer this point home with world renowned Dr. Helen Fisher in NYC.

How to not be a Clingy Girlfriend

Text him 50% less than he texts you.
Text like he does – short and to the point. Then, make sure he is the one texting last.

Pursue your hobbies and passions full speed ahead!
Make them a priority not him. The more that he sees that he is not your #1 priority the more his willingness to try harder will kick in. It’s a DNA thing and it will never change!

Keep a vibrant social life.
The more friends that you have the more confident you become because they push you to live outside your comfort zone. Your time becomes valuable and you have options if your man goes rogue.

Always be yourself.
If he doesn’t love you just the way you are then dump his lame ass! He signed up for you and not just the best parts of you. If you are a confident woman that makes you high-value, so there is no reason to change if he doesn’t like the woman he sees. The only change needed is him!

Pile up those pennies!
Forget becoming suspicious about ‘someone else.’ If he wants to have an affair there is not much you can do to stop him. Instead, concentrate on building those memories and your relationship will be bulletproof.

Let him go to his friends.
In fact, encourage him to go. Be nice about it. Then, look your hottest and head out with your friends prior to him leaving and watch what happens next. Your pink smartphone is going to light up!

Clingy Girlfriend Conclusion

Don’t put the cart before the horse! Men are secondary – the furry prize on the top shelf. They come after you have discovered who you are and what you stand for. They come after your confidence and self-esteem have been built up and your career and financials are in place.

Build Yourself and He Will Come!

This phrase sits proudly at the top of my website for a reason.

Cling safely my friends!

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Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you’ll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They’re added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

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The 7 Reasons Why Men Come Back Months Later

Get My Ex Back, Understand Men

You and your boyfriend break up, and he doesn’t care about you until months later, long after you stopped caring about him. Curious isn’t it? Why do men come back months later? There are several reasons for this and here are seven of them!

Why He Left: The Challenge is Gone

Nothing worth having comes without a fight. You’ve heard this phrase before, and oh does it apply to men! The challenge was lost the day you moved in together and became exclusive. The key is to keep the challenge going long after the newness of your relationship wears off.

Be crazy, good crazy, not bat sh*t crazy. Break your routine. Maintain your friendships. Keep your hobbies and join in one of his, but never make him your hobby. This keeps him on his toes.

As part of my ongoing research, I interview couples who’ve been married for forty years or more. When I ask what their secret is, men say, “I felt like I never caught her – I still haven’t!” Women just smile. They know the secret!

The 7 Reasons Why Men Come Back Months Later

Reason #1 The Grass Wasn’t Greener after All

When you first broke up, he was partying like a rock star but now he’s bored. What a surprise! He realized other women don’t except his flaws like you do. Staying apart from you means he needs to lose weight, make more of his own money and treat people with more respect.

This seems like a lot of work but there’s an easier way, and that is to come back to you.

Reason #2 He’s Testing the Waters

Your ex wants to be single, but he doesn’t want you to be single. If things don’t work out in his singles life, you’re his fall back plan. Don’t allow this to happen!

If he tries to beg his way back into your life, make sure he has a plan accompanied by real action before you take him back, and that’s assuming you’re still single.

Reason #3 Why Men Come Back Months Later | He Wants to Get Laid

You make him feel like he’s the greatest guy out there, so he believes every other woman sould also. Now, he knows he’s dead wrong. He’s having a difficult time getting any sex, let alone good sex. In his mind, you still want to have sex with him, so, months later, he’s texting you again.

Reason #4 Memories

Memories are tough, which is why it’s important to build as many powerful, fun memories as possible in your relationship. These are pennies in the jar of your relationship. Men come back months later when something reminds them of you – even if they’re dating someone else.

Older couples say they’ve stay together because they have so many wonderful memories together, memories no one else can replace. Be sure to have plenty of memories in your next relationship.

Reason #5 Why They Always Come Back | The Pressure from Friends and Family

Men listen to the important people in their lives because they trust them. When their friends and family start piling on reasons why they shouldn’t have left their ex, it sinks in.

They listen and think about the the memories, sex, and unconditional love they received from you and soon, they want to come home.

Oh the Mysterious Ways of Men!

There's no way for a woman to know intuitively what to expect from a man. That's why I'm here! There are many differences between men and women and this article shows you a few. But there are others. Click the button below to read those articles too!

Reason #6 He’s Ready

Some guys genuinely need a break to think about things. This isn’t a bad thing. Many have issues to fix. I know because I was one of those guys who couldn’t love because I saw my parents fall apart in front of me; I was bitter and confused but I got help.

How do you get over a guy you never really dated?

A healthy male comes back when he realizes he would prefer being with you over being single and hanging out with his friends. That, my friend, can happen in a New York minute if you do the work and become a confident woman.

Reason #7 You’re A Challenge Again!

I saved the best for last because this is the Mount Everest of reasons why men come back months later. Make positive changes in your life. If you need to lose weight, do so, for you. Find a hobby to enjoy. Get passionate about something. Make new positive friends. Have fun!

What does this do? It builds confidence and makes you interesting and attractive because you are happy with new stories to tell and, as a bonus, you look great!

Do you take him back? Hell no! You laugh in his face and flaunt your new guy in his presence. Am I being vindictive? Yeah, maybe.

There you have it – why men come back months later!

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Should My Boyfriend Have Female Friends?

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Should my boyfriend have female friends?

If you’re old enough, perhaps you think Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan settled this in their blockbuster rom com of 1989, When Harry Met Sally. He said no, men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. She thought this was absurd.

The real question at play is this: can a man and a woman be friends without an undercurrent of romance?

So who got it right?

As with anything else, the answer to this question depends on who you ask in a scientific study. While the movies have pursued this more than social science has, still, we have a little bit of data we can examine to find an answer for you.

I often say that I make no apologies for my gender and this is no exception. As it turns out, according to a study conducted at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, men firmly believe that any woman they know is attracted to them.

The study, which included 88 pairs of male-female friends-only subjects, shows that the men studied felt the level of attraction their female friends had was much greater than it truly was. Additionally, the men in the study showed a higher level of sexual attraction to their female friends than the females felt toward the men.

The women in the study less frequently indicated that they were sexually attracted to their male friends. It would be a real disappointment to the men if they knew, I’m sure!

Should My Boyfriend Have Female Friends?

To answer the question fully, we need to add another element to the mix. Your own confidence, and perhaps his. Confidence plays a big role in jealousy and if you’re asking this question, it’s probably because of jealousy.

People who are jealous generally lack confidence. Science tells us that jealousy is related to:

Low self-esteem
Moodiness, anxiety and emotional instability
Feeling inadequate in the relationship – you’re not good enough for this guy
Codependent relationships – one or both of you rely on the other too much for emotional support; your mood hinges on his, if he’s away from you too much you melt down, etc.
A tendency toward the feeling that your relationship partner will leave you or won’t love you enough

So, this brings us back to the original question, should my boyfriend have female friends? The answer is a little more complicated than yes or no.

Science tells us that if your boyfriend has female friends, he might overestimate how much his female friend is attracted to him. This could be an ego boost for him, indicating he may be lacking some confidence of his own. He has some need to see how many women he can find who will like him.

On the other hand, not all men feel this way. After all, nothing is 100%. Your guy could genuinely feel no attraction to his female friend. He may really just want to be friends with her.

Why Men Want Female Friends

The study explored reasons the men gave for wanting female friends. It turns out that men want:

A female perspective on the mind of their girlfriend – an interpreter of sorts – someone who speaks female
The female side of things when they need advice
Someone who can provide them with emotional support
A woman with whom they can easily discuss their emotions
Someone with whom they have shared experiences
The possibility of romance

There were other reasons, but these are the highest ranking. With older men, having someone to pal around with was also high ranking as was having someone to have fun with.

Some of the men’s reasons for wanting a gal pal aren’t so bad. They want to understand you better and they want someone other than their girlfriend or wife to go to for emotional support.

That one is big because men don’t navigate their emotions like women do. The fact that men want someone with whom they can be free emotionally isn’t a surprise. Men aren’t usually raised to show emotions so it’s new territory.

A guy in a new relationship might not want to jeopardize his standing with you by showing you his emotions. He might not yet be sure that you’ll respond in a way which will make him feel understood and not judged.

As time passes, if you show him you’ll accept his show of emotion without trying to fix it or judge him, he will share these things with you.

The Truth: It Depends

The answer to your question is that it depends on you and your guy.

If you’re both confident, he probably has innocent reasons for wanting a female friend. They may have been friends since they were both in diapers. They may have suffered a tragedy together or experienced something huge together. Their history might make them uniquely bonded, but not romantically.

If you recall the data I cited earlier, the odds of a female friend feeling the same sexual attraction to your guy as he feels toward her is low. She’s much less likely to think of him as a potential boyfriend.

If one or both of you are lacking confidence, this isn’t going to work. Your jealousy will make you distrust him. His lack of confidence means he likes the feeling of more than one woman being attracted to him.

A female friend for a man can be very comforting and can give him the decoding he needs from time to time. If you respond to something he says or does in a way that confuses him, he has a gal pal to go to for interpretation.

Chances are, he’s clueless as to what he did or, said but a female friend can bop him on the head and say, “You bozo, she wanted you to tell her those shoes were great. She didn’t want to hear, ‘uhhh I guess they’re okay’.”

He can do a mental head-slap and come back to you, apologetic and in a better position to understand what he did to tick you off and why. He’ll even know how to fix it.

You must know your level of confidence and his. Here’s a hint – if your confidence is low, his is also low. Confident men don’t go for low-confidence women.

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I’m Pushing Him Away with My Insecurities | How Can I Stop?

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Am I pushing him away with my insecurities? You’ve met Mr. Right and all of a sudden, he’s all you can think about. Day in and day out, your mind is on your new guy and how great he is. You spend way too much time wondering if he feels the same way about you.

You fixate on him by sending multiple texts, emails and phone calls a day. But what happens? He pulls back! This is crazy! He seemed to feel something for you. Why is he retreating?

Not understanding the problem, you text more and try harder by cooking his favorite meals and inviting him for dinner. You try buying his favorite beer or suggesting you hang out at his favorite place. He might show up occasionally, but you can feel his detachment.

So you continue to try harder.

The next thing you know, he rarely answers your texts and you don’t see him. He’s gone rogue in a big way.

What happened? Did he find another woman? Did you do something to push him away? What’s going on?

What’s going on is that you did indeed push him away with your insecurities.

Your attempts to win him back only made things worse because you went the wrong way. You fixated on him more and more. Of course, the more you fixated on him, the more he retreated.

It’s time to learn why.

Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities | Your Mind Plays Tricks on You

Your mind is a master at playing tricks on you. Your conscious mind operates based on past history so, in the past, when a man became distant, he left. That’s what your mind knows.

When you meet a new guy and things are all hot and heavy, your mind says, “Hey, this is looking good so I’ll proceed as before.”

You feel those squishy feelings of love early on, probably too early. You’re totally hot for this guy and every minute spent with him, either by text, phone or FaceTime, is like gold.

Unfortunately, your history is that guys leave. Why else would you be dating a new guy? Working off past history, your mind says, “Eventually, this guy will leave too.” This stirs up your insecurities.

What you might start asking yourself is, “Am I pushing him away with my insecurities?” And, consequently, what can I do to become more secure? That answer will come soon.

Subsequently, You Obsess

The more rogue he becomes, the more you feel panicky and anxious. The more anxious you become, the more you obsess.

Of course, you don’t want him to leave! You want him to stay! He’s awesome!! What can you do to get him to stay with you?

Your obsessive thoughts are like a runaway train, speeding along too fast and errant. You text him all the time with stuff he doesn’t want to read like “Hey what’cha doin?” or “What’s up?”.

When he doesn’t reply, your mind starts playing tricks again. Thoughts like, “He’s gonna leave. They all leave” roll around and your obsession becomes a little more intense.

These thoughts are anxiety run amok. It’s your mind running forward with worrisome thoughts that aren’t as fact-based as they seem. These anxious thoughts feel real, though, and you don’t seem to have any other facts to deny them.

Is Your Relationship Over?

Do you think your relationship is teetering on the edge of disaster? Has he aleady left? This is a great article for sure, but there are others! Just click the button to read them.

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Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities | He Pulls Away

Of course, the problem is that the more obsessing you do, the less he responds. Oh, he’ll root for you for a while and give you hope by saying things like “No, everything is fine, I’m just super busy at work.”

But, things aren’t fine and he isn’t super busy. He may already be dating someone else or at least thinking about it.

Why?

No man wants to be your hobby, and that’s what he’s become. He doesn’t want you doting on him and he definitely doesn’t want to answer thirty texts from you a day.

It’s a Vicious Circle

He’s pulling back and you’re ramping up your texts, furiously trying to pull him back in. But, the unfortunate truth is that all your efforts to win him back are confirming for him why he needs to leave.

At some point, you get the message that says, “I need some space” or “I think we should see other people”.

And that brings us back to the beginning. You’re frustrated, angry, disappointed and upset because you don’t know what happened.

Again, it’s time to as yourself, “Am I pushing him away with my insecurities?”

Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities | It’s a Confidence Thing

A confident woman doesn’t spend one iota of time worrying about whether a guy is into her. Nope. No siree. A confident woman knows that any guy she dates is a guy she has carefully chosen to be part of her life. HE is lucky to be dating her!

When your insecurities get the better of you, it’s because your dating confidence is low. You don’t believe a guy could ever want to be with you for an extended period of time and when one does show interest, it’s hard to believe.

You double down your efforts to keep him, but those efforts are transparent and he immediately sees your lack of confidence. He might not identify it in that way and most guys won’t tell you that’s why they’re breaking up with you, but he knows.

What Can You do to Change?

You’re asking, “Am I pushing him away with my insecurities?” The answer is yes, and while this relationship is probably lost, there is time to work on yourself before meeting another guy.

Take a Small Dating Break

Take a break from dating. It’s very difficult to improve your dating confidence while you’re in the middle of a relationship. The work you need to do is best done while you’re single. Building your confidence isn’t just about dating; it’s about uncovering who you truly are. What types of men are you really attracted to? You may find that the answer isn’t what you expect.

This break should last as long as it takes for you to believe you deserve a great guy. When you recognize that you’re the chooser and not grateful to be chosen, you’re just about there!

Until you truly believe both of those things, keep doing the work.

Change Your Inner Game

Now that you’re on a dating break, it’s time to work on your inner game. That inner voice that was telling you each guy would run is what needs to go! Each breakup you’ve experienced has caused your dating confidence to decline. This feeds that response your mind has conjured up.

It’s time to work on a new response to dating. It’s time to believe that you have what it takes to keep a great guy, without making him your hobby.

All those canned responses to being in a relationship need to be altered from negative to positive. Right now, you’re allowing your mind to feed you stuff like:

I’m not good enough for him
No good guy will ever like me
I’m not worthy of dating a nice guy like that
All guys leave eventually

Moving forward, those negative statements should be replaced:

I’m good enough to date any man who’s worthy of me
A great guy will be attracted to me
I am worthy of dating a nice guy like that
A great guy will love me for who I am and he’ll stay

These thoughts don’t turn themselves around overnight. It takes conscious effort to change negative thinking into positive, but you can do it with motivation and determination.

What’s your motivation? Finding the guy of your dreams!

Where do you find determination? It’s already there, within you, waiting to be set free. Your determination will grow as your confidence grows. The more you blossom into a confident woman, the more determined you’ll feel!

Work on Your Confidence

You keep hearing about building your confidence, but how do you do that? What does it mean to build confidence?

Perhaps we should begin by defining confidence: confidence is your belief that you can do something. This means that you can have an abundance of confidence in your ability to do your job or raise your kids, but you can have low confidence about finding a great man.

Many women who reach out to me are in exactly this situation. You are not alone. What are some things you can do to build confidence?

Set Boundaries

Boundaries are essential. They are the line we draw between how other people want to treat us and how we will accept being treated. Many people who have low confidence have few to no boundaries. It’s scary to set boundaries because doing so might make someone upset with you and you can’t stand the thought of that.

I understand, but allow me to ask you this question. Why would you allow someone to treat you badly? Your answer is because you’re afraid they’ll stop being your friend, right?

Well, a true friend wouldn’t dream of crossing your boundaries. The question you should be asking yourself is why does that person think it’s okay to walk all over you and treat you like a doormat? Is that how friends treat friends or is that how people treat others they know will accept their bad behavior?

Having boundaries helps you build your confidence, and it also helps you get rid of toxic people in your life. If you have a boundary that says no sex on the first date, a great guy will not only honor you for it, but respect you. A schmuck will push and push until you give in, and if you don’t, well, you’ll never see him again.

Good! Sianara!

It will be difficult at first to stand up for your boundaries, but once you start, you’ll feel empowered and confident. Confidence builds upon itself, so the more you build, the more you’ll find.

Face Your Fears

It’s so easy to allow fears to keep you from doing things. You’re afraid to fly so you stay home all the time or only go places you can drive to. But you’re missing out on a whole big part of the world by allowing this fear to rule your life.

You may be afraid you’ll die alone, without ever finding happiness. But do you realize that many people lie on their death beds wishing they’d taken more chances? They wish they had faced more fears!

Facing fears is a great way to build your confidence because the voice inside that’s been saying “I can’t” suddenly becomes the voice saying, “I can!”

How do I Stop Pushing Him Away with My Insecurities? You Stop the “It’s Always Me” Thoughts

I’m sorry to tell you this, but his world doesn’t revolve around you.

No, I’m not calling you an egomaniac. Your low confidence forces you to believe everything he does, positive or negative, is about you. He doesn’t want to come over and watch a rom-com with you? It’s because he doesn’t like you.

He doesn’t want to meet your parents on a Wednesday night? It’s because he isn’t serious about you.

Those are the false truths your mind has conjured up. Try to see the facts of a situation. He wasn’t in the mood for a rom-com. Or, he wanted to hang with his friends. Maybe, he was exhausted after a long work day and didn’t want to meet your parents when he wasn’t feeling 100%.

Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities | Unload Old Relationship Baggage

Men sniff out a bitter woman from one hundred paces. If you have old relationship baggage, you seem as bitter. This isn’t productive if you want to begin a new relationship and have any chance at success.

If you find yourself saying, “Men really suck” or “All men are liars,” you need a time out to unload past hurt. It’s heavy relationship baggage that’s pulling you down into a pit of feeling worthless and unworthy.

Chances are, you don’t even realize you’re lugging this baggage around. It sneaks up on you. First, it’s just a few small items, then you add few more. Then a big one piles on, and another.

By carrying baggage around, you’re carrying past hurt and anger. A guy dumps you and you’re hurt. Instead of forgiving and moving forward in a healthy way, you hold onto that hurt. For a while, there’s a payoff. Your friends and family feel sorry for you, so the hurt stays.

Then, you find another guy and he dumps you for another woman – your best friend no less. Not only are you hurt, you’re angry with them, but you keep it bottled up inside.

Instead of forgiving, you carry it around and it fits nicely with the hurt of the last breakup. This continues until the baggage you’re carrying leaves you jaded and bitter.

Carrying past hurt and anger is causing pain to one person – you. You’re allowing someone to live rent-free in your head, to sabotage your thoughts and hold you hostage. It’s time to forgive. Forgiveness isn’t for the person you’re forgiving and doesn’t make what they did to you okay. It relieves you of the responsibility of carrying the negative emotions associated with that person. It frees up space in your mind for happiness.

Alter Your Communication Skills

Effective communication is key in any relationship. When you communicate with a potential or current boyfriend, it’s a big deal to get it right.

The problem with communication is that you usually come at something from your own perspective. When I was a boy, I needed new hockey skates. I demanded that my mother buy me some. This got me nowhere. Had I come at her from her point of view, I would have had new skates.

What I should have said was, “Hey Mom, if I help you around the house this weekend with some chores, can I get new hockey skates?” Then, I’m recognizing that she’s a busy woman and I’m offering to help her so she will help me.

You might not need new skates but you still need to keep this lesson in mind. Take a few moments to assess a situation from the other persons point of view. Did your ex really avoid you for the reasons you conjured up, or was there something else?

Check Your Paranoia at the Door

Allow your partner to earn your trust and vice versa. To do that, avoid paranoid behaviors that cause trust to deteriorate.

Trust can be a tricky one, because if you’ve experienced a distrustful relationship previously, you’ll be more cautious, perhaps even too cautious. What you must remember is that each person earns or ruins his trust with you on his own. Your trust in one person should never be based on anyone’s past except that one persons.

Just because your last boyfriend cheated doesn’t mean all men cheat. It means that one did. And if your last boyfriend was financially irresponsible, it doesn’t mean your next guy will be too.

If you don’t trust him but there is no basis for your distrust, it’s probably your issue. Trust issues are common so don’t feel like it’s only you. Be real with what you believe, trust him until he proves to you he can’t be trusted and keep your eyes wide open so you don’t trust someone you shouldn’t.

Snooping through his phone or email is not trustful. Sneaking around town, looking to see if he’s where he said he would be is not trustful. If you find he’s cheating on you or lying to you, dump him. He doesn’t deserve you. Otherwise, trust him and grow that trust into a beautiful relationship.

Become an Independent Woman

This one is HUGE. Co-dependent relationships NEVER work. I recently spoke to a 17-year old girl whose parents have been divorced for several years. While her mother has her act together, her dad is another story.

She stated to me that when her dad and his new wife, who is 12 years younger, are apart from one another for more than twenty-four hours, they come undone. She asked me why. I told her that they were co-dependent. She said, “Yeah, I don’t want to be like that!”

I affirmed her belief and told her how she could stay an independent young lady. Her mother is a great example, which I pointed out to her. I told her to be strong, to be financially stable and to be sure of herself. She also told me she doesn’t want to date and is really just enjoying her life as it is right now. This tells me she’s on the right track.

When you’re an independent woman, you won’t get sucked into a co-dependent relationship. What does it mean to be independent? It means you don’t rely on a man for your happiness and your mood isn’t determined by anyone else’s. It means you know what you want and how you plan to go about getting it.

You have goals and you’re driven to chase after them. You know any man would be lucky to be great enough to get and keep your attention. It means you have a life outside of your relationship and it includes hobbies, activities, adventures and friendships.

Independence comes with confidence, so the more confident you become, the more independent you’ll be.

Am I Pushing Him Away With My Insecurities?

By asking, am I pushing him away with my insecurites, you’re taking the first step in fixing the problem. You recognize something isn’t quite right, but you can’t put your finger on it. Now, after reading the information above, you hopefully have a better understanding of how you can fix things.

If you’re insecure, you will chase men off. The only men you won’t chase off are insecure men. This leads you down the path to a co-dependent relationship. In order to be one-half of a successful relationship, build your confidence, believe you’re worthy of a quality man and develop higher self-esteem. You need to be independent, strong, financially stable and baggage-free.

This is all possible! I know you can do it!

It's Time to Understand Men!

Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations.

Men view finances, love, dating, dealing with difficult situations, and communication differently than women.

Inside this book, you’ll discover how to improve your relationships by understanding these differences and learning how to overcome them and use them to your advantage.

This isn’t about playing games. It’s about understanding what he’s thinking and how he’ll best understand you.

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