How to Not be a Clingy Girlfriend
Jessica contacted me and asked if she was becoming that clingy girlfriend after three months of dating.
She said her Zeus was pulling away and not responding to her texts like he used to. Jess said her friends are wondering why she is acting so weird around this guy – like she lost all sense of herself.
She knew she was a hot mess but didn’t know what to do about it.
Jessica had become a clingy girlfriend!
Being clingy is a subjective quality. One man might be OK with ‘clingyness.’ While another will feel cooped up. That’s why it’s important to know what type of man you are with.
I solve this issue in my best seller Manimals: Understanding Different Types of Men and How to Date Them.
For most men go ahead and cling one day but ‘uncling’ the next. Run to your social life for a weekend and then run back to him. This is the best of worlds for both of you.
He loves the independence he gets. He also loves the mystery and excitement of missing you. You, on the other hand, get a loyal boyfriend that keeps desiring your ass!
So gauge your man and keep him guessing by adjusting your level of clinginess. Of course, this can only be accomplished by a high-value woman who has a life outside of her man.
Let’s first identify the clingy girlfriend signs and then solve the issue.
Clingy Girlfriend Signs
Look at your phone
Do you see one of his texts to your three? Are his texts one sentence to your paragraphs? How much time does he take to respond compared to how much time you take? And who always texts last?
Of course, these are all rhetorical questions.
If the ratio is disproportionate then you have become, or are becoming, a clingy girlfriend.
Is he your hobby?
Have hobbies of your own. Participate in his. And by all means have a hobby together.
But never make him your hobby!
This is what women do because it’s natural for you. But it kills a relationship. Men need to feel like they have some sort of freedom even when they have been married for ten years and have three kids.
I call this ‘perceived freedom.’ Give it to him! No, we are not talking freedom to go to Vegas for a week. We are talking about letting the poor man have a life outside of yours – Every now and then.
Last year my buddy Ted couldn’t even grab a drink with me because his wife would not let him. I hadn’t seen him in two years. She was so damn clingy and insecure that it wasn’t worth it for Ted to say hi to me over a couple of beers.
Guess what? They are separated as we speak. Ted couldn’t take it anymore.
Tell me about your social life
If your answer is that you have none outside of his, then, Houston, we have a clingy girlfriend problem.
I know that you have no time and that you are crazy busy at work blah, blah, blah.
I’m not buying it. What matters is your friends and family in my book. Boyfriends are in second place. Husbands are family so they count but I still put them on equal footing with your close friends.
Close friends and family will always be there. Boyfriends and husbands? I give less than a 50/50 shot of being there to the end unless you follow my advice – and so far I only have a quarter million who do 🙂
Your social life keeps you busy outside of your relationship. It keeps you experimenting with new things that you can share with him. You become more interesting and mysterious which he likes. And, by default, you can’t make him your hobby because you have friends to see and places to be!
Who are you around him?
Tell me, are you the same person that your friends and family know and love around your significant other?
In fact, don’t answer – I want your friends to answer for you. What would they say? Is that funny, cool and self-confident woman in the house around Johnny? Or has she left the room because she doesn’t believe Johnny would like her?
If a woman changes her persona to fit what she believes her man would like to see, then she is on her way to becoming a clingy girlfriend mess that he will never take to.
You’re always suspicious
If you are weary of him trying to pick up a woman every time he is with his friends you are a clingy girlfriend. Your time would be better spent building strong memories or pennies in the jar as I like to call them.
Do this and there will never be a woman who can steal him from you! When I interview elderly couples that have remained together, I’m amazed at the power of all their shared experiences. There is no way someone else could replace so many memories. Their relationship becomes bullet-proof.
Do you get angry when he wants to be with his friends?
That’s a quick way to become clingy to a man and get dumped. Guys are fearful of three things when entering a relationship. Neutralize these and you are home free!
Will she take my money?
Will she take all my friends away?
Will this be the last woman I ever sleep with?
*I am not always proud of my gender, but these are the facts.
Watch as I hammer this point home with world renowned Dr. Helen Fisher in NYC.
How to not be a Clingy Girlfriend
Text him 50% less than he texts you.
Text like he does – short and to the point. Then, make sure he is the one texting last.
Pursue your hobbies and passions full speed ahead!
Make them a priority not him. The more that he sees that he is not your #1 priority the more his willingness to try harder will kick in. It’s a DNA thing and it will never change!
Keep a vibrant social life.
The more friends that you have the more confident you become because they push you to live outside your comfort zone. Your time becomes valuable and you have options if your man goes rogue.
Always be yourself.
If he doesn’t love you just the way you are then dump his lame ass! He signed up for you and not just the best parts of you. If you are a confident woman that makes you high-value, so there is no reason to change if he doesn’t like the woman he sees. The only change needed is him!
Pile up those pennies!
Forget becoming suspicious about ‘someone else.’ If he wants to have an affair there is not much you can do to stop him. Instead, concentrate on building those memories and your relationship will be bulletproof.
Let him go to his friends.
In fact, encourage him to go. Be nice about it. Then, look your hottest and head out with your friends prior to him leaving and watch what happens next. Your pink smartphone is going to light up!
Clingy Girlfriend Conclusion
Don’t put the cart before the horse! Men are secondary – the furry prize on the top shelf. They come after you have discovered who you are and what you stand for. They come after your confidence and self-esteem have been built up and your career and financials are in place.
Build Yourself and He Will Come!
This phrase sits proudly at the top of my website for a reason.
Cling safely my friends!