Want to Make Your First Dates Better? Try These Tips

Want to Make Your First Dates Better? Try These Tips

Date Great Men, Understand Men

I’m not here to tell you to take a shower before a first date and make polite small talk. Here are a few things often overlooked—but they make a big difference!

Try not to pepper us with questions

Women like it when men ask them questions but it doesn’t necessarily work the other way around. I get it if you’re nervous—trust me. Nobody wants an awkward silence on the first date.

My best advice is to calm down, find a topic that you’re both interested in and then have a great conversation! Talk about what you think and he should follow suit (without you having to ask what he thinks about something every time.)
Bonus tip: avoid the true terrors of first dates: dumb questions! “Have you ever traveled,” “What hobbies do you like?” and the truly ugly “What’s your favorite (enter food, color, etc. here)?”

Spice it up—ditch the restaurant!

Restaurants are go-to first date spots because they’re more or less neutral territory. But it may be a good idea to hit up something a little more ‘off-the-beaten-path’ like a hookah bar or a bookstore. Heading to Barns & Noble for a coffee and some book browsing is way better than sitting around waiting for your dinner—especially if you need to duck out early because your date has zero personality.

Keep some of the most interesting bits about you out of the conversation

This might feel like you’re not putting your best foot forward, but it’s an extremely good tip for two reasons. First, we all want to impress our dates and to do that we tell them about the cool places we’ve been and the interesting things we’ve done. But if we start blabbering on about it without any context surrounding it, it’s going to come off conceited, like you’re saying it just to say it. If you’re dying to tell him you snowboard, don’t blurt it out while discussing his family. And if the subject never comes up at all—keep it under wraps until the next date!

Secondly, if you tell him all the coolest parts about you on the first date, it makes you a bit less interesting the next time you go on a date with him. If you speak Spanish and bring it up on date 4 or even later, that drives the point home: “wow, what else does she do that I don’t know about?”

Never call him after

It was sound advice decades ago and it remains the same today. Ladies, wait for him to call you after your first date. He’s going to find you more exciting if you don’t call him and if he doesn’t call, who cares? You’re not going to woo him on the second date if you didn’t knock it out of the park on the first. Wait for the call—it will keep the suspense going and make him that much more interested (as long as he was interested to begin with.)

Plan some conversation topics ahead

You don’t want to wind up talking about something you can’t stand. The best way to avoid this is to make sure you have some control over where the conversation is going. If you want to talk about skiing, make up something, like, “Yeah, I’m loving this weather, I’m such a snow rat.” From there you’re an inch away from a skiing conversation. Either he’ll bring it up with his response or you can shortly after. This ensures conversations are natural and flowing—and more importantly, on your terms.

First dates are full of anxiety and nervousness. By following some of these tips, hopefully you can be more at ease and have a great time! Remember, we’re nervous too!

10 Unusual Places to Find Mr. Right

10 Unusual Places to Find Mr. Right

Date Great Men, Understand Men

Where to Find Mr Right

Bars get old fast—and the guys there aren’t exactly keepers. I thought you might enjoy discovering a few new places where to find Mr Right.

It’s a great big world out there. If you’re limiting your options to just the guys you meet at bars, or at work, you’re doing it all wrong! Here’s a great list of places that are far more specific, and have a tendency to bring in A-list guys that are actually worth dating.

#1: Parks

Tug on your snow boots, scarf, hat and parka, grab your dog (or borrow one from somebody) and take a stroll at a park you know has plenty of activity in the late afternoon/early evening. Parks are awesome because you can find guys that are active and take care of themselves. Your borrowed dog makes for a great conversation starter. Catch up to a good lookin’ guy and tell him his shoelace looks loose. Bam! Instant conversation.

#2: Workshops

Not just any workshop mind you, but one that you might actually enjoy. This could be related to dancing, writing, or something active like snowboarding during certain times of the year. Book clubs are also cool—although you’ll need to find one that caters to the age group that interests you.

#3: Tastings

Tastings are awesome venues to meet guys. Your best bet is to go for something like a tequila tasting or whisky tasting that is being run by a charity group or some other organization raising money. Beer tastings work too! Find out where they’re being held, grab a friend (but don’t cling to her!) and get to flirting.

#4 Volunteering

Finding a good volunteer group could land you a great guy. Your best bet is to look for groups organized on college campuses. You can get even more specific by finding a group that is engaged with work that interests you.

#5: Weddings

Weddings don’t come around all the time, but when they do, they’re the perfect place to find an eligible bachelor. The bride and groom probably invited a ton of friends—not just a close circle that you may already know. It’s likely that some of those plus-ones aren’t very attached to the person that brought them.

Weddings can be a great place to meet a guy and make connections

#6: Business Seminars

There’s nothing like a business seminar to locate fellow-minded workaholics. If you’re an ambitious working woman and you want a guy that’s going to share your drive and dedication, why not check out some of the local business seminars going on around town? If it’s slim pickings, try looking at the largest nearby city.. Who knows, with the right seminar, you may have a lot to discuss with someone over drinks after the event.

#7: Museums and Art Galleries

Cultured men aren’t likely to approach you in your jean miniskirt and tube top at the local college pub, but that won’t be the case if you’re downtown checking out new exhibit that just came to town. Don’t know much about art? No problem. Guys are insanely happy when women ask them questions. Keep shooting them his way and he’ll ask you to dinner in no time.

#8: Casinos

More specifically, blackjack tables. A blackjack table is always packed with guys. The churn is fast enough that it feels like speed dating in some cases, and if those reasons aren’t good enough, guys love seeing women hanging out, having a drink, and playing cards. Don’t wait to find a table with cute guys. Grab the first open table you see and watch the men come to you.

#9: Music Festivals and Concerts

You already love the music. Wouldn’t it be great to meet a guy who enjoyed it also? Instant conversation starter right there. And because these events attract a huge number of people, there is a great selection of guys available.

#10: Blood Drives

Blood drives are always going on, and they tend to attract people that aren’t entirely self-centered. If you get lucky you’ll find yourself sitting by a good looking fella. If not—don’t worry. Blood drives always have a snack bar nearby where people hang around before heading out. Bump into someone on accident and tell them “must have been the blood loss. I’m feeling a bit dizzy!”

Fact or Fiction: Men Enjoy Showing Emotions as Much as Women Do

Fact or Fiction: Men Enjoy Showing Emotions as Much as Women Do

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Male Emotions vs Female Emotions

From a woman’s perspective, finding a man who will show his emotions is about as likely as catching Big Foot. But there’s more than one way to understand male emotions vs female emotions.

We’re all well acquainted with the stereotypes of men and women. Women are too emotional, men aren’t emotional enough. Confusion ensues, miscommunications happen, hearts get broken. You know the drill.

But is it really as simple as that? Do the stereotypes hold any weight in our interaction with the opposite sex? And more importantly, as the title of this blog suggests, are men really that uninterested in showing their emotions?

Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: your man isn’t going to show emotions the same way you do, period. This is scientifically IMPOSSIBLE—so for the love of God, stop expecting the guy you’re dating to weep outright whenever you’re watching My Sister’s Keeper.

Women have a more active right brain (emotional side) and men have a far more active left brain (logical side).

Furthermore, a woman’s corpus callosum, the central pathway between the left and right brain, is bigger in women than it is in men.

This lets women express themselves with both sides of the brain, while men are often decidedly in the logic camp at all times.

It also makes women much better multitaskers. If you’ve ever been frustrated that your guy can’t talk to you while he’s dutifully cooking an egg, you now have scientific proof that he’s not ignoring you on purpose.

The truth is ladies, guys do indeed have feelings, but they won’t show those feelings the same way you do.

They may even show completely different emotions than the ones you’re feeling. Maybe something that gets you sad will get him angry.

Male Emotions vs Female Emotions

As long as his anger isn’t destructive, then it should be just as acceptable an emotion as your sadness.

At the same time, our society is still focused on the stalwart, silently heroic man. This isn’t your man’s fault—it’s Tom Cruise’s fault for putting out so many bad macho man movies.

It’s also due to a very ingrained family pattern, where the men of the household feel obligated to keep their emotions to themselves during tough times. If things are bad, a show of emotion isn’t very useful.

Remaining “strong” (hence, emotionless) for the family is token manliness, and it persists to this day in most societies around the world.

Lastly, all guys are different, with different backgrounds and different brains. Some show as much emotion as a rock, while others will share your Kleenex box during romantic movies.

You’ll be hard pressed to understand just what kind of man he is until you get to know him better. And remember: if you’re getting frustrated that he’s not responding the way you’d like him to, there are many other factors involved than just “he doesn’t feel like showing his emotions to you.”

In fact, he may be showing those emotions in different ways (like buying you flowers or a gift) instead of showing them to you with deep, doe-eyed looks of devotion and love.

My team here at Who Holds the Cards Now would love to hear your thoughts!

5 Tips on Dealing With the Guy Who Won’t Go Away

5 Tips on Dealing With the Guy Who Won’t Go Away

Understand Men

Got a Guy Who Won’t Go Away?

Some guys just can’t take a hint. Regardless of what you say to them, they keep hanging around. How do you get rid of the guy who won’t go away? Or, how do you get a guy to leave you alone without being mean?

I’ve had a few ladies write to me asking me how to handle an ex that’s still coming around uninvited. Most guys aren’t going to stick around if you tell them that they’re being creepy. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case and some guys just can’t, or won’t, take a hint. This is a guy who won’t go away!

How do you get a guy to leave you alone without being mean?

That’s the problem! Most women don’t want to be mean so they “gently” coax a man away. “Jim you’re a cool guy but I just don’t have the time to date anyone right now.”

Do you know what Jim heard? He heard you say that he is a cool guy so he keeps pursuing you. He didn’t hear the second part of your statement.

Below are 5 tips on dealing with a guy who won’t go away. Of course, if you’re being threatened or deliberately followed by someone, always call the police first. These tips are about helping you get rid of a relatively harmless guy. These tips won’t help if you’re in immediate danger from a stalker.

Tip #1: Clearly state that you want him out of your life

Sometimes you gals can be too nice. You want to let a guy down easy, so you’ll end with comments like “I’m just not interested right now” or “I’m just interested in being friends for the moment.” Adding qualifiers like that can have some guys chomping at the bit thinking they still have a perfectly good chance. For a guy who won’t go away, it can increase unwanted behavior rather than diminish it!

Want to understand men in relationships? Thousands of women have by downloading my free info-graphic! CLICK HERE!

When someone is showering you with too much unwanted attention, you need to put your foot down and say, “I’m not interested and you’re starting to make me uncomfortable.” This would be an appropriate thing to say. “Don’t talk to me and stop contacting me – we’re done,” is another.

And if you’re thinking about lying and saying you have a boyfriend, don’t. While that may get rid of some guys, others may consider that a challenge and pursue you even harder.

Tip #2: Make any changes necessary to avoid him

I know, I know, changing your number sucks. But sometimes when someone clings onto you, you need to take desperate measures. Blocking doesn’t always work. Change your number and only tell friends, family, and the people you work with, your number.

If you sit next to him in class, move away. Show up just before class starts and grab a seat that isn’t next to him. If he works with you, discreetly ask management to schedule you at different times. Change up your daily routine. Take a different bus. Choose a different coffee shop so he can’t run into you. This might make him lose interest and stop.

I’m not asking you to change your name and move away. But depending on just how persistent this guy is, you need to be proactively limit his odds of running into you. The less he sees of you, the more likely he’ll disappear for good.

Tip #3: Tell close friends and family what’s going on

If things begin to escalate – he’s follow you, or you’re getting non-stop calls, and he just won’t leave you alone, then you need to tell your social network about him. Keeping other people around makes it more difficult for this guy to make contact with you.

how do you get a guy to leave you alone without being mean

Tip #4: If things escalate, keep a record of his stalking activities

If things seem to be escalating – he is sneaking around, stalking or saying threatening things to you then you need to take more drastic measures. Record any voice messages he leaves for you, and save any letters he sends you, including texts, which you can grab snapshots of pretty easily.

Learn Why Do Men Stare at Women

By keeping a record, you can build a case for yourself on the off chance that you need a restraining order. Without this information it can simply be your word verses his in a court of law.

Tip #5: Report harassment with your local police station

If you reach a point of being harassed, it’s time to take another step. This step is part building your case, and part protecting yourself from harm. If an officer pays this guy a visit, it may get rid of him for good.

Have you ever had to deal with the guy who won’t go away?

I hope you never have to take any of these actions against another person, but if you end up with one of these guys, at least you’ll have some ideas on what to do. Remember, your safety and the safety of your family always comes first, so be smart like I know you are!

Are you dating a man who you want be around but you have a sneaky suspicion he is using you? Click Here!

What Who You Date Says About You – Part 3

What Who You Date Says About You – Part 3

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Attract the Right Guy!

We have spent the last couple of weeks in “What Who You Date Says About You” talking about a variety of different personality types that men and women have and how they impact a relationship. Today, I want to focus on talking about how you can begin to attract the right guy.

If you’ve read any of my books, you know that I am all about giving the power in a relationship to the woman. In Who Holds the Cards Now, this is the central theme! What happens, though, if you’re not really in the right place to take that power? How can you get there?

The answer isn’t as tough as you might think. First of all, you should identify the type of guy you typically date, using Part 1 and Part 2. You may have dated more than one of those types in the past, but look at the “If You Think This is You” section under those different types.

Want to Understand the Different Types of Men and How to Date Them?

I had some fun writing Manimals because I got to describe different types of men, whether they’re datable or not and how to date them when they are. Because that didn’t seem like enough, I then profiled several types of women and paired them up. Now, you can identify which type of woman you are and learn which type of man might be the best fit for you!

In addition to these different types of men and women, the second half of the book contains:

  • Explanations on why you are dating the wrong type of guy now
  • An in-depth study of what I like to call the Relationship Train To Failure
  • 15 things every woman needs to know about men
  • My best-ever discussion on what challenge and mystery are, why they’re important and how to use both to your advantage!

That should help you begin to identify the areas you need to work on. Many times, it’s self-esteem, and that is definitely going to be part of building the new you, but you also need to dig deeper and understand yourself.

I want you to attract the right guy! I want you to have your pick of the litter – as long as you’re not picking wet kittens! Choose from the lion cubs instead! You’re asking – HOW?

Look at your life today. Are things in order? Where are you financially? Are you able to support yourself or are you taking help from Mom and Dad? You will need to get your financial house in order before you bring a guy into the fold.

What have you done so far in your life? Do you have great experiences to share? Even if you don’t have a lot of money, you can have great experiences – and I’m not talking about partying either! I mean real life experiences – the things that change you, even if it’s just a little bit.

This could be college, a trip to someplace new and kind of far away, learning a new skill or hobby, or even doing something a little off the wall like sky-diving.

Who do you look up to? Who do you go to for advice? Is there someone special in your life that you depend on for guidance and advice? If there is nobody, then it’s time you found someone.

A mentor is a highly valuable resource. This person is the person you can count on to tell you the truth, not like your friends, who tell you what they think you want to hear.

Looking back through your life can be a lot of fun, or it can be a real drag. If it’s a drag, then you definitely need to do some work. Even if it is a fun exercise, you can still learn something from it.

My best selling book, To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself will give you more in-depth information on looking at these areas of your life, and more. It will give you a guide to follow to gain a better understanding of yourself and to begin attracting high value men, instead of those we have talked about over the last two weeks.

Part 1 What Who You Date Says About You

Part 2 What Who You Date Says About You

Are you ready to attract the right guy?

What Does Who You Date Say About You – Part 2

What Does Who You Date Say About You – Part 2

Date Great Men, Understand Men

In Part 1 of this “What Does Who You Date Say About You” series, we talked about three distinct types of personalities: Mr. Pour on the Charm, Mr. Indecision and Mr. Diamond in the Rough. Some of you didn’t see your guy, but I think you will this week.

In Part 2, we are going to look at a few more types: Mr. There’s Plenty of Time to Settle Down, Mr. What’s Yours is Mine, Mr. It’s All YOUR Fault, Mr. Sure Baby, Anything You Say and , of course, Mr. Married. This post is a bit long, so hang in there with me.

Mr. There’s Plenty of Time to Settle Down

This guy likes to use the phrase “maybe some day”. He probably has never been married and has had a string of short-term relationships in the past. There are all kinds of reasons why this guy hasn’t found ‘the right one’ yet. This type of guy has a fear of intimacy.

When you begin asking for more out of the relationship, he disappears. You might ask him to meet your friends or your parents and all of a sudden, you don’t hear from him for a week or more. You’re left wondering what you said or did to make him mad.

More signs that he’s commitment phobic:

  • He has a job that requires a lot of travel
  • You haven’t met his friends/family and he hasn’t met yours
  • He has never taken you to his house/apartment – or if he has, it’s a very sterile environment\
  • When you’re together, he’s Mr. Pour on the Charm
  • Your plans are always last-minute
  • He turns into “Mr. It’s All Your Fault”
  • He loves to chase you, but he’s not really interested in capturing you

And You

Dating this type of guy most likely means you’re needy. You attract men who want to rescue you but they don’t want to commit to you. You thrive on the snippets of attention that are thrown your way – it’s your crack.

When you come into a relationship as the needy one, you give up all of your power. My book, “Who Holds the Cards Now” can help you regain that power.

If You Think This is You

If this is you, you probably spend a lot of time asking “What if” – “What if he found someone else?” “What if I made him mad?” “What if he wants out?” You need to learn how to squash those “what if” moments like a bug.

You probably hold a vision of your guy that is based on how he was on your first date – charming, caring and willing to do anything to make you happy. That is not who this guy really is and you have blinded yourself to that truth.

Mr. What’s Yours is Mine

This guy is a leech. He takes from you – your money, your energy, your time, and he has nothing to give back, or if he does have something, he isn’t giving it to you. You may be putting yourself at risk in some way to be the giver this guy wants you to be. Whether it’s a financial, physical or emotional risk, it’s bad for you with no consequences for him.

Want to learn all about the different man types and how to date them? Get my best seller Manimals!

And You

Dating this type of guy all of the time means you are probably insecure and you have low self-esteem. You will take any guy who comes your way and the needy, clingy type is right up your alley.

If You Think This is You

The steps are clear here. You need to improve your self-esteem and become a secure, high value woman. All of my books address this in some way, but the most direct path to esteem and confidence is Comfortable in Your Own Shoes.

You need to step back from the relationship scene long enough to regain your confidence. You should also read my newest book, To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself, which will help you take a journey of self-discovery to a more healthy, high value woman.

Mr. It’s All Your Fault

This guy treats you like a child and when he behaves badly, often like a bully, he blames you for his actions. “I had to yell at you, you can’t do anything right”. He probably treats you like a child, talking to you in a condescending tone of voice or sounding intimidating.

And You

If you’re dating this type of guy, then you may have trouble establishing and maintaining emotional boundaries. You would rather please someone else to win them over. You probably feel like nothing you do is good enough – no matter what, your partner is always unhappy.

If You Think This is You

This feeling of powerlessness comes from within you, and you are craving freedom from oppressing the emotions of anger and frustration that you feel all of the time. An excellent first step is to begin labeling what you feel when you feel it. You are driving in traffic and someone cuts you off – rather than suppressing your feelings, say out loud “that really made me angry!”

The next time you just can’t seem to figure something out, say “I’m really frustrated right now”. It seems silly on the surface, but this will help you to truly identify your emotions and allow yourself to actually feel them.

Mr. Sure Baby Anything You Say

This time, it’s clearly your fella who has self-esteem issues. Mr. Sure Baby is an agreeable guy who has no opinions about anything and doesn’t have the confidence to express any that he might actually have. He thinks, and maybe says things like, “I don’t know why you want to date me” – negative thoughts about himself that confirm his lack of belief in himself.

He’s also an apologizer – “I’m sorry” is something you hear ALL of the time. He is always looking for validation from outside sources – sort of a “look at me and tell me I’m great” type of deal, mostly because he doesn’t believe it.

Surprisingly, this type of guy is also likely to be a perfectionist. He feels that nothing can be done unless it’s perfect, so nothing ever gets done. Of course, this is really because he has no confidence in what he is doing, not because it’s imperfect.

And You

Dating this guy means that you’re probably a controlling person who likes to come off as if you have your stuff together. Mr. Sure Baby is your type of guy! He seeks out women like you because he sees things in you that he thinks he lacks.

You probably have a set of expectations about every aspect of your life. Your house should be this way, your car should be that way. Your job should be progressing down a specific path. Everything must be in order.

If You Think This is You

It’s time to change your mindset about life. Your apartment doesn’t have to be spotless for you to have your friends over – they won’t notice anyway. Let go of your need to have everything follow a specific course or be perfect. You also need a boost in self-esteem. You are probably controlling because you think people won’t accept you if they can see your flaws.

By wanting everything perfect or wanting to micromanage every step of a process, you can keep people from seeing your true self. It’s time to realize what a wonderful woman you are. Recognize your accomplishments and accept that most things don’t go as planned.

Finally, examine how much anxiety you feel when you think things are not perfect or out of control. Read your body for signs of tension or anxiety like jaw or shoulders clenched or a racing heart. A good way to manage anxiety is through meditation or another form of relaxation like getting a massage or aromatherapy.

Mr. Married

Mr. Married may not actually be married, but he is in a committed relationship, maybe even engaged. Even if he is separated, he’s still married.

And You

Again, you probably  lack self-esteem, and you most likely don’t like yourself very much either. You are not only dating a cheater, but you are one. This is a very low level of self-esteem and self-hate.

You are seeking out relationships that are guaranteed to fail. “He’s never going to leave her” is a line in a popular old movie “When Harry Met Sally”, where one of the supporting characters, dating a married man, is constantly trying to woo him to leave his wife. The standard response from her friends is “Nobody thinks he’s going to leave her”.

Mr. Married has also been vetted by one of your cohorts – he’s married, so there must be an okay guy in there somewhere. He’s safe because you know another of your species has accepted him.

He is also immediately unavailable for any real ‘future’, thus alleviating you of any worry about being all that he needs you to be, since you don’t have the esteem to believe you can deliver anyway. When he leaves, it is to be expected and you don’t have to consider yourself a failure.

If You Think This is You

You need to work on your self esteem NOW. You are better than this and it’s time you start acting like it! Read my books, see a counselor or do whatever it takes to begin to see the value you have. It goes without saying that you end the relationship – today.

He’s never going to leave her – and even if he does – do you really want him? Find out who you are by reading To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself and begin to build a high value woman story.

Whew! What’s Up Next Week?

That was a long post, and thanks for hanging in there, but this is important information! Many of you are great at telling me what’s wrong with your guy, but often it’s hard for you to see what type of individual he is, or what it says about you.

We never want to look for the flaws that we have, and yet, in order to date high value men, it’s necessary. Before you dismiss my suggestions, take a long hard look at yourself. If you don’t believe me, do a Google search on that type of guy – you will find all kinds of information to back me up!

So, Which One?

How many of these men have you dated in the past? Are you dating one right now? What are your next steps? In Part 3 I want to focus on talking about how you can begin to attract the right guy.

Buzzkill: What to Do If the Guy You’re Dating Doesn’t Drink

Buzzkill: What to Do If the Guy You’re Dating Doesn’t Drink

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

What to Do if the Guy You’re Dating Doesn’t Drink

Can you date someone who doesn’t drink? Most women I know aren’t interested in dating boring prudes that shy away from a good time. But just because he doesn’t drink doesn’t mean he’s a huge bore. Dating a non drinker can actually be good thing.

You’re all aware of, and on the lookout for, the dreaded guy who drinks too much. This guy could be a loser. Getting into a serious relationship with someone like that is always a bad call. But what about the guy who drinks too little…or even not at all?

Is there something wrong with him? Will he go to bars and clubs with you? Is he even capable of having fun or does he just leech it out of the room? What if you both go out with your friends and he’s standing in a corner drinking a club soda and lime, looking like an abject loser?

And the most pressing question of all: when I get drunk…is he judging me?

Can You Date Someone who Doesn’t Drink?

We all feel uncomfortable when someone we know—a friend, a significant other, the poor bastard that drew the short straw and has to be the designated driver for the night—isn’t drinking up a storm with everyone else in the room.

It’s not just about whether they’re having fun, it’s about whether they think you’re an idiot for just having danced to Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie on the dining room table.

And when this person is a boyfriend, well, you’re that much more aware of what he thinks, and that magnifies how weird you feel about the whole situation.

dating a non drinker It’s likely you found this out quickly, within the first date or two. Either he didn’t order a drink after you did (awkward) or he outright told you he doesn’t imbibe, like, at all. The first step is to figure out whether or not you can live with his reasoning.

You may completely understand where he’s coming from if he grew up in a broken home with a violent drunken step-dad. Or that he has a family history of alcohol addiction. You may not get it if he says his religious beliefs forbid him even taste the stuff.

If the guy made a change to his life because of something you understand, don’t write him off.

Dating a Non Drinker?

The next step is to see how he acts around drunken people, both in a crowd and even when it’s just you. Invite him to a bar with you and do your thing (aka drink like you normally would).

Watch how he acts through the night. Important: don’t listen to the voice in your head saying “oh, he’s not having fun because he’s not drunk.”

Instead, ask yourself whether you’re having fun with him. If he’s cool and he’s making you laugh, why does it even matter? If he isn’t having fun, I guarantee you’ll get the hint. You’ll be bored, which 99% of the time means he’s bored, too.

Lastly, if he’s acting normal at a bar and not bashing people just because they’re hammered, then he’s a keeper. Even if he says he’s uncomfortable around people at bars, that doesn’t mean he’s uncomfortable around you after having a couple glasses of wine.

He may find drunk men to be threatening but you just look cute to him. In order to find out, you have to test the waters, and that means withholding judgment until you know for sure.

Have You Ever Been in This Situation?

Tell me your experiences with men who don’t drink. Were you confident around him? How did it work out for you? Can you date someone who doesn’t drink?

What Does Who You Date Say About You? Part 1

What Does Who You Date Say About You? Part 1

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

You Are Who You Date

We all get caught in ruts in life – we find ourselves eating the same foods, wearing the same clothes, hanging out in the same bars, and dating the same type of people. You reinforced this in your comments of my last few blog posts and I thought maybe we needed to dig a little deeper to see what this “same” personality type says about you.

Generally speaking, we attract the type of person who exhibits the traits in us that most need fixing. You are who you date. Having said that, we also all probably carry around small pieces of each of these traits – it’s just when they begin to overwhelm your life that they become harmful. What does who you date say about you? Let’s find out.

Mr. Pour-On-The-Charm

I begin with this guy because he has particular appeal to many women. This guy practically charms the pants right off of you with his smooth-talking, perfectly groomed, highly successful persona. At first blush, this guy is G-R-E-A-T, but when you peel back the layers, he’s condescending, demanding, self-centered and egotistical.

And You…

If you are attracted to this type of guy, you may carry the very same characteristics. While it seems as if the person with this type of personality trait is confident, the opposite is actually true – you are lacking confidence.

If You Think This Shoe Fits

If you think this describes you, rest assured there is hope! Probably the best thing you can do is to learn how to listen. Narcissistic people tend to dominate the conversation.

Rather than initiating a conversation, then immediately starting to drum up your response, just listen and really ‘hear’ what the other person is saying. When it is your turn to talk, rather than come up with your ‘better’ story, respond to theirs with empathy.

Want to understand the different types of men and how to date them?

I had some fun writing Manimals because I got to describe different types of men, whether they’re datable or not and how to date them when they are. Because that didn’t seem like enough, I then profiled several types of women and paired them up. Now, you can identify which type of woman you are and learn which type of man might be the best fit for you!

In addition to these different types of men and women, the second half of the book contains:

  • Explanations on why you are dating the wrong type of guy now
  • An in-depth study of what I like to call the Relationship Train To Failure
  • 15 things every woman needs to know about men
  • My best-ever discussion on what challenge and mystery are, why they’re important and how to use both to your advantage!

Mr. Indecision

You know this guy – he can’t make a decision to save his life. He is full of excuses – “I couldn’t call you last night because I had to [insert lame excuse] instead.”

This type of guy is dwelling on the past – whether it’s your past history together, a negative in his past, or maybe one in yours that you have shared. Finally, this guy won’t commit. His standard mantra is “I’m not looking for anything serious right now”. He likes you but…not right now, not ever.

And You…

A woman who attracts this type of man probably feels she doesn’t deserve anything better. It is likely that someone in your past has disappointed you in a big way and you have not moved past it. You may even have been a victim of abuse or neglect.

If You Think This Is You

You need to begin telling yourself that you do deserve a good life and a good guy. You need to build your confidence and learn to forgive your past and everyone in it who may have hurt you. My book, Comfortable In Your Own Shoes can help you develop a new mantra and start a journey to a more confident you.

Mr. Diamond in the Rough

This guy is the one you think you can ‘fix’. He has flaws and you see them, plain as day, but you’re convinced that you are the woman who can turn him around. You’re gonna make him your project! He probably feels, and maybe even says that he doesn’t deserve you.

And You…

If this is your type of guy, then you are probably in the habit of making excuses for others – “He didn’t mean to skip dinner with my parents – he must have gotten caught up at work”.

If You Think This Is You

Look back through your past to see what mistake you are still trying to fix. Your need to overcompensate is rooted there. By fixing someone else, you feel that you are really fixing your past. Well, now it’s time to get to it – fix your past. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and move on. Fixing someone else will never repair your own soul.

Parts 2 and 3

Next week, in part 2, we’ll go over a few more personality traits that get in the way of successful relationships. Our last conversation on this topic will focus on the best methods for you to begin attracting the right guy – through understanding yourself and working to fix these traits in you.

Do You See Yourself Here?

Do any of these ring a bell with you?

Why Dating an Older Guy Is Something You Should Do At Least Once

Why Dating an Older Guy Is Something You Should Do At Least Once

Date Great Men, Understand Men

Dating an Older Guy comes with Challenges

You’re looking to expand your horizons and date an older guy. But first, you have to kick those age-gap stereotypes to the curb.

This kind of conversation comes up all the time when I’m chatting with some young 20 or 30 somethings at a local bar or event. They tell me their sick of dating guys their age. That they’re immature and have no idea what they want or what they’re doing with their lives.

And then, when I ask whether they would ever consider dating someone older, I get a response like, “sure I’ve thought of it, but isn’t that weird?” Or, “I just wouldn’t know how to act. And what would my friends think of me?”

Dating an older guy is one of those societal stereotypes that just blows my hair back every time I hear it. I can’t believe how many younger women today have this notion that by dating an older man, they’re perceived as an opportunist at best, or some super-traditional, skirts-below-the-knees prude that needs to be taken care of by a man at worst.

They’re worried that walking out of a movie theater hand-in-hand with some guy 5 or 10+ years her senior is a one-way ticket to contemptville. “She must be dating him for the money,” or “she must not feel very confident in herself.”

I’m not going to say that kind of mindset doesn’t exist anymore. There are plenty of idiots out there that enjoy demeaning women for their choice in men. But you can’t live your life trying to make these people think you’re their kind of “normal.” Dating isn’t about age. It’s about the person you’re dating and how you feel with him around. That’s it.

Julieanne Smolinski writes an amazing sex column for GQ. She wrote an article about dating outside your age range. Her take:

“Remember that game, “Guess Who” ? That is the opposite of what picking a person should be like. When you completely remove personality and individual experience from the equation and rely exclusively on stuff like “young,” “blue eyes,” and “no glasses,” you end up with Robert, that weirdo in the beret. Forget about other people, money, and the looming specter of death. It’s so rare that people meet and like each other. If we start writing people off based on this completely arbitrary Z-factor, we’re really going to end up forcing a lot of conversation with a lot of boring, age-appropriate dullards.”

Now, it’s completely understandable if your young-guys-only bias is due to family planning, having kids, etc. But if you feel uncomfortable dating an older guy because he actually has his act together—you know, with a real job, with real responsibilities—then you may want to revisit those biases of yours.

Just because someone has had more years than you to organize their life shouldn’t be a reason to outright deny them a date. But by all means, date that cute 23-year-old dude working at the Sonic drive-thru who’s halfway done with his Associates at the local community college. He’s, like, the most amazing Guitar Hero player you’ve ever met.

As for your friends, well, I can only say that if they’ve drunk the kool-aid that society handed to them, they may not be totally happy for you. But if you’re happy with him, it doesn’t exactly matter, does it? I can only speak for myself, but it isn’t exactly often that you get real chemistry occurring between two people.

Are you going to pass it up because of what you think people are thinking? Or because of your own insecurities? I certainly hope not!

Listen, it’s so easy to hit up a dating website these days and filter by age. Aren’t there better common denominators you can think of besides “we were both born within a year or two of one another?” Try to open up that filter for once and just see who comes up. How many great guys are you missing out on just because of something they literally had no control over?

And the next time you’re hanging out at a bar and some hot older dude asks if he can buy you a drink, you should see where it goes. You may be surprised by the results.

Read more on Dating an Older Man

Do you have your Night Moves down? Are you ready to go out and get a guy to fall for you, using science and not trickery? If so, this is the book for you! I’ve done the research, and you get to benefit. Here are the steps you can take, whether you’re headed out on a first date or going out with your friends to look for men. The science behind attraction is just a few clicks away!

Here are just a couple of things you’ll learn inside this best-seller:

  • Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction…learn why inside
  • Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal…but what signal? Learn inside the book
  • You can get a guy to feel like he’s falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

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