Tiffany here. Let’s talk about navigating the bar scene. I was never a big fan of the bar scene. There were always too many people crammed into a small, smoky space and the noise made it impossible to have a decent conversation. Any time a guy would approach me, he would be shouting cheesy pick up lines and I would inevitably get squished and bumped as I struggled to keep my drink from spilling. Then, when I’d hit the dance floor, it always ended with me sandwiched between two creeps as I struggled to break free from my “Nightmare” at the Roxbury. I’m probably dating myself here by referencing a silly movie from the 90s, but back then, that was pretty much how it was. If you wanted to meet men, you suffered through the sandwich dancing, the crowds, the noise and the spilled drinks. If you were smart, you kept a fake wedding ring in your pocket for emergencies — sorry, married.

Today’s Bar Scene

Fast forward almost 20 years and boy have times changed! Sure, you’ll find the occasional rowdy dive, but for the most part, bars have grown up. They are stylish and hip with room to breathe, designed with talking and mingling in mind. But, while the atmosphere has changed for the better, guys sadly remain the same. It’s finally time to face the facts ladies. Most guys who frequent bars want one thing, and you know what it is! The worst thing of all is they know how to get it. It’s scary, really — like being in a shark tank where he’s the predator and you’re the prey. You’ve been warned.

Plenty of (Good) Fish

What’s a single girl to do? Well, there are plenty of good fish in the sea – swimming around with those sharks. Bars are a great place to meet new people, but how do you avoid the sharks and find that good guy that’s worth dating? If you’ve read any of Gregg Michaelsen’s best dating books, you have learned how to be in charge. You are a confident, quality woman who can have her pick of men so choose wisely. Learn to identify the real men from the predators and just keep swimming! Sharks are masters of conversation. They are confident. They come right up to you and ask you a lot of questions to make you believe they are interested in you as a person. They are charming and exciting and turn your brain to mush. They do everything right — but they are not authentic. They are pros.

Navigate the Bar Scene Wisely

Think about it. A guy who is that impressive — who knows how to look and act just right — has probably had a lot of practice. On the other hand, the guy who is nervous and stumbles over his words fails to impress because he does not do this often. He’s authentic. Same thing applies to the guy who ignores you. He probably wants to come over but is too afraid. Ditch the shark, and give this guy a chance! Talk to him for a while and see what happens. He might be perfect for you once he’s comfortable and you get to know him better.

Catching Mr. Right

Now that you know how to weed out the sharks, how do you find those good guys that are worth dating? They are out there, but they may not approach you, and they may not be immediately obvious either. Maybe they are playing pool, or sitting at the bar with their buddies, but they notice you. They are just too nervous to approach you. If you notice a guy who catches your attention and seems authentic watching you from across the room, don’t be afraid to make contact. It could be as simple as getting up and walking past his table, or following him up to the bar. As you pass, throw in a glance and a smile. Make eye contact. Make it easy for him to approach you without fear of being humiliated. Keep this in mind – men don’t always pick up on non-verbal cues so if he’s still not catching on, don’t give up. He is interested, but he may need an extra dose of confidence. Make it easy and make the first move. Approach him and strike up a conversation. If you’re not comfortable with that, just wave him over! Chances are, with encouragement from you, he will come. Now that you know how to tell the good guys from the bad, you should be able to navigate the bar scene. Beat it sharks — it’s only smooth sailing from here in the dating pool!

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