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Why a Man Pulls Away and How to Draw Him Close Again

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You’ve been close for a while and things felt good, but now he’s distant and you want to know why a man pulls away, right?

There are a few reasons for this behavior and there are things you can do to help the situation and draw him closer to you again.

What You’ll Find Here

He’s battling something internal
He’s experiencing depression
Either he’s cheating on you or betraying you in some other way
He’s avoiding something…or you both are
There is a crisis he’s dealing with
He’s angry
He’s experiencing a midlife crisis
Burnout got the best of him
There is past trauma he’s now reliving
He’s afraid of being hurt
He wants to keep his independence
His feelings are confusing him
He’s afraid of losing his identity
Conclusion

Why a Man Pulls Away

You’ve probably had these thoughts, or something similar:

He’s preoccupied. He seems like he’s off in his own little world now and I can’t seem to reach him. The more I try, the more distant he becomes.

He says I shouldn’t be worried about anything, but I can tell something is wrong. He seems like he’s far away, but he denies it when I ask.

When I ask him a question, he’s impatient and cranky. He’s never acted that way before. I can tell something is bothering him, but I have no clue what it might be.

I think he’s afraid to share what’s wrong with me. Before, he’s always trusted me as his confidant, but now he’s keeping it all bottled up. I don’t know what to do.

Let’s look at some of the reasons for this unusual behavior from your partner so you can work on being the best you can be for him.

He’s Battling Something Internal

We all go through different stages, or some call them seasons of life. You and your partner might not always be in the same stage.

He might be feeling the desire to do something but following that dream would challenge the status quo of your relationship. He may want to change jobs but is afraid it would put more pressure on you or would force a move to a new city.

Instead of talking to you about it, he’s buried it and tried to push it away. But as time passes, he still desires the change; things are trying to push to the surface while he’s always trying to cram them back down.

He’s torn between his love for you and your relationship and his dream and he feels trapped in a way he’s never felt before. He doesn’t want to share it with you because that would draw that dream to the surface again and he’s trying to suppress it.

What Can You Do?

One thing you can do is be there to listen. Don’t push or ask him to explain what he’s feeling. He already feels guilty enough about things without having more pressure applied. You can try saying, “Let’s talk for a moment. You don’t seem like yourself lately. Is there something going on?”

Present an accepting attitude, but don’t push him. He’s battling this on his own and he might want time by himself. If so, grant it, without animosity. Let him be by himself to sort things out.

He might come back to you and spill what’s going on and you might not like the result but be there to listen if he does decide to share.

Trust that he’s labored long and hard on whatever decision he ultimately comes to and the toughest part he had to work through was how his decision would impact you both. If you think you can work with whatever decision he’s made, say so, but if you can’t, he’s already prepared to accept that. That’s probably what he’s expecting.

If he seems as if he can’t seem to resolve things on his own, encourage him to seek professional help. This isn’t all about talking or listening, but about developing the tools to manage these types of situations and to work toward goals.

Why a Man Pulls Away | He’s Experiencing Depression

When many people speak of pulling away, they most often associate depression with the behavior. He goes to bed and sleeps for twelve hours straight, then he has no desire to engage in the household, so he binge-watches Game of Thrones or sports.

He seems like he’s always tired and he might even say he feels like he’s walking around in a fog. People experiencing depression can further force their mood into decline by being hard on themselves for feeling the way they do.

They carry around a lot of negative self-talk, which further adds to the problem. They say things like, “I’m a loser”, “I can’t do it”, or “I don’t deserve it”, whatever it is.

Depression is something that can be genetic and is often something people need medication for. Depression left unchecked can but doesn’t always lead to drugs or alcohol as ways to self-medicate.

What Can You Do?

Often, a partner or close friend will recognize depression before the person experiencing it. What you can do for him is to gently discuss it with him. Without being negative, sit down with him and tell him:

The changes you’ve noticed
You care for him
That you want to help in whatever way you can

During this time, you also need to take care of yourself. There are limits to what you can do to help him battle his depression. Your job is to listen and work with him to find professional help. Some medications can help battle the chemical imbalance he’s experiencing.

You can also be supportive while he undergoes treatment for his depression. You can’t fix it, but let him know you’re there and that he’s making the right choice. Don’t overdo it.

Also, make sure that whatever he’s sought out is helping him. Is any therapy working? Do the drugs help him feel better?

Encourage him to rejoin life. Do something he loves and encourage him to fight his urges to withdraw from everything.

Acknowledge how difficult his struggle is and how hard it is to feel the way he does. Don’t pooh-pooh his feelings but validate them. Remind him that feelings are like leaves floating down a stream. They’re there, but they float off into the distance and soon are gone.

In other words, he won’t always feel this way. Remind him of good things in his life or good things he’s done.

And finally, support him by helping him make healthy choices. Encourage him to eat healthier and to exercise, even if it’s a little walk around the block. Exercise helps negate stress-causing hormones and helps you feel better naturally.

Is Your Relationship Over?

Do you think your relationship is teetering on the edge of disaster? Has he aleady left? This is a great article for sure, but there are others! Just click the button to read them.

Find more articles here...

He’s Cheating or Betraying You in Some Way

I hate to throw this one out there as a possibility, but it could be a reason why a man pulls away.

Whether he’s just dreaming of someone else, is dating someone else, or has had sex with another woman, his mind is elsewhere, which makes him feel distant from you.

He isn’t likely to respond to you when you ask him about this distance, so be prepared for that.

Cheating isn’t the only form of betrayal, though. He might have an addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, porn, or something else.

He may have made a bad decision that cost him something like money or status and he’s embarrassed to share it with you, so he’s retreated.

A third way he might be betraying you is if he’s being threatened and isn’t sharing it with you. If someone is stalking him or threatening him in some way, he might not share it with you for fear of scaring you or putting you at risk.

What Can You Do About It?

Betrayal, by definition, is someone violating your trust in them. Feeling this can set off a set of feelings for you. The results for you can be serious.

One study coined the phrase betrayal trauma. This study indicated that 30%-60% of people who experienced betrayal in a romantic relationship experienced PTSD, depression, and anxiety. The betrayal negatively impacted their self-esteem and led to distrust in the relationship.

Whether you should end the relationship depends on your answers to these questions:

Does your history with him mean a lot to you?
Do you feel the two of you have changed or grown apart?
Is he taking responsibility for his actions?
Has he expressed that he’s sorry and willing to try and make things right again?
Is he willing to go to therapy, by himself and/or with you to make things right?
Are you both committed to the relationship?
Do you feel your relationship is beyond repair?

If your answer to the last two is that you aren’t committed to the relationship and the relationship is beyond repair, it’s okay to end it. You have no obligation to stay in any relationship where you’ve been betrayed.

To move forward, accept the betrayal instead of denying that it happened. Allow yourself feelings of anger, shame, and disappointment. Label those emotions but let them flow like that leaf on the stream – slowly away from you.

Take a moment to reflect on the relationship before the betrayal. Were you already moving away from one another? Consider taking a break from the relationship. You can gain clarity and establish boundaries.

Finally, allow yourself to grieve the relationship because it’s different now. Don’t be too hard on yourself, but give yourself credit for surviving this betrayal and being stronger.

Why a Man Pulls Away | He’s Avoiding Something…or You Both Are

Avoidance occurs when you and/or your partner are avoiding difficult feelings or situations. You might describe your relationship as feeling like you’re living parallel lives but not interacting with one another.

You might feel as if you connect in very few ways, compared to when you were first dating and seemed to connect in all ways.

The funny part about avoidance issues is that you rarely argue. That’s probably your sign that one or both of you are avoiding something. Rather than engage in conflict, you avoid one another and grow further and further apart.

Avoidance can go on for years until someone finally realizes they’ve had enough. A few signs of avoidance include:

He doesn’t say I love you or, more importantly for men, show you he loves you through actions like fixing things for you or doing favors for you
He deflects any mention of a deeper commitment or furthering your relationship
You try to get closer, but he deflects your attempts
He doesn’t reply to your texts, emails, or phone calls
He “forgets” plans you have together, special events, or dates

What Can You Do About It?

The first question to ask yourself is whether you sought out this type of person, subconsciously. If you had a parent or important person in your life who was emotionally unavailable to you, you may have developed a need for that type of relationship. It feels comfortable to you, even though it’s unhealthy.

When you met your guy, he was emotionally unavailable, but your ability to make him commit and seem as if he was available to you feels like a win. In a relationship like this, you both become trapped. You’re constantly pursuing him and he’s constantly trying to distance himself.

Your response to his distance is probably one fraught with anxiety. You text him and he doesn’t reply, so you text him again…and again, and again, and so on. Each text expresses your disappointment and anger at his lack of response. Meanwhile, the more you text, the more stressed he becomes, and the more he feels overwhelmed and even attacked by you.

Success lies in your ability to accept him for who he is and to determine if he can meet your emotional needs. Not your wants, but your needs. In other words, you want him to text you throughout the day, but you don’t need that. You need to feel that he cares for you.

Seeking couples counseling, or at least each of you seeking counseling on your own is the best course because it provides you both with tools you can use to minimize your behaviors.

If he doesn’t want to seek counseling, either with or without you, your best course of action is to end the relationship, but you should also pursue why you choose this type of partner, especially if it’s not the first time it’s happened.

He’s in the Throes of an Unpredictable Personal Crisis

Challenges are part of life. We all face them from time to time, but sometimes they blindside us enough to cause us to pull back.

If your guy found out he had a serious illness, for example, and he was afraid it might put some sort of stress on your relationship, he might pull back. He doesn’t want to burden you with his problems.

Another example is if he’s facing the loss of a job or a loss of income. Money is very important to men, who are usually raised to believe it’s their job to support their family. If that responsibility is threatened, he might pull back until he can figure out a solution.

He may be experiencing either a loss of pride or the fear of the problem and is too embarrassed to share it with you.

What Can You Do About It?

Men often need to work through emotionally difficult situations on their own first. In fact, by the time you figure out something’s bothering him, he’s probably already doing that.

Your best course of action is to allow him to do so, letting him know that you’re there if he needs you. While most women have a nurturing instinct, I encourage you to set it aside and let him work through this on his own.

If and when he needs your help, he will ask. He will also share the problem with you at some point, but it may not be until he feels he’s solved it for himself.

While he’s working through his stuff, reconnect with girlfriends or pursue a new hobby. Get involved in some volunteer work or develop a new workout routine. Keep yourself busy but available if he decides he wants to talk.

Why a Man Pulls Away | He’s Angry

Anger is one of the few acceptable emotions for men, at least by society’s standards. If someone pulls back out of anger, he’s already emotionally checked out of the relationship. In these instances, he probably feels betrayed by you.

Anger shows up in many ways. Of course, there’s yelling, but sometimes people will show their emotions through sarcasm, which is one of several passive-aggressive behaviors.

Everyone’s timeline from zero to angry is different. For some people, it’s very fast, while for others, things might simmer for months before they finally become angry enough to act.

What Can You Do About It?

This will depend on what he’s angry about. If he found out you’ve been unfaithful, then trust has been broken and you’ve probably lost any emotional connection the two of you had. The relationship isn’t lost, but you have a long road back to trust and intimacy.

If he’s angry about something else, whether you can repair the damage depends on how willing he is to accept any apology and whether you can regain his trust and rebuild emotional intimacy with him again.

So, of course, your first step is to find out why he’s angry. I’ve seen instances where a third party intervenes to break up two people, and succeeds by telling lies or half-truths. This is a sad statement about the happiness of the third party, for sure. It may take weeks or even months to undo the damage and rebuild the trust someone else destroyed for you.

Once you know why he’s angry, you can hopefully both have a civil conversation about what to do next. Usually, taking a break from one another, at least for a while, will help calm things down.

Allow him this time to get over his negative feelings about you and the relationship. Move forward with your life, even going so far as to implement the no-contact rule. If he reaches out to you, you can reply, kindly but briefly.

During this time away, work on yourself. Examine the relationship and figure out what your role in its demise was and how you can correct that. Rebuild your confidence and be ready for him when he starts missing you and wants to talk things through.

He’s Having a Mid-Life Crisis

Don’t laugh. This is a real thing, and it happens to both men and women. I know the cliché is that men get a red corvette and a twenty-year-old girlfriend, but that isn’t really what a true midlife crisis is about and it’s not just for men.

At some point in our lives, we all reach a point of asking two questions:

Do I want the next twenty years of my life to look just like this?

Is this all there is to life?

Essentially, here’s what happens.

As a young man, your guy had hopes and dreams and he probably dreamt big. He knew exactly where he would be by this age, but he fell short, and now, he finds himself in crisis.

Or he suddenly realizes he isn’t going to live forever and he feels he still has so much to do.

Another possibility is that he feels trapped in the job he has and hates, but he can’t just quit because he has a family to support.

This ties into the next, which is either his ability to provide for his family or his ability to perform sexually. He’s no longer the eighteen-year-old stud he once was.

And finally, he may be facing declining health and an awareness that he has limitations he didn’t think he’d ever experience.

What Can You Do About It?

First, recognize that this is normal. Next, be supportive of him. Don’t lie to him but validate him if he expresses fears. If he wants a new sports car and your budget can afford it, let him have it. If he decides he wants to learn the foxtrot, you’d be wise to be his partner.

Let him know you’re attracted to him, even if he’s not the same do it all night stud you married. You aren’t eighteen either. Men need reassurance when it comes to sex because they want you to be pleased.

Make sure you show your appreciation for him. Again, don’t fake it or lie, but if he does something for you, let him know it meant something to you.

Remember that you’re only responsible for your happiness, not his. While he’s going through his stuff, work on yourself. Get a new hobby or join a gym. Nurture or rekindle old friendships or build new ones.

Practice self-care. Everyone should put time back into themselves. It’s how you keep from feeling burnt out and overwhelmed.

You can also try to set some couples’ goals and work toward them. This will help him see a new future for himself and you.

And finally, counseling is never a bad idea. He may resist at first, but if he truly feels his relationship is in peril, he’ll probably agree to go. Ask without issuing ultimatums and if he continues to refuse to go, find counseling for yourself.

Remember, above all, that his midlife crisis is not your fault. These are his thoughts and he is in control of them.

Why a Man Pulls Away | He’s Suffering from Burnout

There are many reasons for burnout, most of which don’t have anything to do with your relationship.

I have a neighbor whose wife recently went into assisted living due to ongoing health issues. He stayed home but probably belongs in assisted living as well. Since he refuses to go, his son is left coming over every day to help care for his father. He does everything from driving him to get groceries to walking his little dog Patches.

I spoke with the son a week or so ago and saw the signs. He’s suffering from burnout. He said his wife had pointed it out to him but he wasn’t sure what to do. His sister lives a few states away and can only come occasionally to help.

While it can be caregiving that causes burnout, it’s also sometimes a career. During the peak of the COVID crisis, many in the medical field suffered from burnout as hospitals suffered from chronic short-staffing issues. Even now, many places are short-staffed and have shortened hours or closed altogether because of it.

What Can You Do About It?

If your guy is experiencing burnout, there are a few things you can do to help.

First, it’s a good idea to help him develop some sort of self-care routine. Self-care isn’t just for women, and it isn’t all about bubble baths. Encourage him to pursue a hobby or get in touch with nature. Self-care is about activating all your senses. Encourage him to read for relaxation or to reconnect with friends.

When you’re caring for someone else, it takes away the time you might spend on yourself.

Of course, you can offer to help if his burnout isn’t job-related. Offer to take Grandma to the grocery store the next time or out to lunch. Give him a break from the responsibility.

Being supportive goes without saying. You’re probably hurting because you can see that he is. He wants to be there for his family member, but it’s often difficult for a caregiver to see how much of themselves they’re losing in the process.

He’s Reliving a Past Trauma

Many people have experienced terrible things in their lives, things others of us cannot even imagine. Most of the time, people do whatever they can to move past that trauma and you might not even be aware of a trauma your guy has been through.

Mentioning or discussing it dredges up bad memories he would just as soon forget. But memories are tricky and can jump back out at you without a moment’s notice. A certain smell or a particular phrase might trigger those old memories.

When those bad memories re-emerge, he’s likely to retreat inward so he can rebury them again without threatening your relationship.

What Can You Do About It?

If you’re already aware of his past trauma, the two of you have likely worked through it before, so doing so now will be easier. But if he’s kept this from you, it might be tricky to navigate it.

What you don’t want to do is act angry or hurt. This isn’t about you. If you haven’t heard about this trauma before now, it’s most likely because it’s a deep pain he doesn’t care to relive.

Encourage him to seek help in working through his trauma. These things often do a number on your self-worth, confidence, and self-esteem and it might take a professional to sort it all out.

Mostly, be supportive. Regardless of the course of action he chooses, it’s his trauma to deal with. Your job as someone who loves him is to be his rock. Don’t push him into sharing things he doesn’t want to share. Just be there and let him know you love him.

Other Reasons Why a Man Pulls Away

He’s Afraid He’ll be Hurt

If your guy has had rough relationship experiences before, regardless of how long ago they were, he may still fear being hurt again.

Of course, his own actions of staying distant, or getting close and then pulling back, are becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In this instance, it isn’t that he doesn’t have deep feelings for you. He’s just a little afraid of those feelings and not quite sure how to manage his fear of being hurt.

He might not even recognize that he’s experiencing this fear.

He’s Not Ready to Give up His Independence

For some men, the very real fear of losing independence will cause them to pull back. It’s especially true when a guy wasn’t really looking for a relationship when he fell for you. He was blindsided by you and now he’s faced with the possibility of giving up what he sees as his independence.

He’s feeling the pressure of wanting to spend time with you and putting energy into the relationship versus living the life he had before he met you. He’ll need to work this one out on his own, but you can reassure him that you don’t want or need 100% of his time by sticking to your outside friendships and hobbies while allowing him to do his thing.

Why a Man Pulls Away | He’s Unsure of How He Feels

Sometimes a man just isn’t sure of what his feelings are. If he’s never experienced love before, he might be second-guessing what he’s feeling.

In addition, he might not think he deserves your love because he’s battling low self-esteem and self-worth. Not only is he unsure of his feelings, but he can’t imagine why you would want to love him anyway.

He’s Worried About Losing His Identity

If he’s been single for a long time, he may find it challenging to identify as part of a couple. People say you and they mean both of you. He’s not himself, he’s part of you guys.

He has an identity that’s centered around being single. He knows how to live his life as a single man.

Now that he faces being one half of a couple, he needs a new identity. Essentially, he’s afraid he’ll have to give up some of the things he loves about being single to be with you.

Again, reassure him that he’ll have his alone time by maintaining yours. Keep enjoying girls’ night, your hobbies, and your workout routine. If he wants to join in, fine, otherwise, let him do his own thing.

Why a Man Pulls Away

I could go on and on with more reasons for why a man pulls away, but I think by now, you’ve got the idea. Most of these reasons have nothing to do with you directly and everything to do with him navigating some part of his own life.

In any relationship, there are ups and downs. It’s how you, as a couple, manage those ups and downs that determines the future of your relationship. If you feel your man is pulling away, you can try to understand what might be behind it before you determine what you will do about it.

If you’ve successfully navigated other difficulties, this one will be easier to manage, but if it’s the first one, you’ll need patience and understanding on your side. If you feel like things aren’t getting better, you always have the choice of pursuing counseling, but if he’s not willing and things don’t seem to be improving, it might mean the end of the relationship.

5 Dating Advantages of Being an Introvert

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Do you consider yourself an introvert? If so, you know we introverts aren’t necessarily shy. Many of us have our moments, where we do just fine mingling at a party or other large social setting.

But once we get back home, we can finally relax and regroup on our own (insert sigh of relief here). We can deal with crowds and noisy venues if we must, but we prefer quieter, solitary activities and more intimate relationships.

We like deep conversations (small talk drives us nuts). We’re analytical. We’re great listeners. We’re also mysterious and passionate about life.

Virtue and trust rank high on our list of qualities we look for in a man. And we are selective when it comes to friends (and boyfriends). We don’t share our lives with just anyone.

But in a dating world filled with extroverts saying, “Look at me!” how can we possibly stand out?

We have a lot of fine qualities, but still — we are certainly less outspoken, definitely more reserved. You would think being an introvert would be a disadvantage when it comes to dating — but it’s not!

Guys love introverted women for so many reasons! Introverts are not wed to a life of being single. Yes, we introverts can stand on our own. But we don’t have to!

It’s time to use our unique traits to our advantage in the dating world. We can compete with extroverts without sacrificing or changing who we are!

In Be Quiet and Date Me: Dating for Introverts in a World That Never Stops Talking, Gregg gives us the tools to navigate the dating world as an introvert, and gives the confidence we need to truly feel like a woman of value. Here are five dating advantages to being an introvert.

#1 Introverts have the ability to build strong interpersonal relationships

We have a greater need for intimacy, and we develop strong bonds within our small circle. We care about the people in our lives and take the time to learn about who they really are as a person.

Extroverts probably have lots more friends than we do, but likely not as many close friends. Our ability to build strong interpersonal relationships with our friends can be a real asset when it comes to finding a soul mate to live happily ever after with.

#2 Introverts really listen

Extroverts talk loudly over people to get their point across, and quickly move from subject to subject. We are careful listeners and deep thinkers — attractive qualities to the opposite sex. We process the information we hear, and wait our turn.

We never interrupt a conversation. But when we do talk, people WANT to listen in the same way we do, because they know what we say will be worthwhile. We may not always be the life of the party, but we are masters at real conversation. Being an introvert is a true gift!

#3 Introverts truly care

We introverts are great at remembering important dates like birthdays and anniversaries. We care about others more than we care about ourselves. Being thoughtful is a great trait to have, and keeps us out of trouble.

How many times have you gotten upset with a guy for being selfish and forgetful? Introverts are also quick to sense feelings. We know when someone is upset and we care enough do something about it. We are also adept at thinking outside the box — our unorthodox creativity helps us navigate through the tough times in a relationship.

#4 Introverts act carefully

Introverts think situations through before we act or speak…. always. Instead of going on a gut instinct and or saying something impulsive that we regret later, we make decisions slowly and more carefully and take the time to formulate our words. And when we do mess up, we can admit we are wrong! Now that’s the key to a successful relationship!

#5 Introverts prefer quality over quantity

We may not be the most popular girl at the party, but we are truly loved within our small, close-knit circle of friends. Because of our caring nature and good attributes, we are well suited to focus on one guy, and really take the time and effort to build a quality relationship that will stand the test of time. And that’s what matters most on the path to love!

Kind of makes you wonder if we would all be better off being more introverted? Just another deep thought for us to ponder….

Raise Your Standards! How Much Emotional Baggage Is Too Much?

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We’ve all been there. We meet someone we’re super attracted to, but they come with a LOT of baggage. We all have our fair share, but this seems to be almost too much to handle. You wonder, does your relationship have a fighting chance or will it be smothered under the weight of these issues? Should you stick it out in hopes that things will get better in time, or is it a lost cause? How can you know? But just the fact that you are questioning it should be a red flag. How much emotional baggage is too much?

You know you are a woman of value who can have her pick of men. You know what you want in a man, and how you want to be treated. If you have high standards (as you should!), you can save yourself from the pain and heartache guaranteed to come from a man with too much baggage.

In To Date a Man, You Must Understand A Man, Gregg gives us a great list of unnecessary baggage to watch out for. Keep this list ready whenever you meet a new man, and save yourself a lot of wasted time and energy. After all, you are THE CHOOSER!

Is he just out of a major relationship? Does he constantly bring up his ex and make comparisons? Do you feel like you can’t live up to his memory of a past girlfriend, or does he angrily accuse you of acting just like her? Time to cut your loses and run.

Is he being harassed by his ex or other women? Does she text him in the middle of the night, vandalize his car, or make threats directed at either of you? This kind of baggage can only lead to disaster.

Does he have a bunch of kids under the age of 10? Young kids are a huge responsibility, and they are a tie that binds him to his ex…. Forever. And why didn’t it work out with the mom (or moms) anyway? Probably best to steer clear of this kind of situation, unless you are ready to be an instant step-mom.

Does he show clear signs of having addictions? If so, it’s wise to remove yourself from the relationship.

Is he about to move to another city, town or country? Entering a long-distance relationship is hard enough on established couples, let alone a new relationship. Think of it logically. How can love grow when you hardly ever see each other? Are you really going to travel back and forth? Sticking with this guy may even prevent you from meeting someone awesome who can be present in your life.

Is he a total mommy’s boy? Does her opinion and advice matter more to him than yours? Does he choose her over you? Is he not able to stand up to his mom when he should? Is he overly affectionate with his mom? Does he tell her everything? Speaking from experience, if you are dating a mommy’s boy, stop…. unless you don’t mind his mom being a third person in your relationship, because she always will be.

Does he want to borrow money from you right out of the gate? Big red flag! Just say no to the relationship…. and the loan of course.

Does he have a felony record and/or criminal convictions? It’s always a good idea to do a background check before dating a guy.

Do your friends and family hate him? These people love you and have your back. They would not steer you wrong. When you are into a guy you may only see the good, so maybe they see something you can’t.

Does his own family hate him? These are the people who are supposed to love him unconditionally. Big red flag all the way around.

Does your dog hate him? If your dog loves everyone but hates your man, you should think twice! Dogs are smart. What is Fido sensing that you’re not?

Does he hate or mistreat animals? If his treatment of animals alarms you, or he lacks compassion for others, you may want to think twice.

Does he have anger issues? Does he threaten you or anyone else? If you are afraid of his temper, it’s not likely a healthy or safe situation to be in.

Does he have a personal hygiene problem? We all want to impress in the beginning, so things will only get worse as he gets more comfortable. If a guy doesn’t care enough now, you probably shouldn’t keep him around for later.

Is he conceited and selfish? Remember, a quality man will put you first.

Does he have no friends? There must be a reason why. Is he too focused on work? Does he lack confidence? Is there something off-putting about his personality or sense of humor?

Is he always on porn sites? Many men have replaced real sex and intimacy with porn. If it’s an issue, walk away.

Relationships are filled with compromise. We compromise on what to have for dinner, what movie to see this weekend, and whether or not we follow the same politics. But these are basic compromises that help us grow in a relationship — they do NOT leave us feeling drained and overwhelmed. Gregg would say if his baggage is getting in the way, it’s time to raise your standards and “dump his ass!”

6 Tests to Prove He’s Single

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

How to Find Out if a Guy is Single

Last week I wrote Is He Lying About Being Single? 6 Signs to Figure it Out. This week let’s put men’s feet to the fire and learn how to find out if a guy is single using the very same signs. Let’s prove he’s single!

He doesn’t give you his cell number

Ask for it. If he hesitates, then challenge him on it. Keep it funny and witty. Say, “Come on Mr., I want to include your wife in our conversations!”

Then, if he makes some lame excuse or goes MIA, give yourself a big pat on the back and do your happy dance!??

You just saved yourself a lot of heartache.

He is scheduling day time dates with you

Normally, I would like this from a guy. This proves he wants to get to know you instead of driving to the hoop on a Saturday night. But this could also mean that he is setting up a drive to the hoop when his girlfriend is out of town next week.

Learn How to Date Different Types of Men HERE

Change the time. Move it to after-work appetizers. Get the date out of the 9-5 work day and see if he agrees. If he constantly tries to pull it back into his time frame – be careful.

Let’s Prove He’s Single! | He never texts you after 7 pm

Last week, I mentioned he texts you all day but then he stops. Delay your response until night time and see if he responds. This shows him that you are busy and he is not your primary concern as I cover this in my #1 best seller, “Power Texting Men.” It also raises a red flag if he doesn’t respond to your night time texts.

He makes excuses when asked about a weekend trip

Obviously, you have been dating for a while if you are considering a weekend trip. That said, I have talked to women who didn’t find out until 6 months later that this guy had a wife and kids!

Mention a weekend trip. You don’t have to be serious, just throw it out there. Do this when you are in person so you can see his body language! If he quivers, stutters, or changes the subject, then you need to keep testing him.

Is He Single? He gets interrupted when you are on a date

I love this one! If he walks away or he stays and his voice gets quieter, do this: Walk past him and say something fairly loud like, “I’ll be right back, babe, I’m hitting the ladies room.”

How to find out if a guy is single

Afterwards, when you come back and don’t see him, look under the table. He will be sucking his thumb and crying because he just lost both you and his girlfriend!!

He goes MIA

Then you go MIA! When he contacts you 3 days later, with his lame ass excuse – give him 4 days and hit him with your lame ass excuse! “Oh, hey, I lost my phone too!”

POW ?!!

I just love screwing with men

To Sum Up…

Some of these things could be harmless – I get that. Look at all the signs and test if he is single. If he is doing 2 or 3 of these things, then re-access things.

Cover your bases. Challenge him on his excuses. Set boundaries. Make it crystal clear that you are a catch and your time is valuable.

Trust your intuition – she is rarely wrong. Now let’s see if he REALLY likes you.

How to Tell if a Guy is Single without Asking

Understand Men

You’ve spotted an attractive man across the room and your interest is piqued, but do you know how to tell if a guy is single without asking? I mean who walks up to someone and says, “Are you single?” It’s just not done.

So, what can you do to answer the question, “Is he single?” There are a few things you can look for to help you figure it out and none of them involve asking a stranger that question.

What You’ll Find Here

It’s All About His Body Language
He’ll Ask for Your Number but not Provide His
He’s Available at Strange Times
He’s Edgy When You’re Together
You Got His Number But…
Weekend Getaways are Non-Existent
You Always Hang Out at Your Place
He Never Goes on a Spontaneous Date
Your Dates are in an Adjacent Town
He Won’t Discuss His Private Life
He Pays with Cash Often
He Says He’s a Commitment-Phobe
He Completely Falls off the Radar
Wrap Up

How to Tell if a Guy is Single without Asking | It’s All About Body Language

The first clues lie in his body language. If you haven’t met him yet, watch his body language while he’s around his group of friends.

Most people square their shoulders to the most important person in the room, to them. If he’s facing another woman and it’s not just conversational, but consistent, she’s most likely the light of his life.

Any subtle contact he makes with her will also clue you in. Along with that, he’ll make eye contact with a woman he’s interested in, and he’ll close the distance between them.

Other signals might include preening for her or running his hands through his hair. He’ll try to make her laugh if he’s still trying to win her over. His body language overall will be open with his hands wide or at least at his sides.

He’ll Ask for Your Number but Not Provide His

He might play this off as saying it’s his work phone or something like that, but if he’s single and interested, he’ll give you his number and if he doesn’t, it’s because he doesn’t want his wife or girlfriend to see your messages.

Also, don’t let him give you a safety excuse. Even men who saw Fatal Attraction years ago will give their number to a woman they like. Men don’t carry the same worries women do about giving their number to a stranger. They’re often bigger and feel they can protect themselves.

He’s Available at Strange Times

He has weekend plans with his wife or girlfriend, so you get what’s left over. He might ask for daytime dates or weeknight dates instead.

Of course, this is one of my signs that he’s a good guy, but not this time. It’s fine to test a guy by asking him to see you during the day, but if he suggests it, be careful.

Most guys aren’t into daytime dates because there’s a lower chance of sex, so if he does suggest a daytime date, be prepared to meet him somewhere where you won’t be seen, like a hotel or an off-the-beaten-path restaurant.

Weeknight dates only raise a red flag if all your dates are during the week. A weeknight date is fine if you’re enjoying dates on the weekends too. Then, you can be sure he’s not dating someone else or married.

How to Tell if a Guy is Single without Asking | He’s Edgy When You’re Together

If his phone rings or buzzes with a text, he might jump out of his skin out of nervousness. He’s so afraid of getting caught that he’s wound up pretty tight.

You might even notice that he can’t seem to relax at first. As time passes and he realizes he isn’t getting caught, he might relax. He may not be impacted by this if you’re not the first one he’s cheated with too, so this isn’t always present.

If he does answer a call or text, he will leave your presence to do so. He’ll leave the room or excuse himself for a few moments. Of course, everyone has the need for a private conversation from time to time, but not every time.

You Got His Number But…

Well, he gave you his phone number, but you only get replies from him during the daytime and never after seven in the evening.

This is because he doesn’t want to text you while he’s with his wife or girlfriend. During the daytime, he’s chatty as he can be, then come evening, crickets.

If he works nights, you can shift this around to when he’s home. He might text you a lot during the evening hours, at least until it’s too late, then once he’s home, nothing. Either way, he’s got something to hide.

How to Tell if a Guy is Single without Asking | Weekend Getaways are Non-Existent

You’ve been dating for a while and you’d like to take a weekend trip together, but no matter what you suggest or when he can’t make it.

Just like you won’t get a weekend date with him, you won’t get a weekend trip. The only way he can pull this off is if he claims he’s on a business trip, but how many of those happen on the weekend?

Not only will he not be able to make it for a weekend trip, but he also never stays through the night. He always dashes out before it’s time to go to sleep.

You Always Hang Out at Your Place

He never invites you to his place because another woman is there. Everything you do is at your place or somewhere secluded.

He’ll make excuses like, “Oh, my place is a mess” or “I have a roommate.” Yeah, he has a roommate, but it’s not a guy.

Beware of a guy who won’t take you to his place. He has something to hide.

Are You Dealing with a Cheater?

Do you think your guy is cheating? If he is, does it mean your relationship is over? This article is a great one to help you sort that out, but there are others! Just click the button below to find them.

Find More Articles Here...

He Never Goes on a Spontaneous Date

He’s not very likely to say yes to a spontaneous date invitation. He needs to check in at home first to see if he has other plans.

If you suggest a date in the next few days, you’ll get a standard, “We’ll see.” This is also code for I need to make sure I don’t have plans with my girlfriend/wife before I commit to plans with you.

If he suggests a spontaneous date, it means he just realized his wife or girlfriend has other plans and he’s free.

How to Tell if a Guy is Single without Asking | Your Dates are in an Adjacent Town

Instead of going somewhere in your town, he suggests going to this cute little place in the next town over. He makes it sound all romantic and quaint, but the real appeal for him is that it’s not where he can be spotted.

He’ll say something like not wanting any distractions, and I guess that’s true since the distraction he’s avoiding is another woman seeing you both together.

He Won’t Discuss His Private Life

He’ll share anything you want to hear about his work and friends, but he stonewalls you when you ask about past girlfriends or his home life. He probably won’t share where he lives in much detail.

If he’s into you and single, he wants to share everything about himself. His home is part of his status – who he is – and if he wants to impress you, he’ll brag about it and where it is.

He Pays with Cash Often

When a guy doesn’t want his wife or girlfriend to see his dinner date bills, he’ll use cash. This way, his activities can’t be as easily tracked. Occasionally is okay, but if he pays for everything you do together with cash, something’s fishy.

In today’s credit card climate, there may even be instant alerts to an iPad or phone when he’s used a card, and if he shares that card with someone else, she’ll know.

How to Tell if a Guy is Single without Asking | He Says He’s a Commitment-Phobe

As time passes, if you haven’t figured out yet that he’s otherwise attached, it’ll be time for a commitment. Unfortunately, what you don’t know is that he already has a commitment to someone else.

Instead, he’ll say he has a commitment phobia and he’ll avoid all further discussions about moving in together or making a formal commitment to one another.

There’s the possibility that he’ll say okay to something like that but never follow through also. Guys will say anything to keep you interested. I’ve known men who will even buy an engagement ring with no intention of getting married.

I make no apologies for my gender.

He Completely Falls off the Radar

This is the worst possible scenario for you. One day, your guy just never reaches out again. At first, you worry that something is wrong, but after a few days, you realize he’s ghosting you.

A few more days and you’re somewhere between ticked off and worried sick.

He may turn up after a couple of weeks, saying he was busy at work, lost his phone, or some other lame excuse.

Don’t believe him. He was on vacation with his wife or girlfriend, and couldn’t text you, let alone call. He may have even temporarily blocked you so nothing would show up.

How to Tell if a Guy is Single without Asking

If you see some of the signs above, consider whether your guy is really single. All roads point to him having someone else in his life, aside from you. You deserve a man who can put his full attention on you, but you also deserve a man who is honest and has integrity.

A man who pretends to be single when he has a wife or girlfriend has little integrity and lacks honesty. This isn’t the type of man you want in your life. If he will lie about something that big, he will lie about other things.

9 Bedroom Mistakes You May be Making Without Knowing It

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

As women, we think about sex differently than men. For us, sex is an emotional experience, while for men, it’s purely physical. We think about sex less often than men do, we take longer to reach orgasm, and we are stimulated in different ways. None of those things are good or bad, they just are. It’s biology and there isn’t much we can do about it. What we can do, though, is fix some things that might be a little bit off.

We Fake Orgasms

This is something most women have done, but that doesn’t mean it is right. Women report having an orgasm about 26% of the time while men report their partner reaching orgasm roughly 45% of the time. Does anyone see an old movie clip here? (think Meg Ryan).

When a woman fakes an orgasm, she is denying herself pleasure. That’s not a good thing, and most men do want to please us, so in addition, we are denying him the information he needs to truly please us. If we fake it, he thinks he’s hitting a homerun.

We Get Comfy

While the cami and sweats may be comfy to wear to bed it’s also kind of a buzz-kill. Men are visual, so unless this is the look that turns him on, we’re probably not inspiring him sexually with this outfit. I’m not saying you need to have a drawer full of sexy lingerie, but now and then, heat things up with something that cost more than $4 at Old Navy.
We Engage in Passive Participation

Sex is give and take, a two-person activity. We can’t expect to hop into bed and lie there like robots. We need to be active participants. In order for both people to enjoy sex, both need to gain pleasure out of the activity. If the problem is not being in the mood, we should tell our guy and ask for another time. A high value man will understand.

We’re using the bedroom as a storage unit

Again, men are visual creatures (have you picked up a theme here?). Having a bedroom that looks like a storage unit, with stacks of clothing (clean or dirty), toys heading off to consignment, magazines, books, shoes and purses lying all around does not create the mood conducive to sex. It also isn’t a very relaxing space for sleeping, which can ultimately lead to fatigue and not being in the mood for sex as well. Hop on Pinterest® and find some organization tips and put that mess away.

Assuming that if He Turns You Down for Sex He’s Got Someone on the Side

We should NOT listen to our girlfriends when they tell us this – they’re wrong! Women haven’t got the market cornered on being ‘in’ or ‘out of’ the mood for sex. Men can say they’re ‘not in the mood’, just like we can. It doesn’t mean they have a girlfriend on the side. It doesn’t mean that those pesky 3 pounds have finally turned him off. It means he’s not in the mood. He had a bad day, he’s tired, he doesn’t feel well – it doesn’t matter. He’s not in the mood. Try finding something relaxing to do with him – who knows what will happen – and even if nothing happens, he will appreciate the attentiveness to how he felt.

Hoping that Telling Him EVERYTHING He’s Doing Wrong in Bed will Fix Things

When was the last time you thanked someone for spelling out all of your faults? I’m guessing somewhere between now and never. Men don’t like it either, especially as it relates to sex. Men want to please women sexually – really they do! Rather than giving a guy a list of flaws, try commending the things he does right, and give him some ‘gentle’ guidance when he’s a bit off.

Having said this, another mistake is to go the other way and give too many instructions. This can be overload, and ultimately sends the same message. Gentle guidance and not a 20 point list is the way to go.

We Want to Talk About Our Day

Probably one of the biggest differences between men and women comes in the form of talking, either before or after sex. Men definitely don’t want to have a nice little chit-chat about the day after sex. They’re done, wasted, no energy. Before sex, they need those visual cues, not to rehash your day. In addition, if it’s during the week, both people may have had long work days, followed by having dinner, cleaning it up, putting kids to bed or any number of other routine activities. Talking about the day may take up the last energy both have, leaving everybody too tired to even bother.

We Don’t Keep Our Fingernails to Ourselves

I was surprised to read how often men have actual scratch marks and/or scars from women running their salon-manufactured nails down their man’s back. Unless he’s into this, don’t do this. Avoid any type of sexual ‘marks’ as much as possible. If you just can’t control yourself in the heat of the moment, then get rid of the daggers.

We Ignore Good Hygiene

Nobody wants to go to bed with the smelly girl. It only takes a few minutes to hop in the shower and brush your teeth. If you have time to spritz on his favorite cologne, BONUS! By the same token, don’t go to bed with rough stubble or sandpaper for feet. I know, I hear you – all of that takes time, but it’s worth it to please your man. Besides, you and I both know that you feel better when all of that is right in your world anyway!

Final Thoughts

I realize that there are things men do that drive us nuts too, but that’s for a different post. The point here can be boiled down to a couple of things really. An intimate relationship between two people works best when both of them communicate, are considerate of one another and take good care of themselves.

The Role of Confidence in Dating

Build Confidence, Understand Men

If you read any of Gregg’s books, or many of the blog posts or pages on this site, you see the word “confidence” quite often, and you’re probably wondering why on earth we harp on confidence so much. It’s Kirbie today, and I’m going to start off by clearly defining what confidence is:

Confidence is knowing what you are good at, what kind of value you bring to other people, and being able to behave in a way that conveys your confidence to those around you.

Don’t confuse confidence with arrogance – something that is easy to do! Arrogance comes about when you believe you are better at something than you really are, but you act as if you’re providing more value than you really are. Confidence is hot. Arrogance is not.

Studies have shown that men are more attracted to the confidence a woman exudes with a smile than they may be to her overall attractiveness.

In the study cited above, men and women were both found to prefer a confident partner. Confidence makes a person seem more trustworthy – in other words, when you’re confident, men will believe your dating sales pitch!

Here are a few ways you may unknowingly be showing your lack of confidence

Giving reasons for things that happen

Let’s say you are walking up to meet your new guy and you trip over something. Someone who lacks confidence will immediately begin with “There must be a bump in the carpet there!.” A confident person will probably chuckle and say “oh well” IF they say anything at all!

Giving reasons for poor performance

Imagine you and your guy are out on a bowling date – you manage to bowl a 75. Your man may say something like – “Wow 75! You’re like a bowling pro!” Whether it’s a high score for you or a low score, a low confidence individual may say something like “Weeelllllll I had a blister on my thumb and my shoes were too tight”. Someone who has great confidence will probably say something like “YAY ME!”, IF they say anything at all! I might note that this type of criticism from him shows his lack of confidence!

Compensating for Inabilities

Nobody, and I mean nobody, is good at everything, despite their desire to be. A person who lacks confidence expects herself to be good at everything and tries to compensate when confronted. For example, let’s say one of your girlfriends says “Girl you look really beat today!” If you’re a confident individual, you may just say “Yea I had a rough night” or something like that. A person who lacks confidence might say “I’m never tired! I don’t need sleep!”

Body Language is Everything

We’ve all heard about using body language to our best advantage. This goes for confidence as well. That arms-folded, legs crossed body language not only shows you as being closed off, it indicates a lack of confidence. Confident people reserve this position for when they’re absolutely freezing OR they have been offended. It really says something when you use it right!

Perfectionism

This kind of goes back to our poor performance above. Perfectionists don’t feel that they can ever make a mistake. This is a dangerous mindset. It can cause you much turmoil and stress. It can even be debilitating to some individuals. Facing an environment where failure may occur can be paralyzing for some folks. This goes back to not having enough confidence to believe in your abilities to overcome mistakes. Confident people know mistakes are part of life. Rather than sweat mistakes, they realize that a mistake is a learning opportunity and they move on.

Inability to Accept a Compliment

If someone pays you a compliment, how do you react? Do you get embarrassed and uncomfortable? If so, this shows a lack of confidence. The confident person will hear a compliment and simply say “Thank you”. Nothing more, nothing less.

Maintaining Eye Contact

If you lack confidence, you probably find it difficult to maintain eye contact with someone. In a relationship, this can be very detrimental as maintaining eye contact helps build intimacy and shows you are paying attention. When you don’t want to maintain eye contact, you are really indicating that you don’t want someone to look too far past your façade.

Decision Making

I once knew someone who took more than a year to buy a car. At the time, I couldn’t understand it, but now I get it. Poor guy (still) can’t make a decision to save his life. This is a typical experience for people who lack confidence. They don’t believe in their ability to make a decision about even the most basic things, so the biggies, like a car, can be paralyzing.

This list of signs is not complete, but these are the highlights. Look through and think honestly about your own life. Do you do any of these things? You don’t have to do all of them, and I think most of us can see ourselves in one of them, but the trick now is to identify whether or not you do lack confidence, so that as you build your confidence back up, you will see it in your actions – and so will others!

5 Tell-Tale Signs You’re Being Used by a Man

Understand Men

Signs You’re Being Used by a Man Don’t Just Include Sex

Users take advantage of women for financial gain or to improve their social status.

Not knowing the signs you’re being used by a man leaves you vulnerable to their ploys. I like to use the term wet kittens to describe users. You take them in, they pee on your rug, and they leave without saying goodbye, and without a reason.

They’re also hard to spot, they don’t show their true colors until you’re firmly committed, and once you’re in a relationship with one, he’ll be nearly impossible to shake until he has sucked the life out of you!

Users often lie. Many women give them the benefit of the doubt when they shouldn’t. There’s no excuse for staying with a man like this. Read the signs below, and if he fits the mold and you determine you’re being used by a man, send the wet kitten to the shelter!

Instead of dating a wet kitten, date a LION!

Learn how to date lions.

You’ll find the signs you’re being used by a man below. Check them out and if your guy is doing more than a couple of these, you need to split—and fast.

Sign #1 You’re Being Used by a Man | He Relies on Your Income

Unless you’re married, there is absolutely no excuse to be supporting a man financially. And by supporting a man, I mean paying for more than just a night on the town every couple of weeks.

If he can’t pay his phone bill, rent, or some other critical item, it’s time to reassess your status with him. Even if he gets laid off from work, a guy who cares for you would be horrified to ask for money.

He’ll either step up and find another job before his cash runs out, cut back on his expenses, or both.

How to deal with a stage 5 clinger

Sign #2: He’s Proud of What You Have and Wants to Show it Off

Wet kittens are drawn to women who have what they want. A great sign you’re being used by a man is when he wants something you can offer, like a new iPhone, or a penthouse on the Florida Keys. A user dates you solely because you have, or can offer him something he wants.

How to stop attracting losers into your life.

Essentially, he’s improving his status without doing anything himself. Dating someone who has everything you want is almost as good as having it yourself. Status isn’t always about possessions but can come from being famous or well-known for something.

He Only Calls When He’s Having a Bad Day

Have you noticed that he only calls when he’s frustrated, depressed, or horny? That’s one of the warning signs you’re being used by a man.

Quality men aren’t on the lookout for an emotional handout, so if you notice this happening a lot you need to take a stand and talk to him about it.

This is by far the most difficult type of user to get away from.

How to enjoy being single.

Sometimes these men are mentally unhealthy and rely on you as their emotional support because they can’t find it anywhere else.

They use manipulative statements like, “I’d be lost without you to talk to” or “I’d kill myself without you” to coerce you into staying with them. Now that you feel guilty for thinking of leaving him, he’s content and will continue his wet kitten behavior. He plays on your guilt to prolong the relationship far past its expiration date.

Sign You’re Being Used by a Man#4: He’s Inattentive

A user doesn’t think about you until he wants something from you. He doesn’t care about your wants, needs, or feelings because it means he has to take action and do something for you.

How to Know if a Guy is Playing You

If you feel like you’re being ignored, or he seems conveniently busy on days that are special to you, it’s time to show him to the door.

Do You Get the Feeling You're Being Used?

Do you feel like the man in your life is using you or is up to something he shouldn't be? This is a great article to help you figure it out, but there are others. Click the link below to read those.

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Sign #5: You’re the Only Responsible One in the Relationship

Ideally, you and your guy split any responsibilities you have between you. If you live together, you both contribute to the bills and household maintenance. But, we both know it doesn’t always work like this, and this is one of those signs you’re being used by a man.

When you feel you’re always working while he’s lounging around, having fun, you must address it. All relationships have some kinks to work out, so don’t automatically assume he’s a user. Talk with him first, when you’re both in a good mood, and determine a way to split the workload.

A guy who puts up a token resistance but ultimately agrees to help is okay but if he tries to switch the blame and argues with you, you’re being used by a man.

Signs You’re Being Used by a Man

If you are looking for signs you’re being used by a man, you already suspect you are. Ignore all of the emotional responses you have, put them out of your head, and look at things from a logical standpoint.

What does your intuition say? Do you feel used? Are the scales pretty even, or do you feel like you’re the only one putting effort into the relationship? If the answer to those questions is yes, it’s probably time to break it off for good.

If you dump him, learn how to tell if a guy really likes you so you never pick a user again!

Why We Might Want to Date like They Did in the 70’s

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Dating Now vs Then – How has Dating Changed Over Time?

Today’s dating arena has changed a great deal from dating 40 years ago. Leaving out the obvious Internet factor, relationship seekers seem to have much less patience now than they did back then.

They knew how to communicate with one another and they knew how to enjoy one another’s company.

Gregg here for today’s blog post…

I was just a boy in the early 70’s – born in the early 60’s, so I didn’t much get into the whole dating scene of that era, but when I look back now, it seems as if those who were of dating age might have been doing something right.

Dating in the 70s!

In the 70’s, you met someone for the first time face-to-face. Yes, there were blind dates, but it began as a connection made through someone you knew. You might have a couple of dates in a week, and they were with different women. This notion that you had to date one person exclusively from first date to break-up was nearly unheard of.

In the 70’s, you communicated with a woman in one of two ways – either by phone or in person. There were no text messages or emails to hide behind. There was no Facebook to use as your personal tirade banner when someone was not living up to your expectations.

How often have you said something to someone in a text or email, only to have them misunderstand what you were saying – it’s called the “tone” of the email, easily and often misinterpreted.

Someone ends up hacked off, usually for no good reason. When you are speaking on the phone or in person, the tone is there. If you’re angry, you sound angry. If you’re happy, you’re smiling. A couple of cute emoticons cannot make up for that.

Date like They Did in the 70’s

In the 70’s, a date meant going to a restaurant for dinner, or maybe a social gathering of friends, a local community play, bowling or perhaps you’d go play cards or some sort of game with friends. Now-a-days, we have high expectations for a date.

We want the fancy restaurant with the high-priced meal and a ‘special’ night. We are no longer complacent to just enjoy the company of the person we are with. In the 70’s, it was more about having fun with someone than trying to impress or be impressed.

Ah the 70’s!

Today, we get too emotionally involved too soon. Women, especially those who lack confidence, find themselves sleeping with a new man on the first or second date, which raises the emotional stakes through the roof – for women anyway.

For men, this puts you out of the ‘potential wife’ category and into the ‘fun to be with but not marriage material’ category. They’re going to dump a woman like this, and the woman will never understand it – after all, they had sex. Doesn’t that mean something?

Dating Now vs Then

There’s something to be said for having a relationship in person. I’m not condemning online dating at all, in fact, for many, this may be the best way to meet someone today. What I am saying, though, is that having a relationship, especially at first, that includes texting and emailing, can be a dangerous prospect.

Rather than putting your happiness or sadness up on Facebook or Tweeting about it, maybe you should give your guy a phone call and meet him for coffee somewhere. Live. In person. Without technology.

I will tell men the same. Call the girl you fancy. Pick her up in an actual car. Knock on the door. Maybe bring her flowers! Yeah, let’s get back to dating like they did in the 70’s!

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