Raise Your Standards! How Much Emotional Baggage Is Too Much?

Hi — Tiffany here. We’ve all been there. We meet a guy we are super attracted to, but he comes with a LOT of baggage. We all have our fair share, but his seems to be almost too much to handle. You wonder, does your relationship have a fighting chance or will it be smothered under the weight of his issues? Should you stick it out in hopes that things will get better in time, or is it a lost cause? How can you know? But just the fact that you are questioning it should be a red flag. How much emotional baggage is too much?

If you follow the advice of best-selling author and dating coach Gregg Michaelsen, you know you are a woman of value who can have her pick of men. You know what you want in a man, and how you want to be treated. If you have high standards (as you should!), you can save yourself from the pain and heartache guaranteed to come from a man with too much baggage.

In To Date a Man, You Must Understand A Man, Gregg gives us a great list of unnecessary baggage to watch out for. Keep this list ready whenever you meet a new man, and save yourself a lot of wasted time and energy. After all, you are THE CHOOSER!

  • Is he just out of a major relationship? Does he constantly bring up his ex and make comparisons? Do you feel like you can’t live up to his memory of a past girlfriend, or does he angrily accuse you of acting just like her? Time to cut your loses and run.
  • Is he being harassed by his ex or other women? Does she text him in the middle of the night, vandalize his car, or make threats directed at either of you? This kind of baggage can only lead to disaster.
  • Does he have a bunch of kids under the age of 10? Young kids are a huge responsibility, and they are a tie that binds him to his ex…. Forever. And why didn’t it work out with the mom (or moms) anyway? Probably best to steer clear of this kind of situation, unless you are ready to be an instant step-mom.
  • Does he show clear signs of having addictions? If so, it’s wise to remove yourself from the relationship.
  • Is he about to move to another city, town or country? Entering a long-distance relationship is hard enough on established couples, let alone a new relationship. Think of it logically. How can love grow when you hardly ever see each other? Are you really going to travel back and forth? Sticking with this guy may even prevent you from meeting someone awesome who can be present in your life.
  • Is he a total mommy’s boy? Does her opinion and advice matter more to him than yours? Does he choose her over you? Is he not able to stand up to his mom when he should? Is he overly affectionate with his mom? Does he tell her everything? Speaking from experience, if you are dating a mommy’s boy, stop…. unless you don’t mind his mom being a third person in your relationship, because she always will be.
  • Does he want to borrow money from you right out of the gate? Big red flag! Just say no to the relationship…. and the loan of course.
  • Does he have a felony record and/or criminal convictions? It’s always a good idea to do a background check before dating a guy.
  • Do your friends and family hate him? These people love you and have your back. They would not steer you wrong. When you are into a guy you may only see the good, so maybe they see something you can’t.
  • Does his own family hate him? These are the people who are supposed to love him unconditionally. Big red flag all the way around.
  • Does your dog hate him? If your dog loves everyone but hates your man, you should think twice! Dogs are smart. What is Fido sensing that you’re not?
  • Does he hate or mistreat animals? If his treatment of animals alarms you, or he lacks compassion for others, you may want to think twice.
  • Does he have anger issues? Does he threaten you or anyone else? If you are afraid of his temper, it’s not likely a healthy or safe situation to be in.
  • Does he have a personal hygiene problem? We all want to impress in the beginning, so things will only get worse as he gets more comfortable. If a guy doesn’t care enough now, you probably shouldn’t keep him around for later.
  • Is he conceited and selfish? Remember, a quality man will put you first.
  • Does he have no friends? There must be a reason why. Is he too focused on work? Does he lack confidence? Is there something off-putting about his personality or sense of humor?
  • Is he always on porn sites? Many men have replaced real sex and intimacy with porn. If it’s an issue, walk away.

Relationships are filled with compromise. We compromise on what to have for dinner, what movie to see this weekend, and whether or not we follow the same politics. But these are basic compromises that help us grow in a relationship — they do NOT leave us feeling drained and overwhelmed. Gregg would say if his baggage is getting in the way, it’s time to raise your standards and “dump his ass!”

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