Something seems off, but you just can’t figure out what’s wrong. Are there signs he is seeing someone else?
You’ve felt a change in the atmosphere around your relationship for a few weeks now and you can’t quite put your finger on what’s wrong. Then, a friend suggests that your guy might be stepping out on you, but surely, he would never do that. Would he?
There are signs he is seeing someone else, some more obvious than others. Below are many of the tell-tale signs to watch for.
Signs He is Seeing Someone Else | He Contacts You Less Frequently
When you first met, you were calling and texting all the time, but now, you’re lucky to hear from him every few days. And when he does reach out, it’s brief. It’s a few words here and there, mostly to placate you and make you think he’s still interested.
He’s hedging his bets at this point. He’s got someone else, but he’s not sure which relationship will work out. Men who do this think they can get away with it forever. They’re smarter than these women.
Bah! You’re plenty smart and this first of the signs he is seeing someone else has hit your radar.
His Schedule is Full – But You’re Not on It
A guy who’s cheating will have a busier life than normal. He’ll dash off for sudden appointments or to hang with his friends. Before, he spent time with his friends and with you, but now he’s a busy guy who seems to be away from you a lot more.
The difference here between him being genuinely busy and cheating is if he tells you where he’s going versus sneaking off or being secretive. If you trust one another and he has done nothing to break your trust, believe his words, but if things seem shifty, watch for other signs he is seeing someone else too.
His Phone is His Constant Companion
A man who’s cheating will keep close tabs on his phone for a couple of reasons. He doesn’t want you to accidentally see a message from the other woman, and he doesn’t want to miss a message from her.
A guy who can’t even part with his phone while he takes a shower or uses the bathroom has probably got something to hide.
Signs He is Seeing Someone Else | You Get Lots of Gifts
Guilt is a great motivator when a guy buys gifts for a woman. This isn’t to say that the occasional spray of flowers is a sign of guilt, or that a guy who brings you the occasional favorite donut and coffee is stepping out on you.
This is more about nice gifts. The more guilt he feels, the nicer the gift. While you’ve perceived these as signs of his love and devotion, they’re actually signs he is seeing someone else.
He Keeps an Active Dating Profile After You’ve Made a Commitment to One Another
It’s fine to keep an active dating profile before you have a committed relationship, but once you’ve made that commitment to one another, all profiles should disappear. All signs of other men for you and women for him should be gone. You’ve committed to one another; all others step away.
But, if you find his dating profile still hanging out there, he may still be fishing for someone else. He may tell you he forgot about that one. Okay fine, then he should be willing to remove it now that you’ve pointed it out. If he does, fine, nothing to see here. If he doesn’t remove it, you may have competition.
He Manipulates Conversations
It’s fine to see some of the signs here and ask him if he’s seeing someone else. You can ask him a multitude of questions like:
- What’s going on with you these days, you seem a little distant
- Is it just me, or are we spending less time together lately?
- Are you seeing someone else?
These are fair questions, and you should be able to have an open and honest discussion with him about any of them.
The problem comes in when he turns it on you and asks you the same questions. This is his way of deflecting the blame and conversation about his misdeeds onto you.
Signs He is Seeing Someone Else | He Tells You You’re Paranoid
If manipulation doesn’t work, he’ll tell you that you’re paranoid. If he’s a good, honest man, he doesn’t use tactics like this as part of what should be an open conversation.
He will attempt to make you feel insecure and blame you for your concerns, which are founded in his behavior.
If he’s on the up and up, he’ll listen and maturely address your concerns, but if he claims you’re just being paranoid, chances are you’re not paranoid, and you’re right.
He Has a New-Found Love for Grooming and Hygiene
Men are men. We can be smelly at times if we’re working hard on something or working out, but we clean up well.
A guy who is seeing another woman will step up his grooming routine to new heights. Maybe he’s just signed up to go to the gym when he always claimed an adversarial relationship with exercise before. Perhaps he’s got new cologne and new grooming supplies lined up on the shelf.
To further his attempt to look good for his new fling, he spends way more time on his appearance than he did before.
This is all an attempt to look good for someone new, especially if it’s combined with some of the other signs he is seeing someone else.
Are You Dealing with a Cheater?
Do you think your guy is cheating? If he is, does it mean your relationship is over? This article is a great one to help you sort that out, but there are others! Just click the button below to find them.
He Stays Away from Certain Restaurants or Stores
If he’s afraid of bumping into his new squeeze with you, he’ll avoid specific restaurants or stores where she goes. He doesn’t want her to see him with you any more than he wants you to see her and sense a connection.
If he doesn’t like Chinese food and avoids those places, that’s one thing, but if he seems to avoid the same places or a specific area of town, chances are, she’s there.
He Talks a lot About a New Female Coworker or Friend
Yes, he may have a new coworker, but if she seems to consume quite a bit of your conversation, there might be a reason.
If she’s part of his circle of friends, he might even have the nerve to invite her over, with the group. Don’t be so shocked. I know of a guy who did this and when his live-in girlfriend found out, she was appalled that this woman had the guts to come to her house. She knew they were together because it was their house.
This is a way for him to make it seem like his friendship with her is no big deal.
Signs He is Seeing Someone Else | Sex is Different
There are a few ways to go with this. Sex may fall off between you. This may indicate he’s getting it somewhere else.
Another possibility is that sex is all there is between you. There are no more romantic date nights or cuddling on the couch to watch Netflix. Just sex.
The third possibility is that you’re having sex, but he’s got new moves. In this instance, he’s probably learning from another woman and trying new things on you.
None of these by themselves are a clear sign, but when combined with the other signs he is seeing someone else, they matter.
He Acts Differently with You Around Others
There are a few things to watch out for here. One is that he doesn’t introduce you any longer as his girlfriend. He just says your name, “Hi guys. This is Lisa.” He’s decoupling from you.
Another is that he doesn’t allow you to meet his friends. This is because they know the other woman and he doesn’t want someone to say something he might regret.
A third possibility is that you spend time with his friends and they’re really friendly toward you where they never were before. He’s told them about her, and their reaction is to try to make it up to you by being extra nice.
His Spending Habits Change
If he’s suddenly spending more money than usual or his credit card bills are higher, that money probably isn’t going in your direction.
He may be showering his new girl with gifts to keep the excitement and romance alive in that relationship.
Additionally, depending on her relationship status, they may need a place for their rendezvous, like a cheap hotel room or a second apartment.
Signs He is Seeing Someone Else | His Daily Routine Changes
A guy who never dragged himself out of bed early is now getting up early to go to the gym. Instead of being home at six at the end of his workday, he’s now meeting friends for drinks or going to the gym. Going to the gym seems to be a great excuse.
We’re creatures of habit and while it’s always good to develop healthier habits, a sudden change without any other motivation raises some red flags.
He Discourages You from Doing Things for Him
If he’s feeling guilty about cheating on you, he won’t want you doing things for him that further his guilt.
He may decline your offers to pick up his laundry or cook his favorite meal. He’ll tell you not to get him a gift for his birthday.
He might even try to say he’s a bad person who doesn’t deserve gifts from you. Probably, no truer words were spoken. It’s his guilt making him feel that way.
He’s Consistently Interested in Someone on Social Media
If he’s into another woman, he’ll find her social media posts irresistible. He’ll like everything she posts whether it’s worthy or not. It’s what he thinks is a subtle way for him to show he cares for her.
While he’s liking her posts, he won’t want to post pictures of the two of you together on his social media. He doesn’t want her to know about you, so he’ll avoid this. He won’t like you tagging him in photos either.
He Suddenly has Loads of Work Events
If you know his schedule, you’re probably familiar with how often, if ever, he has work events like dinners or parties.
A sudden increase in these types of events might signal that he’s really off on another activity – like dating someone else.
This may extend to work trips where he’s gone for a few days. Without a job change, it’s unlikely that he suddenly has trips that he never had before.
Signs He is Seeing Someone Else | He’s with Another Woman
It’s okay for a guy to have female friends. What you need to watch for is touching or interaction that seems more than just friends. Watch for subtle touches or holding hands.
That type of touching goes beyond a normal friendship. If they’re friends, they’ll keep an unspoken distance between them. If they’ve been friends for a long time, they might be closer, but they still won’t be touching or sharing intimate moments.
He Doesn’t Kiss You During Sex
Kissing is more intimate than sex. He might not feel as close to you now that he’s seeing someone else, so kissing might drop off.
Additionally, he may skip foreplay, and he may avoid looking at you during sex. If these things are happening, he’s at least thinking about someone else, and can’t face you.
He Isn’t Dependable
A guy who is into you will work hard to be there for you. He’ll take your car to get the oil changed. He’ll walk Fido and pick up the pooh. He’ll build the shelves you want in your office. He shows up for dates and doesn’t leave you hanging.
However, among the signs he is seeing someone else is a lack of dependability. He may cancel dates at the last minute or just not show up. He doesn’t care much about helping you do things and Fido is on his own.
He Says He’s Not Into Labels
You’re curious. What type of relationship does he think you have? You think you’re committed or at least close to it, but you can’t get a beat on how he feels.
So, you ask. The answer you get contains some sort of BS about how he isn’t into labeling relationships. Can’t you just let the relationship be what it is and not require him to place a label on it?
Yeah, uh huh. This guy doesn’t want to commit to you because he’s dating at least one other woman.
If your relationship isn’t committed yet, dating others is okay, but at some point, the relationship either moves to be a committed one or you part ways to find someone else. Hanging out there without knowing where you stand is a bad place to be.
Your Time Together is at Specific Times
A married guy or a guy who’s in a committed relationship won’t be able to spend weekends with you. Your dates will either be daytime dates or weeknight evenings because he can excuse that to his significant other.
Yes, it’s possible you are the girlfriend and he’s secretly in a committed relationship with someone else.
Ask for a weekend date or a mini vacation. If he’s strongly opposed, you’re within your rights to ask why. If he can’t come up with a straight answer, or he keeps putting it off, you’re not the only woman in his life.
Signs He is Seeing Someone Else | He Disappears for Periods of Time
He was texting you every day or so, but now he’s ghosted you. You haven’t heard a thing from him and you’re somewhere between worrying and wishing he was dead somewhere – okay not really.
Chances are pretty good that he’s on vacation with someone else and he’s either blocked your number or is keeping his phone off. The last thing he needs when he’s away with another woman is for her to find out she isn’t alone.
He Accuses You of Cheating
If he’s afraid you’ll cheat on him, however unfounded that fear may be, he’ll cheat first. To make himself feel better about the whole thing, he’ll accuse you of cheating.
This type of behavior goes to his insecurities and fear of being left alone. If he believes you’ll cheat on him first, he’ll find someone else just so he won’t be alone.
I know it sounds crazy, but if he’s accusing you of cheating, chances are he already is.
Signs He is Seeing Someone Else | He Can’t Keep His Lies Straight
Last week, he told you he couldn’t see you because he had to work late. Yesterday, he mentioned how he’d spent that evening with his friends.
This guy needs to keep his stories straight.
One incidence of this isn’t a red flag. Maybe he spent the next evening with friends and just got his days mixed up, but if this keeps happening, there’s more to the story.
You seem to Argue More Often
If he’s harboring guilt over cheating on you, he’ll have a shorter fuse. This isn’t a guy who’s always been the angry type, this is a new behavior.
The other reason for picking fights is if he feels trapped in his relationship with you while he wants to be with her.
Either way, he’s shifting the blame for what’s really wrong in your relationship from him to you. These minor disputes were once easily resolved with a conversation, but now, everything is a big deal.
He Won’t Discuss the Future
A guy who consistently won’t discuss a future with you probably thinks he has one with someone else. This isn’t a clear-cut sign because he might be afraid of commitment instead.
What is concerning is when he won’t even make plans with you for the following week. This is because he isn’t sure yet when the other woman will be available. He doesn’t want to make plans with you that he’ll have to cancel later.
Signs He is Seeing Someone Else | He Talks about a Cheating Friend
If he’s interested in how you’ll react to finding out he’s cheating on you, he might tell you a story he’s made up about a cheating friend. The whole thing is made up, but he makes it sound real.
He might also ask you what you’d do if you ever found out you were with someone who was cheating on you. It’s the same thing in a different disguise.
Either way, his story is fake and strictly designed to find out how you’ll react to the news that he is cheating on you.
He’s Suddenly Interested in New Things
You’ve tried and tried to get him to try a new food or a new hobby, but he’s resisted. Then, suddenly, he’s interested in that food or hobby.
Most people don’t suddenly get a bug for a new hobby or decide they like something they’ve resisted in the past.
He’s had this new food with his new squeeze and discovered that you were right – he does like it. And the hobby is probably one that she introduced to him or that meshes well with one of hers.
He’s Drifting Away
As your relationship progresses, you should feel closer to one another, but if he feels like he’s drifting away, it’s time to reassess.
Drifting away can be for many reasons, including fear of commitment. But if you combine it with other signs you’ve read here, it’s probably because he’s drifting toward someone else.
What to Do if You Suspect He’s Seeing Someone Else
Any one of these signs by itself isn’t evidence he’s seeing someone else, but several of them showing up becomes a big red flag.
What should you do if you suspect he’s seeing someone else?
Ask Him Directly
Don’t sneak around to see if you can find him with another woman. Just ask. No, he might not tell you the truth and you might find yourself on the defensive. Remember, that’s one of the signs, so there you go.
A quality relationship is one where there is good communication. You should be able to ask him something and expect an honest answer. Anything less is a concern.
Don’t Attack Her
She’s the same person you are – someone who got duped by this guy. Attacking her is just avoiding the true person at fault – him.
Yes, it’s possible she knew about you, but who knows what lies he was telling her about you. The odds are that she doesn’t know anything about you either.
Don’t Chase Him
If he’s moved on, so can you. Don’t waste your time with a cheater. I don’t care how sorry he is. Chasing him overinflates his ego, which he doesn’t need right now.
Instead, pull back, if you don’t break up with him completely. This depends on how much proof you have of his cheating.
If you aren’t sure yet, put some distance between you. It’s okay for you to date other people if it’s okay for him. Of course, he won’t expect this of you and he’ll feign complete shock when he finds out, but hey, he cheated so…what’s good for the gander is good for the goose!
Don’t Take it Personally
There is nothing wrong with you. He’s the loser who cheated on you. His reasons are his own and have nothing to do with you, regardless of what he says.
While it’s convenient for him to make you the villain, don’t buy into it. This isn’t a time for you to feel worse about yourself. Instead, practice self-care and regroup. You are a beautiful woman who doesn’t deserve to be treated any less than like a queen.
Change Your Attitude About Him
This is his loss, not yours. If you’re feeling like you just lost something great, think again. You’ve just been relieved of a slimeball.
He’s the loser in this situation, not you. Don’t allow any negative self-talk to infiltrate your beautiful mind. Let him be someone else’s problem.
Move Onward and Upward
It’s time for a new guy who will appreciate you for who you are. If you know for sure he’s cheating, it’s time to move on and move up.
If you don’t believe you deserve better or if you hear a lot of negative self-talk bouncing around in your head, your next step is to ride solo for a while. Below his article, you’ll find a box for Riding Solo, How to Embrace Being Single.
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