Stop Obsessing Over a Guy | How to Stop Thinking About Him

Stop Obsessing Over a Guy | How to Stop Thinking About Him

You may have dated for a while, or maybe he’s just a crush, but either way, you wonder why you can’t stop thinking about him and want to know how to stop obsessing over a guy.

If you’re going through a breakup and find yourself obsessing over your ex, consider yourself very normal. Studies show that as many as 75% of people experiencing a breakup feel like you do.

These lingering feelings can cause you to be obsessive, anxious, and to feel depressed. What can you do to stop obsessing over a guy? Let’s find out together!

stop obsessing over a guy

First, Are You Obsessing?

Before we go too far, let’s first decide if you are obsessing over this guy. Do you find yourself:

  • Stalking his social media?
  • Driving by his work or hangouts to see if you spot him?
  • Constantly thinking about him?
  • Having difficulty focusing on anything else?
  • Feeling a sense of longing for him?
  • Having difficulty moving on?

If you answered yes to any of these, then you’re probably obsessing, and you need to learn how to stop obsessing over a guy!

WHY are You Obsessed?

There are several reasons why you are obsessing over him, and knowing why you’re behaving in this way will help you in your journey to stop.

You Never Saw Healthy Relationships

Many people never experienced a healthy relationship between their own parents and therefore don’t know what one looks like.

Instead, they perpetuate the same behaviors they grew up observing. This isn’t your fault. Much of our upbringing and how we turn out as adults comes from the nurture side of the nurture/nature debate.

If your parents threw dishes, yelled and screamed at one another, or even threatened one another, it’s what you consider to be normal.

Also, if you were raised by one parent, you didn’t experience what a normal adult partnership looks like, so you have no point of reference.

Your Parents Lacked Confidence

Children raised by parents to lack confidence often lack confidence as well. Again, it’s a natural progression of how you were raised.

Every now and then, a child somehow pops out of a childhood like this and becomes a confident adult, but that’s rare. More often than not, a person realizes something is wrong and goes in search of answers, just like you have today.

This isn’t your fault either, but now that you’re aware of it, you can focus your attention on building your own confidence. I mentioned this above – great men are drawn to confident women. Your best relationship ever will come when you’re a confident woman who finds a confident man.

You Have Attachment Issues

There’s a trend here and it’s your childhood and what you experienced. Attachment issues often stem from problems in your childhood.

You may have experienced little to no love from one or both of your parents, or maybe you only felt loved when you were good.

When you experience obsession over someone who’s no longer in your life, you may have anxiety attachment.

You push away and pull in relationships to alleviate your anxiety. Either you’re anxious because you aren’t in a relationship or the relationship is making you anxious. When the relationship ends, you panic.

You’re a Relationship Addict

When you’re addicted to relationships, you experience highs and lows, like a drug addict might.

Your body becomes addicted to the hormones produced when you’re in love, so there’s that, but there’s also just an addiction to feeling the high of things being great.

Then, when the relationship dips or you argue with one another, you feel like you can barely put one foot in front of the other. Leaving the house seems like an absolute heck no.

Finally, thoughts about this person may distract you from every other part of your life, like sleeping, eating, working, or attending class. Everything else is set aside over the addiction.

You May Fear Rejection

Nobody wants to be rejected, but some people experience a fear of rejection on a level that’s not normal or healthy.

Again, big surprise, this comes from issues in your childhood. One or both of your parents or someone else important to you may have left, either by choice or death. You were left feeling abandoned, rejected.

Now you fear that anyone you get close to will reject or abandon you too, and when someone does leave, it sends you into a tailspin. Your obsession becomes trying to win them back – to be better so they’ll want you again.

Your Sense of Self was Destroyed in Childhood

Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse as a child will destroy your sense of self. It will probably lead you to experience low self-esteem, low self-worth, and low confidence as an adult.

You don’t believe you deserve happiness. You doubt you’re worthy of having someone love you and you don’t believe in your ability to have a happy successful relationship.

Being a victim becomes who you are, but it doesn’t need to be that way.

G. None of the Above

Sometimes, we just get a little crazy. It happens. If you can identify with one of the reasons above, I encourage you to seek professional help, but if you don’t, keep reading to discover how to stop obsessing over a guy.

Even if you do identify with the things above, much of what you’ll read below are good behaviors to add to your life anyway.

stop obsessing over a guy

Stop Obsessing Over a Guy by Ending Your Social Connections

I know you find some sort of relief in stalking his social media right now. You can see that he’s not dating anyone else, or that he’s feeling miserable without you too.

But it’s time to stop.

Unfriend him. Unfollow him. Block him from your accounts.

While you’re finding some relief from your anxiety by checking in, it isn’t helping you move on. If you were a couple and now are broken up, it’s time to let him go. Even if you want him back and believe you might be able to get him back, the advice is the same.

And While You’re at It, Stop Looking for Him Anywhere Else

It’s time to go full-on no contact. He’s not in your life right now, so it’s time to stop driving by his office or the gym when you know he’ll be there. It’s time to remove his name and phone number from your phone, but not before you block him.

If you think you might want to get back together later, write his number down and give it to a trusted friend or hide it from yourself. You need to remove the ability to reach out to him in a weak moment.

You're a Survivor!

You might not feel like you can survive a breakup when it first happens, but if you look back in your life, you'll see that you've survived breakups before! This is a great article to help you, but there are others! Click the button below to check them out!

Try to Avoid Triggers so You can Stop Obsessing Over a Guy

A trigger is something that reminds you of him. It could be a shirt, an item in your home, a place where you went together, or even his friends.

These things only bring up memories that keep you stuck in this miserable place.

Box up his stuff if you have any of it. Put any of the gifts he gave you in a box and set it aside somewhere out of the way, like in your attic or crawl space. Avoid those hangouts and his friends.

Work on Yourself for a While

One of the best things you can do for yourself after a breakup is to take some time to work on yourself.

Your confidence is lower than it should be right now, so work on building your confidence for starters. Great men are attracted to confident women, and they avoid women who have low confidence.

Evaluate where you are in life right now and where you want to go. This is a great time to dream a little and set some goals for yourself. Do you want to travel? Are you happy with your job? Do you want to learn a new hobby, build muscle, or lose weight?

While you’re single, it’s a great time to get in touch with yourself and re-establish who you are and what you want.

Recognize That You’re Addicted to These Thoughts

When you think about it, obsessing over someone is like an addiction. You’re getting a high out of imagining your life back with him. You keep thinking about your relationship with him and how much you want him back.

What if your former addiction was cocaine or heroin? Would you think it was okay to think about how great your life was while you were using? Of course not.

Both are unhealthy relationships that have been severed, for the better.

These are thoughts. They aren’t your reality and distinguishing between the two is crucial to learning how to stop obsessing over a guy.

You’re romanticizing him. You see only what you think was good and you’re ignoring what was not good.

Stop Obsessing Over a Guy by Not Giving Energy to These Thoughts

You think about him so you call your bestie and start talking about him with her. All you’re doing is feeding your addiction to these thoughts. You aren’t helping yourself at all.

Additionally, avoid people who gain from your addiction. You aren’t the only person who has an addictive nature and others who do will feed off of what you’re sharing.

It may be time to chuck a few friends from your life if this description fits them. They aren’t adding anything positive to your life, but are helping you stay down. It might be unintentional, but if you want to end the obsessive behavior, you need different friends.

Focus Your Energy Elsewhere

My guess is that you aren’t working on any hobbies, you don’t volunteer anywhere, or have anything you’re passionate about. Am I right?

How do I know this?

Because if you did have any of those things going on in your life, you’d have less time to obsess.

Hobbies, passions, and serving others are all great ways to distract yourself from things you want to avoid. It takes your mind, which has nothing else to focus on besides your obsession, and it dips it into something interesting.

how to stop thinking about him

Stop Obsessing Over a Guy by Practicing Self-Care

Show yourself you’re worthy of love by spending time on yourself for a while. Develop a self-care routine and stick with it.

This can not only divert your thoughts but help you overcome feelings of overwhelm and stress.

The Little Self-Care Handbook is a great way to get started! You can read more about it here or click one of the links below to buy it.

Be Mindful

When you are mindful, you are focused on the here and now, not the past or future. This is a great tool for shifting unhealthy thoughts away.

When you find yourself wistful for this guy, look around you and find something beautiful. Maybe it’s out a window, or perhaps it’s a favorite photo on your wall. If you can’t find something beautiful, check for pleasant smells like flowers or even a favorite food like popcorn or steak.

The idea is to be more observant of your surroundings and focus your thoughts there. Appreciate what’s right in front of you at this very moment.

Stop Obsessing Over a Guy by Journaling

Getting your thoughts down on paper can sometimes help them wither away. It might be that you need to let go of negative feelings about him.

It’s also possible that you don’t really know why you’re obsessing over him, but if you allow your thoughts to flow freely from your mind onto the paper, you might discover things you didn’t realize.

Write Him a Letter

You may be stuck on something negative that happened between you, or something you’re ashamed of or embarrassed by that occurred in your relationship.

You may also just need to tell him goodbye in a more formal way.

A letter is a great tool for this. This isn’t a letter you’ll send. It’s a letter you’ll write and destroy. Sit down with pen and paper and let the letter flow out of you. Like journaling, just let the thoughts flow from mind to paper.

Be sure to include something about why the two of you can’t be together right now. Tell yourself (because this is for you), why the relationship is not good for you.

Once you’re satisfied that you have it all down, if you need to extend forgiveness to him, be sure to include that at the end. After the letter is complete, destroy it with a shredder or by burning it, safely of course.

Stop Obsessing Over a Guy by Seeking Professional Help

Sometimes, especially if you have an addictive personality or attachment issues, a professional will be the best tool for you to use.

Professionals are trained to recognize things you don’t see and they have the tools to give you that will help you move forward in a healthy way.

In Conclusion

It’s no fun to be where you are, and somewhere down inside, you recognize this, which is why you searched and found this article today. Take some time to digest what you read here. Take my advice and get yourself a journal and start writing.

My best guess is that you’ll uncover a lot of useful information and you’ll be able to sort through some of this on your own, but don’t be afraid to seek professional help too!

Having an effective self-care routine is crucial to your daily peace and happiness, but many people falsely believe that self-care is simply taking a hot bath with a glass of wine and some candles.

There are so many other ways to enjoy a self-care routine and this book walks you through them, providing you with many choices on how you can implement a self-care routine into your schedule. 

How To Get Over A Guy You Never Really Dated

How To Get Over A Guy You Never Really Dated

Knowing how to get over a guy you never dated will help you move forward healthily. Just because he didn’t want to date you doesn’t mean your heart hurts any less, now that you know the possibility of a relationship is gone.

You may experience many of the same emotions you would if you’d experienced a breakup.

Feeling sad, disappointed, frustrated, rejected, confused, and fearful is valid. You might feel depressed and lost, all the while even feeling a little silly since you never actually were in a relationship with this guy.

While all your feelings are valid, I encourage you to stop feeling silly about your feelings for this guy. There’s nothing silly about it. You feel what you feel and it’s legit. Let’s focus instead on moving past this guy so you can find one who will want to be with you.

how to get over a guy you never dated

How to Get Over a Guy You Never Dated | Remove Him from His Pedestal

When you crush on a guy, you put him on a pedestal. He’s the best at everything and he’s the perfect guy for you because of it.

It isn’t intentional, but it’s what we all do. When you place a man on a pedestal, you often fail to see his flaws and any cues that his interest isn’t being returned.

Instead, you see any snippet of attention from him as a sign that he is interested, rather than seeing the many cues that he isn’t.

We all tend to see the story that fits our narrative, rather than the truth when high emotions are at play.

Additionally, since you saw signs of his interest that weren’t really there, you also lack a feeling of closure on something you thought existed.

Did you imagine a life with him? Are you still fantasizing about turning his feelings around? Talking him into liking you maybe?

Eliminating these thoughts is part of removing him from his pedestal. Recognize that these aren’t facts, they’re fantasies. Holding out for the fantasy to come true will only keep you stuck in the rut you want to get out of.

Don’t Deny Your Feelings

If you’ve shared your situation with friends and family, they might not understand how real and valid your feelings are, but don’t let them minimize what you’re feeling.

Don’t deny those feelings or tell yourself you shouldn’t have them because you were not an official couple. Your pain is real. It’s never healthy to deny your feelings or try to shove them down.

Allow yourself time to feel sad, disappointed, frustrated, and anything else you feel. Reach out to your support network and tell them what it is you need from them. If you need a girls’ night, ask them to join you. If you need to sit and talk about it for a while, ask someone to lend an ear.

How to Get Over a Guy You Never Dated | Keep a Journal

It can be helpful to journal about what you’re going through, especially if you aren’t a big talker or aren’t comfortable sharing this with anyone else.

Journaling helps with stress and anxiety as well as the challenges that come from both.

It also helps you move your thoughts and feelings from your brain onto paper and thus begin to alleviate the pain. It’s a great way to fully understand what you’re feeling, especially if you allow your thoughts to freely flow onto the paper.

Often, you surprise yourself with what comes out if you just allow things to flow. Keep this journaling space a judgment-free zone. Let the thoughts come, but don’t judge them as right or wrong.

how to get over a guy you never dated

Make a List

Once you’ve moved past the high emotions of the situation, it’s time to figure out what it is you want in a man and relationship.

One way to do this is to look at the good qualities of the men of your past. What about each guy attracted him to you? What did you like about him?

Divide a piece of paper into three columns and label each as follows: must-have qualities, preferences, and nice-to-have qualities. Be careful not to have the must-have column too large, as well as the nice-to-have qualities. A nice mix is great.

What you don’t want is a list of qualities that no man can have or a list that’s so broad, any old guy will do.

How to Get Over a Guy You Never Dated | Work on Your Confidence

Breakups are always hard on your confidence. You blame yourself for all perceived mistakes, and so does he. Even in this instance, you might be hard on yourself for crushing on a guy who wasn’t truly available to you or interested in you.

This forces your confidence to dip, but you can rebuild it by following the steps here.

Look at that list of qualities you want in a man and work toward developing those qualities in yourself.

If you want a guy who is a hard worker, be a hard worker. If you want a guy who is kind and caring toward others, become that person.

We become attracted to people who are like us, so becoming a person like the one you want to have as a partner will draw that type of man to you. It will also place you in his path more directly.

Wanting a man who values volunteering means you should volunteer. Now you’re putting yourself in an environment where men are volunteering. Some are even available men!

To attract confident men, you must be a confident woman!

 

You're a Survivor!

You might not feel like you can survive a breakup when it first happens, but if you look back in your life, you'll see that you've survived breakups before! This is a great article to help you, but there are others! Click the button below to check them out!

Get and Stay Busy

A great way to distract your mind from things is to get busy. Rekindle a hobby or find a new one. Reconnect with your friends or make new friends. Find groups of people who are interested in the same things you are.

This is not something I just recommend to you because you’re mourning a lost love. This is something I recommend to everyone.

Having a hobby you love and friendships to carry you through keeps your life interesting and makes you more attractive.

It also helps you become someone’s beck-and-call girl. When a guy calls for a last-minute date, you can easily say, “Sorry Gregg, I have Yoga tonight. How about Thursday instead?” This makes his time with you more valuable. He must work for it. He needs to become a priority in your life. These are all good things.

How to Get Over a Guy You Never Dated | End Contact with Him

Unless you work with this guy, it’s time to end contact with him. Especially if you’re having a difficult time overcoming the mourning. Stop reading his social media accounts. Stop texting him. Quit looking for him behind every corner.

You’ll soon stop these behaviors if you get busy with your friends and hobbies. They’re a great way to distract yourself.

All you’re doing by maintaining contact is keeping an open wound. Each contact or look at what he’s up to picks off the scab and starts the healing all over again.

how to get over a guy you never dated

Stop the Texting Anxiety

At one point, you had a friendship that included texting and maybe a few phone calls, but now, you’re obsessing over him and he’s over you. Somewhere along the line, you went a little overboard and he quit replying to you.

So all you have left are the texts he sent before he stopped contacting you.

You pour over those old texts. Was there a hidden message that you missed? Didn’t the fact that he was texting you at all show that he was interested? And what about this phrase here? Isn’t that a sign that he was interested?

You’re still waiting for him to change his mind and reply to you. As I just said, you’re probably still texting him, hoping for a reply. It’s consuming your thoughts.

Your feelings are chipping away at your dignity and self-respect. It’s one thing to have a crush on someone, but it’s a whole other thing to be obsessing over a relationship that’s not going to happen. And somewhere inside, you know this, or you wouldn’t be reading this article right now.

How to Get Over a Guy You Never Dated | Stop Daydreaming About a Life with Him

You’re attracted to him, and your mind wanders to what your life together would be like. You create a fantasy world in which he comes to your front door, kisses you when you open the door and sweeps you off on a fantasy date that is romantic and magical.

In other fantasies, you envision what your kids would look like, how he’ll wake up on Sunday mornings and make you French toast and strawberries.

You’ve built a life with a man who doesn’t want a life with you. Instead of having the real thing, which is out of reach, you envision a perfectly tailored fantasy life where he’s the perfect guy and you’re the perfect girlfriend and maybe even wife.

This has to stop. Your mind doesn’t understand the difference between fantasy and reality, so these feelings are very real in your brain. To move past caring for him, you must stop envisioning that perfect life with him. Your mind needs to stop thinking that this is a real relationship, and the only way to do that is to stop imagining it as one.

Write it Down and Toss it Out

In my book, He’s Gone, Now What, readers learn a technique that’s proven to help them overcome obsessive feelings about someone.

The first step is to either write a letter to him (that you’ll never send him) or just write your feelings on a piece of paper. Don’t use a journal because you’ll be destroying these pages later.

Take some time and make sure you get it all out. If you’re writing a letter to him, it’s a goodbye letter. Let him go.

If it’s feelings, get them all out. Write it all down and don’t judge what you write. It doesn’t need to be limited to one page or one day. Use as much paper and time as you need to get it all down. You’ll know when you’re done because you’ll feel better.

Once you have it written, it’s time to destroy it. You can either safely burn it, like in a fireplace or a fire pit, or you can shred it, tear it up, or otherwise destroy it. Just be safe.

How to Get Over a Guy You Never Dated | Stop Saying “It’s Just Bad Timing”

By saying “It’s just bad timing,” you’re suggesting that there is a possibility of a relationship later. There isn’t. This has nothing to do with timing.

When the problem is bad timing, it sometimes resolves itself. You may excuse his disinterest by telling yourself he just got over a bad breakup. Okay, but how long ago was that? If it was more than a few weeks, it’s irrelevant.

You may also excuse his lack of interest as being due to too much distance between you, but people often make long-distance relationships work, so that isn’t a valid excuse either.

If he was the right man for you, those things would sort themselves out over time. The fact that he knows you exist, and you aren’t together tells you it’s more than just bad timing.

how to get over a guy you never dated

Stop Looking for Clues

“He liked my Instagram story! He must like me!” No. Maybe he just liked the story. Just because he isn’t crushing back doesn’t mean he isn’t a friend.

“But, he said…” No again. Your desire to have a relationship with him is causing you to read things into situations that aren’t really there.

By constantly checking on him and looking for clues that he might want to be more to you than just a friend, you’re staying stuck in the fantasy.

He might just be a nice guy who doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or who enjoys the amusing memes you post. It doesn’t automatically mean he wants a relationship.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to block and unfollow this guy on social media. All social media. No buts. Get him out of sight, and don’t go back and re-add him in a week. Let him go. He has other friends who post funny memes and he’ll survive without yours.

How to Get Over a Guy You Never Dated | Make Another List

The first list was a list of qualities of all the men you’ve dated. This time, make a list of his good and bad qualities.

By listing his good qualities, you gain an understanding of what attracted you to him. Mesh this list with the good qualities of the other men in your life and see where the overlap is. Again, this is the type of guy you want to go after.

But you also need to make a list of his bad qualities. This goes back to taking him off his pedestal. Recognize that he’s not the all-powerful perfect male. He’s just a guy like every other guy. He has his flaws, which you’ve probably failed to see before.

If you struggle to make this list, get a friend or two involved. If nothing else, they’ll dump on him out of friendship for you. They know his bad qualities.

Open Your Mind to the Possibility of Someone Else

Right now, he is the only man for you. You can’t imagine yourself with any other guy, but as you take these steps, he should start to drift off that only guy for me list.

As he does, open your mind to the possibility that another guy is better for you than this guy. If you’re doing all, or even some of the things suggested in this article, you’re starting to see that Mr. Perfect isn’t perfect for you.

You should also be envisioning an as-yet faceless man who is perfect for you. He carries some of the good qualities you identified in your crush and men from your past. But he doesn’t carry too many of the negative qualities in those same men.

You’ll know when you’re ready to consider the possibility of another man. Then, you’ll be ready to get back out there, have a friend set you up, or create an online profile.

How to Get Over a Guy You Never Dated | Practice Self-Care

Crushing over someone can take time and energy away from taking care of yourself. Self-care should never be cast aside. It’s an important part of what helps you build and maintain self-esteem and self-worth.

And it’s not selfish, as many women believe. Whether you only have yourself to take care of, elderly parents, or children, taking time out for self-care is a must. It helps you focus on loving and appreciating yourself.

Of course, it also just feels good and helps you destress and relax. It’s a nice way to reset after a bad day, week, or month.

You’ve spent a ton of time and energy on a guy who hasn’t reciprocated. Now, it’s time to put that time and energy into yourself for a change!

Refocus Your Energy

In the course of crushing on this guy, how far has your work ethic fallen? Have you been able to focus on any career goals you have, or did this crush sap all your energy?

Regain control of your life by refocusing on your goals. What is it you want out of life, other than a man (not that man)? What are your career goals? Where do you want to live? What kind of car do you want to get next?

Get back to working on things that have a positive meaning in your life. Show your boss you’re there to succeed. Start that new house savings account and maybe take a few classes in something.

It’s time to start living your life for you, not for a relationship that will never happen!

Allow Time to Heal Your Wounds

This won’t go away overnight. It will take time.

Recognize this and don’t get down on yourself when you have a slip-up. It will happen. You’ll be plugging along quite nicely, then something will remind you of him, and WHAM! You’re feeling that old pain again.

That’s okay. It happens. Let those feelings come, then let them go. Don’t stay with them. Feel them and allow them to pass.

Setbacks are part of life, like it or not, but it’s how you manage them that makes the difference.

You have a choice in how you react to everything in your life. Taking control of your emotions and your reactions is one more step to becoming a confident woman, and it’s that confident woman who will attract great men!

How to Get Over a Guy You Never Dated | That’s a Wrap!

I know you’re hurting right now, and I’m sorry. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your pain go away, but I can’t. The best I can do is give you sound advice and let you know that I’m here for you. Knowing how to get over a guy you never dated isn’t intuitive. If it was, I’d be out of a job.

You aren’t the first woman to go through this, and you won’t be the last. Since the beginning of time, women (and men) have gone through this very same situation and they all lived to tell about it.

Feel the pain. Work on taking the steps above, and work through it slowly. Each day, you’ll feel a little better than the day before. Soon, this whole crush thing will be a blip in your rear-view mirror.

If you're ready to move on from this relationship, you're ready for He's Gone, Now What? This book walks you through the many aspects of dealing with a breakup, even if you're the one who initiated the breakup. Regardless of who started it, as they say, your body becomes addicted to the chemicals associated with being in love. The withdrawal process is as daunting as the withdrawal from cocaine.

You'll also learn about the stages of grieving a relationship and how to begin moving forward. You'll walk through the steps of preparing yourself for dating again and gain an understanding of how you can do so in a healthy, happy relationship.

You can learn more about the book here or you can purchase it by clicking one of the buttons below.

Why Do Guys Ignore Me? 5 Guys Chime in with Your Answer

Why Do Guys Ignore Me? 5 Guys Chime in with Your Answer

Why Do Guys Ignore Me? 5 Guys Chime in with Your Answer

Sally emailed me and asked this: “Gregg, lately I have noticed that the last two guys I dated, one I liked and one I really didn’t, seemed to ignore me. I’m not a chaser and I didn’t do anything creepy to scare them off. Why do guys ignore me?  -any thoughts?”

I decided to ask my personal male friends about this one and get their perspective.

Why Do Guys Ignore Me? Reason #1: He Is Trying To Play things Cool

We all agreed on this one. A guy will be hesitant to show his feelings for you, even though he likes you. Men are insecure too. A guy just hopes you will show him signs so he can reciprocate. What happens? You both think the other isn’t into you, so you each take this as rejection.

Another reason he may be trying to play it cool is because he may be experiencing emotions he’s uncomfortable with. He’s not really ignoring you – he’s processing these new emotions.

To move past this awkward stage, one of you needs to show clear interest. In the early stages of meeting a guy, I say go overboard so he gets it. Be that clingy girlfriend for a moment or two. Then, you can back off and let him pursue.

How To Crack The Code Of Men’s Feelings

Why is He Ignoring Me? Reason #2: His Ego Got Hurt

One negative statement can send a man off to his man cave! If you say something negative that pertains to his skills in the bedroom, physical features, lack of a good job, or motivation, it could send him reeling.

Why Do Men Hide Their Feelings?

why is he ignoring me

Scold him and he will withdraw!

The funny thing is that you probably have no idea how easily a man’s feelings can be hurt. You don’t understand how fragile the male ego can be in these areas. You see men as being strong – they don’t get hurt like women do.

This is wrong. Men do get hurt and when they do, it takes them longer to recover because they aren’t comfortable processing those emotions. They don’t share these emotions with their male friends most of the time like you do.

Why Do Guys Ignore Me? Reason #3: I Thought She was Taken

My single friend, Glen came up with the answer to this question and we all agreed. When a man sees a woman with one man or a group of men, he assumes she is dating one of them.

You might think your flirting with him will tell him otherwise but the truth is that if you’re with another man, all other men in the room will think you’re trying to make the other guy jealous. He will ignore you and move on.

If you’re a woman who has a lot of male friends, forget meeting Mr. Right when you’re all out together. The best solution is to go out with your girlfriends and leave your guys friends on their own.

Body Language That Says He Likes You

Why Do Guys Ignore Me? Reason #4: I’m To Afraid I’ll Get Shot Down In Front Of My Friends

Why Do Guys Ignore Me?

Guys fear rejection so they will ignore women

While we all laughed at this answer, it’s true! A guy will ignore you because of his insecurities around his friends. The last thing a man wants to do is approach a woman he finds attractive and get rejected – especially around his friends.

A man wants a sure bet. He needs to know that when he approaches you, you will not ignore him. To do this, make it obvious you like him by smiling, walking by him and leaving space near you so he can approach.

Men are not mind readers! What you think is obvious he thinks is directed to the guy next to him! Make it clear that you like him.

Men And Rejection

Why is He Ignoring Me? Reason #5: He Just Doesn’t Care About Your Shoes!

My friend Kevin was brutally honest – apologies to his wife if she’s reading! A man’s patience for listening to you talk about topics he doesn’t understand or care about is very limited.

I had an ex who went on and on about the shoes she bought and how the outfit matched the shoes and how the price was so great she just had to buy the whole deal. I couldn’t have cared less.

All I wanted her to do was wear the outfit and stop talking about it. I didn’t care that it all matched or that it was a great bargain.

A man cares that you look great but he doesn’t care how you got there. He wants to show off his great-looking girlfriend to his buddies, but he is clueless about matchy-matchy outfits.

8 Questions ALL Men Would Like Women To Answer

Why Do Guys Ignore Me? Reason #6: He Got Jealous

When asked why he ignores his girlfriend, my friend Chris said it’s because he’s competitive. He doesn’t like to see other men flirting with his girlfriend. This is true of all men. While he wants other men to be jealous of him because he has the best girl in the room, he does not want to feel that jealousy himself!

What a man wants is for you to say, “Sorry but I already have a boyfriend” to the man who is flirting with her. An added bonus would be a kick in the groin, but he knows that you’re not going to do that.

At the same time, his jealousy tells you something important. Here are 15 Tell-Tale Signals To Tell You A Guy Likes You.

So Sally, I hope I have helped answer your question and you now have a better understanding of why guys ignore the women they like.

How to Stop Attracting Losers into Your Life

How to Stop Attracting Losers into Your Life

Are you ready to stop attracting losers? Are you tired of attracting the wrong kind of men? Do you find yourself in a cycle of unhealthy relationships with losers who don’t treat you well? If so, it’s time to take a step back and assess why you might be attracting these types of men.

The good news is that you have the power to change your situation. By changing your mindset, improving your life, and learning to recognize red flags, you can start attracting the great men you deserve. Today, I want to help you understand why you might be attracting losers. Then, I’ll give you some tips on how to change your mindset, improve your life, and find great men.

stop attracting losers

Why you attract losers

There are many reasons why you might be attracting losers. You might say these are the red flags men look for. Some of the most common reasons include the following.

Low self-esteem: You have low self-esteem and don’t think you deserve any better

If you don’t believe in yourself, you’re more likely to accept bad treatment from men. You may think that you don’t deserve to be with a good man, so you settle for less.

Men can smell low self-esteem from a mile away. Players are drawn to women with low self-esteem while great men won’t even approach. Without knowing it, you send out low self-esteem signals and all men see them.

Focused on the wrong thing: You are too focused on your looks and not enough on your personality.

Men are attracted to more than just a pretty face. They’re also attracted to women who are intelligent, funny, and kind. If you’re only focused on your appearance, you’re missing out on a lot of great men who could be interested in you.

Stop wearing the outfits that reveal too much. You may think that this is a great way to attract men, and it is, if you’re looking for a man who just wants to have sex with you. But, if you want to attract great men, leave something to the imagination. Let him wonder what’s under your sweater and earn the right to find out.

Dressing in clothing that is too revealing tells a man that you don’t believe you have anything to offer him outside of sex. Is that the image you’re trying to project?

Being too available: You are too available and don’t make men work for your attention

When you’re too available, you’re sending the message that you’re not worth pursuing. Men are more likely to be interested in women who are a challenge. If you want to attract great men, you need to make them work for your attention.

Women mistakenly feel that if they turn down a date because they have something else going on, the guy will run the other way.

The truth is that men love challenges, and one challenge is to get a date with you. There is nothing wrong with saying, “I’m sorry, Jim, but I have Yoga class on Tuessday nights. Can we get together on Thursday instead?”

Now this guy knows that if he wants on your schedule, he has to work at being important enough to get there. A guy who asks for and expects a date on the same night doesn’t value you very much. By accepting, you’re saying you have no other life than waiting for a date. No good man will value you that way.

Wrong motivation: You are too desperate and come on too strong

When you’re desperate, you’re more likely to put up with bad behavior from men. You may also come on too strong, which can scare men away. If you want to attract great men, you need to be confident and relaxed.

I always tell women that they want to be the choosers, not be grateful to be chosen. When you are in the power position of choosing great men, you’re in the driver’s seat of your romantic relationships. That’s exactly where you want to be!

Too much negativity: You are too negative and complain all the time

No one wants to be around someone who is always negative. If you’re always complaining, you’re going to drive away potential partners. If you want to attract great men, you need to be positive and upbeat. 

This extends to your friend groups. Are your friends negative? Do they sit around and complain all of the time? If so, you may need to evaluate your friends. You want to surround yourself with positive people – glass-half-full people. 

Complaining all of the time is tiresome if you’re on the receiving end of the conversation. Nobody wants to hang out with someone like that. Switch your outlook and find the positive side of life.

stop attracting losers

Stop attracting losers by changing your mindset

Have you ever stopped to consider what you really want in a relationship or even what type of man you want in your life?

Changing your mindset is all about discovering those things as well as setting boundaries and standards for how men will treat you. It also includes learning to believe that you deserve better treatment and embracing your singlehood before entering a relationship.

What do you really want?

To start, you need to focus on what you want in a relationship. What are your dealbreakers? What are your must-haves? Once you know what you’re looking for, you can start to take control of your life and make changes to attract the right kind of men.

Which Boundaries Do You Need?

Setting standards and boundaries is also essential. Don’t be afraid to say no to things you don’t want to do. Don’t let men walk all over you. If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will.

Where is Your Self-Esteem?

You must also believe that you deserve better. If you don’t believe you deserve a great man, you won’t attract one. So start believing in yourself and your worth. You are a catch, and you deserve to be treated as such.

Embrace Your Singlehood

Finally, don’t be afraid to be alone. Being single is not a bad thing. It’s an opportunity to focus on yourself and figure out what you want in life. So don’t settle for a loser just because you’re afraid of being alone. Wait for the right man to come along. He’s out there, and he’s worth waiting for.

Improve your life

To improve your life and attract great men, it’s essential to focus on your personal growth and development. This means pursuing your passions and hobbies, continuously learning and expanding your knowledge, and challenging yourself to reach your full potential. By investing in yourself, you become a more well-rounded and interesting individual, which naturally attracts others to you.

Evaluate Your Friend Group

Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who uplift and encourage you. The people you spend time with have a significant impact on your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Surround yourself with those who inspire and motivate you to be the best version of yourself. Positive relationships can provide emotional support, valuable insights, and opportunities for personal growth.

Make YOU a Priority

Prioritize self-care and your well-being. Taking care of your physical and mental health is crucial for your overall happiness and well-being. Make sure to get enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, and engage in regular exercise.

Practice mindfulness techniques to reduce stress and cultivate a positive mindset. By taking care of yourself, you radiate a healthy glow and energy that others find attractive.

Here are Those Boundaries Again

Set clear boundaries and standards for yourself and others. Know your worth and don’t be afraid to say no when necessary. Establish healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. When you set clear standards and boundaries, you communicate self-respect and self-confidence, which are attractive qualities to potential partners.

It’s Not Just the Outside Men Look At

Remember, attracting great men is not just about changing your external appearance or behavior; it’s about transforming your inner self and living a fulfilling life. By working on your self-esteem, mindset, and personal growth, you become a magnet for positive and meaningful relationships.

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

How to find great men

When looking for a great man, it’s important to know where to find one. Here are a few tips.

Find the Passionate Men

Look for men who are passionate about their work. Men who are passionate about their work are often driven, ambitious, and successful. They are also likely to be intelligent and interesting to talk to.

This type of guy is driven and lives his life with purpose. He won’t lead you astray. He will most likely be financially responsible and he wants to grow as a man.

Give a Second Glance to the Nice Guys

Look twice at men who are kind and respectful. A great man will always treat you with kindness and respect. He will listen to your opinions and value your feelings. He will also be supportive of your goals and dreams.

This guy may be a little quieter than the men you’ve dated in the past. Many women discount the quiet guy, but the chances are great that he’s a guy who deserves a second look.

Get to Know a Man who Manages His Emotions Well

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. Men who are emotionally intelligent are more likely to be empathetic, compassionate, and understanding.

This type of guy is also more likely to be able to handle your emotions. This doesn’t mean he’ll be okay with you having a complete emotional breakdown but he can handle it better when you’ve had a bad day.

Stop attracting losers by making sure he’s financially responsible!

Keep an eye out for men who are financially stable. Financial stability is important for any relationship. A man who is financially stable is more likely to be able to provide for you and your family. He is also less likely to be burdened with debt.

This type of guy wants to provide for you and any family you have in the future. He works hard to do just that. Now, I know you don’t want to lean on a man to take care of you, I get that. What I’m telling you is this guy won’t expect that of you. You won’t have to field dozens of calls from bill collectors or always worry where your next meal is coming from with this guy.

Finally, Find a Guy Who Shares Your Values

Look for men who share your values and interests. It’s important to find a man who shares your values and interests. This will make it easier for you to build a strong and lasting relationship.

Your goals, hopes, and dreams are all tied to those values and interests. Having a partner who shares them with you will guarantee you a fulfilling and fun life together.

Don’t you think you’ve dated enough losers? Isn’t it time to find a great guy to date? Maybe you think you already have!

This book will help you know for sure! You’ll go in-depth on the good and bad qualities to look for in a man so you an know for sure.

End the guessing game and Weed out the Users!

Wrapping up: How to stop attracting losers

I know it’s frustrating to find yourself in bad relationship after bad, but there is a way to stop this trend in your life.

The good, and depending on how you look at it, bad news is that you’re the catalyst for change. Everything you read above is dependent on you making positive changes in your life.

Let’s recall what those changes are:

  • Improve your confidence and self-esteem
  • Give yourself more credit and show less skin, use your personality to win a guy over
  • Get busy with your life so you can genuinely say, “Sorry I’m busy that night, how about this one instead?”
  • Don’t date from a position of desperation; improving your confidence will help you do this
  • Ditch your negative friends who spend all of their time complaining and find some positive friends who share your interests
  • Know what you want from a guy and relationship; how can you know what a great guy looks like if you don’t identify him first?
  • Set some boundaries for how you’ll allow people to treat you, men included
  • Embrace being single! There is never a better time in your life to make all of these improvements!
  • Make you a priority; implement a plan of self-care and self-improvement for YOU, not for a guy

Additionally, know how to find this great guy. Make sure to find a kind man who is passionate, financially responsible, and can handle his emotions. If you’re out on a date with a man who loses his sh*t because the waiter screwed up his order, make that your last date!

Contrary to what your single friends are telling you, there are great men out there and they’re just as frustrated as you are because they want to find great women! be one of those and find yourself a winning relationship!

stop attracting losers
Surviving a Breakup in Your 40s

Surviving a Breakup in Your 40s

There’s no good time in your life to experience a breakup, but I chose to write this article for women over 40 because many times, the breakup was from a long-term relationship.

This means you’ve probably been out of the dating world for a while, perhaps as many as twenty or more years. Dating has changed a lot during that time and knowing how to get over a breakup has changed too.

We’re both older and wiser, and I can say that because I have a few years on you.

This breakup has sidelined you in a big way. When people experience a breakup, there are a few things that naturally occur:

  • Reduced self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth
  • Depression
  • Lower than usual energy
  • A feeling that you’re not strong enough to start over
  • Not wanting to start over at your age

In this article, I’ll help you address those things, but first, I have to tell you that your age is young so there’s no reason for you to feel hopeless in the face of your new-found singlehood. Instead, I encourage you to pull yourself up by your sneaker laces and read on! There’s good news ahead!

how to get over a breakup

How to Get Over a Breakup | Let Him Go

I’m guessing that since you’re here, this breakup wasn’t your idea. If I had to guess, I’d say your guy had some midlife crisis and thinks he can find a younger chippie to service his needs.

He’ll get an ugly surprise if that makes you feel better. Many men leave because they think they can do better than the woman who currently loves them. Many times, they’re wrong and realize it too late.

Your job for now is to let him go. Chances are, you’ve experienced worse things than this in your life and you survived them. Chew on that for a few moments because this tells you that you’re stronger than you believe you are (see bullet #4 above).

You have a lot going for you that younger women don’t. For example, you’ve experienced more of what the world has to offer. You’ve either built a strong career or you’ve worked hard to raise a family; both are important jobs. Perhaps you traveled or started your own business. You may have spent your years raising your kids and chairing committees and coaching soccer.

Younger women don’t have those experiences and that puts them at a disadvantage. If you’re facing the prospect of finding a job when you’ve been out of the workforce for twenty years, rest assured that you’re more employable than you think.

All of this is weighing on you and keeping your thoughts stuck on wanting him back or wishing things were different. Instead, it’s time to let him go. You don’t need a man to be important or to feel needed. You can do this!

Get to Know Yourself Again

Your identity might have several faces. You were your ex’s wife or girlfriend. You may be someone’s mother or even someone’s grandmother. You might be someone’s employee or someone’s boss.

But who are you? Without all those other aspects of your life, what lights you up? What gets you excited? Do you have any hobbies or causes you’re passionate about? Are there volunteer opportunities you never pass up? Are you active in your church or local community?

It’s time to get to know yourself again. Strip away all those other identities and decide what you like to watch, read, play, do, and be. Look in the mirror and examine the strong woman you’ve become over the years.

You’re only at the midpoint of your life. You’ve got at least 40 or 50 more years to go, so giving up isn’t an option! You’re too young for that nonsense! What are you going to do with those 40 or 50 years?

You're a Survivor!

You might not feel like you can survive a breakup when it first happens, but if you look back in your life, you'll see that you've survived breakups before! This is a great article to help you, but there are others! Click the button below to check them out!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Get Out of Your Rut

Did you know that when you turn the same negative thoughts over and over in your brain, they develop grooves that are harder to crawl out of? Your thought patterns make an imprint in your brain, positive or negative.

The more you think the same negative thoughts, the deeper the groove and the trickier it is to repave that spot and replace it with positive thoughts.

This means it’s time to end the negativity! I know it’s not easy but start listening to what you say to yourself about yourself. Are those nice thoughts or are you constantly beating yourself up over past mistakes and decisions?

Which groove do you want to carve in your brain? One with negativity or one with positivity?

Practice Mindfulness

I know mindfulness is sort of the buzzword right now, but that’s because there’s something to it. It goes along with the last point about getting out of your rut.

Essentially, being mindful means being aware of your thoughts and when you find them either anxiously tromping you into the future or mournfully trotting you through your past, bring your thoughts to right now.

What smells are there? What are the sounds around you? What’s going on around you that you can refocus on? If you’re spiritual, this is a good time to lean on that spirituality. It will help you stay present and focused on right now.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Be Grateful

Mindfulness and gratitude can work together for a very positive outlook. When you find yourself focused on what you recently lost, refocus your thoughts on what you have. Some possibilities might include:

  • Good friends
  • Children
  • Loving family members
  • A good job
  • A roof over your head
  • A car that runs without banging on the dashboard
  • A cute dog or cat who loves you unconditionally

You get the idea. There is a lot more to be grateful for than this short list and I’m sure you’ll come up with many more.

Get yourself a notebook and turn it into a gratitude journal. Before you go to bed each night, write three to five things you’re grateful for and challenge yourself not to repeat them from day to day!

Practice Self-Care

Use self-care as a coping mechanism when you feel blue. You’re going through something challenging and taking care of yourself might not be something you’ve done for a long time.

When you practice self-care, you’re sending a signal to yourself that you’re worthy and lovable. It’s a great way to boost how you feel about yourself while at the same time doing something that you can enjoy.

If you struggle with allowing yourself this time, put it into perspective. If you feel beaten down, worn out, and overwhelmed, what good are you to anyone? Taking this time is necessary for your ability to be there for those who rely on you.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Recall Your Coping Strategies from the Past

This isn’t the first thing you’ve gone through that was difficult. What healthy coping strategies have you used in the past to overcome difficult or tragic situations?

Coping strategies are a lot like self-care but can also include sitting down to enjoy a meal filled with comfort food or engaging in activities that make you feel good.

You may find that there is a hobby you’ve enjoyed in the past that helped you take your mind off of something difficult. Get back into that hobby or find another one.

Is there a good friend who is willing to lend an ear? Friends can often see us better than we see ourselves and a good friend will tell it as she sees it. She won’t be mean, but she will be honest.

Whatever works for you, it’s time to call it into action!

Accept Where You Are Today

It’s easy to sit and wish for a different outcome. You can get bogged down in something like that, but it’s not healthy, nor is it productive.

The truth is that no matter how hard you wish for a different life, this is the life you have. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you’ll feel your strength, energy, and power return. I recently read an interesting analogy.

Dealing with where you are today is like walking up against a wall. Our instincts say to claw at the wall and try to get at it, but we’re often better off stepping back from the wall and looking for another way. Let go of the need to work at only that wall as a way to move forward.

In other words, the wall is your broken relationship. You’re clawing at it right now, trying to bust your way into what you want. If you step back from that wall, which also represents the pain and anguish of the breakup, you can gain clarity and see other ways to move forward.

Surrender to the fact that everyone experiences loss in their lives, usually multiple times. This is one of those times. By accepting that you can’t change it, you let go of the need to claw at it.

how to get over a breakup

How to Get Over a Breakup | Develop a Workout Routine

Working out is an excellent way of alleviating the many hormones that are flowing through your body. When you feel anxious, it stirs up your fight or flight mechanism, which releases hormones that make your heart race, your blood pressure increase, and your stomach feels a little queasy.

But when you launch into a workout, all those hormones dissipate and send a signal to your brain that all is well. The chemicals subside and now, if your heart rate is increasing, it’s because of your workout.

Working out is also a way to boost your confidence and self-worth. You’re sending a message to your brain that says “I matter.” That’s never a bad thing!

Finally, workouts produce endorphins, which are happy hormones. You’ll be on a natural high for a while after your workout.

Assess the Breakup for What it Was

If I had to guess, I’d say you blame yourself for the breakup. Your ex may blame you too. Instead of taking his word for it, or believing your negative self-talk, do a true assessment of the breakup. Look at your role and his.

The article I just linked to is on the sister site to this one, and it’s Step Two for women who want to get their ex back. It tells you everything you need to know to assess your breakup and come up with real answers that aren’t all about blaming you!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

Denying your feelings is never a good thing to do. Instead, allow yourself to feel your feelings without becoming bogged down by them.

Too often, we’re afraid that if we allow ourselves to feel the pain of something, that painful feeling won’t ever leave.

To combat this, imagine your feelings as if they’re leaves floating down a stream. They come up to you, they linger with you for a moment, then they pass on by and out of sight.

Those negative feelings are the same. They come up on you, sometimes out of the blue, then they linger with you for as long as you allow them to, and when you let them go, they float on by, leaving you as you were before they arrived.

Don’t let someone else tell you how you should be feeling. You’re entitled to what you feel. I just ask you not to either stuff those feelings down without dealing with them or letting them linger too long.

Be Prepared for Triggers

This will get you every time. Once you’ve moved past this feeling of ickiness, you’ll decide to date again, and when you do, the guy you’re dating will probably push a hot button that you didn’t even know existed.

He’ll say something your ex used to say all the time, or he’ll wear a cologne that reminds you of your ex. He might suggest a movie you watched all the time with your ex or enjoy a similar type of music.

Your gut reaction will probably be anger, but I beg you not to lash out at the poor schmuck who unknowingly pushed that button.

These things will happen. I can guarantee it. If you’re mentally prepared for it, you’ll be able to deal with it more healthily, and the next time it comes along, it won’t be nearly as bad for you.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Recognize That This One Relationship Wasn’t Your Entire World

I know it feels like the rug was pulled out from beneath you and your entire world came crashing down.

The truth is you have other facets to your life outside of this relationship. You have friends, hobbies, a job, things you’re passionate about, maybe a dog or cat, and who knows what else.

While it feels like your entire world crashed down around you, it wasn’t really everything. It was the relationship and only the relationship.

Pick up the pieces of you that came apart with that ending and put them back together into a stronger woman. You can find the steps to do that here.

I don’t mean to minimize your pain, but to help you put it into perspective. It feels like everything, but it isn’t. That feeling will lessen with time.

how to get over a breakup

Take it One Day at a Time

It’s so easy to become anxious about the future. Your negative self-talk might have you living alone for eternity, but reel that back in.

For now, live one day at a time. Don’t look too far into the future because your future is still to be determined.

Get up tomorrow morning and go to work or do whatever it is you do during the day. Take care of the kids, look into your goals, and plan for the day if you haven’t yet.

Move through the day, one step at a time, remembering to be mindful and stay present in the moment, instead of spending too much time looking forward or back.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel, then shove it down the stream. Before you go to bed, journal about the day. What was good? What tripped you up? How can you work through those things that are tripping you up?

Tomorrow will be a little better!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Get Rid of His Stuff

You’ve still got all his stuff taking up space in your closet. He took what he wanted and left the rest for later. His books are still on the shelf. His travel coffee mugs are in the cabinet, and his winter gear is stowed in the hall closet.

It’s time to pack it all up and get it out of your house. If you don’t want to deal with him, deal with his stuff. Get some boxes at the local home store, along with a couple of rolls of tape and some bubble wrap, and go to town.

Pack his things in the boxes and then send him a text that says, “Your stuff is all in boxes now. I’ll set it outside this Friday after work and you can come to get it.”

Then, follow through. Set it out where someone won’t steal it but he can still get to it. If you want to be gone, go. You don’t need to see him to allow him to gather his things.

Hopefully, your breakup isn’t contentious, and you don’t have to worry about him coming into the house.

Be careful to give him his things as they were. In other words, don’t bust up his stuff. Just pack it up and give it to him. Resist the urge to rip his shirts if you’re still feeling angry. And no, it’s not a good idea to keep just one shirt.

Inject Loads of Fun!

There’s nothing wrong, and everything right about enjoying a fun night out or two. Gather your besties and head out for a night on the town! Go to a funny movie or go hang out at a favorite hangout spot.

Go to a comedy show or have a Netflix night where all you watch are movies that make you laugh. If you don’t want to hang with your friends, read a funny book or watch those funny movies by yourself.

Laughter truly can be the best medicine!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Forgive Him…and You

Laughter is great medicine, but forgiveness runs a close second. People often balk at the idea of forgiveness because they think forgiving someone for what they did means it’s now okay.

Forgiveness isn’t for the person you’re forgiving. It’s for you. There is peace and solitude in forgiving. You don’t even need to tell him you forgive him.

When you harbor anger and hurt feelings, it eats away at your soul and keeps you closed off to future relationship possibilities.

It also keeps those feelings at the surface where they’re raw. It’s like having a scab on a wound. The scab keeps coming off, reopening the wound.

If you forgive, the wound heals, and the scab disappears. It’s often said that harboring anger or denying forgiveness is allowing someone to live rent-free in your head. Do you want to give this guy any space in your head?

No? Then forgive him, even if you only say it to yourself.

But while you’re forgiving him, forgive yourself for what you believe was your role in the breakup. Remember, neither of you is perfect. You did the best you could in the situation and now it’s time to let it go.

Learn Something New

It’s important for you to get busy and redirect your thoughts, as you’ve already read. One great way to do that is to take a class in something. If you enjoy cooking, take classes in different ethnic regions. If you enjoy art, take lessons in something new.

Whatever it is, it will help you get back out there and give you something to look forward to. It also helps you meet new people and make new friends.

You’re never too old to learn new things, especially if you’re only in your forties!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Wrapping Up

You might feel old right now, but to me, you’re a young woman who has a lot of life left to live. Don’t allow this breakup to sideline the wonderful woman you can be.

Take some time to process the breakup, then get out there and engage with the world again. Pursue some hobbies. Make new friends. Learn something new. Join a gym.

Whatever it is, do it.

You have the capacity to be the woman of your dreams. All you need to do is set your mind to it and then hit the go button!

Whether you initiate the breakup or he does, there are things you’re either going through now or will go through very soon. For example, did you know that your body is addicted to love? It isn’t just the name of a song – it really happens!

He’s Gone Now What provides you the tools to heal and move forward into a new relationship in a healthy and confident way. You can begin your healing journey today!

2 Ways to Get Over A Breakup Fast

2 Ways to Get Over A Breakup Fast

He’s gone; you’re miserable and looking for clues on how to get over a breakup. You want this feeling, whatever it is, to go away. One minute, you feel angry, then you morph into sad, and sometimes from there you move to hopeful, but eventually, you land on sad.

You want to know how to get over a breakup so you can feel happy again. This rollercoaster of emotions you’ve been on for the last few days is no joy ride.

Not to worry! You’re about to uncover several tools that will guide you in how to get over a breakup and feel better!

Stay Single

I know this isn’t a tool you were hoping for, but the best thing you can do for your future relationships is to stay single right now.

I also understand that you have a deep desire to feel wanted again, to be desired by a man. That’s your body, which is currently addicted to love hormones. There are nine stages of grieving a relationship that everyone goes through. Wanting a rebound relationship is a direct result of those stages.

All a new relationship will do for you now is give you a false sense of belonging. Rebound relationships, including any your ex gets into, are a way of hiding from the pain of the breakup. They rarely, if ever withstand the test of time.

Use this time to focus on healing and regaining your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth, all of which just took a big hit.

how to get over a breakup

How to Get Over a Breakup | Get Rid of the Reminders

One of the worst things you can do right now is sit and stare at old photos of the two of you or his clothing in your space.

There may come a time later when you can look fondly at the old photos, but this isn’t that time. Get some boxes and tape and box up his things. He should have them back anyway. As for the photos and other mementos that you have from your relationship with him, box them separately and put them away.

And yes, this also means that you need to box up the t-shirt of his that you’re keeping under your pillow. You know the one – it smells like him and makes you feel less lonely. Put it in his box.

While you’re removing reminders of him, unfollow him on social media. They’re just more painful reminders of what you lost.

Extend Yourself Kindness and Patience

I bet you’re beating yourself up over things you either said or wish you’d said, things you did or wish you’d done.

What if it was your best friend going through a breakup? Would you be so hard on her? Would you tell her the same things you’re saying to yourself? Would you be telling her to stop moping and get back out there?

No.

Instead, consider this to be similar to suffering a physical injury. Give yourself the same time to heal from your broken heart that you would give if you broke a leg or sprained a wrist.

Allow time to heal. Don’t push down the feelings, but feel them and let them pass through you. Sometimes, we fear feelings because we’re afraid that if we let them come, they won’t go away.

When you’re feeling something, let it come. Remember the last time you felt that same thing – sad, disappointed, anxious, or whatever. Recall that the feeling left and you survived it.

Envision feelings as if they’re leaves. I often use the analogy of leaves floating down a stream. They float up to you and linger in front of you for a few beats before they float away. Feelings are similar. Let them come up, linger for a few beats, and then send them on their way.

They’re survivable, even though it doesn’t feel like they are. 

You're a Survivor!

You might not feel like you can survive a breakup when it first happens, but if you look back in your life, you'll see that you've survived breakups before! This is a great article to help you, but there are others! Click the button below to check them out!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Remember the Bad Times

When you’re mourning someone, you often focus on the good times, but I encourage you to remember the bad times too.

Your relationship wasn’t nearly as perfect as your mind is making it out to be. There were times when things weren’t going so well.

Remember those times so you can keep the relationship in perspective. It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t always great.

This helps you to realize that you can find another relationship that is as good, or even better than the one that just ended, instead of imagining that you’ve lost the best thing in your life and will never experience it again.

It also reminds you that that relationship was broken, and your ex was not the perfect man. Keeping him on a pedestal he doesn’t deserve to be on will only keep you stuck in a mourning phase.

how to get over a breakup

Rejoin Life

At first, you might want to be alone, but don’t allow this time to last too long. Instead, find your strength in your friends and family.

Accept their invitation to go out and have fun. Go to dinner with the family or lunch with your bestie.

Get back out there and live life again. You may still feel sad, but if you’re out doing things, you’re in a positive space.

Additionally, either find a new hobby or reignite your interest in an old one. If you always loved doing something, get back to it.

Doing this helps you divert your thoughts away from the breakup and moves you toward being more active again.

It’s so easy to isolate yourself for too long and that isn’t healthy or productive in getting over your breakup. By staying busy, you’re less isolated and more engaged in the world around you.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Avoid Revenge Posting

Social media is not the place to post derogatory things about your ex. This is a childish and petty way to manage your breakup.

You also don’t need to post things you think will get back to him about how well you’re doing so he’ll realize what he’s missing.

Yes, if you wanted to get him back, at some point I would encourage you to post about your life, but you want to get over your breakup, so this isn’t wise.

All it’s doing is keeping your mind focused on him instead of moving forward.

Embrace Being Single

I know you want to have a man in your life again, but you aren’t ready. You need to allow yourself time to regroup and that’s best done when you’re single.

At the bottom of the article is a link to a book designed to help you do exactly this. The book is called Riding Solo and it’s laid out to help you embrace being single so you can prepare yourself for a new relationship.

There seems to be some kind of stigma associated with being single, but I encourage you to ignore people who say that. Your mother will probably start first. Mothers always want us to be with someone. Tell her you’re healing and when it’s time and you’re ready, you’ll get back out there.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Work on Your Confidence

I mentioned this at the beginning. Building your confidence again will help you attract a great new man into your life. Great men are confident and are attracted to confident women.

If you’ve attracted players and losers before, it’s because your confidence was low, and those types of men recognized it. A player knows better than to approach a confident woman. He knows she’s out of his league.

How do men know? Confident women carry themselves differently. Their body language signals confidence. They walk with their head up, hair not covering their face, shoulders back, and they often have a confident walk that just tells you.

People use the phrase air of confidence and what they’re referring to is mostly body language, with a little attitude thrown in.

Get Healthy

Great health is something you should always work on, but it’s more important than ever now because you need the strength that healthy food provides and the endorphins that working out gives you.

I often take a little heat for suggesting to women that they work out, but I don’t suggest it as a way for you to be more attractive to a man. I suggest it because when you take care of yourself, it improves your self-worth, confidence, and self-esteem.

It’s also good for making sure you live a long life, and of course, those endorphins don’t hurt.

Exercise also helps you burn off any stress and anxiety because working out releases chemicals that counteract the chemicals released by stress and anxiety.

Do it for yourself. Never do anything in your life strictly to get a man. He either likes you for who you are now, or he doesn’t. His loss if he doesn’t! Adopt that attitude and you’ll be happier!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Go for Healthy Touch

Part of your grief might be from losing the touch associated with being in a relationship. Scheduling a massage can help your body, which might have become accustomed to experiencing touch on a regular basis.

While someone giving you a massage isn’t the same as getting a hug or touch from a man, it does give your body the touch it craves.

Additionally, massages have been proven to reduce cortisol levels and cortisol is a stress hormone, so reducing its levels in your body is a great thing!

Kick Fear to the Curb

At some point, you’ll be healed enough to re-enter the dating scene. If you read Riding Solo, it will walk you through that process, but if you don’t, you might let fear dictate your next steps.

Your thoughts can take over if you let them and a fear of making the same mistakes or not being able to find someone new can override your desire to meet a new guy.

If you work on your confidence, which the book helps with, and you don’t rush things too much, your fear will naturally dissipate.

While you’re kicking fear to the curb, be sure to face some of those fears head-on. It will help you build your confidence even more. Every fear you overcome gives a boost to your confidence. That’s never a bad thing!

How to Get Over a Breakup | Develop a New Support System

Your ex was probably one of the main pieces of your support system, but now, when you have a bad day or something goes wrong, you can’t reach out to him.

This is what your girlfriends and family are for. If you’ve let those relationships go, it’s time to rebuild them. You need a strong support system to help you get through those rough patches.

Once you find yourself in a new relationship, be sure to maintain your friendships and connections. There are many times when bouncing something off a girlfriend first is a great move.

Girlfriends are the people you should go to when you’re feeling the highest emotions. Men can’t handle those emotions and are, in general, fixers. When you come to your guy with your problem, his gut says “what can I do to fix this for her?” That’s how he shows his love.

When you come to him sobbing and deeply upset, he struggles to know what to say to make it better for you. In his experience, suggesting how to fix it gets him in trouble, but that’s all he knows to do.

By going to a woman first, you burn off most of the energy from the situation. Then when you talk to your guy about it, he’s better able to manage the situation and you’re more ready to receive his offer of help.

Recall Past Breakups

Unless this is your first-ever relationship, you’ve experienced at least one breakup before this one.

Look back to how you felt back then. It was probably very similar to how you’re feeling today. You probably thought you’d never get over that breakup, but you did.

Rest assured that these feelings of despair and hopelessness will pass, just like they did before, and you will meet a new guy who’s even better than your ex.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Try to Avoid “All or Nothing” Language

Along with recalling past relationships, try to avoid language that is too dramatic:

  • I’ll never find another guy who’s as great as ….
  • Nobody will ever love me like he did
  • There’s no other man for me

These types of statements aren’t true and if you’ve recalled those past breakups, you know that they aren’t. While these statements might be great for a dramatic effect when you talk to your besties, they aren’t helpful in your recovery.

How to Get Over a Breakup | Wrap Up

Reading about how to get over a breakup isn’t the same as actually getting over one, but it’s a great first step.

You might not believe that these things can help, but they’re all tried and true ways to move forward.

Right now, everything feels dismal and bleak, but if you put in the time and effort, you’ll feel a little better each day.

Rely on your support system to help guide you through.

Whether you initiate the breakup or he does, there are things you’re either going through now or will go through very soon. For example, did you know that your body is addicted to love? It isn’t just the name of a song – it really happens!

He’s Gone Now What provides you the tools to heal and move forward into a new relationship in a healthy and confident way. You can begin your healing journey today!

He’s Gone Now What? How to Get Over a Breakup

He’s Gone Now What? How to Get Over a Breakup

Knowing how to get over a breakup just got a whole lot easier! Breakups are terrible, and they do their own kind of damage to your confidence and self-esteem. Much of what you find on this site is designed to help you find a great guy or keep the great guy you have, but there is a sad side to relationships, too, and sometimes I have to address it.

When you experience a breakup, your knee-jerk reaction is to get back out there and find another guy. Your friends and family are even encouraging you to do so! Forget about that jerk, and find someone who deserves you! They’re right. However, it would help if you held off for a while.

Why?

Entering a new relationship right now will not end well for either of you. Before you can get back out there, you need to process the breakup. You’re experiencing many things that you need to address.

This breakup has impacted your mind and body in ways you can’t even imagine. Those effects cause you to react to things in certain, sometimes counterproductive, ways.

There are scientifically proven physiological responses to a breakup. Not only does your body react to a breakup, but it does so in a big way. My friend, Helen Fisher’s study indicates that your body goes through a legitimate withdrawal process after a breakup.

When you are happy and in love, you produce higher than normal amounts of happy neurotransmitters: dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin.

how to get over a breakup

How to Get Over a Breakup | Science Says…

Research shows that recovering from this addiction to love hormones is more complicated than overcoming a cocaine addiction; those chemicals are that powerful in your body.

When you suffer this withdrawal, you feel physical pain more intensely. You may seek activities that boost your dopamine levels, like binge eating, shopping, or being sexually promiscuous.

Without knowing why you’re doing those things, you engage in them because they make you feel better, even if temporarily.

Instead of binge eating, you may lose your appetite, indicating that you’ve slid into a depression. You may also have many restless or sleepless nights. This often happens when you’re fixating on the happy moments of the relationship or the breakup itself.

My new best-selling book, He’s Gone Now What? is divided into three phases:

  • Phase 1 explains everything going on in your mind and body and helps you understand the strategies you need to counter them
  • Phase 2 delivers the process of healing from the breakup, including strategies for handling your pain more healthily; you’ll also find help rebuilding your self-confidence
  • In Phase 3, you’ll discover new methods for finding Mr. Right; you’ll learn new tools which will work for you

Readers Say…

Here is just one testimonial on Amazon:

“Must Read
Yet another great book from Gregg!! Love all his stuff. This book teaches you how to face the hurt/pain when a relationship ends. To go through the grieving process…So many people just rebound into another (I used to do this), and it’s one of the worst things you can do!! This book goes deep and helps you discover parts of yourself that you never looked at contributing to the quality of your relationships…Must read if you want healthier and happier relationships!! – Mary”

If you're ready to move on from this relationship, you're ready for He's Gone, Now What? This book walks you through the many aspects of dealing with a breakup, even if you're the one who initiated the breakup. Regardless of who started it, as they say, your body becomes addicted to the chemicals associated with being in love. The withdrawal process is as daunting as the withdrawal from cocaine.

You'll also learn about the stages of grieving a relationship and how to begin moving forward. You'll walk through the steps of preparing yourself for dating again and gain an understanding of how you can do so in a healthy, happy relationship.

You can learn more about the book here or you can purchase it by clicking one of the buttons below.

How to Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship

How to Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship

Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship!

Houston, we have an emotional problem! Do you ever wonder how you can stop being so emotional in a relationship?

Imagine if the Apollo 13 astronauts broke down and began yelling and screaming at each other while their chances of returning to earth alive dwindled? They needed every second they had to work out their power issues with ground control.

They did it! They worked through their issues, found a solution, and lived to tell the world about it.

How many times have you unloaded on your boyfriend and later wished you could stop being so emotional in your relationship? I know I have felt bad after cutting off a driver and then following up with my middle finger!

I felt like a loser. I felt even more of a loser when I found out the driver was 75 and I almost gave her a heart attack.

Learning to deal with life’s curve balls logically, without all the emotions is a much better plan. I like to count to ten and take two deep breaths before I do or say anything. It works!  I have also learned that when I have the time, I can write the problem down and examine the source of my toxic emotions.

I am better armed to deal with it in a logical manner if I take this time. The few minutes spent thinking, diffuses my emotions and helps me think more clearly.

I now know the person who is on the receiving end of my rant might never look at me the same again. He or she might never compromise on the issue because I was so over the top.

This means handling situations with emotion instead of logically and realistically becomes a lose/lose situation. People want win/win solutions to their problems and arguments.

Of course, bottling up your emotions can be problematic too, especially if you are a guy. Guys tend to keep things to themselves. Women naturally lead with their emotions so what are they to do? Bottle them up also? What’s the secret answer to help you stop being so emotional in a relationship?

How to Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship

Dial Back The Neediness

Everyone is emotionally needy to some point but the problem is when your neediness becomes smothering to your partner. Yes, there are times where you will want to lean on him – the loss of a loved one, best friend, or treasured pet, but there are other times when you need to learn to manage your challenges without dragging him in.

If you must unload your suffering on someone, call a friend or family member. It isn’t that your guy doesn’t want to hear about what’s upsetting you. He does care. What he doesn’t want is to be the catch-all for your drama.

Burn Off Your Negative Energy, Stress And Anxiety

It is scientifically proven that exercising will help alleviate stress. It helps release chemicals that counteract the fight or flight hormoones surging into action during those stressful, anxiety-laced moments. When you’re feeling highly emotional, go for a 3 mile run, head to the gym or kick box the crap out of a punching bag. This is a great way to stop being so emotional in a relationship!

Resist The Urge To Text-Bomb Him

Whether he’s the source of your emotional upset or not, he doesn’t want to hear about it in texts. Women have sent me the texts they send their boyfriends before and I’m blown away by how long they are. If a guy has to scroll to read your text, he’s more likely just not going to read it. Again, it isn’t that he doesn’t care – he does. He just doesn’t want to deal with the highly emotional state you’re in at that moment.

Calm down and, when you’re feeling less stressed and anxious, shoot him a fun text – maybe even poke fun at what had you so worked up, if you’re feeling okay about it.

Examine What You’re Really Feeling And Why

Sometimes, we mislabel our emotions. We might think we’re sad when really, we’re mad as a hornet. Sometimes, hurt feelings can come across as anger. Take time to really examine what you’re feeling and where it’s coming from. Is it really that he didn’t screw the cap on the toothpaste or is it that every time you forgot as a kid, you got blasted for it?

Many times, we are blindsided by things from the past. They hit us, but they do so because someone else triggered that old anger, humiliation or hurt accidentally. It can be a real ah-ha moment if you dig deep enough to see where that’s really coming from. That’s when you can really get it off your chest.

What Would You Say To Your Best Friend?

If your best friend were going through what you’re feeling, what would you tell her? We often give our friends and family great advice but when we’re in the throes of a similar situation, all logic and reason flies out the window. Take a step back and treat yourself as well as you treat others. You’re not perfect. Cut yourself some slack – just like you do with your friends!

Build Your Confidence!

It’s when we aren’t confident that we are most reactive. We don’t believe in ourselves, so we don’t believe in our own ability to control anything but you do have control! You can learn to control this and in doing so, you will build your confidence! If you want help doing this, read about your inner game in my confidence book for women, Comfortable In Your Own Shoes.

He Wants To Help!

Your guy does want to help you but guys are fixers of things. We don’t understand your need to just unload without expecting us to do something to fix the problem. You got rear-ended and the insurance company is giving you the runaround? We want to call them and get it straightened out! Your pipe under the kitchen sink burst and sent potato peels and mashed up food shooting all over your cabinets? We want to fix the pipe.

Of course, the problem is that you’re usually just venting. You don’t want us to fix it – not yet anyway. We don’t understand this so now we’re frustrated too. He wants to show you he loves you by solving your problems but he’s not going to listen to those problems if you’re crying your eyes out or slamming cabinet doors.

Once the situation has calmed for you, share it with him and let him help you.

 

The first confidence building book for women and a best-seller, Comfortable in Your Own Shoes will prepare you to meet great men and enjoy a happy and fulfilling life. And not just any life, but a life you design for yourself. YOUR life your way! 

Are you ready to start planning that great life? Click below to get started today! There’s no time like now to live your life on your terms!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall – Affirmations for Success

Mirror Mirror on the Wall – Affirmations for Success

Hi Ladies, Gregg here and today I need to talk to you about affirmations for success!

Affirmations once had a bad rap. I remember an old Saturday Night Live skit with Al Franken where he looked in the mirror and stated; “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” Then, years later, the science behind affirmations started to seep through. Today, they are one of the most powerful tool I use to succeed in my goals.

Affirmations can make you feel silly at first but do NOT underestimate the power of them. I do them myself and have helped hundreds of women, some with serious issues, change their lives JUST by using affirmations.

Many people say bad things about themselves hundred’s of times per day and, unless they counter these thoughts, the negativity slowly poisons them.

Remember, you didn’t say these bad things when you were a little kid did you? No. Society, our parents, our failed relationships etc. etc, told our brains we are bad people and it’s our fault.

And we believed it.

Let’s replace these negative thoughts with positive ones! If you tell yourself good stuff all day long, every day, for about 33-66 days, your brain will start to believe it, just like it believed the bad stuff and BAM, negative Nelly will be dead and you will jumping for joy.

The brain has no choice but to believe what you tell it to believe…this ain’t hocus pocus – THIS WORKS!!!

The mirror is where it all happens for most people, especially women. The mirror is the conduit for the negativity. Every time you see yourself in the reflection, the negativity starts. That’s why written, positive, notes on your mirror are critical! “I can love”, “I can commit.” Whatever suits you, say it.

You won’t believe it at first but that is OK – SAY IT!!

Then move away from the mirror, for 10 minutes, 15 minutes and keep saying the positive thought – the affirmation. You will find your bad thoughts slowly return – that’s normal and okay. Go farther and farther from the mirror until you can stay positive for 1/2 of a day and then 1 full day.

I named my evil voices – Burt (the parrot) and Ernie (the lizard who eats parrots)! Burt was my bad voice who sat on my left shoulder spewing crap and stomping out my dreams.

Suddenly, and purposely, Ernie appeared as my positive voice to save the day on my right shoulder. They did battle! It was silly, stupid, and funny! I found I was talking to myself out loud all day but who cares – I did it anyway.

Then, after 3 weeks, it all stopped because Burt could not take it anymore and he croaked! And WOW, how free I was that day – I will never forget it.

So if you want to learn more and see how Affirmations will work for you, please read my book Comfortable In Your Own Shoes.

I even made a free eGuide to help my wonderful readers like you, Own Your Tomorrow: Gregg’s 20 Confidence Building Tips

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