He’s gone; you’re miserable and looking for clues on how to get over a breakup. You want this feeling, whatever it is, to go away. One minute, you feel angry, then you morph into sad, and sometimes from there you move to hopeful, but eventually, you land on sad.
You want to know how to get over a breakup so you can feel happy again. This rollercoaster of emotions you’ve been on for the last few days is no joy ride.
Not to worry! You’re about to uncover several tools that will guide you in how to get over a breakup and feel better!
Stay Single
I know this isn’t a tool you were hoping for, but the best thing you can do for your future relationships is to stay single right now.
I also understand that you have a deep desire to feel wanted again, to be desired by a man. That’s your body, which is currently addicted to love hormones. There are nine stages of grieving a relationship that everyone goes through. Wanting a rebound relationship is a direct result of those stages.
All a new relationship will do for you now is give you a false sense of belonging. Rebound relationships, including any your ex gets into, are a way of hiding from the pain of the breakup. They rarely, if ever withstand the test of time.
Use this time to focus on healing and regaining your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth, all of which just took a big hit.
How to Get Over a Breakup | Get Rid of the Reminders
One of the worst things you can do right now is sit and stare at old photos of the two of you or his clothing in your space.
There may come a time later when you can look fondly at the old photos, but this isn’t that time. Get some boxes and tape and box up his things. He should have them back anyway. As for the photos and other mementos that you have from your relationship with him, box them separately and put them away.
And yes, this also means that you need to box up the t-shirt of his that you’re keeping under your pillow. You know the one – it smells like him and makes you feel less lonely. Put it in his box.
While you’re removing reminders of him, unfollow him on social media. They’re just more painful reminders of what you lost.
Extend Yourself Kindness and Patience
I bet you’re beating yourself up over things you either said or wish you’d said, things you did or wish you’d done.
What if it was your best friend going through a breakup? Would you be so hard on her? Would you tell her the same things you’re saying to yourself? Would you be telling her to stop moping and get back out there?
No.
Instead, consider this to be similar to suffering a physical injury. Give yourself the same time to heal from your broken heart that you would give if you broke a leg or sprained a wrist.
Allow time to heal. Don’t push down the feelings, but feel them and let them pass through you. Sometimes, we fear feelings because we’re afraid that if we let them come, they won’t go away.
When you’re feeling something, let it come. Remember the last time you felt that same thing – sad, disappointed, anxious, or whatever. Recall that the feeling left and you survived it.
Envision feelings as if they’re leaves. I often use the analogy of leaves floating down a stream. They float up to you and linger in front of you for a few beats before they float away. Feelings are similar. Let them come up, linger for a few beats, and then send them on their way.
They’re survivable, even though it doesn’t feel like they are.
You're a Survivor!
You might not feel like you can survive a breakup when it first happens, but if you look back in your life, you'll see that you've survived breakups before! This is a great article to help you, but there are others! Click the button below to check them out!
How to Get Over a Breakup | Remember the Bad Times
When you’re mourning someone, you often focus on the good times, but I encourage you to remember the bad times too.
Your relationship wasn’t nearly as perfect as your mind is making it out to be. There were times when things weren’t going so well.
Remember those times so you can keep the relationship in perspective. It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t always great.
This helps you to realize that you can find another relationship that is as good, or even better than the one that just ended, instead of imagining that you’ve lost the best thing in your life and will never experience it again.
It also reminds you that that relationship was broken, and your ex was not the perfect man. Keeping him on a pedestal he doesn’t deserve to be on will only keep you stuck in a mourning phase.
Rejoin Life
At first, you might want to be alone, but don’t allow this time to last too long. Instead, find your strength in your friends and family.
Accept their invitation to go out and have fun. Go to dinner with the family or lunch with your bestie.
Get back out there and live life again. You may still feel sad, but if you’re out doing things, you’re in a positive space.
Additionally, either find a new hobby or reignite your interest in an old one. If you always loved doing something, get back to it.
Doing this helps you divert your thoughts away from the breakup and moves you toward being more active again.
It’s so easy to isolate yourself for too long and that isn’t healthy or productive in getting over your breakup. By staying busy, you’re less isolated and more engaged in the world around you.
How to Get Over a Breakup | Avoid Revenge Posting
Social media is not the place to post derogatory things about your ex. This is a childish and petty way to manage your breakup.
You also don’t need to post things you think will get back to him about how well you’re doing so he’ll realize what he’s missing.
Yes, if you wanted to get him back, at some point I would encourage you to post about your life, but you want to get over your breakup, so this isn’t wise.
All it’s doing is keeping your mind focused on him instead of moving forward.
Embrace Being Single
I know you want to have a man in your life again, but you aren’t ready. You need to allow yourself time to regroup and that’s best done when you’re single.
At the bottom of the article is a link to a book designed to help you do exactly this. The book is called Riding Solo and it’s laid out to help you embrace being single so you can prepare yourself for a new relationship.
There seems to be some kind of stigma associated with being single, but I encourage you to ignore people who say that. Your mother will probably start first. Mothers always want us to be with someone. Tell her you’re healing and when it’s time and you’re ready, you’ll get back out there.
How to Get Over a Breakup | Work on Your Confidence
I mentioned this at the beginning. Building your confidence again will help you attract a great new man into your life. Great men are confident and are attracted to confident women.
If you’ve attracted players and losers before, it’s because your confidence was low, and those types of men recognized it. A player knows better than to approach a confident woman. He knows she’s out of his league.
How do men know? Confident women carry themselves differently. Their body language signals confidence. They walk with their head up, hair not covering their face, shoulders back, and they often have a confident walk that just tells you.
People use the phrase air of confidence and what they’re referring to is mostly body language, with a little attitude thrown in.
Get Healthy
Great health is something you should always work on, but it’s more important than ever now because you need the strength that healthy food provides and the endorphins that working out gives you.
I often take a little heat for suggesting to women that they work out, but I don’t suggest it as a way for you to be more attractive to a man. I suggest it because when you take care of yourself, it improves your self-worth, confidence, and self-esteem.
It’s also good for making sure you live a long life, and of course, those endorphins don’t hurt.
Exercise also helps you burn off any stress and anxiety because working out releases chemicals that counteract the chemicals released by stress and anxiety.
Do it for yourself. Never do anything in your life strictly to get a man. He either likes you for who you are now, or he doesn’t. His loss if he doesn’t! Adopt that attitude and you’ll be happier!
How to Get Over a Breakup | Go for Healthy Touch
Part of your grief might be from losing the touch associated with being in a relationship. Scheduling a massage can help your body, which might have become accustomed to experiencing touch on a regular basis.
While someone giving you a massage isn’t the same as getting a hug or touch from a man, it does give your body the touch it craves.
Additionally, massages have been proven to reduce cortisol levels and cortisol is a stress hormone, so reducing its levels in your body is a great thing!
Kick Fear to the Curb
At some point, you’ll be healed enough to re-enter the dating scene. If you read Riding Solo, it will walk you through that process, but if you don’t, you might let fear dictate your next steps.
Your thoughts can take over if you let them and a fear of making the same mistakes or not being able to find someone new can override your desire to meet a new guy.
If you work on your confidence, which the book helps with, and you don’t rush things too much, your fear will naturally dissipate.
While you’re kicking fear to the curb, be sure to face some of those fears head-on. It will help you build your confidence even more. Every fear you overcome gives a boost to your confidence. That’s never a bad thing!
How to Get Over a Breakup | Develop a New Support System
Your ex was probably one of the main pieces of your support system, but now, when you have a bad day or something goes wrong, you can’t reach out to him.
This is what your girlfriends and family are for. If you’ve let those relationships go, it’s time to rebuild them. You need a strong support system to help you get through those rough patches.
Once you find yourself in a new relationship, be sure to maintain your friendships and connections. There are many times when bouncing something off a girlfriend first is a great move.
Girlfriends are the people you should go to when you’re feeling the highest emotions. Men can’t handle those emotions and are, in general, fixers. When you come to your guy with your problem, his gut says “what can I do to fix this for her?” That’s how he shows his love.
When you come to him sobbing and deeply upset, he struggles to know what to say to make it better for you. In his experience, suggesting how to fix it gets him in trouble, but that’s all he knows to do.
By going to a woman first, you burn off most of the energy from the situation. Then when you talk to your guy about it, he’s better able to manage the situation and you’re more ready to receive his offer of help.
Recall Past Breakups
Unless this is your first-ever relationship, you’ve experienced at least one breakup before this one.
Look back to how you felt back then. It was probably very similar to how you’re feeling today. You probably thought you’d never get over that breakup, but you did.
Rest assured that these feelings of despair and hopelessness will pass, just like they did before, and you will meet a new guy who’s even better than your ex.
How to Get Over a Breakup | Try to Avoid “All or Nothing” Language
Along with recalling past relationships, try to avoid language that is too dramatic:
- I’ll never find another guy who’s as great as ….
- Nobody will ever love me like he did
- There’s no other man for me
These types of statements aren’t true and if you’ve recalled those past breakups, you know that they aren’t. While these statements might be great for a dramatic effect when you talk to your besties, they aren’t helpful in your recovery.
How to Get Over a Breakup | Wrap Up
Reading about how to get over a breakup isn’t the same as actually getting over one, but it’s a great first step.
You might not believe that these things can help, but they’re all tried and true ways to move forward.
Right now, everything feels dismal and bleak, but if you put in the time and effort, you’ll feel a little better each day.
Rely on your support system to help guide you through.
Whether you initiate the breakup or he does, there are things you’re either going through now or will go through very soon. For example, did you know that your body is addicted to love? It isn’t just the name of a song – it really happens!
He’s Gone Now What provides you the tools to heal and move forward into a new relationship in a healthy and confident way. You can begin your healing journey today!
