I wanted to write a piece to help a lot of my readers. I chose the age of 40 because I wanted to make it clear that this article is for women who need help surviving a breakup of a long-term relationship.
All breakups hurt, but when you have been a part of a duo for decades it can be especially painful. The years when you took care of yourself are most likely distant memories. You gave and gave and gave.
And now you are alone.
Who do I turn to? What do I do right now? Where is any glimmer of hope?
Let me be your glimmer of hope. I have a few unorthodox ideas.
Ball your eyes out
I’m not kidding. Ball your friggin’ eyes out until you are out of tears. But I want you to do this with one catch: Set a specific time limit on this. Three days or one week, I don’t care, but no longer.
Stop and consider
In between crying, you will have sudden points when you stop and act completely normal – like nothing ever happened. Your mind is taking a break and not letting you think about him – kind of a self-defensive mechanism.
During one of these timeouts, I want you to feel your pain and decide that it is beautiful. Understand that what you are experiencing is a part of love – it’s just the opposite swing of the pendulum. Don’t fight it, embrace it and tell yourself you loved like only a human can and you are better for it. Realize that the people who really should be crying are the ones who never loved. You did.
And then smile.
Write the letter
Tell him everything. What you loved about him, what you hated, the great times you remember and the shit that you couldn’t stand about him. Add anything else you want to say. Get angry. Yell and scream. Then cry again if you must.
Burn the letter
You didn’t think I was going to have you send it did you? No. This letter isn’t telling him you forgive him, it’s giving you permission to move on. Do it and feel the finality as you watch the letter burn.
Make a decision
While the letter is still smoldering, tell yourself there is a new and exciting life waiting and ready for you and you will love again soon. Tell yourself it starts tomorrow.
In the morning
Exercise hard. This isn’t about slimming down. When you workout, “happy” chemicals are released into your body. These chemicals will make you feel stronger and more positive and will combat the negative chemicals banging around, making you feel miserable. You need these hormones and they are easy to produce by working out hard.
Connect with nature
Don’t ask why, just do it! Go snowshoeing, walk on a beach or get lost on some wonderful hiking trail. Nature cures. Google the why if you need to, I don’t care, but get out there and let your senses take it all in like you have never experienced before. Nature is Gods natural drug – get addicted!
Gather your entourage
Gather around you your closest friends and family members. Tell them you need them to keep you busy and upbeat. They will know what to do. Stay at their house for a few nights. Go out to eat. Shop. Buy yourself something. Encourage them to take on a new hobby with you. Be alone as little as possible.
Book a vacation
Do it now. You are feeling better and you won’t sulk in Cozumel while skinny dipping!
Embrace the change
Change your life. Change your daily coffee watering hole. Start creating your new and vibrant social life. Change your dress and change your hair – heck why not! Today is the day you get mad and break out. Your ex is dead to you and now you have entered the “You know, I can do a whole lot better than him” stage.
You didn’t expect that one, did you? I am a dating and life coach who knows all about reversing the crappy thoughts your conscious mind is feeding your subconscious. I talk to my readers. Go read my reviews on Amazon.
Surviving a Breakup in Your 40’s just got a whole lot easier!
Gregg began his journey into understanding the mistakes we make in dating and how to fix them by interviewing thousands of people – happy couples, unhappy couples, singles looking for ‘the one’ and everyone in between. He reviewed his own dating experiences and combined all of this information into his series of dating advice books for men and women.