Build a Great Relationship Archives

How to Overcome Relationship Trust Issues

Build a Great Relationship, Build Confidence

You want to trust him, really you do, but the relationship trust issues between you feel insurmountable. How can you overcome this and build a bright and wonderful relationship? Let’s find out!

Why Trust is So Important

Before we get into the how, I always like to dig into the why. Why is trust such an important piece of a great relationship?

There are two sides to trust in a relationship. The first is you, your behavior and any issues you may bring to the table. The second is your partner and his behaviors, added to whatever residual issues he might bring along.

Trust Forms a Solid Foundation

As children, we trust our parents to provide for our needs, both physical and emotional. We also trust them to have our backs, guide us through life, and help us safely learn some of those difficult lessons life teaches.

But sometimes kids have parents who fail in their task. They don’t provide – maybe even aren’t present in the child’s life at all. The trust a child should inherently have in someone who supposedly loves them is eroded and the child quickly learns that people can’t be trusted.

That relationship never feels like it’s on solid ground. You never know what’s coming at you next or who, if anyone, will have your back. A bully chases after you at school, but you know nobody at home cares, so you fight back instead. In fact, you may find that you’re always fighting back, even when it seems unnecessary.

Relationship trust issues erode any sense of safety you wish to feel. Instead of feeling like your partner is someone you can share everything with, you feel you can’t share anything with him. Will he make fun of you? Is he likely to go off and tell someone who may want to retaliate?

But relationship trust issues also cause you to be in a continuous state of worry. Is he cheating on me? Did he put money into our bank account, or did he drink it all away? What kind of mood will he be in when he gets home? Should I find somewhere else to be or brave it? Some trust issues are warranted.

With trust, you can share your vulnerabilities and fragilities. You build intimacy in those moments. You feel safe and comforted knowing your partner will stand up for you no matter what!

Your Communication is Better

Poor communication is a relationship killer, and a big part of poor communication is relationship trust issues.

Why would you communicate honestly with someone you don’t trust? It’s like telling the biggest gossip in town your most valuable secrets, then being surprised when everyone knows in three days.

In relationships with good communication, trust is also present. You feel comfortable speaking freely because you know your partner is listening. It’s easier to be open and honest with him since you know he won’t immediately be judgmental.

Imagine being able to share your deepest fears with your partner, and instead of judgment, you know that he will wrap his warm arms around you, figuratively or literally, and comfort you. You know that he will help you overcome those fears, not make fun of you for them.

You Can Forgive and Forget

Forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood concepts I think there is for humans. People think that if they forgive someone, they make whatever happened okay.

That isn’t what forgiveness is about.

When you hold onto anger, the cliché is that you’re allowing them to live rent free in your head. The anger follows you around like a lost puppy, always nagging, always present.

When you forgive someone, including yourself, you aren’t saying that what happened is okay. You’re saying that you aren’t going to allow what happened to overtake your life. You’re willing to let it go and move forward.

The benefits of forgiveness can’t be ignored:

Reduced stress and anxiety
Feeling less depressed
Higher self-esteem
An increased sense of optimism
Improved communication
The ability to form stronger bonds
Resilience
The ability to feel empathy and compassion
Being able to move forward
Increased heart health
Lower blood pressure
Healthier immune system

WOW! That’s a lot of great benefits to forgiveness. Conversely, when you can’t forgive, or refuse to forgive, you may experience:

Being stuck in the past
Higher stress and anxiety
Unhealthy relationships
Trust issues
Weakened immune system
Higher blood pressure and poor heart health

Personally, I’d prefer the benefits of forgiveness. The great thing is that you don’t need to tell the person who hurt you that you forgive them. Write them a letter of forgiveness, then burn it or shred it.

Forgiveness is for you, not someone else. It’s giving yourself permission to let go of the hurt and boot that person out of your headspace.

Improved Health

You just read how forgiveness improves your health. When you carry around stress and anxiety for any reason, your body is in a constant state of fight or flight and the hormones associated with that are continuously flowing through your body.

They do physical damage to your heart and immune system with prolonged exposure.

By solving relationship trust issues, you reduce the stress in your relationship and allow that fight or flight mode to subside. You feel calmer in general, in addition to feeling supported and secure.

Studies show that people who are in trusting relationships enjoy better physical and emotional health.

Your Relationship Withstands Difficult Tests

Every relationship is tested from time to time, whether it’s the challenge of new stages of life, life-changing accidents, or even illnesses. How well you overcome those challenges speaks to whether there are relationship trust issues between you.

I know a young family with four children who all just found out that the father of the family has incurable cancer and less than six months to live.

Without trust between Joseph and Amy, it would be difficult for him to feel safe and secure in his present state. He must put all of his trust in his wife, not just for his own care, but for the care of their four young children.

This is, by far, the most difficult test any relationship faces, and unfortunately, the end result of the test is death for Joseph. But Joseph can rest in peace knowing that his children will be well cared for by their mother. He can navigate each day of his disease knowing that she is providing the best care for him that she’s capable of.

Many other relationship tests aren’t so dramatic, and yet, they may still test the foundation of your relationship. Good people make mistakes, and those mistakes can really test you, and may even cause those relationship trust issues.

That’s why it’s so important to keep open lines of communication and be wiling to forgive. It helps keep those trust issues from eroding completely.

How do You Know if You Have Trust Issues?

Trust is most simply defined as believing that the other person in the relationship is honest and reliable. You know you can depend on him no matter what because he makes you feel safe and secure.

But if there are trust issues, you might experience or feel some of these things.

You Always Assume the Worst

Relationship trust issues force you to always be on the defensive. He got home an hour late. Was he with another woman? Was he out drinking when he said he would stop?

Your partner may not have ever done those things before, but your trust issues have you questioning everything and assuming the worst.

It also shows up in waiting to see what someone wants from you if you ask something of them. You ask a friend to pick up your child at school because you have an appointment, then you just wait for her to ask something of you.

Your Suspicious of His Intentions

Hey Babe, let’s get out of here this weekend. Let’s go to the beach and just chill. Your mind immediately goes to why? Why is he trying to run away? What’s going to happen at home this weekend that makes him want to leave?

Or maybe he brings you a dozen red roses after work one day, just for the heck of it. Instead of feeling grateful, your mind wanders to what did he do wrong? Why is he trying to butter me up now?

It might be that he just wants to spend quality time with you at the beach, or maybe he just felt like showing you with roses that he cares for you. By reading more into it than was there, you’re setting yourself up for a fight that doesn’t need to happen.

You Sabotage the Relationship

This happens so often, and it makes me so sad. You’ve been burned so many times by people from your past that you can’t now see how this guy will be any different.

In fact, you probably have a marker in a relationship, usually some set timeframe – three months, six months – when you just know he’s gonna end it any time now.

Instead of waiting for him to end it, you start picking fights and forcing the issue.

Unfortunately, the truth may be that was really into you until you started sabotaging the relationship. Now, though, he does just what you always expected him to do – he leaves. But he isn’t leaving for the reasons you imagine. He’s leaving the Crazytown your relationship became.

You Distance Yourself from Him

Getting too close to someone might make you feel really edgy. You’ve felt this way in the past and gotten burned every time, or what feels like every time anyway.

Rather than allow your vulnerabilities to show through, you hide everything you’re feeling. You keep a brick wall up between you so you feel safer.

Unfortunately, that brick wall, while invisible, is still very strong and instead of lowering the wall, it’s getting taller and taller with each piece of you that you withhold.

The distance you’re keeping helps you feel less edgy and fearful. The hurt you’ve experienced in the past is less likely to creep in if you keep to yourself and don’t let anyone in – at least not really in.

You Focus on What Will go Wrong

Instead of looking for things to go well, you always see the negative side of something. Negativity becomes your main state of being.

You want to buy a house together? What if one of you loses your job? What if a tornado or hurricane blows it off of the map?

You want to go on vacation together? What if you miss your flight? Worse yet, what if the plane crashes?

The scenarios you build with your anxiety are usually far-fetched but feel very possible and real.

It’s very difficult to be around someone who’s always a doomsdayer. It’s tedious. Nobody wants their relationship to be described as tedious!

What Causes Relationship Trust Issues?

Sometimes, relationship trust issues stem from something deep in your past. Other times, they arise out of your partner’s behavior or his own trust issues. Let’s examine where relationship trust issues might come from.

A Betrayal

This one is tricky because it might be that this partner betrayed you, or it could be that someone from your past has betrayed you.

If it’s this partner, you might be able to work with a couples’ therapist to rebuild your trust issues. It’s not likely something you can do on your own as the hurt may still be too fresh.

If it’s past relationship betrayals, it’s time to stop lumping all men into one cheater category. Let this new guy be himself. Instead of automatically assuming he isn’t trustworthy, allow him to earn your trust by showing up when he says he will and doing other things that can build your trust in him.

In either instance, you must move past the feeling of mistrust that you own. I know how the cliché goes – fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. But let him prove to you that he’s either not a guy from your past or not the same guy who betrayed you previously.

Your Parents

If you experienced a poor relationship between your parents, it may cause you to have your own relationship trust issues now. If your father cheated or your mother was always spending money your family didn’t have, it likely caused arguments centered around trust.

Growing up with that as your relationship model will cause you to have relationship trust issues by default.

Experiencing Rejection as a Child

Kids are mean and some kids are always rejected by their peers.

I know a young lady, now twelve years old, who has severe anxiety. Among other disorders, she has misophonia, which means that repetitive or loud noises make her feel very anxious. She also has social anxiety.

Unfortunately for this young lady, she has a twin sister who is her polar opposite. The twin is socially active, athletic, and not afraid of anything. It’s very difficult to experience your own anxiety while watching those around you act as if they don’t feel it too.

The truth is that both girls have anxiety and fear but show it in different ways. The social twin fears social isolation so she’s gregarious, almost to a point of being fake about it. The twin with anxiety experiences social isolation due to her high level of fear and anxiety.

As adults, these two girls will both likely experience relationship trust issues. The social twin because she doesn’t feel like she can be herself to be accepted and the anxious twin because she already feels isolated and rejected by her peers, even though she rarely gives them a chance to know her.

Negative Life Experiences

Some kids experience some awful things in their young lives and it leaves an imprint. For Joseph and Amy’s kids, especially the two who are five and seven, they’ll battle with feeling abandoned by their father, even though he can’t help what’s happening to him.

This may cause them to have relationship trust issues as adult women. The man they trusted the most in their young lives left them at a young age. If Dad can leave, why wouldn’t any other man?

It isn’t always a logical thought process from A to B, but it’s the process many take nonetheless.

Many negative life experiences force us into a place where we don’t trust anyone. It’s a natural consequence of things you often cannot control.

Overcoming Relationship Trust Issues

Finally, right? That’s what you came here to find in the first place.

How can you overcome relationship trust issues?

The most logical answer is that it depends on what caused them, but still, there are strategies that might help, regardless of where they came from.

Allow Trust to Build Slowly

Trust isn’t something you just decide to do one day. You must allow it to grow over time. Observe the behaviors of those you seem to not trust. Are they showing you that they are trustworthy or untrustworthy?

Sometimes, we fail to see trustworthy behavior because we’re almost blind to it due to past experiences.

Look for indications that this person can be trusted. Does he show up on time for dates? When he says he’s going to do something, does he do it? If the answer is yes, he’s trying to build your trust. Let him.

Forgive

Boy, talk about a recurring theme, right? Forgiveness helps take a few bricks out of that wall you’ve built.

Everyone makes mistakes, including you. Forgiving a mistake is okay. In fact, it’s necessary to positive mental health.

Reread the section above on forgiveness if you’re still doubtful about this one.

Talk About It

If your trust issues are rooted deeply in your past, tell your partner about them. You don’t have to dig up every single root, just share the main branches.

This will help him understand that you’re a work in progress and are asking for his patience.

This type of honesty goes back to that communication thing above. Someone in your life can’t understand your reactions to things if they don’t know where they’re coming from.

Ask Yourself – Is This About Trust or Control?

It’s normal if you have trust issues to want to be in control. When you don’t feel you have complete control over a situation, you become mistrustful of what’s happening.

This may show up in a variety of ways. For example, if you’ve been betrayed financially before, you may demand more control over the finances. It really isn’t control you seek, but trust that what you think is going on with your money really is.

In this instance, it’s okay to give over a little control. Allow him to pay the bills and trust that he does so in a timely manner. Resist the urge to check and double-check. When you feel the anxiety, remind yourself that you have no reason to mistrust him.

It’s okay to give up some control when it seems like a good idea.

Learn to Manage Your Anxiety

Trust is often really anxiety.

Anxiety is anticipating a negative event in the future. If he cheats on me, he’ll leave me. If she doesn’t pay the bills, we’ll lose everything. If I don’t know where he is every second of the day, he’ll cheat on me.

In these instances, trust becomes a decision you make, rather than a feeling you have.

Trust that your partner will pay the bills.

If he says he isn’t cheating on you, trust his word unless you have substantial and real proof (not a feeling).

The truth is that we cannot control other people. We can only control ourselves. If you really find that someone has broken your trust, there are two possible avenues for you to take.

The first is to leave the relationship or friendship. Just walk away.

The second is to seek help, both for yourself and your trust issues, and the relationship. It’s always possible that your lack of trust was actually the root of the problem.

If she always thinks I’m cheating, I may as well go ahead and cheat. At least then, I’ll be doing what she’s accusing me of.

Root Out the True Problem

Of course, the best way to resolve relationship trust issues is to find the root of the problem. Is it in your past? Is it in his? Do you have valid reasons for mistrusting him? If so, why are you staying with him?

If he’s cheated on you, why? What was already broken in your relationship, because something was. Either you snagged a player or there was a relationship issue lying deeper under the surface.

If the roots of your relationship trust issues are in your past, it’s best to seek out some professional help to work through those things. If they’re still nagging you now, chances are they need more than a few blog articles for resolution.

What’s the Common Denominator?

Are all of your relationships plagued with trust issues or is this the first one? If it’s the first one, it’s likely not something you’ve brought to the scene, but if all of your relationships seem to have these trust issues, it may be time to change things up.

Relationship trust issues that aren’t rooted in that relationship are often due to low self-esteem, low confidence, and/or low self-worth. You don’t believe you can have a loving relationship or that you don’t deserve one.

It may be that these go back to those childhood issues. You had an absent parent who made you feel abandoned – not worthy of their love. It may be that you’ve had enough crappy relationships that you don’t believe in your own ability to find great guys.

Either way, it’s time to work on those issues and again, if this is a long-fought problem, a professional may be your best bet.

Note the anxiety you feel in specific situations. When you think your friends are getting together without you, resist the urge to text all of them multiple times throughout the evening. If you think your boyfriend might be cheating on you, resist the desire to drive around all of the local hotels, and his apartment, to see if his car is there and/or a car you don’t recognize.

These behaviors feed your mistrust instead of helping you trust more deeply.

Be a Trustworthy Person

If you want to improve relationship trust issues, be a trustworthy person. Trust is a two-way street. You build your trust along with your partner, slowly and over time.

Be open about your feelings, opinions, boundaries, and past issues. This doesn’t mean you spill every single thing but share bits and pieces that help him make sense out of your situation and help you grow.

Additionally, being trustworthy means allowing him to make a mistake without blowing it completely out of proportion. He trusts you to react appropriately.

Wrapping Up Relationship Trust Issues

Trust might make you feel uncomfortable at first, but if you allow people to build your trust in them, you’ll find yourself enjoying happier and more meaningful relationships. This is true of friendships, not just romantic relationships.

Relationship trust issues show up in all of your relationships, not just specific ones.

The more times you’re willing to forgive someone and give them another chance, the happier and more trustful you’ll be.

It’s not a fast road to travel down, but one you should traverse slowly and steadily. As those urges to check and double-check wain, you’ll find that you’re more relaxed and much less anxious. You’ll feel healthier and your body will definitely benefit!

The first confidence building book for women and a best-seller, Comfortable in Your Own Shoes will prepare you to meet great men and enjoy a happy and fulfilling life. And not just any life, but a life you design for yourself. YOUR life your way!

Are you ready to start planning that great life? Click below to get started today! There’s no time like now to live your life on your terms!

BUY NOW IN THE US

BUY NOW IN THE UK

BUY NOW AUDIBLE

How Soon is Too Soon to Propose?

Build a Great Relationship, Date Great Men

Gregg, I’ve been dating this guy for a couple of months, and I really like him, but how soon is too soon to propose?

I’m afraid that if you’re asking this question, you might not like my answer, but let’s dive into this topic and see if we can come to an agreement.

Short versus Long-Term Gratification

There’s a popular study often called the Marshmallow Study, during which a researcher gave a group of four-year-olds one big fluffy marshmallow. The children were told that if they could wait to eat the marshmallow until the researcher returned from running a quick errand, they would get not one, but two big fluffy marshmallows.

Some children ate theirs, others did not during the fifteen-minute absence of the researcher.

Many years later, the researcher followed up with these same people. The research showed that the children who couldn’t wait as four-year-olds were still seeking short-term gratification while the children who were able to wait then now also enjoyed the gift of waiting for long-term gratification and had happier lives overall.

In other words, if you wait longer, there is usually a higher reward, in this case, a greater chance of success in the marriage and a happier relationship.

How Soon is Too Soon to Propose?

It can feel like each week is a month long if you’re waiting for a long-term commitment, especially if you feel a strong connection to a guy.

But slow down friend. Let’s make sure that before you dig into a commitment like marriage that you’re sure this guy is worthy of you and that your relationship is truly on course for long-term success.

The truth is that the longer you’re able to wait, the better, within limits of course. Let’s look at some signs that it’s too soon.

It’s Been Less Than a Year

While it’s true that some couples get engaged faster, your odds of success increase the longer you wait.

Within that first year, you may still be in the honeymoon phase, and if you aren’t, you probably aren’t long out of it.

It’s unlikely that you’ve experienced enough together to know for sure that you’re a good fit for one another. You’ll understand better after you finish reading.

You Don’t Know Much About One Another

It takes time to get to know someone really well. Even if you’ve made the mistake of sharing too much too soon, you still don’t know the important things.

Learning about someone comes more through experiences together and less through their words. He may say he loves kids, then whenever you’re around your nieces and nephews, he shies away. That’s your real answer.

You should know what he does for a living and what his goals are for his career. The two of you should be comfortable sharing your vulnerabilities as well. These things may seem small, but they add up over time.

You’ve Either Had Ugly Arguments or No Arguments

A good relationship has disagreements, but if both parties are good communicators, those arguments don’t get ugly.

Instead, you learn how to navigate them, and you work through things together.

If you’ve never argued, you aren’t being honest with one another. One or both of you are afraid to express your true opinions, which means there isn’t a great feeling of trust between you yet.

One of Both of You are Struggling Financially

Entering a marriage on solid footing is challenging enough. Entering one when one or both of you are struggling financially brings many new challenges to the situation.

If you’ve read my articles and followed my advice, you already have your financial act together, but if you haven’t, it’s time.

Financial soundness isn’t just something I recommend for your relationship; it’s something you should strive for regardless. It provides you with a freedom that’s hard to ignore. It also proves to any interested man that you want him for more than his financial support.

How do You Know It’s Time

Some believe that two years is a good timeframe to use, but setting a definitive timeframe doesn’t take into consideration the characteristics of your individual relationship.

For example, if you have a long-distance relationship due to living apart or military deployment, you’re not spending as much time together as a couple who lives in the same area.

When you live close, you may enjoy one or two date nights a week, maybe even more. But if you don’t live close enough, you may get one date a month or less if it’s military-based.

It’s the time you spend together that will better determine a timeframe. Of course, this doesn’t mean that if you’re long distance you need to wait a lot longer, but you do need to make sure that you know one another well enough to consider such a big step.

You’re Still in the Honeymoon or Infatuation Stage

One problem with jumping into marriage too soon is that you might not be giving the relationship enough time to stretch past the honeymoon phase when everything is glowing and fun. The chemistry is high, and you’re very attracted to one another.

As you can read in the article linked above, there are many dangers of a proposal during this initial phase of your relationship, not the least of which is ignoring the red flags.

This stage is a highly emotional stage of the relationship, which overrides your overall ability to use logical thought. The chemistry is hot and all you want to do is spend time together.

The problem is that if you do see red flags, you’ll dismiss them as inconsequential. You can read more about dating with your head, not your heart here.

Another risk is wanting to spend so much time with your new guy that you give up your life outside of the relationship. Your hobbies and activities with your friends are sidelined to spend more time with your guy.

But, you need time apart from one another too. Even when you’re living together or married, you need time to yourselves.

This stage is also at risk where honesty is concerned. During this phase, you’re essentially trying to market yourself to the other person. You want to put your best foot forward, and that may not fully reflect who you are.

And, of course, the last leads us back to our topic for today. In the honeymoon phase, you may have higher than reasonable expectations for your relationship, thinking you’re ready for a long-term commitment way before you really are. Expect this stage to last three to twelve months.

You’re Able to Communicate Effectively

Poor communication is a relationship killer. If you can’t talk to one another, how can you have a good relationship?

The problem is that people think of communication as talking, few realize it’s also about listening. In fact, one could argue that listening is more important than talking.

Another problem with communication is that some folks communicate through yelling. This intimidating form of communication is akin to bullying and gets you nowhere. Couples who yell often have problems staying together.

A third problem with communication is when people can’t be honest or share their vulnerabilities. It’s scary to tell someone about your soft underbelly and men are as afraid of this as women. But once your relationship settles in and moves past infatuation, you should feel more comfortable sharing.

You’ve Discussed Marriage

You’ve been dating for a few months, and you hear wedding bells, but how does he feel about marriage? Conversely, how badly would you feel if you didn’t want to get married and he proposed?

Even early in dating, it’s okay to discuss marriage in general. Feel one another out about marriage and even kids. While he might be into marriage, he might not want kids while you can hear your biological clock ticking loudly.

Better to know where you each stand on the topic before you get too far into things, and someone has higher expectations than the other person is willing to commit to.

You’ve Met the Important People

You can learn a lot about a man by how he treats others and how they treat him. With his family, examine how he treats the females in his family. Is he close with them? Do they respect him?

The last thing you want is the family saying Honey, run away before it’s too late! And this does happen! A family who knows their guy is a schmuck but likes you will advise you to get out. Take their advice.

With his friends, you can look at whether they respect him and how they are around him. Also, this is a good time to look at how he treats you when you’re out with his friends. He should not ignore you and should protect you. He should treat you with respect regardless of where you are, to be honest.

You’ve Passed Some Important Milestones Together

Marriages are challenging enough without jumping in too soon. A relationship that’s been well-tested has passed a few milestones.

The first is that you’ve experienced and survived an argument. You learn how you both handle a disagreement between you and whether you’re each willing and able to forgive after.

No relationship is perfect, so knowing how this shakes out is very important to your long-term success. If you can’t argue well, all bets are off. It will be a rocky ride.

Another dynamic to settle is how your marriage will be run. Is he in charge? Are you? Do you share in the control of the relationship? Do you want kids? Who will stay home with them, if anyone?

A third hurdle is traveling together. You learn a lot about someone when they’re away from home. It’s a more stressful situation because you’re in unfamiliar territory. Flights get cancelled. Bad weather creeps up. Hotel rooms turn out to be mold infested. You get to see one another at your best and worst.

Plus, you’re spending nearly 100% of your time together. Does this bring you closer together or make you feel anxious?

He Has All of the Traits of a Good Man

Just last week, I posted an article about the qualities in a good man. You can find it here. Make sure your guy checks a lot of those boxes, specifically confidence and great communication.

If he has one or two of those traits, but that’s it, it doesn’t make him a good man. You want him to have most of those traits, not just a couple.

You also want to make sure that while he exhibits those traits early on, he continues to do so after the infatuation has dissipated and you’re seeing more of his true self.

You Consider Yourselves a Unit

Your best friend texts and invites you to a party at her house this weekend to celebrate her thirtieth birthday. Do you say, “Yeah sure I’ll be there” or “Year sure we’ll be there”? It’s subtle but important.

Additionally, when you think of your future, do you include him? Is it we or I? You might subconsciously already have your answer right there.

Most of Your Goals and Values Align

If one of you values family and wants a large family while the other values experiences and travel, you may have a problem.

You need to make sure that you align in the important areas of life. Where do you want to live? City? Country? Suburbs? Do you want to own or rent? Do you want to travel, live abroad, or settle down where you grew up?

These things are very important and if discussed too late can really cause problems. Make sure you’re both on the same page in whatever key areas matter to you.

The Bottom Line on How Soon is Too Soon to Propose

I’d like to say trust your gut here, but there’s more to it than that this time. Your gut is a great indicator of whether this guy is a good guy once you’re past the honeymoon phase, but just because he’s a good guy doesn’t mean it’s time to get married.

The signs above should help you decide when it’s the right time for the two of you. I can’t give you some number of months or years, just things to look for in each other and your relationship.

Take your time and build a great relationship together. Know who he is and what he stands for. Be willing to trust him and make sure you’re both excellent communicators.

This will get you off to a great start on your future lives together!

Our Dream Catcher is your personal bucket list journal. Use it to spark ideas, plan your adventures and even record the results. The journal is large enough to provide plenty of space to record photographs and memories of your adventures. You’ll find dozens of prompts to help you come up with ideas for your list as well.

Buy your copy today by clicking one of the buttons below.

BUY NOW US

BUY NOW UK

Long Distance Relationship Activities

Build a Great Relationship

Long distance relationship activities help keep you connected and building intimacy when you can’t be together. At first glance, it might seem as if there aren’t many things you can do to stay close while you’re separated by many miles. Let’s dig in!

Long Distance Relationship Activities for Date Night

I’m a firm believer in date nights. They give you and your partner the opportunity to spend time alone together, whether it’s at home watching a movie or out on the town.

But how can you have a date night if you’re in a long-distance relationship?

Romantic Dinner Date

This isn’t about getting into your sweats after work, doing a zoom call and eating some take out. Instead, you can order one of those meals to go from one of the many places that have popped up online. Get everything heated up and ready to enjoy.

Set the scene with a beautifully set table. Bonus points if you both have the same dinnerware. Light some candles and put on your fanciest attire. This date is about feeling special.

My recommendation for these dates is to have a no technology rule, but clearly that won’t work in this situation, so limit your technology to what’s required to connect – an iPad or your phones.

Then you treat this like any other date. Talk about your week. Make plans for the next time you see one another or reminisce about a recent time when you were together.

Cooking Dinner Date

This one is a little different than the romantic date. This time, you agree on a recipe and gather your ingredients, each in your respective homes. Make sure you’ve set a nice table and that you have everything you need to cook your delicious meal.

Then you cook together. Laugh, share your goofs and spills. Enjoy this time together as if you were cooking side by side.

Once you each have your meal prepared, sit down to enjoy. I wouldn’t force nice clothes on this one unless you give one another time to change so you don’t mess them up while cooking.

If you love to cook together, this is a great way to share some quality time.

Dinner Out

I know, you live in different cities, but unless you’re new to this, I bet you have favorite places in both cities where you like to eat. You each go to a favorite place, making sure you have headphones and your phone so you can disturb other guests as little as possible.

Then sit and enjoy your meals together. Treat it like any other date night. You’re just having a conversation the same as the others in the restaurant, except they can’t hear the other side of it.

Video Game Date Night

If you’re both into video games, why not have a video game date night? There are many games where you can play with or against one another.

Alternatively, you can enjoy some fun competition, which all men enjoy. Compete against him to see who can earn more points or get to a certain level first.

There are tons of ways to make a video game date night work!

Book Club Date Night

Many couples enjoy reading books together. Even if you’re dating someone who lives close by, this can be fun.

Choose a topic you’re both interested in and then discuss. The topic can be anything from something racy and wild to something more educational or creative.

If you share a hobby, you might read up on that hobby. If you enjoy mysteries, see who can guess who-dun-it first.

Board Game Date Night

If video games aren’t your thing, why not try a board game night. Make sure you both have the same game and then set it to move one another’s pieces on your board as you play.

Each time you choose this type of date night, you switch who gets to choose the game.

These types of dates are great for building intimacy as there’s a great chance to laugh and poke at one another playfully.

Movie Night Date

Pop some popcorn and get some candy and soda ready for a movie night! Find the same movie online and watch. Sure, you aren’t snuggled up together under the blanket, but you can still enjoy the time together.

Wine Tasting Date Night

If you both enjoy wine, find a company that will send samplers to your door. This way, you can both sample the same wines and share your opinions of them.

It might help to prepare yourselves some appetizers or a charcuterie tray to dull the effects of the wine.

Other Long Distance Relationship Activities

Maybe you don’t want to do a date night. Perhaps you’d rather do something together during the day. Sounds good to me! Let’s find some ideas!

Visit a Local Museum

If you live in a small town, you might have to travel a little bit to find a museum, but if you’re both into art, it’s a great way to spend time together.

On one occasion, you visit a museum near you and the next time you want to do a museum date, visit one nearer to him.

Work on a Hobby

As you may know, I’m a huge proponent of hobbies, and an even bigger fan of having a shared hobby as a couple.

Why not spend some time together on a shared hobby? Let’s imagine he’s into vintage cars and you are a blogger. You can combine your hobbies to create a vintage car blog.

You can even visit vintage car shows, either virtually or physically enjoying them together. This is a great way to share something you both love, and it builds intimacy.

There are many other ways to either share the same hobby or combine two hobbies to make one you enjoy together.

Take a Walk Together

Why not get a little exercise while you spend time together? Go on a walk in your respective cities. Choose a local park or if you have a vibrant downtown, walk there. You can choose an early morning walk during which you can enjoy the sunrise or wait until evening and watch the sunset.

You can even combine this with an activity like a flea market or an antique show, car show, or other event you both enjoy.

Indoor Camping Trip

I don’t think I could send a woman out alone to camp, but I have no problem suggesting that you do an indoor camping trip! If you don’t have a wood fireplace, get one of those little burners you use to keep food hot and toast marshmallows there.

Of course, you can also use your stovetop, but that feels like cheating. Get your sleeping bag, some blankets to make a tent, and even a flashlight and settle in for an evening of camping together.

Play Twenty Questions

If your relationship is new, ask one another questions that will help you get to know one another better.

The depth of these questions will depend on how new your relationship is, of course. The longer you’ve known one another, the more personal your questions can be.

This is a great way to learn more about one another as your relationship grows.

Bake Together

Baking is one of those activities that works, even if you don’t consider yourself to be a great baker. In fact, the goofs will be as much fun as the successful results.

Lucky for you, you’ll only have to clean up your own flour mess!

Plan a Virtual Trip Together

Since most of your travel expenses are saved for visiting one another, why not take a virtual trip? Decide on a destination and then assemble what you need to feel like you’re actually there. What clothing would you wear? What food would you eat? How is the scenery there different from where you are? What music would you hear? What landmarks would you visit? Learn what you can about the places you might go.

Once you’ve both gathered your supplies, it’s time for your trip. Dress in the clothing you would wear and put on the appropriate music. Then, talk about the places you want to visit. Check out photos online and enjoy the local scenery.

This type of date will be as successful as the amount of time you’re willing to put into it. You can extend this activity out over a few phone calls, visiting a different landmark each time.

Are you Counting the Days until you see your guy again? Do you wish for a long distance relationship that felt as if it could go that distance? This book helps you learn ways in which you can make the most of your time apart. You’ll learn new ways to communicate and share time together, even when you’re apart. It’s a great book for helping you find the answers to the probing questions people seem to have no problem asking.

You can learn more about the book here or you can buy it now by clicking one of the buttons below.

BUY NOW US

BUY NOW UK

BUY NOW AUDIBLE

Unbox Care Packages

Send one another care packages to arrive at about the same time. The challenge will be waiting until you’re talking together to unbox them!

One by one, reveal what’s inside your boxes. You can set a theme, like baking or