How to Know If A Guy Is Playing You

How to Know If A Guy Is Playing You

Understand Men

You’re ready to go out and meet a great guy, but you’ve been burned before, so now you want to discover how to know if a guy is playing you before you become emotionally invested.

What should you look for? What are the signs that the guys you meet are either good guys or creeps?

What You’ll Find Here

He’s Full of Compliments
Your Dates are Booty Calls
You Know Nothing About Him
Your Relationship Doesn’t Progress
You Feel Like You’re Walking on Eggshells
You Feel Like You Initiate Everything
He Rarely Follows Through on Promises
He’s Too Good to be True
He Keeps You From His Friends & Family
He’s Not Looking for Anything Serious
His Friends are Players
He Texts but Doesn’t Make Plans with You
Your Dates are Uninspired
You Spend Too Much Time in Your Head
He Isn’t Interested in the Real You
Sex Happened Very Quickly
He’s Past 18 Years Old and Claims He’s Never Been in Love
He Acts like a Player
You Sense a Disturbance
What to Do if You’ve Snagged a Player
Wrap Up

How to Know if a Guy is Playing You | He’s Full of Compliments

This can go one of two ways.

Either he’s always complimenting you, like always, or he’s always complimenting himself. While compliments are nice, they can be overdone.

It’s great for a guy to tell you how nice you look for your date, but ten more compliments in the next hour is going a bit overboard.

This is a tactic players use to distract you and make you feel good about yourself. If you’re feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, you’re less likely to notice his slimeball ways.

On the other hand, he might spend all his time complimenting himself. He puts all his effort into convincing you of what a great guy he is. This isn’t something he needs to tell you; his actions speak louder than his words.

Your Dates are Booty Calls

He texts you late at night and wants to come over, but all he’s looking for is sex.

Players want something from you. Usually, it’s money, sex, or status. Many times, it’s sex, but not always.

One way to tell what his true intentions are is to take note of when he contacts you. If he’s into you, he won’t wait until late at night. He would reach out during the day to check-in.

If it’s money, that will become obvious soon enough. He’ll forget his wallet or be a little strapped this week. That’s bull. Money is important to good men because they want to provide for their loved ones. Good guys don’t spend all their time borrowing from you.

If it’s status, he’ll show you off to his friends, all while making sure they know what it is you offer, “This is Stephanie. She’s a doctor at..” Or he’ll want to show off your car, your home, or whatever it is that you have that he wants.

how to know if a guy is playing you

You Know Nothing About Him

The opposite of him blowing himself up to you by way of overdone compliments is that he shares nothing about himself. He doesn’t want to get attached to you, so he doesn’t share things with you.

Oh, you might learn his favorite color or his favorite restaurant, but nothing deeper. He probably plans to end things with you sooner than later.

And, by the way, what he tells you is probably false. That’s his favorite restaurant to take you to because none of the other women he’s seen or already dismissed are there. Soon enough, he’ll need to find a new restaurant in a new town.

How to Know if a Guy is Playing You | Your Relationship Doesn’t Progress

At first, it’s fine to date other people. You have no commitment to this guy and it’s a great way to know for sure who you want to make that commitment with.

But, as time progresses, you’ll both naturally start weeding people out and getting closer to one another.

A player won’t allow a relationship to progress. It’ll stay in that initial dating other people stage of the relationship. He’s not interested in advancing any relationship. He’s very active on dating sites and in the local bars and hangouts.

Do You Get the Feeling You're Being Used?

Do you feel like the man in your life is using you or is up to something he shouldn't be? This is a great article to help you figure it out, but there are others. Click the link below to read those.

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You Feel Like You’re Walking on Eggshells

A relationship with a player can feel tenuous. You may feel like you’re walking on eggshells, and you can’t quite figure out why.

It’s your natural gut instinct that the relationship isn’t a secure one, and your gut is probably right.

You feel like you must watch what you say, and you feel like he’s controlling the relationship. A feeling of unease settles over the relationship, and you aren’t yourself.

This feeling comes from how he’s reacted to things in the past. Maybe you said something you thought was funny, but he looked at you blankly.

This isn’t your imagination. He’ll make you work hard to regain his attention and whatever snips of attention he feels like throwing your way.

This isn’t how relationships work. You should be able to say what you think, and the balance of power should be relatively equal.

It Feels Like You Initiate Everything

He’s giving you scant little time for dates and time together. This is because he’s dating other women and he doesn’t have much time to give any one of you.

You find yourself asking, “When will I see you again?” because the time between dates feels too long.

You get time with him when he grants it, no more and no less. He’s in complete control of the dating schedule. This might force you to do things to get his attention but save your energy for a guy who’s worthy of you.

how to know if a guy is playing you

How to Know if a Guy is Playing You | He Rarely Follows Through on Promises

He said he’d call after he got home from a late night at work, but the call never comes. You passed on a girls’ night with your friends to wait for his call and you got nothing.

He says he’ll pick you up at seven, but seven comes and goes with no phone call, no text, and no date.

Stop waiting for this guy. If your friends want to go out, tell him you’ll have to reschedule. Let him be the one who gets set aside. Unfortunately, this won’t land with the loud thump you hope for. It’ll likely mean nothing to him since he didn’t plan to come anyway.

He’ll have excuses for his absence:

  • My best friend called and needed me to help him – it was an emergency
  • I got called back into work to help with something big
  • I’m so sorry, Babe, I completely forgot
  • My sister is in town, and I had to do dinner with the fam

The problem with all these excuses is that it takes about ten seconds to tap out a text and bow out. He isn’t telling you because he doesn’t value you enough to bother.

He’s Too Good to be True

What guy listens? I mean really. Show me one, and not your gay best friend. He doesn’t count. Show me a guy who will sit and listen to you cry about your last boyfriend and I’ll show you a player.

If that doesn’t do it, he has all the right lines. He’s smooth and delivers these lines with a finesse that takes your breath away.

This is because he’s practiced those lines so many times that he knows them by heart. He knows which lines work and he’s gotten rid of those that don’t.

He shows up as this charming, handsome, smooth talker who sweeps you off your feet. Your girlfriends are initially starstruck and wish he had approached them. They’ll see him for who he is before you do.

At first, he’ll treat you like a queen. He wants you to feel secure in his affection for you, but it’s all fake. It’s just part of his game.

How to Know if a Guy is Playing You | He Keeps You from His Friends & Family

He talks about his friends and family all the time. Whether he’s telling you the truth is immaterial because you’ll never meet them. In fact, he might say his mother passed away when she’s fine and living thirty miles down the road.

You won’t meet his friends either because they know who he is. Chances are they’re players too.

As for his family, he doesn’t want to hear, “She’s such a sweet girl; why can’t you settle down with someone like her?” That doesn’t fit his agenda.

He’s Not Looking for Anything Serious

This is the theme song for players. He’ll woo you and suck you in, then tell you he isn’t into serious relationships.

He’s not lying, for once. He isn’t into serious relationships because he’s incapable of that much affection unless it’s directed at himself.

Other guys will say they don’t like to place labels on relationships. This is the same thing said differently.

how to know if a guy is playing you

His Friends are Players

You might not see it in him, but it’s clear that his friends are players. Of course, this is assuming you do get to meet them. He might talk about their behavior, then you’ll see some of these red flags.

He doesn’t expect you to pick up on them, so he’s not worried about sharing those details with you.

He Texts but Doesn’t Make Plans with You

He might text or even call, and it’s all sweet and romantic, but he never plans a date with you. It’s all just words.

He’s getting an ego boost from the attention he’s getting from you when you talk, but he’s not interested in anything more.

The other possibility is that he’s stringing you along to see what happens in his other relationships. You’re a Plan B, C, or D.

A guy who’s into you wants to see you and spend time with you. He enjoys getting to know you and uncovering the mystery.

Your Dates are Uninspired

He’s not going to invest anything more into your relationship than he must, so your dates are more likely to be booty calls or binge-watching something at your place or his.

Of course, if you’re buying, he’s in, but if you expect him to spring for a romantic date, you’ll be waiting a long time.

He’s not into the romance stuff. For as good of a smooth talker as he is, he’s not very romantic. No more than he needs to be to get you hooked on him anyway.

How to Know if a Guy is Playing You | You Spend Too Much Time in Your Head

In the beginning, he’s all charm and attention. He texts all the time and seems like he’s falling as hard for you as you are for him.

Then things slow to a trickle and you end up wondering what you did wrong. What have you done to lose his attention? Why is he so distant?

You’ve done nothing, but he likes that you’re second-guessing yourself because you’ll dote on him more, thus boosting his ego. Of course, your efforts will be for nothing because he’s just in it for the ego boost and the sex.

When a guy is into you, he doesn’t leave you guessing, and he would never purposefully make you feel bad about yourself. You’ll feel good about your relationship and yourself because he works hard to help you feel secure in his affection for you.

He Isn’t Interested in the Real You

He’s asked all the right questions to learn about you superficially, but he’ll never ask real questions about you. He doesn’t want to become attached to you, or more likely, he’s afraid he’ll get attached to you and you’ll leave. His insecurities are always in play.

Guys who are into you want to know all about you. They love the quest of discovering who you are, which is why I always encourage women not to share too much at once. He doesn’t really want you to, regardless of how many questions he asks.

How to Know if a Guy is Playing You | Sex Happened Very Quickly

His big push is for sex. Even if he has other goals from his relationship with you, like status or money, sex is up there.

In fact, he might push for sex on the first date. You have every right, and you should say no. No guy is worthy of sex on a first date and a quality man won’t ask.

YOU are always in control of when sex happens and if you aren’t, this isn’t the guy for you. Don’t allow him to guilt you into it.

If he has any respect for you, no is no, and he’ll wait until you’re ready. If he has no respect for you, there is never a time when he’ll accept no. He’ll likely just move on, leaving you to believe you should have had sex with him.

No. You did the right thing!

He’s Past 18 Years Old and Claims He’s Never Been in Love

Everyone experiences their first love, usually in high school. Of course, later, many of us come to realize that wasn’t love, but it felt like it.

A guy who claims he’s never been in love, or in a long-term relationship probably isn’t lying but probably is a player. What he’s telling you is that he’s incapable of deep emotion and he bed-hops.

You deserve a man who is capable of love and nothing less.

how to know if a guy is playing you

How to Know if a Guy is Playing You | He Acts Like a Player

Players live a different lifestyle. They party a lot so they can meet a lot of women. They hang out with their friends at different clubs every night. Your one night a week that he grants you is probably a weeknight, and he may or may not show up, as you’ve already read.

He dresses to impress in whatever he thinks will win over the women where he’s headed. If that’s a suit and tie, that’s what he’s wearing. If it’s tight jeans and a Henley that shows off his buff body, that’s what he’ll go for.

You Sense a Disturbance

You feel like you’re being played, but you just can’t believe this guy would do that to you. He’s so sweet and kind. Why would a guy who’s that nice be a player?

That’s the whole point. He’s nice so you don’t suspect him, but it’s all a cover. He knows what to say and do to keep you interested.

If you ask him about it, he’ll deny all charges, but you still know something is wrong.

Trust your intuition.

How to Know if a Guy is Playing You | What to do if You’ve Snagged a Player

At first, it’s tricky because players are great at looking like the confident man you deserve, but soon enough, their true colors shine through. Perhaps on that first encounter if he asks for sex.

Dump Him

The first thing to do is dump him. Don’t worry, he won’t be surprised or hurt. He expects this as a natural progression of his relationships.

You deserve a man who is confident and will genuinely love you and treat you like his queen. That type of man will plan romantic dates with you and savor every new tidbit of information he learns about you.

Go for that guy!

Take a Dating Breather

You snagged a player because he sensed a lack of dating confidence in you. Players lack confidence, so that’s who they go for. Likes attract likes. This is also why you’ve struggled to find a great, confident man. He sees your lack of confidence too and he’s avoiding you like the plague.

Instead, take a breather from dating and work on your confidence. I know it might not be what you want to hear, but that’s your key to finding great men.

Confident men are drawn to confident women, although they aren’t always aware of that particular draw. They just sense something about you that draws them to you.

Don’t Shoulder the Blame

This isn’t your fault. He is a predator who preys on women he thinks he can win over with his BS. Learn from this experience and take that dating breather to rebuild your confidence.

Being single isn’t a disease, it’s just a relationship status. There is nothing to be ashamed of if you’re single.

How to Know if a Guy is Playing You

You’re armed now and ready to push away any players who come your way. Of course, if you take my advice and rebuild your confidence, you won’t need to.

They won’t approach because they know they don’t stand a chance. There are enough low-confidence women around that they’ll find one easily enough.

Now that you’ve read these signs, you’ll see players everywhere. Guys you didn’t suspect before now stand out to you.

That’s good! Now go build your confidence so you can find a guy who deserves you!

A Girl Walks into a Bar…How to Navigate the Bar Scene

A Girl Walks into a Bar…How to Navigate the Bar Scene

Understand Men

Let’s talk about navigating the bar scene. I was never a big fan of the bar scene. There were always too many people crammed into a small, smoky space and the noise made it impossible to have a decent conversation.

Any time a guy would approach me, he would be shouting cheesy pick up lines and I would inevitably get squished and bumped as I struggled to keep my drink from spilling.

Then, when I’d hit the dance floor, it always ended with me sandwiched between two creeps as I struggled to break free from my “Nightmare” at the Roxbury. I’m probably dating myself here by referencing a silly movie from the 90s, but back then, that was pretty much how it was.

If you wanted to meet men, you suffered through the sandwich dancing, the crowds, the noise and the spilled drinks. If you were smart, you kept a fake wedding ring in your pocket for emergencies — sorry, married.

Today’s Bar Scene

Fast forward almost 20 years and boy have times changed! Sure, you’ll find the occasional rowdy dive, but for the most part, bars have grown up.

They are stylish and hip with room to breathe, designed with talking and mingling in mind. But, while the atmosphere has changed for the better, guys sadly remain the same. It’s finally time to face the facts ladies.

Most guys who frequent bars want one thing, and you know what it is! The worst thing of all is they know how to get it. It’s scary, really — like being in a shark tank where he’s the predator and you’re the prey. You’ve been warned.

Plenty of (Good) Fish

What’s a single girl to do? Well, there are plenty of good fish in the sea – swimming around with those sharks. Bars are a great place to meet new people, but how do you avoid the sharks and find that good guy that’s worth dating?

If you’ve read any of Gregg Michaelsen’s best dating books, you have learned how to be in charge. You are a confident, quality woman who can have her pick of men so choose wisely.

Learn to identify the real men from the predators and just keep swimming! Sharks are masters of conversation. They are confident. They come right up to you and ask you a lot of questions to make you believe they are interested in you as a person.

They are charming and exciting and turn your brain to mush. They do everything right — but they are not authentic. They are pros.

Navigate the Bar Scene Wisely

Think about it. A guy who is that impressive — who knows how to look and act just right — has probably had a lot of practice. On the other hand, the guy who is nervous and stumbles over his words fails to impress because he does not do this often. He’s authentic. Same thing applies to the guy who ignores you. He probably wants to come over but is too afraid.

Ditch the shark, and give this guy a chance! Talk to him for a while and see what happens. He might be perfect for you once he’s comfortable and you get to know him better.

Catching Mr. Right

Now that you know how to weed out the sharks, how do you find those good guys that are worth dating? They are out there, but they may not approach you, and they may not be immediately obvious either.

Maybe they are playing pool, or sitting at the bar with their buddies, but they notice you. They are just too nervous to approach you.

If you notice a guy who catches your attention and seems authentic watching you from across the room, don’t be afraid to make contact. It could be as simple as getting up and walking past his table, or following him up to the bar.

As you pass, throw in a glance and a smile. Make eye contact. Make it easy for him to approach you without fear of being humiliated. Keep this in mind – men don’t always pick up on non-verbal cues so if he’s still not catching on, don’t give up.

He is interested, but he may need an extra dose of confidence. Make it easy and make the first move. Approach him and strike up a conversation. If you’re not comfortable with that, just wave him over! Chances are, with encouragement from you, he will come.

Now that you know how to tell the good guys from the bad, you should be able to navigate the bar scene. Beat it sharks — it’s only smooth sailing from here in the dating pool!

The Difference Between Sex and Intimacy

The Difference Between Sex and Intimacy

Understand Men

I was driving the other day, thinking about nothing in particular and somehow, this question came up. Why do people confuse sex and intimacy?

I’m guessing something someone said on the radio prompted this thought, but I got so lost in it, I couldn’t tell you who or in what context. It’s Kirbie today with the difference between sex and intimacy.

The Difference Between Sex and Intimacy

“We were intimate.” This phrase bugs me. You were not intimate, you had sex. Intimacy is built without sex. Many couples who choose not to have sex before marriage have built a tremendous amount of intimacy. By the same token, many couples who have a lot of sex together have no intimacy.

Intimacy is the emotional connection between you – the energy and passion. If you come home at the end of a really bad day, someone with whom you share intimacy will be right there to provide you the emotional support you need. He will pull you close, put his arms around you and make you feel suddenly protected from all of the evil which lurks outside.

How do You Build Intimacy if Not in the Bedroom?

Building intimacy happens in those little moments which almost go unnoticed. The late-night stroll in the park, hand in hand, where maybe you hardly say anything to one another. The support you provided to him when his childhood dog died – you were there, with a hug, to hold him as he grieved the loss.

Gregg calls this ‘pennies in the jar’ in some of his books. He talks about collecting great moments together to build up a defense against a break-up. Sitting up all night talking after an old boyfriend announces his engagement, or going out to choose a new puppy from the animal shelter are things which build intimacy.

I remember when my ex-husband and I were in high school – we were both 16. His sister had cystic fibrosis, and at 19, she was a case study doctors wrote about. In 1979, people with CF didn’t live as long as she had. After a final battle with her lungs, she asked to go home – she asked to die.

He came to my house that evening, in obvious and deep pain. Even though we were only 16, this was a very intimate experience for us. I held him in my arms while he cried and cried over his loss. I’ll never forget it. I think of him to this day.

Intimacy also happens in those moments where you know your partner so well, it scares you – and vice versa. He brings you your favorite latte on a Saturday morning, along with your favorite cinnamon raisin bagel, toasted just how you like it.

You recognize at lunchtime he’s having a really bad day, so you plan to take him out to dinner at his favorite place, or cook his favorite dinner at home. You go out of your way to play a fun evening for him and his friends when his team makes the playoffs – you get their favorite beer, order up some pizzas and head off with your girlfriends while they watch the game.

Another way in which you can build intimacy is to express your love in front of others. If this makes him uncomfortable, this might not be a good idea, but if he’s into public displays of affection, this goes a long way.

How to Kill Intimacy

I’ve also been in relationships where I’ve watched intimacy dwindle away. One sure-fire way to begin killing intimacy is to stop spending time together. If you live together, this could mean sleeping in separate bedrooms – or sleeping at the same time. While having sex won’t necessarily build intimacy, avoiding sex with each other is a sure-fire way to kill it.

Becoming a workaholic is another great way to kill intimacy. If all of your energy suddenly goes into your work, you will be too exhausted to devote any time or energy to your partner. You won’t be thinking about stopping on the way home to buy his favorite cut of steak or grabbing the Sunday Times because you know he likes to do the crossword.

Allow your confidence to take a nose dive, or watch his confidence tank. This is another intimacy-killer. If your confidence starts to dwindle, maybe because of a setback at work or some other event in your life, it can begin to put a wall between you – especially if you are one who doesn’t share those things well – someone who internalizes everything.

Building a Lasting Relationship

Whether you’re married or dating, you should always be building those intimate moments. It’s not all on you to do it, but it’s something to always keep in mind. When you see your partner start slipping in some of these activities, it’s a signal to you. If he starts sleeping at different times or working a lot, something needs to be addressed.

These ‘pennies in the jar’ keep your relationship solid. You can even think of them as one way to avoid the dreaded affair. Never stop accumulating them! You’ll be ‘rich’ beyond your wildest dreams – at least in terms of your relationship.

Finding Real Love: Hint – It’s not in a Fairy Tale or Romance Novel

Finding Real Love: Hint – It’s not in a Fairy Tale or Romance Novel

Understand Men

If you’re like some women, when you were a little girl, you loved fairy tales like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. You dreamed of finding real love – you dreamed of the day your prince would sweep you off your feet. You believed you would live happily ever after (preferably in a castle with a closet full of beautiful ball gowns). As you got older, romance novels replaced picture books, and you held on to the fantasy of a handsome man swooping in to make all your dreams come true.

The true story is real life is not like a fairy tale or romance novel, and these fantasies do not provide sound relationship advice for women. Finding real love does not magically happen. Successful relationships take work. The perfect Prince Charming does not exist. Nobody is perfect, not even you, and you should never rely on a man to make you happy, although “happily ever after” can happen. You just need to be realistic and adjust your outlook.

Have you found yourself turning down dates because you are waiting for your prince? You never gave that nice “normal” guy a chance because he did not fit this ideal you have in your head of the perfect man — tall, dark, handsome and rich (with a full head of flowing “Fabio” hair) for example? If so, you may be missing out on a great relationship with someone wonderful. You are closing yourself off to love and possibilities. You’re acting like your very own wicked stepmother! So how do you get past this fantasy existence and start living and experiencing love for real?

I have a friend (let’s call her Liz) who was OBSESSED with all things regency. Mr. Darcy, the hero of Jane Austen’s uber-popular classic, Pride and Prejudice, was her perfect man. More specifically, the image of Colin Firth emerging from a lake in a soaking wet shirt in the BBC movie was her perfect man. She fancied herself a modern day Elizabeth Bennet — and she’s not the only one!

Do a search online for the dashing hero and you’ll find a bunch of articles on “How To Find a Modern Day Mr. Darcy” (complete with step by step instructions), Marrying Mr. Darcy board games, “I Love Mr. Darcy” T-shirts, and books and blockbuster films with contemporary Mr. Darcys as the male lead (Bridget Jones’s Diary and Austenland) to name a few. And yes, my friend is still single. How will she ever be happy when no real man can compare to this fictional character burned in her brain.

Romantic novels are fun, but the fantasy men in books can’t exist in the real world. We need real men, flesh and blood, and heart and soul. Not words on a page which another woman dreamed up for us. Real men are kind. They are reliable. They are trustworthy, thoughtful, generous, affectionate, strong…. They’re not always the most handsome men in the room. They may not have an impressive job title or the most money. They may not wear the sharpest clothes, or be up to date on what’s trendy. They may not emerge from a lake shirtless in all their masculine glory. But they WILL treat us like princesses and love us for who WE are, warts and all.

Real life is not a fairy tale or a romance novel. If you stop looking for that elusive fantasy man, you may just find a real man standing right before your eyes, waiting to sweep you off your feet. That’s right, regular guys CAN do that, not just princes. If you keep your heart, your eyes and your mind open, and believe in TRUE LOVE, he will come…. Someday.

Are You Setting a Good Example for Your Teens?

Are You Setting a Good Example for Your Teens?

Understand Men

As a divorced mom of four, now adult, children, I look back on my life and wonder if I was the best example for them when they were growing up. It’s Kirbie today to help you not have the same worries I do – I’m here to help you set a good example for your teens.

Teenagers are a quirky bunch. They have more coming at them than I did when I was a kid, when the biggest technological advances were cable TV and no party lines on the phone. Today, kids have life coming at them from all angles – social media, smart phones, peers and school. While all I had to worry about in middle school was appearance and friendships, kids today have the added worries of a shooter showing up at their school, being bullied and fitting into a high technology world not all parents can afford. There are a few things you can do to be that good example.

Get Your Own Confidence in Check

Most people know whether or not they feel confident, especially by adulthood. If you feel you are lacking confidence, buy Comfortable in Your Own Shoes and/or To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself. Either of these books will set you on the pathway to confidence. Together, they are like a confidence one-two punch.

Kids get their cues from their parents. If you are not confident, you are not displaying the behaviors your children need to see – you are not modeling confidence. If you won’t do this for yourself, at least do it for your kids.

Give Praise, not Criticism

The next time you hear yourself talking to your child, or when your child is close enough to hear you, listen to what you are saying. If you are talking to your child, this is even more important. Do you say things like “How did you do so poorly on this test? I told you to study more. You never listen to me.” or do you hear yourself saying, “I know this test was a challenge for you. Maybe this weekend, we can look at it together so you can get the hang of it.”

In one instance, you are merely berating the child for poor performance. Your child could have studied so hard for that test, but just not have had an understanding of the material. By berating them, you are only confirming what they think – “I’m not good at this” or “I’m not good enough for my parents.” What you want your child to think is “My parents support me.”

Positive vs. Negative Speak

Another way in which your behavior can negatively impact your child is by speaking negatively to yourself (out loud) or showing behaviors which show your lack of confidence. Listen to your own self-talk. Life has beaten you up, and we are all guilty of negative self-talk. When you read Comfortable in Your Own Shoes, you will learn more about affirmations, but I can sum it up for you now.

It’s common to say things to yourself like ‘I’m not good enough [to get that job] [to get a great guy] [to get a college education] [you fill in the blank].” This sets you up for failure, and if you’re saying it out loud, it teaches your children the same skill.

Set the Rules – and the Consequences

I hear this one all too often – single parents don’t feel as if it is somehow fair to impose rules and consequences on their kids – they feel guilty for any marital break and think their child’s life is difficult enough without having too many rules to follow.

Drop the guilt and step up. Your kids want rules. They are looking to you to help them avoid negative situations. Where there is a void, something else will fill in. Where there is an absence of rules and consequences, negative influences of peers will fill in.

If your child knows that skipping class will result in being grounded from his technology for two weeks, he’ll be a heck of a lot less tempted to give it a whirl. If there are no rules, no consequences, he thinks you don’t care, and won’t care if he skips. This self-monitoring builds self-esteem.

Chores, Expectations and More Consequences

Give your child chores and set expectations. It’s important for kids to learn to succeed, and there is no better way to try something than to try it at home, in a safe environment away from peers. As kids get older, their chores become more complex and their confidence grows.

When you set expectations, you are giving them boundaries. For example, if you work late on Tuesdays, you may ask your teenager to get dinner started for you. Don’t just issue an order, explain why you have set this expectation and what the consequence is for not meeting it. Kids will be much more willing to comply if they understand your reasoning. If they just feel taken advantage of, forget it.

Communicate

I read a great tip when I was researching this article – I wish I had done this with my kids – my oldest in particular. This mom created a “Mom Journal”, which was a journal she and each of her kids (individually) shared. The child was able to write anything in the journal, which the mom would read from time to time, providing helpful comments where needed. It is considered a safe zone of sorts. The child can write about anything without consequence and the mom’s only job is to WRITE a response.

I love the idea of having this additional method of communicating with your kids. Difficult topics which they may be hesitant to speak about openly can be addressed in the journal. This wouldn’t absolve you of openly communicating in other ways, but it certainly would provide an outlet for more challenging conversations.

Let your child know you are willing to listen. They don’t always want you to provide a solution – in fact, you shouldn’t always provide a solution. You should help them find their way to a solution. Your job is merely to listen and be supportive.

Your child is looking to you as an example, but it can be difficult to remember how your actions impact others if you are in a highly emotional state or lacking your own confidence. It’s easy to forget how our actions impact others. You have a chance to make a positive impact on your kids, and it’s never too late to start!

How Will I Know if He Really Loves Me?

How Will I Know if He Really Loves Me?

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

“How will I know if he really loves me…?” Tiffany here. Sorry if you now have that classic 1980’s Whitney Houston song stuck in your head. But really, is there any way to know for sure? It’s not like guys profess their love from the rooftops and gush all over when they see us. They’re not wired that way. And if by chance he does say those three magic words — I love you — well, what then? Words are just words. Does he mean them or is he just trying to appease you, or worse, is he just trying to get in your pants? Some guys are devious that way, and some women fall for it because they are blinded by their own feelings (feelings we proudly show every chance we get, because, face it, we ARE wired that way).

Let’s go back to that song that’s stuck in your head.

How will I know (Don’t trust your feelings)
How will I know
How will I know (Love can be deceiving)
How will I know
How will I know if he really loves me
I say a prayer with every heart beat
I fall in love whenever we meet
I’m asking you what you know about these things

When it comes to relationship advice for women, Gregg Michaelsen knows about these things! This Boston dating coach will be the first to tell you men love DIFFERENTLY than women. It’s pretty much the whole premise of To Date A Man, You Must Understand A Man, one of his best-selling dating advice books. According to Gregg, women ooze love unconditionally, but men don’t love like that.  They don’t generally spill their emotions, constantly confirming their love for us. But that doesn’t mean they don’t love us back. Even if it’s hard for them to TELL us how they feel, they SHOW us, in their own way, through their ACTIONS. We just need to know what to look for!

Solving Your Problems

Does he give you a massage when your back aches? Did he put air in your tires and check your oil before your trip to visit your parents? Does he mow the lawn when the grass gets too high? Did he bring you your favorite pumpkin spice cappuccino because he knew you had a big deadline at work last week?

When guys do these “manly” things for us, they are showing us they care. Now that we know this to be true, we can use it to our advantage. Compliment him on how nice the lawn looks, and show appreciation when he makes sure you are safe. Do this, and he will be showing his love every chance he can!

Protecting You

Does he open the door for you? Does he give you his coat when you’re chilly? Does he walk you to your car and make sure you get home safely? Does he defend you at all costs? Chivalry is not dead! In fact, it’s a powerful way men show their true feelings. He’s not just being a gentleman, ladies. He cares about you! Don’t let his effort go unnoticed.

Socially Announcing You

If he loves you, he will want to introduce you to the important people in his life. He will want you to meet his friends, and he will want you to meet his family. He will share his hobbies with you and invite you to join in. He will update his relationship status on Facebook and post photos of you on his profile page. He will be proud to show you off, and he will be excited about including you in his life.

Sex

Not to go into too many graphic details, but is he a taker or a giver? If he wants to please you just as much as he wants to be pleased, he cares. Simple as that.

Showing his love can rarely be faked. You just need to pay attention to the clues. Actions speak louder than words. So be confident in his feelings for you, even if he doesn’t say those three words right away, or as often as you’d like. You will know.

How to Deal with a Moody Boyfriend

How to Deal with a Moody Boyfriend

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

How to Deal with a Moody Boyfriend

Women often get a bad rap for being moody, but the truth is, guys can be moody too! We ALL have our moments, but what happens when you have a moody boyfriend? You love him, but are his bad moods bringing you down?

Are his bad moods causing you to lose confidence in yourself? Amber is our guest blogger today with some tips on how to deal with a moody boyfriend.

How to Deal with a Moody Boyfriend When He Pleads The Fifth

If your boyfriend seems distant and quiet, he may be struggling to tell you what’s on his mind. Maybe he thinks you’ll judge him or be critical of him, which could be adding to his stress.

Got a moody boyfriend?

If you’ve read To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man, you know men and women are drastically different in the way they communicate and love.

Women wear our hearts on our sleeves and shout our feelings from the rooftops. Men…. not so much. Make sure he knows you are there for him and willing to listen when he’s ready.

Don’t pressure him — just be there, and be kind. Chances are, he will feel better once he lets it all out, and realizes he has someone in his corner.

It’s Not You, It’s Him

Remind yourself this too shall pass. Moods change like the weather, so if his crankiness is too much to take at the moment, don’t feel like you need to carry the weight of it yourself.

Learn How to Get Out of a Relationship Rut – Click HERE

Go out with your girlfriends, hit the gym, or grab a book and head to the coffee shop – whatever you need to do to decompress. A little space will do wonders for you, and it will give him some time to work through what is bothering him. Just remember – whatever he’s dealing with is not your fault.

Hot and Cold

He loves me. Now he loves me not. He loves me. It’s hard to tell when your guys is always either hot or cold. One minute he’s all into you, pouring on the affection, and the next minute he’s too preoccupied with his own issues to even notice you’re around. What gives?

Think of it this way. You know how guys think about sex 95% of the time? Well, the other 5% they have to obsess about something else. So if it’s not you, what is it? His job? Maybe his friends? His team losing the Super Bowl?

Whatever is weighing heavy on his mind, chances are he will be preoccupied. Men have a one-track-mind by design, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

How to deal with a Moody Husband: Bring On the Fun

Time alone can be helpful, but time together can also turn his frown upside down. Go ahead and distract him with something fun! Hit the bowling alley or arcade, watch funny YouTube videos or a laugh out loud comedy and cuddle on the coach.

You could also spend the day at an amusement park riding the roller-coasters, go for a bike ride together, whip up your favorite meal, put on your favorite song and dance in the kitchen, or just have a good-old make out session. Whatever floats your boats and gets his mind off his troubles!

Know When to Hold ‘em and When to Fold ‘em

We all get moody now and then. If your guy is having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad month, try to be understanding. As long as he is kind and does not take it out on you (abuse of ANY kind is NEVER okay!), give him love, support, and some space to sort out his feelings.

On the other hand, if his moods are getting in the way of your happiness, it may be time to decide whether or not he is right for you. Remember Gregg Michaelsen’s dating advice for women —YOU are the chooser, and can have your pick of guys. Donald Downers need not apply.

How to deal with a moody boyfriend or husband is common issue. Use these tips above and watch his mood swing back to being happy again! And if he continues being moody after taking these steps? Then dump his ass and get a dog instead!

Let’s Talk about Sex in a Relationship

Let’s Talk about Sex in a Relationship

Understand Men

I get a lot of emails from my readers about sex. I answer them all individually but I leave the sex tips to the plethora of books and articles out there. I try to stay above the fray, if you will.

Sex in a relationship is huge! Even if you are just hooking up – sex is huge. These things are hard to ignore, and let’s not forget, sex is extremely enjoyable second to – wait for it – nothing! Ok, food, money and good health is up there too but sex is pretty friggin’ awesome when it’s done right (and safely.)

I always say men fail in the bedroom and I try to help my readers understand the need to teach their guy how to please them, but I rarely point out how women fall short with men! Oral sex is not just oral sex. Intercourse is not just intercourse!

In my stupid, horny years I slept with a lot of women (yeah I know) and to this day I remember a few, not because they were beautiful, but because I remember how spectacular they were in the sack. I mean, one woman made my eyeballs spin around the in back of my brain – spectacular!

We can’t ignore the fact that sex is a very important component in all relationships. If you want to keep your guy, you need to feed him filet mignon in the bedroom instead of hamburger helper! Should a relationship be based on sex? Of course not, although many relationships do survive longer than they should because of great sex.

If you are going be a complete Jedi woman, as I teach in all my books, you need to be a master Jedi in the bedroom. This will complete your game, increase enjoyment for both of you 10 fold and keep your guy from ever straying. Can you imagine how many times the two of you are going to hop in the sack, do it in an elevator or join the mile high club if the sex is spectacular? Great sex should also keep a man off the porn sites, unless it includes you. 

Women’s Top Questions For Men Answered!

Women’s Top Questions For Men Answered!

Understand Men

Good morning ladies, it’s Kirbie today, and I just finished reading all of the fantastic comments from Gregg’s post, 8 Questions All Men Would Like Women to Answer, and I think we have a few questions of our own, so I speak for us all when I ask these – but please feel free to ask questions only guys can answer in the comments and we will let Gregg provide us with his “Guy” answers!

Help us understand men better!

Why do we have to conform to you all of the time?

As I was reading the responses to the above blog, what occurred to me was this one question….why do WE have to conform to YOUR personality all of the time? Why can’t you guys bend in our direction?

Yes, I realize we need to understand how the male mind works, but it seems as if the end result is “this is how men are, deal with it.” Where’s the give and take?

Questions only Guys can Answer | Why all of the adventure?

I don’t know how many online profiles I have read where the guy wants a woman who is interested in his boating, hiking, biking, workout and golf habits? Many available women past a certain age are most likely divorced and raising children.

We don’t have your free time…don’t expect us to be interested in spending every waking moment before we met you adventure seeking. Adventure for us is throwing a dark-colored pair of socks in with lights to see if the whole load gets trashed or leaving the 3-year old alone while we go to the bathroom.

Why do you think we want to hear every bodily function you have?

Seriously. Okay everyone has gas and everyone uses the bathroom, but this is not an open invitation to share those moments with us. Close the bathroom door. At least mute the phone if you absolutely must use the bathroom while we’re talking or text us instead! And for heaven’s sake, if you had chili with onions for dinner, start the meal with a Beano.

The 60-minute poop (sorry I know, it’s a gross topic)

Here’s a question only guys can answer. When women need to use the bathroom, we go in, we sit down and we go. We don’t, as my mother calls it, “nest”. We don’t take reading materials. We do what we need to do and we move on.

Why is this not the case for men? If you want to read Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, do it somewhere else. Some day, you’re gonna get hemorrhoids from this (true fact) and we’re not rubbing any cream on it for you!

Shoes, socks and belts

Black shoes go with a black belt – and while we’re at it – black socks – not white socks. By the same token, what’s up with this new trend to wear black socks with tennis shoes? Um no.

We don’t expect men to be all matchy matchy like women are, but there are a few no-brainers which make you look like you know what you’re doing – and I know some woman in your life has already told you these! I speak for all women everywhere when I say this – “She is right”.

Have you ever ‘swallowed’ – (no not like that) – I mean have you ever tasted semen yourself?

This could possibly eliminate all of the begging men do on this topic. Seriously – it’s not a salted caramel latte you’re asking us to throw back – not even in the neighborhood. While we’re on the topic of sex, if you would leave your penis alone when we’re not around, it might not take so many antics to get you off in the first place.

Boobs – what’s the attraction?

Women’s breasts are functional – placed there to nurture offspring with highly nourishing milk. Nowhere is it written that breasts are for your entertainment.

If men got less giddy about breasts, maybe women wouldn’t get harassed so often when they attempt to do what is natural – feed their child. Due to this male obsession, women damage their bodies with needless and sometimes dangerous implants – all in the name of looking attractive to a man. Personally, after 4 children, I’ve got nothing of interest to offer in this area.

 

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