How to Get Out of a Relationship Rut
Is your relationship moving forward, or does it just feel stale? Are you in a relationship rut? Do you know how to make a boring relationship fun again? While routines can be useful for getting things done, they can also seriously undermine the passion of a relationship.
This relationship advice will help you identify the reasons behind a stalled relationship—and show you how to Spice it up!
It’s as much about your own routine as it is about his
In other words, if your relationship is suffering from a lack of attention, sit down with your guy and try to figure out if it’s work schedules that are causing the problem.
Many times, a relationship can get out of the rut and come back to life when two people make a conscious decision to cut back on their work hours and spend more time together.
Of course, this doesn’t always work. Sometimes a couple is only surviving because they spend so much time away from one another. If you’re worried about this, you need to start with some of the other ideas listed below, and then come back to this one.
You know everything there is to know about each other
In my dating books, I tell my readers to keep some secrecy about themselves. Ideally, you wouldn’t know everything about them either. It’s the little stories and cool details about you that make someone interested in who you are.
If you feel like you know everything there is to know about your partner, and he knows everything there is to know about you, the relationship will lose its spunk…fast.
A speedy solution to get out of the rut is to get a life outside of your relationship, one without your man. This could be dancing lessons, a night out once a week with your girlfriends, or volunteer work. Heck, try surfing!
Anything to make him wonder where you are and what he is missing.
Do this and guess what? You have more tell him because you had a new adventure! You just became more interesting and mysterious. And how hard was it?
Pretty friggin’ easy – you just signed up for something you always wanted to do and did it.
The same, of course, goes for him.
How to get out of a relationship rut | Spontaneity is lacking and needs some work
Surprise him with something new. Tell him you’re taking him somewhere next week and he needs to leave next weekend completely free. With this suggestion, you may be able to spark his interest in doing spontaneous things in return.
Suggesting in passing that “the relationship could use some spontaneity honey, so, you need to be more spontaneous”, will make him turtle up and feel threatened.
Please don’t do this.
Patience, and a bit of motivation to save your relationship, is necessary here.
You and your partner haven’t been appreciative of one another for a long time
When was the last time you got a little note from him, or he got one from you? How about a card or flowers out of the blue?
When was the last time you thanked him for doing something simple, like taking out the trash or washing the car?
I don’t mean once, either. Try giving him a constant sense that he is appreciated. Without this sense of appreciation, a relationship is going to turn bland fast. This is a great, simple, way to get out of a relationship rut.
How to get out of a relationship rut | You’ve both stopped listening to each other
This is especially true for couples that live together. You see one another every day and if you need to vent about something crappy that happened, it’s going to be directed at your partner every time.
The problem is this kind of continuous negativity really wears out a person’s ability to pay attention. That, and talking about work problems, is going to run your relationship into the ground.
Try talking to girlfriends first. Vent to them and get all your bad energy out. When you get home you’ll be ready to talk about something else more exciting like surfing!
Get a journal to keep at work and use that for venting before you leave (just make sure it’s not in a place where coworkers can find it!)
Final thoughts on how to get out of a relationship rut
You can learn how to make a boring relationship fun again by following my steps above. If the relationship is too far gone, you may have zero motivation to save it.
In that instance, I suggest getting out as soon as possible. Life is about growth, and you can’t do that while sitting in the waiting room that is your dying relationship.
One final suggestion. Try a couples journal together. This is a diary kept by both of you where you can share fun stuff about your day, ask questions, say what your grateful for, and plan the weekend to name a few things. Yes, guys will do this! I do this with my significant other.