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What to do if You are Burned out from Dating

Are You Tired of Dating?

If you’ve been chronically single for a while, you maybe tired of dating and want to jump off a cliff. And who could blame you? The same old places to haunt, the same old small talk to make, and the same old lulls in conversation can get boring and tedious, to say the least.

Don’t forget the worry about whether or not he will call or text you for a second date, and all the awkwardness of whether or not he’ll go in for a kiss. And then there is the whole monotony of having to get ready and all dressed to impress, and for what?

Just to waste time meeting and having to let down another guy you don’t connect with — or worse, another guy who will eventually bruise your heart?

Dating burnout is bound to happen at some point, but it doesn’t mean all hope is lost forever. Rest assured, it’s just a temporary setback, and you will get over it, if you know how. Here’s what to do if you find yourself tired of dating.

Tired of Dating? Dating Detox

If dating is dragging you down, it’s okay to step aside and check out for a while. Stop being over-scheduled and overwhelmed with one date after another. Instead, drive to the beach and enjoy a vacation with your best girlfriends, visit family or your old college roommate for the weekend, or just take a few weeks (or months) to focus on refreshing your outlook with a little me-time.

It’s okay to be alone, and you should embrace the freedom to do what you love, with no strings attached. Take up a new hobby and take your mind off of what’s troubling you. Or find excitement and joy in the little things, like reading a good mystery novel while drinking a Grande Mocha Frappuccino at Starbucks — table for one.

Take a break from dating!

You could just veg on the couch in your comfy sweats with a blanket, a bowl of popcorn and your favorite movie — no boys allowed. Take a breather, recharge your batteries, and detox from dating for a while. We promise you will feel much better if you do.

Attitude Adjustment

Think of it this way. When you are sick, you take care of yourself and take the time to rest and recuperate. The same should hold true when you are sick and tired of dating. You may even learn a little something about what you want in a relationship after your dating detox.

Now is the time to make a change for the better. Dip your toes in the dating pool instead of diving right in, and take the time to feel out the situation before saying yes to another date. You may just save yourself from becoming burned out and tired of dating again!

Think of the types of men you have dated in the past. Why didn’t it work out? Now count how many dates you’ve been on in the recent past. Did you agree to go out with these people because you thought you had to, or because you wanted to?

Instead of saying yes to every Tom, Dick, and Harry or Tucker, Declan, and Holden, be selective and only say yes when you feel there might be a connection, and when you actually feel like going out! You are not obligated as a single girl to always say yes to a date. With that said, of course, keep an open mind.

tired of dating sites

Some unexpected and not-so-obvious guy may surprise you if you give him a chance, while another who is attractive on the surface may be all wrong for you deep down inside. If you consistently are drawn to a certain type and it never turns out well for you, maybe it’s time to reconsider what is really important and attractive to you in a mate.

If you are tired of dating, take a break, focus on yourself for a while and don’t be afraid to be alone. Figure out what you want, adjust your outlook and attitude towards men, and dating, in the process. When you decide you are ready to start dating again, you will feel refreshed, renewed and maybe even excited about dating!

Being comfortable with yourself and feeling confident and independent is attractive, and it will show. Guys will want to be around you, and you’ll find yourself surrounded by options. And you can choose whom, when and if you are ready.

Tired of Dating Final Step

How about getting back to the more traditional ways of meeting men? Brainstorm 50 ideas (hobbies/passions/new adventures) narrow to ten. Pick one or two, sign up and go! The goal here is to get exposure and join groups that you have things in common with. This takes the pressure off from meeting a man while you are having fun.

This is the perfect cure for dating burnout. Your social life will expand and become vibrant – like your it was in your younger days. Heck, you will probably meet some women who are tired of dating too. This will make going on so much more fun.

So close down the online dating accounts, re-group, and go get your MOJO back!

Are YOU Putting Your Best Foot Forward?

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Hi friends. It’s Kirbie today and I’m frustrated. I don’t know about you, but I am tired of wanting to lose the 10-12 pounds I need to lose. I got hot into exercise at the first of the year. Not because of a resolution – I don’t do those, but because my 3 adult daughters and I all wanted to challenge each other. Sadly, only one of us is still exercising and it ain’t me, unfortunately. I have a half-way good reason, but that’s not the point. Are you putting your best foot forward? I know I’m not!

Last weekend, I discovered a jewel of a show called Fit to Fat to Fit. The idea of this show is genius really. They pair a personal trainer with someone who needs to lose weight. The trainer visits the client and explains how he (the trainer) will be gaining weight over the next four months so he can better understand the plight of the client. The trainers, some of them a tad arrogant toward their client, learn some valuable lessons, but I learned one or two as well.

I’ve watched 3-4 episodes of the show now and what I have taken away from it will hopefully be the motivating factor I need to get moving again – after I recover from this darned bug.

On Day 1 of their working out together, after the trainer has gained upward of 50-60 pounds, he puts the client through a pretty tough workout. This afternoon, I watched a woman who just was really hard to get motivated. At one point, the trainer asked her, “Are you going to give up? HUH? HUH? I know you can do this, but do YOU?”

Her responses, which I don’t recall now, centered around denying her desire to give up. She was determined, although whiny. He pushed her way past what she perceived her limits to be. And here is where I come in. I know, I am certain, I do not push myself to my limits. I’ve had several surgeries on key joints over the last 10 or so years, and it does somewhat limit what I can do, but even still, I don’t push myself.

I need to take some of those workouts I see on PopSugar, the ones I dismiss as “too difficult” and go for it with one of them. I need to stop looking for the workout that looks “do-able” and go for one which looks like there’s no way I can do it – then just kill it.

Here is the difference. If I only choose a workout I can do now, what’s the challenge to my body? Sure, there is some, because I’m just that much overweight, but it won’t challenge me for long. It won’t force me to push myself. I’m 53 this May but that doesn’t mean I’m completely incapable of pushing myself physically.

In another show, another phrase spoke to me. The trainer said “How many times have you said “I’ll start on Monday”? (when it’s Tuesday). That’s me. I don’t know if it’s the Type A who resides within me sometimes or what, but I do the same thing. For some reason, I put it off, using ‘timing’ as an excuse.

So here’s the thing. I’m done making excuses! I’m done finding the workout that is ‘do-able’. I want the workout that’s not do-able. I want to push myself to a point past anything I’ve imagined. I want to be able to say I pushed myself as hard as I could and I did it! I can’t imagine how great that will feel!

I challenge you to do the same. Maybe it’s not a weight loss or strength building workout. Maybe it’s a new job or career challenge. Maybe you can challenge yourself to face a fear. Find a way to push yourself beyond what you perceive your limits to be (but be safe, of course!). At the end of my journey, I’ll try to remember to share with you my “before and after” info.

What’s your challenge? How will you be putting your best foot forward?

Game on!

If you’re really ready for a challenge, get ready for Gregg’s new book, Own Your Tomorrow: 14 Steps to Prepare for Love, due out on Amazon on February 21, and on sale for a limited time for just 99 cents! Sign up for Gregg’s newsletter at the top or bottom of this, or any page to stay informed!

Quickie Workouts for Women at Home

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It’s Kirbie today to talk with you about some recent statistics I discovered. Did you know the #1 New Years Resolution is to lose weight? This is closely followed by goals like getting organized, enjoying life to the fullest, and falling in love. This shouldn’t surprise anyone. Especially after learning the average person gains anywhere from 5 to 20 pounds over the holidays. Why? Because with an abundance of joy that comes with the season there is also:

An abundance of stress
An abundance parties
An abundance of really yummy food

What can you do if you want to shed those extra holiday pounds? It’s a bit cold outside to go for a run or ride a bike. Of course, you could always bundle up, but all those bulky layers can really slow you down. Besides, you are probably SUPER busy now that the New Year has begun. I know I am! Is it even possible to sneak in a workout during what little down time you have?

Surprisingly, there are quite a few effective workouts for women at home. All of them are simple and painless, and a few may be even fun! Best of all, they each can be done 10 minutes or less. Since experts recommend at least 30 minutes of physical activity a day, strive for 3 or 4 mini workouts spaced throughout the day, or go for the long haul and do a few consecutively in the morning or in the evening after work. It’s true, you don’t have to devote hours at the gym to see results!

Best Workouts For Women at Home

com offers the 10-Minute-Trainer, a total body workout that activates all your muscles groups in just one move — perfect for anyone with a busy schedule. But be prepared to sweat! This workout focuses on your upper body, lower body, and your core, plus cardio, all at the same time. FYI, did you know that best selling author and relationship coach Gregg Michaelsen is also a Team Beachbody coach?
If you have a garage or enough space at home, jumping rope is an awesome workout which increases your heart rate and tones your whole body, plus it can really make you feel like a kid again! Skip yourself slim with the 10-Minute Jump Rope Workout from Fitness Magazine, including the basics to get you started. This workout burns 135 calories fast, and sculpts your shoulders, chest, arms and legs.
Speaking of feeling like a kid again, a mini trampoline takes up very little space, and some can even be folded in half and stored away when not in use. This low stress, high impact workout lets you burn calories the fun way, right in the comfort of your own living room. Some mini trampoline manufacturers like Urban Rebounder even provide their own workout videos.
Of course, you don’t need fancy equipment to get a good workout at home. Simple exercises like push-ups, planks and sit-ups use your own bodyweight as resistance training, and can easily be done on the floor while you watch TV at night. Streaming workouts like The Daily Burn let you watch workout videos on your computer, tablet, TV, or smartphone.

Of course, it’s always more fun to workout with a friend, or boyfriend. Exercising together keeps you motivated and makes things more fun. Of course, sex is also a great way to sneak in some extra cardio! According to Women’s Health Magazine, sex burns anywhere from 85 to 250 calories, depending on how long you spend in the sack. Plus you can also tone your back, butt, abs, and thighs by working up a sweat with your man.

Regardless of what you choose, pick something which matches your physical and time limitations and go for it! Putting it off until there is a good time to exercise means you’ll be stepping on the scale to even bigger numbers – and more weight to lose than you have right now.

Taking Personal Responsibility to Find Love in 2016!

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I have decided to make 2016 the year for taking personal responsibility! Here’s the thing, though. I need you to join me! It’s never fun to do something like this alone. Just so you know how committed I am to dragging you along, let me show you what I did! I wrapped my truck! Can you believe it? I can’t believe the response I’ve gotten! I park at the mall and when I come out, someone is always waiting to talk to me! Of course, my guy friends are giving me all kinds of crap for it, but I can take it! But, I digress… Big things are in store for us in 2016, I hope you are as excited about this New Year as I am! This is your year to stop the insanity! No more excuses! It’s time to find love – find that one great partner! Are you ready? No? Well, get ready because I’m about to get tough! (And I don’t get tough often!) You need to make a decision. Do you want to find love or not? I mean really – you have all the tools. I have twelve of the best books on the market covering almost everything you need to know. So why are you not applying my tactics? Nevermind, I know…

“Gregg, it’s hard.”
“I don’t have the time.”
“Online dating sucks, they are all creeps.”
“I’m overweight so I never get chosen.”

Excuses! All of them! I have a close friend, Peter, who can’t lose weight. I usually stay out of “Gregg the life coach mode”, with my close friends unless they ask but I stepped in the poo last week. Peter is 40 pounds overweight and complains daily about how the gym sucks. He tried another gym and he said the same thing to me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I said, “Peter, it’s not the gyms – it’s you. The gym is just a big space with weights and machines which just sit there. They have no personality. You need to do something with them. The refrigerator is very similar – a machine that you need to stock with foods which will keep you thin – but you need to stock it with food which will keep you thin!” Yeah, I pissed him off – wasn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last. But do you understand my message? I am holding you accountable this year! I want you to find love, but you need to give it more than just a half-ass effort. Online dating doesn’t suck if you know what you are doing.

Are you screening multiple guys as I describe in Love is in The Mouse?
Are you asking the right questions?
Are you rotating your pics and visiting the site every day so you stay at the top?
Are you casting your net wide?
Are you presenting your best side, both with your profile and your pics?
Did you take my confidence course before you started dating?

If you are doing these things for real then you are tossing out the losers, the couch potatoes and the users! If you are committing to yourself and absorbing my information, then you are having success – you have no choice. The quality guys are there, but they need to see you. You need to rise above the others. One of the biggest issues I’m seeing over and over is women are picking and hanging onto the wrong guy! STOP IT! As a single woman who follows my advice, you are surrounding yourself with several men. This helps you avoid falling into a dangerous trap. When you only date one guy at a time, you can immediately latch onto him, thinking he should return the favor. The problem is, he shouldn’t, and why would he anyway? You don’t know enough about him or vice versa. You don’t know if he is emotionally available, dating and totally getting into someone else, or what’s going on in his life which may make him a wet kitten – all things which make him a wrong guy for you. When a guy isn’t right for you, don’t take it personally, be glad you found out before too much time has passed. Timing is everything. This same thing applies to ex-boyfriends and husbands. If he won’t deal with his alcoholism, hasn’t supported himself for the last 12 years, and/or isn’t divorced yet, lose him! I don’t care if his penis is twelve feet long, you need to lose him and find the man who is right for you. I say these things because I care for you. We need to step up – all of us! This includes me, in fact let’s make a promise to each other to try harder in 2016. I am setting new goals and I am going to be there for more of you, more often, with the advice and the motivation you need, but you need to do your part. You need to absorb this information and apply it! Deal? Awesome! Hopefully, I am helping you today or maybe, like my friend, Peter, I am pissing you off – that’s your decision to make but my heart is in the right place. Gregg…your Drill Sergeant. P.S. If you see me in my truck in the Boston area, (above) give a shout out and say “Hi!”

4 Roadblocks which are Keeping You from Love

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Why Can’t I Find Love?

Women ask me all the time, “Why Can’t I Find Love?” We all want to love and be loved. It’s amazing to feel a real, lasting connection with another person — to be lucky enough to find that someone who makes our hearts race, someone we can actually settle down with for the long haul.

But the road to love can be bumpy, with some serious twists and turns. If we’re not careful, we can lose control or worse, hit a roadblock that completely stops a relationship in its tracks. Best advice? Avoid these 4 roadblocks which are keeping you from love.

Why Can’t I Find Love? #1 Beware of the Superficial

It’s easy to get lost in a superficial checklist of qualities you look for in a partner. But remember, you are not buying a car! A hot body and shiny good looks only take you so far. If you can’t find love, then stop stressing about things that don’t really matter. So far, you have only dated blonds (because you have thing for Brad Pitt), or guys taller than you in heels. How far has that gotten you?

Physical attraction is important, but did you ever notice how a guy gets more (or less) appealing the more you get to know him? That hunky man who treats you poorly can quickly drop to a zero, while the sweet man who makes you laugh can suddenly rev your engine.

Don’t get stuck on a checklist. Instead, open yourself up to new possibilities and see where it takes you. Have you dated an older man? Tried dating a younger guy? How about a guy that loves motorcycles? The happiest relationships share fundamental values, compatible interests, and travel deeper than what is on the surface.

#2 Don’t Let Anxiety Hold You Back

Dating is filled with uncertainty, and it can be intimidating. Instinctively, you may feel a bit of anxiety about the whole thing, and start to avoid dating altogether. Or if you are putting yourself out there, you may decide to floor it in reverse once things really get going.

Instead of worrying and focusing on the negative, imagine the best-case scenario. Picture the two of you reaching that destination together. Let yourself feel happy. Don’t let worry halt your chances of finding love.

#3 Ditch The Baggage and Travel Light

In To Date A Man, You Must Understand A Man, you learn all about baggage handling. The message is simple, and as plain to see as a flashing street sign. Don’t let your baggage slow you down.

Remember, men have baggage too, and they find it refreshing when we are honest and unload it right from the start. As long as you keep it light and positive, you should have nothing but green lights ahead. He will, in turn, feel comfortable enough to let you in on his baggage as well. Get it out there and leave it all behind. That’s the best way to start your journey together — traveling light!

Why Can’t I Find Love? #4 Stay on Track and Keep Moving Forward

Many of us get scared when we get too close. That old baggage resurfaces again, and we start making comparisons. We don’t want to get hurt again. We become unsure, or we become afraid to make a commitment. So we put up walls and distance ourselves from love, making it virtually impossible to move forward.

Don’t get stuck in your own head. You may think you are protecting yourself from a major disaster, but in reality, you are just preventing yourself from reaching the place where you really want to be. If you’re not open to love, you will never get there. Stay on track, move past the fear, and make a choice to keep your heart open.

There is a lot of dating advice for women out there. Because love CAN be a difficult road filled with obstacles. But the fact is, we may just be responsible for some of those roadblocks. Like a good Driver’s Ed refresher course, sometimes we need a little reminder to avoid the things that get in the way of our happiness.

Click HERE and learn How to Enjoy Being Single!

The finish line is in sight — so avoid those roadblocks, and enjoy the ride!

Are You Ready for a Relationship?

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5 Signs you’re Ready for a Relationship

There are many reasons you may be ready for a relationship – or not. Age, recent relationship failures, abuse or a host of other things in your past may be playing a role.

Unfortunately, due to some basic urges and needs we all have, we never consider this question before we enter into a new relationship. The sad thing is that you could find Mr. Right, but you’re Ms. Wrong because you’re just not ready.

It’s Kirbie today and in this three-part series, we’re going to examine whether or not you’re ready for a relationship. Next week, we will look at whether or not he is ready.

I’ll give you some subtle things you can look for to help you figure it out. Finally, we’ll wrap it up with some tips on getting yourself ready for a relationship.

You’ve Given up the Party Every Night Lifestyle

Having fun is great – in fact, it’s essential to take time to have fun. The problem is when you party too much or too often. Regardless of your age, you should not be partying to a point where you don’t remember how you got home.

Nor, should you be spending every waking hour partying. Going to a bar once in a while to hang out with your friends or inviting them over for a glass of wine is fine. Having the bartender know your favorite beer and how many to have ready for you per hour is a problem.

You Have Direction

how to know if you're not ready for a relationship

Do you have a clear path of where you want to go?

In order to be ready for a relationship, you need to be able to face life head-on and have some goals. What career path are you following or planning to follow? Where do you want to live? What type of home do you want to have? Do you want to travel? Do you want children? Are you even ready to move in with a guy?

If you’re older, do you want to date someone with younger children, or have more children with a new guy? Do you want to relocate? You need to know all of these things in order to know what type of man you should target.

You Have Your Act Together

Gregg talks about this a lot in his dating advice best seller, To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself, so I won’t drone on about it because you’ve surely already read it. Having your act together means you not only have direction, but you have a life of your own.

You have found some things you enjoy doing, and you have friends with whom you do them. You are living within your means and either have, or are building a solid financial base for yourself.

You take care of yourself be eating right, exercising and practicing self-care. You do this because you are worth it, not because someone tells you too.

This also means that you know what your values are. You have an opinion about things like spirituality, politics, work ethics, money, how you treat others, and a host of other things.

Again, these things will help you figure out what type of man you should be pursuing because his value system will be very similar to yours.

You Value the Opinions of Others

When you are a confident woman who is ready for a relationship, you have the ability to not only hear the opinions of others, but to value their side, whether or not you agree. This is also important because it means you have world experiences that have provided you with those opinions.

Nothing turns a guy off faster than for you to giggle and say “Gee, I dunno” when he says “What do you think of [insert random topic here]”. I’m not telling you that you need to become some sort of information savant, I’m saying stay tuned into things going on around you.

Think about things you hear about in the news and form an educated opinion. Take an interest in life.

Fill your life with knowledge so you have opinions!

For example, even if you don’t like football, you can still say something intelligent. He may ask, “What did you think of that Patriots win last weekend?” Now, if I were to be asked that question, I’d say something like “Well, it was better to watch that than the awful beating my Steelers took!”

BAM. BUT, I’m a huge sports fan, let’s get back to you – and you’re not so saying something like “Well, I didn’t see the game myself, but I saw the score – impressive!” will at least keep you out of trouble. I mean, come on-you can see that stuff on Facebook!

After you feed him a happy sports tidbit, steer the conversation to something you can speak more about, like “I saw a great piece on hiking in the Smokey’s last week. Do you enjoy hiking?”

You Put the Interests of Others before Your Own

This is a biggie. Too many people in relationships are only looking out for themselves. It’s immature, and it screams, “I lack confidence”. If you’re in a great relationship, you’re always looking out for one another. You’ve got his back and he has yours.

I’m not saying you need to dote on him day and night – so don’t take my words in that way. You then run the risk of making him your hobby, and, again – you’ve read Gregg’s books, so you already know this is a no-no.

Are you ready for a serious relationship?

Here’s an example: you let him go golfing with his buddies on a Saturday morning, rather than whine about the lawn needing to be mowed. Take that time and do something you enjoy.

If you really want to drive him nuts, head out just before he is due to leave, wearing an outfit he has admired in the past, and say something like “See ya when you get home, Honey. I’m going to spend the morning with Victoria looking for a new gym to join.”

He’ll be home from golf as soon as the game is over, and he’ll be wondering all morning what you’re up to. He’ll also be pretty likely to get that lawn mowed before the weekend ends (and isn’t that what you wanted him to do in the first place?).

Here are a few more signs you are ready:

You’re not always trying to ‘fix’ him
You understand the importance of communication
Nobody needs to ‘complete’ you
You understand what has caused your past relationships to fail
You’re worthy of a good man
Your main goal in life every day is to avoid, not stir up, drama

In part 2 of this series, we will examine how to determine whether or not your guy is ready for a relationship, without being obvious about it.

Why Does a Man Pull Away? How can You Draw Him Close Again?

Build Confidence, Find Happily Ever After, Get My Ex Back, Understand Men

Why does a man pull away? It’s a question women have been asking for many years and, lucky for you, there are a few simple answers.

Before we examine the why let’s look at what it looks like.

What You’ll Find Here

Is Your Man Pulling Away?
Why Does a Man Pull Away? He Has a Fear of Commitment
He’s Afraid of His Own Feelings
He’s Afraid He’ll Lose His Independence and Freedom
Why Does a Man Pull Away? Things Got Too Intense
He May Need Some Man Time
He’s Dealing with Other Stuff
Why Does a Man Pull Away? He Has Low Self-Worth
He’s Struggling to Identify as Part of a Couple
He’s Confused Lust with Love
Why Does a Man Pull Away? He’s Moved On
How do You Maintain Your Self-Worth?
What Can You Do While He’s Away?
What Shouldn’t You Do While He’s Away?
Why Does a Man Pull Away?

Is Your Man Pulling Away?

There are signs that your guy is pulling away, some more obvious than others:

He literally walks out the door (if you live together)
He’s less responsive or he ignores you most of the time
“Babe I just need some space”
He digs into work or a hobby, spending less time with you
You see signs that he’s looking for your replacement
He avoids you
He hangs up on you and doesn’t call back

Kate and Jack had been married for ten years but things were slowly declining. Kate spent days taking care of their four children while Jack worked. As the days went on, Jack worked later and later into the evenings, leaving his children to miss his presence and Kate to pick up the slack.

When Jack was home in the evenings, Kate went off to their bedroom, where her computer was stored, to work. Even when they were in the house together, they were usually apart. Jack spent more weekends at work and less at home.

Finally, Jack moved out and Kate was so relieved. She didn’t realize how much unspoken tension was filling their home until Jack was gone and she felt it leave like a big swoosh of air. Jack had been pulling away for months until his only next step was to move out.

Is Your Relationship Over?

Do you think your relationship is teetering on the edge of disaster? Has he aleady left? This is a great article for sure, but there are others! Just click the button to read them.

Find more articles here...

Why Does a Man Pull Away? He Has a Fear of Commitment

For some men, a fear of commitment will freeze them in their tracks. There is a name for this. It’s called gamophobia.

When you’re experiencing gamophobia, you have an irrational and uncontrolled fear of being accountable to a partner or spouse.

For much of your relationship up until now, you’ve been getting to know one another, and this is fun for men. They love the mystery of uncovering who you are beyond your looks. That’s what’s important to them.

But as the relationship advances and he senses you want a commitment; he distances himself and seems less available. Texts go unanswered or sit for hours, even days before you get a response. Your phone calls are answered, but not nearly every time.

He’s facing a moment of truth with you. He either needs to make a commitment or bail and his fight or flight mechanism tells him to fly.

Of course, the fear significantly outweighs any perceived threat. How can a happy relationship be threatening?

Perhaps you’ll see how if we look at the causes of gamophobia.

Causes of Gamophobia

He’s Had Negative Relationship Experiences Previously

One of two things most likely happened if this is the cause.

Either he experienced a childhood with chronically unhappy parents, perhaps including domestic abuse or, at the very least, lots of fighting; or he experienced his own very negative relationship and he’s afraid of another.

His Childhood Attachments Weren’t Healthy

If your guy didn’t have healthy attachments to his parents or caregivers, it could cause his gamophobia.

When a child grows up not having his needs met by his caregivers, he develops insecure attachment styles. This causes him to have a difficult time forming relationships and to feel less secure in any relationships he does engage in.

Additionally, he might have a fear of abandonment or rejection if either of those things occurred in his past.

It’s In His Genes – or History

Sometimes, it boils down to nature or nurture. There is research that suggests phobias might be passed from one generation to another genetically, making him more susceptible to phobias like this one.

He might also have learned this phobia because someone in his family experienced it. By watching someone else experience this phobia, he developed the phobia himself.

What Can You Do?

Unfortunately, like other problems your guy may experience, there’s nothing you can do to fix this. He needs to fix it for himself and with phobias, the best course is to seek professional help.

What you can do is try to gently point out that he seems to distance himself from your relationship anytime the commitment conversation happens. He might not really be aware that he’s experiencing this problem.

You can ask him how he feels when you talk about commitment. If he has gamophobia, not only will he distance himself from your relationship, but he might experience physical symptoms associated with fear, like hyperventilating, chest pain, choking sensations, feelings of impending doom, rapid heart rate or breathing, sweating, and trembling.

If he’s willing to seek help and you’re willing to wait, you can probably come out on the other side of his treatment with a healthy relationship.

He’s Afraid of His Own Feelings

For some men, managing their emotions is very challenging. When these men were growing up, they were taught to suck it up and deal more often than they were told to feel sad, disappointed, or frustrated.

For many, the only acceptable emotion was anger. For him to now feel love is scary. He didn’t date you with the idea of falling in love with you. He dated you because you piqued his interest. He found you mysterious and he has had a great time learning about you.

Then, WHAM! He realizes he’s in love with you and oh boy, does that scare him.

The thing is that men usually pull back when they need to process their emotions. While many women are open books when it comes to their emotions, most men are not accustomed to having these feelings. Processing them in seclusion feels the safest.

What Can You Do?

If you give him time and you nurture your friendships and hobbies, he’ll most likely come back to you, able to handle his feelings of love for you and ready to move forward.

The worst thing you can do is keep after him while he’s processing his emotions. Let him stew in things on his own for a while. I can’t give you a timetable. Every person is different. What I can say is that if you come to him before he’s ready, it won’t help.

Turn to your girlfriends. Enjoy time with them. Pick up an old hobby or find a new one. Engross yourself in those relationships and hobbies and patiently wait for him to return.

He’s Afraid He’ll Lose His Independence and Freedom

When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to slip into some bad habits, like seeing one another to the exclusion of your outside friendships.

For your man, the thought of making a bigger commitment to your relationship might cause him to fear losing his independence and freedom.

Right now, if he wants to hang with the guys, he thinks he’s independent and free enough to do so without any repercussions.

This is where a concept I refer to as perceived freedom comes into play. Perceived freedom is when a guy feels he’s free to hang out with his friends whenever he wants to, but he’ll usually seek your permission or at least an okee dokee first.

If you go into a relationship forbidding him from seeing his friends or whining and complaining every time he wants to watch college football with the guys, he will not only fear he’s losing his independence, he’ll know he is.

What Can You Do?

Let him hang out with his friends. If it seems he’s doing a little too much of it, like more than one or two evenings every couple of weeks, you have things you can do that don’t involve whining, arguing, or complaining.

For example, if he says he wants to hang out to watch Thursday Night Football with his buddies, fine. Let him. But…

Plan something with your girlfriends for that same evening. Make sure he sees you before you leave, and make sure you look and smell great. Kiss him on the cheek and tell him you’ll see him later.

He’ll go watch TNF, but he’ll be thinking about how great you looked and smelled and whether any guys might see you. While he might be afraid to lose his independence, he’s probably more afraid of losing you!

You’ve dampened his time with his friends without complaining or arguing. He’s still hanging out with them, but he’s not having as much fun as he thought he would.

No, this isn’t game-playing. You should always maintain relationships with your friends, regardless of your relationship status. This is you doing what he’s doing – hanging out with friends. The difference is that you look and smell great and he’s going off with smelly men.

Why Does a Man Pull Away? Things Got Too Intense

I’m sure this has happened to you before. You meet a guy and there’s an immediate connection. Sparks are flying right from the start. You find yourselves wanting to spend every moment together and then, BAM. He’s nowhere to be found.

Even though he played a role in this accelerated pace, he’s now stepping back and wondering what the heck just happened.

He’s a little freaked out and needs a moment or five to cool his heels.

Men date first to have fun. They like to uncover the mystery behind who you are. Nothing makes a guy smile inside more than finding out something intriguing about a woman he’s been dating.

How Can You Avoid This?

Let him have that time. Even if you feel this drive to spend tons of time with him, back off. If he’s pressuring you to spend that time, gently slow things down. If you just went out last night and he’s texting for a date tonight, you can say, “I’m sorry Gregg, but I have Yoga class tonight. Are you available on Thursday?” This way, he knows you’re interested, but he recognizes that you have a life outside of dating him.

He might even recognize that he was pushing a little too hard and fast.

It’s okay to suggest an alternate day and time for a date if you do it as I suggested above. Even if you don’t have a Yoga class or anything else planned, seeing him every night will soon lead to him feeling that things are moving too fast.

It’s okay to say, “I’d like to enjoy an evening at home with my dog, Freddy. Maybe we can do a movie this weekend?”

When you suggest that alternate time, which is a few days out, you slow things down and let him know you’re still interested.

He May Need Some Man Time

When you’re single, you do what you want, when you want to. You’re a different version of yourself than you are when you’re in a relationship.

This is true for men too. When he’s in a relationship, a man may feel more vulnerable and emotionally expressive than he’s comfortable with. This is uncharted territory for many men and it makes them feel as if they need to retreat.

He might need some time away from your relationship to recharge his man battery. He needs to feel manly again, and he doesn’t see a way to do that in your relationship. This might be when he retreats to his man cave for a while so he can burp the alphabet, scratch himself and watch sports.

If your relationship is new, he’ll find this time when he’s at home. If you’ve been together for a while or you live together, he might spend time at a buddy’s house watching sports and hanging with the guys.

What Can You Do?

Your job is to let him do his manly thing. Don’t fight or argue with him about it. You should use this time to do your own thing. Pursue a hobby or spend time with your friends.

If you pant after him like a lost puppy, you’ll only aggravate the situation and make his need to pull back stronger.

Men need this man time for a variety of reasons. He might be dealing with something difficult, like the loss of a loved one or not getting the job or promotion he was going after. As you read previously, men have a tough time processing those types of emotions and often need time to themselves to do so.

He’s Dealing with Other Stuff

If you’re dating a man who’s going through his divorce still, he might retreat from your relationship so he can deal with the divorce. If there are children involved, there is a lot of emotion tied up with this past relationship.

By retreating from his relationship with you, he’s able to put all his emotional energy into the divorce. In most cases, he will come back to you once everything with his previous marriage is settled.

In other situations, he may be dealing with a significant loss or disappointment. He might be under a lot of stress or pressure at work, which leads him to feel tired and overwhelmed.

Other things like health, money, or outside family issues can sideline even the toughest man.

What Can You Do?

There is a repeating theme here, but that’s because it’s often your best course of action.

You allow him to retreat and lick his wounds or deal with whatever he’s got going on outside of your relationship.

The reason he’s retreating is that he doesn’t want to short-change you by worrying you or spending less time with you. For him, it makes more sense to retreat from the relationship altogether than to try to navigate the relationship and his stressors.

He’s trying not to hurt you, and while his retreat probably does hurt, understanding why he’s doing so should take a lot of the sting out of the situation.

Why Does a Man Pull Away? | He has Low Self-Worth

He may think you’re the most awesome woman he’s ever met, but that could also be the problem.

If your guy has low self-worth, he might not believe he deserves a great woman like you. He’s going to distance himself from you before you figure out that you can do better. While in some of the other situations, your guy is distancing himself to protect you, in this case, he’s protecting himself.

There are many reasons why someone has low self-worth, but they have nothing to do with you.

What Can You Do?

The first, and most important thing you must know is that this isn’t your thing to fix. Just like the other issues presented here, this is something he must fix for himself. Still, there are things you can do to help and support him.

Also, when he makes negative comments about himself, don’t be dismissive or try to counter what he said. For example, if he says he wants to lose weight, don’t tell him he’s fine just the way he is or that you love him just like he is. That type of statement doesn’t support his current belief.

Instead, ask him what he’s unhappy with. He might not like how his clothes fit, or he might feel discouraged that he’s winded when he walks around the office. Acknowledge his negative feelings, then offer something positive, “Jack, I know your clothes have gotten a bit tight, but really, I think you’re a very attractive man, inside and out.”

Another thing to be aware of is that he has some negative self-talk going on. He might wish he was a better golfer, like his friend. His rationale is that he can’t play any sport because his golf game sucks. In this case, encourage him not to compare himself to Jack, who went to college on a golf scholarship. Offer to take lessons with him or encourage him to try something different.

When your partner suffers from low self-worth or self-esteem, the best course you can take is to encourage him to engage in positive activities that will boost his confidence and belief in himself. Help him see the wonderful man you see, but don’t push it. Just be there to support him.

He’s Struggling to Identify as Part of a Couple

This works in reverse too, and it might be easier to explain it that way first. When you experience a breakup, one of the things that blindsides you is when people stop referring to you as you guys or you two because you’re single now.

If a guy has been single for any period, he identifies as a single person. He has that freedom you read about earlier. He can hang out with his friends whenever he wants. Vulnerability isn’t an issue. I could go on and on, but I think you see what I mean.

Then, suddenly, he finds himself in a relationship and no longer single. He’s struggling to put all those single pieces into new slots. It doesn’t have anything to do with you or your relationship. He might be very happy as far as that goes, but he’s still struggling.

He had routines centered around being single. He had guys’ nights and Saturdays to work on his motorcycle. Now, even though he wants to spend time with you, he can’t figure out how to do those things he also loves too.

What Can You Do?

Again, the answer is to give him space. Don’t make him feel like one hundred percent of his time must be with you. It should never be that way. Let him work on his motorcycle on Saturdays, or compromise and give him Saturday morning. Let him enjoy guys’ night, sometimes at your house even.

Make the transition from being single to being in a relationship a smooth one for him by not demanding too much of his time at first. Give him that perceived freedom and let him grow into being a partner.

He’s Confused Lust with Love

That early heat in a relationship is lust. It’s a strong physical attraction that pulls you both into sex, probably too soon. Now, that heat is fading and he thinks that means the love is gone too. How do you know the difference?

Lust is characterized by:

Overwhelming desire for sex
Lack of interest in the other person’s life outside sex with you
Hyperfocus on the present, no future thinking
Compatibility isn’t even on your radar
Your dates are usually in private, where sex is easier

Love is characterized by:

An emotional attachment or connection
Planning for your future together
Ability to be emotionally vulnerable
You want to know more about his life
It builds slowly

The truth is that no relationship experiences the same level of chemistry all the time, regardless of how long the couple has been together. Relationships naturally go in and out of those times, so just because the heat has faded, it doesn’t mean there’s no love.

What You Can Do

The best course here might be to explain to him that relationships naturally experience ebbs and flows when it comes to chemistry and sexual attraction. The bigger question he should ask himself is how emotionally invested he is in the relationship. How emotionally invested are you? Which category above best describes how you feel?

Sometimes our instinct is to fight for something that we don’t really want, just because it’s slipping away. Take inventory of your feelings before you try to talk him out of or into his.

Why Does a Man Pull Away? He’s Moved On

If your relationship is new, and by new, I mean less than a few months old, he might have decided to move on.

By pulling back instead of facing you directly, he’s avoiding hurting you. Those first few months of a relationship are all about getting to know someone and it’s possible that eventually, one or both of you recognize that there are sacrifices you don’t want to make or values that just don’t align.

These relationships can’t usually be saved because there isn’t enough history between you to be meaningful and enticing. Exiting the relationship slowly is easier than just breaking it off, which is what he should do.

What You Can Do

There isn’t much you can do in this situation. If he’s not attracted to you, your best course is to find someone new. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. The two of you simply aren’t compatible.

If this is what’s going on, you also need to put an end to it. Kindly and without malice, invite him for a conversation. Then simply tell it like it is, “Hey Gregg, I think you’re a great guy, but I don’t see us going the distance. I think it’s better if we go our separate ways.”

When men talk to one another, they’re direct, so he’ll understand this and appreciate your honesty. He’s probably internally grateful that he didn’t have to hurt your feelings and relieved that it’s over.

How do You Maintain Your Self-Worth?

Most of the reasons a man pulls away have everything to do with him and nothing to do with you. As you experience this situation, you need to acknowledge the explanations above don’t diminish the pain of feeling his distance, but I hope most of them will give you hope. Just because he’s distant right now doesn’t mean he’s gone forever.

In many of the situations you’ve read about, he needs time or professional help to overcome what’s holding him back. If he’s willing to do the work, there’s still a chance for him to return.

The truth is that in most instances, a man will pull away and you’ll be left asking that first question, why does a man pull away? What I don’t want you to spend a lot of time on is asking yourself what did I do wrong?

His pulling away might be his way of working on an issue he has or of becoming the man he believes you deserve. He might be trying to be better, for you.

What Can You Do While He’s Away?

Instead of viewing this as a life crisis, view it as an opportunity to work on your own life. What would you like to improve upon? Is there a hobby you’ve been interested in? Have you lost touch with a friend or family member?

Take this opportunity to do those things, to make those connections. The busier you stay, the happier you’ll be.

Regardless of what shape you’re in right now, get back into a workout routine. This is a great way to pump some endorphins through your system.

It’s also a great time to go after a promotion or work on getting a new job if you don’t like the one you have.

You’re single, even if it’s temporary. Take advantage of this time!

What Shouldn’t You do While He’s Away

Don’t keep trying to get him to communicate with you. In fact, this might be a time to practice the no-contact rule, if he’s fully extricated himself from your relationship.

Will no contact make him move on?

If he reaches out to you, you reply, but if he waited two days, it’s okay for you to wait, but no longer than the two days he waited. If you reply and he waits two hours, you wait two hours.

At this point, you’re putting into it exactly what he’s putting in. No more and no less. It will do him good to see you out doing things, living your life, working on yourself, or whatever you’re doing.

If he cares for you at all, and my guess is that he does, his interest will be piqued by your behavior. Why? Because he expects you to badger him with texts begging him to come back. He expects you to be down in the dumps.

You’re his Plan B. Whatever his reason for leaving, he’s certain that you’ll be waiting there, still scooping out the Ben and Jerry’s, tearfully waiting for him to return. By not doing that, you’re behaving mysteriously. That will get his attention.

You should also avoid dating right now. This sends him a signal that you’ve moved on, and he won’t put a lot of effort into trying to win you back if he believes this to be true.

You’re not yet at a point of asking for your stuff back or sending his back to him either, unless he’s clearly moved on. If you either don’t want him back or you feel he’s truly done, go ahead, but if you hold any hope of him returning, hang onto that stuff for a while longer.

Why Does a Man Pull Away?

As you’ve now read, there are a host of answers to the question of why does a man pull away. Some of them require him to do some heavy-duty work on himself while others are more about him taking a break to recharge his testosterone again or sort out a problem.

Regardless of his reason, your actions are pretty much the same. Let him go do his thing. Most men go through this at some point in a relationship, so for you, it’s more of a time to wait it out.

Be supportive of him if he needs it, but don’t insert yourself into any situation where it seems he wants to be by himself. Your nurturing instincts won’t serve you well this time. Be patient. I know it sucks to feel the way you do right now, not knowing what the future holds, but I guarantee you better odds of him returning if you follow this advice!

To date a man, you must understand a man. Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations. To a man, his financial status indicates how well he can take care of you and your family. It's a source of pride for him to be able to do so, even if you make your own money and can support yourself.

It's how he was raised.

Men also love differently. Many relationships breakup for the simple reason that a man is showing a woman how much he loves her, but he isn't saying the words she longs to hear. He's taking her car to get the oil changed, building the shelves she desires in her office and helping with the outside chores. You're probably missing many of these signs that he loves you.

You gain so much insight into the male mind that you'll be amazed at what you suddenly see and understand in the behavior of all men around you. Not just the man you're in a relationship with, but the men you work with and those in your family.

Read more about the book here or click the buttons to buy it today!

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3 Simple Rules To Help Women Exude Confidence (and Get the Guy)

Build Confidence, Date Great Men

How to Exude Confidence as a Woman

Hi Ladies! This next article is about how to exude confidence as a woman. It’s part cautionary tale, part good advice, from our guest contributor Jen (printed with her permission)….

My name is Jen, and I had this friend growing up who always lived in the shadow of her older sister. They were both equally pretty and equally smart, but somehow, the older sister had all the confidence, while the younger sister had none.

True to form, the older sister was head cheerleader, Homecoming Queen, and Valedictorian in high school, and after graduation she left our small town for college in the big city.

She now has a doctorate degree, married a professional athlete, and lives in a gorgeous house on the west coast with their two children.

The younger sister went to college closer to home, and after she got her undergrad degree, her famous brother-in-law set her up with a job as a personal assistant to one of his even more famous friends.

I found out after the fact that she quickly started sleeping with her movie star boss…. who was much older – and married by the way. Obviously, the movie star’s wife left him because – well – he was a cheater.

Fast-forward ten years. The younger sister is still single. Sure, she dated quite a few guys since the affair, but nothing seemed to stick. The movie star, on the other hand, is remarried — to a much younger woman who looks strikingly similar to my friend.

How to exude confidence as a woman – Believe in Yourself!

They have a baby on the way. On paper, the two women were interchangeable, but there was something one had that the other didn’t. Why did the movie star marry someone who could be my friend’s doppelgänger? And why did the life of the older sister take such a different path?

I guess you can chalk it all up to one thing — confidence. It’s pretty hard to get the guy if you don’t have it. Sleeping with a married man who is also your boss does not scream, in the words of Gregg Michaelsen, “Hey, I’m a quality woman who deserves respect!” She had so much to offer and sadly, she just gave it away.

How to Exude Confidence as a Woman Rule #1

Whether you’re dating a celebrity or a regular Joe, you’re not a challenge if you sleep with him right away. And guys like a challenge. He probably won’t see you as wife material either (even if you are).

Your grandma’s advice may actually have some truth to it. He won’t buy the cow if he gets the milk for free, and if you’re not a girl he can bring home to his Mama, he won’t.

On the flip side, remember you are the chooser, so own it and choose wisely. A quality woman deserves a quality man, not someone else’s cheating husband (even if he is rich and famous)!

Rule #2 is all about Appearances

Sure, wearing your favorite dress makes you feel beautiful, and that can give you a boost in confidence. But it goes beyond that. Have you ever noticed a very pretty girl sitting alone at a bar, while all the guys pay attention to her less pretty friend? Confidence is attractive!

Not only does she have interesting things to say, but her poses, posture, and mannerisms are also conveying a message. You can tell a lot about a person in how they carry themselves, and body language speaks volumes! If you stand up straight, look people in the eye and flash a genuine smile, guys will notice.

How to Exude Confidence as a Woman Rule #3

The third and last rule is all about what’s inside.

If you feel comfortable, it will show in the same way insecurities do. Don’t worry about impressing people, and be true to yourself. If he doesn’t love you for who you are, he’s not worth your time and effort.

When you stop worrying and stop trying so hard, you may just stumble across the perfect guy for you — someone who will love you unconditionally, insecurities and all.

Every Woman Needs a Good Story: What’s Your Story?

Build Confidence, Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After

Do you want to meet quality men? If so, you need a good story. What’s your story? Let me show you how to meet quality men by building a good story. Consider me to be any of the following people:

A man thinking about dating you
A boss considering you for a job
A friend you just met who wants to hang out with you
A family member (or a bank) considering lending you money

What do all these people have in common? They all want to know your story. If this story is interesting, unique and positive, they will grant you the action you desire. Hmm, you say? What do you tell them? What’s your story? Your story, the story you tell them, started years ago, maybe even decades ago. If that story is not positive, your story starts today! Women who get what they want out of life have a great story. This story doesn’t need to be about how you conquered the world or even how fast you ran a mile. When you tell a man your story, he is able to gauge your level of confidence. The role of confidence in dating cannot be ignored. What’s a good story? This high value woman, Meghan, has a story like this:

I’m busy all week long, yoga on Monday and Thursday, volleyball on Tuesday, and Friday out with the girls
I went to Paris last month, I had a great time seeing the sights…
My friends and I tried wind surfing, after 15 attempts I…
I went to the ICA Museum in Boston on Sunday, wow, who knew…
Three more weeks and I will have completed my bachelor’s degree in…
I put a hold on my gym membership and joined Crossfit!

See how busy Meghan is and interesting she must be? This is because she is constantly on the move – trying new things and saying no to any suggestion of a routine. Her life is rich with experiences. Will she fail at some of these things or not like them? Oh yeah! But that doesn’t stop her because she has the confidence to fail so she can succeed. Now, imagine what Meghan will be like when she goes on a date with a quality guy like Jack – a guy she met while wind surfing. She will be interesting because she has stories to tell. She will have opinions because she has experiences in many fields. She will be generally happy and positive because she lives life with reckless abandon! Jack? His jaw is on the ground. Not because of Meghan’s stunning looks, no – she is very average looking, but because she is so much fun to be with! Meghan wants to know all about Jack and he loves talking about himself (like all guys do.) She doesn’t talk much about herself and this makes her mysterious. Suddenly Jack wants to find out more about her and when he asks, he is amazed! Megan wraps up the date early because she has plans and this makes Jack’s jaw drop even more. Is a second date in the making? – You can bet your life on it if Jack has his way. So tell me, what’s your story?

To date a man, you must understand a man. Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations. To a man, his financial status indicates how well he can take care of you and your family. It’s a source of pride for him to be able to do so, even if you make your own money and can support yourself.

It’s how he was raised.

Men also love differently. Many relationships breakup for the simple reason that a man is showing a woman how much he loves her, but he isn’t saying the words she longs to hear. He’s taking her car to get the oil changed, building the shelves she desires in her office and helping with the outside chores. You’re probably missing many of these signs that he loves you.

You gain so much insight into the male mind that you’ll be amazed at what you suddenly see and understand in the behavior of all men around you. Not just the man you’re in a relationship with, but the men you work with and those in your family.

Read more about the book here or click the buttons to buy it today!

BUY NOW US

BUY NOW UK

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