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Answer These 10 Questions Before Moving in with Your Boyfriend

You’re here because you think moving in with your boyfriend is the next step for your relationship. You’ve dated for a while now and you think he might be the one. Maybe he’s even sent you a few signals along the way to indicate he’s ready. 

I don’t want to imply your guy is a schmuck, but let me explain one thing about men. A man will say and do just about anything to keep a woman, and that includes moving in when he doesn’t want to or buying an engagement ring for a woman he has no intention of marrying.

I’m not always proud of my male counterparts. We can be a lazy bunch and it is easier to say or do anything to keep a woman than it is to go out and find another who will put up with our idiosyncrasies.

But, your guy may be a good guy so let’s create a moving in with your boyfriend checklist. Here are ten questions you should ask yourself, or your boyfriend before taking the dive.

Why Do You Want To Move In Together?

This is the most important question. Unless you’re planning on sharing a home but not a bed, the answer should not be to save money. Moving in together is a big step in a relationship and a commitment and not to be taken lightly.

Be honest about your reasons. Do you want to advance your relationship to the next level? Are you hoping to learn whether you want to get married? Think long and hard about your true reasons for taking this step and then have a discussion with your guy.

You’re making, at the least, a twelve-month commitment with a lease so you need to be sure you’re both doing this for the right reasons.

“Uh, ummm I’m doing it because you said you wanted to” isn’t acceptable.

moving in with your boyfriend

Do You Want The Same Things?

What outcome do you expect? Do you want marriage? Do you want children? Or, are you just in the market for someone to live with, without expectations of marriage?

You must discuss this with him, but not before you answer it for yourself. Be honest with yourself and don’t answer in the way you think will draw him closer to you. Know what you want out of your relationship with him.

Once you’ve figured that out, make sure you both want the same things. Each of you needs to be honest with yourselves and one another.

Moving in With Your Boyfriend | How Will You Handle The Finances?

Before moving in together, you need to decide who will handle the finances. Will you put all of the utilities and the lease in both names or one? Will you create a joint checking account or divide things up between you?

Money can become a great divider in a relationship if you don’t sort this out. One of you will feel like you’re carrying more of the burden than the other. Make sure you know what you can afford and look into all of the expenses ahead of time so nobody is blindsided.

Make sure you’re not getting involved with someone whose credit score is in the toilet. Yours should already be in good shape because you know how important  finances are in a relationship.

How Will You Divide The Chores?

Who hasn’t seen The Break-Up with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston? What is her number one issue with him, other than his obvious immaturity? He doesn’t help with anything around their apartment. While she slaves away, he plays video games and forgets to get the lemons.

While it’s funny when we see it on the big screen, this is the stuff that causes plates to fly and cabinet doors to loosen. It can be a huge friction point.

You probably both work, so be reasonable about what to expect from one another. Try making the chores fun instead of drudgery. When you talk about this, you may find that he doesn’t mind doing the dishes if you cook or vice versa. Just have the talk.

Where Do You Both Need To Compromise?

In any relationship, compromise is a big deal. Up until now, your biggest compromises were where to eat dinner and which movie to see. Now that you’re thinking about moving in together, there will be a lot more areas in which you need to compromise.

I turn again to a movie, but an oldie. In When Harry Met Sally, their best friends who ended up living together. If you’ve seen it, the wagon wheel table scene sticks in your mind for sure.

Billy Crystal losing his sh*t over a table is just classic!

Don’t let things get this far. Get a storage unit to store things you’re not quite ready to part with. Who has the couch you’ll use? Whose bed will you share?

What of his are you willing to let in if he allows your entire shoe collection?

moving in with your boyfriend

Moving in With Your Boyfriend | How Will You Handle Disagreements?

Now that you’ll be living together, you can’t retreat to your own homes when you have a fight. You need to set up a plan ahead of time. I suggest that you each claim a space to retreat to when you need to cool off. If you’ve got the space available in the apartment, you can each choose a separate room.

Men need time after an argument to lick their wounds and you need time to cool your emotions. No productive conversation ever came out of highly emotional situations.

If you don’t have space in your apartment for both of you to retreat, make another plan like one of you will head out with friends, to the library, gym or spa. Give yourselves time and then sit down to discuss things calmly.

Are You Willing To Live With One Another’s Idiosyncrasies?

You know there are things about him that bug you and I have no doubt there are things you do that drive him nuts. And these are just things you know about!

It’s time to decide if you can live with one another’s idiosyncrasies. If you can’t, you need to talk them through. There is nothing wrong with a conversation that starts out with, “Do you think you can set your phone aside during dinner?” or “I’d really appreciate it if you’d lower the toilet seat after you use it.”

I snore, so I get sent down the hall to sleep!

When he asks you to change, you need to decide whether he’s worth making that change. We make changes when we want to, not because someone wants us to.

Are You Both On The Same Page About What Clean Means?

If you’re a neat freak and he’s a Messy Marvin, you’re doomed for big arguments. Before you move in with your boyfriend, determine what each of you thinks of as clean. You both may need to compromise.

Be clear on what you define as clean and hear him out. If he’s OCD about having the kitchen counters clean, can you live with that? Can you struggle through a week of a dirty bathroom or does it need to be spot-cleaned? Does anyone have an allergy that needs to be addressed with cleaning?

When you each know what the other expects, there are no surprises. When all of his t-shirts are piled up at the end of the bed, remember that you agreed to step over them.

Moving In With Your Boyfriend | Cats or Dogs?

There are cat people. There are dog people, and there are animal people. I don’t know why cat people and dog people can’t get along but, sadly, they can’t. You get together and you want to get a cute furry pet together. You’re thinking Yorkie; he’s thinking Siamese.

Discuss your pet preferences. This is an important thing to do before you get a place together anyway because if you want a dog or a cat, it will limit your options. Some places only allow dogs up to 35 or 40 pounds.

Know what you both want and if you do get a pet, who will take responsibility for what? Who’s buying food? Which one is paying the vet bills? Who’s walking and picking up Fido’s poo?

What Night Is Reserved For Date Night?

People often give up their date nights when they get married or move in together. This is a huge mistake. Just because you live together doesn’t mean you’re spending that much more time together, and the time you do spend is now spent on chores.

Set aside one night a week for a date night. This night is untouchable. You don’t schedule Zumba and he doesn’t go out with his buddies on this night. This is a technology-free night where you sit down and talk, like you did when you weren’t living together.

Issues of the house are off-limits on date night, as is arguing. This is a time to connect, share your week, make plans and just enjoy one another.

There You Have It – Your Moving in with Your Boyfriend Checklist of Questions

Please, please, do yourself a favor and get these 10 questions answered before moving in with your boyfriend. If the two of you can sit down and talk through this list, you’ll be well on your way to a successful experience.

Compromise will be necessary for both of you.

Be honest with yourself and with one another and talk things through. If an argument erupts, stop the conversation and save it for another day. Don’t do this if you can’t agree on the topics above. They will ultimately be deal breakers.

Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you'll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They're added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

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