5 Little Hints to Help Him Take Valentine’s Day Seriously

5 Little Hints to Help Him Take Valentine’s Day Seriously

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Subtly coaxing him to do what you want on this special day is ALWAYS preferable to nagging.

I know, I know, you wish your guy would just take Valentine’s Day seriously WITHOUT you having to remind him. And God help him if he forgets about it entirely…oh man, he’s in for it!

What if you could get him to take Valentine’s Day seriously without saying a word? Well, if you follow the advice in this blog, it’s definitely possible! These little tips will have him thinking about Valentine’s Day without you saying a word.

Tip #1: Ask your friends what they’re doing for Valentine’s Day over the phone and within hearing distance of your man

For even greater effect, pick up the phone, walk away into the bedroom as if you’re having a private conversation and then start a long conversation about what your friend and her boyfriend are doing. “Oh, he’s taking you out to the Ritz Carlton! All weekend? Holy cow you’re going to have a lot of fun!”

Trust me, he’ll hear this conversation, get really annoyed that you’re jealous of your friend and get to work planning something for you guys too. Unless, of course, he’s extremely lazy, in which case proceed to Tip #2.

Tip #2: “Accidentally” leave some Valentine’s Day-inspired lingerie for him to find

Tell him you’re going out shopping with friends, making sure you come home with a handful of bags from different stores. Set it all on the bed and subtly let your Victoria’s Secret bag fall to its side and inconspicuously show some of that red and white lace.

Set it up as if you just threw the bags down on the bed and one of the bags just happened to “oops” spill its contents. Let it sit there until you know he’s gone in and out of the room. Unless he is a complete idiot, he’ll make the connection to Valentine’s Day and get to work on a plan.

Tip #3: Tell him you have a surprise for him, but do not mention Valentine’s Day

The words Valentine’s Day should not come out of your mouth. Nothing about the date or anything related to it! Just say you have a surprise for him and you’re excited about it. This will either be you in your Valentine’s Day lingerie which he already saw or another gift you have in mind.

Remember, not a word about the day. If he asks you when, be coy about it and tell him soon. If he asks what the occasion is, say “no occasion” and let it slide. If he calls you out on it and mention’s Valentine’s Day, just smile and say “maybe.”

Tip #4: Play the jealousy card

No, I don’t mean go out with other guys for real. Instead, you’ll want to say you’re going out to dinner with a good friend and her friends. Don’t even specify what “her friends” means. If it’s a single friend your guy knows, even better. The goal is to get him thinking about you going out with other people. This will, in turn, get his mind churning over ways to win you over again. He’ll quickly target Valentine’s Day as the perfect time to surprise you with something awesome.

Tip #5: Keep some Valentine’s Day gift ideas up on a minimized internet window on your computer

Ideally this is a computer or tablet that he uses too. You want him to log on, open up the internet browser, and see something like “gift ideas for guys on Valentine’s Day.” If he hasn’t gotten you anything yet, he’ll feel so guilty for not doing so that he’ll buy you something the next day.

Final thoughts

Trust me, men literally shut down when a woman brings up the dreaded V-Day. It makes us feel obligated to buy some flowers and chocolates—something that we think is boring and you won’t care about anyway. But if you’re subtle about it and avoid any mention of it, you can still manage to get his manly jealousy aroused and engaged in trying to woo you. He WILL make your Valentine’s Day a special occasion.

5 Questions to Determine if Your Boyfriend is Marriage Material

5 Questions to Determine if Your Boyfriend is Marriage Material

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

You’ve been dating this guy for a year or so now and you really like him. But are you ready for a life-long commitment with this particular guy? Is your boyfriend marriage material?

You’ve found a great guy. In fact, you think you’ve found the guy to spend the rest of your life with. It’s great but you still have a few lingering doubts. Something about him is causing you to question whether or not he’s really the one. Some call the guy you date while you’re waiting for Mr. Right your meantime guy.

It’s okay to feel this way. It means you’re not blindly entering a long-term commitment without making sure everything is okay. You may have put together a list, before the two of you started dating – your criteria for the perfect guy. You’ve measured every guy you’ve met against this list and none of them quite fit the bill.

Then it hit – you found this guy and while he didn’t quite fit all of your criteria, he is still great. He still managed to sweep you off your feet. The good news is that there are a few questions you can answer that will help you figure out whether he’s your soon-to-be fiancé or your meantime guy.

Before you consider each of these questions, I need you to set aside your emotions and pull out your logical-thinker hat. Are you ready?

Is Your Boyfriend Marriage Material Question #1: How Does He React When You Mention A Future Together?

A woman will often bring up the future before a man will so chances are, you’ve brought this topic up first. How did he react? Was he willing to discuss anything like having children or whether you’d have cats or dogs? Have you discussed buying a house or condo together or moving in together someplace new?

While he might be willing to discuss these topics with you, it’s his actions that really tell the true story of his intentions. If you start talking about buying a property together and he’s on his phone to his real estate buddy, he’s definitely thinking of your future together.

If, on the other hand, he says he’ll do something but he never does, he’s not ready.

Is Your Boyfriend Marriage Material Question #2: How Does He Treat Others?

You can tell a lot about someone by how he treats others. This goes for friends and family as well as strangers. You want a guy who says please and thank you, is polite and respectful to others and treats the wait staff at restaurants politely. If he has pets, or you do, how does he treat them?

This is a great way to gauge someone’s true personality without them knowing it. I was recently somewhere with my mom and a man neither of us knew got up to hold her chair while she was sitting down. That guy is a keeper for some lucky woman!

Conversely, a guy who flies off the handle at anyone who crosses him is not someone you want to commit to. The answer you don’t want to hear is similarly.

Is Your Boyfriend Marriage Material Question #3: What’s His Work Ethic?

Is your boyfriend marriage material

It might be difficult to answer this question but you’ll get hints if you’re paying attention. A guy who spends a lot of time texting or emailing you while he’s at work doesn’t have a good work ethic. If you see him bringing things from work home and not taking them back, his work ethic stinks.

What about his motivation where his career is concerned? Men of value want to have a great career so they can support their loved ones. They’re also competitive and like to show off their stuff to their buddies. Without a good job, you can’t buy a better boat than your best friend.

He should be driven to the next promotion or step in his career. At the same time, watch out for the workaholic. This guy should be avoided.

Is Your Boyfriend Marriage Material Question #4: Do You Balance Each Other Out When Things Get Stressful?

A relationship can survive when both partners are willing to support one another during difficult times. Men struggle with difficult times of their lives. We aren’t wired to manage emotions very well. Throughout our entire life, we’re told to man up or buck up or even suck it up and deal. This does nothing to help us manage things like death and disappointment.

You have to learn how to support one another. No, he can’t handle your highly emotional moments but he should at least want to fix things. He will want to bring medicine when you’re down with the flu or help you hobble to the car if you end up on crutches. If he knows you’re having a difficult time at work, he’ll at least order take-out if he doesn’t cook.

Is Your Boyfriend Marriage Material Question #5: How Are His Listening Skills?

Guys are notorious for zoning out during long talks. It happens and is especially true the longer the relationship goes on.

Test your guy by talking to him for a few minutes about your day, then switch topics, and then go back and ask him “What was I just saying?” It’s kind of sneaky but it works! Give him the benefit of the doubt if he screws up once, but if you see it happen multiple times, he’s not paying much attention to what you’re saying.

Of course, this applies to guys who are actually looking at you and nodding their heads. If he’s watching football and you’re chatting away, he’s probably not hearing a word you’re saying. Ask yourself if that’s what you want for the rest of your life. Chances are that’s a no.

7 Things Your Boyfriend Won’t Tell You (and Will Deny if You Ask)

7 Things Your Boyfriend Won’t Tell You (and Will Deny if You Ask)

Build a Great Relationship, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Things Your Boyfriend Won’t Tell You

There are always things that both men and women are hesitant to share with their partners, things that they know will bite them in the butt if they share. There are definitely things your boyfriend won’t tell you, and while this isn’t a comprehensive list, it does hit the highlights.

Your job is not to do anything silly—like confront him on these on your next date night. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Things Your Boyfriend Won’t Tell You | Secret #1: He WILL lie about your cooking

You may think you’re an awesome cook, but that meatloaf of yours…yeah, he’d rather go to Burger King. I wouldn’t look too deep into this. If he says he likes it the first time, don’t ask him ten more times.

You’ll get the same answer and you’ll both be grumpy about it.  Give him a couple of options, and if you notice he never wants one of those options, chop it out of your dinner rotation. Problem solved.

Secret #2: He’s not going to stop watching porn (no matter how nicely you ask)

But you knew this…or at least I hope you did. Your guy loves having sex with you, but he also loves watching sex from time to time (too much, he may have a problem.)

The more you ridicule him into thinking it’s wrong, the more likely he’ll resent you. Besides, this isn’t about you. I’m sure you’re fantastic in bed. But no matter how crazy the sex, a guy is going to feel the need to get off without you from time to time.

Secret #3: He’ll never tell you that you look fat—EVER

You could be wearing a moo-moo and closing in on 400 pounds, he doesn’t dare say it, not ever. He knows that the minute he says something, you’ll go through your entire wardrobe before you two can leave the house.

things your boyfriend won't tell you

On top of that, you’ll force him to watch as you try on everything you own. If he really thinks you look better in something and says so, you probably won’t believe him – and he knows it.

Secret #4: He doesn’t feel like chit chat after sex

I think a lot of you read this and know about it, but it still doesn’t stop you from getting angry when your guy falls asleep in the middle of one of your monologues. Sorry, but our brains shut down.

We want to play a video game or turn on Netflix but the last thing we feel like doing is chatting. Don’t blame us. Blame biology.

Secret #5: Steamy sex dreams (that don’t involve you) aren’t leaving the confines of his head things your boyfriend won't tell you

He’ll never mention it…ever, especially if it has to do with an ex. Sex with other partners in a dream says nothing about his own desire for you so you shouldn’t feel threatened by it. He’s not going to call his ex up just because he had a dream about her.

Secret #6: He’ll hide the fact that he doesn’t feel like having sex with you (at the moment)

It’s easy for girls to tell their guys to bugger off if they don’t want sex. That’s pretty normal in a standard relationship. Society, however, doesn’t apply that same logic to men denying women sex.

Your guy is so nervous about saying something that he’ll probably just run with it anyway—regardless of whether he’s stressed out, tired, annoyed with you, or a whole slew of other things.

Secret #7: Yes, he’s looking at other women – and enjoying it

He’s sneaky about it, too. For every time you’ve caught him looking at another girl, he’s done it another 10 times without you noticing. When he’s hanging out with friends, it’s even worse.

Can we agree that there are other pretty women out there? He’s not going to have sex with them (if you are a catch – and you are) so don’t sweat it. And the more you get on his case about it, the more he’ll just feel nervous around you. Trust your man and understand that it’s nothing personal.

Things Your Boyfriend Won’t Tell You Final Thoughts

If you’re in a great relationship, none of these little secrets are important. He still loves you and wants to do what’s best for the relationship. I would strongly suggest you not bring these up, even if you have in the past. Give your dude some space. Trust me, he’ll appreciate it.

Christmas Gift Ideas for Your New Boyfriend – and They’re Guaranteed NOT to Creep Him Out

Christmas Gift Ideas for Your New Boyfriend – and They’re Guaranteed NOT to Creep Him Out

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Yes, you should get him something, and no, it doesn’t have to be weird. Here are a few gifts to get your new boyfriend –  and any guy would love to get them from his new GF.

You started dating this guy in what…October? November? And you like him so much that you’ve definitely got to get him something. But you walk a fine line, and if you get him something too nice, or way nicer than what he got you…well, that’s just awkward.

Lucky for you, you read this blog. And I’ve got some great ideas that your new boyfriend will love (without making you seem too head-over-heels crazy for him).

Make it a Gift You can Share Together

You’ve shared a month or two together and I’m assuming you’ve figured out you have a few common interests. So go with a gift you can both enjoy as a couple. Get a season 1 dvd of the show you’ve both been talking about. Or a gift card to a restaurant you’ve both been talking about going to. It’s okay to make it about you as a couple as long as it’s a simple, from-the-heart gift.

Bake It

This is one of my favorites because it’s simple, affordable, personal, and yes, cute. A guy will eat this stuff up (literally).  Get some heart-shaped cookie cutters, or any other pattern really, and get to work. You can spruce it up by buying a basket and putting the cookies in there along with a card. Trust me, this gift idea rocks.

A Unique Adult Beverage

I’m not talking about Jack Daniels or Johnnie Walker Red…or a 30 pack of Bud Light. You’ll want something that piques his interest without being too expensive. Nothing over the $60 range. If you’re not sure, buy something that sounds interesting, like Hebrew, the Chosen Beer.  Anything with “Reserve” on it should work for hard alcohol.

You could also get him a taster. Jameson, Glenfiddich, and Macallan have sets with small bottles featuring their whiskeys aged by a certain number of years.

Something for His Car

If he loves his car, he’ll probably love a gift for it. Those WeatherTech FloorLiners are probably on the edge in terms of how much you should spend on a new boyfriend, but there are cheaper ones around also. If he loses his keys a lot, get him a key finder. Does he have leather upholstery? He might like a leather care kit.

A New Case for His Phone

No, this doesn’t have to be a boring gift. There are some insanely cool cases that are guaranteed to be a huge hit with your new man. If you want to get some awesome case ideas, check out this Pinterest page.

Something YOU Wear

I don’t care if this is cliché, your guy will love it. When you’re exchanging gifts, just tell him that you’re wearing his. He’ll get the idea.

Final Thoughts

Just remember a few cardinal rules

  • Keep the price reasonable
  • Make it fun nothing generic like a tie
  • KISS (Keep it Simple, Stupid)

Follow these guidelines and I promise you’ll buy him something that he’ll love, without dragging any awkwardness into the holidays.

Things Women Do That Drive Men C-R-A-Z-Y!

Things Women Do That Drive Men C-R-A-Z-Y!

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

We focus a lot on what men do that drive you crazy. Today we are focusing on things women do that drive men crazy!

I get it. We drive you nuts. But, I have to say that there are also things that we men wish you would understand about how we’re wired. I put together a little (okay not so little) list of things women do that drive men crazy. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Things Women Do that Drive Men Crazy

You act coy

Women have this one nailed. You seem to want us to guess whether or not you like us and want to keep going out. Well, first of all, we graduated high school a while ago, so we’re not going to go ask Don to go talk to Linda to see if you told her that you liked us.

Just tell us, we can take it, and we’d rather know that you’re not interested up front or not so we can move on. If we like you, we show you.

You always want to know what we’re thinking

It’s like you have a crystal ball! And, I’ll admit, most of the time you are right.

Come on, you know you’ve asked your guy this “What are you thinking?” – Probably even after sex or some romantic movie or some equally high emotion moment. I’ll save you the mystery – we’re gonna say “nothing”, and we’re probably going to mean it.

Spend more time watching our actions – sometimes we just aren’t really thinking anything, but when we do something that pleases you, we are showing you that we care.

things women do that drive men crazy

Let us have “me” time

Before we met you, we had hobbies. We golfed, hunted, played soccer, or had a wood shop that we loved to retreat to, but once we started dating you, we had to stop doing those things that make us who we are.

Let us keep playing golf, go hunting with our buddies, or whatever other hobbies we have and we will be better able to give you the time and attention you want.

You have double standards

This goes along with the next one (You see us as projects). You know the drill – we’re going to go out on a date, we ask you what you want to do, and you say…..come on, you know what you say! “I don’t care, you pick.”

So, after some verbal wrangling, we finally pick the latest sci-fi movie. Later, you make it clear that you didn’t enjoy one moment of that movie and you didn’t want to see it. THEN TELL US BEFORE WE GO! If you ask us to pick, then you should be happy with the result.

If you really wanted to pick the movie all along, then say so. We can sit through another Brad Pitt movie if it makes you happy.

You see us as projects that need fixing – “if he could only…”

I know you don’t believe this, but we got along quite nicely before you came along. We’re not perfect, but we’ve settled into our imperfections and we get by. We probably even know what those imperfections are.

If we want to change, we will, and we might, if we see that there is a good reason. You forcing us to do so will create resentment, and we will probably slingshot right back into our old, comfortable habits anyway.

We aren’t men out of a hot steamy romance novel

We are not that hot hunk with an airbrushed six-pack set of abs on the cover of the latest romance novel. We don’t know just how to please you or when to say the right things and we will probably struggle to remember your birthday. Let us be real men with our own romantic gestures. We’ve got ‘em!

Stay focused more in the here and now

Men don’t like to focus too far into the future, but women are always looking at the next landmark – getting engaged, getting married, etc. Enjoy the here and now with us and the future will take care of itself.

Keep your emotions in check

We get derailed by tears – if we continue to try to push our side, we’re being a bully, if we cave in to the emotions, we are being weak. If we need to talk to you about something, we need you to stay with the conversation and not manipulate us with tears.

Be a little less critical

For some reason, women tend to be critical creatures, while men tend to want to watch sports and basically be left alone. If you want to criticize, call your girlfriends and have at it, but we’re just not interested.

We like to hear compliments too

things women do that drive men crazy

“Honey, that suit makes you look very professional” or “boy I love those jeans on you” goes a long way with us, just like it does with you. We like to hear compliments, and we aren’t always so sure of ourselves, just like you. Don’t forget to let us know you think we’re hot.

We are brutally honest when we care

We’re not going to blow smoke up your skirt unless we really don’t give a hoot. If we’re being painfully honest, we really do care about you and want to talk about it. You might not like our directness, but that’s how we’re wired. Please keep in mind to keep your emotions in check from above too!

We like you because you’re women

We like that you smell nice and like to look pretty. Don’t let the feminist movement take all of the female out of you. Sure, if we’re out on a hike or taking a bike ride, we don’t expect you to be all frilly and prim, but don’t be afraid to smell and look like a woman sometimes too!

Take charge in the bedroom

We really want to please you, but we’re not likely to ask how, so you have to tell us…we’re waiting for you to guide us. It doesn’t matter how old we are, each woman is different and what has worked before might drive you crazy, and we might be leaving out something that you really, really like. TELL US!

Give us credit when we deserve it

You women tend to hang onto every little mistake we make and forget to acknowledge the big things we do – after all, we fixed your washing machine last weekend, was not putting the lid on the toothpaste that big of a deal?

Fact or Fiction: Men Enjoy Showing Emotions as Much as Women Do

Fact or Fiction: Men Enjoy Showing Emotions as Much as Women Do

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Male Emotions vs Female Emotions

From a woman’s perspective, finding a man who will show his emotions is about as likely as catching Big Foot. But there’s more than one way to understand male emotions vs female emotions.

We’re all well acquainted with the stereotypes of men and women. Women are too emotional, men aren’t emotional enough. Confusion ensues, miscommunications happen, hearts get broken. You know the drill.

But is it really as simple as that? Do the stereotypes hold any weight in our interaction with the opposite sex? And more importantly, as the title of this blog suggests, are men really that uninterested in showing their emotions?

Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: your man isn’t going to show emotions the same way you do, period. This is scientifically IMPOSSIBLE—so for the love of God, stop expecting the guy you’re dating to weep outright whenever you’re watching My Sister’s Keeper.

Women have a more active right brain (emotional side) and men have a far more active left brain (logical side).

Furthermore, a woman’s corpus callosum, the central pathway between the left and right brain, is bigger in women than it is in men.

This lets women express themselves with both sides of the brain, while men are often decidedly in the logic camp at all times.

It also makes women much better multitaskers. If you’ve ever been frustrated that your guy can’t talk to you while he’s dutifully cooking an egg, you now have scientific proof that he’s not ignoring you on purpose.

The truth is ladies, guys do indeed have feelings, but they won’t show those feelings the same way you do.

They may even show completely different emotions than the ones you’re feeling. Maybe something that gets you sad will get him angry.

Male Emotions vs Female Emotions

As long as his anger isn’t destructive, then it should be just as acceptable an emotion as your sadness.

At the same time, our society is still focused on the stalwart, silently heroic man. This isn’t your man’s fault—it’s Tom Cruise’s fault for putting out so many bad macho man movies.

It’s also due to a very ingrained family pattern, where the men of the household feel obligated to keep their emotions to themselves during tough times. If things are bad, a show of emotion isn’t very useful.

Remaining “strong” (hence, emotionless) for the family is token manliness, and it persists to this day in most societies around the world.

Lastly, all guys are different, with different backgrounds and different brains. Some show as much emotion as a rock, while others will share your Kleenex box during romantic movies.

You’ll be hard pressed to understand just what kind of man he is until you get to know him better. And remember: if you’re getting frustrated that he’s not responding the way you’d like him to, there are many other factors involved than just “he doesn’t feel like showing his emotions to you.”

In fact, he may be showing those emotions in different ways (like buying you flowers or a gift) instead of showing them to you with deep, doe-eyed looks of devotion and love.

My team here at Who Holds the Cards Now would love to hear your thoughts!

What Who You Date Says About You – Part 3

What Who You Date Says About You – Part 3

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Attract the Right Guy!

We have spent the last couple of weeks in “What Who You Date Says About You” talking about a variety of different personality types that men and women have and how they impact a relationship. Today, I want to focus on talking about how you can begin to attract the right guy.

If you’ve read any of my books, you know that I am all about giving the power in a relationship to the woman. In Who Holds the Cards Now, this is the central theme! What happens, though, if you’re not really in the right place to take that power? How can you get there?

The answer isn’t as tough as you might think. First of all, you should identify the type of guy you typically date, using Part 1 and Part 2. You may have dated more than one of those types in the past, but look at the “If You Think This is You” section under those different types.

Want to Understand the Different Types of Men and How to Date Them?

I had some fun writing Manimals because I got to describe different types of men, whether they’re datable or not and how to date them when they are. Because that didn’t seem like enough, I then profiled several types of women and paired them up. Now, you can identify which type of woman you are and learn which type of man might be the best fit for you!

In addition to these different types of men and women, the second half of the book contains:

  • Explanations on why you are dating the wrong type of guy now
  • An in-depth study of what I like to call the Relationship Train To Failure
  • 15 things every woman needs to know about men
  • My best-ever discussion on what challenge and mystery are, why they’re important and how to use both to your advantage!

That should help you begin to identify the areas you need to work on. Many times, it’s self-esteem, and that is definitely going to be part of building the new you, but you also need to dig deeper and understand yourself.

I want you to attract the right guy! I want you to have your pick of the litter – as long as you’re not picking wet kittens! Choose from the lion cubs instead! You’re asking – HOW?

Look at your life today. Are things in order? Where are you financially? Are you able to support yourself or are you taking help from Mom and Dad? You will need to get your financial house in order before you bring a guy into the fold.

What have you done so far in your life? Do you have great experiences to share? Even if you don’t have a lot of money, you can have great experiences – and I’m not talking about partying either! I mean real life experiences – the things that change you, even if it’s just a little bit.

This could be college, a trip to someplace new and kind of far away, learning a new skill or hobby, or even doing something a little off the wall like sky-diving.

Who do you look up to? Who do you go to for advice? Is there someone special in your life that you depend on for guidance and advice? If there is nobody, then it’s time you found someone.

A mentor is a highly valuable resource. This person is the person you can count on to tell you the truth, not like your friends, who tell you what they think you want to hear.

Looking back through your life can be a lot of fun, or it can be a real drag. If it’s a drag, then you definitely need to do some work. Even if it is a fun exercise, you can still learn something from it.

My best selling book, To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself will give you more in-depth information on looking at these areas of your life, and more. It will give you a guide to follow to gain a better understanding of yourself and to begin attracting high value men, instead of those we have talked about over the last two weeks.

Part 1 What Who You Date Says About You

Part 2 What Who You Date Says About You

Are you ready to attract the right guy?

Buzzkill: What to Do If the Guy You’re Dating Doesn’t Drink

Buzzkill: What to Do If the Guy You’re Dating Doesn’t Drink

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

What to Do if the Guy You’re Dating Doesn’t Drink

Can you date someone who doesn’t drink? Most women I know aren’t interested in dating boring prudes that shy away from a good time. But just because he doesn’t drink doesn’t mean he’s a huge bore. Dating a non drinker can actually be good thing.

You’re all aware of, and on the lookout for, the dreaded guy who drinks too much. This guy could be a loser. Getting into a serious relationship with someone like that is always a bad call. But what about the guy who drinks too little…or even not at all?

Is there something wrong with him? Will he go to bars and clubs with you? Is he even capable of having fun or does he just leech it out of the room? What if you both go out with your friends and he’s standing in a corner drinking a club soda and lime, looking like an abject loser?

And the most pressing question of all: when I get drunk…is he judging me?

Can You Date Someone who Doesn’t Drink?

We all feel uncomfortable when someone we know—a friend, a significant other, the poor bastard that drew the short straw and has to be the designated driver for the night—isn’t drinking up a storm with everyone else in the room.

It’s not just about whether they’re having fun, it’s about whether they think you’re an idiot for just having danced to Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie on the dining room table.

And when this person is a boyfriend, well, you’re that much more aware of what he thinks, and that magnifies how weird you feel about the whole situation.

dating a non drinker It’s likely you found this out quickly, within the first date or two. Either he didn’t order a drink after you did (awkward) or he outright told you he doesn’t imbibe, like, at all. The first step is to figure out whether or not you can live with his reasoning.

You may completely understand where he’s coming from if he grew up in a broken home with a violent drunken step-dad. Or that he has a family history of alcohol addiction. You may not get it if he says his religious beliefs forbid him even taste the stuff.

If the guy made a change to his life because of something you understand, don’t write him off.

Dating a Non Drinker?

The next step is to see how he acts around drunken people, both in a crowd and even when it’s just you. Invite him to a bar with you and do your thing (aka drink like you normally would).

Watch how he acts through the night. Important: don’t listen to the voice in your head saying “oh, he’s not having fun because he’s not drunk.”

Instead, ask yourself whether you’re having fun with him. If he’s cool and he’s making you laugh, why does it even matter? If he isn’t having fun, I guarantee you’ll get the hint. You’ll be bored, which 99% of the time means he’s bored, too.

Lastly, if he’s acting normal at a bar and not bashing people just because they’re hammered, then he’s a keeper. Even if he says he’s uncomfortable around people at bars, that doesn’t mean he’s uncomfortable around you after having a couple glasses of wine.

He may find drunk men to be threatening but you just look cute to him. In order to find out, you have to test the waters, and that means withholding judgment until you know for sure.

Have You Ever Been in This Situation?

Tell me your experiences with men who don’t drink. Were you confident around him? How did it work out for you? Can you date someone who doesn’t drink?

What Does Who You Date Say About You? Part 1

What Does Who You Date Say About You? Part 1

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

You Are Who You Date

We all get caught in ruts in life – we find ourselves eating the same foods, wearing the same clothes, hanging out in the same bars, and dating the same type of people. You reinforced this in your comments of my last few blog posts and I thought maybe we needed to dig a little deeper to see what this “same” personality type says about you.

Generally speaking, we attract the type of person who exhibits the traits in us that most need fixing. You are who you date. Having said that, we also all probably carry around small pieces of each of these traits – it’s just when they begin to overwhelm your life that they become harmful. What does who you date say about you? Let’s find out.

Mr. Pour-On-The-Charm

I begin with this guy because he has particular appeal to many women. This guy practically charms the pants right off of you with his smooth-talking, perfectly groomed, highly successful persona. At first blush, this guy is G-R-E-A-T, but when you peel back the layers, he’s condescending, demanding, self-centered and egotistical.

And You…

If you are attracted to this type of guy, you may carry the very same characteristics. While it seems as if the person with this type of personality trait is confident, the opposite is actually true – you are lacking confidence.

If You Think This Shoe Fits

If you think this describes you, rest assured there is hope! Probably the best thing you can do is to learn how to listen. Narcissistic people tend to dominate the conversation.

Rather than initiating a conversation, then immediately starting to drum up your response, just listen and really ‘hear’ what the other person is saying. When it is your turn to talk, rather than come up with your ‘better’ story, respond to theirs with empathy.

Want to understand the different types of men and how to date them?

I had some fun writing Manimals because I got to describe different types of men, whether they’re datable or not and how to date them when they are. Because that didn’t seem like enough, I then profiled several types of women and paired them up. Now, you can identify which type of woman you are and learn which type of man might be the best fit for you!

In addition to these different types of men and women, the second half of the book contains:

  • Explanations on why you are dating the wrong type of guy now
  • An in-depth study of what I like to call the Relationship Train To Failure
  • 15 things every woman needs to know about men
  • My best-ever discussion on what challenge and mystery are, why they’re important and how to use both to your advantage!

Mr. Indecision

You know this guy – he can’t make a decision to save his life. He is full of excuses – “I couldn’t call you last night because I had to [insert lame excuse] instead.”

This type of guy is dwelling on the past – whether it’s your past history together, a negative in his past, or maybe one in yours that you have shared. Finally, this guy won’t commit. His standard mantra is “I’m not looking for anything serious right now”. He likes you but…not right now, not ever.

And You…

A woman who attracts this type of man probably feels she doesn’t deserve anything better. It is likely that someone in your past has disappointed you in a big way and you have not moved past it. You may even have been a victim of abuse or neglect.

If You Think This Is You

You need to begin telling yourself that you do deserve a good life and a good guy. You need to build your confidence and learn to forgive your past and everyone in it who may have hurt you. My book, Comfortable In Your Own Shoes can help you develop a new mantra and start a journey to a more confident you.

Mr. Diamond in the Rough

This guy is the one you think you can ‘fix’. He has flaws and you see them, plain as day, but you’re convinced that you are the woman who can turn him around. You’re gonna make him your project! He probably feels, and maybe even says that he doesn’t deserve you.

And You…

If this is your type of guy, then you are probably in the habit of making excuses for others – “He didn’t mean to skip dinner with my parents – he must have gotten caught up at work”.

If You Think This Is You

Look back through your past to see what mistake you are still trying to fix. Your need to overcompensate is rooted there. By fixing someone else, you feel that you are really fixing your past. Well, now it’s time to get to it – fix your past. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and move on. Fixing someone else will never repair your own soul.

Parts 2 and 3

Next week, in part 2, we’ll go over a few more personality traits that get in the way of successful relationships. Our last conversation on this topic will focus on the best methods for you to begin attracting the right guy – through understanding yourself and working to fix these traits in you.

Do You See Yourself Here?

Do any of these ring a bell with you?

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