Conversation Starters for a First Date

Conversation Starters for a First Date

Conversation starters for a first date can be a real challenge, but today, Pauline Plott has a few to share. Pauline is a London-based blogger on DatingSpot, and her bio is at the end of the article.

There you are, sitting down for dinner with a person you hardly know. You exchange pleasantries, talk about the pasta, and then it hits you…

SILENCE.

You’re thinking, “This is not good.” 

Suddenly you’re so tongue-tied that you have nothing to do but look down at your food. “Make it end!” you beg internally.

We’ve all experienced it before, but part of being prepared for a date is coming up with a list of conversation ideas that ensures you’re never caught bereft of speech.

Let’s explore some of my favorite conversation ideas for a first date. They are guaranteed to inspire, compel, and even build rapport. But first, let’s go over some discussion basics…

Conversation Starters for a First Date | Listen More Than You Speak

The point of a first date is to get to know the person you’re with. It’s pretty hard to do that if you don’t allow them to do so. Listening more than speaking is a good rule to abide by, but it is essential on a first date.

You’ll enjoy a reasonably even exchange if you both follow this rule. A good indicator of a relationship “clicking” is the ability to volley a conversation back and forth like a ping pong match.

Be Genuinely Interested

No matter how your first date goes, it’s essential to give it your best effort. Part of this can be achieved by showing genuine interest. Even if your date is not the most exciting person in the world, you should still take advantage of this unique opportunity to learn about this person’s unique perspective.

You may find that your concerted effort to act interested makes you curious.

Avoid Taboo Subjects

There are specific topics you should always avoid on a first date. Many of these are apparent, but I have been on innumerable dates where these topics have come up. More often than not, when these issues come up, it is ‘one and done’ for me:

  1. Past relationships
  2. Money and how you spend it
  3. Intimate or sexual details
  4. Marriage plans
  5. Politics

First dates are meant to be lighthearted and fun. Mixing in this kind of discussion makes it neither of those. Of course, that leaves plenty of topics that you CAN broach.

Here are just a few…

conversation starters for a first date

Conversation Starters for a First Date

After reviewing the basics, how about some great conversation starters for a first date? Feel free to expand on these and even come up with some related to things you discussed during the online dating process. Of course, you should prepare your responses to these questions too. Inevitably, your date will say, “And what about you?”

1. Who has been the most significant influence on your life?

This question is pretty typical and seemingly innocuous, but it says a lot about who a person is and what they want to be. If your date talks about a family member, they probably come from a healthy and loving home. If they choose to talk about a famous figure, they have a passion for things outside their world.

2. Where is your favorite location on earth?

This is a good question for learning about where someone has been and can lead to a much deeper discussion about travel. You can also use this response for the planning of dates later on. For example, if your date says their favorite location is Niagara Falls, you can take them on a picnic to a local waterfall.

3. Conversation Starters for a First Date | What is your favorite movie ever?

As far as conversation starters for a first date go, asking about movies and pop culture is a great way to connect with someone. It’s so pervasive that everyone has something to say about movies, TV shows, and celebrities. Once again, the answer to this question can lead you down a conversational path that is rich, interesting, and capable of creating some friendly side discussions.

4. What is your biggest goal?

Similar to question one, the answer to this question can tell you a lot about a person. Goals are an indication of drive, and people who can immediately identify their most important goals are often those who don’t need to go on dates to begin considering the matter.

5. What do you hate most about dating?

Nothing brings people together better than a mutual dislike of something. Dating isn’t always fun, and everyone has something to say about the matter. Talking about your frustrations together is a surprisingly good icebreaker.

6. What should I know about you that I wouldn’t think of asking?

This final question is my favorite and is another of the best conversation starters for a first date! The things someone chooses to voluntarily reveal about themselves that may be quirky can say a lot about them. Like all of the other questions on this list, it can also lead to even more interesting and unexpected questions that result, ideally, in both you and your date having a fantastic night.

These Conversation Starters for a First Date Should Get the Ball Rolling

As you may have noticed, one commonality these all share is that they are not ‘yes or no’ questions and require a little thought. Each can tell you a lot about a person, their expectations, and their dreams.

You may find that you connect with many of the answers and perhaps do not.

I recommend a second date if you think it’s worth continuing to suss things out.

There are 100 more things to discuss with a potential new boyfriend HERE!

About the Author

Pauline Plott is a London-based blogger who became a dating guru after learning the psychology behind modern romance and signing up for every dating website in pursuit of relationship bliss. She shares her reviews and opinions on DatingSpot.

effective communication

Communication is everything in all of your relationships, personal or professional. Learn the best communication skills right here – how to listen, how to talk to people with different communication styles, and most importantly, how to get what you want from a conversation while giving the other person what they want too. Get your copy today!

Date With Your Head And Not Your Heart!

Date With Your Head And Not Your Heart!

What does it mean to date with your head and not your heart? Dating is a tricky business, and it can be challenging to find a great guy. But your chances are hampered if you date with your heart and not your head. It’s Kirbie today, talking to you about dating with your head and not your heart.

Date Confidently, Not Desperately

You know you’re dating with your head and not your heart when you stop feeling desperate to find a man.

Meet Christi. Christi has experienced many changes in her life over the past three years. First, her husband announced he was gay and wanted a divorce. Next, Christi got into the dating scene too soon after her husband’s announcement and found herself a dangerous stalker.

To protect herself and her three children, they moved back in with her soon-to-be ex. During these changes, Christi also broke free from a conservative religious background into something more mainstream.

She was like a rock fired from a slingshot, racing forward with little guidance. Christi is a very beautiful woman who found her photography gift was her way to financial success. Armed with a camera but little confidence, Christi forged on.

She met men online and dated many of them immediately. Finally, at church, she found a man she decided was the one. Did I mention Christi is thirty-four and her fiancé is twenty-four? Yes, they’re engaged after dating for just two months.

Christi is dating from a place of desperation and fear, and I know this from speaking to her. She’s a good friend of one of my daughters, who is now shaking her head in disbelief at the engagement.

Most people in Christi’s life believe she’s making a huge mistake. It’s nothing against the man she’s engaged to but more about the speed at which things are moving. It doesn’t say much about either of them that things are moving so fast.

Then again, we draw people to us who are most like us, so this isn’t a surprise. I fear their union has little hope of long-term success.

Slow Your Roll

What’s the hurry in dating? And don’t tell me your biological clock is ticking. I understand time isn’t on your side if you’re in your thirties. But worse than navigating a high-risk pregnancy after thirty-five is raising children alone because you made a mistake in choosing a mate.

I know. I did it with four kids.

Men and women view dating differently. Men date to have fun first. After they get to know you, they date to chase and for challenge and mystery.

Women date to find a husband.

Slow down and date to have fun. Dating isn’t about a path to marriage, as many women believe. It’s about getting to know someone to see if you fit. Yes, marriage might be the end goal, but you can’t look at a new guy that way on the first date.

Plan fun dates instead of a dinner date. Go bowling or hiking. Take a walk around a quaint downtown nearby. Go rollerblading or find a fun venue with live music. Do different things to learn more about one another.

Not only are these fun dates, but they’re opportunities to build memories together, and that’s key if things get rocky. Sharing wonderful memories is how you build intimacy.

Set aside thoughts of marriage until this guy proves he’s worthy of you.

Is he a keeper? 4 Test Dates to Find Out

What Attracts a Man to a Woman?

date with your head and not your heart

Forget Milestones

When you date with your head and not your heart, you also set aside milestones. You know what I’m talking about.

He held my hand. Milestone.

OMG, he kissed me! Milestone.

He invited me to meet his mother. Milestone.

We’re taking a weekend trip together. Milestone.

Just stop. While these mean something to you, guys are clueless about milestones. He held your hand because he felt like it. Most likely, he kissed you probably out of impulse, not because he wants to marry you.

He invited you to meet his mother because he wanted to spend time with both of you and didn’t know how else to do it.

A weekend trip together doesn’t mean he’s ready to get married, although this might be a sign he’s interested long-term.

Even Gregg got caught off-guard by a woman who was tallying milestones; then, he was disappointed to learn he had to let her down. He was being nice. She was tallying milestones.

Guys don’t understand the markers you have in place to signal deepening interest. As I said before, they date for fun.

Date With Your Head and Not Your Heart | Don’t Have Sex Too Soon

Women with low confidence often have sex too soon in a relationship. We’ve all been there. Right after my divorce, I’m ashamed to say I fell into this trap myself.

When we divorced thirty years ago, I had low confidence. I had low confidence when we married. We were high school sweethearts who began dating between our sophomore and junior years.

Looking back, it’s hard to say it was a mistake because I now have four children and eight beautiful grandchildren. You can’t call that a mistake, but I made many mistakes.

I was raised by a woman whose confidence is still low, so I didn’t have much of a shot of having high confidence myself.

When your confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth are low, you don’t understand your value in a relationship. I didn’t know that having sex too soon in a relationship indicates that you’re dating a schmuck. Any worthwhile guy won’t expect this of you.

I’m not saying men don’t want to have sex with you, but a confident man won’t push you into having sex too soon.

Of course, to be dating a confident man, you must have confidence, which brings us back to having sex too soon.

Men can sniff out confidence. It’s in your body language. Confident men see a low-confidence woman and won’t approach her. Players and losers see a woman with low confidence, and they swoop in for the kill.

If you’re wondering why you keep attracting these types of men, that’s why.

Sex is not how you keep a guy. It’s how you lose one of any value. Set a boundary and ensure a guy is worthy of you before letting him have sex.

Date with your head and not your heart, and you’ll lose the players.

date with your head and not your heart

Date With Your Head Not Your Heart | Write Your Story

Some of your story is written, but there’s more to write. Make it an adventure story! Those are fun to live and experience.

Your story is a collection of your experiences. What occurred in your life to make you who you are today? That’s your story. There are great chapters and yucky chapters in any story. Nobody has a 100% good story.

You choose how to write the remainder of your story. At first, a man is intrigued by you because you’re new and he knows nothing about you. He wants to have fun and explore. He wants to learn about you, slowly.

After a few dates, he needs more. No, I’m not talking about sex. He needs to be challenged. You need to become mysterious again.

Do that by continuing to add chapters to your story. They don’t have to be glorious adventures, just adventures. For example, try a new hairstyle or color. Take up a new hobby or pursue an old one.

Set some goals and go after them. What do you want to achieve in your life? Do you want a promotion? Do you want to own your own business? Would you like to travel? Figure that out and then decide how to make it happen.

Not only does this enrich your life, but it shows the man you’re interested in that you seek personal growth. It tells him you’re not likely to dote on and smother him. It also tells him you value yourself.

But writing your adventure story does one other thing. It helps you build more confidence. Each time you challenge yourself, you build more confidence and become mysterious to him. He wonders what you’ll do next. Now, you’ve started to date with your head and not your heart.

Understand Men

Much of what you find on this website ultimately boils down to two topics. First is understanding men, and right behind it is helping you build more confidence.

Without a doubt, these are the two most important topics to any woman who is either in a relationship or seeking one.

Do you want to find a great guy? Build or rebuild your confidence.

Would you like to learn how to keep your great guy? Build or rebuild your confidence.

Do you want your ex back? Rebuild your confidence.

Understanding men is always an undercurrent because men and women are so different. We communicate differently. We love differently. Men and women view important things differently.

Until I started working for Gregg, nearly ten years ago, I didn’t get any of this. My confidence needed some work, and I was clueless about men.

Today, my confidence is much higher, and I have a greater understanding of how the male mind works.

As you consider your next dating move, I encourage you to click the links in this article and read the books I’ve added at the bottom. I don’t get anything for encouraging you to do either, other than knowing I’ve pointed you in a good direction.

Gregg is genuinely passionate about helping women. I hear it in his voice every time we speak, and it’s evident in his videos. He wants to help you enjoy an excellent relationship with a great guy! That’s my hope for you as well!

Go forth and have fun! Date with your head and not your heart!

Do you have your Night Moves down? Are you ready to go out and get a guy to fall for you, using science and not trickery? If so, this is the book for you! I’ve done the research, and you get to benefit. Here are the steps you can take, whether you’re headed out on a first date or going out with your friends to look for men. The science behind attraction is just a few clicks away!

Here are just a couple of things you’ll learn inside this best-seller:

  • Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction…learn why inside
  • Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal…but what signal? Learn inside the book
  • You can get a guy to feel like he’s falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

These Things are Killing Your Chances of Meeting a Man!

These Things are Killing Your Chances of Meeting a Man!

The task of meeting a man can feel overwhelming if you feel like you’ve been there and done that time and time again. If that’s how you feel, I have some good news for you today! Chances are excellent that there’s a good man out there just waiting for you to come into his life, but there are a few things you might want to change first.

Understand That Meeting a Man Takes Time

This is where television, romance novels, and movies don’t do love a service. Your great guy isn’t just going to show up with a glass slipper that fits only you. He’s not going to bump into you at the airport and sweep you off your feet or swoop in to rescue you from your evil mother.

Meeting a man takes time and energy. Women write to me often telling me they can’t find a guy. When I ask them how much time they put into it during an average week, I often get an answer like “Ohh, I go out with my friends on Saturday nights.”

Two or three hours a week isn’t going to help you find a great guy, especially if you’re huddled around your friends the entire time you’re out.

There are opportunities to meet great men everywhere, you just aren’t looking. When you go to church, sit next to a single guy. Join Meetup groups of people with similar interests to yours. Volunteer for causes that are important to you.

If you’re comfortable with it, you can try online dating. I have two great resources to help you with that here and here.

Change Your False Beliefs about Dating

Whether you realize it or not, you have a dating attitude and there’s a chance that if you’re having trouble meeting a man, it might not be the right attitude.

There are No Good Men Left

Women say this all the time and while it might feel like this is the case, the truth is that there are great men everywhere. Sure, the older you get, the smaller the potential pool of great men, but there are great men available.

The problem with this attitude, other than preventing you from seriously looking, is that men can smell it a mile away. When you think this way, what you’re thinking is that all the available men are bad.

This type of belief allows you to limit your belief in the possibilities that exist around you. You have a jaded view of every man you see, suspect of his intentions.

There are other ways women express this attitude:

  • All men are jerks
  • Men cheat
  • All men are liars
  • Men act like babies
  • Even a good man will let you down eventually
  • All the good men are taken
  • The men available now are all losers

If you date a guy, you’ll automatically dismiss him as having one of those flaws without really giving yourself time to get to know him.

Often, what’s really at play is a fear of rejection or abandonment. Instead of giving another man time to reject you, you reject him.

meeting a man

He’s Not Perfect, I’ll Pass

When you see a guy you like, you suddenly find his flaws. He’s too tall, too short, his hair is too gray, he’s too fat, too thin, you suddenly don’t like men with mustaches and his choice of music is lacking.

The real problem with these reasons for rejection is that they aren’t fundamental to a great relationship. They’re superficial and you’re using them as excuses to protect your heart.

The next time you’re checking out a potential suitor, look for things that speak to his character and values. This means spending a little time getting to know him instead of immediately rejecting him.

Meeting a Man | Commitment = Abandonment

People control their heartbreak by ending relationships too early. For some, a belief that all relationships will ultimately end forces a decision to break things off, especially if you’re traveling down a road that leads to more commitment.

Most likely, you’ve experienced more than one relationship that ended with your heartbreak. What you want is for just one guy to break through the walls you’ve erected and claim you as his. Of course, he missed this cue and retreats, following your lead and creating the very thing you fear – abandonment and rejection.

Something is Wrong with Me

With this mindset, you believe you’ll never find love because you’re flawed. Your self-talk goes something like this:

  • I’m too fat
  • I’m unlovable
  • My instincts can’t be trusted
  • I’m too old
  • I’m too successful
  • Men don’t find me attractive
  • I have nothing to offer a man
  • I don’t know what’s wrong with me
  • My kids will get in the way

You may use self-deprecating statements to drive a guy away or hide part of your past to create a reason to later bold from the relationship.

Women who believe these types of thoughts often either can’t relax, be real or truthful with a man, or they over-give as a way of gaining his love.

In this case, improving your self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth will help you move past these negative beliefs. You can read more on that here.

You’re Going After the Wrong Type of Guy

You’ve dated the same guy over and over. All the men you date have similar looks, careers, or other traits. You might not even recognize it but it’s probably true.

The best way to determine what type of man is right for you is to tiptoe back through the men you’ve dated and look at their traits.

Get yourself a few sheets of paper, one for each guy, and make two columns, one for positive traits and one for negative traits. For each guy, write traits in each column. After you’ve gathered this first layer of data, go back through your sheets and make a list of all the positive traits, then all the negative traits.

Rank these traits by how important they are to you. They’re either important to have in a guy or things you want to avoid.

The guy who’s right for you has some positive traits and some negative traits. Be sure to choose men who have the important positive traits and lack the negative traits that you ranked as those to avoid.

If you choose online dating as an option for meeting a man, you can use this as a way to weed out the men who reach out.

True Love Doesn’t Really Exist

A great defense mechanism is to claim you believe true love doesn’t exist. By believing this, you’re creating a cynical and hopeless viewpoint about healthy relationships. It’s a great way to absolve yourself from taking the risk to find love.

This also sometimes comes across like this:

  • All men really just want to use women then spit them out and go after another
  • Needy people stay in relationships
  • Relationships are business deals where everyone gets what they want and then leaves
  • Lasting love only exists in the movies
  • People who claim they’re happy have really just settled
  • Those who claim to be in loving relationships have just compromised for the sake of the kids
  • The best I can hope for is a guy who…

Regardless of how much attention and caring a man shows you, you silently wonder what he really wants from you. It can’t be that he loves you for you because you aren’t good enough.

meeting a man

Meeting a Man | Love is Hard

The first thing I’ll say here is that yes, true love takes work, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

Your real fear is getting too close to someone, only to have them hurt you or you fear you’ll hurt them. You might have suffered physical or verbal abuse in your past and the result was the type of pain you’re trying to avoid now.

Other statements that fit the love is hard theme include:

  • Love is too painful
  • The price you pay to love someone is too high
  • I’ll never find or get what I really want
  • I’ve seen people who are supposedly happy end up miserable and alone
  • Love = suffering
  • Breakups cause too much damage and you can’t recover
  • People in a relationship bring out the worst in one another
  • Relationships can be angry and explosive

This isn’t the Relationship

When you think this way, you believe that the relationship you’re in isn’t the relationship for you. You have a fantasy of what the ideal relationship looks like and this relationship doesn’t fit that fantasy.

You say things like:

  • He’s not the perfect guy for me
  • This doesn’t match my fantasy
  • This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be
  • He’s not my soulmate
  • He’s not my type
  • This guy isn’t good enough
  • There isn’t enough chemistry
  • We aren’t a good match
  • We want different things
  • I won’t settle for anything less than perfect
  • This isn’t what I expected love to look like

Set aside your fantasy and look at this guy from a different lens. Do your values match? How great is your chemistry? Do you want the same things?

Somewhere deep inside, you know that perfect doesn’t exist, so looking for it is just a way to again protect your heart. We’ve already talked about how there’s no perfect guy, but they’re also no perfect relationship.

Every relationship requires you to compromise and make sacrifices. In a good relationship, you’re equally willing to make those compromises and sacrifices for the good of the relationship.

Someone Has to Give Up Who They Are in a Relationship

When you hold onto this line of belief, you’re really afraid of either being smothered or smothering someone else. You fear creating what is called a co-dependent relationship where one partner completely takes over the needs and wants of the other.

This type of relationship leads you to believe that you can’t express your true wants and needs. You spend less and less time with your friends and slowly become less independent instead of doting on your relationship and your boyfriend.

Codependent relationships never work in the long haul.

You may also say to yourself:

  • I can’t be the real me in a relationship
  • It’s up to me to do all the work to keep this relationship going
  • I’m losing my identity in this relationship
  • I’m powerless in the relationship
  • He needs to be the man I want him to be
  • I need to avoid conflict
  • I need to sacrifice my needs instead of his

Adjust Your Mindset Before Meeting a Man

Stop Hating Your Single Life

Being single carries an unfortunate stigma that many people try to avoid. Back before women worked and were able to financially support themselves, a single woman was seen as a burden to society and one who was unworthy of love.

That spinster mentality died with feminism, fortunately, but the stigma of being single still lingers. Your mother, your aunt, and even your friends ask why you can’t find a good man. You hate being single because all your friends are dating great guys and you have nobody to do stuff with.

The problem with this is that you date from a position of desperation. You’ll date any guy just to prove you’re worthy and to stop the comments from friends and family. This is a horrible way to approach meeting a man.

Additionally, you come across as needy and confident men will avoid women who put off this vibe.

In this situation, you go all in and don’t give your guy a chance to chase you or be your hero. This makes the relationship boring for him and you.

meeting a man

End the Belief that a Man Will Make You Happy

Happiness doesn’t come and go with the men in your life. Oh, I know you’re sad when a guy leaves and you feel a higher level of happiness when you’re in a relationship, but that’s a false correlation.

We often get this one backward. People believe that to be happy, they must be in a relationship when in reality, to be in a fulfilling relationship, you must be happy first with the life you already have.

Looking for happiness in a relationship as the only source will always disappoint you in the long run because a relationship isn’t the fix for unhappiness.

When you’re happy with your life as a single woman, men are drawn to you and want to be part of your world. It’s like a big magnet for men.

Your Biological Clock is Ticking or Wanting Parental Support

Okay, so on some level, this might be true, but using this as a reason to seek a man is going about it in the wrong way. While you may be getting older, using this mindset puts you back into the position of desperation.

Do you know who seeks out desperate women? Players and losers, that’s who. Great men steer clear of desperate women.

The other part of this equation is if you have kids and you think they need a father figure. Again, you’re coming at this from a position of desperation. You can argue otherwise, but wanting someone to co-parent with you is not a good reason to find a guy. Meeting a man should be about finding someone to build a mutually supportive relationship with.

No guy wants to be in a relationship with you strictly to parent your kids. Looking for men who will make good fathers might be one thing to consider, but it shouldn’t be the only thing you look at.

Instead of wanting to find a father for your current or future children, step back and look for a guy who’s right for you. The rest will come. Be patient. By forcing the biological clock thing, you’re delaying things, not speeding them up and if you do find a guy with this mindset, the odds of long-term success aren’t in your favor.

You speed up the process of getting to the discussion about kids.

The process of getting to know one another takes time. Forcing the timeline will scare many men off.

Meeting a Man When You’re Too Independent

There’s a difference between being independent and being bossy. Men are attracted to independent women, but not when they use that independence to ramrod your agenda down his throat.

An independent woman often falls into the alpha woman category and those dating challenges are somewhat different.

You can learn more about successful alpha woman relationships here.

You Make a Man Your Hobby

This is another common relationship mistake, and it causes the demise of many otherwise great relationships.

This happens when you give up your hobbies and friendships to spend more time with your guy. Suddenly, he’s your only priority.

The best thing you can do for your relationship is to maintain all your hobbies and friendships. Continue going to Yoga class. Don’t stop those art lessons. Keep going out on girls’ night with your friends.

You’ll still have plenty of time to spend with your guy, so don’t worry about that. Even in a marriage, you don’t need to be with one another one hundred percent of the time. It’s unhealthy and unrealistic.

Personal growth occurs when you pursue those activities you love so much and friendships help keep you grounded and connected.

You’re the One Who’s Chasing

For men, dating is fun. Men enjoy the chase and uncovering the mystery that is you. If you chase him, you take that away from him.

Allow a man to chase you by being patient. He’s not going to answer your texts immediately so chill and find that hobby to work on.

Let him plan some of your dates and don’t overshare when you’re together. Let him learn about you slowly but steadily. If you plan fun dates, you’ll get to know one another naturally, not by force.

Learn how to keep a man interested.

Meeting a Man | You Slept with Him Too Soon

This is a big problem in relationships because it’s a signal of low confidence and possibly a sign that you’ve found yourself a player.

When your confidence is high, you don’t feel the need to sleep with a guy to keep him around. You understand that you have value and worth that goes beyond any sexual relationship. You make him earn his way into your bed by proving that he is worthy of you.

I see this same woman every time I go out with my friends. Not the exact same woman, but the type of woman. She’s dressed in clothes that are too revealing and she works too hard at flirting to make it look natural.

When you dress in clothing that’s too revealing, you send the signal that you don’t believe you have anything to offer a man other than your body. Additionally, you leave a guy no mystery. Men like to wonder what’s beneath your blouse, and their imaginations do a good enough job until they get to know you.

What can you do if you sleep with a guy you like too soon?

meeting a man

The Secret to Meeting A Man | Date Like a Man

Okay so maybe it doesn’t make sense that the secret to meeting a man is to date like a man, but allow me to explain.

I just eluded to the fact that men date for fun. Men love mystery and challenge in their relationships, and not just early in the relationship but throughout, but that’s for another conversation.

Right now, I want to explain what it means to date like a man.

The standard first date is high pressure for a few reasons:

  • It’s usually a formal dinner date
  • Your expectations are too high
  • You’re hinging too much of yourself on the outcome

Let’s take them one at a time.

Plan Fun Dates

Dinner dates are fine for date nights with your partner after you’ve gotten to know one another, but they make for horrible first dates.

The pressure to hold a conversation together is too great and the environment is intimidating.

Instead of dinner, plan an adventure, or at least a date where you’re doing something other than staring at one another across water glasses.

  • Go hiking in a public place
  • Try a local rock-climbing wall
  • Go bowling or putt-putt golfing
  • Visit a zoo or other local venue
  • Take a cooking class together

These ideas are just starters or examples of the fun things you can do. On these dates, you get to see how you each react to different situations. The pressure to hold a conversation is lower because you’re too busy having fun.

The trick is not to be afraid of embarrassing yourself. So you throw a gutter ball or three. Who cares? He’ll be studying how you handle that, rather than judging you for it. Laugh it off and try again.

If you learn you share a common interest, go on a date where you can explore that commonality.

The point is not to put too much pressure on those first dates. You’re not exclusive and shouldn’t be until you know him better. You’re just trying each other on for size to see whether you want to keep dating.

If you don’t, no sweat! Move on and try again.

Try to Focus Less on the Result

When you go on a first date, you’re already sizing him up to see if you want to marry him. That’s way too much to put on a first, second, or even fifth date. You’re focusing on the result of the relationship, rather than focusing on building a lasting relationship.

It takes time to get to know someone and forcing that doesn’t do anyone any good. Additionally, you start taking note of all the things he does to validate your opinion that he’s just the guy for you.

I call these milestones:

  • He held my hand
  • He kissed me
  • We had sex
  • He invited me to meet his family
  • I got to meet his best friend
  • We took a trip together

For a guy, these are just ways to have fun with you. He’s not kissing you for the first time because he wants to marry you. He acted out of impulse because he felt attracted to you, but that doesn’t mean he wants to marry you.

Men are clueless about these milestones so you keeping track of them is fruitless. Instead, focus on getting to know him. Experience different things together and learn about him that way. Take the marriage pressure off and just enjoy dating.

Act Like a Guy

There’s this thing I like to call man mode. Man mode is your ultimate tool in finding and keeping a great guy. It goes something like this.

When you think a guy is about to do something, you do it first. For example, if your guy wants to go hang out with his friends…again, you go first, looking extra hot and making sure he sees you. You’re effectively diminishing his odds of having fun because he’ll be worried about what men you might see while you’re out and whether you’ll find them more interesting than him.

Another example is managing an argument. While your instinct is to stay and fight it out, a man would rather retreat and figure things out first, so that’s what you do…first. You say something like, “Ya’ know Gregg, I think I’m going to head to the gym for a while. I’ll be back later.” He was thinking the same thing, but he didn’t know how to approach it without making you angrier. You beat him to it and now, he’s scratching his head wondering what just happened.

In both those instances, you’ve turned the tables on your guy without playing games or tricks on him. He can respond to these actions because it’s how he and his guy friends interact.

Meeting a Man

Meeting a man is more than going out on a Saturday night with your friends. It’s about having fun, adopting the right mindset, and dispelling the many myths about finding great men.

But the best key to meeting a man is building your confidence. Great men are attracted to confident women. When you’re confident, you give yourself the best chance of meeting a confident man who will treat you well.

I encourage you to take what you’ve learned here and determine which of the roadblocks might be standing in your way. Then, kick that roadblock down, once and for all, and get out there. Have fun meeting a man who will treat you like a queen!

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

A Women’s Comprehensive Guide to Finding a Good Man

A Women’s Comprehensive Guide to Finding a Good Man

Finding a good man can sometimes feel like an impossible task, yet those good men are out there wondering where all of the good women are. Let’s see about getting you together!

One common mistake women make when searching for a good man is having unrealistic expectations. While it’s important to have standards, expecting perfection can lead to disappointment. No one is perfect, and it’s important to understand that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes.

Another common mistake is ignoring red flags. Sometimes, women may overlook certain behaviors or traits that indicate potential problems, either because they are infatuated or because they believe they can change the man. It’s important to pay attention to these red flags and not ignore them.

Often, women rush into a relationship without taking the time to truly get to know the man. Take time to understand his character, values, and lifestyle before committing to a relationship. This can help you avoid potential heartbreak and disappointment in the future.

Women sometimes make the mistake of settling for less than they deserve. This often comes from a fear of being alone or a belief that there are no good men left. However, settling for less can lead to unhappiness and resentment in the long run.

Lastly, a common mistake is not communicating effectively. Communication is key in any relationship, and it’s important to express your needs, wants, and expectations clearly. Without effective communication, misunderstandings can occur, leading to conflict and dissatisfaction.

finding a good man

Distinguishing Between Good Men and Not-So-Good Men

Now, let’s dive deeper into this topic and explore what differentiates a good man from one you want to avoid. Every good man is unique, with his own mix of character traits, habits, and values. So, it is important to appreciate the individuality of each person you meet in your journey to find a great guy.

Recognizing a man’s truly positive qualities goes far beyond surface level attributes; these qualities include tangible qualities like honesty, kindness, empathy, and respect. While these are essential, keep in mind that there’s no definitive list, as everyone’s preferences vary widely. Take your own set of values and requirements into account, too.

Speaking of requirements, you might be wondering about the ideal balance of qualities. Surely no one wants a man who’s only kind-hearted but lacks integrity, right? Therefore, consider a man who demonstrates a mix of these traits. For example, a man with both empathy and integrity respects others’ feelings and stands by his core values, creating a harmonious blend of qualities.

But remember that even good men make mistakes and can sometimes make poor decisions. No one is perfect. A quality man knows how to apologize and learn from any blunders, showing growth and maturity. Remember that the true measure of a man lies not in never faltering but in his ability to rise each time he trips.

In essence, a good man is always a work in progress, continually striving to better himself. So, when you’re looking for that special man, focus on his potential for growth and the depth of his values, and remember to keep in mind what truly matters to you.

Identifying Your Personal Needs and Wants in a Relationship

The qualities a you want in a man are largely based on individual preferences and what’s going on in your life. But some attributes stand out as universally desirable. Among them are self-directedness, great communication skills, healthy finances, reliability, and being supportive of personal growth. These traits underscore long-term compatibility, dictating the overall health and satisfaction of a romantic relationship.

Self-directedness, for instance, refers to his ability to steer his life in the direction he desires. You might find a man who is ambitious quite appealing. Not only does this trait hint at prosperity, but it suggests that he has a positive and mature relationship with financial matters, which is crucial for stability and a peaceful coexistence.

Another dominant factor is communication skills. Good communication is the lifeline of a relationship. A man with good communication skills will eagerly listen to you, resolve misunderstandings constructively, and use them as stepping stones for relationship growth. An effective communicator doesn’t just talk; they actively listen, maintain eye contact, validate your feelings, and respond thoughtfully, enhancing the overall emotional intimacy.

Reliability is a trait that echoes trust and dependability in a relationship. A reliable man won’t just promise, he’ll deliver. He’s responsible and trustworthy, someone you can lean on during trying times. This fosters security and trust in your relationship, making you feel cherished and protected.

Finally, the person you choose should not only encourage but actively support your personal growth. He recognizes your individual interests and goals, respects your personal space, and roots for your ambitions. He uplifts you to realize your potential and fortifies the bond you share.

While all men are unique, seeking these valuable attributes can certainly increase your chances of finding a man who is beneficial and fulfilling to have by your side.

Embracing the Art of Patience in Your Search

Remember, great things rarely happen quickly. Patience throughout your pursuit of a good man will be a great asset. The wait may be frustrating at times, but don’t let it deter your enthusiasm. Patience, my dear, is not merely about waiting, but the ability to maintain a good attitude while waiting.

Taking time will allow you to understand your potential partner better. It gives you a chance to observe his traits, such as humility, kindness, and adaptability. These are qualities that make a good man. A good man showcases humility, admitting to his shortcomings and constantly striving for improvement. His kindness reveals his nurturing and empathetic side while adaptability shows his open-mindedness and willingness to grow with you.

The aspect of patience also directly interlinks with trust. A good man isn’t necessarily perfect, but he’s trusting and honest. He expresses his feelings genuinely and listens with an open heart, allowing for a trusting relationship to blossom. Mutual trust is an indicator of a nurturing relationship and helps you determine if this guy is the guy you’re looking for.

Lastly, while you’re searching for a good man, use this time for self-improvement too. Finding and keeping a good man isn’t a treasure hunt; it’s more about becoming a woman that a good man wants to be with. This journey is as much about you as it is about him. So, embrace patience as a disease and transform the wait into the best time for self-discovery and personal growth.

The Role of Self-Love and Respect in Attracting Good Men

Understanding and valuing your own worth is an important piece of attracting a good man. This unwavering belief in yourself, often called self-love, empowers you to maintain an internal compass that instinctively steers you towards a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Fostering self-love promotes an environment where you can identify and demand the respect you deserve.

Think of self-love as the foundation of respect within a relationship. If you have mastered self-love, you’re already armed with the ability to ascertain whether you’re being treated with respect. This discernment is often a critical factor in distinguishing good men from not-so-good ones.

A good man, in turn, recognizes and values the self-love and respect you display, as these virtues often mirror his qualities. Characteristics such as kindness, honesty, empathy, and respect are echoes of a man who values himself and others around him. A man of integrity who respects boundaries can contribute greatly to a loving, happy, and emotionally stable relationship.

Consider this as your guide in your journey: finding a good man isn’t just about spotting his admirable qualities, but also about acknowledging and valuing your own worth. Good men are drawn to women who themselves epitomize love respect and, thus, self-love not just leads you to good men, but also acts as a magnet, attracting them into your life.

Always be patient and trust the process of self-love. It’s an ongoing process, never a destination. Always remember that in the pursuit of a good man, loving yourself and respecting your needs, wants and boundaries is of utmost importance. It can impact your interactions, satisfaction and overall experience in the process. In a nutshell, the best way to attract a good man is to first become the best version of yourself.

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence in a Good Man

Emotional Intelligence (EI) isn’t just corporate jargon or a social buzzword, it is undeniably an essential characteristic that distinguishes a good man from an average one. But why is it so important in finding your Mr. Right? Let’s dive deeper into this topic.

Why Emotional Intelligence Matters

Emotional Intelligence refers to a capacity to manage, comprehend, and respond to your emotions and those of others. It’s about emotional self-awareness, setting and managing personal emotions, empathizing with others, and maintaining positive relationships.

A man with high Emotional Intelligence recognizes his emotions, manages them wisely, supports others in distress, and handles negative emotions positively. He’s responsive instead of reactive, and also shows immense understanding and a non-judgmental demeanor towards your feelings and emotions.

Empathy and Emotional Intelligence

Empathy, an important facet of Emotional Intelligence, allows a man to understand and share your feelings emphatically. This emotional understanding provides comfort, support, and compassion, which result in deep, meaningful connections. The presence of empathy demonstrates his capacity to feel, understand, and respond to your emotional needs.

Now, imagine having a partner with this depth of emotional understanding by your side, someone who can navigate the ups and downs of life with you, with empathy, tact, and resilience. Such a man will not only enhance your well-being but also ensure the long-term success of your relationship.

The Impact of Emotional Intelligence on a Relationship

An emotionally intelligent man genuinely cares about self-improvement. He has the confidence and adaptability to grow with you and adapts to the changes and challenges that come his way. His resilience helps you both survive and thrive through tough times.

Emotional Intelligence is not just a bonus but an important quality in identifying a man who’s worth being with. So, on your quest for a good man, be sure to check the EI box on your list. Remember, it’s not all about his looks or his charm, but also his ability to understand, respect, and respond to the emotional landscape within and around him.

Signs of Honesty: A Key Indicator of a Good Man

When you’re on the lookout for a good man, honesty should be non-negotiable. It’s not simply about a man who tells the truth, but someone who understands, commits to, and values honesty. An honest man isn’t afraid of vulnerability and is willing to share and communicate with integrity, even when the truth might sting a little. This characteristic will make him not only trustworthy but attractively transparent.

Spotting an honest man can, at times, feel like a difficult task. But there are subtle signs and behaviours that can make the process less daunting. For starters, observe his actions. Does he follow through on his words consistently? Remember, actions speak louder than words. A man who values honesty will demonstrate reliability and dependability, reflecting his words with his actions.

Furthermore, does he show respect for your boundaries. An honest man understands the importance of boundaries and respects them without crossing the line or putting you in uncomfortable situations. He acknowledges your feelings, treats you with respect, and takes responsibility for his own actions.

Then there’s his approach to difficult situations—does he handle them with transparency? The way a man reacts to confrontations or obstacles can reveal a lot about his honesty. He won’t shy away from accepting his mistakes or apologizing when he’s in the wrong. It’s important to note that a man who values honesty won’t lead you on or withhold crucial information.

A good man knows that honesty is the best policy. This guiding principle in his life sets a solid foundation for a healthy and satisfying relationship. He’s someone who’s worth your time and your love—a true testament to the saying, “a good man is a man worth being and searching for.”

Exploring Places to Meet Good Men: Shifting Your Search Locales

One of the most engaging parts of finding a good man might just be the hunt itself. Because each good man is unique, every avenue may lead to interesting opportunities and diverse encounters.

A common misconception is that good men are rare and hard to find. However, there are plenty of good men scattered throughout the world, they may just be where you least expect them! By shifting your search locales, you’re opening up a wide array of possibilities and chances to meet a man worthy of your attention.

Venturing Out of Your Comfort Zone

One step in finding a good man requires you to step out of your comfort zone. Engaging in social events and activities where you wouldn’t typically find yourself is one great way to do this. Whether it’s a fitness class, a new hobby, an online forum, or even a blind date, being open to new experiences is a distinct advantage in this journey.

Rethinking Online Dating Platforms

Online dating platforms can be a goldmine of good men, assuming you’re using them correctly. While they’ve earned a negative reputation to some extent, remember, not every man on these platforms is the same. Plenty of quality individuals are looking for meaningful relationships. A good man can be just a few swipes away!

Varying Your Social Circle

Don’t underestimate the power of your social circle in finding a good man. Variations in your social groups expose you to different types of people, including potential partners. Attend social gatherings, stay connected with extended friends, and always be open to meeting new people. Good men often come via introductions by mutual friends, so don’t hesitate to explore diverse social interactions.

Remember, each good man is unique, and just like a treasured gem, they can sometimes take some time and effort to find. Keep these tips in mind, stay optimistic, and most importantly… don’t forget to have fun along the way!

Mastering Safe Online Interaction with Potential Partners

When it comes to online dating, mastering the art of safe interaction is crucial. In an increasingly digital world, this can be your way of evaluating a man’s character, his sincerity and his intentions. But remember, it’s not just about assessing him, it’s also about ensuring your own safety and well-being.

Firstly, be cautious with the personal information you share. It’s exciting to meet someone who seems to fit the definition of a good man as outlined above. It’s natural to want to open up, to share details and experiences. But temper this openness with caution. It’s okay—and importantly, it’s wise—to take time to build trust.

Active Listening: A Clue to Good Communication Skills

One key to deciphering whether a man is good at communication is to note his ability to listen. A man who practices active listening attentively hears you out, validates your words, and responds thoughtfully. Not only does this confirm that he values what you have to say and respects your viewpoint, it’s also a sign that he is open and present in his interactions. Turning misunderstandings into opportunities for growth is an important part of communication, and it’s something good communicators strive to achieve.

How He Interacts: A Window into His Emotional Balance

How a man interacts online can illuminate key aspects of his persona. Secure men–those who are emotionally balanced, honest and comfortable with their vulnerability–interact in a specific manner. They show care in their responses, exhibiting emotional intelligence and empathy. This thoughtful way of processing and responding to what they see and hear from you is a key indicator of their ability to create and nurture a safe, emotionally fulfilling relationship.

Remember, in any interaction, whether online or offline, your safety and well-being should be paramount. And where a good man is concerned, he’ll understand and respect that.

finding a good man

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A Deep Dive into the Dating Pool: Navigating First Encounters

We’ve all heard it before: first impressions are crucial. But, it’s not just the impression you make on your potential partner, it’s also about how they make an impression on you. In any first encounter or date, observe how he interacts with others and more importantly, with you. Use this opportunity to spot the characteristics of a good man you learned earlier.

There are a few telltale signs of a good man that you can watch out for. One of the most important is his communication skills. A good man is a good listener. He will not just passively listen to what you’re saying but actively engages in conversation. This includes making eye contact, providing validation, responding thoughtfully, and processing what he hears.

Engagement is the key here. Anyone can nod along to what you’re saying, but someone who repeats back what you’ve said or asks questions to gain more clarity is showing genuine interest – a true sign of a good man. This active interaction demonstrates that they value communication in a relationship and it shows emotional maturity, which is paramount in maintaining a healthy relationship.

Remember, it’s also about how the person makes you feel. Do you feel comfortable around him? Do you feel understood, valued, and heard? These feelings are significant indicators of a good man. He will show confidence but not arrogance, a trait that reflects stability and security.

Keep in mind, while one meeting might not be enough to fully understand a person, it can certainly set the tone for what you can expect moving forward. So, pay attention and trust your gut. A good man is not only good to you, he is also good for you.

First Date Red Flags: How to Know He’s Not the One

Understanding the red flags during initial interactions with a new guy is very important. It’s not about expecting him to be flawless but recognizing when behaviors cross your boundaries and go against key qualities you’d expect from a good man.

One immediate red flag is an inability to control anger or emotions. Relationships with men like this will probably lead to roller-coaster rides of emotions and potential abuse. Keep an eye out for how he handles situations – if the slightest inconvenience throws him off balance, it’s a sign of bigger issues.

Also pay attention to how he talks about other people when they’re not around. Ask about his parents or siblings, as well as his friends or ex. Talk that is consistently negative or judgmental, or appears to be dismissive or disrespectful of them shows clear signs of a lack of kindness and empathy – essential qualities of a good man.

Even good men make mistakes and unwise decisions, but what really matters is sincere remorse and responsibility for actions. If he constantly blames others for his misfortunes and never demonstrates accountability for his actions, it’s a red flag.

Another red flag is being completely money-focused. While it’s important to value financial stability, being obsessive about money to the exclusion of all else suggests a more serious issue like materialism or superficiality.

Sometimes, a man shows emotional walls, a sign of being incapable of truly loving you, no matter how seemingly perfect in every other way. If you are constantly being shut out emotionally, and your attempts at closeness are rebuffed time and again, he’s not the one.

Last but not least, respect is a core component of a good relationship. If he crosses your boundaries, makes unwarranted advances, or doesn’t respect your personal space, it’s a major red flag.

Making the First Move: A Woman’s Guide

Making the first move doesn’t have to be daunting. Take the initiative to express your interest in someone. Making the first move is empowering and gives you a sense of control in the dating process.

A good man won’t feel threatened or emasculated if you take the lead. Instead, he’ll appreciate your confidence and directness. Confidence isn’t just a quality that men find attractive, it’s also an essential trait for a strong, independent woman.

When you’re ready to make that first move, don’t let nerves get in your way. Here are a few tips to help:

  1. Be Genuine: Authenticity attracts authenticity. Be yourself. A good man will appreciate you for who you are.
  2. Pay Attention: Notice what interests him and build upon that. Shared interests are a good starting point for meaningful conversations.
  3. Use Humor: Humour breaks down barriers and eases tense situations. If you make him laugh, you’re halfway towards winning him.
  4. Be Direct, But Subtle: Subtlety is key. Don’t come off too strong. Let him know you’re interested but, give space for things to unfold naturally.

One quality of a good man is respect. If he steps back when necessary, it implies he values you and respects your boundaries. If he doesn’t respect a ‘no’, or if he tries to push too hard, he’s not the right one for you.

Being financially independent and the best version of yourself can pull the right men towards you. After all, like attracts like. So, love and respect yourself first, because you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Making the first move is about taking action and seizing the initiative. If you do it with grace, confidence, and authenticity, you’re more likely to attract a good man who values these qualities in a partner.

Learning to Trust Your Instincts in the Dating World

Trust is the bedrock of any lasting relationship. It’s important not only in your relationship with a potential partner but also within yourself. When it comes to finding a good man, your instincts can often serve as your best guide.

Your instincts, or gut feelings, stem from millions of years of human evolution. There is something innate in our ability to interpret our world, including recognizing when someone might be a good match for us, or when they might not be the person we hope they are. This subconscious recognition is a powerful, tangible guide in your search for a good man.

Your instincts are your own personal alarm system. When you sense something is off or doesn’t feel right, that’s your instincts kicking in and trying to protect you. Embrace this, listen to it and trust it; it’s your internal system of checks and balances to ensure you’re moving towards what’s best for you.

How do you do this effectively? Pay more attention to how your potential partner’s words resonate with you and how his actions make you feel. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for him or doubting yourself and your feelings, take a step back and reassess. Trust yourself, your judgment and have confidence in your own perception, even if it may seem illogical at first. Remember, a good man will build his confidence from within and should inspire the same in you.

And of course, a good man will respect your boundaries. So, if your instincts are telling you something isn’t quite right, don’t be afraid to communicate it openly and honestly. Speaking from a place of trust and confidence will nurture your relationship and, ultimately, bring forth a good man who respects and values you.

Although trusting your instincts is not an exact science, it’s an invaluable tool nonetheless. When it comes to navigating the dating world, understanding and trusting yourself can illuminate the path to finding a good man.

Wrapping Up Finding a Good Man

At journey’s end, it becomes evident that the hunt for a good man goes beyond surface-level attributes such as appearance or status. It delves deeper into essential qualities like kindness, honesty, integrity, empathy, and respect. Remember, every good man is unique, bringing his distinctive characteristics and experiences to the table.

Take, for instance, kindness, an often overlooked yet crucial quality. A truly kind man will treat you with dignity and prioritize your happiness, allowing mutual respect and love to flourish in the relationship. Similarly, a man who keeps his word is a solid indicator of his reliability, a cornerstone of trust in any meaningful relationship.

Remember this guide to finding good men as you navigate the tricky terrain of love. Don’t forget to hold out for a man who embodies these cherished qualities, for it’s such men that make the journey worth it. As you continue your path, remember to balance patience with practicality, instinct with intelligence, and self-love with the search for love in others. Keep in mind that the hunt for love isn’t a sprint, but a marathon where the victory lies in finding a match that embodies mutual respect, understanding, and enduring love.

The bottom line is this: A good man is worth searching for. So, don’t settle for less in your quest. Above all, remember that your dating journey is just as much about self-discovery as it is about finding someone else. Happy searching!

Don’t you think you’ve dated enough losers? Isn’t it time to find a great guy to date? Maybe you think you already have!

This book will help you know for sure! You’ll go in-depth on the good and bad qualities to look for in a man so you an know for sure.

End the guessing game and Weed out the Users!

There’s a New Mouse in The House! Online Dating For Women Just Got Better

There’s a New Mouse in The House! Online Dating For Women Just Got Better

There’s a New Mouse in The House!

Online dating for women just got better! Hi Ladies, Gregg here, and I have a big announcement to make. Love is in the Mouse 2017: Find the Love of Your Life With The Click of The Mouse!  is now live! Get your copy for just the price of one cup of coffee HERE

This online dating eBook is all new and concentrates on writing profiles.  In the beginning I give my version of the ultimate profile! Then I teach what to ask a guy and how to move things offline.

Once again, Kirbie and I have created a free workbook to go with the book so you can work along with me, and we have created an eye opening online profile guide called “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.” Here, you and I look at (and laugh) what not to write on your profile. Both free with the book.

I took some time and signed in as a woman (I do have nice legs haha!) to view a few sites and WHOA, I could not believe what some women are writing! Men too.

My previous Mouse book is still worthy of reading as it lays the groundwork to get you online dating successfully, so keep it as a reference.

I also found a great review website that analyzes and ranks the different online dating sites. My friend Lexi contacted me over at Reviews.com.  New research suggests more than one third of marriages begin with online dating. Finding a potential partner has become much easier, but choosing the best online dating service hasn’t.

Interacting on an ineffective dating site can start to feel like a full-time job that doesn’t ever payout. Because of this, Lexi’s team spent six weeks reviewing 68 online dating sites to find which algorithms actually work and which site was most likely to find you a compatible match. They found your top picks by analyzing web-traffic data, consulting with matchmakers and online dating experts, along with evaluating their user bases, functionality and quality. Even further, they personally tested them to find which ones resulted in the most meaningful interactions and which ones had an excessive amount of obnoxious messages.

Hook-up sites were intentionally left out.

With all of their research, they created a comprehensive guide to help daters find the best dating site for their specific needs (best overall, best for long-term relationships, best app and best niche dating sites). They also offer tips on how to maximize your online dating experience, by making it worthwhile and safer.

The information is free and the tips are very helpful! The link is here. Oh, they also review everything else under the sun too – not just dating sites.

So grab my new book, Love is in The Mouse 2017, for peanuts and then get over to Reviews.com and pick the best site for you!

Copping a new attitude 🙂
Gregg

The Top 9 Reasons to Try Online Dating

The Top 9 Reasons to Try Online Dating

Are you having trouble finding a good match? Do you want multiple men lined up at your door, just to have a chance to meet you? Would you like to pick out the perfect guy for you from a gigantic pool of men? Then maybe it’s time to try online dating! Kirbie here. And no, I haven’t lost my mind. If the thought of online dating makes you shudder, think again.

Learn Gregg’s latest online dating secrets HERE!

According to statisticbrain.com, 49,250,000 single people in the US have dipped their toes in the online dating pool this year. That’s a big pool. And more than half of them are men! According to Gregg Michaelsen, Boston’s top dating coach and best selling author, it’s “the way of the world.” So keep an open mind, and keep reading to learn more.

The 9 Advantages of Online Dating

Chances are you know at least one person married to or in a committed relationship with someone they met online. Honestly, I can name quite a few! But if that’s not enough, and you still need convincing, here are the top nine reasons to try online dating.

  1. On many sites, men outnumber women by four to one. That’s why some sites are FREE to women.
  1. Online dating gives you options and the power to date multiple men. You can easily fill your bucket with as many fish as you want. If he is wrong for you, toss him back in the pool. If he’s a great catch — keep him!
  1. With online dating you can experiment and meet different types of men than those you normally gravitate towards. You may surprise yourself, and fall for someone you would not have considered before, but someone perfect for you.
  1. Get a boost in confidence by having multiple options, and multiple men telling you how awesome you are! And if one guy happens to not take interest, it’s no biggie. You have backups waiting in the wings.
  1. It’s just a date. One of many. Both of you know you are just testing the waters with each other, so there’s no pressure (and no settling out of desperation).
  1. With online dating you can learn what attracts you and what you really value in a man. You will also learn what turns you off, and what you don’t want in a man. If your date turns out to be a jerk, you can excuse yourself, and block him from contacting you again.
  1. Online dating keeps you busy, and at the least, you get to go out and have a good meal. And if it’s not a love match, you might still make a new friend.
  2. Guys crave a challenge. With online dating, you become instantly more attractive and desirable because men know they have to compete to win your heart (think The Bachelorette). You become the bait!
  1. When men compete, they are forced to step up their game. Need I say more?

Now that you’re in the know, why not give online dating a try? After all, there’s nothing to lose if it doesn’t work out — and a lot to gain if it does!

There’s a New Mouse in The House! Online Dating For Women Just Got Better

The Beginner’s Guide To Online Dating

Online Dating 101 for Women

If I had a dollar for every person I’ve met who found their perfect match online, I could buy myself a cute pair of Jimmy Choo sling-back pumps, and I wouldn’t be the only one with a new pair of shoes.

According to a recent survey by the Pew Research Center, online dating is more popular now than ever before.

A whopping 41% of American adults say they know someone who uses online dating, while 29% know someone who has married or entered a long-term relationship with someone they met online.

It doesn’t hurt that most of the people who use online dating sites in the US are well educated and fairly affluent.

Face it, online dating works, and there is proven research to back it up.  It’s a great tool for meeting new people, and there really is no reason to shy away from this proven method of dating.

Think of it this way, while there are just a handful of potential boyfriends at any given bar or bookstore coffee shop, there are endless possibilities in the cyber dating world.

You can have your pick of men online, and you can bet your confidence will sky rocket when you see just how many guys are into you!

Sounds wonderful, right? But, it still doesn’t change the fact that online dating can be scary and intimidating, especially for the beginner. Knowledge is power, and this helpful Beginner’s Guide to Online Dating can equip you with the information you need to get started on this modern path to love.

Online Dating 101 – Profile

There are many online dating sites to choose from, and it’s up to you to determine which one is the best fit for you. Once you do, it’s time to set up your profile. You want to put your best foot forward, but you may not have a clue how. Here are seven helpful tips and smart rules to follow.

  1. The Photo Dilemma: Sorry ladies, that selfie of you with the giant eyes and pouty duck lips (that got so many likes on Facebook) is not going to cut it. Try to avoid crazy angles that distort your features. Yes, you want a photo that makes you feel beautiful, but if he can’t recognize you when you finally meet, it’s false advertising. Instead, choose a great photo of yourself that actually looks like you, and showcases your awesome personality.
  1. TMI (Too Much Information!): Don’t reveal too much about yourself. Write what you would feel comfortable sharing with a guy you just met at a bar. You wouldn’t empty the contents of your purse on the bar top, so don’t do it online. Give a little something to pique his interest without over sharing. Guys like a little mystery, and besides, you still have no idea what kind of guy he is, so why should he know all about you?
  1. Good To Know: With that said, there is certain information you may want to mention in your profile, like favorite movies, bands, and books, or your interests and hobbies. After all, you want to meet someone you are compatible with, and having these things in common will give you something interesting to talk about on your first date. Write about things you would want your ideal date to respond to.
  1. Keep Your Options Open: You’ve probably heard the old adage, “Don’t put all your eggs into one basket.” It’s been around for a long time, but it is still good advice today. When it comes to online dating, you can’t pin all your future hopes and dreams on one person you’ve just met. He may seem like the perfect guy right from the start, but things don’t always work out in the end. It’s best to line up a few dates and narrow the field as things progress.
  1. Let It Go: If you find yourself just not feeling it, don’t be afraid to walk away. After a few emails back and forth, you should feel some sort of connection. He may be a really nice guy, but if he’s not for you, it’s OK to bow out and stop corresponding with him. You may even find yourself needing a break from dating altogether, and that’s fine too. Sometimes a few weeks are all you need to come back refreshed and ready to try again. Yes, there are duds out there, but there are extraordinary men as well. So do what you need to do, but don’t get discouraged.
  1. Meet Cute (and Safe!): If you do find someone you really hit it off with online, there will come a time to meet face to face. This prospect can be both exciting, and horrifying! He may be a wonderful man, but you need to be safe. Always meet in a public place! This cannot be stressed enough. If he really is the wonderful man you think he is, he will understand.
  1. Hello, Goodbye: If the date just isn’t what you expected, don’t be afraid to call it short. Maybe the sparks you had online just aren’t there in person, or maybe you really just aren’t a good match. And that’s okay. Not every guy you meet is going to be your soul mate. But remember, it only takes ONE. Online dating does work, but it is a process — so be patient.

Is Mr. Right out there, floating on a cloud somewhere, just waiting for you to come along? You’ll never know if you don’t give online dating a try!

Are YOU Putting Your Best Foot Forward?

Are YOU Putting Your Best Foot Forward?

Hi friends. It’s Kirbie today and I’m frustrated. I don’t know about you, but I am tired of wanting to lose the 10-12 pounds I need to lose. I got hot into exercise at the first of the year. Not because of a resolution – I don’t do those, but because my 3 adult daughters and I all wanted to challenge each other. Sadly, only one of us is still exercising and it ain’t me, unfortunately. I have a half-way good reason, but that’s not the point. Are you putting your best foot forward? I know I’m not!

Last weekend, I discovered a jewel of a show called Fit to Fat to Fit. The idea of this show is genius really. They pair a personal trainer with someone who needs to lose weight. The trainer visits the client and explains how he (the trainer) will be gaining weight over the next four months so he can better understand the plight of the client. The trainers, some of them a tad arrogant toward their client, learn some valuable lessons, but I learned one or two as well.

I’ve watched 3-4 episodes of the show now and what I have taken away from it will hopefully be the motivating factor I need to get moving again – after I recover from this darned bug.

On Day 1 of their working out together, after the trainer has gained upward of 50-60 pounds, he puts the client through a pretty tough workout. This afternoon, I watched a woman who just was really hard to get motivated. At one point, the trainer asked her, “Are you going to give up? HUH? HUH? I know you can do this, but do YOU?”

Her responses, which I don’t recall now, centered around denying her desire to give up. She was determined, although whiny. He pushed her way past what she perceived her limits to be. And here is where I come in. I know, I am certain, I do not push myself to my limits. I’ve had several surgeries on key joints over the last 10 or so years, and it does somewhat limit what I can do, but even still, I don’t push myself.

I need to take some of those workouts I see on PopSugar, the ones I dismiss as “too difficult” and go for it with one of them. I need to stop looking for the workout that looks “do-able” and go for one which looks like there’s no way I can do it – then just kill it.

Here is the difference. If I only choose a workout I can do now, what’s the challenge to my body? Sure, there is some, because I’m just that much overweight, but it won’t challenge me for long. It won’t force me to push myself. I’m 53 this May but that doesn’t mean I’m completely incapable of pushing myself physically.

In another show, another phrase spoke to me. The trainer said “How many times have you said “I’ll start on Monday”? (when it’s Tuesday). That’s me. I don’t know if it’s the Type A who resides within me sometimes or what, but I do the same thing. For some reason, I put it off, using ‘timing’ as an excuse.

So here’s the thing. I’m done making excuses! I’m done finding the workout that is ‘do-able’. I want the workout that’s not do-able. I want to push myself to a point past anything I’ve imagined. I want to be able to say I pushed myself as hard as I could and I did it! I can’t imagine how great that will feel!

I challenge you to do the same. Maybe it’s not a weight loss or strength building workout. Maybe it’s a new job or career challenge. Maybe you can challenge yourself to face a fear. Find a way to push yourself beyond what you perceive your limits to be (but be safe, of course!). At the end of my journey, I’ll try to remember to share with you my “before and after” info.

What’s your challenge? How will you be putting your best foot forward?

Game on!

If you’re really ready for a challenge, get ready for Gregg’s new book, Own Your Tomorrow: 14 Steps to Prepare for Love, due out on Amazon on February 21, and on sale for a limited time for just 99 cents! Sign up for Gregg’s newsletter at the top or bottom of this, or any page to stay informed!

The Top 5 First Date Do’s and Don’ts for 2016

The Top 5 First Date Do’s and Don’ts for 2016

The Top 5 First Date Do’s and Don’ts

It’s the start of a new year, and the perfect time to talk about first dates. Going out with a totally new guy can be both exciting and nerve wracking at the same time! You can’t wait to hang out with him one-on-one, but all the while, your mind is full of what-ifs and worry.

I’m here to help you stop stressing with the top five first date do’s and don’ts for 2016!

DO: Be Yourself

The best way to ensure a second date, and possibly a successful relationship in the future, is to be real. Trying to be something you are not, in the way you act AND in the way you present yourself, will only backfire and lead to disaster.

Don’t wear a fancy dress and heels if you’re a jeans and boots kind of girl, and don’t say you love skydiving if you’re not prepared to jump out of a plane. It’s as simple as that. If he doesn’t like you for who you are, he’s not the right guy for you.

DO: Be On Time

There’s no such thing as fashionably late. If you are meeting him at 8PM, it does not mean leave the house at 8PM. It means be there at 8PM, or slightly earlier. After 30 minutes, he will probably think you’re a no-show and take off.

If he does wait for you, at the least, you’ve been just plain inconsiderate. If it normally takes you two hours to do your hair and get ready, plan accordingly.

DO: Keep Comfort in Mind

On a first date, or any subsequent date for that matter, you want to be able to focus on the conversation, and spend your time enjoying his company and getting to know him better. You don’t want to be distracted by shoes that pinch your feet, no matter how sexy they are.

For more First Date Tips for Women Click HERE!

Avoid worrying about things popping out that shouldn’t by choosing your wardrobe wisely. You can look great and still be somewhat comfortable. Remember, you need to be able to walk, talk and breathe.

DON’T: Be Wishy-Washy

If he asks you what you want to do, be decisive and involved. Don’t say. “I don’t know, whatever you want to do is fine.” You may just end up at some freaky movie that scares the crap out of you and eating sushi when you’re allergic to fish.

You’ll both end up feeling bad about how the date went if you let him make all the decisions and things go awry. How long can you really keep up appearances? Wishy-washy can get old real fast for everyone involved. Guys tend to like a girl who speaks up.

DON’T: Starve

If he orders steak and you want steak, order steak. If you love pasta, order pasta. Don’t just poke around a side salad and pretend that’s all you need. Guys will tell you there’s nothing more uncomfortable than a girl who won’t eat on a date.

Besides, you may end up “hangry” (hungry/angry) if you starve yourself, and that’s probably not the best way to make a good first impression. If you’re worried about a goodnight kiss, keep some gum or mints in your pocket for later.

DON’T: Overshare

Some of us tend to talk a lot when we’re nervous. Let him get to know you, but don’t over share or monopolize the conversation. He does not need to know every last messy detail about your life on a first date.

Ask him questions about his job, his friends and family, his hobbies, and favorite bands or TV shows to keep the conversation naturally flowing back and forth between the two of you. Don’t interrupt what he is saying, even if something awesome and relatable pops in your head, it can wait until he’s done.

More First Date Do’s and Don’ts

  • DO: Put your phone away — status updates can wait
  • DON’T: Run to the bathroom every five minutes to check your hair and makeup
  • DO: Pay attention and be a good listener
  • DON’T: Mention other guys
  • DO: Offer To Pay or Split the Bill. If he declines, at least leave the tip or pay for the popcorn. If he accepts, be prepared to actually pay
  • DON’T: Drink too much
  • DO: Send a quick and casual, “Had a great time, thanks again!” text afterwards
  • DON’T: Send him a long and intense, “I had the best time, you are the perfect guy for me, I can’t wait to see you again and introduce you to my family and BFFs, how does tomorrow sound XOXOX?” text afterwards and stalk him until he responds

Here’s To A Happy (and Romantic) New Year!

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