Date Great Men Archives

3 Steps to Become a Guy Magnet

Want to Be a Man Magnet? Following These 3 Steps

We’ve all known at least one Chick Magnet — from the guy ALL the girls had a crush on in high school to the distinguished older gentleman at the nursing home who makes every lady in the joint swoon – they do exist. It’s an undeniable fact.

Some guys just ooze attraction. He may not always be the most handsome, have the biggest muscles, or drive the nicest car, but there is just something about him.

What about you? Is there such a thing as a woman who oozes attraction? And if so, how do you become a guy magnet? Good news – Guy Magnets do exist! Better news – it’s not difficult to learn. The secret to drawing men is this simple: it’s all about confidence.

Did you ever have a friend who was not as pretty as you, but for some reason she stole the attention of every guy in the room, much to your dismay? Did you ever see a solid 5 walking hand in hand with an absolute 10 and wonder, how did that happen?

Did you ever meet a man who was not at all your personality type, but ten minutes into the conversation you suddenly become VERY attractive to him? You can thank confidence.

Sure a great body and a beautiful face will get you dates, but most men — and women — can see past the superficial very quickly. Giving off an apprehensive vibe and insecure body language can make a 10 become a zero in no time.

When you are unsure of yourself, it shows, and it’s a definite turn off. Instead of shining, you fall flat. What can you do to change things and become the belle of the ball?

No magic wand is going to do that for you. You have to decide to make the change yourself, by adjusting your outlook and attitude.

Become a Guy Magnet Step 1: Love Yourself

I’m not saying you should boast about how amazing you are to every man you meet. That’s not going to help you win dates and influence people, but if you love yourself, it WILL show and others will love you too.

Loving yourself means looking inward and appreciating what is good about YOU.

Cut yourself some slack about your perceived imperfections, and feel comfortable in your own shoes. Stop putting yourself last. Make time for yourself, mind, body and soul. Banish negative thoughts, and focus on the positive. After all, no one will love you if you don’t love yourself.

Step 2: Be True To Yourself

To become a guy magnet, trying to act like something or someone you are not is never a good thing. If anything, it just shows you lack confidence. And the truth WILL catch up with you in the end. So save yourself time and heartaches and just be YOU!

You have your own hobbies and interests so do what you love, surround yourself with people who accept you as is, and be seen for the amazing person you are! Not the fake person who pretends to be something she’s not. When in doubt, be true to yourself.

Step 3: Value Yourself

There is nothing more attractive than confidence. You are a woman of value who can have her pick of men. All you need to do is believe it. Boost your feelings of self-worth by throwing yourself into work you love, and activities which help you feel good about yourself and your talents.

Do this and you will be the ultimate man magnet – guys will love you!

Think about all the things you do to help people, your achievements, and all your strengths as an individual. Surround yourself with friends and family who support you and love you unconditionally. Trust your intuition and wisdom, it won’t steer you wrong.

Now you know the secret to becoming a Guy Magnet. No one changes overnight, but if you work on building your confidence you will notice a difference in the way people perceive you, and before you know it, it will be you who steals the attention of all the guys in the room! So tell me, who holds the cards now?

Love yourself, be true to yourself and value yourself and the right man will follow!

4 Roadblocks which are Keeping You from Love

Build Confidence, Date Great Men

Why Can’t I Find Love?

Women ask me all the time, “Why Can’t I Find Love?” We all want to love and be loved. It’s amazing to feel a real, lasting connection with another person — to be lucky enough to find that someone who makes our hearts race, someone we can actually settle down with for the long haul.

But the road to love can be bumpy, with some serious twists and turns. If we’re not careful, we can lose control or worse, hit a roadblock that completely stops a relationship in its tracks. Best advice? Avoid these 4 roadblocks which are keeping you from love.

Why Can’t I Find Love? #1 Beware of the Superficial

It’s easy to get lost in a superficial checklist of qualities you look for in a partner. But remember, you are not buying a car! A hot body and shiny good looks only take you so far. If you can’t find love, then stop stressing about things that don’t really matter. So far, you have only dated blonds (because you have thing for Brad Pitt), or guys taller than you in heels. How far has that gotten you?

Physical attraction is important, but did you ever notice how a guy gets more (or less) appealing the more you get to know him? That hunky man who treats you poorly can quickly drop to a zero, while the sweet man who makes you laugh can suddenly rev your engine.

Don’t get stuck on a checklist. Instead, open yourself up to new possibilities and see where it takes you. Have you dated an older man? Tried dating a younger guy? How about a guy that loves motorcycles? The happiest relationships share fundamental values, compatible interests, and travel deeper than what is on the surface.

#2 Don’t Let Anxiety Hold You Back

Dating is filled with uncertainty, and it can be intimidating. Instinctively, you may feel a bit of anxiety about the whole thing, and start to avoid dating altogether. Or if you are putting yourself out there, you may decide to floor it in reverse once things really get going.

Instead of worrying and focusing on the negative, imagine the best-case scenario. Picture the two of you reaching that destination together. Let yourself feel happy. Don’t let worry halt your chances of finding love.

#3 Ditch The Baggage and Travel Light

In To Date A Man, You Must Understand A Man, you learn all about baggage handling. The message is simple, and as plain to see as a flashing street sign. Don’t let your baggage slow you down.

Remember, men have baggage too, and they find it refreshing when we are honest and unload it right from the start. As long as you keep it light and positive, you should have nothing but green lights ahead. He will, in turn, feel comfortable enough to let you in on his baggage as well. Get it out there and leave it all behind. That’s the best way to start your journey together — traveling light!

Why Can’t I Find Love? #4 Stay on Track and Keep Moving Forward

Many of us get scared when we get too close. That old baggage resurfaces again, and we start making comparisons. We don’t want to get hurt again. We become unsure, or we become afraid to make a commitment. So we put up walls and distance ourselves from love, making it virtually impossible to move forward.

Don’t get stuck in your own head. You may think you are protecting yourself from a major disaster, but in reality, you are just preventing yourself from reaching the place where you really want to be. If you’re not open to love, you will never get there. Stay on track, move past the fear, and make a choice to keep your heart open.

There is a lot of dating advice for women out there. Because love CAN be a difficult road filled with obstacles. But the fact is, we may just be responsible for some of those roadblocks. Like a good Driver’s Ed refresher course, sometimes we need a little reminder to avoid the things that get in the way of our happiness.

Click HERE and learn How to Enjoy Being Single!

The finish line is in sight — so avoid those roadblocks, and enjoy the ride!

How to Make a Great First Impression on a Date

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Do you want to know how to spark an instant connection with someone new? Here are some simple to follow dating tips that will help you make a great first impression!

Of course you want to make a great first impression when you meet someone new, especially when that someone is a handsome potential boyfriend. It’s actually easier than you would think! Here are four simple dating tips to help you shine….

Nix The Narcissism

It’s easy to get caught up in a one-sided conversation, where you talk non-stop about yourself in an effort to impress, especially when your nerves take over. Sadly, this tactic will usually backfire, leaving him disinterested, and leaving you wondering why. The next time you meet a new man, avoid the temptation to over-share. Instead of making it all about you, keep the conversation flowing back and forth. Of course, don’t interrogate him with questions. But do encourage him to talk about himself now and then. Respond with genuine interest, and really get to know each other!

Stay Cool, Calm, And Collected

It’s normal to feel a little anxious and jittery on a first date. But don’t let your nerves get the best of you! Take a deep breath, relax and focus on him. Chances are he’s just as nervous as you, so make him feel at ease and the conversation will flow naturally! Speaking of conversation, remember to speak slowly and clearly. Rambling on is a sure sign of insecurity. Men are attracted to confidence, and if he feels comfortable when he’s with you he will want to spend more time with you!

Be Mindful Of Body Language

According to Psychology Today, being in sync with another person is attractive. If you adjust your posture to match his, and follow his gestures, it will make you infinitely more alluring. To establish an instant connection, mirror the tilt of his head, make eye contact, smile when he smiles, and shift your body along with him. We can communication volumes with our bodies! Occasionally lean in toward him when he says something interesting. Keep you feet pointed forward towards him, with your legs uncrossed and comfortable. Arms should be also be uncrossed in a natural position with your hands relaxed and open. And be a bit flirtatious by playfully touching your jewelry or your hair. This is all considered positive body language, a hot topic when it comes dating advice for women!

Keep Things Real

If you’ve read any of my books, you know self-esteem is a key issue in my dating advice for women. You are a quality woman, and you should never change yourself for anyone or give up who you are, especially for a man. Don’t lie and say things just to impress a guy. Be open and honest about your likes and dislikes right from the start, and let him get to know the real you, and how amazing you are! If he doesn’t like you for who you are, or if you don’t have anything in common, he’s not a good fit for you anyway! Don’t sweat it. You can have your pick of men, and your perfect match may be just around the corner waiting to have an instant connection with you!

If your new acquaintance doesn’t heed this advice, cut him some slack if he makes a less than stellar first impression. Nerves can get the best of him too, and there may be a great guy hidden beneath all that narcissistic, insecure rambling. Now if he still makes it all about him when you meet again, that’s a whole ‘nother story!

Are You Ready for a Relationship?

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5 Signs you’re Ready for a Relationship

There are many reasons you may be ready for a relationship – or not. Age, recent relationship failures, abuse or a host of other things in your past may be playing a role.

Unfortunately, due to some basic urges and needs we all have, we never consider this question before we enter into a new relationship. The sad thing is that you could find Mr. Right, but you’re Ms. Wrong because you’re just not ready.

It’s Kirbie today and in this three-part series, we’re going to examine whether or not you’re ready for a relationship. Next week, we will look at whether or not he is ready.

I’ll give you some subtle things you can look for to help you figure it out. Finally, we’ll wrap it up with some tips on getting yourself ready for a relationship.

You’ve Given up the Party Every Night Lifestyle

Having fun is great – in fact, it’s essential to take time to have fun. The problem is when you party too much or too often. Regardless of your age, you should not be partying to a point where you don’t remember how you got home.

Nor, should you be spending every waking hour partying. Going to a bar once in a while to hang out with your friends or inviting them over for a glass of wine is fine. Having the bartender know your favorite beer and how many to have ready for you per hour is a problem.

You Have Direction

how to know if you're not ready for a relationship

Do you have a clear path of where you want to go?

In order to be ready for a relationship, you need to be able to face life head-on and have some goals. What career path are you following or planning to follow? Where do you want to live? What type of home do you want to have? Do you want to travel? Do you want children? Are you even ready to move in with a guy?

If you’re older, do you want to date someone with younger children, or have more children with a new guy? Do you want to relocate? You need to know all of these things in order to know what type of man you should target.

You Have Your Act Together

Gregg talks about this a lot in his dating advice best seller, To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself, so I won’t drone on about it because you’ve surely already read it. Having your act together means you not only have direction, but you have a life of your own.

You have found some things you enjoy doing, and you have friends with whom you do them. You are living within your means and either have, or are building a solid financial base for yourself.

You take care of yourself be eating right, exercising and practicing self-care. You do this because you are worth it, not because someone tells you too.

This also means that you know what your values are. You have an opinion about things like spirituality, politics, work ethics, money, how you treat others, and a host of other things.

Again, these things will help you figure out what type of man you should be pursuing because his value system will be very similar to yours.

You Value the Opinions of Others

When you are a confident woman who is ready for a relationship, you have the ability to not only hear the opinions of others, but to value their side, whether or not you agree. This is also important because it means you have world experiences that have provided you with those opinions.

Nothing turns a guy off faster than for you to giggle and say “Gee, I dunno” when he says “What do you think of [insert random topic here]”. I’m not telling you that you need to become some sort of information savant, I’m saying stay tuned into things going on around you.

Think about things you hear about in the news and form an educated opinion. Take an interest in life.

Fill your life with knowledge so you have opinions!

For example, even if you don’t like football, you can still say something intelligent. He may ask, “What did you think of that Patriots win last weekend?” Now, if I were to be asked that question, I’d say something like “Well, it was better to watch that than the awful beating my Steelers took!”

BAM. BUT, I’m a huge sports fan, let’s get back to you – and you’re not so saying something like “Well, I didn’t see the game myself, but I saw the score – impressive!” will at least keep you out of trouble. I mean, come on-you can see that stuff on Facebook!

After you feed him a happy sports tidbit, steer the conversation to something you can speak more about, like “I saw a great piece on hiking in the Smokey’s last week. Do you enjoy hiking?”

You Put the Interests of Others before Your Own

This is a biggie. Too many people in relationships are only looking out for themselves. It’s immature, and it screams, “I lack confidence”. If you’re in a great relationship, you’re always looking out for one another. You’ve got his back and he has yours.

I’m not saying you need to dote on him day and night – so don’t take my words in that way. You then run the risk of making him your hobby, and, again – you’ve read Gregg’s books, so you already know this is a no-no.

Are you ready for a serious relationship?

Here’s an example: you let him go golfing with his buddies on a Saturday morning, rather than whine about the lawn needing to be mowed. Take that time and do something you enjoy.

If you really want to drive him nuts, head out just before he is due to leave, wearing an outfit he has admired in the past, and say something like “See ya when you get home, Honey. I’m going to spend the morning with Victoria looking for a new gym to join.”

He’ll be home from golf as soon as the game is over, and he’ll be wondering all morning what you’re up to. He’ll also be pretty likely to get that lawn mowed before the weekend ends (and isn’t that what you wanted him to do in the first place?).

Here are a few more signs you are ready:

You’re not always trying to ‘fix’ him
You understand the importance of communication
Nobody needs to ‘complete’ you
You understand what has caused your past relationships to fail
You’re worthy of a good man
Your main goal in life every day is to avoid, not stir up, drama

In part 2 of this series, we will examine how to determine whether or not your guy is ready for a relationship, without being obvious about it.

Going on a First Date? 3 Keys to Eliminating the Stress

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After

Going on a first date is kind of a big deal! Will I like him? How about his personality? Will it go well or be a complete waste of time? What will we talk about? And most importantly, what will I wear?! For most, first dates are very stressful, but if you follow these tips, you could have fun on a first date instead! Today, I’ve got some things for you to take to heart before your next first date.

Getting to know someone new, especially someone you are attracted to, can be a daunting task! You keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best. You pray this first date will be better than your last date, which was just crappy. But, having the right frame of mind going into it can make a huge difference in how the date goes, weather he’s a keeper or another dud. Let’s review a few tips which will start your date off on the right foot — whether you decide to wear flats, or stilettos!

Key #1: Take the Pressure Off

If you are like most women, you stress about a first date for days. When it’s finally time to start getting ready, you get serious jitters. In his relationship advice, Gregg always body language says just as much as words, so be careful not to let nerves get the better of you. Confidence is attractive! Good conversation will flow naturally if you are comfortable. A genuine smile right off the bat always helps make a good first impression.

Even if he’s not “the one” for you, you can still have a great time and maybe make a new friend. When you take the pressure to impress off the table, things will go more smoothly for everyone. Remember, he’s in the same first date boat as you! If he feels at ease around you, he may just fall in love with you!

Key #2: Be Your Authentic Self

When going on a first date, and in life, it’s important to be your authentic self.

Don’t change your personality or the way you dress because you think it will impress a guy
Don’t say you love skydiving as much as he does if you’re afraid of heights
Don’t show up in a sexy dress covered in bling if you’re a jeans and cute t-shirts kind of girl
Wear something comfortable something which best represents your own personal style

Let him get to know the real you, your interests, your likes and dislikes, even if they are different from his. How will you know if you are a good fit for each other if you are not honest from the get-go? It’s like false advertising. In the end, you will both be disappointed.

Key #3: Have the Right Mindset

Stop wondering if he could be “the one”. Don’t immediately consider whether or not you see yourself myself marrying this guy. Start focusing on how nice it is to get to know someone new and leave it at that. This is a first date and there is no rush, so ditch the checklist and keep an open mind. You might be pleasantly surprised to see sparks flying as you learn more about him, even if he doesn’t initially fit the mold you’ve created in your mind for the perfect man. Maybe you will never see this person again, and that’s okay too. At the least, you will walk away knowing a little more about yourself and what you want and don’t want. Going on a first date with a positive mindset means it won’t matter if it things don’t work out, and you won’t leave feeling discouraged.

First dates can actually be fun instead of stressful! Leave all your terrible first dates in the past, and take these three keys to heart going forward. Even if he’s not Mr. Right, when the next first date opportunity presents itself, go for it again! Maybe this time the first date will lead to a second, or a goodnight kiss, or maybe even happily ever after!

Wanted – One Great Guy – Losers Need Not Apply!

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WANTED: Attractive girl willing to be mother/martyr to a jobless jerk with junker car and no interest in changing my bad habits. Don’t clean, don’t cook, don’t care – just kicked out of my mother’s house and need to find a home for me and my basement full of Star Wars collectibles. Willing to tattoo your name to my list of “I love ____” on my biceps but draw the line at actual commitment beyond being able to use your credit cards. Allergic to your pets and friends but you’ll have plenty of company taking care of mine when you’re not fulfilling my sexual fantasies or cleaning up after me. Text me at XXXX and I’ll tell you when and where to pick me up.

Is this an ad from the man of your dreams? If the guy you’re with wrote an honest ad, would this be how it read? I know most of my books talk about how to get a guy, keep a guy, or get him back, but there are times when you need to know when to get rid of him.

Just because you’re with him – or want to be – doesn’t mean you should. I hear from so many women who are carrying all the weight of their relationship, and if they let go, there wouldn’t be one. If you are lonely, tired, and your best day was before you got into this relationship, take yourself out to a cool coffee or tea bar with this list of questions.

But first, the non-negotiables: addictive, angry, or abusive guys have no business being part of your long-term plans. You’ll want professional help in getting rid of him though, because they won’t let go of someone who enables their bad behavior without a fight.

Ask yourself these questions:

Is he meeting my needs? Does he even know (or care) what they are?
Does he treat me with respect, or am I the “old ball and chain”?
Does he like my friends? Do they like him? Do I like his? Does he even have any?
If there’s a conflict with his family or friends, does he ever take my side or is it always them?
Does he remember important dates? Does he remember with flowers or a heavy sigh and tales of when he was single and happy?
Can he laugh at himself? Can I laugh at him? Do we ever laugh together?
Do our goals align? Kids? College? Career? City condo or country house?
Do we have the same views on handling money?
When we don’t agree on something, can we work out a compromise that we can both live with, or am I usually expected to give in?
Are our religions compatible?
Do I trust him? How does he drive when I’m in the car?
If we’re at a restaurant and the food arrives cold, how does he handle it?

If you’re getting a whole bunch of no’s, then tune in to my next article for how and where to say see you later, sayonara, chow baby, I’m outta here. Also, read my best seller, Weed Out The Losers, The Couch Potatoes and The Losers today!

3 Simple Rules To Help Women Exude Confidence (and Get the Guy)

Build Confidence, Date Great Men

How to Exude Confidence as a Woman

Hi Ladies! This next article is about how to exude confidence as a woman. It’s part cautionary tale, part good advice, from our guest contributor Jen (printed with her permission)….

My name is Jen, and I had this friend growing up who always lived in the shadow of her older sister. They were both equally pretty and equally smart, but somehow, the older sister had all the confidence, while the younger sister had none.

True to form, the older sister was head cheerleader, Homecoming Queen, and Valedictorian in high school, and after graduation she left our small town for college in the big city.

She now has a doctorate degree, married a professional athlete, and lives in a gorgeous house on the west coast with their two children.

The younger sister went to college closer to home, and after she got her undergrad degree, her famous brother-in-law set her up with a job as a personal assistant to one of his even more famous friends.

I found out after the fact that she quickly started sleeping with her movie star boss…. who was much older – and married by the way. Obviously, the movie star’s wife left him because – well – he was a cheater.

Fast-forward ten years. The younger sister is still single. Sure, she dated quite a few guys since the affair, but nothing seemed to stick. The movie star, on the other hand, is remarried — to a much younger woman who looks strikingly similar to my friend.

How to exude confidence as a woman – Believe in Yourself!

They have a baby on the way. On paper, the two women were interchangeable, but there was something one had that the other didn’t. Why did the movie star marry someone who could be my friend’s doppelgänger? And why did the life of the older sister take such a different path?

I guess you can chalk it all up to one thing — confidence. It’s pretty hard to get the guy if you don’t have it. Sleeping with a married man who is also your boss does not scream, in the words of Gregg Michaelsen, “Hey, I’m a quality woman who deserves respect!” She had so much to offer and sadly, she just gave it away.

How to Exude Confidence as a Woman Rule #1

Whether you’re dating a celebrity or a regular Joe, you’re not a challenge if you sleep with him right away. And guys like a challenge. He probably won’t see you as wife material either (even if you are).

Your grandma’s advice may actually have some truth to it. He won’t buy the cow if he gets the milk for free, and if you’re not a girl he can bring home to his Mama, he won’t.

On the flip side, remember you are the chooser, so own it and choose wisely. A quality woman deserves a quality man, not someone else’s cheating husband (even if he is rich and famous)!

Rule #2 is all about Appearances

Sure, wearing your favorite dress makes you feel beautiful, and that can give you a boost in confidence. But it goes beyond that. Have you ever noticed a very pretty girl sitting alone at a bar, while all the guys pay attention to her less pretty friend? Confidence is attractive!

Not only does she have interesting things to say, but her poses, posture, and mannerisms are also conveying a message. You can tell a lot about a person in how they carry themselves, and body language speaks volumes! If you stand up straight, look people in the eye and flash a genuine smile, guys will notice.

How to Exude Confidence as a Woman Rule #3

The third and last rule is all about what’s inside.

If you feel comfortable, it will show in the same way insecurities do. Don’t worry about impressing people, and be true to yourself. If he doesn’t love you for who you are, he’s not worth your time and effort.

When you stop worrying and stop trying so hard, you may just stumble across the perfect guy for you — someone who will love you unconditionally, insecurities and all.

Is “The List” Really the Right List?

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What Women Look for in a Man – Are they the Right Things?

We all have “the list” – you know – the list of things we want and don’t want in our partners. Hi all, Kirbie today and I wanted to share with you why you may want to re-evaluate “the list” – make sure your list is the right list.

First, I’ll share with you what qualities I look for in a man:

Educated (at least some college, preferably graduated)
A true gentleman – you know, opens doors and that sort of thing
Lives in my town – I don’t want to relocate
Not obese
Belongs to certain ethnic groups
Is not a couch potato
Someone who doesn’t have young children
No motorcycles
Shares my religious beliefs

Those are the basics – but how many of them should I really hang on to when I look at potential suitors? Is this the right list?

Everyone needs their must have list!

The key is to stay away from the “always or never syndrome”. It goes something like this – “I would never date someone who didn’t graduate from college!” Why? Truly, I could give some on this one, but my experience with men (limited as it is) tells me that I relate better to men who have at least attended college – I don’t know why – and yes, I have dated men who did not – I’m still single.

Of course, I have dated men who did go to college and I’m still single – so that one might not be as important as I think. What is more important to me is that he’s not a slacker. I was raised to believe that means he went to college. I’m working on it, okay?

In his work as a dating coach, Gregg often encourages women to make a list of things they want in a boyfriend or husband, and this is a good thing to do, don’t get me wrong, but the question is are we holding too tight and fast to that list, or is the list full of the right criteria – I ask again – is it the right list?

Generally speaking, try not to rule out things you’ve never experienced. I did once ride a motorcycle – it was a high school friend – I doubt he went over 2 miles per hour with me screaming in his ear – we were chasing my dog, who ran like a jack rabbit.

I was terrified! Is that one based on real experience – maybe a little, but I was probably 17, so it might be worth a re-evaluation. It’s important not to generalize one experience to all men – good or bad.

For heaven’s sake, don’t look at someone’s income. I wish dating profiles didn’t contain this piece of information. If a man puts his income down and it’s rather high, I immediately feel like a gold-digger if I click like, even though I am definitely doing it for other reasons.

How much money a man makes says nothing of his character. He could be a real jerk, or he could be a true sweetheart. His bank account won’t tell you this, but there are other ways to find out if he’s a keeper.

You may want a guy who comes from a ‘good family’. This is all well and good, but I know a number of men, my father included, whose family leaves a bit to be desired in the “good” category, and he is a great man, admired by many and quite successful. good qualities in a man

I know other men who fall into the same category. Give a man a chance to be better than his family. Yes, if you get married, you’re ‘stuck’ with these people, but find out how he feels about them and how he reacts to them before you make any blanket statements.

What Women Look for in a Man

If you are contemplating dumping him because he’s not so hot in the sack, give him a break. Maybe you aren’t either – and he’s still around. The key here is that you’re not communicating. You need to gently guide him toward making your experience better, and you need to inquire about the job you’re doing. People are so embarrassed to talk about this and they’d rather go look for someone else, than open up. Just talk for Pete’s sake.

Suppose your guy has health issues – maybe even an STD. Well, forewarned is forearmed. I once dated someone with an STD. He was very open and honest about it, we took the proper precautions and I have no residual impact from dating him.

I did not get his STD. For other health issues, I ask you this – what if this health issue had not come along until you were married for 10 years? Would it be cause for a divorce?

What about a guy who won’t give up Mommy – or living with the folks? Well, let me tell you that a Momma’s boy is often a man who treats women with the utmost respect. What’s so wrong with that? If he lives with his parents, it’s worth investigating the reason before immediately dismissing him. If he considers this a temporary situation – i.e. he is getting back on his feet after a divorce or he is saving up to buy a house – it might not be such a bad thing.

Of course, you do want him to feel motivated to move out, but it shouldn’t be an automatic deal-breaker. As for mom – you need to see just how attached they are and decide whether or not you can deal with it. As Gregg mentions in Manimals, if you are committed to making friends with mom, you two can be a great team, both looking out for her baby.

Does your potential guy take medication for depression or anxiety? You probably think this is something worthy of cutting the cord, but I ask you to reconsider. Yes, he has some mental health issues, but so does about 10% of the population. This guy is seeking medical treatment, which many of the others are not. Give him credit for trying to work through his problem.

My point is this – yes, you should definitely have some criteria that you hold fast to, like religious beliefs and core values, but outside of that, how important are some of your criteria? Are you using these criteria to keep men away? Is this more a symptom of your fear of dating or your lack of confidence?

A while back, I wrote an article, Women are Their Own Worst Enemies, in which I spoke about how we perceive ourselves and our ability to attract a great guy. It may be worth checking out that article and asking yourself the questions above again after you do.

What Women Look for in a Man

What is your criteria – where would you be willing to compromise? Is your list the right list?

More Men! More Men! More Men! Find the Right Man by Dating Lots of Men

Date Great Men

Hello, I’m Kirbie and I’m a data nerd. There, I said it, phew. You probably really don’t care, but what means to you is that when I am doing a Google® search for something and I see words like “survey results” or “poll” I get all warm and squishy. Recently, I found a poll on how men and women date – so that’s why you just got about 60 words on my nerdiness. The thing I found interesting in the poll, and what I want to talk about today is how to find the right man by dating lots of men.

I was surprised, then again if I give it a second thought, not so surprised, to see that women are more likely to date more than one man at a time than a man is to date more than one woman at a time. Too often, I come across women who, young or “old”, have not dated many men in their lives.

If you’re like me, closer to retirement than college, you may have come from an age of going to college to get your Mrs. degree. While my generation of women was starting to go to college to actually learn a skill and have a career, that was not really the focus for all young women. I dated maybe three guys in high school, marrying one of them 2 years out of high school – and divorcing him 12 years and four children later.

That was how our class did it – many people were together consistently through high school. We were one of the few couples who married, however, as many of the others wised up. I happened to be severely lacking confidence at that point in my life, though, so I hung onto him with a tight grasp. Looking back, three guys was not very many. Even in my high school job, there was one guy and a bunch of girls – I worked in a pharmacy. In college, I was so wrapped up in this same high school boyfriend that I never even looked at other guys – okay, maybe once when I was really drunk…

So, we married and we divorced, and I was put back into the dating scene in my 30’s with 3 men under my belt, still little confidence and 4 kids.

Don’t you feel like ‘and a partridge in a pear tree’ belongs here?

I quickly found another guy – after all – I needed to feel loved. I latched onto him and ended up in a very bad, almost dangerous, situation that lasted for a couple of years. From there, I found another guy – also bad, and another – again – bad. Still, I can count on 6-7 fingers the number of men I’ve dated since my divorce – 20 years ago – and I have not been able to find the right guy.

It’s no wonder I can’t find a quality guy. I can say that I have gone out on a few first (and only) dates, maybe 4 or 5, during that time, but at 52, I haven’t even dated more than a dozen men. I think I know what kind of guy I’d like, but do I? How can I? There are ‘types’ of men I’ve never even considered, in fact, if I look back, I’ve basically dated two distinct types of guys – the highly driven, well-educated type and the lazy, not-so-well educated type. I’ve never dated a ‘biker dude’ (mostly because of my very real fear of motorcycles), an older guy – or for that matter a younger guy, someone from another country, someone of another race, or a host of other ‘types’. I shy away from professionals like doctors, dentists and accountants, but I have dated a lawyer and my ex was an engineer.

I use this filter still to weed out men, even though, something inside me says ‘go for it fool’. Do you have ‘a list’ – a filter? Check out this post on having a list of man criteria. Many of the women I come across through the WhoHoldsTheCards website are in the same boat. My advice to them is to date more men – and I should take my own advice – physician heal thyself – date ‘off’ the list.

To that end, I am going to make a deal with you – you try to date more men, and I will too. It’s early August, so I have 5 months left in this year – my goal is to date 15 men during that time. Fifteen first dates at least – to test the waters, and I’m going to try out some of those types I’ve not tried before.

If you would like to join me on my quest to find the right man by dating more men, place a comment below and tell me how many men you’ll commit to dating over the next 5 months. We will help each other! I’ll share my stories with you as I go on, and you can too if you want! Deal?