How to Not be Nervous for a Date

How to Not be Nervous for a Date

Date Great Men

We’ve all been there and it’s very nerve-wracking, but today I’d like to share with you 12 tips to show you how to not be nervous for a date.

Your gut is seizing and nausea is roiling and you’re thinking about shooting him a text with an excuse to postpone the date, but did you know he might be feeling the same way? Date nervousness isn’t exclusive to women. Men experience it too!

Still, dates can be great experiences with the right mindset. Instead of worrying about what to wear, how to fix your hair and makeup and whether he’ll like you, focus on the twelve tips below. They’ll help you know how to not be nervous for a date.

Right now, you’re placing too much importance on this date. You’re making it seem as if your entire future hinges on this one date, but it doesn’t. Dating isn’t about getting married or even making a commitment, not the first few dates anyway. It’s about seeing how well you might fit. Can you have fun together? Is he someone you enjoy spending time with? Is he an interesting guy?

This is how men look at dating. They don’t look at dating as taking steps toward the alter. They have fun. They enjoy the challenge of getting to know you and the mystery behind who you are.

how to not be nervous for a date

How to Not be Nervous for a Date: Treat it as a Meeting

The best way to ease your nervousness over a first date is to treat it as a meeting, which is what it is. You and this new guy are meeting to see if there is any spark or chemistry. If you know one another before, you’ve probably never dated until now so this is still a first date or meeting to consider becoming a couple.

Even the next few dates can be looked at in this way because that’s what you’re doing. You’re meeting up with a new friend to see if you can become a couple in the future.

Have some talking points

If you met him online or through friends, you might already know something about him. Use this to your advantage and have a few things you can talk about. If his pride and joy is his ’67 corvette, study up a little on them and show interest. If you love something he loves, he will transfer his love of that thing to you over time.

Men love to talk about themselves, so the more homework you do before your meeting, the more prepared you’ll be to feed him questions.

Understand that He’s a Hot Mess of Nerves Too

Any great guy worth having is probably a bundle of nerves before your first few dates too. If he isn’t, there’s a better than even chance that he’s a player who goes on a lot of dates and has his own system in place.

Assuming your guy is a great guy, he’s just as worried about saying the wrong thing or looking dumb in front of you. How you both survive one of you making some sort of goof will determine how your relationship will go, moving forward. If someone goofs, poke a little fun, in a nice way, maybe with a tad of humorous self-deprecation.

If you trip over your own feet or accidentally spill a little coffee, it’s fine. He’ll love it and it’ll make him feel better about anything that happened to him.

how to not be nervous for a date

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date | Don’t ‘Clear Your Day’

You’ve got a date with a great guy and you’re so nervous about getting ready that you take the day off and clear the schedule for the entire day so you have plenty of time to get ready.

I’ve done this myself. If I had a hot date planned for that evening, I’d clear the day to wash my car, plan my route and prepare myself for the date. The problem is that when it was time for the date, I was so nervous because I’d focused my entire day on it, that I could barely function.

Instead, stay busy with other plans. Go on with your day as normal and prepare yourself as you would for a girls’ night out. Slip on something comfortable, do your hair and makeup as you would for any other occasion and be yourself.

Stop With the Worst-Case Scenarios

Your anxiety is ratcheting up and the what-if’s are starting. Recognize this for what it is – date anxiety. It’s normal, but that doesn’t mean you need to feed it. When those what-if’s start showing up, stomp them down. What if he doesn’t show up? His loss! What if he hates you? His loss! What if he’s an axe murderer? What are the odds, really?

Anxiety creeps in and we don’t often recognize it for what it is. Take some deep breaths and gain control of your thoughts. Instead of allowing this anxious train of thought to continue, find something to watch on Netflix or turn on some music and start singing along. Do anything to change your train of thought.

Desensitize Yourself to Dating

The real issue with dating anxiety is fear. You’re doing something new and you’re afraid of the outcome. There are two things to do to eliminate this fear. One is to realize that just because this guy isn’t into you, or vice versa, doesn’t mean no guy will be into you. He simply isn’t the right one.

The second thing to realize is that the best way to eliminate a fear of something is to desensitize yourself to it. This means exposing yourself to more of what you’re afraid of until the fear dissipates.

What does all that mean? Go on more dates! Yes! The very thing that is striking fear in you now – dating – is the one thing you need to do more of.

But I hear you – “Gregg, there aren’t that many great guys out there.” And my response to you is “Oh, but there are, you just don’t know where to look!”

How to find the man of your dreams

Date a few guys who rank in the so-so category if you must, just to get the exposure. At the least, maybe you come out of it with a new friend. Just make sure he understands that it’s just a friendship so there are no hurt feelings.

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date | Keep it Short

Don’t plan a date that will last for hours. Instead, plan a coffee date where you can meet someplace casual and relax into the comfy chairs. If things go well, you can certainly plan a longer date, but make any first meetings short.

If you’re looking for how to not be nervous for a date, this is a great one because a coffee date is, by nature, a more casual, laid-back experience.

Be Involved with Planning the Meeting

Get involved in planning your meeting so you have some say in what you do and where the meeting will happen. If you allow him to do it, he may be more inclined to either bail on the date or plan it someplace where he’s more comfortable, but you aren’t.

Give him a few suggestions and make them closer to your comfort zone. This not only feels more comfortable to you but it’s safer and will keep your anxiety at bay.

Relax

One great tip for how to not be nervous for a date is to chill. Relax and remember not to place so much importance on this two hours of your life. Think about it – it’s two hours, if that, of your entire life and, as you recall, if he doesn’t like you, it’s his loss!

Use anxiety-busting tools like playing music or taking a short walk. Splash some cold water on your face before you do your makeup or take a few deep breaths. When you consider what to wear, go with something comfortable, rather than something new or something that makes you squirm because it’s too tight or doesn’t fit properly.

Keep It to Yourself

It isn’t necessary to share this meeting with your entire Facebook friends group or blast it on Instagram. In fact, I suggest you tell one close friend so someone knows where you are, but otherwise, keep it to yourself. Other people will try to be helpful, but they’ll only provide advice you don’t need to hear. Friends will push their own anxiety on you with stressors over what to wear and so on.

Make it Fun!

The worst date is sitting down to dinner with someone in some high-end, or even middle grade restaurant. All you have to entertain yourselves is one another. The stress of carrying on a conversation can become overwhelming, especially if one or both of you are introverts.

Instead, make your first dates and meetings fun. Go bowling or go prowl a farmer’s market. Go watch a sport you both enjoy together or go somewhere that relates to a hobby one or both of you have, like antiques or cars or photography. Even a museum or an art gallery is better than a dinner date because there are conversation starters all over the place.

Workout Prior to Your Date

When you workout, two things happen. One is that it alleviates any anxiety chemicals that are coursing through your veins. The other is that it produces endorphins, or happy hormones as some call them, and you get a lift.

This will help your confidence shine through, instead of your anxiety.

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date

Most long-lasting relationships start out as great friendships. Remember this as you head into your next date or first meeting with a guy. Work on building a great friendship and don’t worry about how long it will be before he buys you a ring.

Date to have fun and learn more about him, not to find milestones that you think show he wants to marry you. I guarantee you he’s oblivious to such milestones so don’t bother with them. Guys date to have fun and you should too! Use this time to determine not only if he’s a great guy, but also if he’s the right guy for you. Take your time and enjoy the process! Take the pressure off by not worrying about getting married after the first date!

Remember the tips you’ve read here and go have yourself a great time!

Do you have your Night Moves down? Are you ready to go out and get a guy to fall for you, using science and not trickery? If so, this is the book for you! I’ve done the research, and you get to benefit. Here are the steps you can take, whether you’re headed out on a first date or going out with your friends to look for men. The science behind attraction is just a few clicks away!

Here are just a couple of things you’ll learn inside this best-seller:

  • Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction…learn why inside
  • Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal…but what signal? Learn inside the book
  • You can get a guy to feel like he’s falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

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Finding the Man of Your Dreams

Finding the Man of Your Dreams

Date Great Men

Like some of my coaching clients, have you given up on finding the man of your dreams? I hope not, but in case you have, keep reading because I have some good news!

There is a way to find Mr. Wonderful. You’ve just been doing it wrong.

While it might seem as if swiping left or right on a dating app will land you a great guy, there are better ways. The longer dating apps run, the more likely it is you’ll find a loser or someone who’s catfishing. Instead, try some of these ideas!

Know What You Want

Take a few sheets of paper and write the name of each man you’ve dated at the top of each piece. Each guy gets his own sheet of paper.

Next, write his positive qualities on one side and his negative qualities on the other. After you’ve done this for all the men of your past, start looking for patterns. If a positive quality repeats a few times, write it on a new piece of paper, starting a list of positive traits.

Do the same with the negative traits. Those that repeat need to go on a negative trait list.

Next, look at the positive traits. These are the most appealing to you because they show up most in the men you date. Find two or three that are requirements and make the rest possible, but not necessary.

Do the same with the negative traits. You’re gravitating to a certain type of guy who carries some negative traits too but it’s time to stop. Take the top three or so and make them non-negotiable. These traits can’t exist in your new guy. The rest of the negative traits are negotiable but not dealbreakers.

You’re now one step closer to finding the man of your dreams. You now know what your Mr. Wonderful looks like, kind of, and you can seek out men with these traits who lack the negative dealbreakers.

finding the man of your dreams

Finding the Man of Your Dreams: Deal with Any Baggage

We all have baggage. Some of it can be put on a cart and rolled out of your life. Baggage includes guilt, regret, fear, criticism, trust issues, being defensive, and trauma from past events. These things hold you back from having an honest, open, and healthy relationship.

When you bring that into a new relationship, it’s almost a guarantee that your effort at finding the man of your dreams will fail. Instead, change your outlook on life from one of gloom and doom to more of a glass half-full outlook.

You can also practice self-care. I have a great book on self-care that might help you get started.

Having an effective self-care routine is crucial to your daily peace and happiness, but many people falsely believe that self-care is simply taking a hot bath with a glass of wine and some candles.

There are so many other ways to enjoy a self-care routine and this book walks you through them, providing you with many choices on how you can implement a self-care routine into your schedule. 

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Another way to move past baggage is to get back out there and hang out with your friends, or make new ones. Just make sure that either way, they’re positive people, not negative.

The final way to deal with emotional baggage is to seek professional help. Sometimes the baggage is bigger than being happy and doing some self-care.

Convey the Image of a Confident Woman

Even if you don’t feel confident, start acting like a confident woman. Dress as if you care about your appearance. Fix your hair or get a fresh cut. Wear a little make up and take pride in your appearance. This sends a clear message to people who see you that you have self-esteem and self-worth.

When you put this kind of work into finding the man of your dreams, you’re sure to have success! Men can sniff out confident women without much effort. They look and act differently than low confidence women. So that means it’s time to get to work on that confidence and there are some great tools and resources for you here.

finding the man of your dreams

Finding the Man of Your Dreams by Re-Engaging with Life

Sometimes when confidence is down, you disengage with life, but it’s time to get back out there now. Make a list of fifty things you’d like to do. These can be daily activities like running or working out, team activities like volleyball or soccer, or even trips you’d like to take or occasional activities like scuba diving or hiking.

After you’ve made your list, set to work on accomplishing some of them. Join a team and play rec league soccer. Join a local group that shares an interest in the same things you’ve written down. You can often find them on Meetup.com.

When you get involved in groups and activities like this, finding the man of your dreams gets a whole lot easier. He’s doing those activities too so you’ll instantly have something in common!  This makes for a great start to a relationship.

Begin to Believe

If you’re walking around with a negative attitude about finding a great guy, you never will. Instead, start to believe that you can find him. We tend to gravitate toward what we believe, so if your belief is that you won’t find a great guy, that’s what will happen.

Stay Positive

Living a life full of positivity instead of negativity sets you on a better course for success. Positivity stretches into all aspects of your life, not just dating. If your friends are negative, it’s time for new friends, which you can find in those activities you’re engaging in.

One thing you can do to focus on the positives is to start a gratitude journal. Find things every day to be grateful for and commit to finding new things every day. You can’t be grateful for your best friend every day. Be grateful for finding everything on your grocery list or for a warm sunny day.

Finding the Man of Your Dreams is a Mindset

Finding the man of your dreams is a lot, but not totally about your mindset, as you’ve read, but it’s also about getting out there in the right places.

Bars are great, but that’s not where many of the great guys hang out. You’re more likely to find them when you’re volunteering somewhere or engaging in an activity you enjoy.

The great men aren’t hiding, you just didn’t know where to look!

Do you have your Night Moves down? Are you ready to go out and get a guy to fall for you, using science and not trickery? If so, this is the book for you! I’ve done the research, and you get to benefit. Here are the steps you can take, whether you’re headed out on a first date or going out with your friends to look for men. The science behind attraction is just a few clicks away!

Here are just a couple of things you’ll learn inside this best-seller:

  • Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction…learn why inside
  • Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal…but what signal? Learn inside the book
  • You can get a guy to feel like he’s falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

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How to Not Date a Jerk

How to Not Date a Jerk

Build Confidence, Date Great Men

Have you ever wondered how to not date a jerk? They seem to be everywhere. No matter how hard you try to avoid them, they seem to ooze out of the woodwork like roaches waiting to pounce.

To be clear, today, we’re talking about lazy, unmotivated, broke, selfish guys who put on a heck of a show for the first few dates and then show their true colors.

Slow Your Roll

Take the time to get to know the man you’re dating, especially if he’s pushing you. Screen him with a phone or zoom call. If he checks out, schedule a daytime date in public.

Daytime dates offer him little chance to have sex with you and help reveal his true character. Don’t have sex with him or you’ll be blinded by your emotions. Hold off until he has proven himself to be worthy of you.

how to not date a jerk

How to Not Date a Jerk: Watch for Patterns to Emerge

Dating is like a marketing exercise. You both want to show your best side to the other person, so you try to hide any baggage and stay on your best behavior.

You won’t hear about the rash around his balls or his drinking problem, and you won’t have a clue that his ex is poking a look-alike voodoo doll of his face with sewing needles.

His true colors usually arrive near the three-month mark of your relationship. The curtain falls and the real man steps forward. He begins to feel comfortable with you and you haven’t dumped him yet, so he feels a little safer showing more of his true colors.

Until you reach this milestone, keep your emotions in check and try not to sleep with him yet. If he respects you, he’ll wait and so far, he hasn’t yet fully proven himself worthy of you. If he’s pushing for sex and trying to crash your boundaries, it might be time to let him go.

Don’t let this guy meet your kids until you’re sure he’s not just another jerk. This keeps them safe from harm and keeps them from falling for him, only to suffer disappointment later…again.

Date Multiple Men

Before you protest, know that he’s dating other women while you’re still in this early phase of getting to know one another. I recommend you do the same. This keeps you from falling too hard for him and allows you to keep your options open.

If you only date one guy at a time, you believe you can mold him into the guy you want. You don’t see that you have other options, and you fall too hard, too fast. You also don’t get a chance to compare different types of men with clarity.

You will never change this guy! Knowing how to not date a jerk means dating more than one guy!

how to not date a jerk

How to Not Date a Jerk | Know What You Want in a Man

Write down what it is you want from a good man. Think back to other men you’ve dated. What did you like about them? What did you dislike? Form a list of those criteria and look for men who have some of them. You’ll never find the perfect guy. All you need is the guy who’s perfect for you.

Know what your dealbreakers are. For example, do you want to date someone who drinks to excess? Would you rather not date someone in a dangerous job? This is a good exercise, as long as you don’t make the list so strict that no guy will ever qualify. Then, you’re just avoiding a commitment.

Embrace Being Single

After you exit a relationship, remain single for at least four months, preferably longer. I know you might feel lonely and all your friends are dating, blah blah blah. Knowing how to not date a jerk means taking time to reestablish yourself as an independent single woman first.

Doing this gives you time to get to know yourself again, rebuild your confidence, get a handle on the current dating scene and reconnect with friends, hobbies and passions that may have been set aside during that last relationship.

This break from dating also allows you to get over your last relationship fully so you aren’t carrying old relationship baggage into a new, potentially great relationship.

Are You Ready to End it?

Not all breakups are initiated by a man. If you're ready to end this relationship, go for it. Only you know whether you're happy and if the relationship is fulfilling your needs. It's possible that he feels the same way but you're both afraid to take that step. It's okay. Read some of the other articles on the subject by clicking below. They're here to help.

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How to Not Date a Jerk | Meet His Friends

Spend an evening hanging out with his friends and watch how they treat him. Do they show him respect? Does anyone pull you aside and warn you about him? How does he treat them and any other women in the room?

Meeting his friends helps you know more about what he’s really like. What type of guys are they? Are they players? If so, so is he. Guaranteed. If they seem like upstanding guys who have steady girlfriends and jobs, then he’s an upstanding guy too.

Does he get drunk? If so, how does he act then? Does he become someone else entirely? Is he rude, discourteous, angry, jealous, and so on? This isn’t normal behavior for someone who’s drunk, so don’t let him tell you it was the alcohol. Many people can get drunk and be perfectly nice, funny people who never verbally or physically assault anyone.

Conversely, let him meet your friends. They will be bulldogs for you. They can ask him questions you either can’t or won’t. They can dig into his past and are better able to ask him embarrassing questions that might draw out those true colors of his.

The only caveat is that if they give you an opinion you don’t like or even a warning, you should resolve to listen. They aren’t wearing your rose-colored glasses and they have your best interest at heart. If they’re seeing a problem, there is one and you’re choosing to close your eyes to it.

Use Your Intuition

Your intuition is a very powerful tool and yet, you probably ignore it sometimes. We all do if our intuition is telling us something we don’t want to hear. Your gut may be telling you something with this guy is off. Listen to that gut instinct.

Take some time to honestly look at what’s giving you that gut feeling. Is it his behavior or something he said? Did someone else say something to you that’s niggling at the back of your mind?

How to Not Date a Jerk | Look at Your Patterns

Humans are creatures of habit and tend to repeat failures, rather than stop and examine them for potential lessons.

Take some time to look at the past men you’ve dated, especially the ones who squarely fall into the jerk category. What is it about these guys that attracts you? Do you like the feeling of rescuing someone? Is it that you somehow are afraid you aren’t worthy of great guys or you don’t feel as if you can attract men other than these guys?

Take that exercise from above and look at the bad qualities in the men you’ve dated. What about those qualities seems to keep drawing you in? The excitement of dating a bad boy? Are you trying to prove something to someone? Really take the time to examine the why behind finding these guys datable.

Form a list of those negative qualities and immediately dismiss any man who shows even one of them.

Last week, I sat down with a woman named Jennifer who also wondered how not to date a jerk. As we talked, she discovered that she chose broken men ever time. She sought them out. Even if a better guy was sitting right in front of her, she chose the fixer-upper guy instead.

This is a low-confidence, low self-esteem, and low self-worth move. This need to fix others is a way of avoiding fixing yourself. It places you squarely in a co-dependent relationship and those never work long-term.

What Jennifer needs to do is embrace being single, learn to become a confident, independent woman and then seek out a great guy who deserves her. She needs a dating time-out to find herself again and rebuild from the damage of her dating past.

This is called a co-dependent relationship and it will always fail. Her fix? Embrace being single and take my confidence courses along with understanding men. The result? Now she is killing it!

Wrapping it Up

Knowing how to not date a jerk is easy, once you know what to do:

  • Slow your roll
  • Look for patterns
  • Date multiple men
  • Know what you want
  • Embrace being single
  • Meet his friends
  • Look at your dating patterns
  • Trust your intuition

Don’t you think you’ve dated enough losers? Isn’t it time to find a great guy to date? Maybe you think you already have!

This book will help you know for sure! You’ll go in-depth on the good and bad qualities to look for in a man so you an know for sure.

End the guessing game and Weed out the Users!

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Why is it so Hard to Find a Good Man?

Why is it so Hard to Find a Good Man?

Date Great Men

Email after email I receive asks, “Gregg, why is it so hard to find a good man? Where are they?”

If you can even get a date with a guy you meet online, and if he happens to shows up, chances are he will underwhelm you. It’s becoming a problem.

Let’s explore why this might be the case.

13 Answers to Why it is so Hard to Find a Good Man

Getting Laid is Easier Than Ever

Long gone are the days of talking on the phone and setting up a date. Hookup sites have taken away the old ways and provided men and women instant gratification with a simple swipe to the left or right.

Guys can skip the dinner and go straight to dessert. Women who want the dinner find guys are too lazy and why would they? They don’t need to.

Modern dating has turned into casual dating. That sucks for recently divorced older women who desire the old fashion ways of dating.

Why is it so Hard to Find a Good Man? They’re Choosing Not to Grow Up

The man-child is becoming a more common phenenomon as more and more men refuse to take on any responsibilities or mature emotionally. These guys can fool you into believing they’re great men too because they sometimes have successful careers.

This type of guy has what he considers to be valid justifications for his bad behavior and lack of responsible behavior.

why is it so hard to find a good man

Guys are Intimidated by Successful Women

Our society has been dumbed down. Heck, kids get trophies simply for participating. Competition and success don’t get rewarded like the old days. If you grew up thinking average is the new goal, it becomes intimidating to attempt to date an above average woman. Instead, he shies away.

Women ask me if they should forego telling men how successful they are. Really? Is beginning a relationship with a lie really the answer, and yet, this is one answer to that question, why is it so hard to find a good man.

Frustration Sets in

After twenty dates and meeting twenty losers, you can become frustrated. This makes the entire dating process a chore, and once it becomes a chore, everything starts to go downhill. You might even consider throwing in the towel. Many women do.

You Don’t Understand Men

Women don’t understand men. This is especially the case when all your dating tips come from your family and friends. If you don’t know how men think and what they like, how the heck are you going to attract a good man?

You aren’t. Do yourself a favor and consult the pros on this one and you will be much better off.

You Don’t Know Yourself

If you have been married for twenty years, your identity might be all wrapped up with your kids and ex-husband. If you don’t take the time to rediscover yourself, you’ll make poor choices when it comes to men.

Build yourself so he will come is a much better choice.

why is it so hard to find a good man

Why is it so Hard to Find a Good Man | You’re Either Too Easy or Too Hard to Get

Men like a challenge and some women don’t deliver one because they have no boundaries. Other women play too hard to get with profiles that state their demands.

Again, this comes down to knowing how men think and how to read them. Different types of men require different responses. A shy guy will need more of a push from you, and a confident man might desire more of a chase.

Read his profile, read the man, and react accordingly with your emails and texts.

You Don’t Know How to Lead

Many women expect the guy to take the lead. But some men lack the confidence to do so. Guys can feel awkward at the whole online dating thing, so they need a woman to take charge, in the beginning. Do this, at least at the start, and then back off a bit.

Your Expectations are Too High

One reason why it’s hard to find a good man is because men can be awkward at the beginning. What you first see might not be the real him because he’s a nervous wreck. He might stumble with his words or come across the wrong way. Give him a fighting chance by asking him questions.

Once he becomes comfortable, his traits will shine. If they don’t, move on.

Your Expectations are Too Low

If you had a sexless marriage for the last five years, you might take the first breathing man who favorites your profile. Beware of doing this. Take some time to settle into your singles life before you start dating so you won’t get hurt.

Are There Too Few Good Guys Out There?

I challenge this statement. There are tons of good guys out there. The issue is that there are ten times as many losers than there are good guys, so it appears there are no good men out there. You must weed them out. That can suck if you have no experience in the dating jungle.

If you are constantly dating the losers, your desire to keep dating wains. Consult the pros. Read everything you can from a dating coach you like who knows his or her trade.

why is it so hard to find a good man

You Think You Know What You Like

I see this a lot. He’s got to be six feet tall and wealthy. Okay, does this mean that a 5’ 10-inch guy is out? What if he has a great job that he loves but he makes an average income?

Too many women have these characteristic biases based on nothing. Try dating a guy who rides a motorcycle even if you hate how loud they are. Date a guy who’s average height and see if he’s a fit before excluding every average height man out there.

Yes, I understand there are non-starters, but relax the minor ones at least at first. You’ll be surprised.

You Aren’t Really Trying

Tell me, are you really trying? Or are you going about dating in a half-ass way? If your efforts are checking your profile once a week and rarely going out to get exposure, you aren’t trying very hard to find a man.

Why is it so Hard to Find a Good Man? Summary

Finding a good guy takes effort. It’s a job, but it should be a fun job. If it’s the last thing you’re motivated to do, you won’t find your knight.

Get exposure online and offline. Pursue hobbies and passions where you will meet new men. This makes the dating process easy because you start off by having something in common.

Most players don’t partake in bettering themselves. They swim at bars and on sites like Tinder. Put in the time, make new friends, network, keep growing as a person, have fun, and you will find a great guy!

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

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Why Can’t I Find Love? Eleven Changes That Might Help You

Why Can’t I Find Love? Eleven Changes That Might Help You

Date Great Men, Understand Men

Love. We all want it. So Why Can’t I Find Love you ask!

Sure, many say they’ve given up, but deep down they’re just frustrated because everything they’ve tried so far hasn’t worked.

I get it. I hear the frustration. I even have readers who get angry at me!

“All men suck.”

“I’m happy just being alone.”

“I’ve given up.”

“Every time I get close to a man, I get dumped.”

But what if you’re simply going about it the wrong way?

What if you opened yourself up to a totally new way of finding love?

Why Cant I Find Love

Why Can’t I Find Love? Eleven Changes to Consider

End the Misery – or at Least the Miserable Feeling

Is this you?

Heck, through the pandemic I was miserable at times too. Our worlds were upside down and nothing made sense. Nothing was normal.

Attempted relationships failed. This led to low self-esteem, potential weight gain and frustration. Ice cream put me in my happy place.

Everything sucked!

So why not accept this and decide to change your attitude starting right now?

Forget men and start working on you!

You’ll be amazed at how your world and relationships will begin to turn around.

How do you do it?

Start with plenty of self-care and self-love. Pamper yourself for a couple of weeks. Then, continue once or twice per week – a regular schedule.

You’re worth it. You might feel guilty at first and that’s okay but keep doing it.

The Little Self-Care Handbook is a great self-care resource to help you get your self-care routine started.

How to stop liking someone

Why Can’t I Find Love? Decide to Do the Work

Many women say they want to find love but they don’t want to put in the work required.

When I ask where they’ve gone and what they’ve tried, I get crickets.

It’s like they expect a man to knock on their front door.

He won’t.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity and complaining about nothing working out how you wish it would, brainstorm 50 ideas for hobbies and adventures. Narrow your list to your top 10 and then, pick 1 or 2, sign up and go.

Get exposure to new people and join groups where you’re likely to have something in common with the members. This takes the pressure off meeting a man while you are having fun!

Work? What work?

Commit to the Work of Finding Love

This leads to my next change. If finding love is work, you’re doing it wrong! Get out there and do the things you love.

Take your list and modify it to include coed pursuits. You probably won’t find many men doing yoga or horseback riding, but you might find them in other places like cooking classes or a ski club. Kick boxing and hiking are also great choices if you like those activities or are willing to try something new.

New choices get you out of your comfort zone which builds confidence. This is a win-win.

Expand Your Search Zone

I have spoken with readers who live in small towns with few choices. Everyone knows everyone else’s business. This forces them to pursue long distance relationships. LDR’s make finding love difficult. This leads to more frustration.

Others live in big cities and look for men in all the wrong places.

If you live in a small town, maybe it’s time to consider moving. Online jobs are abundant today. The kids might be all grown-up or might even enjoy a new adventure.

Big cities can be overwhelming. I have readers in NYC that feel alone. In that instance, maybe it’s time for a change of scenery or a change of venues.

City dwellers do better when they join groups of mutual interest so they can make friends and network to meet more people. Hitting a bar in NYC probably isn’t the best bet. But hitting a new micro-brewery with friends can be a welcome change.

Don’t just stay in your hometown or city because it feels comfortable. You can always visit. Change can be empowering!

Why Can’t I Find Love? Expand Your Friend Zone

Finding love rarely works when your social network is all married women.

It also doesn’t work when family members are breathing down your neck to find love.

Communicate to these groups. Ask them to help, not hurt your effort. Tell them you may be spending a few less hours with them in pursuit of new opportunities and new friendships.

They might get angry and that’s okay. It’s time you set new boundaries.

This will be empowering.

Why Can’t I Find Love? – Try Setting Firm Boundaries

That’s leads us to our next change to finding love. Setting boundaries.

You’re done with guys who don’t text back or text back days later. If they delay, they’re not interested. Period.

Get my best seller – Weed Out The Users, the Couch Potatoes and the Losers for less than a cup of coffee and fix the problem!

Boundaries mean you’re done hooking up with guys on the first date because that’s what they want. You now date with your head and not your heart. That means no sex until a man proves his worth.

Boundaries empower! They attract guys because boundaries are a sure sign of confidence, and guys love confident women because they are a challenge. Nothing worth having comes without a fight.

Try it. Make a list of boundaries that will not get crossed again. Do this not only with men, but also with your friends and family.

Stick to your boundaries and you’ll feel like you have new super-powers.

Get Over Your Ex

This can be a big problem! If you’re still daydreaming about your ex, you’ll waste a lot of time comparing your new guy to him and the new guy won’t stack up.

Ever.

This puts your new relationship in jeopardy right from the start.

One way to get over your ex is to write a letter to him telling him all the things you don’t like about him and your past relationship. Then read it and burn it, safely of course!

It works. It sends a message to your brain that says, “I will no longer let this guy control my future.”

If you need more help, check out this great book, He’s Gone Now What.

Stop Trying to Find the Perfect Guy

Your list may read something like this: I want a guy who is tall, dark and handsome, preferably a doctor earning over $200K a year and living in San Diego.

The truth is that those types of lists prevent you from exploring a new type of guy who might not fit that mold but might be the perfect fit for you.

So far, you’ve sought that type of guy and maybe even dated a few men who fit at least some of that criteria, but how’s that working for you?

Instead, throw out that superficial list and get real! Women have this guy in mind from watching some rom-com movie full of idealistic relationships that aren’t real.

The perfect man doesn’t exist. He’s part of your imagination and truth be told, using tight criteria is a way of protecting your heart and avoiding dating anyone who might challenge you.

Look for the type of man you never thought you would want to date.

Try the shy, geeky guy sitting with a group of rowdy men. He’s probably had his eye on you since you walked in but he’s a little wary of approaching. Give him a couple of smiles and hold his attention with a couple of quick glances now and then. This sends him a message that if he approaches, he won’t get shot down.

If you can’t find the geeky guy, go for the guy who looks like he just crawled off his Harley. He just might be a doctor or lawyer and he’s likely to be more down to earth than the tall, dark and handsome guy with skinny dress pants and six-inch points on the ends of his shoes.

By limiting the type of man think you want to date, you’re limiting your possibilities.

Once you get to know the geeky guy and determine he’s not your speed, move on to another type of guy. Keep your options open.

A couple years back, I wrote a book that will help you understand different types of men.It’s called Manimals, Understanding the Different Types of Men and How to Date Them. I let my readers at that time choose the title and it was a perfect fit!

Why Can’t I Find Love? Shake off Your Past

My parents divorced when I was 16. My nights were interrupted by breaking dishes. This affected my view of relationships in a very negative way. I didn’t see love as a good thing, so I avoided it.

I dated and dated and dated. I was looking for someone who would accept me.

Or so I thought.

In fact, I was the problem. I couldn’t accept love, so I didn’t accept them. This hurt them and me. I was an expert in short-term relationships.

Little did I know I was sabotaging my own quest for love.

I took a step back and dug into my childhood for answers.

Seek help from a qualified therapist if you know you’ve been hurt from events in your past. Maybe it’s abandonment issues or something like my experience. Either way, recognize it and get help before you attempt to find love again.

Figure Out Who You Are

You can’t find the right man if you don’t know your true self. You will seek the wrong type of man.

Ask yourself, what is your vision in life? What do you want tomorrow? Next year? In 5 years?

What morals guide you? Do you live by them?

Answer these questions and you’ll start to live the life you create instead of a life that others create for you.

Women love my best-seller, To Date a Man You Must Understand Yourself because it helps you see the mistakes you might be making without realizing it. It’s a compare and contrast story of two young women who make different life choices that guide their relationship outcomes.

Learn How Men Think

Ahh, now we’re in my wheelhouse!

I saved the best for last. This is my flagship operation.

The best and most entertaining way to build confidence is to discover how men think.

This prevents you from blaming yourself when things go wrong and it gives you powerful insight into how to best communicate with a man and get him to do what you want.

Learn not only what he is thinking but how to react based on his actions.

You zig when he zags. This keeps him hooked on you through his desire for challenge and mystery.

Understanding how men think is the missing link to finding true love. They don’t teach this stuff in school!

Get the book that changed dating forever! To Date a Man You Must Understand a Man

Why Can’t I Find Love – Wrapping Up

Change happens in seconds if you allow it too.

Look over these 11 items and address each one. Spend some time evaluating:

  • Who are you and what you do you truly want from life
  • Your past and how it affects you and your opinions about relationships
  • Whether you have boundaries and how to set some that will positively impact your relationships
  • If your relationship with your ex is affecting you
  • If you’re searching in the wrong places
  • Whether people close to you are helping or holding you back
  • If you know how men think
  • Your own mindset and how to shake the feeling of being miserable

If you begin making these eleven changes, you will begin to see a positive turnaround in the quality of your relationships, and not just your relationships with men.

So ask yourself again. Why can’t I find love? Now you can!

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

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Dating After 30 Within the Social Media Dating Culture

Dating After 30 Within the Social Media Dating Culture

Date Great Men

Below is an article that my friend Wendy Dressler from the Blog Frog sent over for you today.

Social media has become the primary way we meet people, for dating and otherwise. There’s been an explosion of dating apps which cater to every desire, preference, and kink.

Simultaneously, our profiles have turned into a portfolio that deems us worthy of romance.

 

So, what happens when you’re dating after 30, ready to settle, but you find yourself in this scenario? How do you navigate this new playing field? Let’s examine the situation and share some useful tips.

Dating after 30

A Double-Edged Sword

On the one hand, you could see this social media explosion as a facilitator for dating after 30. After all, every interaction is an opportunity. Online dating enthusiasts have options for finding a match.

The first comes in the form of dating apps. Everybody’s on the same page from the get-go, making it much smoother.

If you’re not on an explicit hunt for a new partner, your regular social networks can also become a way to put yourself out there. Instagram and Facebook are the obvious choices, but there’s a way to build connections even on less interaction-based platforms. Can you use TikTok for dating? Absolutely.

On the other hand, you might be apprehensive about the whole idea. The entire flirty social media presence can be intimidating. Counterintuitively, dating apps are your best bet.

Steering Clear of Hookups

Of course, this rule only applies if you’re not interested in hookups. There’s nothing wrong with some fun, casual meetups between consenting adults. There might be trouble if you’re in it for something more commitment-based, though.

Many people join dating apps for sex only. Luckily, they’re easy to spot.

  • They’ll want to meet you in real life as soon as possible.
  • They’ll suggest late-night dates that might include alcohol or drugs.
  • They won’t ask too many questions about your hobbies or interests.
  • They might date other people while talking to you.

Unfortunately, some people are more subtle about their intentions. If you end up on a date and later realize it wasn’t leading anywhere but to their bedroom, don’t beat yourself up. We all fall for such traps sometimes.

Confidence is Key

Showing yourself for who you are is vital. That way, you don’t have to put on a facade – people already liked you when they saw you on the app.

When it comes to visual representation, choose pictures that you feel suit you. Also, don’t be afraid to use tools to make your self-representation more flattering. A TikTok video editor or a face app that enhances your best features will make you feel better in your skin. Don’t go overboard, though, and end up with a result that looks nothing like you.

Then, consider the traits you like most about yourself. Perhaps you enjoy debating people, or you’re a good listener, or you love cracking jokes. Focus on your number one characteristic while coming up with a bio and own it.

Be Honest

At this point, your match pool should already consist of people you’d like to date. It’s time for honesty about your intentions.

Discuss what you’re looking for in your new relationship. For example, instead of letting the other side pressure you into a sudden romance, openly disclaim that you’re looking to build a friendship first.

Another way to rid yourself of losers is by choosing the location of the first date. Whatever you want from the relationship later, start by going to a public place in the daytime. Choose a spot you enjoy so you can determine how well you click in that area, too.

Dating After 30 | Define Your Search Criteria

Finally, let’s discuss dating app technicalities. Depending on the platform, you can determine:

  • Gender
  • Age
  • Distance
  • Profession and hobbies
  • The amount of information on profiles
  • What they’re looking for

You won’t swipe right only because somebody’s attractive. So, implementing these criteria helps you see only people that meet other standards, too.

It Takes Patience

Overall, you’ll have to take your time. Set yourself up for a positive outcome by using the right apps, being truthful and confident.

After that, you’ll still meet many people before you run into a person you like. Once you do, though, it’ll be worth the trouble.

Are you Middle Aged and Kickin’ It? What I mean is are you one of those fortunate women who finds herself a little older than a teenager and looking for love? Things change and it can be tough to keep up with the dating scene. That’s why I wrote this best-seller for women just like you. Maybe you’ve been in a relationship for a while and you’re now getting back out there. Where do you start? What do you do? All those questions are answered for you! Learn more about the book here or buy it today by clicking one of the buttons below.

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Are You Ready to Get Back Out There?

Are You Ready to Get Back Out There?

Date Great Men

The first two-thirds of 2020 has made dating a difficult challenge for most people and, for that matter, for guys like me who want to help single women find great men. First, it was one of the worst flu seasons on record, and then COVID-19 invaded.

My hope is that the worst is behind us and because of that, I want to help you prepare yourself to get back into the dating scene!

Every spring, I start a dedicated workout with P90X, which takes 90 days. This gives me three months to get myself back in shape.

In much the same way, it’s time to get you back into shape – and not just your body, but your mind too. In order to hit the dating scene running, you’ll need to do a little prep work and I have just the program!

When writing my best-selling book, Comfortable in Your Own Shoes, I focused on providing women with a confidence-building guide specifically directed at them.

Today, I’d like to give you that book for free!

This book will help you understand more about:

  • Self-love and self-care
  • Changing the negative words that you silently say to yourself every day into positives
  • Getting back out there (safely of course) and taking some risks

 

This is the time to build your confidence while we’re still somewhat sequestered from the virus.

Affirmations, visualization, desensitization, goal setting and meditation are five things that will help you get to that ready to date place!

Are these 5 words foreign to you? They are for many people. My dad taught me how to use these tools as a kid and they work!

Folding these activities into your life won’t be drudgery – it will be fun! Especially if you stick with me! I love injecting fun into most things.

And, when I add some insight into the male brain, you’ll be more than ready to get out there and meet the man of your dreams.

So, if you are ready to prepare, I’ve got the tools to get you started. And to show you that I am serious.

To get your free book, just click the button below!

I’m ready to get back out there with you – are you ready????

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

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Seven Ways to Improve Your Self-Esteem When Dating

Seven Ways to Improve Your Self-Esteem When Dating

Build Confidence, Date Great Men, Understand Men

Guest Post Written By Lana Otoya

Lana is a professional dating coach for successful women at Millennialships.com. She helps successful and confident women meet successful and confident men.

When you are dating, things can get tough. You go on date after date, only to discover that the men you like the most are never interested in you.

Even the most confident person in the whole world might start to question their attractiveness if this keeps happening. 

The key here is not to get discouraged. When you give up on dating, you lose your chance to find a loving and supporting relationship. 

Here are seven ways for how to improve your self-esteem when dating.

#7 – Know Where Confidence Comes From

Confidence is a key aspect of dating because it helps you attract men, and also feel better about the whole process.

The interesting thing about confidence is that you can get it from multiple sources. Most people get self-confidence from “track record” or “history”. This is when you look to your past experiences to help you determine if you are good or bad at something.

For example, if you always get A’s on all your math tests, you are going to be pretty confident that you are a skilled mathematician.

If you’ve had bad relationships in the past or never seem to get into a long-term relationship, your track record is not providing you with the confidence you need to attract a man. So how can you be confident if your track record is tainted?

The good news is that you can tap into your self-esteem. Self-esteem, although similar, is not the same as self-confidence. Self-confidence is often felt as a result of external validation, much like the math example. Where self-esteem is something that comes from within you. It’s something that you feel rather than something you see.

 Self Confidence vs. Self Esteem:

Here is a nice explanation of self-esteem from Psychology Today:

“Self-esteem is our cognitive and, above all, emotional appraisal of our own worth. More than that, it is the matrix through which we think, feel, and act, and reflects and determines our relation to ourselves, to others, and to the world.

People with healthy self-esteem do not need to prop themselves up with externals such as income, status, or notoriety…On the contrary, they treat themselves with respect and look after their health, community, and environment.”

As you can see, healthy self-esteem comes from believing you are worthy, and respecting yourself despite any negative situations that life may present to you.

When dating, just remember that rejection and struggle happens to many people while they are looking for their long-term partner. You only need that one person to make everything worth it, so don’t tell yourself you don’t deserve love when you know it’s not true.

#6 – Have Realistic Expectations

Another way that you can help yourself feel confident during dating is to have realistic expectations. The online dating process is slow. You will message a lot of men who don’t message you back. You will go on dates with men who are losers. You will start to see a guy who seems really nice, only to have him ghost you after a few dates. I know this is a harsh reality but going in with these expectations helps you realize that it’s not you. This happens to everyone.

Even the most attractive, model-like women have trouble dating and finding a partner. This is because finding a partner only has so much to do with appearance and attraction, and much more to do with meshing two personalities together.

Sometimes it can take a while to find two personalities to really fit, but you only need to find one person and when you do, it’s really an amazing feeling!

#5 – How to Improve Self Esteem in Relationships: Move Slowly

When you are in a new relationship with someone who is really fun and awesome, you can be tempted to move things too quickly.

As a dating coach, I’ve seen many women get so excited about a new man who she tells her friends all about him, deletes all her dating apps and stops communicating with all men. Then, she realizes a few weeks later that he’s not interested in a long-term relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with getting excited and enjoying the honeymoon phase, but cutting off all other ties and letting all your friends know that you found “the one” can make the feeling of rejection much worse than it needs to be.

Always keep your options open until the two of you are on the same page.

#4 – Don’t Take Things Personally

Even if someone rejects you, it’s not really “you” that he is rejecting. It could be many different things.

There are seven billion people on this earth, and no two people have the exact same personality.

When dealing with so much variety in preferences, hobbies, values, etc., there are going to be people who clash. If you feel like things are going well with a man and then suddenly, he changes his mind, it could be any one of these little things that are not matching up. Maybe you live a little too far away from his house or maybe he’s not ready for a relationship.

Regardless of the reason, just know that if a man is not a good fit, you’re much better off without him.

#3 – Rejection and Shame Happen to Everyone

Researcher Brene Brown determined the feeling of rejection you experience when others do not accept you is a global feeling. This means that it happens to every human unless they have a serious mental disability. We are tribal animals whose evolution has made us want to fit in with the crowd. It is vital to our survival.

When you get rejected by someone, you have an intense feeling of shame. You purposefully analyze and critique yourself to see what might have gone wrong. This is a survival instinct because your brain is trying to help you fit in better next time.

The truth is though, you don’t need to fit in with everybody anymore. You do not rely on a certain caveman tribe in order to get your food and shelter. If someone rejects you, you can still live a perfectly happy life and not have to worry that you didn’t get along with just one person.

#2 – Focus on Self-Care

Dating can be a roller coaster of emotions. When you’re dating, you should be sure to have a structured and regular self-care routine. This allows you to remind yourself that you are the source of your own happiness, not anyone else.

Having an effective self-care routine is crucial to your daily peace and happiness, but many people falsely believe that self-care is simply taking a hot bath with a glass of wine and some candles.

There are so many other ways to enjoy a self-care routine and this book walks you through them, providing you with many choices on how you can implement a self-care routine into your schedule. 

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#1 – How to Improve Self Esteem in Relationships: Have Fun

The pressures of finding a partner and all the swiping and texting rules can really be a downer. It’s best to pull back and remind yourself that dating should be fun. Instead of thinking, “I hate being single”, “This date is going nowhere” or that you  would rather be in your pajamas, remember – it’s just drinks.

You’re not being forced to speak in front of one thousand people or run a marathon. You’re just sipping on some cocktails with a new person. Even the most horrifying dates can still be fun. They can be a learning experience or simply an excellent story to tell your friends!

Why Online Dating Sucks and Sends Women Running for Cover!

Why Online Dating Sucks and Sends Women Running for Cover!

Date Great Men

Online Dating Will Suck No More

Online dating sucks for a variety of reasons. Fake pics, embellished profiles and guys living in the basement smoking pot with no career hopes are a few reasons.

Then, you get him out only to find out he is a total dirt bag. He’s actually ‘separated’ which means he is in an argument with his wife about his porn addiction and anger issues. Of course, you don’t find this part out until much later.

Basically, men lie because they can get away with it! That means you end up wasting your time with some loser which gets you friggin’ frustrated as hell and you give up. Then, coaches like me get yelled at.

I get it.

Why Online Dating Sucks

But online dating does work for the few women that know how to game the system! The facts don’t lie. Many folks meet and find love online. So how do turn the cards in your favor? You put a plan in place long before you join Match.com or whatever dating site you choose.

I’m the dating coach who games the system for you! And a quarter million books sold says I ain’t jokin’

Your plan has arrived! It’s the #1 HOT NEW RELEASE in Marriage on Amazon in and it’s only 99 cents for a few days only:

What To Do When Online Dating Sends You Running For Cover

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO SUCCEED IN ONLINE DATING AND FIND THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS

If you’re like most of the women who email me, you’re tired of swapping emails with men, only to be ghosted or to meet guys who turn out to be real jerks in person, even though online they seemed really sweet.

I get it and hearing about your painful experiences makes me so annoyed with men!

The issue isn’t with online dating, it’s with not knowing exactly what type of man you’re looking for and then being able to articulate that in a way that weeds out the players.

I want you to have the relationship of your dreams. I want you to meet the guy who will be your dream guy online and in person. I want to help you overcome the frustrations of online dating and meet the great man you deserve!

That’s why I wrote What to Do When Online Dating Sends You Running for Cover!

Inside this book, you learn the skills you need to succeed at online dating, including:

  • Taking a deep dive into who you are and what you want out of your life
  • Higher confidence so you can attract that great man who’s just right for you
  • A deep dive into the male mind to help you understand why men behave the way they do
  • The best primer ever on building an irresistible online dating profile
  • Tools to weed out the players and losers
  • Sure-fire methods to get him offline and on a real date

Now longer will you utter the words, “This is why online dating sucks!”

Get it on Amazon Now!

Has online dating sent you running for cover? One too many catfishers? One too many losers who won’t come out from behind his computer? One too many first dates that ended in disaster? The time has come for you to end the cycle of bad online dating experiences and I have the tool for you! When Online Dating Sends You Running for Cover is a woman’s guide to online dating. From start to finish, you’ll walk through the process of getting online, finding a great guy and meeting him offline. Read more about the book here or buy it now by clicking one of the buttons below.

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