Going on a First Date? 3 Keys to Eliminating the Stress

Going on a First Date? 3 Keys to Eliminating the Stress

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After

Going on a first date is kind of a big deal! Will I like him? How about his personality? Will it go well or be a complete waste of time? What will we talk about? And most importantly, what will I wear?! For most, first dates are very stressful, but if you follow these tips, you could have fun on a first date instead! Today, I’ve got some things for you to take to heart before your next first date.

Getting to know someone new, especially someone you are attracted to, can be a daunting task! You keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best. You pray this first date will be better than your last date, which was just crappy. But, having the right frame of mind going into it can make a huge difference in how the date goes, weather he’s a keeper or another dud. Let’s review a few tips which will start your date off on the right foot — whether you decide to wear flats, or stilettos!

Key #1: Take the Pressure Off

If you are like most women, you stress about a first date for days. When it’s finally time to start getting ready, you get serious jitters. In his relationship advice, Gregg always body language says just as much as words, so be careful not to let nerves get the better of you. Confidence is attractive! Good conversation will flow naturally if you are comfortable. A genuine smile right off the bat always helps make a good first impression.

Even if he’s not “the one” for you, you can still have a great time and maybe make a new friend. When you take the pressure to impress off the table, things will go more smoothly for everyone. Remember, he’s in the same first date boat as you! If he feels at ease around you, he may just fall in love with you!

Key #2: Be Your Authentic Self

When going on a first date, and in life, it’s important to be your authentic self.

  • Don’t change your personality or the way you dress because you think it will impress a guy
  • Don’t say you love skydiving as much as he does if you’re afraid of heights
  • Don’t show up in a sexy dress covered in bling if you’re a jeans and cute t-shirts kind of girl
  • Wear something comfortable something which best represents your own personal style

Let him get to know the real you, your interests, your likes and dislikes, even if they are different from his. How will you know if you are a good fit for each other if you are not honest from the get-go? It’s like false advertising. In the end, you will both be disappointed.

Key #3: Have the Right Mindset

Stop wondering if he could be “the one”. Don’t immediately consider whether or not you see yourself myself marrying this guy. Start focusing on how nice it is to get to know someone new and leave it at that. This is a first date and there is no rush, so ditch the checklist and keep an open mind. You might be pleasantly surprised to see sparks flying as you learn more about him, even if he doesn’t initially fit the mold you’ve created in your mind for the perfect man. Maybe you will never see this person again, and that’s okay too. At the least, you will walk away knowing a little more about yourself and what you want and don’t want. Going on a first date with a positive mindset means it won’t matter if it things don’t work out, and you won’t leave feeling discouraged.

First dates can actually be fun instead of stressful! Leave all your terrible first dates in the past, and take these three keys to heart going forward. Even if he’s not Mr. Right, when the next first date opportunity presents itself, go for it again!  Maybe this time the first date will lead to a second, or a goodnight kiss, or maybe even happily ever after!

Wanted – One Great Guy – Losers Need Not Apply!

Wanted – One Great Guy – Losers Need Not Apply!

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

WANTED: Attractive girl willing to be mother/martyr to a jobless jerk with junker car and no interest in changing my bad habits. Don’t clean, don’t cook, don’t care – just kicked out of my mother’s house and need to find a home for me and my basement full of Star Wars collectibles. Willing to tattoo your name to my list of “I love ____” on my biceps but draw the line at actual commitment beyond being able to use your credit cards. Allergic to your pets and friends but you’ll have plenty of company taking care of mine when you’re not fulfilling my sexual fantasies or cleaning up after me. Text me at XXXX and I’ll tell you when and where to pick me up.

Is this an ad from the man of your dreams? If the guy you’re with wrote an honest ad, would this be how it read? I know most of my books talk about how to get a guy, keep a guy, or get him back, but there are times when you need to know when to get rid of him.

Just because you’re with him – or want to be – doesn’t mean you should. I hear from so many women who are carrying all the weight of their relationship, and if they let go, there wouldn’t be one. If you are lonely, tired, and your best day was before you got into this relationship, take yourself out to a cool coffee or tea bar with this list of questions.

But first, the non-negotiables: addictive, angry, or abusive guys have no business being part of your long-term plans. You’ll want professional help in getting rid of him though, because they won’t let go of someone who enables their bad behavior without a fight.

Ask yourself these questions:

  1. Is he meeting my needs? Does he even know (or care) what they are?
  2. Does he treat me with respect, or am I the “old ball and chain”?
  3. Does he like my friends? Do they like him? Do I like his? Does he even have any?
  4. If there’s a conflict with his family or friends, does he ever take my side or is it always them?
  5. Does he remember important dates? Does he remember with flowers or a heavy sigh and tales of when he was single and happy?
  6. Can he laugh at himself? Can I laugh at him? Do we ever laugh together?
  7. Do our goals align? Kids? College? Career? City condo or country house?
  8. Do we have the same views on handling money?
  9. When we don’t agree on something, can we work out a compromise that we can both live with, or am I usually expected to give in?
  10. Are our religions compatible?
  11. Do I trust him? How does he drive when I’m in the car?
  12. If we’re at a restaurant and the food arrives cold, how does he handle it?

If you’re getting a whole bunch of no’s, then tune in to my next article for how and where to say see you later, sayonara, chow baby, I’m outta here. Also, read my best seller, Weed Out The Losers, The Couch Potatoes and The Losers today!

Why Does a Man Pull Away? How can You Draw Him Close Again?

Why Does a Man Pull Away? How can You Draw Him Close Again?

Build Confidence, Find Happily Ever After, Get My Ex Back, Understand Men

Why does a man pull away? It’s a question women have been asking for many years and, lucky for you, there are a few simple answers.

Before we examine the why let’s look at what it looks like.

What You’ll Find Here

Is Your Man Pulling Away?
Why Does a Man Pull Away? He Has a Fear of Commitment
He’s Afraid of His Own Feelings
He’s Afraid He’ll Lose His Independence and Freedom
Why Does a Man Pull Away? Things Got Too Intense
He May Need Some Man Time
He’s Dealing with Other Stuff
Why Does a Man Pull Away? He Has Low Self-Worth
He’s Struggling to Identify as Part of a Couple
He’s Confused Lust with Love
Why Does a Man Pull Away? He’s Moved On
How do You Maintain Your Self-Worth?
What Can You Do While He’s Away?
What Shouldn’t You Do While He’s Away?
Why Does a Man Pull Away?

why does a man pull away

Is Your Man Pulling Away?

There are signs that your guy is pulling away, some more obvious than others:

  • He literally walks out the door (if you live together)
  • He’s less responsive or he ignores you most of the time
  • “Babe I just need some space”
  • He digs into work or a hobby, spending less time with you
  • You see signs that he’s looking for your replacement
  • He avoids you
  • He hangs up on you and doesn’t call back

Kate and Jack had been married for ten years but things were slowly declining. Kate spent days taking care of their four children while Jack worked. As the days went on, Jack worked later and later into the evenings, leaving his children to miss his presence and Kate to pick up the slack.

When Jack was home in the evenings, Kate went off to their bedroom, where her computer was stored, to work. Even when they were in the house together, they were usually apart. Jack spent more weekends at work and less at home.

Finally, Jack moved out and Kate was so relieved. She didn’t realize how much unspoken tension was filling their home until Jack was gone and she felt it leave like a big swoosh of air. Jack had been pulling away for months until his only next step was to move out.

Is Your Relationship Over?

Do you think your relationship is teetering on the edge of disaster? Has he aleady left? This is a great article for sure, but there are others! Just click the button to read them.

Find more articles here...

 

Why Does a Man Pull Away? He Has a Fear of Commitment

For some men, a fear of commitment will freeze them in their tracks. There is a name for this. It’s called gamophobia.

When you’re experiencing gamophobia, you have an irrational and uncontrolled fear of being accountable to a partner or spouse.

For much of your relationship up until now, you’ve been getting to know one another, and this is fun for men. They love the mystery of uncovering who you are beyond your looks. That’s what’s important to them.

But as the relationship advances and he senses you want a commitment; he distances himself and seems less available. Texts go unanswered or sit for hours, even days before you get a response. Your phone calls are answered, but not nearly every time.

He’s facing a moment of truth with you. He either needs to make a commitment or bail and his fight or flight mechanism tells him to fly.

Of course, the fear significantly outweighs any perceived threat. How can a happy relationship be threatening?

Perhaps you’ll see how if we look at the causes of gamophobia.

Causes of Gamophobia

He’s Had Negative Relationship Experiences Previously

One of two things most likely happened if this is the cause.

Either he experienced a childhood with chronically unhappy parents, perhaps including domestic abuse or, at the very least, lots of fighting; or he experienced his own very negative relationship and he’s afraid of another.

His Childhood Attachments Weren’t Healthy

If your guy didn’t have healthy attachments to his parents or caregivers, it could cause his gamophobia.

When a child grows up not having his needs met by his caregivers, he develops insecure attachment styles. This causes him to have a difficult time forming relationships and to feel less secure in any relationships he does engage in.

Additionally, he might have a fear of abandonment or rejection if either of those things occurred in his past.

It’s In His Genes – or History

Sometimes, it boils down to nature or nurture. There is research that suggests phobias might be passed from one generation to another genetically, making him more susceptible to phobias like this one.

He might also have learned this phobia because someone in his family experienced it. By watching someone else experience this phobia, he developed the phobia himself.

What Can You Do?

Unfortunately, like other problems your guy may experience, there’s nothing you can do to fix this. He needs to fix it for himself and with phobias, the best course is to seek professional help.

What you can do is try to gently point out that he seems to distance himself from your relationship anytime the commitment conversation happens. He might not really be aware that he’s experiencing this problem.

You can ask him how he feels when you talk about commitment. If he has gamophobia, not only will he distance himself from your relationship, but he might experience physical symptoms associated with fear, like hyperventilating, chest pain, choking sensations, feelings of impending doom, rapid heart rate or breathing, sweating, and trembling.

If he’s willing to seek help and you’re willing to wait, you can probably come out on the other side of his treatment with a healthy relationship.

why does a man pull away

He’s Afraid of His Own Feelings

For some men, managing their emotions is very challenging. When these men were growing up, they were taught to suck it up and deal more often than they were told to feel sad, disappointed, or frustrated.

For many, the only acceptable emotion was anger. For him to now feel love is scary. He didn’t date you with the idea of falling in love with you. He dated you because you piqued his interest. He found you mysterious and he has had a great time learning about you.

Then, WHAM! He realizes he’s in love with you and oh boy, does that scare him.

The thing is that men usually pull back when they need to process their emotions. While many women are open books when it comes to their emotions, most men are not accustomed to having these feelings. Processing them in seclusion feels the safest.

What Can You Do?

If you give him time and you nurture your friendships and hobbies, he’ll most likely come back to you, able to handle his feelings of love for you and ready to move forward.

The worst thing you can do is keep after him while he’s processing his emotions. Let him stew in things on his own for a while. I can’t give you a timetable. Every person is different. What I can say is that if you come to him before he’s ready, it won’t help.

Turn to your girlfriends. Enjoy time with them. Pick up an old hobby or find a new one. Engross yourself in those relationships and hobbies and patiently wait for him to return.

He’s Afraid He’ll Lose His Independence and Freedom

When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to slip into some bad habits, like seeing one another to the exclusion of your outside friendships.

For your man, the thought of making a bigger commitment to your relationship might cause him to fear losing his independence and freedom.

Right now, if he wants to hang with the guys, he thinks he’s independent and free enough to do so without any repercussions.

This is where a concept I refer to as perceived freedom comes into play. Perceived freedom is when a guy feels he’s free to hang out with his friends whenever he wants to, but he’ll usually seek your permission or at least an okee dokee first.

If you go into a relationship forbidding him from seeing his friends or whining and complaining every time he wants to watch college football with the guys, he will not only fear he’s losing his independence, he’ll know he is.

What Can You Do?

Let him hang out with his friends. If it seems he’s doing a little too much of it, like more than one or two evenings every couple of weeks, you have things you can do that don’t involve whining, arguing, or complaining.

For example, if he says he wants to hang out to watch Thursday Night Football with his buddies, fine. Let him. But…

Plan something with your girlfriends for that same evening. Make sure he sees you before you leave, and make sure you look and smell great. Kiss him on the cheek and tell him you’ll see him later.

He’ll go watch TNF, but he’ll be thinking about how great you looked and smelled and whether any guys might see you. While he might be afraid to lose his independence, he’s probably more afraid of losing you!

You’ve dampened his time with his friends without complaining or arguing. He’s still hanging out with them, but he’s not having as much fun as he thought he would.

No, this isn’t game-playing. You should always maintain relationships with your friends, regardless of your relationship status. This is you doing what he’s doing – hanging out with friends. The difference is that you look and smell great and he’s going off with smelly men.

Why Does a Man Pull Away? Things Got Too Intense

I’m sure this has happened to you before. You meet a guy and there’s an immediate connection. Sparks are flying right from the start. You find yourselves wanting to spend every moment together and then, BAM. He’s nowhere to be found.

Even though he played a role in this accelerated pace, he’s now stepping back and wondering what the heck just happened.

He’s a little freaked out and needs a moment or five to cool his heels.

Men date first to have fun. They like to uncover the mystery behind who you are. Nothing makes a guy smile inside more than finding out something intriguing about a woman he’s been dating.

How Can You Avoid This?

Let him have that time. Even if you feel this drive to spend tons of time with him, back off. If he’s pressuring you to spend that time, gently slow things down. If you just went out last night and he’s texting for a date tonight, you can say, “I’m sorry Gregg, but I have Yoga class tonight. Are you available on Thursday?” This way, he knows you’re interested, but he recognizes that you have a life outside of dating him.

He might even recognize that he was pushing a little too hard and fast.

It’s okay to suggest an alternate day and time for a date if you do it as I suggested above. Even if you don’t have a Yoga class or anything else planned, seeing him every night will soon lead to him feeling that things are moving too fast.

It’s okay to say, “I’d like to enjoy an evening at home with my dog, Freddy. Maybe we can do a movie this weekend?”

When you suggest that alternate time, which is a few days out, you slow things down and let him know you’re still interested.

why does a man pull away

He May Need Some Man Time

When you’re single, you do what you want, when you want to. You’re a different version of yourself than you are when you’re in a relationship.

This is true for men too. When he’s in a relationship, a man may feel more vulnerable and emotionally expressive than he’s comfortable with. This is uncharted territory for many men and it makes them feel as if they need to retreat.

He might need some time away from your relationship to recharge his man battery. He needs to feel manly again, and he doesn’t see a way to do that in your relationship. This might be when he retreats to his man cave for a while so he can burp the alphabet, scratch himself and watch sports.

If your relationship is new, he’ll find this time when he’s at home. If you’ve been together for a while or you live together, he might spend time at a buddy’s house watching sports and hanging with the guys.

What Can You Do?

Your job is to let him do his manly thing. Don’t fight or argue with him about it. You should use this time to do your own thing. Pursue a hobby or spend time with your friends.

If you pant after him like a lost puppy, you’ll only aggravate the situation and make his need to pull back stronger.

Men need this man time for a variety of reasons. He might be dealing with something difficult, like the loss of a loved one or not getting the job or promotion he was going after. As you read previously, men have a tough time processing those types of emotions and often need time to themselves to do so.

He’s Dealing with Other Stuff

If you’re dating a man who’s going through his divorce still, he might retreat from your relationship so he can deal with the divorce. If there are children involved, there is a lot of emotion tied up with this past relationship.

By retreating from his relationship with you, he’s able to put all his emotional energy into the divorce. In most cases, he will come back to you once everything with his previous marriage is settled.

In other situations, he may be dealing with a significant loss or disappointment. He might be under a lot of stress or pressure at work, which leads him to feel tired and overwhelmed.

Other things like health, money, or outside family issues can sideline even the toughest man.

What Can You Do?

There is a repeating theme here, but that’s because it’s often your best course of action.

You allow him to retreat and lick his wounds or deal with whatever he’s got going on outside of your relationship.

The reason he’s retreating is that he doesn’t want to short-change you by worrying you or spending less time with you. For him, it makes more sense to retreat from the relationship altogether than to try to navigate the relationship and his stressors.

He’s trying not to hurt you, and while his retreat probably does hurt, understanding why he’s doing so should take a lot of the sting out of the situation.

why does a man pull away

Why Does a Man Pull Away? | He has Low Self-Worth

He may think you’re the most awesome woman he’s ever met, but that could also be the problem.

If your guy has low self-worth, he might not believe he deserves a great woman like you. He’s going to distance himself from you before you figure out that you can do better. While in some of the other situations, your guy is distancing himself to protect you, in this case, he’s protecting himself.

There are many reasons why someone has low self-worth, but they have nothing to do with you.

What Can You Do?

The first, and most important thing you must know is that this isn’t your thing to fix. Just like the other issues presented here, this is something he must fix for himself. Still, there are things you can do to help and support him.

Also, when he makes negative comments about himself, don’t be dismissive or try to counter what he said. For example, if he says he wants to lose weight, don’t tell him he’s fine just the way he is or that you love him just like he is. That type of statement doesn’t support his current belief.

Instead, ask him what he’s unhappy with. He might not like how his clothes fit, or he might feel discouraged that he’s winded when he walks around the office. Acknowledge his negative feelings, then offer something positive, “Jack, I know your clothes have gotten a bit tight, but really, I think you’re a very attractive man, inside and out.”

Another thing to be aware of is that he has some negative self-talk going on. He might wish he was a better golfer, like his friend. His rationale is that he can’t play any sport because his golf game sucks. In this case, encourage him not to compare himself to Jack, who went to college on a golf scholarship. Offer to take lessons with him or encourage him to try something different.

When your partner suffers from low self-worth or self-esteem, the best course you can take is to encourage him to engage in positive activities that will boost his confidence and belief in himself. Help him see the wonderful man you see, but don’t push it. Just be there to support him.

He’s Struggling to Identify as Part of a Couple

This works in reverse too, and it might be easier to explain it that way first. When you experience a breakup, one of the things that blindsides you is when people stop referring to you as you guys or you two because you’re single now.

If a guy has been single for any period, he identifies as a single person. He has that freedom you read about earlier. He can hang out with his friends whenever he wants. Vulnerability isn’t an issue. I could go on and on, but I think you see what I mean.

Then, suddenly, he finds himself in a relationship and no longer single. He’s struggling to put all those single pieces into new slots. It doesn’t have anything to do with you or your relationship. He might be very happy as far as that goes, but he’s still struggling.

He had routines centered around being single. He had guys’ nights and Saturdays to work on his motorcycle. Now, even though he wants to spend time with you, he can’t figure out how to do those things he also loves too.

What Can You Do?

Again, the answer is to give him space. Don’t make him feel like one hundred percent of his time must be with you. It should never be that way. Let him work on his motorcycle on Saturdays, or compromise and give him Saturday morning. Let him enjoy guys’ night, sometimes at your house even.

Make the transition from being single to being in a relationship a smooth one for him by not demanding too much of his time at first. Give him that perceived freedom and let him grow into being a partner.

He’s Confused Lust with Love

That early heat in a relationship is lust. It’s a strong physical attraction that pulls you both into sex, probably too soon. Now, that heat is fading and he thinks that means the love is gone too. How do you know the difference?

Lust is characterized by:

  • Overwhelming desire for sex
  • Lack of interest in the other person’s life outside sex with you
  • Hyperfocus on the present, no future thinking
  • Compatibility isn’t even on your radar
  • Your dates are usually in private, where sex is easier

Love is characterized by:

  • An emotional attachment or connection
  • Planning for your future together
  • Ability to be emotionally vulnerable
  • You want to know more about his life
  • It builds slowly

The truth is that no relationship experiences the same level of chemistry all the time, regardless of how long the couple has been together. Relationships naturally go in and out of those times, so just because the heat has faded, it doesn’t mean there’s no love.

What You Can Do

The best course here might be to explain to him that relationships naturally experience ebbs and flows when it comes to chemistry and sexual attraction. The bigger question he should ask himself is how emotionally invested he is in the relationship. How emotionally invested are you? Which category above best describes how you feel?

Sometimes our instinct is to fight for something that we don’t really want, just because it’s slipping away. Take inventory of your feelings before you try to talk him out of or into his.

why does a man pull away

Why Does a Man Pull Away? He’s Moved On

If your relationship is new, and by new, I mean less than a few months old, he might have decided to move on.

By pulling back instead of facing you directly, he’s avoiding hurting you. Those first few months of a relationship are all about getting to know someone and it’s possible that eventually, one or both of you recognize that there are sacrifices you don’t want to make or values that just don’t align.

These relationships can’t usually be saved because there isn’t enough history between you to be meaningful and enticing. Exiting the relationship slowly is easier than just breaking it off, which is what he should do.

What You Can Do

There isn’t much you can do in this situation. If he’s not attracted to you, your best course is to find someone new. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. The two of you simply aren’t compatible.

If this is what’s going on, you also need to put an end to it. Kindly and without malice, invite him for a conversation. Then simply tell it like it is, “Hey Gregg, I think you’re a great guy, but I don’t see us going the distance. I think it’s better if we go our separate ways.”

When men talk to one another, they’re direct, so he’ll understand this and appreciate your honesty. He’s probably internally grateful that he didn’t have to hurt your feelings and relieved that it’s over.

How do You Maintain Your Self-Worth?

Most of the reasons a man pulls away have everything to do with him and nothing to do with you. As you experience this situation, you need to acknowledge the explanations above don’t diminish the pain of feeling his distance, but I hope most of them will give you hope. Just because he’s distant right now doesn’t mean he’s gone forever.

In many of the situations you’ve read about, he needs time or professional help to overcome what’s holding him back. If he’s willing to do the work, there’s still a chance for him to return.

The truth is that in most instances, a man will pull away and you’ll be left asking that first question, why does a man pull away? What I don’t want you to spend a lot of time on is asking yourself what did I do wrong?

His pulling away might be his way of working on an issue he has or of becoming the man he believes you deserve. He might be trying to be better, for you.

What Can You Do While He’s Away?

Instead of viewing this as a life crisis, view it as an opportunity to work on your own life. What would you like to improve upon? Is there a hobby you’ve been interested in? Have you lost touch with a friend or family member?

Take this opportunity to do those things, to make those connections. The busier you stay, the happier you’ll be.

Regardless of what shape you’re in right now, get back into a workout routine. This is a great way to pump some endorphins through your system.

It’s also a great time to go after a promotion or work on getting a new job if you don’t like the one you have.

You’re single, even if it’s temporary. Take advantage of this time!

What Shouldn’t You do While He’s Away

Don’t keep trying to get him to communicate with you. In fact, this might be a time to practice the no-contact rule, if he’s fully extricated himself from your relationship.

Will no contact make him move on?

If he reaches out to you, you reply, but if he waited two days, it’s okay for you to wait, but no longer than the two days he waited. If you reply and he waits two hours, you wait two hours.

At this point, you’re putting into it exactly what he’s putting in. No more and no less. It will do him good to see you out doing things, living your life, working on yourself, or whatever you’re doing.

If he cares for you at all, and my guess is that he does, his interest will be piqued by your behavior. Why? Because he expects you to badger him with texts begging him to come back. He expects you to be down in the dumps.

You’re his Plan B. Whatever his reason for leaving, he’s certain that you’ll be waiting there, still scooping out the Ben and Jerry’s, tearfully waiting for him to return. By not doing that, you’re behaving mysteriously. That will get his attention.

You should also avoid dating right now. This sends him a signal that you’ve moved on, and he won’t put a lot of effort into trying to win you back if he believes this to be true.

You’re not yet at a point of asking for your stuff back or sending his back to him either, unless he’s clearly moved on. If you either don’t want him back or you feel he’s truly done, go ahead, but if you hold any hope of him returning, hang onto that stuff for a while longer.

Why Does a Man Pull Away?

As you’ve now read, there are a host of answers to the question of why does a man pull away. Some of them require him to do some heavy-duty work on himself while others are more about him taking a break to recharge his testosterone again or sort out a problem.

Regardless of his reason, your actions are pretty much the same. Let him go do his thing. Most men go through this at some point in a relationship, so for you, it’s more of a time to wait it out.

Be supportive of him if he needs it, but don’t insert yourself into any situation where it seems he wants to be by himself. Your nurturing instincts won’t serve you well this time. Be patient. I know it sucks to feel the way you do right now, not knowing what the future holds, but I guarantee you better odds of him returning if you follow this advice!

To date a man, you must understand a man. Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations. To a man, his financial status indicates how well he can take care of you and your family. It's a source of pride for him to be able to do so, even if you make your own money and can support yourself.

It's how he was raised.

Men also love differently. Many relationships breakup for the simple reason that a man is showing a woman how much he loves her, but he isn't saying the words she longs to hear. He's taking her car to get the oil changed, building the shelves she desires in her office and helping with the outside chores. You're probably missing many of these signs that he loves you.

You gain so much insight into the male mind that you'll be amazed at what you suddenly see and understand in the behavior of all men around you. Not just the man you're in a relationship with, but the men you work with and those in your family.

Read more about the book here or click the buttons to buy it today!

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Why do Relationships Fail?

Why do Relationships Fail?

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Whether you’re just getting into your first serious relationship or you’re in a relationship that feels like it’s declining, the question is the same: why do relationships fail?

You want to know so you can either avoid the problems, put your thumb in the dike, and slow the rush of issues.

The truth is that there are many reasons relationships fail, but there are a few that stand out across many divorces and breakups. Fortunately, there are almost always things you can do to turn things around.

First, let’s look at what a failing relationship might look like.

What You’ll Find Here

What does a failing relationship look like?
Why do relationships fail? Poor communication
Lack of trust
Compatibility issues
Problems with addiction
You have different expectations
One of you is a narcissist
You’re growing differently
You grow apart, become bored, or fall into a rut
Money challenges
The relationship goes on autopilot
You’re codependent on one another
Why do relationships fail?

What Does a Failing Relationship Look Like?

There are several signs that your relationship is on the rocks.

  • Every little thing results in an argument
  • You’re thinking about cheating on him because you’re emotionally unhappy and unfulfilled
  • You don’t feel physically close or sexually attracted to your partner any longer
  • One or both of you distrust the other
  • You confide in someone other than your partner about important issues
  • You’d rather do your own thing than hang out with him
  • One or both of you have stopped pitching in around the house
  • You aren’t available for one another; you have your plans, and he has his so there’s no time to spend together
  • One or both of you feel jealous of the other
  • You criticize one another over the smallest things

Why do Relationships Fail? Poor Communication

At the top of the why relationships fail hit list is poor communication. Without great communication, I’m not sure how any relationship survives, whether it’s a romantic couple, two best friends, or a brother and sister.

Communication enables you to express appreciation, gratitude, disappointment, frustration, happiness, sadness, and a host of other feelings and emotions.

Not all communication is positive, especially if too many negative feelings are swirling around. Then communicating becomes the way to show your contempt for the other person through passive-aggressive comments, hurtful statements, and other negative utterances.

Contempt and respect are opposites, yet both are delivered via communication. Therefore, you can see that your choice of words and the tone with which you deliver those words is meaningful.

The same statement, delivered with a different tone of voice and attitude can be taken either way.

Perhaps the most important thing you communicate in a relationship is love. You do this through both body language and words.

Sitting down to have a conversation with your arms crossed over your chest shows closed body language. You’re saying that you aren’t open to whatever the other person has to say.

Sometimes, you aren’t even aware that your body language is defying you. Watching the body language of your partner tells you a lot about how he’s feeling at that moment as well.

Download 80 Ways to Read a Man

why do relationships fail

Lack of Trust

Aside from poor communication, lack of trust is a big answer to the question of why do relationships fail.

Your romantic partner is the person you rely on to have your back. He’s your knight in shining armor and you’re his princess, or at least that’s how it should be. What I mean by that is you should treat one another with the highest respect and regard.

You treat him as if he’s the most important person in your world and vice versa. He makes you feel safe and secure.

But if the trust between you is broken, it puts a strain on your relationship. The question you must examine is whether the trust was truly broken or whether there are factors that make you think trust was broken.

In other words, is there proof that he’s done something to break your trust? Can you back up your feelings with evidence? Your best friend telling you she saw your guy having lunch with a beautiful woman doesn’t mean he’s cheating.

There are many reasons for him to be lunching with someone you don’t know. It may pertain to his job, or it might be an old school friend he ran across. The other possibility, and I’ve seen this happen so don’t dismiss it, is that your friend isn’t telling you the truth.

Always make sure you know what you’re talking about before you level accusations or become jealous.

Jealousy is more often based on fears and insecurities than it is on actual proof, so approach with caution before leveling any charges.

Is Your Relationship Over?

Do you think your relationship is teetering on the edge of disaster? Has he aleady left? This is a great article for sure, but there are others! Just click the button to read them.

Find more articles here...

Why do Relationships Fail? Compatibility Issues

Early in a relationship, you have heat and excitement. You might be sexually compatible and for a while, that drives the relationship.

But as time passes, other areas of compatibility become more important, like being compatible in your values, long-term goals, and ideas of what your relationship will look like.

You may discover that while you want a house full of children, your guy doesn’t want any, or wants just one or two.

One of you may envision a life of traveling the world while the other is a homebody. You might be financially thrifty while your beau is a spendthrift.

There are tons of ways in which couples can be incompatible. Some of them can be worked through while others cannot. Forcing a man to father children when he doesn’t want them can lead to him resenting not only you but your children.

As your relationship blossoms, some of these things will rise to the surface and you can talk about them. If one partner is financially sound while the other isn’t, you can probably teach him and guide him about how to be better at his finances.

Still, there are instances where compatibility just isn’t possible and at that point, you’re best to cut your losses and find someone with whom you’re more compatible. As sad as it may be to realize the problem, it’s sadder still to go on in a relationship that won’t bring you happiness.

Problems with Addiction

Some people have addictive personalities. They may fall into alcohol or drug abuse, or they might become addicted to gambling or another vice like porn.

While one person may be addicted, the impact on those around that person ripples out like the rings from a rock dropped in water. Arguments might center around the addiction itself, or the impact of the addiction, like financial stress.

Addiction also impacts you if you spend any amount of time covering for your partner. He can’t go to work because he’s too hungover so you call him in sick to his boss.

Additionally, drinking or using drugs alters your personality. Some people become meaner when they drink.

As friends and family see what’s happening, they may try to intervene in the hopes of protecting you. But, if you’re in denial about the problem or don’t like the thought of someone else realizing there’s a problem, that intervention may distance you from friends and family.

Abusers often can’t keep a job, so they ask family members for money, creating additional strain on those relationships.

Unless you’re both addicted, problems with addiction are one reason why relationships fail.

why do relationships fail

Why Do Relationships Fail? You Have Different Expectations

It isn’t easy for two people to stay together for decades without there being some conflict along the way. How you manage that conflict makes the difference between staying together and drifting apart.

While physical and sexual attraction drives compatibility early in a relationship, other things take center stage as the relationship ages. As you grow older, you might find yourself more focused on what you want than what you both want.

A few types of differences in expectations are below.

You’re in it for the Long Haul – He Isn’t

While you may be out there looking for your Mr. Forever, your new beau might be seeking Ms. Right now but not Ms. Forever. In other words, he’s looking for hookups and you’re looking for a ring.

At some point in your early dating with a guy, you need to be clear on what your expectations are. It sucks to get hooked on a guy who’s more into hookups.

You Have Different Priorities

While you may want to travel the world, your new guy might be more into building his career or growing a new business.

You might prioritize having children while he wants to travel.

It’s okay to have those different priorities, but when it comes to thinking long-term, they need to be sorted out. For example, does he just want to travel while he’s young, then settle down and raise a family? Is he so career-driven right now because he has an end goal?

Priorities tend to change as you get older. Sometimes, people’s priorities are made in their immaturity and as they mature, they make a course correction.

A healthy discussion is often the best way to navigate priorities and determine whether there’s a compatibility issue now or a potential one in the future.

Why Do Relationships Fail? One of You is a Narcissist

It’s almost impossible for a narcissist to be in a successful relationship because their only focus is themselves. They find it difficult to develop intimacy with anyone due to their constant need to be admired and adored.

It’s easy to get sucked in by a narcissist because they can be charming, but soon, their over-inflated impression of themselves will rear its ugly head and make getting close almost impossible.

Some research indicates that narcissists are more likely to cheat on their partners. Additionally, they’re more prone to manipulation, extreme selfishness, breaking rules, contempt toward others, violating boundaries, a sense of entitlement, and so on. Pretty much any word or phrase you’d associate with arrogance or self-centeredness applies here.

A narcissist is never going to see life through your eyes, and they don’t care how their actions are impacting you. Just how everyone else’s actions are impacting them.

This relationship is destined for failure. In this instance, there isn’t much you can do except find someone new.

You’re Growing Differently

When you’re young, your life is changing by leaps and bounds. You’re finding a way to a career or making plans to have a family. You and your partner might be on similar growth paths as you journey together.

Then, something changes and one of you advances through your career faster while the other either struggles to find the same success or stays home to raise the family.

Your social circles are no longer filled with the same people. One of you is doing the raising kids/mom or dad group/soccer thing while the other is building a social network around work cohorts.

Your goals are different, your social lives are different, and your growth plan is different. This can make it tricky to identify with the other person and their needs.

This is something that can be talked through if you’re both attentive, compassionate, and non-judgmental with one another.

Use excellent listening skills to truly hear your partner’s concerns and be kind in expressing yours. Chances are neither of you realizes what the other is thinking or feeling right now and with some cool-headed discussions, you can work through a solution that benefits you both.

why do relationships fail

Why do Relationships Fail? You Grow Apart, Become Bored, or Fall into a Rut

These are very common reasons why people grow unhappy in their relationships, but these reasons don’t necessarily mean you’re destined for relationship failure.

Chances are you just need to change things up a bit. In the case of growing apart, it’s sometimes possible to evaluate where you both are and see if you can come back together. For longer-term relationships, this is often a problem, but it doesn’t need to be a relationship ender.

How have you grown apart? Are there areas in which you feel you come back together? For example, you stayed home, ran your own business online, and raised your kids while he had a job outside your home for many years.

Now, you find yourself with kids in college, a business that practically runs itself, and time on your hands. You want to travel, but does your partner?

He’s got a great career, which he earned through hard work and dedication, but he’s nearing retirement so while he always worked hard, you may find that he too is ready to travel.

Of course, there are other instances in which you can’t come together and too much distance has developed between you. Then, you’re more likely to end up apart than together.

Money Challenges

Money is a great divider for couples, and not just married couples. For men, money is a big deal because it’s how they provide for their families. Women often don’t understand this and even though money is important to them as well, the levels of importance or what that means to their relationship are often different.

As I mentioned earlier, sometimes a spendthrift and a frugal spender end up together and this can produce disastrous results. I also said, however, that you can often work this issue out.

Many times, if someone is a spendthrift, one of two things happened in their earlier years. Either they had very wealthy parents who paid no attention to what things cost, or they were never taught financial responsibility because their parents didn’t know it either.

In either case, you were raised to be financially responsible and now you’re faced with teaching your partner to be the same.

Money issues cause you to be fearful and anxious. If your partner doesn’t regard money in the same way you do, you might not feel secure or safe. You may feel powerless and as if your life is out of control.

None of that feels good and it can lead to relationship issues if it’s not reined in.

Why do Relationships Fail? The Relationship Goes on Autopilot

Some folks think that after they’ve been together for a while, the relationship can survive on autopilot. This is a very wrong assumption.

Relationships take constant time and effort on the part of both partners.

I am a big proponent of weekly, or at least bi-weekly date nights. This is a time when you come together to enjoy one another. There’s no discussion of hot topics, no talking about the upcoming week’s schedule.

This is a time to plan together and catch up with one another. Set your phone aside to allow for face-to-face talking and engagement.

You can also keep your relationship from going on autopilot by staying tuned in to what’s important to your partner. Does he have a new hobby? Show some interest in it or try to combine one of your hobbies with one of his.

Also, remember that boredom in the bedroom is never good for a relationship. Explore one another’s fantasies. Try new things. Buy some sexy lingerie or try some couple’s games to spice things up.

If you feel things are becoming too routine, it’s time to shake them up!

You’re Co-Dependent on One Another

Codependence in a relationship is problematic. You should each rely on yourselves for happiness and satisfaction, but in a codependent relationship, your happiness is often based on your partner’s happiness.

An example is being with a partner who battles addiction or mental health issues. When he’s up, you’re up, but when he’s down, so are you. It has nothing to do with where you are in life and everything to do with where he is.

That’s not the only way you can be codependent, but it’s a great way to explain a more complex problem. The article linked above will give you more insight into codependence.

Why do Relationships Fail?

The bottom line is that relationships take time and energy. Think of it like a plant or a child. Every day, it needs time and nurturing so it can grow to be stronger.

If one or both of you aren’t putting in that time and energy, things begin to spiral downward. Sometimes, if you both begin spending time and energy again, you can turn things around, but if you wait too long, there might not be a way to recover.

We’ve discussed perhaps a dozen reasons why relationships fail here and you might see snippets of your relationship in one or more of those topics.

It’s up to you and your partner to sit down and determine whether you can overcome the challenges in your relationship.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating

How to Stop a Man from Cheating

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Today, I’d like to help you learn how to stop a man from cheating, but I’m here today to tell you that there is such a thing as being 100% faithful!

It’s true that as many as forty percent of couples experience some form of infidelity during their marriage. I think before I share with you how to stop a man from cheating, it might be a good idea to look at why men cheat.

Why Men Cheat

Men are more likely to cheat, which is the bad news, but there’s plenty of good news coming, so hang on! What I want you to remember as you read this is that you aren’t responsible for his actions. Regardless of the reason for his cheating, he made a choice to turn to someone else instead trying to work things out with you first.

Additionally, I’m using the word “you” here to really mean people in general. It might be you, or it might be him. Don’t take it personally!

Sex

One of the more common reasons men cheat is for sex. If he’s asking for sex and being turned down too frequently, he’ll become frustrated, and he may also take that rejection to heart. This will then make him feel insecure and unloved. It’s actually this feeling of insecurity that will lead him to cheat.

Frustration

If a man becomes frustrated with the relationship, he may seek an outside relationship that’s more open with better communication. Of course, many new relationships are great in these two areas, only to falter later.

When there are problems between you that go unresolved, it creates this feeling of frustration. Ultimately, this is often a communication problem, or an inability to solve problems.

Faulty Attachment Styles

Childhood trauma or growing up in a faulty relationship can give you faulty attachment styles, which means you enter into relationships you aren’t emotionally equipped to manage. Problems with attachment can also come from low confidence and self-esteem, making you afraid your partner will leave.

This, of course, causes you to be overzealous in wanting to know where he is all the time because you don’t believe you deserve him and that he’ll cheat. It turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy because the more jealous you become, the more likely he is to do the one thing you fear – cheat.

how to keep a man from cheating

Addiction

There are many types of addiction, but none of them are good for a relationship, regardless of which partner is battling the addiction.

Alcohol addiction in particular is problematic because alcohol lowers his inhibitions, making him more likely to use good judgment. While he might not consider having an affair when he’s sober, he might not really give much thought to it when he’s drunk.

One of His Parents Cheated

While cheating isn’t hereditary, seeing it and viewing it as how marriages are can skew his idea of what’s right and wrong in a relationship. Sometimes, it seems as if cheating runs in a family, and maybe it does, but not because of genetics.

Mental Illness

Some mental illnesses, like bipolar disease, make someone more prone to cheating. In the case of bipolar disease, for example, when someone is experiencing manic episodes, they’re less sexually inhibited.

Other things may come from childhood traumas, which have been shown to lead to cheating if they’re unresolved.

He’s Cheated Before

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Perhaps you’ve heard this and brushed it off, thinking your guy will be different. He may be, but if he cheated before, he’s more likely to do it again. While many men will think twice about cheating the first time, once they’ve done it, it’s not something they’re as apprehensive about the second time.

I always caution women of this if they’re now dating a man who cheated on his wife to be with them. You think you’re safe. He won’t do this to you. Well, don’t count on it because he just might.

Psychological Issues

Narcissists are particularly prone to cheating, which in their case, is often driven by ego and their own sense of entitlement. Since narcissists are also self-centered, they may lack empathy and not even care much about the impact of their cheating on you.

Dissatisfaction and/or Unhappiness

All too often, couples reach a point in their relationship where they believe they don’t need to put the work into it any longer. They’ve been together for a long time and things seem to be humming along.

This is a very faulty belief. Successful marriages take work throughout the entire marriage. As your marriage goes through different seasons, different types of work are required. For example, early in your marriage, you’re having children, which takes a lot of your energy away from one another. During this time, date nights not only give you a break from childcare but also give you a chance to reconnect.

As your relationship gets older and the kids grow up, you’ve probably each developed your own careers, interests, and hobbies. You spend more of your time on those things and less with each other. Again, a regular date night can be a great weapon against disconnect.

As you slowly grow apart, sex is less frequent too, and you already read about how that goes.

Feeling Unappreciated

This always makes me think of the movie, The Breakup with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. If you’ve seen it, then you have a great idea of how feeling unappreciated can damage a relationship.

In case you haven’t seen it, allow me a moment to explain feeling unappreciated.

He knows you have a busy week, so he offers to pitch in a little extra. He does his usual things, but then he also cooks dinner once or twice, or he offers to help clean up when he usually doesn’t. He might offer to take kids to practice or run some of your errands. In the end, all he gets from you is a quick nod as you dash off to the next thing.

You know how much you like to be appreciated for doing all of those things he’s doing for you now, and he’s no different. It’s like being ignored, and for men, there’s an extra twinge in there because men show their love through their actions, so when their actions go unappreciated, they feel unloved.

You Aren’t Really Committed to One Another

When you’re less committed to your relationship, you’re more likely to cheat. It makes sense if you think about it. Less of a commitment means less of an attachment to your partner, so what’s the big deal, right?

Well, of course it’s a big deal, especially if one of you feels more committed than the other.

Boredom

Boredom is really an overlying cause for some of these others, like sex. It’s no fun to be bored in anything, especially a relationship.

Early in your relationship, he didn’t know anything about you, and he had to chase you. Now, he has you and he knows a lot about you so that thrill of the chase is gone.

Boredom can also come into play if your sex life is too mundane. Every time you have sex it’s like a script you keep playing out. The same exact thing every single time. Are you even enjoying that? Probably not.

how to stop a man from cheating

Aging or Faulty Body Image

We’ve all heard of that midlife crisis men are expected to go through. They buy the fancy Corvette, dye their hair to wash out the gray and get a girlfriend who’s half their age.

When a man is going through this, he’s questioning whether he still has his old mojo. Cheating is his way of proving to himself that he hasn’t lost it, whatever it is.

Additionally, a man will blame his wife for letting herself go, which probably translates into she had children, which impacts her body, and she didn’t get back to that size six that she was twenty-five years ago. Of course, he forgets that he isn’t the same buff specimen he was back then either.

Payback

If you’ve had an affair, he might seek revenge by having his own affair. Of course, this tit-for-tat mentality does nothing good for your relationship.

If you want to get back together after you’ve cheated, you really should seek a marriage counselor so those unresolved feelings can be addressed and hurt feelings can be healed.

Secondary Causes for an Affair

While the above are all primary reasons for having an affair, there are some secondary things that can happen as well.

  • Online cheating where you don’t necessarily physically meet someone, but you form an emotional bond, taking away from the emotional bond you have with your spouse
  • Opportunities like traveling for long periods of time or having a long-distance relationship where spouses are apart more than they’re together
  • Poor boundaries like someone coming on to him and him not having the ability to say no
  • Pornography can become a gateway to cheating for some, especially as it’s become more readily available through the internet

How to Stop a Man from Cheating

With the causes for cheating in clear view, let’s examine how to stop a man from cheating. Some ways may seem obvious after reading the causes, but I’d like to spell them out anyway.

Enjoy a High Benefit Relationship

Okay, what does this mean? I call it putting pennies in the jar. When you and your guy dated in the early days, everything was exciting and new. I bet you both remember almost everything about your first date.

Those are pennies. Memories you make and share together. That’s how you build intimacy between you. Many people mistake intimacy for sex, but they’re not the same. If they were, people who partake in hookups would feel that intimacy, but they don’t.

When you have a high-benefit relationship, you have loads of those pennies and you’re continuously adding new pennies to the jar. Taking vacations together, strolling downtown together in the winter to view decorated shop windows, going apple picking, or even spending a cold night by the fire binge-watching Outlander are all ways to add pennies.

So, putting that energy into your relationship is very meaningful. Always looking for ways to share a special moment or two helps him not want to cheat. The cost of cheating would be too high. He has too much to lose.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Be Open to Sexual Experimentation

You have fantasies and so does he, but many people feel very vulnerable when sharing those fantasies. In fact, many people never share their fantasies. If he does share his, or if he asks you to do something a little different, don’t immediately shoot him down.

Be open to those new experiences. Who knows, you might even enjoy it more than you thought you would. This keeps him from being sexually bored, which is a huge deal when it comes to keeping him from cheating!

Also, if he shares a fantasy with you, try not to shoot him down too quickly. Again, this makes him feel vulnerable, as it would you. If you dismiss him or make fun of him, he won’t share again, but he might go find someone who won’t laugh at him and is willing to try.

Maintain Your Own Social Life

It’s possible to smother a man by spending too much time with him or demanding that he spend that much time with you.

By staying busy, you’re doing a couple of things. You’re placing value on his time with you and you’re allowing him time to be away from you and miss you.

Couples don’t need to be together 100% of the time in order to be successful, in fact, this is a great way to drive him away. Instead, get a hobby or two, enjoy a girls’ night with your friends, and maybe even do a night of Yoga once a week.

By not being underfoot all the time, you’re giving him time to realize that he wants to be with you.

how to stop a man from cheating

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Let Him Know He’s Wanted

Nobody likes to feel unwanted. Let him know you want him around by showing him you’re still interested in him. Tease him a little from time to time. Entice him with a sexy dress or by offering up a new sex toy or something he’s been fantasizing about.

When he’s thinking about cheating, it might be because he doesn’t think you’re interested in him any longer.

Appreciate Him

Men show their love for women through their actions. When he does things for you like getting your oil changed, buying your favorite coffee drink, or stopping to get your laundry, he’s showing you he loves you.

A simple thank you, baking him his favorite cookies, or preparing his favorite meal from time to time goes a long way in showing him that you appreciate the things he does.

For some people, appreciation is their love language, which intensifies the meaning and impact of it.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Be the One to Initiate Sex Sometimes

It’s the twenty-first century so it’s okay to initiate sex. In fact, your guy would love that. Men sometimes feel like they’re the only ones interested in sex, so if you initiate it from time to time, it shows him that you want him and that you’re interested in him.

For him, this might be how he measures how desirable he is to you and if you’re not initiating sex with him, he may believe, falsely or not, that you don’t find him desirable.

Don’t Lose Yourself in the Relationship

This kind of goes along with maintaining your social life, but it’s a little different. When you’re with someone you like, you have the urge to change who you are to be who you think he wants you to be.

But he didn’t fall for who he thinks you might be. He fell for you as you are or were. He fell in love with your quirks, your uniqueness, your style, and your personality.

Don’t try to change that because that is the woman he fell for, not some image of yourself that you think you need to become. Stay true to yourself.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Don’t Be Controlling

Fear makes you feel like you need to control him. You fear he’ll leave you if you don’t keep a tight rein on him, but that’s actually what may push him away.

Control comes in many forms, including manipulation through criticism, nagging, threatening, punishing, and even rewarding.

Let him be who he is, just like you want him to accept you for who you are. The behaviors you’re using to control him are the same ones that will push him out of your arms and into someone else’s.

Allow Him His Social Life

Just like you need to maintain your social life outside of your relationship, so does he, but many women feel this need to keep their guy from his friends.

He had those friends long before he met you. Some of those friendships may go back to childhood. Trying to eliminate those relationships can lead to resentment.

Just because you allow him to hang out with his friends doesn’t mean he’s automatically going to cheat or do something you don’t want him to. He was hanging out with them before he met you and you liked him then. He’s no different now.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Let Him See that He Lights You Up

Nothing pleases a man more than seeing your face light up when he walks into a room. For anyone, this is a very nice, yet indirect way of telling someone how much value they have in your life.

He needs to know that he’s having a positive influence on your life and that you truly enjoy being with him. A great way to let him know that is to show it on your face.

Also, let him know that you’re happy to be with him. Men aren’t intuitive when it comes to subtle hints, so tell him you’re happy.

Treat Him Like He’s Your Best Friend

I don’t know why, but sometimes people treat their partner like more of an enemy than a friend. Your guy might not be your best girlfriend that you share everything with, but he’s probably still your best friend.

Treat him with kindness, consideration, and respect. This shows him that you care for him and lets him know that you value him as an important part of your life.

Men aren’t intuitive like you might think they are, so don’t drop subtle hints.

how to stop a man from cheating

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Show an Interest in His Life

Your lives are intertwined. His work might be a mystery to you because you’re in totally different fields, but that doesn’t mean you can’t ask him about it. When you know he has an important presentation or a big meeting, be sure to ask how it went or offer to help him prepare. Maybe slip a You’ve got this, Babe type of note into his computer bag as a quick pick-me-up for him.

You can also show an interest in his hobbies. This is a great way for the two of you to bond. It’s even better when you can combine a hobby of yours with one of his. If you can’t combine, showing an interest in his hobby causes him to transfer some of his love for that hobby onto you.

You can do this by learning more about his hobby or buying him gifts related to his hobby. I have a friend who’s into taking apart cars that don’t run and putting them back together with new parts. He turns them into rat rods as a hobby. For Christmas, his wife got him tools and other items to help him finish his current project, which is a Jeep Wrangler.

Encourage Him to Be the Best Version of Himself

We all need a cheerleader. Be there to back him up, support him when he needs it, and give him a little nudge when he’s a little unsure of his path.

If you’re the one who’s there for him in his pursuit of greatness, his love for you will only grow. When he experiences something great, be there to celebrate with him and encourage him to try something new.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Take Care of Yourself

I get a lot of flak for this one because people misunderstand what I’m saying, so hear me out before you move on. When you take care of yourself, I want you to do it for yourself, not for anyone else. Here’s why it’s important to your relationship, though.

When you take care of yourself, it’s a signal to the outside world that you have high self-esteem and self-worth. If your confidence is a little low, taking care of yourself can help you build it.

Additionally, taking care of yourself, which means drinking plenty of water, eating healthy meals, getting plenty of sleep, and working out in some way, helps you alleviate stress and anxiety.

When you’re taking care of yourself, your guy can’t use the excuse that you’ve let yourself go, as men tend to do in the middle of their own midlife crisis.

Focus on Your Own Personal Growth

While you’re being a cheerleader for your guy, he might also be your greatest fan. Personal growth is something I believe we should never abandon. I’m always in search of something new to learn or try.

Personal growth happens in many ways. You can learn new skills or hobbies, advance your career, or read self-help and educational books. Travel to new places and explore new cultures or just change things in your life, like where you live or what you do for your job.

Personal growth keeps your confidence up and also keeps you interesting and challenging to your guy. It also injects a bit of mystery. If you come home saying you’ve decided to take up rock climbing or candle making, your guy will shake his head with a smile and wonder what’s next.

This keeps him interested in you and intrigued.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Give Him Personal Space When He Needs It

Men and women manage most things in their lives differently. One example is how Men Love in Different Ways. I’ve already mentioned this a couple of times. While women are verbal, men take action.

You want to hear him say “I love you” so badly that you miss the signs that tell you he does love you. Men aren’t verbal. Yes, a man will say “I love you” because he knows you expect it, but his real signs that he loves you come in the things he does for you.

One way men and women are different is in how they manage stress and emotional situations. For a guy, it’s difficult sometimes to manage emotions. Many men are raised to believe that the only acceptable emotions are anger and frustration, leaving them unable to cope with emotions like sadness and disappointment.

So when your guy is feeling something he doesn’t know how to manage, he needs space. Meanwhile, you’re probably a nurturer who wants to help and soothe him, and when he turns you away, you take it personally and get upset.

It’s a major disconnect between men and women that causes many problems.

Instead of trying to nurture him, leave him alone. Let him work things out on his own. When he’s ready, he’ll come to you if he needs you, but forcing him to talk to you about it won’t help him. He needs space and time to work through this by himself, so please give it to him. Find other things to do like working on your hobbies or hanging out with your friends.

He’ll come around and be grateful to you if you allow him this time.

Take control of your relationship by understanding men

Control Your Own Emotions

Since men can’t often manage their own emotions, this leaves them also unable to manage yours.

Every human on the planet experiences difficult emotions, but few understand what I’m about to tell you – that you can control your reactions to what you’re feeling. Please don’t be upset with me for telling you that. This is a life lesson that, once learned, will make you a much happier person.

If you do experience something that’s emotionally difficult, call a girlfriend, your mother, or your sister and unload the brunt of your emotions on them first. Share the details, scream, cry, stomp your feet, or do whatever it takes to burn off that initial energy.

Of course, better yet is to choose how to react to the situation and use less aggressive emotions, but that’s for another post.

Once you meet up with your guy, you’ve burned off all that energy from the situation and you’re calmer. Just know that he’s going to want to fix the problem, so when you start telling him about it, only wanting a sounding board, try not to step on his natural urge to fix it.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Make Your Relationship a Priority

Earlier, I said that you can’t put a relationship on autopilot and expect it to survive. Instead, make your relationship a priority. Set a day of the week that’s only for date night. That’s a sacred appointment on your calendar that you don’t break unless it’s a true emergency.

Setting aside this time allows you to spend time with one another alone, and it provides you with the chance to reconnect. This is especially important as your relationship ages and you drift off in different directions.

Make the commitment to one another to always prioritize your relationship. Think of it this way, if your relationship falters, it hurts your children and other family relationships, so making it a priority is making your family a priority at the same time.

Don’t Talk About Your Relationship to Everyone

It’s fine to have a bestie to share your relationship woes with, but don’t post them on Facebook, Instagram, or any other social media platform. It’s petty and cheap and it’s there forever, long after whatever disagreement sent off in that direction to begin with.

Ideally, you don’t share your relationship with anyone, and you solve your problems by communicating with one another, but I know that isn’t realistic. Sometimes, you just need to burn off that anger or frustration and I just told you to do that with a friend. When you’re talking about your relationship, make it a trusted friend – someone you know won’t go off blabbing to everyone.

How to Stop a Man from Cheating | Wrap Up

I hope you searched this topic out of curiosity and not because you truly fear that your guy may cheat, but if that is your fear, I hope what you’ve read here has helped you a lot.

Keeping a relationship on solid ground isn’t difficult, but it does take an effort on not just your part but his too.

If you’re still dating, make sure this guy isn’t one who has a wandering eye. I would caution you against a guy who seems to be relationship-hopping. This means he lacks the confidence to maintain a great relationship.

If you’re already in a relationship or married, you now have the tools you need to keep things going smoothly.

Be sure to check out my book, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, which is linked below, for more tips on how to keep your relationship great!

Is He a Keeper? Four Test Dates to Find Out

Is He a Keeper? Four Test Dates to Find Out

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

I often tell you that the best way to answer the question, “is he a keeper” is to take him on dates that will expose everything about him. You need to look past the killer smile and the six-pack abs, and see the real man.

You may be man shopping, or evaluating a new man, based on a list you created. Does he have a good job, or is he a slacker? Is he kind to others? Does he have a temper? Does he have kids, or an ex wife? Is he looking to settle down, or is he just out for a good time? Is he the possessive, jealous type? Is he being honest, or is he a habitual liar? Does he drink too much, or take drugs? Is he a player? All these thoughts running around in your brain could drive a girl crazy!

But, coming right out and asking him about all this can quickly feel like more of an interview than a date. Instead of playing reporter, test your new guy with these four dates, guaranteed to set your mind at ease. Then, you can make an informed decision on whether or not he’s a keeper.

Date #1: The Meet His Friends Date

Suggest a get-together with HIS friends. You could all go grab a beer at a pub, or maybe you could host a backyard cookout, or sit in on a poker night? This is a really easy way to get some clarity when your eyes are clouded with little hearts (and big biceps). If his friends are all immature or if they are players, chances are your guy is too. Take time to talk to all his friends. If he has been lying to you all along, an accidental revelation from his close pal can be a real eye-opener.

On the other hand, if he hangs with a good group of guys, where does he stand in the pack? Do his friends have respect for him? Pay close attention to how he behaves around the guys? Does he behave differently from the man he is with you? Does he put you second when it comes to his buddies, or is he attentive and proud to show you off?

Date #2: The Meet Your Friends Date

You should make sure YOUR friends get to meet your new guy as well. Throw a small dinner party with the girls or meet up with friends at a bar or restaurant. Girlfriends have your back, and even though you may not like what they have to say, they may see something about him that you are missing – like if he’s checking out other women, or even worse, hitting on one of your friends! Nobody can better answer the question, “is he a keeper” than your friends!

Your girlfriends can also ask the tough questions for you — all those thoughts running around your brain and driving you crazy! You can even give them a specific list of things you want to know, before the get together. After all, you can’t help it if your friends are overprotective of you!

Date #3: The Too Much To Drink Date

Alcohol is like a man’s truth serum. But if you want to get the whole truth and nothing but, YOU need to stay completely sober! Whether you nurse one drink all night, or stick to sparkling water with a twist of citrus, go to Happy Hour and see how he acts. Alternatively, you can drop in while he’s out with the guys, after he’s already had a few drinks.

Is he a loud, rude, and/or obnoxious drunk? Is he overly grabby and behaving inappropriately or disrespectfully? Is he aggressive, picking fights with anyone and everyone? Is he embarrassing himself and acting like a complete idiot? Or worse, is he drunk ALONE? All these can be big red flags.

On the other hand, maybe he has a few too many but keeps his cool, or maybe he’s a guy who doesn’t overdo it and drinks responsibly. You won’t know for sure until you go on this date!

Date #4: The Meet His Family Date

This is last on the list since this normally would not happen until you were dating for a while. But it’s really important to see how a man treats his family, and in particular, his mother. This can be very telling. If he does not respect his own mom, chances are he will not treat any woman in his life with respect. Of course, if he is all about Mama and puts her above everyone else, including you, you may also want to think twice.

His family knows him better than anyone, so be prepared to hear embarrassing stories about his childhood. If any serious issues come to light, trust that these are the people who love him unconditionally and would not say something disparaging if it were not true. Of course, if he has a strained relationship with his family, you may need to rely on the power of female intuition to tell you what is true and what is not. Be sure to keep this in mind – tension and mistrust within a family could be another red flag.

Remember, YOU are the chooser. There are good men out there waiting to date you, and maybe you have already found one. If you are not sure about the new man in your life, take Gregg’s good advice and test your guy with these four dates.

Don’t you think you’ve dated enough losers? Isn’t it time to find a great guy to date? Maybe you think you already have!

This book will help you know for sure! You’ll go in-depth on the good and bad qualities to look for in a man so you an know for sure.

End the guessing game and Weed out the Users!

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Every Woman Needs a Good Story: What’s Your Story?

Every Woman Needs a Good Story: What’s Your Story?

Build Confidence, Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After

Do you want to meet quality men? If so, you need a good story. What’s your story? Let me show you how to meet quality men by building a good story. Consider me to be any of the following people:
  • A man thinking about dating you
  • A boss considering you for a job
  • A friend you just met who wants to hang out with you
  • A family member (or a bank) considering lending you money
What do all these people have in common? They all want to know your story. If this story is interesting, unique and positive, they will grant you the action you desire. Hmm, you say? What do you tell them? What’s your story? Your story, the story you tell them, started years ago, maybe even decades ago. If that story is not positive, your story starts today! Women who get what they want out of life have a great story. This story doesn’t need to be about how you conquered the world or even how fast you ran a mile. When you tell a man your story, he is able to gauge your level of confidence. The role of confidence in dating cannot be ignored. What’s a good story? This high value woman, Meghan, has a story like this:
  • I’m busy all week long, yoga on Monday and Thursday, volleyball on Tuesday, and Friday out with the girls
  • I went to Paris last month, I had a great time seeing the sights…
  • My friends and I tried wind surfing, after 15 attempts I…
  • I went to the ICA Museum in Boston on Sunday, wow, who knew…
  • Three more weeks and I will have completed my bachelor’s degree in…
  • I put a hold on my gym membership and joined Crossfit!
See how busy Meghan is and interesting she must be? This is because she is constantly on the move – trying new things and saying no to any suggestion of a routine. Her life is rich with experiences. Will she fail at some of these things or not like them? Oh yeah! But that doesn’t stop her because she has the confidence to fail so she can succeed. Now, imagine what Meghan will be like when she goes on a date with a quality guy like Jack – a guy she met while wind surfing. She will be interesting because she has stories to tell. She will have opinions because she has experiences in many fields. She will be generally happy and positive because she lives life with reckless abandon! Jack? His jaw is on the ground. Not because of Meghan’s stunning looks, no – she is very average looking, but because she is so much fun to be with! Meghan wants to know all about Jack and he loves talking about himself (like all guys do.) She doesn’t talk much about herself and this makes her mysterious. Suddenly Jack wants to find out more about her and when he asks, he is amazed! Megan wraps up the date early because she has plans and this makes Jack’s jaw drop even more. Is a second date in the making? – You can bet your life on it if Jack has his way. So tell me, what’s your story?

To date a man, you must understand a man. Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations. To a man, his financial status indicates how well he can take care of you and your family. It’s a source of pride for him to be able to do so, even if you make your own money and can support yourself.

It’s how he was raised.

Men also love differently. Many relationships breakup for the simple reason that a man is showing a woman how much he loves her, but he isn’t saying the words she longs to hear. He’s taking her car to get the oil changed, building the shelves she desires in her office and helping with the outside chores. You’re probably missing many of these signs that he loves you.

You gain so much insight into the male mind that you’ll be amazed at what you suddenly see and understand in the behavior of all men around you. Not just the man you’re in a relationship with, but the men you work with and those in your family.

Read more about the book here or click the buttons to buy it today!

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Dating Over 40: Middle Aged and Kickin It

Dating Over 40: Middle Aged and Kickin It

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After

Whether you’re just divorced or are pulling your head up above your career-focused life, dating over 40 can feel very daunting and challenging. If you’re just out of a relationship, you’re experiencing not only the feelings of loss, but also the angst of wondering if and when you’ll find someone new.

If you’ve been career-focused for the last few years, that’s okay, but you most likely still have the anxiety associated with dating, along with a few stigmas and myths about dating over 40.

Rest assured that I’ve got all aspects of this covered for you today! First, we’ll talk about those myths of dating over 40 and determine if any of them have any validity.

Then, we’ll look at how you should approach this new dating life you seek.

Finally, I’ll share some common mistakes women over 40 make when entering or re-entering the dating scene.

I’m ready if you are!

Dating over 40 Myths

Myth #1: All the Good Men are Taken

Whether you’re looking online or in person, this simply isn’t true. Are there slimeballs out there? Yes! BUT, if you’re a confident woman when your stilettos hit the dating scene, those slimeballs will steer clear of you.

The truth is that if you go into dating assuming that all the men you find are not good men, that’s exactly what you will find.

Great men can sniff out a jaded woman from fifty paces, just like they won’t approach a woman who lacks confidence, so going into dating over 40 with this mindset will indeed cause you find only slimeballs, but not because the great men aren’t out there. They’re just avoiding you because they see you very clearly.

The truth is that there are millions of single men over 40 and they’re looking for the same thing you are, a healthy, happy relationship.

Of course, there are those out there who are catfishing and you need to learn how to be on the lookout for them, but going into it thinking that every man is a schmuck won’t get you anywhere.

Myth #2: I’ll Only Date THESE Men and I’ll be Fine

If you’ve been in a relationship or two, you’ve likely also been bitten by a bad relationship or two. This often causes you to form a list that goes something like this:

  • I’ll only date college-educated men
  • My man must have a professional degree (doctor, lawyer, etc.)
  • I’ll only date men who are six feet tall or taller
  • I won’t date men with children
  • Men who ride motorcycles are OUT
  • The man I date must be a true gentleman

I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. While it’s fine to have a list of things you’re looking for in a man, it can also fix the situation so no man will ever meet your criteria. This is actually your dating fear hard at work.

Create a list. Go ahead. I encourage it. But make this list with knowledge and be flexible. Go back through your past relationships and make two lists – one of things you liked about each man, and one of things you didn’t like about each man. Find the things that repeat on those lists, like college education or profession.

Those are your guidelines. They aren’t hard and fast rules. There will be one or two must-have and must-not-have items on your list, but don’t make every item a must.

The man you’re attracted to may surprise you, but you’ll never find him if you aren’t flexible.

Also, don’t include too many superficial items, like how they look or how much money they make.

Think of your own values and goals in life. If you value hard work, you’ll want someone who does also, regardless of the color of his hair. If you want to retire at fifty-five and travel the world, a family man might not work out very well.

Myth #3: All Men in Online Dating are Liars

Whenever you use all or nothing phrasing, you’re asking for trouble. Not all men in the online dating world are liars, well, not about the big stuff anyway. Lying on a dating profile can probably best be described in degrees.

Everyone lies about the last ten pounds, hoping that when you meet, it won’t matter. Everyone posts the absolute best picture of themselves, regardless of the fact that it was taken five years ago. Generally speaking, those lies are harmless enough.

What you need to look out for are men who try to pull a fast one on you to get money from you. Hopefully, you already know not to send money to a stranger, and yes, he is a stranger. I don’t care how many emails and messages you swap, he’s a stranger.

Dating Over 40 Myth #4: I’ll Lose Myself

It’s so easy to get comfortable in the life you’ve built, and a common misperception is that if you start dating, you’ll lose who you have worked so hard to become.

This is a low-confidence fear centered around not having enough boundaries to protect that woman you’re working so hard to become.

Before entering the dating scene, it’s important that you build that dating confidence and learn what boundaries are necessary to help you maintain your sense of self.

We attract people who are most like us, so if you want to attract kind, confident men, then you must become that woman. The boundaries you set will help you hold onto your confidence and kindness, or whatever other attributes you find important. This goes back to that values conversation we had a little bit above.

Determine what your values are and live up to them. Set goals around them and work toward those goals. Set boundaries around those values and protect your journey to achieve your goals.

You won’t lose yourself in the right man. The right man will join you on your journey, value many of the same things you do, and help you maintain the many layers that make you the woman you are.

Myth #5: I’m Not Good Enough

This is another low confidence, low self-esteem myth. I read a phrase that rings true in this situation – it’s called obsessive comparison disorder. This is when you spend too much time comparing yourself to others.

Nobody has traveled the road you’ve been on. Nobody is exactly like you, so comparing yourself to anyone else is like comparing apples to oranges. It’ll never work, but if your self-esteem is low, it will always confirm your beliefs that you aren’t good enough.

Let me ask you this. What aren’t you good enough for? You’re certainly good enough to have happiness. You’re absolutely good enough to be worthy of a great man, and I know without a doubt that you’re good enough to deserve a loving relationship.

But you won’t believe me, and if these types of thoughts are banging around in your head on a regular basis, it might be worthwhile to seek professional help. These thoughts usually originate somewhere else – like a parent who always told you that you weren’t good enough when you were growing up, either in words or by their actions. It can also come from dating verbally abusive men in your past.

Regardless of the source, a professional can often help you overcome those thought processes and set you on a course of happiness.

Dating Over 40 Myth #6: I Have Too Much Baggage

Imagine a great man who was handsome, has the same values as you, has similar life goals, and seems confident and solid introduced himself to you. If you found out a few dates in that he has two kids, an ex-wife, and a demanding job, would you dump him, just because of those things?

Unless you totally hate kids, you’re probably saying, “Heck NO Gregg! Send me that guy!”

So why do you think having those same things in your life makes you unattractive to a man? Men in their forties don’t expect you to be a twenty-year-old teenager with a perfect body, no kids, and all the time in the world to dote on them.

Most men in their forties are just like you – looking for love the second time around. Sure, one or two of them might be looking for a much younger girl, but even those men often learn that a twenty-year-old isn’t all she’s cracked up to be.

The truth is that your baggage isn’t any heavier than that of most other people your age. Young people also have baggage, just different baggage. If something comes up, focus on what you learned from the experience, instead of the negatives of the event. A confident man will appreciate the learning experience.

Dating After 40: A New Approach

Step One: Take Some Time Off

While your gut, and maybe your Aunt Mary, are telling you to get right back out there and find a new guy, that’s your insecurity talking.

You’re better off to take some time off to heal and to prepare yourself for love again first. The sooner you rush back in, the more likely you are to find the wrong types of men.

Step Two: Check and Rebuild Your Confidence

If you were to evaluate your confidence right now, what would you say it is? Low, medium, or high?

Maybe if I give you a definition of confidence, you’ll be better able to assess it.

Confidence is feeling sure of yourself and your abilities, not to the point of arrogance, but in a realistic and secure way.

By definition, you can have high confidence in some areas of your life and lower confidence in others. For example, if you’re a great artist, your confidence in your artistic ability is probably pretty high, but if you’ve been through a few bad relationships, your dating confidence may be low.

So, if I ask you again now, what’s your confidence, and I narrow it down to dating, what is your reply?

Once you assess where your confidence is, you can boost it as needed. Each area of your life will be a little different as far as bringing your confidence up, but if you work on yourself in general, you will find that it raises across the board.

For example, if you really want to work on your dating confidence, get a friend and go out for an evening to a place where you believe you’ll see single men. This might be a local pub or a jazz club. It might be a volunteer opportunity or some other type of event, like a wine tasting.

The key for this outing isn’t to get a date, but merely to bring yourself to smile at a few men who interest you. If someone walks by and says “Hello,” it’s okay to reply with a quick hello. All you’re looking for here are a few innocent interactions.

Step Three to Dating Over 40: Be Patient

Dating isn’t a sprint, it’s a cross country stroll. Men and women view dating in very different ways, much like they view everything else.

Don’t rush the process. Linger and enjoy it. Dating is meant to be fun, but we often put too much pressure on ourselves, and it makes it more like a chore.

Be patient. If you’ve built your confidence, you’ve put an armor around yourself to deflect the losers and players. Once they sense your confidence, they’ll avoid you and move on to an easier target. The confident men you’re trying to attract will be drawn to you.

But don’t find one guy and latch on for dear life. Date several men at once and figure out what you really want. I know this goes against what you think, but you don’t have a commitment to these men yet and I guarantee that they’re dating other women.

This also means not applying pressure to become exclusive too soon. Dating should be fun. The sole purpose of dating is to figure out if you’re a good match and to learn more about one another.  Too often, many women view each date as a step toward the alter. Drop that mindset and just enjoy the process.

Get to know the men you choose to date. Do fun things on dates instead of dinner dates. Go hiking, bowling, to a sporting event, or whatever activities interest you. These are real life activities where you can see how he responds to real life situations.

But most of all, be patient. Don’t rush things. Date several men and slowly weed out those who don’t feel like a good fit. Most importantly, never give a man the right to have sex with you until he’s proven himself worthy of you!

Step Four: Try New Things

You’re single now. It’s time to branch out! And don’t tell me you can’t because you have kids. If they spend time with their father, you have that time. If they don’t, you can always trade babysitting with a friend or ask a family member to watch them for you.

Try new hobbies. Learn a new skill. Plan a trip, even if it’s just for a day, to explore new places. What have you always wanted to try but you’ve been afraid to do? It’s now time to go for it!

This gives you another benefit. You’re adding chapters to your story, and exciting chapters at that! No, a man might not be interested in quilting, but he’ll be fascinated by the process of cutting large pieces of fabric into small pieces, only to put them back together into another large piece. He’ll be totally intrigued by how you get the wick to stand up in a candle.

When you go out on dates, you have these new experiences to share, and that makes you mysterious.

When men date, they date to have fun. When they meet a woman, the best thing about her is often that she’s a complete mystery. Men love to unravel the mystery, one bit at a time and coming to a date with the news that you just tried scuba diving for the first time or that you walked three chihuahuas, a beagle, a German shepherd, and four yorkies earlier in the day will fully intrigue him.

Step Five of Dating Over 40: Get Up to Date

If you haven’t been in the dating scene in a few years, you need to realize that things have changed. The longer you’ve been out of dating, the more things have changed.

This isn’t just true about dating apps either. Dating in general has also changed, for better or worse in some cases. Men don’t always come to pick you up for a date – you meet at the venue. This is a good thing if you’re meeting someone from an online dating site, but it’s also a good idea for the guy you met last week while watching football at the pub.

Ask your friends who’ve been dating for a while how to navigate the dating scene today. Read up on the assorted apps so you know which ones are for hookups only and which ones are more about what you want.

Other Tips on Dating Over 40

Don’t Follow ‘Old Fashioned’ Etiquette

Back in the day, a woman sat and waited on a man to reach out to her. That’s one of those things you need to get up to date on.

Women reach out now. Whether it’s in person or online, it’s okay for you to approach a man you’re interested in.

Don’t just put a profile online and wait for men to reach out. Put up a profile and then start winking, giving a thumbs up, or whatever to men you find appealing.

If you’re out with your friends, don’t be afraid to offer to buy a man a drink or challenge him to a game of pool. This is a show of confidence and strength that a confident man will admire.

Don’t Say “Yes” to Every Inquiry

Yes, I told you to date other men and yes, I just said you should be proactive, but that doesn’t mean you should say yes to every inquiry a man makes.

Every man who reaches out on an online dating app won’t be for you, and just because you find a man visually appealing doesn’t mean he won’t turn out to be a frog later.

You’re under no obligation to date anyone. Even if a guy buys you a drink, it doesn’t mean you owe him anything, just like you buying a man a drink doesn’t mean he owes you anything. Never let a man, or anyone for that matter, pressure you into something your gut is saying no to.

Saying “Yes” to everything also will exhaust you. While it’s important for you to get back out there, it’s also important for you to maintain the singles life you’re building, even when you start dating just one guy.

Set aside time for hobbies and time with your friends and keep that time, even after Mr. Wonderful comes into your life (and let him keep those things for himself too).

Don’t Make Elaborate Date Plans

I mentioned earlier that dates should be fun. Yes, the traditional date is a dinner or coffee, but that doesn’t provide you with the privacy you need to get to know one another, nor does it give you a good glimpse into who you each are.

Plan a date in public where you can do something fun together and still be visible to others, without having people breathing down your neck. I mentioned bowling before. This is a great first date because it’s something very few people are good at, so you can easily get caught up in laughing at your abilities or using bumpers to keep from throwing gutter balls.

You’re out in public, but you have your own lane, many offer food and beverages, so you can still eat if you want, and you get to know his personality under more ‘natural’ circumstances.

Look at Early Dates as Meetings

This is especially true if you’re meeting someone you met online. Set a time limit of maybe thirty minutes for the date. Agree to meet in a public place, and then stick to your guns.

This isn’t a date, regardless of what verbiage you use when you plan it. Try to keep using the words meeting and meet instead of date. This sets a different expectation.

It is a meeting where you get together with your new friend and determine what, if any, chemistry may be between you. Enjoy a tea or coffee and relax. If you don’t like him or he doesn’t like you, it’s okay. It’s a meeting, not a lifetime commitment.

If you view your first few dates in this way, it will take some of the pressure off of the experience and will help you be less emotional during the meeting. This, in turn, helps you use our logical thought processes instead of emotional.

Don’t Rush into Sharing Your New Beau with Your Kids

Your kids are not dating your new guy, but they will ultimately. Still, this doesn’t mean you invite someone you’ve known for two weeks to meet your children.

For one thing, you should be dating multiple men at this point, and parading multiple men in front of your kids is a poor example for them to see.

Wait until you know a man before you introduce him to your kids. While there’s no specific timeline for this, you should at least wait a couple of months.

Of course, I’m assuming also that you didn’t get divorced last week and now you’re dating someone new. You’ve taken some time off and rebuilt your confidence first. In doing this, you also give your children time to adjust.

Be Patient with Sex

Insecurity forces women to have sex with men sooner than they should. Any man who makes it seem like you either must have sex with him or lose him altogether is worth losing.

A great man may insinuate that he wants to have sex with you, but he will respect you more if you make him wait and earn it.

No, you won’t lose him, and if you do, good riddance. He’s not the great guy you thought he was.

The exception, of course, is if you’re just in it for hookups, but I’m assuming that if you’re here, that’s not what your ultimate goal is.

Wait until your relationship is headed in a good direction. You’ve weeded out the other men and you’re feeling pretty good about this guy being a keeper, at least for now.

A man will respect you if you make him wait. It shows him that you respect yourself and have boundaries. Those are both good things!

Trust Your Gut!

Your intuition is your best friend. If your gut is telling you there’s something hinky about a guy, listen. Chances are that your intuition is right.

Too many times, we ignore our gut instincts, only to later wish we’d listened. I’m sure if you think back, you can recall a few of those instances in your own life.

Don’t Get Upset with His Outside Life

Now that you’re in your forties, your life is more complex. When you were in college, you had your studies and maybe a part-time job to worry about.

Today, you may have children, professional obligations, workout routines, and hobbies that keep you busy.

So do men.

If a man tells you he can’t meet with you at a desired time, it’s okay, unless it becomes a habit. Things happen. Plans with the kids change, work demands creep in, and other things come up.

Additionally, you might not be the night owl you once were, and neither is he. Dinner at seven might be too close to bedtime for both of you.

Just don’t try to read between the lines if he changes your plans. It might mean that he legitimately has something else he needs to do.

Dating Over 40: That’s a Wrap!

Dating over 40 might seem like a scary thing, but if you take some time to regroup, rebuild your confidence, and are patient with the process, you’ll thank yourself later!

Dating requires patience, regardless of your age, and confident women will always draw confident men into their orbit.

If you’re patient, you build a life outside of dating, you will find true happiness and a rewarding relationship.

The True Story of a Successful Long-Distance Relationship

The True Story of a Successful Long-Distance Relationship

Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

A Long Distance Relationship Story

Hi, Gregg here with another long distance relationship story from a reader. This one comes from Emerson, who wanted to share with you her story of a successful long distance relationship. I always encourage you, my readers, to send me your stories. Only with your permission will I publish them, so don’t worry. Your stories are otherwise confidential!

Hi, my name is Emerson. When was the last time you got a handwritten love letter? I get them more often than most women do. Now let me ask you this, when was the last time you kissed your love? Probably this morning before he or she went off to work, right? Mine was three months ago when I dropped him off at the airport to go back to his duty station 3,000 miles away. Crazy, huh? How do I do it? How can that actually work? Trust me; I’ve heard all the questions.

Long Distance Relationship Story

Long Distance Relationship Stories

It started six years ago when my husband was on shore duty in the Navy. During shore duty he is on land and doesn’t have to go to sea for three years. We met through an online dating site and knew pretty early it was going to be something special. He was such a romantic. He surprised me with a trip to Disney World on our third date. Go ahead ladies, drool. I had found my keeper! When things got serious we had the discussion of when he would relocate and go back to sea. I have children from a previous marriage and share joint custody with my ex-husband. Moving with the Navy wasn’t an option.

As much as you prepare yourself (or try to prepare yourself) for the change, you’re never really ready. It was the hardest thing to put him on that plane knowing it would be months before I saw him again. Even worse, he is on a submarine so it limits our contact while he’s away. They don’t have phones down there and I’m not a mermaid.

I was always a believer that Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) would never work. Like Gregg says in the fashion of Yoda, do or do not, there is no try. Of course what he actually said was, “make a commitment or call it off, there is no room for the in-between.” But, same thing. There is no truer statement. You have to be all in or it will never work, but if your love can pass the test of physical separation, you will have a bond with true staying power.

I have learned in the three years living 3,000 miles apart from my husband that our love has actually grown stronger. “Distance in miles doesn’t have to mean distance in affection”, as Gregg put it in his book, Committed to Love, Separated by Distance. Since my husband moved, we have become so much more affectionate. Toward the end of three years of living together, before the move, we began to take each other for granted. He was busy with his life and I was busy with mine. We would have the meaningless, “How was your day?” conversation and kiss before we turned out the light. It was going through the motions. Being forced apart actually brought us together.

The transition wasn’t easy, but we learned ways to make it work. In the beginning it was hard to figure out what to say. It was like we were having the same stale conversation again and again. We had to figure a way to break through that. Luckily with the help of Gregg we did. Now, we have virtual date nights Skyping while we watch our favorite TV shows together (of course, they are prerecorded since we are on a three hour time difference). I found a fun website with a list of interesting questions and asked my husband a different question each day from the list. We send handwritten love letters and care packages out of the blue. When we do get to spend time together physically, we don’t take a moment of that for granted. It’s almost like the “honeymoon phase” of our early romance. We understand how important it is to maintain a strong connection.

While he is away at sea we don’t get those phone calls or FaceTime. Those are the hardest. I keep a journal for him. I write him love letters every day (like a real life version of The Notebook, minus the dementia part). I make notes of funny things in entertainment news, viral videos he would love, and general happenings that he is missing while he is submerged under the sea.

I am an alligator wrestler (in the words of Gregg). I do what people believe can’t be done. I have a happy and fulfilled marriage to a wonderful man who happens to live 3,000 miles away from me. True love knows no geographical bounds. No relationship is perfect, but if it is worth having, it is worth fighting for. Life’s roughest storms prove the strength of our anchors, and our love has proven it is tough enough to withstand a hurricane. The countdown is on for his return, for good this time. He will be relocating back home to me this fall and we cannot wait! Our family marks off the calendar each day in anticipation of his return. Now, to transition back to living under the same roof after three years apart… I may to seek out some help from Gregg on that! – Emerson

Do have a long distance relationship story that you would like to share? Do have tips that might others? Please comment below or contact me directly at Gregg@WhoHoldsTheCardsNow.com

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