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What is Micro-Cheating?

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If you’re asking, what is micro-cheating, then you probably feel there’s a problem of some sort in your relationship.

Micro-cheating is often viewed differently, depending on if you’re the one doing the cheating or the one being cheated on.

Today, I thought we’d go through micro-cheating together so I can help you decide if this is something you want to tolerate in your relationship.

First Things First – What is Micro-Cheating?

Micro-cheating is when someone breaches your trust, even if just a little bit. One example is a person who’s married but goes out with friends and leaves their wedding band at home.

Another example is what they would describe as harmless flirting, while you call it too much flirting.

A third example is a partner who is constantly texting his ex while claiming that he only has eyes for you.

Another type of micro-cheating is when you and your partner are out together, but your partner acts as if you aren’t in a committed relationship. He might treat you more like a best buddy than a girlfriend or even a wife.

And one more example is looking and even connecting with someone online while you’re in a relationship with another person.

These actions of your partner make you question your his dedication to your relationship and burn the bridge of trust that you’ve built together.

If It’s Harmless, What’s the Big Deal?

The person doing the micro-cheating might feel like it’s not a big deal, but their partner may feel otherwise.

It’s sort of a gray area – is it really cheating? Is it just harmless banter or conversation?

The real question is what is the trust level of your relationship before you suspected the micro-cheating? If you have a great deal of trust in your partner and you recognize this as harmless because you don’t think he would fully cheat on you, you may not view it as a big deal.

The fact that you’re here tells me that either this is more than micro-cheating, or you don’t have that high level of trust.

Signs of Micro-Cheating

If you aren’t sure whether your partner is micro-cheating, try looking for these signs:

Your partner is hiding the signs of what he’s doing, like closing the laptop when you walk by or shoving his phone into a couch cushion so you can’t see it
He’s prioritizing someone other than you
He gets very defensive when you ask him about someone in particular
There is some new behavior that is not explained in any other way, like suddenly deciding to work late
Your partner is having a lot of lunches out and has even been spotted with an attractive co-worker, but he hasn’t shared this info with you

These aren’t always signs of micro-cheating, but they are things to keep an eye on. If they go on over a few weeks, it’s time to sound the alarm.

The Male vs Female Perspective on Micro-Cheating

It’s believed that women experience the downside of micro-cheating more frequently than men do, and that they’re affected emotionally.

This makes it sound like men are more likely to be the ones doing the micro-cheating, but all it really means is that women have a more emotional reaction to it.

Either sex can do the micro-cheating.

How to Deal with Micro-Cheating

So, you decide your guy is micro-cheating. How do you handle it?

First, you both need to get on the same page about how you’re defining micro-cheating. As I said above, you might consider some behaviors to be micro-cheating while he finds them to be innocent.

I have a neighbor whose ex-wife lives about one-hundred yards from him. He says they are best friends, even though both remarried someone else last year. Apparently, the four of them are all best buddies.

Some women would consider his friendship with his ex-wife to be micro-cheating, and vice versa for the ex-wife, but it seems that their spouses are okay with it.

Rather than go bananas on your guy, it’s best to initiate a conversation about what you each consider to be cheating. I’d put good odds on the fact that he sees what he’s doing as harmless.

What he fails to realize is that you are harmed, based on how you’re feeling.

Micro-Cheating vs. Cheating

Is there a difference between micro-cheating and full-on cheating?

Yes. There is.

With micro-cheating, there often is no physical or sexual infidelity. However, if you’re battling micro-cheating, you know that this doesn’t do a whole lot to make you feel better. Micro-cheating is more prevalent than many people think.

Full-on cheating often involves physical or sexual infidelity. Often, when women cheat, it’s for the emotional connection they’re missing in their current relationship.

Men, on the other hand, often cheat for the sexual excitement of the relationship.

Of course, generalizing never gets you the full truth, which is that men can cheat for emotional reasons and women can cheat for the sexual excitement.

When someone is micro-cheating, there is not usually an emotional level of connection. It’s playful and flirtatious, but no emotional bond has been created.

Why do People Engage in Micro-Cheating?

It’s believed that the reasons for cheating and micro-cheating are somewhat similar. People engage in micro-cheating because something is missing in their current relationship.

For some, it’s the novelty of a new relationship – that excitement you get in the honeymoon phase – that drives them.

For others, they’re seeking emotional support or validation that they aren’t getting in their current relationship.

No matter the reason, cheating and micro-cheating have the same fallout, which is an erosion of the trust that may have been there previously.

The biggest problem is that micro-cheating sits on a slippery slope that can easily lead to full-on cheating.

Can You Overcome Micro-Cheating in Your Relationship?

If you are willing to make a deep commitment in your relationship, you can overcome micro-cheating. Of course, this means both of you, not just one of you.

If you both want to remain committed to the relationship, there are some things you need to do.

Set Boundaries

Set boundaries on what you will tolerate from one another as far as interactions with others is concerned.

If your guy has been friends with his ex for several years since they broke up, it might be unreasonable to ask him to stop speaking to her now. If you’re sure their friendship is not sexual, it’s okay.

But it may also mean that you both avoid people who could lead you into an emotional cheating situation, so if the ex poses a threat, she may need to go.

Share Expectations

What are you looking for from this relationship? This is a conversation you should have had already, but you’d be surprised at the number of couples who are afraid to talk about this.

One partner is always afraid that they want more than the other and will chase off the other partner by expressing their desires.

But let me ask you this…why get so heavily involved with someone who doesn’t want what you do?

And no, you aren’t likely to change his mind.

Can he change his mind? Of course he can, and maybe he will, but you both need to know, up front, where you stand.

Monitor Your Behavior

Once you’ve both set your boundaries and shared your expectations, it’s time to monitor what’s happening in the relationship.

You each need to be your own monitor, recognizing when you’re edging closer to micro-cheating so you can stop the behavior before it starts.

You are now the protector of the bond you share with your partner, and so is he.

Wrapping Up: What is Micro-Cheating?

Cheating is cheating, whether it’s a little bit or a full-on sexual relationship. It erodes trust and forces you into a place of emotional distress.

If you and your partner want your relationship to survive, you must address micro-cheating before it gets too far out of hand.

And if your partner still sees what he’s doing as no big deal, it may be time to end your relationship. You’re more committed to it than he is.

Having the discussion about the commitment you want to make to one another and your expectations will help clear up any questions. He might not be a long-term commitment type of guy, while you’re looking for forever.

You must know this so you’re not wasting your time in a relationship that’s ultimately headed for heartbreak.

Long Distance Relationships Can Work

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Long distance relationships can work, contrary to what many people believe. Of course they have their challenges, but so do traditional relationships. Proximity in terms of miles is not a precursor for relationship success or failure.

Back in the day, long-distance relationships (LDRs) were more challenging because there was no Internet, no Facetime, no Zoom. There was no easy and inexpensive way to communicate with your loved one.

If you wanted to call, you needed to be prepared to pay the long-distance phone bill that would result. Today, you can call anywhere in the world without it costing more than your monthly phone bill.

We’ve come a long way, baby.

Not only that, but the possibility of meeting great people has opened up with the dozens, if not hundreds of online dating services that are available now. You can meet anyone in the world.

So what challenges are unique to long-distance relationships? Is it true that long-distance relationships can work, or are they destined for failure based on distance alone? How can you ensure that your LDR will withstand the test of distance?

Summary: There are challenges to any relationship, but the challenges to today’s long-distance relationship are different from those twenty years ago. Today, instead of struggling to pay just to communicate, couples must balance busier than ever work schedules, the expense of travel, unrealistic expectations, and building intimacy from a distance. However, when you go into an LDR viewing it as a challenge from the start, are you creating a bigger problem or being realistic?

What are the Challenges of an LDR?

Long Distance Relationships Can Work With the Right Expectations

When you’re able to see and chat with someone on the daily, you share all of the most mundane aspects of your life, as well as the big stuff. It all gets lumped into the daily conversation.

How are you today, babe?

Oh, I’m ok. I have a bit of a headache but I’m sure it’ll go away.

Great. Are we still on for dinner at The Pub later?

Sure! I’m in. Can’t wait!!

But when you only see your partner once a month, you don’t want to waste time on the mundane. Your expectation may be that when you arrive at his condo, he’ll have candles flitting in the dimly lit room, a romantic dinner, and a magical evening planned.

Still, when you arrive, he’s just gotten home himself from a long day at work. He hasn’t even thought about dinner, let alone had time to go to those lengths. He’s exhausted from a long week of work, and you’re exhausted from work, then travel.

All the two of you want to do is flop on the sofa with some Chinese takeout and a Netflix binge. The weekend flies by and before you know it, you’re back home in your own condo, wondering where the magic was.

The truth is that even though your relationship is long-distance, life still marches on to its regular beat. You both still have chores and things to do on those weekends when you’re hosting your significant other. While a magical evening sounds great, it isn’t always practical.

Jealousy and Infidelity

When you’re in an LDR, it’s so easy to allow your imagination to run wild when you’re apart, and even when you’re together.

You’ve come to town for a visit, and he wants to take you to this great new little hole-in-the-wall place he’s discovered, so you go.

Immediately, your jealousy hackles rise up as the hostess is very very friendly towards your beau.

Hey Gregg, it’s so great to see you again. Same table? It’s available.

WTHeck is going on??? She knows his first name? He has a table?

Now, when you’re not together, you wonder what he’s up to. Is he back there? Is she flirting with him again? Clearly she likes him. Anyone can see that!

The truth might be that good old Gregg isn’t that much into cooking and he prefers to eat out. This place has a lot of the same types of foods he ate as a child and it makes him feel at home. It has nothing to do with the pretty girl at the entrance.

It may also be that Gregg is a social being who enjoys the personal touches that this little place brings. He’s new to town and he really enjoys finding these new friends. You can’t be his only friend in life, especially if he is a social type.

Is infidelity a possibility? Sure it is, but that’s true of any relationship, not just an LDR. Just because he likes that the hostess knows his name doesn’t mean he’s willing to share other things with her…like his bed.

Financial Strain

This one is obvious and is true of relationships today and twenty years ago. In fact, with the cost of travel today, it may be even more challenging than it was back then.

It may be that you can’t afford to take three days off of work every other week to go, especially if you work an hourly job or you don’t get the same days off as your partner.

The truth is that you must budget for visits, and this is true regardless of which side of the travel you’re on. As you saw in the part about expectations, you may feel a strong need to make his weekend with you unforgettable.

This might mean going the extra mile for meals, sprucing up your apartment, maybe even getting a new outfit to wow him. None of these things are really necessary, mind you, because he loves you for you, not your stuff or your wardrobe, but still, I get it.

And even just the extra miles of travel, whether by car, train, or plane, can be expensive. Sure, you can get frequent flyer miles for flying but that doesn’t loosen the immediate grip on your wallet.

Long Distance Relationships Can Work With Boundaries

When you’re in a long-distance relationship, you’re sort of living two separate lives when you’re apart. He has his work and friends, and you have yours. These lives are happening while you’re apart from one another.

So, when one visits the other, jealousy can erupt. Not so much over potential infidelity, but just the life being lived without the other partner.

You sit at a bar with your beau and he and his friends are all chuckling over something that happened the last time they got together. But you weren’t there, and you feel left out and jealous of his fun times without you.

It’s possible you even feel like he spends too much time with his friends when you’re around. Shouldn’t he be spending all of his time with you? You’re there for such a short time after all.

It might feel like there are no boundaries – no limit to how he spends his time when he’s with you. This is just like any other weekend he has when you aren’t there.

Not Recognizing Real Problems or Blowing Problems Up

Real problems occur in long-distance relationships, and they’re handled in one of three ways.

The first is that you recognize the problem and work on fixing it in a healthy way, having calm and honest conversations with one another about a potential solution to the problem.

The second is that you ignore the problem, attributing it to the distance or the stress of being apart. It’ll be no big deal when you’re together.

The third is that you blow it way out of proportion and make it a much bigger deal than it really is, causing friction and unnecessary stress in the relationship.

Questions About Relationship Status

When you can’t really see someone regularly, you may make assumptions about whether he’s as committed to the relationship as you are. It’s difficult to read someone’s body language over Facetime or Zoom, and definitely over texts.

Insecurity can cause all kinds of unfounded problems and make you feel like you’re in a constant state of almost losing him.

The problem is that boosting your insecurities, for him, can be tedious and not worth it. He feels like he’s doing everything he can to show you that he cares, but it’s never enough.

Your perception is that he isn’t showing you enough that he cares and his perception is that he’s doing a fine job of it.

Long Distance Relationships Can Work with Great Communication

Probably the biggest problem relationships can have, close or long-distance is communication. I’d like to say it’s a bigger problem in long-distance relationships, and maybe it really is, but from where I sit as a dating coach, I’d say any relationship is at risk.

Some challenges are different, but many are the same.

Oversharing

For example, communicating by text all day long leaves you nothing to talk about when you either Facetime one another later or see each other face to face. You’ve already dribbled all of the bits and pieces of your day to one another. Messages seen and replied to.

So, what’s left to talk about? A stiff silence rests between you until one of you finds something to fill the void.

Varying Communication Styles

Another challenge is the communication styles of men and women. You already know this exists but maybe not why. Men use few words and use them effectively. Every word is important. Just the facts ma’am.

Women use many words, most of which carry emotion and not a lot of fact. You may write him a twelve-line text about something really important, but all he sees is twelve lines and he imagines that nothing good comes from that much of a text. He ignores it and waits a few hours to reply.

Or worse yet, he simply says, “okay” and this infuriates you.

Our Inability to Listen

Other communication problems come from our inability to listen. Listening is a skill that it seems like most people do not have. Instead of truly listening to someone, we’re already formulating our response, a response that will best whatever it is the other person is saying.

You climbed up the rock wall at the rec? Pfffft I climbed a real rock last summer. And off you go. While he was talking about how he overcame a tremendous fear of heights by doing this, you’re already besting him, not even listening.

Fighting From a Distance

Probably the biggest no-no of a long-distance relationship is picking a fight while you’re apart. It’s too easy to text or email hurtful things because you can’t see the face of the person you’re speaking to. It’s impersonal.

It’s also not a fair fight. You might send a text and he’s in the middle of an important work meeting. He either sees your angry text and he loses focus in the meeting, or he ignores the text, maybe even has his phone silenced, and doesn’t see it for hours.

Now, you’re upset because he didn’t reply as soon as you thought he should have, and you’ve added to your anger.

It’s okay to be upset with someone but fight fair. Hold off the conversation for when you can at least talk on Facetime if not in person. This allows cooler heads to be present for working on the problem. You’ve had time to think about things, and you can be more reasonable in the discussion of the problem.

Long Distance Relationships Can Work, Right? What Does Science Say?

My associate, Kirbie, loves to do research and she did some on this topic for us. Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot of science on this topic that is recent enough to account for the newer technology that couples can use to maintain closeness.

Still, some of the research that’s a little older tells us that long-distance relationships have no greater chance of breaking up than relationships of closer proximity. The overall consensus is that a relationship is a relationship, regardless of distance.

The challenges mentioned above are more common challenges of LDR’s but many of those are also challenges of closer relationships too.

Perhaps It’s More About Perspective and Other Factors

I’m a firm believer that we think our way into how situations will play out.

For example, a person who lacks confidence is more likely to anticipate jealousy, not because their partner shows signs of looking for someone else, but because they don’t believe that they’re lovable and can enjoy a happy relationship.

This is something that is true of any relationship.

It’s also possible that your expectations are negative right from the start.

This will never work out.

I can’t imagine being in a relationship where I can’t see him every day.

Long distance relationships are hard.

These are called limiting beliefs, and they can have a serious impact on the outcomes we experience. You might even call them self-fulfilling prophecies. You end up getting what you expected to get.

Long distance relationships can work when the circumstances are right.

Many people in LDRs experience very satisfying relationships, so they can’t be impossible. These people don’t cheat, don’t feel jealousy, and have the right expectations of how their in-person visits will go.

How Close-Proximity Relationships Struggle

Just for fun, let’s take a moment to examine how people in closer proximity relationships can struggle with the same issues.

Expectations

While you get to see your guy more often, in a close proximity relationship, you still have expectations of special dates. Perhaps these are singled out for special occasions like Valentine’s Day or anniversaries, but there are still expectations.

And these expectations can go unmet just as easily. You think he’ll plan out some elaborate Valentine’s Day experience and the truth is that like many men, he’s standing at the grocery store at lunchtime scavenging for the best card from the well picked over selection.

He stops on his way home and grabs a bouquet of flowers – one of just a few left and runs home to meet you for the date. This is the truth about how many men to holidays and anniversaries.

If you don’t believe me, sit in a grocery store parking lot between five and six o’clock on any given day. You’ll see numerous men, sometimes with kids in tow, coming out with a bouquet of flowers and a couple of grocery bags of goodies.

So, nothing really different here except that the expectations might be a little different.

Jealousy and Infidelity

This is definitely not exclusive to LDR’s. This is more common for people who lack confidence and/or self-esteem.

There is either a belief that you aren’t capable of a great relationship, therefore your guy will ultimately cheat on you and leave. Or there’s a belief that you don’t deserve a great relationship and it’s just a matter of time before this one ends, just like the others.

Distance isn’t the problem here. Confidence and self-esteem are the real issues.

Financial Strain

While it’s true that a closer proximity relationship doesn’t have the challenge of travel expenses, there are other expenses associated with life in general that can still play a role.

This can be especially true of people who are financially irresponsible, spending more than they make, not saving, and so on.

Financial strain is something people should work out before they get into a relationship. A hallmark of a great man is one who is financially solid, and he will shy away from women who exhibit financial irresponsibility.

This means that two financially irresponsible people are more likely to find one another, thus creating a bigger problem.

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Boundaries

Challenges with boundaries exist in close proximity relationships as well. They often just relate to different problems.

A lack of boundaries is often a problem of low confidence also. Are you seeing a theme here that has nothing to do with distance?

People who have no boundaries often do so because they are insecure in their ability to build and maintain relationships.

If I say no, he’ll leave me.

If I tell him I don’t want to have sex on the first date, he won’t call back.

Someone whose standards are that low isn’t worth dating anyway. Any man would most likely love to have sex too early with a woman he finds attractive. The difference is that a great man may want to have sex, but he’ll wait until he realizes he’s earned that place in her life.

A confident woman will have that boundary to keep players out of her bed.

Not Recognizing Problems or Blowing Problems Up

This isn’t unique to LDR’s either. People put blinders on when it comes to problems, often letting them simmer to a boiling point.

For some, it’s a desire to avoid conflict. For others, it’s a fear of losing the other person. And for others still, it might be an inability to deal with problems in an appropriate way.

Sometimes, we just aren’t raised to manage problems, so we don’t know how. Our parents argued and that’s what we know.

And then there’s blowing problems out of proportion. Both men and women are great at this, and distance doesn’t matter here either.

Other factors might. When we’re stressed or anxious, problems feel bigger. Problems that are left unresolved for too long are also bigger, either by imagination or avoidance.

For example, not having enough money to pay the rent might be a small problem you can overcome in the first month, but left unresolved for several months, becomes a bigger problem as you fall further and further behind.

So this one isn’t unique to LDR’s either.

Questions About Relationship Status

This is most definitely not an LDR only problem.

Wait for it…it’s a confidence problem.

People who lack confidence and self-esteem often spend a lot of time questioning their relationship status, for the same reasons they get jealous and suspect infidelity.

You can see your guy every day and still question your relationship status. He might not respond to a text as quickly as you think he should, so you immediately assume he wants to break up with you.

Perhaps he’s been tired from work lately, but you view it as a lack of interest in you and fear he’s about to bolt.

The problem is that every time you question the relationship status, which he thinks, or thought anyway, was fine, you put a little pin prick into the relationship. An annoying little pinch for him that builds over time.

Before you know it, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy – you expect him to want to break up, so you question him all of the time about his dedication to you, and due to the constant pressure, he decides he’s had enough, and he leaves.

Which is what you were expecting him to do all along.

Communication

Ahh communication. There isn’t anything new I can say here. Everything I said above holds for close proximity relationships too.

You don’t need distance to have poor communication in a relationship.

Poor communication is present in many relationships, romantic, business, and personal. People who have ineffective communication styles can be challenging to speak to. Other people, many in fact, have very poor listening skills.

These challenges cause problems no matter where you live or how far apart.

Long Distance Relationships Can Work

Yes, it’s true. Long distance relationships can work, for the same reasons that close proximity relationships can work.

Two people who are confident with high self-esteem will enjoy very happy and satisfying relationship, regardless of where they live.

The challenges of distance are easier to overcome when you have the confidence to avoid some of the common pitfalls.

There are different strategies you can use to build an LDR versus a closer proximity relationship for sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. It’s just different.

Be sure to read about Long Distance Relationship Activities here!

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You?

Get My Ex Back, Understand Men

The question for today is a good one – why do men disappear when they like you? It feels like mixed signals, right? He’s all attentive and then bam, he ghosts you. What the heck happened? Did you do something wrong? Is he hiding something? What gives?

I’m here today to help you understand a little more about how the male mind works. Of course, I can’t cover all of our secrets in one article, so be sure to check out this page for tons more information!

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You?

Sadly, there are quite a few reasons for this behavior, and I want to say up front that I make no apologies for my fellow men. Some of us are really good guys and then there are the schmucks. Just because your guy disappears for a while doesn’t make him a schmuck, by the way, as you’ll soon see.

Before we go on with some of these reasons, I want to have a brief discussion about how men and women are different because it has a bearing on our conversation.

As you may know, men and women do just about everything differently, including navigating their emotions, falling in love, and working through problems, to name a few. We also communicate differently with women using many words and men using few.

Keep these things in mind as you continue reading.

What To Do and What NOT to Do If It Happens

Perhaps I should start with what you should not do if this happens or is currently happening to you.

Don’t Text-Bomb Him

Fretting at him via text, emails, or voicemails shows your insecurities. Yes, his sudden departure has stirred up all of your worst fears and they’re rearing up now like a big ugly pimple.

Chill out. Get back into your hobbies. Go do some things with your friends. Take a mini vacation. Do something to take your mind off of him being gone. If he decides to come back, he’ll be more likely to do so if you don’t prove yourself to be the Mayor of Crazytown while he’s away.

Don’t Make it About You

Your go-to is to blame yourself for him leaving, but as you’ll soon read, most of the reasons he most likely bailed have nothing to do with you, but if you make it about you, you’re missing the point.

This is his problem to work through. He may need your support if he returns, and he’ll sense that it’s a safe place for him if you haven’t made it all about you.

Don’t Jump to Conclusions

I know how it works; I grew up with three older sisters. A guy leaves and right away, you and your friends start jumping to all sorts of conclusions.

He’s dating someone else
He’s a serial killer
It turns out he is married

You don’t usually know the reason, so don’t gossip or jump to conclusions. If your friends try, steer the conversation in a different direction.

Do Work on Your Confidence

If you’re freaking out right now, it means those insecurities are getting the better of you. At the root of those insecurities is lower confidence, so while he’s away, work on it.

Think of this situation as facing a fear, because that’s what you’re doing. You’re probably afraid of a guy leaving you, and he did, confirming your fears, but if he has a good reason, then it’s nothing to do with you.

So, face that fear head on. Get back to the gym and burn off some of that stress and anxiety with some good workouts. They’re good for your mind, body, and soul! Pick up a hobby. Focus on your career. Stay busy building!

Don’t Blame Him Either

Yes, he left for one of the reasons below, but he’s doing the best he can. He isn’t maliciously trying to hurt you. He’s too busy working on whatever it is that caused him to bolt in the first place.

He’s doing the best he can under what may be a difficult circumstance. Give him the benefit of the doubt until you have a valid (not gossip) reason not to.

Do Write Your Story

When I say write your story, what I mean is enjoy a variety of life experiences. Have a hobby. Take vacations, even if they’re mini vacations close to home. Explore life. Take classes. DO things. Even if you try and fail, it’s a fun story to tell a guy.

Facing a fear is a great way to write your story. Then, you can tell guys how you decided to walk across a rope bridge at a local park and how terrified you were, then share a funny story about talking yourself through it.

Writing your story is not something you necessarily focus on. Instead, focus on living a full life. Add experiences to your life because it’s good for you, not for men. This is ultimately something you do for you, but the added bonus is that it gives you something to share with a guy.

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You?

He’s Dealing with a Big Loss

While women are great multitaskers, men usually are not. I’m amazed at how women can be doing three things at once and do them all very well. If I’m focused on recording videos, for example, then I’m recording videos. I’m not also doing laundry and thinking about my grocery shopping later.

Therefore, if he’s dealing with a significant loss, he needs to focus his attention on that. Many men will retreat from a new relationship while they work through the details of finalizing a divorce or child custody issues.

Significant losses, like a loved one (including a pet), a job, or income, are often emotional on some level and require his attention. Since many men don’t deal with their emotions well, it can be all-consuming until they work through those emotions.

Regardless of the cause, these are almost always temporary situations that will resolve and enable him to come back to you. Be patient and let him have his time. This is one of the few reasons why a guy may come back.

He Might Be Experiencing High Stress

Life can be overly stressful at times and stress comes at you from many directions. Sometimes, it even feels like every single stressor hit at the same time.

And you can add to that that men feel stress coming at them from different places than women. For example, a guy who’s thinking ahead to a family, even if it’s just the two of you living together, might stress if his finances aren’t as great as he’d like them to be.

Men are, by nature, providers. Even if you have your own income and fully support yourself just fine, it’s innate for him to want to be able to support you. It’s noble, even if it is a little frustrating.

He May Have Felt the Relationship Wasn’t for Him

This is a more likely excuse if you haven’t known him for very long – a few weeks or so. While it’s not a great way to handle it, if he doesn’t like confrontation, he may just bolt and not say a word.

Of course, if this turns out to be the case, you’re free to date and move on, but you won’t know right away.

I’m not saying it’s the right way for him to handle things, but it’s a possibility to consider. Give him a few weeks to sort out whatever he might be sorting out and if he’s still ghosting you, move on, but do so after you try to send a friendly text.

Send something fun, not mentioning his time away, and let it be. If he replies, great. If not, you probably have your answer.

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You? They Feel too Vulnerable

He may be feeling very vulnerable in the relationship, and it’s made his fight or flight kick in. Maybe he’s started caring for you more than he planned and he’s freaking out. Instead of dealing with it, he got scared and ran.

The problem with this is that while he may come back, he might do the same thing again. He doesn’t have a healthy way to navigate the emotions he’s feeling so he escapes before things get too real.

The truth is that he might not even realize what’s going on. All he knows is that he woke up one day and felt like he was going crazy. The only thing he knew to do was stop talking to you because it made him feel safe again.

It’s entirely possible that this guy isn’t coming back, and, like I said, if he does, he may repeat this behavior. He’s not relationship material right now so kiss this one goodbye.

He’s Not Ready for a Relationship

I have this theory that I’ve labeled the conveyor belt to manhood. My theory states that as boys, we’re placed on this conveyor belt. Think of it like a conveyor belt to make chocolate chip cookies.

They hop on in their childhood and they learn stuff, like how to treat people, how to stand up for themselves, and so on. It’s like adding the flour, salt, sugar, etc.

As they get older, the ingredients are more complicated. Instead of a cookie, we’re now making a gourmet meal. These ingredients include an ability to self-support, being capable of managing their emotions, having the drive to succeed, being competitive, and a few more.

The problem is that for a variety of reasons, not all boys travel the entire conveyor belt. Perhaps they experienced the loss of a parent at a young age, forcing the other parent to work doubly hard and not really have time. It’s possible that they lived in a life where strictly surviving from day to day was all they could do.

It’s also possible that nobody fed them the right ingredients. Parents do the best they can, but sometimes they don’t have all of the ingredients either, so they don’t know to feed them into their kids.

Regardless of the why, he’s just not relationship material yet. In this case, he did you a favor!

He’s Terrified of Being Hurt

I’d like to tell you a story of Jerry. Jerry is now a sixty-something man who has been so afraid of being hurt for the last twenty-five years, that he’s incapable of being in a real relationship.

Oh, he thinks he wants to be in one, but when presented with a great woman, his fears kick in and he does his best to push her away, all the while wanting her to stay.

It’s a very frustrating dance that many women don’t even pick up on. The signals are so confusing. He may ghost you for a few weeks, or even a few months, then when his fear subsides, he reaches back out, charming as when you fell for him the first time.

But the pattern persists. He comes back all sunshine and roses, says all of the right things, but when his fear kicks in again – i.e. he feels you getting too close, he bolts, again.

This also qualifies as not being relationship material, just for a different reason. It’s sad really because these guys want a relationship so badly, but when push comes to shove, they just can’t let themselves be happy due to this overwhelming fear.

He’s Too Fresh Out of Another Relationship

It’s possible that you’re a rebound girl for this guy. He just broke up with someone else and rather than feel those feelings, he found you.

Guys do this all too often. Sometimes they tell you that they just broke up with their girlfriend of five years. If you hear this, odds are you’re the rebound and it isn’t going to last.

Very few rebound relationships survive more than a couple of months because their true purpose is to avoid those negative feelings.

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You? He Was In it for the Sex

Sadly, you might have found yourself a player disguised as a nice guy. If there’s one type of loser capable of spoofing a woman into believing he’s a good guy, it’s the player.

They have practiced their lines so well and learned what works and what doesn’t work, that they’re professionals at saying and doing the right things.

Players find women they feel they can take advantage of, so if he thinks you have something to offer, usually sex or money, he’ll give it his best shot.

Once a player feels like he’s gotten out of you all he can, he’s gone and hunting for his next victim. In this case, say buh bye and work on your confidence. These guys are repelled by confident women!

You Aren’t Mysterious

I talk often about mystery and challenge, and both are equally important to a guy. When a guy gets bored in a relationship, especially early on, he’s more likely to bolt.

Too often, women share too much too soon, and then there’s no mystery. This is why I encourage women not to share a lot when they first meet someone new.

It’s hard, I know. You’re excited to feel the attraction and you’re basically marketing yourself. You want to tell him all of the wonderful things about your life.

The problem is that he has nothing to learn, or so he thinks.

To avoid this, steer conversations away from questions about you. Ask him questions. Be blunt yet fun and say, “Gee, we’ve been spending a lot of time on me, let’s talk about you.”

He Just Needs to Boost His Ego

For some men, stroking their ego is an ongoing need. A man with an ego problem will start relationships for the validation. He doesn’t want a relationship because that requires too much work.

Instead, he just wants to be constantly reassured that he’s the type of guy that women want. As soon as he feels like his ego has been stroked, he’s out and on the hunt for more validation.

He Isn’t Ready to Give up His Freedom

Some men enjoy their freedom. They like not having to answer to anyone and the thought of a committed relationship makes them realize they may be losing their freedom.

You can head this one off at the pass from early on by not demanding too much of his time, not complaining when he wants to hang out with his friends, and by keeping the life you’ve developed outside of your relationship.

If he continues to feel as if he has some freedom, he won’t have this worry.

Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You: What to do Next

In most of these cases, the guy either isn’t likely to come back, or he’s a guy you shouldn’t want back. Knowing this hopefully helps you move forward and not feel as badly about the whole situation.

Don’t Feel Rejected

This isn’t about you, it’s about him – again. Rather than feel rejected by whatever loser activity pushed him out of your life, be thankful that you’re rid of one more scumbag.

His issues are his, so don’t own them. Yes, you attracted a loser, but boosting your confidence will help you shield yourself against having that happen again.

Work on Some Self-Care

You’ve been through something, so take some time for self-care. Allow yourself to be pampered with quiet reading, music you love, movies that make you laugh, favorite foods, and of course, bubble baths with wine and candles.

This isn’t just a feel-good activity. It helps you regain some self-worth and recognize that you are worthy of being taken care of. Make sure the next guy you date knows this too!

Show Compassion When Appropriate

In a couple of the reasons above, I mentioned that he may come back to you once he’s dealt with his stuff. If you know he’s going through something difficult, gently let him know that you’re there for him when he’s ready.

Don’t force anything and don’t keep texting him. One message will do the trick. In a week or two, you can send one that just says something like, thinking of you and hoping all is well.

These messages aren’t demanding so he won’t feel threatened by them. You aren’t asking him to come back or even to share what’s going on. Just lending a little support.

Ask Yourself One Important Question

Before you decide to try to get back into a relationship that may be toxic for you, ask yourself this one important question – is this all you deserve? Don’t you deserve a man who’s one thousand percent into you and wants to treat you like the queen you are?

If your answer is either I don’t know or no, work on your confidence, then ask again.

That’s a Wrap on Why do Guys Disappear When They Like You

The truth is that you deserve to be happy, and I hope that if you don’t believe it now, you recognize that boosting your confidence is your next step.

A guy who can’t make a commitment out of fear, ego, or something else (other than having something heavy going on) doesn’t deserve a wonderful woman like you.

When you have high confidence, guys like this won’t even approach you. They know you’re out of their league and they don’t want to work hard enough to prove they are worthy of a great woman like you.

Great confident men will be attracted to you. They know you when they see you. Men can tell which women have confidence and which do not. You want the men who will treat you with respect and aren’t afraid to make a commitment when they recognize it’s time!

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

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22 Top Qualities in a Good Man

Understand Men

You’ve looked and looked but the good man eludes you, so today you’re asking, what are the qualities in a good man anyway?

The good news is that the good man is out there, and trust me, he’s as frustrated as you are. But this is about you so let’s dive right in!

What Defines a Good Man?

I suppose before we look at the qualities in a good man, we should define what a good man is by most standards.

Of course, to some degree, the words good man are subjective. What you see as a good man might not be what your friend sees, but to be clear, I’m not talking about physical appearance.

The beauty of any human being lies inside them. It’s in how they treat people, how empathetic they are, how well they control their emotions, and how successful they are in key areas of their lives. Allow me to explain.

Qualities in a Good Man: Honesty

First and foremost, a good man is honest. Yes, he might tell you you’re beautiful even when you are at your worst, but he isn’t looking at your physical beauty, he sees what’s inside.

When you are honest with one another, you have a very strong foundation for your relationship. You develop trust and value one another’s opinions because you know you’re speaking the truth.

Honesty also means being honest with your feelings. A good man has a high emotional IQ, meaning he’s in touch with his emotions and knows how to control them. If he tells you that he loves you, you can take it to the bank!

Good Men Show Empathy

When a man genuinely feels your pain and shows compassion for what you’re going through, he’s showing empathy.

This is the type of man you want. He shares in your successes and your sadness. He’s there, celebrating with you, not feeling as if he’s been one-upped.

This guy values your feelings as much as his own and he won’t disappoint.

A Good Man is Into Personal Development

Personal development means looking for ways in which you can grow as a human being. Maybe it’s taking a cooking class or learning a new skill.

One of the awesome qualities in a good man is that he values personal development, and not just his but yours too!

You can use this to build your relationship in interesting ways. Take classes together. Join two of your hobbies into one new one. Create your own personal book club.

There are tons of ways to pursue personal development, both with and without your guy.

Qualities in a Good Man: High Emotional Intelligence

Having emotional intelligence means being in touch with your own emotions for sure, but it also means being able to respond positively to someone else’s emotions. A person with high emotional intelligence recognizes emotions and responds appropriately.

Men who have high emotional intelligence form successful relationships, both in their personal and professional lives.

This type of guy is open to expressing and talking about feelings, yours and his. This can be a difficult trait to find in a guy, so if you find one, grab on!

A Good Man is Respectful

Respect means valuing others and treating them kindly, regardless of how well you know them or their social status.

Your guy is kind to elderly people in the grocery store, helps old ladies cross the street, and treats your family the same way he treats his own.

This guy is a great listener who allows someone else to speak their opinion without arguing back. He’s willing to listen, even if he disagrees, and if he speaks his own mind, it’s with kindness and patience, not anger.

Respect also extends to your boundaries. He may have hinted that he wanted sex early in your relationship, but you stood your ground and said it was too soon, and he respected it. In fact, he probably tried harder to win your trust.

Qualities in a Good Man: Vulnerability

Vulnerability is a tough one that many people struggle with. In fact, a man, even a good man, may not want to expose his vulnerabilities to you too soon, and that’s okay.

You must first become someone he can trust with his vulnerability. Society demands that men hide their vulnerabilities, seeing them as signs of weakness.

When someone is vulnerable, they’re open to experiences and emotions. They aren’t afraid to let go of control. Society has it wrong – this isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength.

And I may point out that people who find this as a weakness most likely feel threatened by this type of man.

Good Men are Reliable/Dependable

There’s nothing worse than planning a date with a guy, only to have him either forget or show up really late.

Reliable men keep their promises and commitments. If he says he’ll do something, you can count on it.

Reliability goes hand in hand with trust. The more reliable someone is, the more trust someone develops in them. No promise is too light. If he says he’ll be there to help you move, he will, even if he didn’t get any sleep the night before because his dog was sick.

This is truly a good man!

A Good Man Shows Humility

Do you ever get the feeling that you’ll just never see some traits in people again? Humility feels like one of those.

It’s so easy to be successful and want to boast about it, but a person who shows humility doesn’t even go there. Instead, this guy wants to keep pushing to the next thing. Having conquered that thing, it’s time to move on to something new!

A person who shows humility recognizes that his accomplishments often aren’t just his. There was likely a team involved, whether it’s just the two of you, or his team at work, he recognizes that he was just part of the whole success, not the whole.

Good Men Show Compassion

Someone who is compassionate is sensitive to the feelings and needs of others. If you came home from work with a migraine, this guy will do what he can to pick up the slack so you can retreat into a quiet dark room to feel better.

When this guy sees someone who’s struggling, he’ll step in with kindness and do what he can to help the situation.

Qualities in a Good Man: Authenticity

It is very hard in today’s world of social media and high expectations to stay true to yourself, but a man who’s authentic will do just that.

This guy doesn’t do something because he thinks he’ll get one hundred likes on Instagram or Facebook. He does them because that’s his value system.

Someone who shows authenticity also owns his flaws, rather than blame someone else or hide them from the world. This guy understands that mistakes lead to learning and that owning them shows integrity.

Great Men are Also Great Listeners

Many people can talk themselves blue, but few are those who listen well. To listen is to shut off your own I can tell a better story meter and just listen to what’s being said. This guy values silence when someone else is speaking.

He listens intently, formulates great follow-up questions, and doesn’t interrupt the speaker. He shows genuine interest in the conversation and is 100% dialed in.

When you’re talking to someone who is a good listener, he waits to speak and when he does, it’s clear that he was paying attention and has something intelligent to add.

This is a sign of respect for the speaker, a way of making them feel valued and heard. This is like every woman’s dream man! He does exist!

Qualities in a Good Man: Leadership

Leadership isn’t the same as being bossy. A leader respects his team, whether it’s just the two of you, or a group of people at work or in another situation.

This type of person is able to make decisions with his team in mind, consulting the team for input and making the best decision for all involved.

Probably the best quality in a leader is the ability to know when someone else may be able to lead this particular project or situation better. If he finds himself in a situation that he doesn’t know much about, he will seek out the best person to take over.

If your guy is a great leader, he’s interested in having balance in your relationship, respecting you and creating a healthy environment where both of your concerns are addressed.

A Good Man is Ambitious

Having goals and going after them is a great trait in anyone. It shows a desire for personal and professional growth. There is a drive, a motivation to do whatever it takes to achieve the life he wants.

He not only wants the best for himself, but for you too and will encourage you to strive to reach your goals too.

Good Men are Loyal

You’re wondering why it took me so long to mention this, aren’t you? I have no good reason, except to say that none of these traits are more important than others, so I’m doing them in the order they come to me.

A loyal person is someone who stands by the important people in his life. He supports them through thick and thin, showing up even in the most difficult times.

His loyalty creates a deep and meaningful connection between you that fosters trust and a sense of dependability.

Qualities in a Good Man: Self-Discipline

Boy, this one is a tough one for many people. You want to lose 30 pounds but that piece of chocolate cake is calling your name. Self-discipline allows you to let it call while a lack of self-discipline has you marching over to cut a slice.

Many studies have shown that people who go for short term gratification – the slice of cake – are less happy than those who hold out in lieu of their goals – weight loss.

Of course, we all have moments when we lack self-discipline. It’s human nature, but those who have developed a good sense of self-discipline succeed at it more often than they fail.

A person who exhibits self-control shows that he understands life is a marathon and he’s willing to wait for the best things – the things he wants.

He’s exhibiting a tremendous ability to control his urges and know what he wants.

A Good Man Doesn’t Run from His Problems

In fact, one of the qualities in a good man is that he’s a good problem-solver. It’s easy to try to stuff down problems, but someone who is very strong works on solving his problems instead.

Someone who faces his problems head-on realizes that a solution is there somewhere, he just has to dig in and look for it. He’s willing to take on a second job to save up money for that downpayment on a house or eliminate his debt.

This guy goes the extra mile and he’s a keeper!

Good Men are Generous

Generosity doesn’t just indicate financial generosity, although that’s where most minds go. Even more valuable commodities to many people are their time and energy, not to mention kindness.

Someone who values generosity knows that it’s more rewarding to give than it is to receive. This is even more true if the person giving has very little to give themselves but still finds a way.

This type of man is selfless and thinks of others before himself. This is a truly wonderful trait in a man.

Qualities in a God Man: Patience

There’s nothing worse than being around someone with no patience. You feel them constantly looming over you, waiting for you to trip up so they can take over. You don’t do anything quickly enough to suit them.

Patience is a virtue, or so the cliché goes anyway. Patient people still get frustrated at times, but they have emotional intelligence, and they are able to monitor and control their frustration, handling it in a healthy way, rather than an impatient or overbearing way.

A Good Man Builds You Up

People who tear others down are miserable in their own skin, but a man who builds you up is supportive and encourages you to be the best version of yourself.

When you’re finally able to face a big fear, he’s there cheering you on and expressing his pride in your accomplishment. He’s there when you decide to go back to school to get a new degree or boost the one you have. He’s happy to lend a hand where needed to help you achieve your goals.

Great Men Hold Themselves Accountable

There’s nothing worse than being around someone who can’t accept their own role when something goes wrong, especially since they might be blaming it on you instead.

One of the true qualities in a good man is that he holds himself accountable. If there’s a mistake or a misstep, he’s not blaming anyone else if he’s at fault.

This guy understands that to learn from his mistakes and grow as a person, he must first admit the mistake.

This helps establish a level of trust between you because you know that he’s not going to turn on you when the chips are down.

Qualities in a Good Man: Confidence

You had to know this would be on the list if you’ve read anything of mine before now. Confidence for the man and the woman are key elements of any relationship. It’s confidence that allows him to have the other traits listed in this article.

A confident man won’t date a woman who lacks confidence, though, so you must have your confidence boosted up to find this guy.

Many women feel great men are elusive, but the truth is that they’re right there, looking for confident women to date and marry.

Great Relationships Require Excellent Communication!

The final trait I have to share with you today is great communication skills. Many relationships are derailed by poor communication skills. As you read earlier, being a great listener is one of the qualities in a good man.

This is why.

Listening is perhaps the more important half of the communication duo. Yes, you must be able to articulate your feelings into words clearly, but being able to listen attentively is equally important.

Good communicators can avoid arguments with their better skills. They recognize that yelling and screaming isn’t an effective form of communication. Besides, this guy has better control of his emotions than that, so he’s less likely to fly off the handle.

Along with confidence, communication is probably one of the top qualities for both men and women because without either one, your relationship is unlikely to survive.

That’s a Wrap on Qualities in a Good Man

These qualities in a good man aren’t negotiable. Sure, a good man might not exhibit all of them, but he should have most.

Again, this is because above all, he should be confident. Confident men won’t show the opposites of these traits. They’ll embody them.

I mentioned above that women feel good men are hard to find. The truth is that they’re out there, wondering where the good women are. They too have been hoodwinked by women who appear to be confident at first, but turn out to lack confidence, derailing their relationship.

If you’re having trouble finding this guy, step back from the dating scene and work on building your own confidence further. A good man will recognize your confidence and be drawn to you, otherwise, you’re attracting the snoozers and losers.

Who wants that?

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Dating Someone with Depression

Date Great Men, Understand Men

When you’re dating someone with depression, all you want to do is make them feel better. You love them and you want them to get back to their old selves, but you don’t know what to do. How can you fix this?

The problem is that you can’t fix it. It isn’t your job. What then is your job? I’m guessing that, since you’re here, you’ve been scouring the Internet looking for ways to fix your guy. Your heart breaks at his despair.

What Not to do When Dating Someone with Depression

Let’s first examine the mistakes people make in this situation. You don’t do these things to intentionally cause harm, but they may do just that.

Don’t Argue with Their Feelings

People with depression often have very negative thought patterns. You telling them that they’re wrong doesn’t help them because they believe this very strongly.

You can try to tell him what a wonderful man you think he is, but he won’t believe you because his own negative thoughts are too strong.

Instead, you’re likely to cause a disconnect and greater distance between you, and that’s the opposite of what you’re trying to do.

Accepting him as he is is a very powerful way to show your support without trying to change his narrative. Try to encourage him to share his feelings, knowing that this is very difficult for a man. He might not really know why he feels sad or hopeless but sometimes talking it out can help the cause pop through.

Don’t Get Upset When He Can’t Participate

Depression makes people want to curl up in the safety of their space and shut out the world. It decreases sex drive as well.

If you have plans with him and he bails, don’t get upset. He’s battling his internal voices, and the battle is just too hard in that moment. Instead, be understanding and suggest you reschedule for another time. Let him know you understand and aren’t angry.

If your sex life has fallen off, it’s the depression. Don’t go into a long speech about whether he still loves you or if you aren’t attractive to him any longer. He simply isn’t interested right now. It’s the depression talking, not his love for or attraction to you.

When he bails on your plans, go out and do something anyway. You don’t need to flaunt it in his face, but he may find comfort in knowing he didn’t ruin your evening. Going out anyway can also help you avoid feeling angry or frustrated at a situation you cannot control.

Set and Maintain Boundaries

Just because he’s battling depression doesn’t mean he has a license to treat you badly. You should already have boundaries about how you’re willing to be treated and those should stay firmly in place.

Of course, this doesn’t apply to him canceling his plans on you, as you just read. It does, however, apply to times when he may lash out at you with coarse language or personal attacks.

It’s okay for you to say I’m really sorry James, but as I’ve told you before, it isn’t okay for you to speak to me that way. I’m going to head out for a while so we can both calm down.”

In saying this, you’re reminding him of the boundary – that it isn’t okay for him to speak to you that way, and you’re calmly extricating yourself from the situation.

You don’t need to walk on eggshells around someone with depression. They are still responsible for their own actions.

Don’t Spend 100% of Your Time on Him

It’s never healthy to make a man your hobby, and even less so when he’s battling depression. He needs time to deal with his feelings and you need to be sure you’re taking care of yourself.

In fact, sometimes it’s a good idea to find your own therapy to help you deal with the repercussions of dating someone with depression.

You may also discover a pattern in yourself that helps you understand why you are attracted to someone who’s battling depression, if this seems to be the type of man you find.

Don’t Fight this Battle Alone

There are support groups you can look to for support and guidance. These are people who have been where you are and feel what you’re feeling right now.

It’s okay to seek help for yourself as a way of helping your relationship. The people in these groups won’t shame you or belittle you, but they may help you see where you can do things differently, either for your partner or for yourself.

How to Succeed at Dating Someone with Depression

Now that you know what not to do, let’s look at some tools you can employ to succeed in this journey.

Watch for Signs of Suicidal Thinking

Suicide is a real danger to someone battling depression. There are signs you can look for to make sure your guy isn’t sliding into this state. These signs are from the Suicide Prevention Resource Center:

Talking about feeling unbearable pain
Having a fascination about death or talking about a recent death
Feeling hopeless, worthless, or trapped
Feeling guilt, shame, or anger
Believing they are a burden to others
A recent suicide attempt
Increased drug or alcohol use
Losing interest in personal appearance or hygiene
Withdrawing from family, friends, and community
Saying goodbye to friends and family
Giving away prized possessions
A recent episode of depression, emotional distress, or anxiety
Changes in eating/sleeping patterns
Becoming violent or a victim of violence
Expressing rage
Recklessness

Help Him Explore Treatment Options

There is no shame in exploring treatment for depression. There are drugs and treatments available to help the brain chemistry get rebalanced. Additionally, it can help to talk to someone who can help sort out all of the negative thought processes that are flooding his thoughts.

Suggest that he reach out to his family doctor for advice on how to proceed. You shouldn’t make these appointments for him, but you can talk to him about the help that’s out there.

Offer the Support He Needs

When you’re battling depression, even the simplest tasks can seem overwhelming. For example, “Can I help you look up that phone number?” or “Can I drive you to your appointment and wait outside?”

More general questions like how can I help might be too difficult to answer because they don’t know what they need.

Be careful, however, not to be pushy. If he says no, it’s no.

Acknowledge His Victories

Small wins are everything when you’re battling depression. Just getting up and putting clothes on can be a challenge.

While it’s important not to belittle him, it’s also important to help him see his small victories, as they are usually quite big to him.

“Joe, I’m so proud of you. I know it took a lot of strength.”

Be Loving and Concerned

When you battle depression, you usually feel pretty badly about yourself. It’s okay to tell him that you love and respect him, in fact, it may help in some small way.

But it’s also okay to tell him your concerns. Sometimes, this is the motivating factor for people seeking help. It isn’t their own feelings that sends them, but the concerns of others.

Jake, I love you and I know it’s difficult for you to get out of bed, but I’m concerned for you. I’m afraid that if you don’t get some help now, your job will be in jeopardy and that will only make things worse. I need you and I want you to get help.”

Skip the Judgmental Thoughts

People with depression feel isolated. It’s like floating on an island with no life raft and nobody to talk to.

If he does share something with you, don’t judge his thoughts. Instead, encourage him to share his thoughts.

My body just feels so heavy.

That sounds very challenging. Can you tell me more?

Gently, not forcefully, encourage him to share more about how he’s feeling. Sharing might be a source of light. He may feel a sense of connection that will help him feel less isolated.

Take Care of Yourself

Just because he’s battling depression doesn’t mean you toss your own care out the window. It’s more important than ever that you make sure to practice self-care. Take time for yourself, whether it’s a walk, reading a book, or gardening. Whatever you can do to feel like you’re recharging your own batteries is great.

Educate Yourself About Depression

Do your research, and not just a few blog articles. Look for professional work on battling depression and what that means.

Dating someone with depression can cause you to feel out of control of the situation. When you gain knowledge about something, it helps you feel more in control. You’ll see the depression for what it is and feel less likely to blame yourself, or your partner, for the depression.

The truth is that he can’t just wish away his depression. It doesn’t work like that. This is an illness, a disease, just like the flu or cancer.

Try to Get Him to Exercise with You

As difficult as it is to get out of bed for someone with depression, the benefits of exercise can’t be ignored. Even if you just get him to go for a short walk, you’re stirring up some endorphins that will help him feel a little better.

Dating Someone with Depression

In the end, this isn’t your problem to solve. The most you can do is be supportive and offer kindness and empathy.

Your guy is going through something that is, for the most part, beyond his control. What is within his control is seeking professional help, and your job there can be as a support system. Offer to help him find someone if it feels too overwhelming for him. Offer to drive him if he doesn’t seem to want to do so himself.

Patience with the situation will help you both, as will your flexibility with his inability to participate in your dating life sometimes.

Above all, know that this isn’t about you, so don’t make it so. He has enough battles without trying to battle your issues.

Group environments full of people who are going through what you are can be most helpful in your journey to be a supportive girlfriend. Make sure that you’re taking care of yourself too so that you can be the best version of yourself possible.

With professional help, he can heal from his depression and he will be grateful for your patience and support.

Having an effective self-care routine is crucial to your daily peace and happiness, but many people falsely believe that self-care is simply taking a hot bath with a glass of wine and some candles.

There are so many other ways to enjoy a self-care routine and this book walks you through them, providing you with many choices on how you can implement a self-care routine into your schedule.

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Good Qualities in a Man | What You Should Look For

Date Great Men, Understand Men

It’s cliché that good qualities in a man include that he’s tall, dark, and handsome; an incredible physique doesn’t hurt either!

Any man who doesn’t fit that criteria can take a hike, right?

Wrong!

In a recent survey by BestLifeOnline.com and another by Princeton, New Jersey’s opinion research corporation, many women say they value personality over physical traits. Still, many women forget about the basics and only see what they want to see.

In other words, you plunk those rose-colored glasses squarely on the bridge of your cute nose and fail to see the flaws if he’s in the tall, dark, and handsome category.

Another thing that clouds your opinion of a man is having sex with him too soon. You don’t give yourself a chance to see his flaws before raw heat and chemistry take over.

Today, I hope to encourage you to look for good qualities in a man that go beyond his looks and the immediate chemistry you may feel.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Has a Sense of Humor

I’m not tall, dark, or handsome, but my sense of humor has gotten me pretty far regarding women. A great sense of humor trumps much other stuff because being able to laugh at the world sometimes gets you through.

A man who can make you laugh is a great catch! It means he isn’t taking life too seriously, at least not always. He can bring joy and a smile to your life when you need it most!

He Respects You

Nothing good comes from dating a misogynist or a narcissist. That type of person will never respect you, and respect is necessary for forming a good relationship. When it comes to good qualities in a man, you want one who respects you for who you are and treats you like a queen.

While respect takes time to earn, it shouldn’t take too long, and you should be able to respect him quickly, too, until he gives you a reason not to anyway.

Good Qualities in a Man | He is Faithful

Of course, the studies mentioned above found faithfulness to be one of the good qualities in a man. Your relationship is solid when you have trust, which comes from knowing your guy is faithful.

Nothing good happens in a relationship when there is no trust, and if you know your guy is faithful to you, you won’t become jealous when he wants to go golfing with the guys or out for a beer and to watch football.

He’s Emotionally Available

This is a big one. Some men want to be in a great relationship, but something is holding them back. It may be a past hurt from an old relationship, or it could be something from childhood.

In either instance, the man isn’t emotionally available, and as much as you like him, he will never be there for you. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to be; he can’t.

Unfortunately, this one trips up many women because you need to nurture a guy like this and feel sorry for him. Don’t. It won’t change who he is and will only bring you heartbreak.

Good Qualities in a Man | He’s a Hard Worker

This one is hard to beat when searching for good qualities in a man. Like the emotionally unavailable woman, the slacker can sometimes disguise himself for a while.

Most men have an inborn need to support their loved ones financially and emotionally. I know you may not need him to help you financially, but the world hasn’t caught up yet with the strong women today.

A man who doesn’t have this innate need to work hard for what he wants in life and to be able to support you is a man you need to let go of.

There are twelve qualities all great men have, and a few of them fall into the hard worker category.

You Share the Same Values

It might not seem important when you’re first dating, but one of the great qualities in a man is that he shares your values.

Ultimately, this will be a big deal, and you don’t need to share all your values, but you should share the important ones. Which are important? That’s up to you. You might be very political, and someone from the opposite side of the political aisle could be a problem.

Only you know which ones are dealbreakers for you, but make sure you don’t skip this one.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Has His Own Style

Someone who isn’t afraid to buck trends is always a great catch. It means he places less value on people’s thoughts and more on being himself. This is true of women, too, so don’t be afraid to show off your style.

Showing the world who you are, regardless of what others might think, signals high confidence, and that’s what you’re looking for!

He’s Dependable

Dependability is one of those good qualities in a man. Someone where he says he’ll be when he says he’ll be there gives you a sense of peace. It helps build that respect and trust that are so important.

If you’re sick, he’s there doing laundry and bringing you a ginger ale. If your car breaks down, he’s not leaving the job of getting you safely home to some scrubby tow truck driver. He’s there to make sure all is well.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Has Great Communication Skills

Communication is a two-way street. Not only do you need to be able to communicate verbally, but you also need to be able to listen.

While it’s cliché to tilt your head at the notion of a man who listens, they aren’t as rare as you might think. When a man is genuinely interested in you, he will want to listen. What you have to say is important to him, if it’s not the latest on your best friend’s breakup, that is. Save that stuff for your girlfriends.

A man with good communication skills also knows how to say the right things, fight fairly, and get what he wants out of life without blowing his top.

He’s a Gentleman

Good qualities in a man include being a gentleman. The powerful woman of today sometimes wants to stifle the gentlemanly quality of a man, but I beg you not to. I know you don’t need a man to open the door for you or hold your chair while you sit, but a great man was raised to do so by his mother.

Being an independent and strong woman doesn’t mean you stop letting a man be the gentleman he was raised to be. Those things are a show of respect, not a sign of your weakness. These things show he cares. Men show their love rather than stating it, so him doing these things is a sign that he cares.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Makes You a Priority

You can’t always be one another’s priority, but a great man makes you a priority when it matters. When you’re together, he puts down his cell phone and listens. He takes the time to help you with something important and supports you and your choices, whatever they might be.

In great relationships, this is a give-and-take thing. You’ll sometimes need his support and attention and vice versa. Great relationships aren’t about taking turns or tallying who was there for whom last. It’s about being there when needed, regardless of who’s turn.

He’s a Positive Person

Whether it’s your boyfriend or best friend, the people surrounding you should be positive. Negativity breeds and does nothing good.

Your guy should be a positive person, at least most of the time. We all fall into a slump from time to time, but one of the good qualities in a man is that he can pull himself out of that slump after licking his wounds and return to that positive nature.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Has an Attitude of Gratitude

Positive people are, by nature, grateful people. They focus more on what they have than what they don’t have.

Your guy should be grateful for you and everything he has; the same is true of you. Gratitude doesn’t need to be about something huge, either. You can be grateful for toilet paper – weren’t we all during COVID anyway? Be grateful for how his smile lights you up.

Gratitude journals aren’t just for women. I keep one, and I encourage you to do so as well. As a couple, you can also have a gratitude journal.

He Protects You

A man naturally wants to protect his loved ones. He wants you to feel safe, emotionally and physically. While you might not need a hero, men need to be your hero. This thing inside all great men is called the hero instinct, and it’s the real deal.

I’m repeating myself a lot, but I’ll repeat it. I know you’re a strong, independent woman, but there are things men were raised to do and things that are inside them that they know they should do. Being your hero is one. The great thing about allowing him to be your hero is that it will increase his love for you. That, my friend, is a win-win.

Good Qualities in a Man | The People You Care About are Important to Him

Your friends and family should be as important to your guy as they are to you. If the guy you’re dating can get along with the people most important to you, you’ve got a winner.

Bringing someone new into the fold can upset the balance, but if he can hang in there and hold his own among your family, who can be a real challenge sometimes, consider yourself a fortunate woman!

Finding Your Mr. Right

It’s so easy to look beyond the good qualities in a man to the chemistry and heat of the early phase of a relationship. But, it’s these qualities, not the heat, that will provide you with a strong basis for a good relationship.

When you’re looking for your Mr. Right, take your time. It isn’t a race. Get to know him slowly and hold off having sex until you know he’s the one. A good man will respect your boundaries and will wait patiently.

Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations.

Men view finances, love, dating, dealing with difficult situations, and communication differently than women.

Inside this book, you’ll discover how to improve your relationships by understanding these differences and learning how to overcome them and use them to your advantage.

This isn’t about playing games. It’s about understanding what he’s thinking and how he’ll best understand you.

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What Attracts a Man to a Woman?

Build a Great Relationship, Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

What attracts a man to a woman? It’s a pretty basic question, right? And it’s a very important question as well!

The better question, however, is do you know the answer?

If you did know it, oh boy would your dating life suddenly get a lot easier! But, most women aren’t taught these things growing up, so I’m afraid you probably don’t know the answer.

Until now.

Let me help you crawl into the minds of me and my friends, a bunch of successful good guys who regularly hang out together. A few of my friends are shy and a few are extroverted. We’re all looking for the woman of our dreams. What will attract us to you?

You Stand Above the Crowd

I’m not talking about how tall you are, but rather how authentic you are. This is very nearly your most important job when you go out on the hunt for a guy.

How do you stand out? First, be yourself and wear your confidence like a badge of honor. Your body language is the first signal to every man in the room that you either have or lack confidence. Stand tall with your shoulders straight, not slumped. Make eye contact with people instead of hiding behind sunglasses or hair.

Next, be yourself. Just because all your friends are wearing skinny jeans with a blouse and four-inch heels doesn’t mean you must do the same. If you’re more comfortable in a skirt and flats, go for it. Heck, wear your tie dye skirt and Birkenstocks if you want. If that’s who you are, tell the world!

Other ways to stand out include:

Wear a bright scarf or hat
Dance in place alone for a second or two
Put five umbrellas in your drink and one in your hair
Order a cocktail served uniquely

These things all provide a guy with an opportunity to strike up a conversation. This is important for the shy guys!

Show You’re Having a Great Time

A woman who is laughing and having a great time is a guy magnet. Don’t fake it, but show that you’re enjoying yourself. People are attracted to others who look like they’re having fun!

When you show you’re having fun, it tells others that you have a positive, upbeat personality and this is attractive to men. If you’re sitting there, sulking or hiding behind your hair, guys aren’t interested. Any guy you attract will be the wrong guy – a player or a loser.

What Attracts a Man to a Woman? Body Language!

Your body language tells every man in the room everything he needs to know about you before he decides to approach. Good posture indicates confidence. Making eye contact with others in the room says you’re a confident woman. Smiling shows that positive personality.

These women don’t get approached by players and losers because they know you’re out of their league, but confident men are interested. If you see a guy who interests you, make eye contact and smile, then look away. Be sure to look back a few seconds later, but don’t be a creeper. Look away again.

When you manage to pass by this guy, brush up against him, by accident. Just a subtle touch will be enough to signal to him that he can approach.

Manage Your Group

While it’s nice to huddle together and whisper, it doesn’t give any men the opportunity to approach. They don’t know where they would be able to join you.

Instead, leave some space between you, and if your friends run off to the bathroom, don’t take that opportunity to get on your phone. Make sure there’s space beside you for a man to approach. He’s been waiting for this moment for a while and it’s here. Don’t shut him out!

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

This might be difficult for you if you’re introverted or a little low on dating confidence. Many of my books can help you with the confidence part. I encourage you not to try too hard to change the introvert part. It’s who you are.

Okay, that said, here’s how this works.

Now I understand this might be tough if you are introverted, shy, or lack confidence. The confidence I can fix. I’m a life coach and that’s what my books are all about if I may add.

If you walk by a guy eating sushi or something rare say, “You know, a skilled veterinarian could bring that back to life!” Yes, its’ silly but it’s funny and he’ll love it.

If you struggle with being funny, watch some comedians and their deliveries. Pick up some tips and be ready the next time you’re out.

These same canned lines, when delivered by men, crash and burn but when a woman delivers them, they’re unexpected and men love it!

What Attracts a Man to a Woman? She Approaches Him

Few women approach men, and that’s sad because it’s a great move on your part! Much like delivering a one-liner, it’s unexpected and that makes it great.

While a man is sometimes afraid of being rejected if he approaches, often for a good reason, the odds of a woman being rejected are pretty slim. Men don’t often reject women. They’re more ego-driven and there’s nothing better to boost a guys ego than a woman approaching him!

You don’t need a one-liner. Just say “Hi” or “Can I buy you a drink?” A fun line is, “I’m considering you as my next boyfriend.” Smile and laugh as you deliver your message, just like comedians do. He’ll love it. Even if he’s got a woman in his life, he’ll at least respond favorably.

Don’t Bar Hop

You’ve done some or all of the things above and then you and your friends up and leave. What the heck? Some man had just mustered up enough courage to approach and you vanished.

If you want to meet a great guy, stay at the same place until you’re ready to go home. If you want to check out another bar, go next weekend. Some men need time to prepare themselves to approach, especially shy guys.

I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times. A friend of mine was ready to approach a woman he’d become attracted to and BAM! She and her friends pay the check and leave.

What Attracts a Man to a Woman? A Great Story

Once you’ve attracted a great guy, it’s time to work on keeping him around. This begins with your story. What is your story?

It’s the culmination of your life experiences. It’s what makes you the unique individual you are today. This doesn’t mean you tell a guy your entire life story! You don’t, at least not immediately. Let him uncover it, bit by bit.

Your job is to cultivate that story. Think about your life and the experiences you’ve had so far. Did you travel to Europe as a kid or invent something cool in science class? Do you volunteer somewhere or do you have a unique hobby?

Any hobby is probably fodder for an interesting story. Men are often mystified by how you make things. Sometimes your hobby reminds him of his mom or another treasured female in his life. This is a bonus!

Your story also includes anything you’re passionate about. People’s faces light up when they talk about something they’re passionate about. It’s like a magnet for the person they’re talking to. They immediately become excited about the topic too.

If you fear your story isn’t so great right now, it’s time to get out there and start writing. Find a hobby. Become passionate about something. Go on an adventure. Travel, even if it’s just across the state line. Experience life and then prepare to share those experiences with men who are interested in you.

How the Male System Works

What attracts a man to a woman?

You’ve done your part, now it’s time for him to do his. But what do most guys do?

First, they look for the right opportunity to make a move. Often, the time is when their friend goes to the restroom. He doesn’t want to get shot down in front of his friends, so he waits until they’re away.

Alternatively, he might wait for you to be alone or at least for a spot to open up next to you. He doesn’t want to feel awkward, so if there’s an empty space, he’s more comfortable.

Remember, guys are just as clumsy as you think you are and more. They are just as intimidated by the whole singles scene as you are. Their confidence might be lacking, like yours.

The male system sucks, but it’s all they have so please, please, make it easy on them by understanding the system. Once you do, you’ll attract lots of great men!

Do you have your Night Moves down? Are you ready to go out and get a guy to fall for you, using science and not trickery? If so, this is the book for you! I’ve done the research, and you get to benefit. Here are the steps you can take, whether you’re headed out on a first date or going out with your friends to look for men. The science behind attraction is just a few clicks away!

Here are just a couple of things you’ll learn inside this best-seller:

Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction…learn why inside
Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal…but what signal? Learn inside the book
You can get a guy to feel like he’s falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

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The Ideal Alpha Female Relationships with Men

Date Great Men, Understand Men

Successful alpha female relationships can feel elusive, especially if you’ve dated for any length of time.

You’re strong. You know what you want and how to get it. You’re confident, outspoken and people gravitate to you because they want to be on the same ride you’re on. Your power and energy are contagious.

These very traits that make friends and coworkers want to be near you are the same ones that make it difficult for you to find a man who appreciates you for who you are, without trying to change you.

Chances are, you’ve tried dating alpha men because they’re most like you. They’re powerful, confident, outspoken and strong. Likes attract likes, right? Yes, but that doesn’t always indicate that that type of relationship will work out best.

There are essentially two types of men that will work best for alpha female relationships. The first, of course, is an alpha male. I know, I just said that might not work, but there are instances when it can. The other type of man who’s truly perfect for the alpha woman is the beta man.

Often misunderstood, beta men seek alpha female relationships because they want a take-charge type of woman to love. Below are some dating tips that will help you find the right guy who will adore you for who you are.

Alpha Female Relationships | Slow Down

You go one-hundred miles per hour all day and well into the evening, but when you’re out looking for a guy, slow down. Take off that leadership hat and let your hair down, maybe literally.

Slow and take the edge off your speech. You’re now out to have fun, not be in control, so take a kinder, gentler approach. An alpha man will be attracted to an alpha woman if she shows her feminine side and a kinder, gentler you will be more feminine.

Don’t make an attempt to look low confidence, meaning continue making eye contact and walking confidently, but instead of striding with purpose, slow down and glide. Save your strut for the office.

And finally, if an alpha man offers to buy you a drink, accept it gratefully and show your appreciation, “Thank you. It was so kind of you.” This allows more of your feminine energy to shine through and you top it off with a dose of manners. He’s definitely interested.

Challenge Him

Challenge is important in alpha female relationships – well, all relationships actually. Men need to feel challenged in a relationship to keep from becoming bored, therefore, it’s important for him to feel challenged by you. But what does that mean?

An alpha man doesn’t value something that comes too easily. He’s accustomed to working for what he has. When he calls for a date that day or even the next day, don’t drop your plans to go with him.

Instead, let him know that he’ll need to work harder to get on your calendar, “Gee, Gregg. I’d love to go to dinner with you, but we’ll have to make it Tuesday.” He won’t be put off. He’ll feel challenged! If he’s truly interested in you, he’ll figure out how to become important enough to get on your calendar.

If he text you but you’re busy and can’t really get into a conversation, give him a time when you can talk to him.

Him: Hi Beautiful. I hope your day was productive!

You: Hey Handsome! So far, so good, but I have more dragons to slay. Let’s talk later – say 8:00?

Him: Sounds great! Talk then.

This tells him you want to talk to him and he now knows when. It takes the anxiety out of the situation for both of you and lets him know when to expect to talk to you.

Challenge is also required for the beta man, whose main goal is to serve you and make sure you’re happy. You can challenge him in the same way you’d challenge an alpha. Don’t always be readily available. Be kind but firm with a beta.

Are You an Alpha Female Who Can't Find a Happy Relationship?

For alpha women, finding a relationship that isn’t challenging or frustrating can be a real problem. You’re drawn to alpha men, but science tells us that alpha men don’t want to marry alpha women, they only want to date them. Then there’s the beta man, often misunderstood by both alpha men and women, but often a great choice for the alpha woman. Learn more about how you can develop a happy relationship with either type of man by checking out The Alpha Female: Who is She? Who Should She Date? How do You Become One?

Learn More

Let Him Be Your Protector

All men, alpha, beta or otherwise, have a need to be your protector. I know you can do this for yourself, but this hero instinct is something you want to cultivate. Men were raised to be your hero and if you don’t allow them to, they feel as if they aren’t doing their job.

Men basically need three things in a relationship:

To live a meaningful life and feel appreciated for their efforts
To provide for those who are important to them
To be respected by those around them

I know you can provide for yourself, and maybe even him, but if you’re with an alpha, don’t make a big deal about this. A beta will care less if you make more money than he does, but an alpha might feel emasculated if you bring it up a lot. Don’t let who earns more money determine the power dynamic in your relationship.

Alpha Female Relationships: Act Like the Prize You Are

When women make bad dating choices, it’s often for one of two reasons. Either they feel desperate to find a guy for some reason, like all their friends have boyfriends and they don’t, or they don’t understand that they have the power to be the choose, and not feel grateful to be chosen.

This puts you in a negative position for relationships. Instead, recognize that you are the prize. When you feel grateful to be chosen or desperate and find a guy, your instinct might be to be over-enthusiastic about the relationship.

You stop going out with your girlfriends, stop pursuing your hobbies and spend too much time doting on him. No guy, whether he’s an alpha, beta or omega, wants this from you. This behavior makes a man feel smothered and you aren’t challenging to him. He will question your value in his life.

Instead, come into a relationship with strong dating confidence. If you don’t feel you have strong dating confidence now, there are many options you can pursue here.

I want to change my life!

Meanwhile, allow a guy to chase you. Yes, even though you’re an alpha woman, let a guy pursue you. Inspire his hero instinct and encourage his masculine side by remaining feminine. Never give up your hobbies for a man and continue to enjoy girls’ night with your friends.

Remember, You Are Not Your Title

Your identity isn’t the title of the job you hold. It’s who you are from the inside out. It’s your kindness and generosity. It’s your desire to help others and your ability to be tough and stern one minute and a kind mentor the next.

Commit to or stay committed to your health and well-being. Get to know yourself and connect with that feminine woman who’s lurking inside. This makes you the feminine counterpart an alpha man desires.

When it comes to a beta man, he needs your strength and direction, but he also wants to see your feminine side and he needs you to know who you are from the inside out. Your strength is what attracted him to you, but some of that strength is your inner strength.

Alpha Female Relationships: Communication is Key

Regardless of what type of man you date, communication is everything. With the beta, you will have many conversations around control – who is in control of what. He wants you to take control, probably more than you know. Talking through it helps you both realize your roles in the relationship. Just because he’s a beta doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings, ambitions, and thoughts about your relationship.

Communication in any relationship is one of the most important things and a lack of communication is what ends many relationships. Regardless of whether your guy is an alpha or a beta, opening up the lines of communication may be the strongest asset in your alpha female relationships.

It allows you each to voice your wants, needs and desires. It allows you to feel safe exposing your vulnerabilities, something a beta will do much faster than an alpha. Without communication, any relationship will eventually wither and die.

And Finally, You’re a Team

Whether alpha female relationships are with beta men or alpha men, you’re a team. Learn how to work together and know when your teammate needs you to rally and be a little more supportive than usual.

Situations like job loss or loss of income, health issues, the loss of a loved one and similar events are difficult for men. Most men require time to retreat, lick their wounds and find a solution. As natural problem solvers, this is key for him. While you’re there to support him, you’re not overbearing or over-nurturing.

Let him know he has your support and allow him time to deal with the emotions of what happened. If your relationship is strong and you’ve established great communication, he will come to you when he’s ready.

Are you an alpha woman who can’t find a great man to date?

Have you had enough of the power struggles and games?

Do you wish you could find just one guy to date who understands who you are?

If you answered “Yes” to any of those questions, you need this book! This book will help you understand how to date alpha and beta men and make it work!

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Woman Brain vs Man Brain as They Apply to Relationships

Build a Great Relationship, Understand Men

If you think I am going to give you some expanded Stanford study on woman brain vs man brain you would be wrong.

This is a dumbed down version of the REAL differences in our two brains when it comes to dating and relationships, and it comes from a man-brained dating coach. These conclusions aren’t backed up by any science, just personal experience.

Men’s Brains are Small, Think Squirrel or Small Rodent

The woman brain vs the man brain is large and complex, and yet, women treat men as if they have the same large and complex brain as your girlfriends have. That, my friend, is where you go wrong.

Men don’t pick up on subtle cues. They communicate differently, love differently and have out-of-control egos. There’s a great video on YouTube by Mark Gungor, who describes the male brain as containing a bunch of boxes, one of which is an empty box. No box can comingle with another box in the male brain.

Woman Brain vs Man Brain and Flirting

Women come to me saying, “Gregg, I flirt and flirt with men and they ignore me! What am I doing wrong?”

You aren’t doing anything wrong. Men aren’t ignoring you; their brains are too small to realize what’s happening, especially if they’re drinking beer and downing chicken wings while watching sports on TV. Food is one box and cannot be combined with an outside influence like you flirting with them.

The solution, short of grabbing his ass and screaming, “HEY! I like you!” is to double your efforts so he gets the message. Look at him and smile, then look away. Then, a few moments later, look his way again and smile, then look away. Next, walk by him on your way to the restroom or bar and gently brush against him. Do it again a little while later.

In this instance, the woman brain vs the man brain is definitely in play. Use this double-down effort to get his attention and he’ll be more likely to pick up on your cues.

Communication

When it comes to woman brain vs man brain, communication is one of the biggest discrepancies. Men text with two to three sentences at the most, more likely it’s two to three words.

Women, however, text paragraphs. A man won’t read these texts because he doesn’t have the patience and he’s not interested in the emotional rant that is probably contained in that paragraph.

Instead, text a man like he texts his friends. Lose all the emotion and extra stuff and get to the point. If you want to meet him for lunch, text him something like 2:00 lunch? That’s all he needs. Don’t give him fifteen choices for where to go. Just get to the point.

Men also communicate more through actions than words. Think about two little boys playing in a sandbox. They aren’t talking. They’re pushing their cars and trucks into the others and saying things like “BAM!” and “Gotcha!” They grunt and throw sand at each other, then try to steal their trucks.

When little girls play, they use tons of language. They use their voices to mimic the voices of their Barbies or baby dolls. They use language to build and maintain relationships.

This is not a dynamic that changes as boys and girls get older, which is why it’s so important for you to understand.

Woman Brain vs Man Brain and Love

This is another area in which there is a huge divide in the quest to understand woman brain vs man brain. Some of the discrepancy goes back to the communication issue you just read. A woman uses words to communicate love while a man uses actions.

So many times, women come to me upset and ask why their guy isn’t telling them that he loves them. They’re upset and think their guy doesn’t really love them. But, when I dig into the story, I find out that the man is showing her how much he loves her through his actions.

Men fix things and solve your problems, all in an attempt to show you how much he loves you. They take out the trash, take your car for an oil change and buy you the desk you need to make your work at home go more smoothly.

If you look at the actions of a man, you will see dozens of signs that he loves you, but if you’re waiting for the words, you might be waiting a while. He’ll say them, but not as often as you’d like to hear them.

Egos

For some men, ego plays a large role, so if you learn how to deal with the male ego, you’ll be all set. It doesn’t take much to do this either, in fact, some of it boils down to common courtesy. When he does things for you, be sure to appreciate his effort. Even the smallest things to you, like taking out the trash or doing the dishes after dinner deserve a compliment now and then.

If you really want to stroke his ego, be sure to tell him how much you appreciate him in the bedroom. Most good men want to please you in bed, so let him know he’s hitting the mark, so to speak, even if his performance wasn’t quite up to par.

Woman Brain vs Man Brain and Multi-Tasking

In the world of woman brain vs man brain, multitasking is a big deal. Women can cook dinner, feed a toddler, help an older child with homework and fold laundry all at the same time.

Men aren’t capable of this. Not even close. A man generally can’t do two things at once, and this includes listening to you and driving, listening to you and watching television or really…any two things at once.

It’s evolutionary and don’t get upset with me for saying so. Cavewoman Cathy and Caveman Carl each had their role to play. Cavewoman Cathy was responsible for keeping the cave straightened, cooking the food Caveman Carl killed and taking care of the kids. Caveman Carl had two jobs – procure food for the family, and possibly grow it, and protect his family.

Even though evolution now has woman holding as many, if not more high-power jobs than men, the power of a woman’s ability to multitask still exists and men still can’t do it.

Men Exaggerate Profusely

Men exaggerate, a lot. This goes back to the paragraphs above on ego. While everyone exaggerates to some extent, a man will exaggerate many things at the beginning of a relationship. He’ll suggest he earns more than he does and that he’s a better tennis player.

He’ll say there are few skeletons in his closet when the truth might be that the door is about to bust open from all the skeletons that are actually there.

Woman Brain Vs Man Brain Summary

All kidding aside, when it comes to woman brain vs man brain and relationships, there can be disappointing outcomes. Relationships fail because neither understands how the other’s brain works. Therefore, we all assume that your brain works like mine and that’s a huge mistake.

This isn’t an article about you changing who you are. It’s an article about understanding the differences between men and women so you can modify how you act toward the men in your life. This will help them better understand you and your intentions and it will keep many arguments and disappointments from ever happening.

Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations.

Men view finances, love, dating, dealing with difficult situations, and communication differently than women.

Inside this book, you’ll discover how to improve your relationships by understanding these differences and learning how to overcome them and use them to your advantage.

This isn’t about playing games. It’s about understanding what he’s thinking and how he’ll best understand you.

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