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Unveiling the Truth: Are Soul Mates Real?

The concept of soul mates has been a topic of interest for many psychologists who have proposed several theories. One such theory is the Jungian Theory, named after Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. According to this theory, we all have an ‘anima’ or ‘animus’ (the feminine and masculine aspects within us). Jung said we are naturally drawn to people who embody the traits of our anima or animus. We often interpret this as finding our ‘soul mate’ or ‘other half’.

Attachment Theory

The Attachment Theory is another psychological theory related to soul mates. This theory suggests that our early relationships with our caregivers shape our adult relationships. In this context, a soul mate could be someone who satisfies our attachment needs, providing a sense of security and comfort. This person may not be a ‘perfect match’ in every aspect, but they fulfill our emotional needs.

Romantic Idealism

Then there’s the theory of Romantic Idealism. This theory posits that our belief in soul mates is influenced by our cultural and societal norms. We’re often fed the idea of ‘the one’ through various forms of media, leading us to believe in the existence of a perfect partner. Our relationships and perception of what a soul mate should be are influenced by this belief.

Biological Theory

Another interesting theory is the Biological Theory. This theory suggests that we’re biologically programmed to seek certain traits in a partner that would ensure the survival and success of our offspring. In this context, a soul mate could be someone who possesses these desirable traits.

Constructed Memory

Lastly, the theory of Constructed Memory suggests that our memories are not always accurate and can be influenced by our current feelings and beliefs. This means we might construct the idea of a soul mate based on our current feelings towards a person, rather than actual past experiences. This theory challenges the notion of ‘love at first sight’ often associated with the concept of soul mates.

Setting the Stage: What Exactly is a Soul Mate?

Think about those moments when you’ve met someone and it felt like you’ve known them forever. This is an inexplicable connection that’s hard to shake off. It feels deeper than physical attraction and focuses on the abstract concept of ‘soul mates’. But what does this really mean? Is a soul mate someone who completes you, like two halves of a perfect whole? Or perhaps, is it about finding someone who helps you grow into your best self?

The concept of soul mates is as complex as the variety of individual perspectives. For some, this is about a romantic partner who fits perfectly into their life, like a key to a lock. For others, it’s a cherished relationship that might not be romantic, but fosters personal growth and harmonic synergy. It’s as if two souls are aligning in a dance of cosmic resonance. The idea of a soul mate is a notion that carries profound depth and the potential for endless interpretations.

This multifaceted interpretation extends back to ancient times. Plato, the Greek philosopher, surmised that humans were originally created with two faces, four arms, and four legs. Following a fear that they would become too powerful, the gods divided them, and hence, each person is always in search of their other half, their soul mate.

However, is all of this a beautiful metaphor or a tangible truth? Are those chills down your spine when you meet someone a sign of a soul mate connection, or a simple physiological reaction? To uncover these answers, it’s important to dig into the power of connection and the science behind soul mates—let’s set off on this exploratory journey together.

Debunking Myths: Common Misconceptions About Soul Mates

Let’s clear up some of these popular misinterpretations about what a soul mate is.

A common myth is that there is only one soul mate for each person. This has been perpetuated by movies and books, but the reality is not so limiting. It’s much more plausible to understand that you can connect deeply with multiple people throughout your life. Each of these connections are unique and meaningful in their own way.

A second frequently touted misconception is that soul mates must be romantic partners. While this is often the case in popular culture, it doesn’t have to be the standard. A soul mate, at its core, is someone with whom you share a deep, mutual connection. In many cases, this could be a friend, a family member, or even a mentor.

Finally, another misleading belief is that when you meet your soul mate, everything will fall perfectly into place. Relationships, even with a soul mate, require effort and work. Encountering challenges and overcoming them together is a key aspect of deepening that essential connection.

It’s crucial to understand these myths about soul mates so you don’t misinterpret what you’re feeling. Instead of searching high and low for the single perfect person who fits an ideal fantasy, perhaps it’s more beneficial to focus on the meaningful connections you can form with the people already in your life and meet along your journey. The harmonious soul connections you develop could be much more rewarding than you could have ever imagined.

Soul Mate or Life Partner: Understanding the Difference

A soul mate connection is believed to be immensely deep and meaningful, transcending the physical realm. Themes of love that withstand the test of time, destiny, and the idea of ‘two halves of a whole’ are all often associated with the idea of a soul mate.

A life partner, on the other hand, often carries a more pragmatic understanding. Relationships with life partners are marked by mutual respect, shared goals, and a strong commitment to nurturing the relationship. The bond is based more on choice and effort rather than on predestined fate or profound cosmic connection.

Navigating the grey area between soul mates and life partners can be challenging. It’s easy to find yourself tangled in romantic notions of finding ‘the one.’ However, it’s essential to remember that healthy and fulfilling relationships require effort, understanding, and resilience.

Sure, the idea of finding your soul mate is undeniably romantic. It’s a notion that’s been ingrained in our minds and hearts through countless movies, songs, and novels. Yet, the reality is often more complex than such simplistic narratives. While a soul mate can undoubtedly add tremendous value and depth to your life, seeking a life partner – someone who stands by you, supports you, and grows with you – can serve as a more solid foundation for a long-lasting, rewarding relationship.

Whether you believe in soul mates, life partners, or both, it’s crucial to remember that every relationship is unique. What works for one may not work for another. It’s more about creating a bond that aligns with your individual needs, desires, and life goals.

Signs, Signals, and Synchronicities: Recognizing Your Soul Mate

Many imagint meeting a soul mate feels like a rush of emotion, that moment when your eyes meet, and instantly knowing you’ve found ‘the one’. But is it really that simple or is it more subtle and nuanced? Let’s get into the tangible signs that might just lead you to your soul mate.

Recognizing your soul mate doesn’t always happen when you meet. It could take time, patience, and a genuine connection built on mutual respect and shared experiences. You might feel an immediate pull towards him, a sense of familiarity, like your paths were always meant to cross.

Pay attention to how you feel in his presence. Do you feel calm, at ease? If your soul mate is near, there’s a chance you’ll experience a sense of peace and comfort that you can’t quite explain. There still may be disagreements or friction at times – after all, we’re all human – but a sense of harmony should be the norm, not the exception.

Synchronicity, first coined by psychiatrist Carl Jung, refers to the occurrence of events that seem related but are not explained by conventional mechanisms of causality. In layman’s terms, you might consider these to be meaningful coincidences. Perhaps you and your potential soul mate share common interests, dreams, or have had similar life experiences. These compelling similarities can feel like the universe aligning to bring you both together.

Ultimately, the journey to finding your soul mate can be beautiful, exciting, and full of revelations. The key is to stay open to the signs, trust your instincts and, most importantly, believe in the journey, because it’s just as much about self-growth and understanding as it is about finding the other half of your soul.

Intuition and Inner Knowing: The Role of Gut Feelings in Identifying Soul Mates

Sometimes, your intuition is at play – that deep inner knowing that often plays a crucial role in identifying soul mates.

It’s not something you can explain logically or certainly not something that you’ve experienced before. Yet, there’s a certain sense of familiarity – as though you’re reconnecting with a long-lost friend. We’ve all experienced such feelings, in various degrees, and when it comes to soul mates, this feeling is truly profound.

Beyond the realm of scientific proof or logical reasoning, this intuition is strongly rooted in your soul’s wisdom. Some people describe it as an inexplicable magnetism, an undeniable pull towards the other person. Others experience it as a calm assurance, a quiet certainty that this person is meant to be in their life.

Trusting your gut feeling is, therefore, an essential part of the soul mate journey. After all, your soul recognizes its counterpart before your mind comprehends it. While signs, signals, and synchronicities can guide you, it’s your inner knowing that affirms those pointers to be more than mere coincidences – they are, perhaps, cosmic confirmations.

Remember, just as the soul mate connection transcends the ordinary, recognizing your soul mate goes beyond ordinary experiences and emotions. Honour these feelings and trust your intuition, for it’s speaking in ways only your soul can truly understand.

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Psychological Perspective: What Science Says About Soul Mates

Psychologists believe that while there may not be a magical force leading us to ‘the one’, people do tend to seek partners with specific compatible traits. This psychological principle, known as “complementarity”, suggests people are drawn to those who possess characteristics that they, themselves, lack. Could this be the root of the idea of souls “completing” each other?

Increasingly, neuroscience is also weighing in on the topic. Recent studies have explored how deep connections between two people can result in a unique neurological pattern, creating an intense bond. However, this doesn’t necessarily signify a predestined pairing. What it tells us is that our brains adapt and evolve based on our experiences and the relationships that we form.

Finally, there’s the evolutionary perspective. Some evolutionary psychologists theorize that humans might have a natural inclination to pair bond – to keep together long enough to raise offspring. This instinct could contribute to our yearning for a profound, enduring romantic connection, or what we often dub as a “soul mate”.

In essence, the scientific community doesn’t entirely discount the idea of soul mates. However, they urge caution against overly romanticized or unrealistic expectations. They advocate for focusing more on building strong, healthy relationships, which may be a more likely pathway to finding a “soul mate”.

The Verdict: Are Soul Mates Real?

Given the information you’re read, it’s tough to draw a definitive conclusion. It ultimately falls upon your belief system and personal experiences. If you’re a firm believer in divine connection or destiny, the idea of soul mates can seem quite real and unquestionably valid. On the other hand, skeptics might see it as a mere construct of romantic novels and films.

Many psychologists and relationship experts argue that the concept of soul mates, while comforting, can actually put undue pressure on relationships. In their perspective, waiting for or seeking a perfect ‘other half’ may let you bypass opportunities for growth and deep emotional connection with others who aren’t ideal by some standards, but who bring value and enrichment to your life in their unique, imperfect ways.

Furthermore, there’s no scientific evidence to substantiate the existence of soul mates as we’ve discussed them in this context. But then again, love, akin to many human emotions, defies hard science’s grasp. It’s fraught with complexities and mystique that science has yet to comprehensively decipher.

So, dependent on your perspective, soul mates either exist in the metaphysical realm, where destiny intertwines two souls, or exist in the human mind, where love and connection take form as the idea of soul mates. Ultimately, the belief in soul mates really comes down to personal conviction influenced by your experiences and outlook on life and love.

In the end, whether you believe in soul mates, one thing rings true: human connection—deep, meaningful, and personal—is undeniably real. And the joy such relationships bring, that’s what truly matters.

How to Break Up with Someone You Love

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You are researching the best way to do one of the most difficult things we face as humans – how to break up with someone you love.

As you’ve probably discovered already, love isn’t always enough to make a good relationship. In fact, it’s never enough. Many other things go into happy relationships.

Today, I want to walk you through the process of knowing if this is the right decision and navigating your new post-breakup world. I’m ready if you are!

What are the signs that it’s time to break up with someone you love?

One of the strongest signs that it’s time for a breakup is a persistent feeling of unhappiness. If you find yourself consistently unhappy, and no amount of communication or effort seems to change that, it could mean it’s time to move on. Relationships should inherently bring joy and fulfillment. If it’s the opposite, it may be time to reevaluate.

Another indicator is when the relationship becomes overly draining. Emotionally, mentally, or even physically – if the relationship is consuming more energy than it’s worth, causing you stress or angst, these are signs worth looking into. A healthy relationship should equally provide support and rejuvenation, not constant exhaustion.

Love is about growth and evolution, together. If your personal growth is being hindered or you’re evolving in different directions, it could form irreconcilable differences. Having different life paths is completely normal, but if you’re unable to find a satisfying middle ground, it can lead to discomfort and resentment, painting a picture that it might be time to break up.

Lastly, pay close attention to your gut feelings. Intuition is powerful and it often knows the truth before you’re ready to accept it. If deep down you feel something is off, it may be worthwhile to explore those feelings further, either alone or with a professional counselor.

Remember, making the decision to break up does not mean you’ve failed. It means you value your happiness, wellbeing and ultimately your future. Trying to hold onto a relationship that has expired its course could potentially become toxic. It’s much healthier to recognize when it’s time to let go and yield to new beginnings.

What are the steps to navigate a break up with someone you love?

The whole process of breaking up with someone you love can often feel like navigating through a tumultuous sea. It requires thought, tact, and care. To help you navigate this journey, follow these steps:

1. Make Sure You’re Certain

Before making a decision with the potential to affect both your life and his profoundly, you need to be sure. Love can sometimes blind us to the point where we may overlook major problems within the relationship. Reflect, journal, or even talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your feelings. Understand that this decision will push forward irreversible changes.

2. Establish a Calm and Private Environment

The setting plays a significant role in how the conversation pans out. Choose a quiet, private place, which will allow both of you to express your feelings without restraint. Avoid places that hold emotional significance – they might add an extra layer of difficulty to the process.

3. Be Honest- Yet Kind

When communicating, be honest about your feelings but do it in a kind and caring way. Let him know you still care about him, but need to prioritize your own happiness at this time. Avoid pointing fingers or assigning blame.

4. Respect His Feelings

His reaction may vary drastically. From shock and disbelief to sadness or anger. Emotions will run high, and that’s perfectly normal. Respect his feelings and give him space to express himself. It’s okay to comfort him, but be careful not to give false hope.

5. Look Forward to the Future

Even though it’s sad and difficult now, remember that time heals all wounds. Look forward to discovering yourself again and getting back to who you were before this relationship. Eventually, you will move on and find new love.

Going through a break up with someone you love is heart-wrenching, but necessary at times. Look within, act with kindness, prepare for the aftermath, and keep trust in the future.

What are some tips for communicating effectively during a breakup?

Communicating effectively during a breakup allows both parties to express their feelings and thoughts honestly and openly, which in turn enables a degree of closure. Here are several tips to help you communicate effectively during this difficult time:

1. Plan What You’re Going to Say

It’s important not to rush into this conversation without any prior preparation. Consider practicing what you want to say in advance. This will help you deliver your message more smoothly and ensure you cover all critical points.

2. Use ‘I’ Statements Rather Than ‘You’ Statements

Using ‘I’ statements rather than ‘You’ statements can help you express how you’re feeling without blaming or accusing your partner. For instance, say “I feel like we’re moving in different directions,” rather than “You’re not committed to this relationship.”

3. Stay Focused on the Conversation

Ensure the conversation remains focused on the breakup and not on past fault-finding or blaming each other. It’s easy to let the conversation stray off-course, so remember the purpose of this discussion is to convey your intentions clearly.

4. Listen to His Perspective

It’s crucial to give your partner space to voice his thoughts and feelings. Even if you’re ending the relationship, it is important to let him express his side of the story. It might even give you a better understanding of the situation, and it shows respect towards his feelings.

5. Be Patient and Understanding

Keep in mind that he might not react or process the situation in a way you expect. Be patient with his responses and show understanding to his feelings. It’s essential to uphold his dignity during this challenging time.

Remember, every breakup is different, and your approach should reflect your unique relationship dynamic. But effective communication through the process can smooth the path towards healing and moving on.

How to maintain self-respect while ending a relationship

Decisions involving the heart are never easy. Empowering yourself to face the pain and make the necessary tough calls is the epitome of self-respect. Nurturing your self-esteem during this emotionally-charged process requires some thoughtful action.

1. Reflect on Your Reasoning

Before you take any action, take some time to reflect on the reasons leading to your decision. Start by being honest with yourself. This may be a bitter pill to swallow, but acknowledging your own needs and regrets validates your decision, which in turn reinforces your self-respect.

2. Avoid Blame Games

Blame may provide a short-term relief, but rarely fosters a healthy breakup. Shifting blame on your partner or even yourself only creates resentment and disharmony. Keep the focus on differing life goals or compatibility issues rather than pinpointing faults.

3. Show Empathy and Compassion

Few things are more respectful than sincere empathy and compassion. Recognize the pain he must be feeling and honor it. Your gentleness could aid in the healing process for both of you, and sincerity can help ensure that the breakup doesn’t turn bitter.

4. Keep Boundaries Defined

Post-breakup, establishing clear boundaries is pivotal for mutual respect. Do not let your ex tamper with your peace of mind. This could mean limiting contact or even blocking his number, if necessary. Ensure your decision is stated clearly and respected.

5. Seek Support

The end of a relationship, even one that’s not functioning, often brings a wave of grief. Don’t isolate yourself; instead, surround yourself with a support group. This could be friends, family, or a professional counselor. Let them remind you of your worth when you feel low.

Breakups are a part of life, albeit a difficult one. Remember to love and respect yourself through this journey. Your relationship status doesn’t define you – your actions and responses do. Practice self-care, seek support when necessary, and above all, know that it’s okay to prioritize your own happiness.

What are some strategies for coping with heartbreak?

The aftermath of a break-up can be a whirlwind of emotions. But remember, heartbreak is also a path for personal growth and self recovery. Start by giving yourself the time to heal. Everyone’s journey is different, and it takes time to work through these feelings. The following are some core strategies you can use to help cope with heartbreak:

1. Accept the Pain

Embrace the pain instead of pretending it doesn’t exist. Acceptance creates a foundation for healing. This pain is evidence of your ability to feel deeply, and it’s okay to grieve a break up with someone you love.

2. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences

A strong support system is essential during this transition. Spend time with friends or loved ones who can offer a comforting presence and a listening ear. Positive influences can help lift your spirits and remind you that you’re not alone.

3. Practice Self-Care

Take care of your emotional, physical, and mental health. This could mean taking a long walk, participating in a favorite hobby, reading a good book, or enjoying a calming bath. Simple self-care activities can contribute to an overall sense of well-being during this challenging time.

4. Seek Therapy if Needed

There’s no shame in seeking external help when coping becomes too challenging. Professional therapists can provide you with a means to navigate your feelings and provide you with effective coping strategies.

5. Use Reflection as a Tool

Reflect on what you’ve learned from the relationship and the breakup. This can help you gain closure and foster personal growth. While it may be hard, eventually this heartbreak will lead to a stronger version of you.

What are some common mistakes to avoid when breaking up with someone you love?

Breaking up is arduous and daunting, however, certain inadvertencies during this phase can spiral the situation out of control. Let’s dwell on five common mistakes to evade while ending a relationship with someone you love.

1. Utilizing Cliches

Despite good intentions, resorting to clichés such as “It’s not you, it’s me” can leave your partner confused and frustrated. Such statements are often seen as insincere and vague, obscuring the real reasons behind the breakup. Be honest yet considerate while articulating your feelings and thoughts. Don’t obscure the truth, but express it gently.

2. Bad Mouthing Your Ex

Plunging into negativity after the break up fuels hurt feelings and may damage both your reputations. Keep the details of your relationship and breakup private. This preserves respect, prevents additional hurt, and aids in the healing process.

3. Giving False Hopes

Avoid giving misguided hopes of reconciliation during a breakup. If the separation is final, ensure your partner comprehends the situation to avoid prolonging the pain.

4. Engaging in a Blame Game

Pointing fingers and blaming your partner entirely for the break-up will merely intensify negativity. Accept your part in the relationship’s end. Not every breakup occurs due to one person’s fault; sometimes relationships simply don’t work out.

5. Promptly Moving On

Rushing to start a new relationship post breakup often signifies disrespect towards your ex-partner and might be seen as an attempt to provoke jealousy. Allow yourself to heal and reflect on what you learned from the past relationship before hopping into a one.

How to deal with the loneliness after a breakup

Post-breakup loneliness can be a tough hill to climb. The emptiness can feel overwhelming, reminiscent of a quiet room where the only voice you hear is your own echo. However, this isolation is not a permanent state, and can actually function as a period of self-reflection and growth. Let’s now dig into the practical steps you can take to deal with loneliness after a break up with someone you love.

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve

First and foremost, you must acknowledge your feelings. Stifling your emotions will only prolong the healing process. It’s normal to feel a whirlwind of emotions – sadness, anger, and confusion, among others – so let yourself grieve. Write your feelings down in a journal or express them through creative outlets such as art or music.

2. Establish a Support Network

Human connection is a potent remedy for loneliness. Reach out to friends, family, or even support groups where you can share your feelings and experiences. Spending time around the warmth of others can provide the comfort and perspective needed to alleviate loneliness.

3. Nurture your Personal Interests

Embrace solitude as a chance to explore your interests and hobbies, the ones potentially cast aside during the relationship. Whether it’s reading that book you never got around to, picking up the guitar, or hiking on a nearby trail, use this time to focus on activities that excite you and reignite your passion.

4. Practice Mindful Self-Compassion

Be kind and patient with yourself. It’s easy to wallow in self-criticism; however, remind yourself that everyone experiences heartbreak and loneliness. Practice mindfulness, the act of staying present and releasing judgment of your thoughts and feelings. This can be achieved through meditation, yoga, or other mindfulness practices.

5. Seek Professional Help if Necessary

You’ll find this to be a runninig theme in all of these tips on how to break up with someone you love, so I’ll mention it one last time here.

There is no stigma in seeking professional help to deal with the difficult things in your life, in fact, it shows great self-awareness and respect. If this situation feels like it’s too much to handle, don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

How to handle your ex-partner’s response during a breakup

1. Keep Your Emotions in Check

It’s quite natural for a breakup to provoke emotional responses from both parties involved. Your ex-partner’s reaction to the news may range from sadness to anger, disbelief to disappointment. Despite the turbulence of emotions, maintaining an element of emotional control can be crucial. Try to control your reactions and stay calm, even if the other person is becoming emotional or angry. Responding to hostility with kindness and patience can help to diffuse the situation.

2. Be Firm yet Considerate

Once you’ve made your decision, stick to it. That’s not to say that you should be cold or harsh; rather, exercise discernment, care, and respect throughout the process. Be clear on why you’ve made the decision to end the relationship. If your ex-partner seeks answers, you should be prepared to talk about your feelings without transgressing the boundaries of respect and courtesy.

3. Don’t Feed into Arguments

While it’s important to address concerns and answer reasonable questions, be careful not to get drawn into heated arguments. Breaking up is an emotional process, which can stir up all sorts of emotions and trigger arguments. If situations get tense, remember the importance of keeping the discourse civil and respectful. It’s okay to step away and take a break if you feel an argument brewing.

4. Allow Him to Express His feelings

Allow him the opportunity to express his emotion and voice his thoughts. Naturally, his reaction might be bundled up with disappointment, sadness, or anger. But accepting his feelings and giving him the space to express can help him start his healing process. It’s crucial you remain understanding and supportive.

What are the tips for setting boundaries after a break up with someone you love?

Ending a relationship with someone you love embodies a significant life transition. To aid in the healing process and protect your emotional wellbeing, establishing clear boundaries with your ex-partner is crucial. Here are some effective strategies:

1. Define your Personal Space

Give yourself plenty of space for introspection and personal growth. This means limiting interactions with your ex and setting clear emotional and physical space boundaries. While you might be used to his presence in your life, taking time apart can be a benefit to both of you, helping each individual transition into a new chapter.

2. Assert Your Needs Clearly

Communicate your requirements post-breakup and let your ex know what you’re comfortable with. Whether it’s limited contact, or no contact at all, express these boundaries concisely and assertively. Remember, safeguarding your mental health should be your topmost priority.

3. Respect Mutual Friends

It’s common to have overlapping social circles in long-term relationships. Respect your mutual friends and avoid forcing them to take sides or engage in unnecessary gossip. Urge them to understand and respect your chosen post-relationship boundaries as well.

4. Limit Social Media Interactions

In the modern age, social media often complicates the aftermath of a breakup. Consider limiting, or even eliminating, social media interactions with your ex. Unfollow, mute, or block their profiles if you feel necessary- your digital peace is paramount in the healing process.

5. Prioritize Self-Care

While setting boundaries, never forget to prioritize your own well-being. This period of post-breakup recovery should also involve self-care and self-love. Spend time nurturing your own needs and developing your identity outside of the relationship.

Having an effective self-care routine is crucial to your daily peace and happiness, but many people falsely believe that self-care is simply taking a hot bath with a glass of wine and some candles.

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What are the tips for setting boundaries after you break up with someone you love?

Setting boundaries after a breakup can be a challenge. There may be lingering attachments and emotions, making it difficult to establish an effective boundary line. However, boundaries are essential in maintaining your mental and emotional health. To help, we’ve listed a few tips below:

1. Be Clear About Your Expectations

It’s crucial to be clear about what you will and won’t accept post-breakup. Communicate your boundaries effectively and assertively. This might seem challenging, but your well-being must be a priority.

2. Avoid Unnecessary Physical Contact

Avoiding physical contact can help keep boundaries defined. This might mean not hugging or staying in other intimate scenarios while you both come to terms with the breakup. It’s crucial not to confuse comfort with the rekindling of feelings and emotions.

3. Limit Communication

Limiting communication is often essential in establishing boundaries. While completely cutting off may not always be possible or desirable, reducing contact can give you the space to heal and build your independent identity.

4. Keep Your Distance

Though remaining friends may be idyllic, it’s advantageous to maintain a certain degree of distance. This might involve avoiding familiar shared spaces to minimize awkward encounters or not attending mutual social events until you both are fully healed.

5. Be Firm With Your Decisions

While it’s crucial to be considerate of your ex’s feelings, don’t waver from your decisions when it comes to your boundaries. Remember, you set these boundaries for your well-being and peace of mind.

Setting boundaries after a breakup is a journey that requires time and patience. So, be gentle with yourself as you navigate through this phase.

How to deal with guilt after a break up with someone you love

Dealing with guilt following a break-up can be one of the most challenging aspects of ending a relationship you once held dear. However, it’s crucial to remember that guilt, like other emotions, is a normal part of the human experience and is especially likely to surface during periods of significant change. It doesn’t make your decision to end the relationship wrong.

1. Acceptance is the first step

Acceptance is the first step towards dealing with guilt after breaking up with someone you love. It’s okay to feel guilty—it means you empathize and realize that your actions have implications on others. Accepting your guilt doesn’t mean you endorse it. Instead, it’s about acknowledging it as part of your emotional spectrum and understanding it’s a natural response to a significant emotional event.

2. Understand Your Reasons for Ending the Relationship

Ensure you’re clear on why the relationship had to end. You made this decision for a reason, and it’s important that you reaffirm those reasons to yourself. Remember, making the best decision for your wellbeing may sometimes mean hurting someone else and that doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s not about creating an exhaustive list of faults, but rather, about understanding the circumstances and realizing that staying wouldn’t have been healthy or fair for either of you.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Forgive yourself and practice self-compassion. The fact that you feel guilty after the breakup shows your humanity, but it shouldn’t chain you in perpetual self-condemnation. Accept your flaws, grow from your mistakes, and recognize that you’re a human being capable of experiencing a range of complex emotions. The guilt you’re feeling may be painful, but it can also be a tool for growth and emotional maturity.

4. Allow Time to Heal

Time can be your strongest ally when it comes to dealing with guilt after a breakup. You’ll need time to process your emotions, come to terms with the end of a significant relationship, and begin to heal. There’s no rush, and it’s completely okay to take all the time you need. The pain won’t go away overnight, but rest assured, it will lessen as the days turn into weeks and months.

Wrapping Up: How to Break up with Someone You Love

Ending a relationship is difficult – no matter how much you care for him. You’re dealing with your own emotions and his potential hurt and disappointment. This process can be grueling, but by following the suggestions we’ve discussed, it can be respectful and compassionate.

Deciding to break up with someone you love shouldn’t be taken lightly so find a calm and private environment to have this conversation. Be honest and kind about your reasons for wanting to end the relationship, and respect his feelings throughout the process. Focus on the future, and understand this is a step towards personal growth and happiness for you both.

Communication is crucial during a breakup and preparing what you’re going to say can save you from stumbling over your words or saying something you’d regret. Using ‘I’ statements rather than blaming makes it a healthier conversation. It’s equally important to listen to his perspective and be patient and understanding.

Breakups often bring loneliness, guilt, and heartbreak so allow yourself to grieve and feel these emotions. Surrounding yourself with positive influences, practicing self-care, or seeking therapy can help your healing process. Refrain from engaging in behaviors like bad mouthing your ex or giving him false hopes to maintain a friendly atmosphere post-breakup.

Come to terms with your guilt through acceptance. Understand your reasons for ending the relationship and practice self-compassion. Allow and give yourself, time to heal.

Setting boundaries after the breakup gives you time and space to deal with your emotions. Defining your personal space, limiting communication, and keeping your distance all contribute towards a healthier recovery.

Breaking up with someone you love is a highly personal and individual choice. There are ways to navigate it so it’s more respectful and compassionate. Remember to take care of yourself during and after the process.

Whether you initiate the breakup or he does, there are things you’re either going through now or will go through very soon. For example, did you know that your body is addicted to love? It isn’t just the name of a song – it really happens!

He’s Gone Now What provides you the tools to heal and move forward into a new relationship in a healthy and confident way. You can begin your healing journey today!

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Unveiling the Secrets of Love: Essential Advice on Love for Women

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After

Understanding the psychological aspects of love can greatly enhance your ability to navigate your relationships. One of the first things to understand is that love is not just a feeling, but a complex interplay of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs. It involves attachment, intimacy, and care, and these elements are influenced by both our personal experiences and our biological makeup.

Love often begins with attraction, which is largely influenced by physical appearance and shared interests. However, it’s important to note that attraction is not solely based on these factors. Psychological aspects such as personality traits, values, and attitudes also play a crucial role. Understanding this can help women to look beyond the surface when seeking a partner.

Attachment is another key psychological aspect of love. This is the deep bond that develops between people who spend a lot of time together. It’s influenced by factors such as the level of comfort, safety, and security that a person feels in the relationship. Women should understand that a healthy attachment involves a balance of dependence and independence.

Intimacy is a crucial component of love that involves sharing personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences with a partner. It’s important for women to understand that intimacy is not just physical, but also emotional and intellectual. It requires trust, openness, and mutual respect. Building intimacy takes time and effort, and it’s essential for a meaningful relationship.

Lastly, love involves care, which is the willingness to prioritize another person’s needs and happiness above your own. It’s important for women to understand that care should be reciprocal in a healthy relationship. It’s not about self-sacrifice, but about mutual support and understanding.

The Science of Attraction

When it comes to the game of love, not everything is left to chance. In fact, the attraction between two people is hardly a mystery. It’s science! Your brain, hormones, and senses all play a crucial role in determining who you find attractive. So, perhaps it’s time to delve a little into this fascinating subject.

Our Brains: Oxytocin and dopamine, two brain chemicals, largely play a role in attraction. Oxytocin, often referred to as the ‘love hormone’, is released during touch and intimacy, fostering a sense of connection and trust. Dopamine, conversely, favors the ‘reward’ system in the brain, making us feel pleasure and satisfaction. So, if you find yourself magnetically drawn to someone, you might want to thank these little participants!

Hormones: Other than those in our brains, hormones like estrogen and testosterone are key contributors as well. Interestingly, women prefer the scent of men with high testosterone levels, especially during the most fertile period of their menstrual cycle. On the other hand, men are attracted to women with higher levels of estrogen, which suggests femininity and fertility. It appears as if nature has its subtle ways of bringing people together!

It’s all about chemistry, literally. The secret of attraction lies in the unique combination of chemicals in our bodies.

Senses: It’s not just about seeing or talking to someone that makes them attractive – quite often it’s also about their smell! Pheromones, chemicals that are secreted in our sweat and other body fluids, are believed to play a crucial role in attraction. They are subtly carried through the air, triggering specific responses among members of the same species. So next time you find someone’s scent strangely alluring, remember it might be their pheromones working!

Last but not least, looking attractive often extends beyond sheer physicality. The way a person thinks, their perspectives, and their sense of humor can all significantly impact perceived attractiveness. So, while understanding the science of attraction is fascinating, remember that every person is unique, and it’s that uniqueness which will ultimately make them truly irresistible.

Advice on Love and Attachment

Let’s touch on a crucial aspect of love: attachment. Attachment refers to a deep emotional bond with someone else. It’s the feeling that keeps you coming back for more, the one that triggers your heart to beat faster when you see your loved one, and gives you the shivers when you hear their voice.

While everyone experiences attachment differently, there are several universal stages that most people pass through. Allow me to walk you through them, and help you navigate this essential part of a blossoming relationship.

The stages of attachment

Initial attraction: This is sparked by physical attraction, shared interests, or a magnetic personality. It’s during this stage that you’ll likely feel butterflies in your stomach and an intense interest in getting to know the other person more. It’s exciting, but remember, it’s only the first step of many.
Building a connection: Here, you’ll start spending time together and exploring shared experiences. You’ll get to know each other on a deeper level, revealing your true selves, and potentially even revealing your vulnerabilities. It’s when infatuation gives birth to deeper emotions.
Mutual recognition of attachment: This is when it ‘clicks.’ You both acknowledge your feelings and decide you want to be in a relationship. As joyful as it can be, it should also be a period of serious discussion—about exclusivity, future plans, and shared expectations.
Lasting attachment: This is the long term, the ‘through thick and thin.’ It’s when you’ve developed a genuine understanding and acceptance of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. You’re not just in love with the idea of the person; you love who they genuinely are.

Note: It’s necessary to understand these phases are a guide, not a rule. Everyone’s journey is unique; you may sail through these stages quickly, linger in others, or skip one altogether.

How to nurture your attachment

Attachment doesn’t remain static; instead, it grows and strengthens with time and effort. Good communication, trust, respect, and space for individuality are a few key elements that can help you nurture healthier attachments. These characteristics lay the foundation for a meaningful relationship, helping your love grow stronger and deeper over time.

Attachment is the long-lasting bond that keeps couples together. It’s the glue that can make your relationship survive the highs and lows, the laughter, and the tears, to appreciate the beautiful shared moments and to withstand the challenging ones. Love well, and on your terms.

After all, there are no ‘perfect relationships’ – only perfectly imperfect ones, beautiful in their unique ways. Remember, love is as much about the journey as it is about the destination.

What Intimacy is and What it is Not

Understanding intimacy’s true nature can transform your love life dramatically. Many women confuse sexual attraction and physical closeness with intimacy, but it goes much deeper. Intimacy is about a strong emotional connection, vulnerability, and about being open and comfortable in each other’s emotional space.

Let’s clear a few misconceptions about intimacy:

Intimacy isn’t solely physical: While physical closeness can help foster it, true intimacy stems from emotional bond and mutual understanding.
Intimacy doesn’t require sacrifice: It’s not about losing your personal boundaries and self-respect. Each party can maintain their individuality while still being intimately connected.
Intimacy can’t be hurried: It naturally evolves over time as trust builds within the relationship.

With that understanding, let’s talk about ways to foster genuine intimacy.

Strategies to Foster Intimacy

Building an authentic, profound, intimate connection requires intentional effort. Here are a few strategies to help deepen your relationships:

Communicate Openly: Share your dreams, fears, hopes and insecurities. Open communication enables you to understand and empathize with your partner’s emotional world.
Show Emotional Transparency: Express your feelings sincerely, however you’re feeling. Allow your partner to see the real you, fostering a sense of trust and closeness.
Actively Listen: Practice active listening, which means focusing completely on your partner when they speak, showing interest, and offering supportive feedback.
Establish Boundaries: Define your limits and respect your partner’s boundaries too. Intimacy is not about losing individuality but about harmonizing two different individuals.

Remember, love and relationships are rarely a smooth journey. They come with their fair share of challenges and turbulences. However, with authenticity, mutual respect, and patience, you can cultivate the intimacy that’s both rewarding and nourishing.

Advice on Love and Prioritizing One Another’s Needs

Love is a unique journey, not a one-size-fits-all roadmap. It means different things to different people, and similarly, everyone has unique needs, expectations, and dreams. To forge a lasting relationship, you mustn’t only understand your own needs but also those of your partner. Prioritizing each other’s needs doesn’t mean neglecting yours. Instead, it’s about creating a mutual platform where you both can thrive.

Prioritizing each other’s needs involves paying attention, active listening, empathy, and taking deliberate actions to address those needs. In this section, I’ll dive into how you can achieve this successfully.

Understanding Your Partner’s Needs

Every individual is unique and so are their needs. Your partner’s needs could range from emotional support, validation, affection, space, excitement, or even shared activities. Encourage open and honest communication, giving your love the freedom to express what they really want and need from the relationship. The aim isn’t just to understand, but to respect these needs as indicative of their individuality and uniqueness.

Empathy and Active Listening

To prioritize your partner’s needs, you must develop empathy. This means recognizing and sharing the feelings and concerns of your partner, making sure they feel understood and valued. Active listening helps you develop empathy; it’s the art of truly hearing what your partner says and understanding their perspective. Strong communication skills will ultimately affect how well you can meet each other’s needs.

Meeting the Needs

Now you’ve understood the needs, it’s time to meet them. If your partner needs more quality time, reshape your routine to incorporate more shared experiences. If they need validation, be more vocal about their strengths and achievements. Simple actions, done continuously, can take even the most routine days and transform them into special memories.

Caring for Your Own Needs

While it’s important to prioritize your partner’s needs, you should never ignore your own. Maintain a balanced approach. Express your needs clearly and resolve problems collectively. Striking a healthy balance will maintain the validity and vitality of the relationship.

Remember, prioritizing each other’s needs is never about sacrificing your own happiness or well-being. Instead, it’s about fostering a space where both of you can be yourselves and still feel loved, cherished, and understood.

Understanding What You Truly Want

Understanding what you truly want in a relationship is vital to finding and maintaining love. However, it can often appear challenging, especially due to societal pressures and expectations. Yet, don’t lose hope. Here are some tips and guidance to help you explore what you truly seek in love.

Firstly, it’s necessary to identify your core values. These are the principles that guide your life and should, ideally, align with your partner’s. Do you value honesty above all? Or is it freedom, dedication, compassion? It’s essential to establish this as it can greatly influence your relationship satisfaction.

Recognize your deal breakers. These are traits or habits that you can’t tolerate in a partner. It could be something like constant negativity, lack of ambition, or dishonesty. Don’t let the fear of ending up alone make you overlook these. A relationship that brings you more pain than joy is not worth it.

Communication and mutual respect. It’s important to remember that love is not just about passion but also about being able to share your thoughts, ideas, fears, and hopes with your partner. Furthermore, respect is indispensable for any healthy relationship – insist on it for yourself but also ensure you offer it to your partner.

Creating a mental image of your ideal relationship can be quite helpful too. Think about how you would like to interact with your partner, how you handle conflicts, the amount of independence you both have, etc. Once you’ve got it, ask yourself if this aligns with the reality of your current or prospective relationship. If it doesn’t, it’s perhaps time to reconsider.

The Role of Self-Love

When speaking of love, it’s necessary not to overlook the value of self-love. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of your mental and emotional well-being not only increases your chances of finding love but also enriches your ability to maintain it. Plus, it sets a standard for how you allow others to treat you.

Remember, love starts within you. You have to love yourself first before you can truly give and receive love from others.

Once you understand what it is you’re truly seeking, finding the right love becomes less daunting. Remember, it’s not about finding someone who fulfills all your expectations but someone with whom you can grow, someone who can become your best friend, and someone who, by adding to your life, makes it more vibrant and joyful. Thus, knowing what you truly want is the beginning of your beautiful love journey.

Advice on Love: Defining Your Relationship Goals

Before you venture into the world of love and relationships, it’s crucial to have a clear understanding of what you want out of a partnership. Defining your relationship goals not only helps direct your actions in love, but also shapes your expectations, enhancing your chances of achieving a fulfilled romantic life. Let’s delve into this.

Firstly, ask yourself what you seek in a relationship and be brutally honest. Is it companionship, physical intimacy, friendship, or a combination of these? Every individual’s desires are unique, and what works for a close friend or a family member might not work for you.

Companionship: This means wanting a partner to share life’s ups and downs.
Physical intimacy: Some people prioritize a strong physical connection with their partner.
Friendship: You might be looking for someone who can be your best friend as well as a romantic partner.

Understanding your needs and wants is only half the battle. You need to be able to communicate these desires to your potential or existing partner(s) to make sure you’re both on the same page. Otherwise, misunderstandings and unfulfilled expectations can lead to bitterness and disappointment.

Personal growth and understanding only truly comes when we invest the time and effort to explore our desires and communicate them openly.

Another integral aspect of defining relationship goals involves considerations for the future. Do you envision marriage, children, or a life of travel and adventure? Or perhaps, you would prefer to keep things more flexible, and simply see where the relationship journey takes you.

Dating Etiquettes: Modern Rules for the Modern Woman

Being a modern woman in the dating world can feel like navigating through an exciting, yet complex labyrinth. With the evolving dynamics of relationships and the influence of digital platforms, how can you maintain your grace, confidence and authenticity in the dating scene? Let’s explore a few ground rules you can integrate into your dating life.

Self-Assertiveness:

In the world of dating, it’s essential you voice your feelings and stand up for what you believe in. It’s not about being aggressive. It’s about valuing your beliefs, expressing your needs clearly and asserting boundaries. Strong, independent women are not afraid to say what they feel or want. Remember, being you is enough.

“A strong woman is one who feels deeply and loves fiercely. Her tears flow as abundantly as her laughter. A strong woman is both soft and powerful, she is both practical and spiritual. A strong woman in her essence is a gift to the world.” – Native American saying

Honest Communication:

Transparency and honesty form the bedrock of any impactful conversations, more so when you’re getting to know someone. Express your thoughts, ideas, desires, and aspirations honestly. Remember to be receptive to your date’s perspective as well. Honest communication builds respect and trust, the two pillars of any successful relationship.

Embrace Your Individuality

Your uniqueness is your strength in the dating realm. Embrace who you are, with all your quirks, passions, and idiosyncrasies. Take pride in your independence, your hard-won achievements, and your life experiences. Cherish your interests and hobbies because they make you the person you are. Be true to yourself, because authenticity is truly magnetic.

The Art of Listening:

True listening goes beyond hearing. It involves understanding, empathizing, and truly grasping what another person is saying. When your date speaks, try to engage fully in their narrative. Active listening involves responding appropriately and providing feedback when needed. Not only does listening emphasize your interest, but it also promotes respect and understanding in relationships.

Remember, Dating is a Journey

Our modern world might convince you that you must quickly meet someone and fall in love. However, the essence of dating is about exploration, learning about new people, enjoying experiences, and having fun along this journey. More than finding the perfect partner immediately, it’s about personal growth and self-discovery. So sit back, enjoy the ride, and know that the right person will come at the right time.

Dating Safety:

Despite all the excitement that comes with dating, ensure that your safety is never compromised. Be careful about sharing personal details, especially on online platforms. Always choose public and safe locations for the initial dates. Remember, your comfort and security are paramount, don’t compromise them for anyone or anything.

Advice on Love: Balancing Love and Independence

Love is a wonderful emotion, but it’s essential not to lose your individuality and independence in the process of falling in love or being in a relationship. Balancing love and independence can seem like a tightrope act, but with the right approach, you can maintain your freedom and still enjoy a beautiful, loving relationship.

Remember, it’s absolutely okay to want ‘me’ time or pursue your own interests separate from your partner. It doesn’t mean you love them any less – it simply contributes to a healthier and more balanced relationship.

Embrace Your Independence

Independence isn’t about doing everything by yourself. Instead, it’s about knowing that you can handle things alone, even though you might not need to. Value your alone time, cherish your freedom, and develop your interests and hobbies. These are not only therapeutic but also allow you to grow as an individual.

Communicate with Your Partner

No successful relationship happens without open, honest communication. It’s not just about sharing your feelings or expressing love. You also need to communicate your need for personal space and independence. Most partners will understand and respect this if you articulate it considerately and lovingly.

Balance Couple Time and ‘Me’ Time

Managing time is key to balancing love and independence. Spend quality time with your partner, but also set aside enough time for yourself. It might seem challenging at first but knowing when to prioritise what, comes with practice and understanding.

Create Shared and Individual Goals

While shared dreams and objectives foster unity, individual goals ensure personal growth. Co-creating life goals strengthens the relationship while individual targets help retain your personal identity. Yes, it’s not just okay but important, that apart from being a pair, you also have a personal life track.

In the quest for love, never compromise on your individuality or independence. With effective communication, understanding, and a bit of effort, there is always a way to find balance in love and independence.

Ditching the Fairy-Tale: Real Love Vs. Ideal Love

Dreamy Hollywood romance movies might lead you to believe love is about grand gestures and breathless declarations. However, real love, the enduring kind, is often a more subdued affair, characterized by kindness, understanding, and shared moments of peace. It’s not always easy to discern this distinction. Thus, understanding and appreciating real love versus ideal love is a critical perspective to maintain for a healthy, happy relationship.

Real Love:

Real love, the most profound and lasting form of love, is all about true intimacy and emotional connection. It doesn’t have to be a roller-coaster of ups and downs. It finds beauty in calm and constancy. It’s more about feeling at home with someone, enjoying a sense of security and mutual respect, and continually growing together.

Cultivating patience: Real love is patient. It understands that every individual has their process of development and doesn’t force growth or change.
Accepting flaws: Loving someone genuinely means accepting their flaws. Remember, everybody is a work in progress.
Deep kindness: Real love operates from a foundation of deep kindness, respect, and care towards the other person, even during conflicts or misunderstandings.
Shared values and goals: This does not necessarily mean having the same interests or hobbies, but rather sharing core values and future aspirations.

Ideal Love:

Idealized love, on the other hand, is where you fall for the idea of a person or what they can become. It’s often characterized by an obsession with the other person’s perfection and can lead to unrealistic expectations. As passionately intoxicating as this love may feel, it can easily lead to heartbreak when confronted with the reality of a flawed, human partner.

“Ideal love often sets unrealistic standards and expectations. Instead of focusing on the real person standing before you, you fixate on a false image of perfection that no person could, or should, live up to.”

Here are some pointers to remember:

Obsession with perfection: Ideal love often obsesses over the perfect sides of the person, ignoring their real, human flaws.
Expectation Vs. Acceptance: In idealized love, you may find yourself living in the realm of ‘should-be’ rather than ‘is,’ preferring expectations over acceptance.
Comparison and dissatisfaction: Ideal love can lead you to constant comparison and dissatisfaction when your partner fails to meet your lofty standards.
Romanticizing conflict: While real love understands conflict as something to be resolved, ideal love might romanticize it as a symbol of passion.

Communicating Real Vs. Ideal Love

Understanding the difference between real love and ideal love is the first step. The next essential aspect is open and honest communication with your partner about these expectations and perspectives. Recognizing and discussing what you both want from the relationship can pave the way towards mutual understanding and growth.

Above all, real love is about navigating the vulnerable moments, celebrating jointly, laughing together, supporting each other in trials, and attaining personal and mutual growth. It’s about finding joy in the ordinary, sharing a life filled with compassion, understanding, and, most importantly, affectionate love that sees, accepts, and honors the real you.

Advice on Love and Navigating the Dating Landscape: Online vs. Traditional

When it comes to finding love, there are generally two playing fields you can venture into: online and traditional. Each has its unique sets of experiences and chances, all packaged with both challenges and rewards. It’s essential to know how to navigate both landscapes to ensure a successful pursuit of love.

Online dating has seen exponential growth in recent years, largely due to its convenience and accessibility. It offers a wide pool of potential matches right at your fingertips. You can communicate without the pressures of immediate responses and have the option to be selective, even before a meetup. Online dating can cater to all types of relationships, whether you’re looking for something short-term, long-term, or simply a lively conversation.

Pros	Cons
More personal and spontaneous experiences	Might involve more effort and time
Body language and chemistry are more visible	Potential for awkward situations
Greater chance for authentic connections	Limited options

There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to dating, and you have the freedom to choose the approach that suits your personality and lifestyle. It might very well be that a mix of both what works perfectly for you! Remember, the most crucial part is to be yourself, remain patient, and positive in your pursuit of finding love.

Maintaining Passion and Intimacy Over Time

Keeping the flames of passion and intimacy alive in a relationship can be a beautiful journey, and yet quite challenging. It typically involves growth, shifts, and compromises. Thankfully, with the right strategies, you can maintain the excitement and emotional connection that marked the beginning of your relationship.

First and foremost, frequent and open communication lies at the heart of enduring passion and intimacy. This doesn’t only pertain to talking about serious matters, but sharing snippets of your daily lives, your individual thoughts, hopes and fears. By being open, you give your partner the chance to understand and know you more deeply, thereby fostering intimacy.

A fun, creative, and intimate way to share your feelings is through love letters. Dare to express your feelings in words. Despite being considered old-fashioned, love letters have a certain charm that can make your partner feel loved and special. They serve as tangible proof of your affection and feelings for your partner.

Keeping the Spark Alive

Another key factor in maintaining passion is to keep fun and spontaneity alive, which is often lost in the daily humdrum of routines. Build a sense of anticipation in your relationship by planning surprise dates and getaways, or introducing new activities you can enjoy together.

Also, physical intimacy is important in keeping the passion alive. However, this doesn’t always mean sex. It can simply mean holding hands, cuddling in the sofa while watching a movie, giving love pecks or surprise hugs. These small gestures can significantly boost feelings of warmth, love, and intimacy towards your partner.

Values and Shared Experiences

More importantly, shared values and experiences can solidify your connection with your partner. Having a common understanding of what’s significant in life can lead to a deeper, more satisfying love. Engage in a hobby, volunteer for a cause, or even try a fitness goal together. This reinforces the feeling of mutual growth and alignment.

Maintaining passion and intimacy demands continual effort and commitment from both partners. Remember that it’s not just about fanatical love but genuine affection, respect, and bond. Love isn’t just a feeling but also an act of ongoing and intentional growth. With the right efforts, your relationship can stand the test of time, becoming richer and more profound as the years roll by.

Embracing Change and Growth in Love

Love, just like life, is a journey filled with constant growth and change. As you and your partner evolve and mature, your relationship also undergoes transformations. Many women often feel scared or overwhelmed by these changes, but remember, acceptance and adaptation are key to hitting those relationship milestones.

So, what are these imminent changes you shall face, and how can you gracefully navigate through them? Let’s dive deeper into it.

1. Change in Life Goals and Aspirations

Step into the shoes of a mature individual and realize, everyone changes with time. Your goals and aspirations don’t remain the same over five or ten years. The same applies to your partner – their dreams might evolve too. The best way to handle this change is by open communication, understanding each other’s evolving desires, and finding common ground.

2. Change in Preferences

You enjoyed salsa during the early stages of your relationship, but now you find solace in watching Netflix with a cozy blanket. That’s completely fine. Tastes change and acknowledging that change is important. Be open about it and gently express it to your partner. The goal is to enjoy activities that bring joy to both of you.

3. Change in Appearances

Ah, the one everybody dreads, yet it’s inevitable! Aging is a natural process and it’s important to embrace it. Accept your changing appearance and also that of your partner’s. If there’s a lack of self-love, work on building a positive body-image and self-esteem. Remember, you’re beautiful in your own unique way.

4. Change in Circumstances

Life can sometimes get unpredictable throwing jobs, moves or kids your way. During these times, remember to stay a team. Support each other, be flexible, appreciate your partner’s contributions and constantly communicate. Challenges can be a bonding experience when tackled together.

5. Growth – Personal and Relationship

Growth is an integral part of love. Personal growth involves developing self-awareness, nurturing your desires, and refining your emotions. Relationship growth, on the other hand, is about strengthening your bond, offering mutual support, and cultivating empathy. True love means celebrating both individual and relationship growth.

Love isn’t about being static. It’s about growing, evolving, and building something beautiful over time. Change is intimidating, yet liberating. Embrace it with open arms for the betterment of you and your relationship.

Advice on Love: Recognizing Red Flags in Relationships

Even though the journey of love can be rewarding, it’s important to realize that not every relationship will lead you towards happiness and fulfilment. In some situations, you may encounter what are often referred to as ‘red flags’ – early warning signs that something might be awry in your relationship. And while love can blur your vision, it’s critical for your well-being to stay aware and responsive to these signs.

Red flags are behaviors or patterns that suggest potential problems or conflicts within your relationship. Like an actual flag warning you of danger ahead, these signs, when spotted early, can save you stress and heartache down the line. Let’s dive into some common examples.

Neglect of your emotional needs: If your partner consistently disregards your feelings, it may well be a red flag. They should demonstrate care for your emotions, even during disagreements.
Excessive jealousy or controlling behavior: It’s perfectly natural to feel possessive about the one you love, but there’s a line between reasonable concern and all-consuming jealousy. If your partner is constantly inundating you with accusations, want to dictate who you can see or talk to, or expect to have a say in your personal choices, you might be dealing with a control issue.
Inconsistent communication: Communication can be thought of as the lifeblood of a relationship. If your partner doesn’t reply to your messages or calls in a reasonable time, or never seems available to have meaningful, depth-filled conversations, this might indicate a lack of interest or respect.

Remember, love is supposed to feel good. It’s meant to bring happiness and fulfillment, not constant stress or anxiety. If you’re continually feeling uncertain or insecure in your relationship, it’s worth giving those feelings careful consideration. Pay attention to what your intuition is telling you.

If a relationship constantly brings you down or leaves you feeling exhausted, it might be a sign to rethink whether the relationship is right for you. Remember, being single is better than being in a toxic, draining relationship. You deserved to be loved, cherished and respected in your romantic relationships.

Identifying and Handling Red Flags

Acknowledging red flags can be challenging, especially when you’re emotionally invested in a relationship. It’s easy to explain away worrying behaviors, attributing them to stress or temporary circumstances. Regardless, it’s important to trust your instinct when something feels off. Here are ways to identify and navigate red flags:

Trust your intuition: That sinking feeling in your stomach? Don’t ignore it. It’s your intuition speaking to you. Even if everything appears perfect on the surface, your gut instinct often knows when something’s not right.
Communicate: If something bothers you, bring it up. Have an open, honest conversation about your worries. Remember, it’s crucial to truly listen to their side of the story before jumping to conclusions.
Evaluate: If the behavior continues, it’s time for an evaluation. Is this something you can tolerate in the long run? Or is it a deal breaker?

Remember: a healthy relationship is a partnership where both parties listen, respect and appreciate each other. Love is about being present, acknowledging flaws, and working towards building a happier, healthier future together.

Overcoming Fear of Rejection

Rejection is an inherent part of the human experience—it’s unavoidable, inevitable. We’ve all been there in one way or another, especially when it comes to love and relationships. Yet, even though we know it’s a universal human experience, rejection can still hurt. It’s normal to fear rejection, but when it stops you from pursuing love or holding on to it, it becomes a problem. Here’s some advice to help you overcome your fear of rejection in romantic relationships.

Normalize rejection

The first step in overcoming the fear of rejection is to normalize it. Understand that not everyone will be a good match for you and that’s okay. It’s no reflection on your worth or desirability. Just as you wouldn’t choose everyone you meet as a partner, not everyone will choose you. And that’s entirely normal.

Acknowledge your fear

It’s important to identify and acknowledge your fear rather than trying to push it away or ignore it. When you recognize your fear of rejection, you take a big step towards overcoming it. It’s okay to be afraid; what matters is not allowing that fear to control your actions.

Grow from rejection

Change your perception of rejection. Think of it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Every rejection provides valuable insights about ourselves and our desires. Use it to introspect, to identify what might have gone wrong, and to build a roadmap for future relationships.

Practice Comfort Zone Challenges

Try putting yourself in situations where you might face rejection. It could be as simple as asking a stranger for directions or as personal as expressing your feelings to someone. These “comfort zone challenges” can gradually desensitize you to the fear of rejection.

Maintain Self- Esteem

Never measure your self-worth by how someone else reacts to you. You are so much more than a “Yes” or “No”. Establish your self-esteem on your own terms. Deal with criticisms, but don’t internalize them. Remember, you are enough just as you are.

Overcoming the fear of rejection involves self-love, patience, and practice. No one is immune to rejection and the best way to deal with it is by facing it head-on. Don’t let the fear of the unknown hold you back. Learn to see rejection for what it often is: a redirection towards something better. And always remember, it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Lessons from Failed Relationships: Turn Heartbreaks into Strengths

Failed relationships often feel like an end, but they’re not. Think of them as an opportunity for growth and self-exploration. Each heartbreak offers valuable lessons that can strengthen your understanding of love and relationships.

Understanding the Heartbreak

The first step toward turning heartbreak into strength is understanding the heartbreak itself. When a relationship ends, it’s easy to dwell on negative feelings instead of seeking to understand why it didn’t work out. Was it due to a mismatch of life goals? Were there trust issues? Or perhaps, did the spark just die out? Reflecting on these questions can bring clarity and allow you to learn from your experiences.

Reflect, Don’t Ruminate

There’s a fine line between reflecting on a past relationship and stewing in regret. Reflecting means critically examining the events and actions, and extracting valuable lessons. It helps in recognizing patterns, identifying what went wrong, and what to avoid in the future. Ruminating, on the other hand, is obsessing over the past, with no intention or consequence of growth. It’s often self-destructive and restrains you from moving forward. Recognize this difference and practice healthy reflection.

Becoming Resilient

Failures can be difficult, but they also have the potential to make you resilient. Resilience is not about brushing off your emotions; it’s about confronting them, acknowledging your pain, and still finding the courage to move forward. Consider each ending as a pathway to better beginnings, to more fulfilling relationships ahead.

The Role of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion goes a long way in healing from failed relationships. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. Give yourself the care and patience you would give a friend going through the same experience. Late-night ice cream, sappy movies, long walks, do whatever it takes to be gentle to yourself as you navigate through the pain.

Transforming Pain into Growth

Transformative learning occurs when deeply ingrained beliefs or assumptions change. Heartbreak has the power to foster such a transformative learning process. It forces you to challenge your assumptions, beliefs, and narratives about love. It’s an opportunity to rewrite your story, own your narrative, and transform pain into personal power.

Failed relationships are not about losing love, but about finding love in a new light. They allow you to deeply understand our wants, needs, and priorities, fostering growth both as an individual and as a loving partner.

Wrapping Up Advice on Love

So there you have it – a comprehensive guide filled with advice on love for women. We’ve explored from the preliminary stages of understanding the science of attraction, to learning the art of balancing love and independence. Remember, every relationship is as unique as the people involved in it, and no one size fits all. With the advice provided, you’re equipped to navigate the intricate realm of love, with a sense of confidence and self-awareness.

Key takeaways to keep in mind: Communication is a cornerstone in every successful relationship; Embrace Change and Growth as they are inevitable and also the evidence of a dynamic and healthy relationship; Recognizing Red Flags early can save you from unnecessary heartbreaks;

And most importantly, Remember To Love Yourself First. Self-love is a crucial aspect not only for a healthy romantic relationship but also for a healthy personal life. It will be the cornerstone for your self-esteem, resilience, and overall emotional well-being.

When everything feels too overwhelming, take a step back, and remember this line:

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”

We hope that these pieces of advice help you make the most of your relationships and lead you towards sustaining a love that’s fulfilling, empathetic, and respectful. Make sure you revisit this advice whenever you find yourself in uncharted territories. Remember, be patient, be kind, and always choose love.

Here are just a couple of things you’ll learn inside this best-seller:

Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction…learn why inside
Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal…but what signal? Learn inside the book
You can get a guy to feel like he’s falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

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The Alpha Woman Guide to Happy Relationships

Build a Great Relationship, Find Happily Ever After

For an alpha woman, finding a happy relationship can be one of the biggest challenges of your life. You’re drawn to alpha men because they’re most like you, but then you find yourself in one power struggle after another and the whole thing ends badly.

How does an alpha woman find happy relationships? She does one of two things: she finds beta men to date or learns how to date alpha men.

But there’s a caveat. Studies indicate that while alpha men will date alpha women, they don’t usually marry them.

Still, don’t give up! Today, I have some tips for you on enjoying dating again and finding yourself in a happy relationship! But first, I want to clarify what an alpha woman is. As I’ve been sending some emails about alphas, I’m finding a little bit of a misunderstanding.

Who is the Alpha Woman?

Maybe I should start with what an alpha woman is not. I recently received an email from a woman who proclaims herself an alpha woman because she’s bossy. Bossiness is not a trait of an alpha woman. It’s often a sign of lower confidence – a my way or the highway attitude that denotes someone who can’t handle being wrong.

Alpha Women are Confident

So, of course, the first trait of an alpha woman is that she’s confident. Confident does not equal bossy. Confident means you can handle being wrong and you use those opportunities to learn and improve, not bully someone into submission.

Of course, the thing about confidence is that it not only varies from person to person, but within one person, it can vary from one area of life to another. For example, you can be very confident in your job, but you’ve had a few bad relationships and your dating confidence has dropped.

Confidence is also something you can build back up with effort and patience with yourself.

The Alpha Woman is Ambitious

The alpha woman has goals and she goes after them with gusto! This woman has a plan and she keeps it in front of her every day! She lives a very intentional life that helps her focus on reaching those goals with few distractions.

Alpha Women are Learners

The alpha woman is never happy to stay just as she is. Instead, she’s always trying to learn something new to propel her to new heights or help her achieve a goal. She may focus on learning a new hobby or a new skill for her job. It doesn’t matter. She loves to learn and she’s always learning something!

The Alpha Woman Loves to Encourage Others

You’ll find that the alpha woman is one of the biggest cheerleaders you know, especially when it comes to people she works with or those she cares for.

If you’ve got a big presentation, the alpha will be there, ready to help in any way she can and to give you that boost of confidence you need.

She’s supportive of others and helps keep her friends and coworkers motivated and energized. You want an alpha on your side!

There are several other traits of an alpha woman, and you can find them in my book, The Alpha Female: Who is She? Who Should She Date? How do You Become One?

Are You an Alpha Female Who Can't Find a Happy Relationship?

For alpha women, finding a relationship that isn’t challenging or frustrating can be a real problem. You’re drawn to alpha men, but science tells us that alpha men don’t want to marry alpha women, they only want to date them. Then there’s the beta man, often misunderstood by both alpha men and women, but often a great choice for the alpha woman. Learn more about how you can develop a happy relationship with either type of man by checking out The Alpha Female: Who is She? Who Should She Date? How do You Become One?

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Why Not Try Dating Beta Men?

There is no more misunderstood category of person than the beta man. You may search the internet for articles on the beta man after reading this. I encourage you to read cautiously, especially if the article is written by an alpha man.

Why?

My personal opinion is that alpha men feel threatened by beta men, which is why they use phrases like detrimental to society.

The truth is that the beta man is a wonderful man to date. Let me share a few reasons why.

Beta Men Don’t do Power Struggles

The beta man is fine being second in command in your relationship. In fact, he prefers it. He really doesn’t have any desire to be in charge. It may be that he has a very high-power job at work and wants to relax when he gets home.

Being a beta doesn’t mean he isn’t strong or that he doesn’t have a good job. It just means that when he’s with the woman he adores, he’s fine letting her call the shots.

He’s Comfortable Being Himself

While alpha males tend to preen a lot and thrive on competition, the beta man is fine with himself just as he is.

He’s competitive, like an alpha, but he has a confidence an alpha doesn’t usually possess. He doesn’t need to competite or win to feel better about himself.

The beta man doesn’t have the same need to impress others as an alpha has either. He knows what his uniqueness is and he’s okay with it. He doesn’t need to pretend to be someone he isn’t, just to gain the attention of others.

The Beta Male is Altruistic

The beta man is very comfortable doing something for someone else, just for the sake of helping someone. He requires no accolades or props for doing something good.

Men show their love through their actions, and this is especially true of beta men. If you ask your beta man to do something for you, he’s on it. You don’t need to ask twice.

He’s Detail-Oriented

Wouldn’t you love to date just one guy who caught on to the important stuff? You want the guy who notices your new hair color, cut, or style. You’re looking for someone who notices when you go the extra mile and appreciates it.

The beta man will remember your favorite coffee flavor, how many teaspoons of sugar or honey in your tea, and even which specialty bread you like at the bakery.

He’s More Likely to be a Cuddler

If you’re looking for a guy who enjoys binge-watching Outlander as much as he enjoys an evening out, the beta is your guy.

Alphas need to be out so they can be noticed. Betas are fine going out, but they’re just as likely to want to stay home and snuggle in front of a fire with you.

He’ll do what you want to do.

He Cares About Your Needs in Bed and is Sensitive

What woman wouldn’t want a guy like this?

Of course, the beta man wants to enjoy sex, but his main goal is for you to enjoy the experience. He’s sensitive to your needs both in and out of bed.

If you’ve dated a few alphas or narcissists, this can take some getting used to, but once you do, you’ll appreciate his attention and sensitivity.

What the Beta Man Isn’t

As I mentioned previously, the beta man is misunderstood. Many of the traits you just read, as well as others that betas possess make them seem weak. The truth is that a beta man may be the CEO of a major corporation from nine to five, but from five to nine, he wants someone else to take control.

Some sites will describe beta men as small and scrawny, but I know of one beta man who is 6’4” and very muscular. He works in an emergency room and rehabs vintage cars for a hobby. He’s perfectly fine with his wife being in charge when he’s home. I know another beta who is very athletic and earned upwards of $500K a year. He wishes every day for a woman to be in control in his life.

Other sites describe betas as unattractive, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so who’s to say that a man you find attractive will be attractive to everyone or vice versa? Again, this is someone who truly does not understand the beta.

A final myth I’ll dispel about betas right now is that they have feminine characteristics. They most certainly do not. Neither of the men I described above have any feminine characteristics. Alphas who feel threatened by the beta man’s sensitivity and attention to detail will use these types of phrases to demean the beta.

Just remember that everyone is different. Not all beta men are alike, just like not all alpha men are alike. These generalizations merely help you know which type of man may be best for you.

Speaking of which, let’s take a look at the alpha man.

Alpha Men

Alpha men have good and bad traits. Sometimes one trait can be both, depending on how a particular man uses that trait.

First, let’s examine the positive traits of an alpha man.

He’s a Strong Leader

The alpha man is a strong leader who leads by example. This is one of those traits that can fall into both positive and negative categories, especially as far as relationships with alpha women are concerned.

If you’re willing to give up your leadership role in the relationship, you’ll find your alpha will always steer you in the right direction. This strength makes him a great role model for children, as long as the negatives of this personality trait don’t rear their ugly heads.

The problem with this trait is that an alpha doesn’t see all voices as equal in his relationships. His voice matters. Period.

He Has Emotional Intelligence

Not all alphas have this trait, but many do. Emotional intelligence is knowing what you’re feeling and knowing how to manage those feelings. When a man has high emotional intelligence, it also means he can better manage your emotions, which is something many men cannot do.

Again, though, not all alphas have this trait, so you want to make sure yours does.

He’s Confident

Alphas and betas are both confident types of men. Confidence is a very sexy trait to possess, for both men and women, so you’ll notice this about your guy right away. Of course, confidence can be a negative if he’s overconfident, but really, what comes off as overconfidence is really a lack of confidence, so be aware!

If he’s truly confident, he will make great decisions for your relationship. You can trust this guy!

He’s Growth-Oriented

Many alpha men are focused on personal growth, which means he’ll be interested in his and yours. If you decide you want to go back to college or learn something new, he’ll be right there helping in any way he can.

And Now for Some Problematic Traits

While alphas have many positive traits, a few of which you just read about, they also have some that can cause a relationship to take a turn for the worse.

Alphas are Fiercely Loyal and Protective

Seems like a good trait, right? And it can be for sure, until that protectiveness turns into overprotectiveness. He might consider you to be his property or territory.

Hey, don’t shoot the messenger…anyway, under his protectiveness, you may feel smothered, which quickly becomes a bad thing, especially since you’re an alpha too.

Watch for the fine line between his being protective and controlling. Protective is fine if he’s installing an alarm system to keep you safe while he’s out of town or walking on the street side when you’re out. It’s not okay when he’s got surveillance cameras all over the house and a tracker on your car.

He’s Decisive

How can this be a problem? Decisiveness can be a problem if he believes that either he’s the only one who can make decisions for your relationship or that he thinks his decisions are right and everyone else’s are wrong.

When two alphas are in a relationship and this problem raises itself, your knee-jerk response is to argue with him, but your better tactic is to retreat and let him stew in it for a while.

He heard your objections and statements contrary to his decision and he’s now mulling it over in the calm. If you give him time, he might come to the conclusion that you were right and he can see the wisdom of your opposing thoughts. This doesn’t mean he’ll give in to them, but he might. Your best path may be to gently remind him of your key points when things are going well. This allows him to consider it for a while longer and maybe see your point.

It will be difficult for him to admit he’s wrong, so if he does acquiesce, be sure not to gloat or make a big deal about it. Accept his change in decision and move forward.

He’s Honest

Again, how can this be bad? Well, it’s like the old joke, “Honey do these slacks make my butt look bigger?” The alpha male might not be wise to the idea that a little white lie never hurt anything and he’ll say yes, believing that honesty is the best policy. A smart man knows the answer is no, of course, but nobody said alphas were always smart 😊

What you must understand is that if he says something that comes off as a negative, the truth is that he does want you to look great, if for no other reason than it helps him look great. His honesty is what he considers to be constructive criticism. He’s not trying to hurt your feelings but to help you look better. He just has a poor way of going about it.

So Which Shall it Be?

The truth is that I can’t tell you which type of man to date. All I can do is present you with the two types of men that you’re most likely to come across and help you understand how you can enjoy a happy relationship with either type.

For the beta man, the happiness for him comes when you take control and let him be himself. Guide him in whatever you want him to do.

This doesn’t mean you’re bossy over him, but you have conversations that focus on getting to know what you each want out of your lives together and then you work out a plan for getting there. He will follow your lead, but he will do well if you let him have input as well.

Being in any type of relationship requires you to discuss things of importance, which eventually includes who will control what. Remain honest and open with him and truly listen to what he’s telling you.

Odds are, he’s been waiting for a very long time for a woman who will accept the control he’s willing to surrender.

For the alpha man, you’ll need to resign yourself to giving up control of many, if not all things. You can try to discuss it with him and he might give up some control, but I wouldn’t count on it.

Regardless of which type of man you choose, understand that there is give and take. How much you give and take will depend a lot on which type of man you decide to be with.

Are You an Alpha Female Who Can't Find a Happy Relationship?

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Signs That a Relationship is Over

Find Happily Ever After

You know you’re unhappy and you sense that your partner might be unhappy, but what are the signs that a relationship is over? How can you know?

First, know that highs and lows in any relationship are normal. You aren’t always going to be head-over-heels in love with one another. He has traits that annoy the heck out of you and vice versa. When you’re having a bad day, those traits can be more annoying than usual.

This is how life works. None of us are perfect, so expecting perfection from your partner or your relationship is unreasonable.

Still, if a relationship is in an unrecoverable tailspin, there are indisputable signs to look for. Today, I’d like to share those with you.

Signs That a Relationship is Over | Emotional Distance

One big clue that things are looking bleak is when you feel a growing distance emotionally. You enjoy fewer moments of fun and spontaneity.

Josh and Kelly had been together for a couple of years when Josh started working through the night instead of during the day. He had his own home business, so he could choose his work hours. Kelly found herself waking up to Josh just going to bed. Not only did this mean they weren’t sleeping together, but their days were flipped. While she was awake, Josh was asleep and vice versa, leaving them little to no time to do things together. Soon, other things began happening, like Josh being condescending and finding reasons to avoid doing things with Kelly. She ended it and never looked back.

Clearly, Josh and Kelly had other issues, but then again, maybe not. Their problems could come from one or both of them having an anxious attachment style or having a significant lack of self-esteem and self-worth.

People create an emotional distance for many reasons. Sometimes, it’s because they don’t believe they deserve the love their partner is giving. Other times, they may begin to feel anxious as the relationship draws closer to a commitment. And there are dozens of other reasons why partners experience emotional distance.

While it’s not unrecoverable, a growing emotional distance is an indicator of a bigger problem, and a professional counselor may be your only option if you want to save the relationship.

You Fight. All. The. Time

Again, no relationship is perfect. You’re going to experience disagreements. Fighting becomes a problem when there are more moments when you’re fighting than there are moments of calm. You may fight about your fights, or you might not be fighting fair.

Fighting fair means you’re allowing both partners to speak and be heard. While he’s speaking, you’re listening. Period. You aren’t yelling back in his face to dispute what he says. That isn’t listening.

My mother always said that your ears don’t work if your mouth is open. Obviously, it’s an analogy, but a good one. You can’t listen clearly if you’re spending your time deciding what to say in response or talking over one another.

Fighting fair also means you don’t dig up old fights. If you’re arguing over him not mowing the lawn for your party tonight, don’t start fighting about the ten previous times he didn’t do something you asked him to do. A fight should be about one topic and only one.

In either case, the problems between you have grown very large. You aren’t really fighting about mowing the lawn. You’re fighting about another disappointment in a long line of disappointments. Your problem isn’t about the minor thing you’re arguing over, but something larger that you might not even be able to identify.

Again, with professional counseling, you may be able to get to the root of your arguments, but when fighting goes this far, it’s one of the signs that a relationship is over for sure.

Signs That a Relationship is Over | You Don’t Share Your Joy

You and your partner should be there for one another in the good and bad. When you get a promotion, he should be at the top of the list of people you want to tell. If he isn’t, why not?

Do you think he won’t care? Does it seem as if he’s more wrapped up in his own stuff than in what’s going on in your life? Of course you want to share this with someone you trust and who is close to you. Someone who will truly share in your elation.

If you don’t see him as that person, things have traveled down a wrong road somewhere. In some relationships, if things have really gone downhill, it might not even occur to you to share it with him, at all. You call your best friend and share it with her and others you’re close to but your partner is left in the dark.

Sad,Tired,Young,Woman,Touching,Forehead,Having,Headache,Migraine,Or

You Find it Exhausting to be Around Him

You might not always want to be around your partner, but those moments shouldn’t be very frequent. If he’s going through something difficult, he may be difficult to be around. The amount of energy you must expend to accommodate his mood is exhausting, but you do it because you love him.

But what if those exhausting moments are too frequent? You feel as if he always needs something from you but when you need something in return, he’s absent.

Part of the problem in Josh and Kelly’s relationship is that Josh is needy. For a while, Kelly could deal with it, but the more emotionally distant he became, the less tolerant she was for his neediness. Then when his father came to visit after losing his wife, Kelly saw what her life looked like twenty years in the future. Josh’s dad was beyond needy.

Neediness is a sign of insecurity in the relationship, but it’s not your fault. It’s something within your partner that tells him he’s not worthy of you or he’s afraid you’ll leave him, so he uses his neediness to try and draw you back. Unless you’re someone who’s unbelievably patient, that level of neediness will likely push you in the opposite direction from what he’s hoping for.

Signs That a Relationship is Over | You Justify Staying for an Outside Reason

I wish I knew how many people I’ve talked to who say they’re staying together for the kids. This is the worst thing you can do for your kids. Most of the emotional trauma children experience in a divorce situation comes before the parents separate.

Kids see dishes flying across the room, fists aimed at one of their beloved parents, and they hear angry words shouted between you, even though you sent them to their rooms.

Once you’re apart and the fighting and flying objects stop, kids are relieved. Children aren’t built to handle the emotions of an adult relationship, but each time you argue in front of them, that’s what you’re asking them to do.

You’re also putting them in the middle of your conflict. “Johnny, tell your dad how much you want him to be around more. Go ahead. Tell him!” Of course, Johnny wants his dad to be around more, but what he doesn’t want is to be a pawn in your game.

Don’t stay together because you share children or a business. The people who must put up with the two of you don’t deserve that. Figure out a way to work through splitting your time spent with your children or find a workaround at the office.

You aren’t doing anyone any favors by staying together.

He’s More of a Roommate than a Partner

There comes a point in a bad relationship where you treat one another with superficial kindness. Maybe you’ve decided to stop arguing and now, you just smile at him and keep moving.

This is where you’ll feel that emotional distance. You don’t feel love toward him any longer, so all there is left to feel is some superficial friendship.

When your relationship is like this, the fighting has stopped because you just don’t care anymore. You’re all fought out and exhausted by the whole thing.

Signs That a Relationship is Over | There’s No Trust

Trust is one of the cornerstones of a good relationship. Without trust, you have nothing. You trust him to be there for you when you need him. He trusts you to do the same. You trust him to come home when he says he will and to do things he says he’ll do. And vice versa.

Then, of course, there’s always the dreaded affair, the ultimate trustbuster.

Regardless of why the trust has eroded, it has and now you feel as if you can’t believe anything he says. It’s an endless stream of unkept promises.

When trust has eroded the relationship, the only way to rebuild it is to seek professional counseling.

Early in a relationship, he earned your trust by showing up for dates on time and doing what he said he would. But once that trust is broken, it’s much harder to build it again. You may think you can learn to trust him again, but those underlying causes will keep rearing their ugly heads.

A professional counselor can help you work through the valid doubts you have about his ability to keep his word.

You Don’t Want to Spend Time Together

It’s Saturday morning and the two of you are assessing what to do with your weekend. He wants to go watch football with his friends, which is something you’ve also enjoyed, but this time, you’d rather be anywhere else.

And this isn’t the first weekend you’ve wanted to have your own plans. You’re finding that you want to do your own thing on most weekends.

COVID forced many couples to spend a lot of time together as we all battled through our own issues of being shut in with nothing to do but the daily crossword and solitaire on our iPads. I haven’t looked at the statistics, but if I had to guess, I’d say some couples flourished while others fell apart.

There is a midway point between too much time together and not enough. Spending every waking moment together isn’t healthy for any relationship, but neither is spending all your free time apart.

But the real question is whether you want to spend time with him. If you just want to go shopping or you’re planning a big event that’s taking up some of your weekend time, that’s not the same thing. You want to spend time with him, but you have other temporary obligations.

It’s all about why you want to be apart from him.

Signs That a Relationship is Over | You Don’t See a Future with Him

In the case of Josh and Kelly, once Kelly saw how Josh’s dad was, she knew she was seeing her future, and it was bleak.

Kelly has never done well with neediness anyway and Josh’s dad reeks of it. She knows that being in a relationship with someone that needy will sap her energy and steal her joy.

You don’t need to see a future with your romantic partner in the beginning. In fact, it’s not a good idea to go there until you’ve committed to date only each other. Entering a new relationship with wedding bells on will scare him away, as it should.

But as your relationship grows and you become exclusive, there should come a point when you do start seeing the two of you together in rocking chairs with grandchildren.

If you can’t see that future, ask yourself why you’re still there. It might be time to recognize that you’re not as compatible as you once thought and go your separate ways.

There is a Growing Resentment Between You

You have all those arguments, and you feel like he sucks every last drop of your energy. You resent him for making you feel this way.

Resentment is like anger. People hold onto it for their own reasons. Sometimes, there’s a payoff for holding onto it. People feel sorry for you, or you use it for leverage in other arguments.

As you’ve already read, this is unhealthy.

Like anger, you can make a choice to let go of resentment. You can’t change the past, so resenting someone for something that’s over and done with doesn’t change a thing, except it keeps you in a negative frame of mind.

Instead, you can learn to forgive things from the past. This is always a better plan forward than hanging onto the past. But it might not be as simple as that to save your relationship. If you’ve held onto anger and resentment for a while, there may be an emotional distance between you that is too great.

Signs That a Relationship is Over | Your Goals Don’t Align

This doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it truly can be.

Of course, when you first meet someone, you aren’t going to share all of your lifelong goals, but over time, you learn about one another, and you start to figure things out.

If your guy has dreams of traveling the world before he’s thirty while you’re still working on your career, it might not be the best time to become an exclusive couple.

One of the biggest goals that I see causing problems is kids. Many young people, especially those who’ve gone through their parents’ divorce, will proclaim that they don’t want kids. Maybe they don’t have confidence in their ability to parent, or they don’t have confidence that they can enjoy a happy relationship.

Whatever the reason, people who want kids and people who don’t shouldn’t get into a relationship with one another. It’s like dog people and cat people trying to decide what type of pet to get. Someone is going to be unhappy.

Before you get into a deeply committed relationship, you should share your most important goals so you know if they align.

On one hand, this might seem shallow to you, but it isn’t. It’s actually very important because it’s through pursuing our goals that we find confidence and satisfaction in our lives.

Nor do Your Values

While a misalignment in goals can sometimes be worked out with a compromise, a difference in values can be tough to overcome.

Suppose you’ve always been a saver. Your parents taught you to save and you’ve done so like a champ. But your boyfriend is a spendthrift who has, at most, ten cents in his savings account. You know, just to keep the account open.

This is a misalignment of values that is probably going to come between you.

Other things that might cause a problem are your values where work, family, and even living a healthy life are concerned.

You don’t need to be aligned on every value, but there should be enough overlap that where there is a misalignment, it isn’t a big deal.

It also depends on how important that value is to you and whether there is a way to appease you both.

A couple with children should be aligned on how to discipline their children, whether to engage them in different activities and even how to manage childcare if you’re both at work.

When you’re first in love, these things can seem like they’re not important, but they can become huge mountains that stand between you if you don’t take the time to address them.

Signs That a Relationship is Over | Jealousy

Jealousy is really a symptom of a bigger problem – low confidence and self-esteem.

When you’re jealous, you’re really saying that you fear your partner will abandon you for someone else. Why?

Because you don’t believe one of two things: you aren’t good enough for him or you don’t deserve him.

In either case, your self-esteem is low and it’s causing you problems.

Of course, jealousy can come from trust issues as well, but more often than not, it relates to you and your level of confidence and self-esteem.

Confidence plays a role when you don’t feel confident in your ability to either create or maintain a healthy relationship. You’ve had so many failed relationships in the past and this will be just one more. So it’s only a matter of time before he finds someone else.

Often, jealousy rips a couple apart before the person who’s jealous has time to identify and fix the low confidence problem, but once you see it, you can and should fix it before you enter into another relationship.

You may even find that you have a pattern of feeling jealous in relationships. That’s a huge red flag.

Of course, the opposite side of this is being with a guy who’s jealous, in which case, it’s his confidence and self-esteem that are low. You find him driving by when you’re having lunch with your friends. He claims he was in the area, but you know he was checking to see if you’re where you said you’d be.

Or you discover he’s tracking you through your phone or another tracking device.

Regardless of who has the jealousy problem, it’s one of those signs that a relationship is over.

You’re Building Walls, Not Bridges

Sammi and Joe had been together for many years and had a few beautiful children to show for it, but slowly, they were building walls instead of bridges.

Joe was staying at work later and when he did come home, he’d spend hours outside or in the basement, away from Sammi and the kids. After the kids went to bed, and sometimes even before if Joe was in the house, Sammi would go to their bedroom to work instead of spending time in the same space with Joe.

This is building walls. You’re segregating yourselves from one another instead of trying to build bridges or intimacy between you. When you’re building bridges, you’re sharing experiences and developing more intimacy through those experiences. When you’re building walls, you’re putting physical or emotional barriers between you.

Walls can be very difficult to tear down once they’re built. They can lead to arguments and resentment at the most extreme and at the least, emotional distance.

Signs That a Relationship is Over | You Aren’t Having Sex

Physical touch is a very strong bonding agent. When you’re in love, you want to touch your partner and you want to have sex.

Now the exception to this is if you’ve both agreed to abstain from sex until you’re married. That’s not a problem as long as you’re both on the same page.

The problem is for couples who’ve been having sex and then it drops off to nothing or close to it.

You may justify this with things like being too tired or staying at work late to avoid being there when your partner goes to bed. Some parents will use snuggling with a child and then forget to leave before they fall asleep there.

Regardless of how you’re covering it, the lack of sexual intimacy in a relationship is a big sign that a relationship is over.

That’s a Wrap!

There are probably as many signs that a relationship is over as there are couples, but these are the signs that crop up most often.

What you may notice is that in many instances, if you’re both willing to seek counseling, the relationship can be turned around.

It all depends on how much you want the relationship to succeed and whether both of you are willing to seek that counseling. If one of you isn’t, it’s yet another one of the signs.

If you recognize some of these signs in your own relationship, it’s time to evaluate what it is you want for yourself, then communicate that with your partner. It’s very likely that he feels the same things you do are wrong and you can move forward from there.

Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations.

Men view finances, love, dating, dealing with difficult situations, and communication differently than women.

Inside this book, you’ll discover how to improve your relationships by understanding these differences and learning how to overcome them and use them to your advantage.

This isn’t about playing games. It’s about understanding what he’s thinking and how he’ll best understand you.

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What to do When Your Boyfriend is Controlling

Build Confidence, Find Happily Ever After

Do you know what to do when your boyfriend is controlling? Are you wondering how you can make this situation better?

People act in a controlling way for several reasons, most of which have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. For today’s purposes, we’re discussing a boyfriend who is controlling on occasion, but not 100% of the time.

Every relationship dynamic has its nuances. What worked for your parents or his might not work for the two of you. Your friends might have a relationship you just can’t figure out, but it’s working for them.

Recognizing whether your relationship is healthy and needs tweaking or is unhealthy is the goal of today’s post.

What You’ll Find Below

Do You Know if Your Boyfriend is Controlling?

He seems paranoid and insecure
He feels the need to criticize you – all the time
Threats and ultimatums are used to control your behavior
Your boyfriend is controlling you with social isolation
There is no trust
Your boyfriend is controlling you when he wants you to feel indebted to him
He’s gaslighting you
Your life is miserable when he doesn’t get his way
He’ll love you – conditionally
His favorite weapon is passive-aggressive behavior

Your Boyfriend is Controlling – Why is He Acting This Way?

He’s narcissistic
He has high anxiety
His self-esteem is low
He has difficulty trusting
He has a fear of abandonment

Your Boyfriend is Controlling – Now What?

Do You Know if Your Boyfriend is Controlling?

First, let’s look at whether the behaviors your boyfriend is exhibiting are truly controlling. It’s human nature to want to control your environment, but someone who wants to control everything all the time might have something going on.

He Seems Paranoid and Insecure

The need to be in control is almost always rooted in insecurity. Most often, these insecurities center around:

Physical appearance – yours or his
His job security or performance
How do others view the two of you
Whether you might be getting the attention of other men
If he’s getting enough respect

These insecurities were around long before you came on the scene, so none of this is your fault. His emotions and self-image are fragile, and those things built up over many years. You may find out he was bullied at home or in school, or he was always told he was worthless, nothing. It’s sad, but it happens.

What Does it Look Like?

If he’s doing any of these things, this might be the problem:

Judgmental of others
Jealousy of other men, constantly critiquing them
He tests and questions your loyalty to him
He’s always looking for validation
While he can dish out the criticism, he can’t take it…at all
He showers you with gifts, to make up for what he perceives to be his failings
He always imagines he’s being disrespected

What Can You Do?

If his insecurity is minimal, like his performance in bed, for example, you can reassure him that he’s doing a great job. Men worry a lot about this, so it’s pretty normal insecurity. He might also feel insecure about his job, especially if he’s bucking for a promotion. Assure him that you love him just as he is, promotion or not.

If he seems to be paranoid, always questioning if you’re cheating on him or if another guy looked at you with too much interest, it’s time to have a heart-to-heart chat. Choose a time when things are going well between you, not a time when tempers are already flaring. Then, sit him down and explain that you aren’t interested in another guy and his paranoia is causing a problem between you. If he can control himself and his emotions, he’ll see the light and try to fix it, but if he denies it or gets angry, this might be the time you say goodbye.

Understand that you can’t fix this. Yes, your words of reassurance might help, but he needs to fix his stuff. Many women try to step in and smother him with reassurance, affection and appeasing actions, but this won’t work. If he’s acting in the extreme, you need to establish boundaries and stick to them.

It’s not okay for him to put trackers on your phone and car. It’s not normal to allow him to read your texts and emails. If you want him to, that’s one thing, but it’s not something he can demand. It’s okay for you to say no and if he can’t accept no, it’s time to leave.

He Feels the Need to Criticize You – All the Time

It’s fine for someone to say, “I’m not sure that shade of blue is the best color for you, babe,” because it’s once in a while and, odd as it might seem coming from a guy, it’s still harmless.

When the criticisms are constant and are intended to cause you to change your behavior, it’s problematic. When someone criticizes you all the time, the goal isn’t to help you better yourself with a new shade of blue, it’s to make you feel small, dumb, incompetent, and helpless. Chances are he feels that way and he doesn’t want to be with someone who feels better about themselves than he does.

What Does it Look Like?

Again, one comment every now and then is fine, but it’s the constant criticisms that are a problem. They might include:

Criticizing your physical features – you’re fat, you need a nose job, your boobs are too small, that sort of thing
He criticizes the way you pronounce things; we all come from different places and words are pronounced differently, or we learned to pronounce them incorrectly; it’s all good and we learn from hearing others, but his need to constantly correct you is no good
Your cooking is a constant bone of contention; of course, it’s not that he wants to cook, but he always has criticisms for yours – too much salt, too bland, too spicy, it won’t matter what you do, it won’t be good enough
He forces you to question your decision-making and your intelligence; he’s doing it to himself too so why not make you feel bad as well
You can’t do anything right, ever

These types of criticisms are meant to pull your power away from you, but I encourage you not to give anyone power over you and how you feel about yourself. This is all on him.

What Can You Do?

There’s no way everything you do is wrong; don’t allow someone to make you think that about yourself.

When I coach women who’ve experienced a breakup, I know she needs confidence building, and this is why. Breakups bring out the worst in people; often one partner tries to make the other feel small, dumb, and incompetent. Never allow someone to have that kind of power in your life.

Don’t rationalize his bad behavior. There’s no rational explanation for it other than his insecurities. Don’t explain it away or think he’s right. Sure, you might not pronounce a word properly, but who cares? It doesn’t change who you are.

While he might say he’s trying to help you be a better person, it’s a lie. If he were truly being a loving partner, he would provide constructive criticism like, “While I love this dress on you, I think the emerald green one really brings out the color of your eyes. You should wear that one more often!”

“Don’t you ever wear that ugly red dress again. It makes you look fat!” This statement is not helpful or constructive. It’s mean and controlling.

Having an open discussion might help. The best time to discuss something difficult is when you’re both happy and things are going well. Explain that you can’t constantly change every small thing about yourself, and you feel that’s what he’s asking you to do. This discussion will probably contain a breakup discussion, so be prepared to raise that possibility.

Know that you aren’t the one who needs to change. While he might be telling you how inadequate you are, these are his feelings about himself. If you can’t do anything right as far as he’s concerned, you’re not the girl for him. Period.

He Uses Threats and Ultimatums to Control Your Behavior

You don’t need to be threatened or manipulated. Nobody does, but a controller may use threats and ultimatums to try to control you.

What Does it Look Like?

Often, the threats center around him breaking up with you if you don’t do something his way:

If you don’t stop hanging out with your work friends, I’ll break up with you
If you don’t agree to marry me, I’ll kill myself – it’s extreme, but I know of someone who got married for just this reason
You need to go out with me Saturday night or I’ll post crap about you on social media
If you don’t make my dinner on time, I won’t take you to work tomorrow

Some of these sound utterly ridiculous but notice that they’re all ways in which he might feel out of control of a situation. When you’re with your friends, he can’t control you because you aren’t there. If you don’t marry him, how can he keep controlling you? He doesn’t want to lose another relationship.

He wants you to go out with him so you aren’t going out with someone else. If you’re making dinner on time, he knows where you are and what you’re doing. It goes on and on.

What Can You Do?

Dealing with threats and ultimatums can be scary, depending on the thread or ultimatum being issued. Someone threatening your life should be extricated from your life immediately. For some of these other threats, there are things you can try.

First, don’t give in. If you want to hang with your friends from work, do it, and if he breaks up with you over it, see ya later pal. You might think that agreeing with him or giving in will make him stop, but he’ll just find something else since the first time worked well for him. All you’re doing is giving up power. Nothing more.

Next, and this is a hard one to read I know, understand that someone who’s issuing threats and ultimatums doesn’t love you. If he did love you, he would turn himself inside out to show his love for you. These behaviors aren’t loving. Not even a little bit.

Lastly, get out of the relationship. This isn’t a fixable situation. Find a friend, a family member, or, an authority figure who can help you safely remove yourself from this relationship. You deserve someone who truly loves you for the wonderful person you are.

Your Boyfriend is Controlling You with Social Isolation

This is a classic control move. It’s little things at first, and it seems sweet. He’ll say, “Gee Babe, I’d really appreciate it if you’d cancel your plans with Sarah and spend the evening with me.”

The next thing you know, you never have plans with any of your friends or family. He either lies to you about them to make you believe they don’t want to hang with you, or he makes sure you can’t hang out with them.

This is done to avoid other people knowing how controlling he either is now or plans to be. He doesn’t want someone telling you that he’s wrong. He wants you to hear his voice and only his. That way, he can control every single aspect of your life.

Many controllers will also keep you from working an outside job, going to church, or participating in any sort of social group. He doesn’t want anyone to see the vacant look that you have, indicating how much of you he’s already sucked away.

What Does it Look Like?

At first, he’ll just complain about how much time you’re spending away from him. Then, if that doesn’t work, he’ll move on to criticizing your friends and family members. His goal is to get you to distrust the people you should trust the most and those you’ll lean on as he gets worse.

Then, he’ll make you feel guilty if you speak to those people and may even exact punishment. He doesn’t want others to see how he’s treating you. He wants full control.

Finally, he’ll threaten to either physically hurt you or leave you if you continue to contact the people he’s deemed unacceptable. He hopes that he’s made you rely on him enough that the thread of living without him will scare you into submission.

What Can You Do?

Don’t believe what he says about your friends and family. He might say your sister doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, but that’s a lie to distance you from her.

Your only real option, aside from not believing his lies, is to leave the relationship. If he’s trying to distance yourself from the people most important to you, he doesn’t have any great plans for your life together other than for him to demand and for you to obey. Do you want to lose all the important people in your life to live with one controlling individual? No, of course not.

There is no Trust

Trust is at the root of a great relationship. It’s something you earn and then strive to keep between you. While it’s normal not to fully trust someone you just met, you should allow a partner to earn your trust and vice versa.

What happens with a controller, however, is that he can’t trust you or anyone else. If you say you’re going to have ice cream with your bestie and you see him drive by, he doesn’t trust you. Wanting your passwords to your phone and email is another sign of distrust.

The thing is you probably haven’t done anything for him to distrust you. These are his insecurities, not your actions that are driving his behavior. He knows he’s not good enough for a great woman like you. His confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem are very low, and he knows you can do better.

What Does it Look Like?

You say you’re out with your friends for a girls’ night and he calls, constantly, to check up on you. Or, he might have a friend of his happen to show up where you’re supposed to be.

He might drive by to see if you’re where you said you would be or put tracking devices or apps on your car and phone.

You might catch him eavesdropping on your phone conversations or standing over you while you text or compose emails. You may even notice cameras hidden around your home as a way for him to watch you.

What Can You Do?

While you might be able to have a conversation about this with him and get him to stop. It depends on the level of behavior he’s exhibiting.

Again, have this conversation when things are happy and good between you. Explain to him that he’s making you uncomfortable by constantly spying on you and asking him what you’ve done to make him distrust you.

If this isn’t happening often or if this is the only thing he’s doing, he might not even realize the impact it’s having. He gets anxious because he can’t see you. His insecurity about himself tells him you’re out there and other men can see how great you are. In his mind, he’s about to lose you.

He needs to work on things, but pointing out to him that every time he’s checked up on you, you were where you said you’d be might help him realize he’s distrusting you for no reason.

Also, don’t lie to him about where you are going. That just confirms what he believes. Don’t lie about who you’re going with either. If you’re going out with three of your friends, say so. Don’t say, “I’m going out with Meg” if you’re going out with Meg, Sarah, and Elle. If he’s looking for a reason to distrust you, he’ll see that as a lie.

Your Boyfriend is Controlling When He Wants You to Feel Indebted to Him

A relationship doesn’t involve currency. What I mean by that is that he can’t buy you flowers and expect sex in return. Just because he bought you new earrings doesn’t mean he gets to tell you what to do.

What Does it Look Like?

Currency in a relationship comes in all shapes and sizes. Usually, however, in a controlling situation, it involves him buying you something that’s either just what you’ve been wanting or uber extravagant.

Now, in his mind, you owe him something in return. This is a nifty way to make someone dependent on you. You won’t feel you can get out of the relationship because you feel too guilty. Look at all the stuff he’s gotten for you or the things he’s done for you.

Poppycock! Those are all control maneuvers meant to make you feel exactly that way!

Things you never owe another person include sex, time, and the ability to express your opinion without fear of retribution.

You control who, when, and where you have sex with him or anyone else. Always. There is never a time when you owe someone sex. Read that statement a few times so it sinks in.

Time is a precious commodity, and in a relationship, you should make time for one another, but not at the expense of your life outside the relationship. Don’t give up your relationships with friends, family, or coworkers in lieu of time with him. You both need to maintain outside relationships to be healthy together.

Finally, you have and are entitled to your own opinion, and you should be able to express it, as long as you’re being calm and reasonable, without fear of being harmed.

What Can You Do?

There isn’t a way to fix this. He’s attempting to take away your freedom and that’s not something you should ever give away to anyone.

He’s Gaslighting You

This term comes from a 1944 movie called Gaslight where a man tries to make his wife think she’s going insane so he can steal her fortune.

People do it today and it can really be harmful.

What Does it Look Like?

You won’t see gaslighting coming. Some, but not all who use this tactic are true narcissists and professionals at manipulating people to get their way.

An example of gaslighting might be if your partner agrees to meet you after work at a local hangout. You show up and wait, but he never shows. You call and text and he finally tells you that he never agreed to meet you. You know you made a date, but he’s making you second-guess yourself.

Another example is name-calling. It sounds basic, but this gets you to believe something about yourself that isn’t true. He might call you manic-depressive or crazy because you got a little moody. Since when did he get a license to diagnose?

He might question your decisions, and make you question them as well. Of course, he’ll shoot down any explanations you come up with, so don’t waste your time.

Anything a gaslighter does is meant to get you to question yourself and alter your perception of reality. In the movie, the man dims the lights, but when the woman asks if the lights just dimmed, he says no, making her believe she’s losing her mind.

What Can You Do?

Gaslighting is emotional abuse. Your only true recourse, once you realize what’s happening, is to end the relationship.

This is not a person who is invested in a relationship with you because he loves you. These aren’t loving behaviors.

Once you recognize that someone is doing this to you, and it’s probably been going on for months or even years, you stop sharing your thoughts and feelings with him. Disengage and work on getting out. He’ll continue to try and make you feel like you’re wrong and you’re crazy, but you aren’t. Sanity is beginning to emerge again for you and you’re seeing very clearly now.

He Makes Your Life Miserable when He Doesn’t Get His Way

If you stand up to a boyfriend who is controlling and go out with your girlfriends after he told you not to, expect the silent treatment or worse.

How dare you stand up to him! What on earth were you thinking?

What Does it Look Like?

It looks just like that. You did something that didn’t fit into his model for your life and he’s pouting. Other ways this might show up include:

Him flirting with other women if you don’t wear what he told you to on a date
Blaming you because he didn’t get the promotion he wanted
Any form of physical abuse for something he claims you did wrong

What Can You Do?

This is not a sign of a healthy and happy relationship. You can try to discuss his behavior with him by telling him that his revengeful behavior hurts you and your relationship. If this is the only thing he’s doing or if he’s just starting this behavior, he might recognize his bad behavior and try to stop.

More likely, he’ll refuse to discuss this with you because deep down, he knows he’s wrong. He’ll never admit it and therefore you won’t make any headway in having a discussion.

Your Boyfriend is Controlling When He’ll Love You – Conditionally

If a guy loves you, he loves you for who you are today and who he thinks you have the potential to become. Sometimes, when you meet someone, you can see they’re working toward something, and you can see their potential. That ambition can be sexy and attractive.

If a guy only loves you if you lose weight or if you stop going out with that one friend of yours, he doesn’t truly love you to begin with.

What Does it Look Like?

My friends would probably like you more if you were smarter
I’d love you more if you’d stop wearing your hair that way
I love you so much when you wear that skirt
If you took better care of yourself, you might be attractive

This way of trying to mold you into someone else is mean and abusive. Sure, he’s not physically hurting you, but emotional scars last longer. Someone saying this to you all the time makes it sink into your subconscious and you begin to say it to yourself.

What Can You Do?

When he says something like that to you, call him out on it. Make sure he knows that saying those things is hurtful. Be careful how you word things, though, or he’ll just have room to argue with you.

If you say, “I don’t like it when you call me fat”, he’ll just say that he doesn’t call you fat. Of course, he’s using other types of statements to call you fat, but that’s beside the point.

Instead, say, “Josh, when you tell me I look fat, it makes me feel really bad.” It’s harder to argue with a statement when you say it’s your feelings. He can’t tell you how you feel. Oh, he might try to, but it’s harder.

Hurtful statements like those aren’t loving and they aren’t meant to be. This is a direct attempt to make you feel as small and worthless as he does.

Your best option is usually to end the relationship. If you’re just there to help him feel a little bigger by making you feel small, you can do better! You deserve better!

His Favorite Weapon is Passive Aggressive Behavior

Ahh, an oldie but a goodie, passive-aggressive behavior is yet another way to control someone.

What Does it Look Like?

“This is my girlfriend, Stacy. She talks like a hillbilly but she’s a great gal. Heh heh heh.” Okay, so he just introduced you to his friends and injected a criticism disguised as a cute little joke. That’s passive-aggressive.

“Boy you sure can cook,” said right after you accidentally burned the rice with dinner. Sarcasm is another form of passive-aggressive behavior.

If something is followed by, “Hey, I’m just kidding,” know that he isn’t. It’s a criticism disguised as what he thought was a joke.

While this doesn’t seem to be a controlling behavior, what he’s doing is trying to make you feel badly about yourself, just like he does. He’s trying to control your self-esteem and self-worth and that’s the worst way to control someone.

What Can You Do?

This is another instance where you might be able to call him out on his behavior. “Hey Jim, when you introduced me to your friends and then said I talk like a hillbilly, I felt really embarrassed.” Again, by telling him how you felt, and not using an accusing tone, you change his ability to reply in a snide or hurtful way.

He wasn’t kidding and you both know it, as do his friends, who also probably felt embarrassed. He may come back and tell you to lighten up or learn to take a joke but keep pointing out to him how hurtful his comments are.

If he refuses to stop, he doesn’t respect or love you and it’s time to end things.

Your Boyfriend is Controlling | Why is He Acting This Way?

He’s Narcissistic

Narcissism is not a choice people make but an actual psychological diagnosis. NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder affects many people and hinders their ability to have healthy relationships.

Many narcissists carry a higher-than-average opinion of themselves. They believe they’re more important than everyone else, more powerful, more intelligent, more capable, and so on. To make sure you believe it, they’ll exaggerate their accomplishments and abilities.

This type of person needs to make sure you know how special and unique he is, compared to other men. Of course, since he’s so special and unique, there’s no way you can understand him. He’s too far above you and everyone else for that to happen.

He needs lots of praise and positive attention, to be sure you know how important and special he is. He feels that he deserves special treatment. For example, if you go to a restaurant, he might feel he should always get the best table.

His need for personal gain outweighs everything else, so he takes advantage of people and situations to make sure they benefit him. His goals are the only important goals. He might use tactics like telling lies about someone to make sure they don’t get what he wants, or he may treat someone very badly.

Unable to see your needs or connect with you on an emotional level, he’ll come off as lacking compassion or selfish. He also envisions himself in competition with, well, everyone. He imagines that people envy him for all his great traits and that they’re jealous of him.

Most of those are signs of what professionals call overt narcissism. Covert narcissism is a little harder to detect. Those behaviors include:

Anxiety
Insecurity
Being overly sensitive, unable to handle criticism
Feeling defensive
Acting withdrawn or depressed

He Has High Anxiety

Anxiety is a symptom of many other disorders, but it’s at the root of controlling behavior. There is a strong need to control their surroundings and maintain some sense of order, however harmful and ineffective their efforts truly are.

Many people experience anxiety every day and there are varying degrees and abilities to cope with it. When hurricane Ian came through Florida, I had a lot of anxiety about being able to get there and check on my mom. I managed my anxiety easily and was able to get down there to help her without issues. That’s normal anxiety. You don’t know what you’re facing, and your mind plays out scenarios.

Often, when we’re otherwise healthy, we recognize what’s happening and put a stop to it.

Still, for some, anxiety is crippling and can force them into undesirable behaviors, like being a controlling boyfriend.

He Has Low Self-Esteem

When your self-esteem is low, you don’t think good thoughts about yourself. You don’t value yourself or even like yourself.

If your boyfriend has low self-esteem, he thinks very little of himself. He believes he’s not worthy of you and is in constant fear that two things will happen.

First, you’ll figure out what a schmuck he is, and second, you’ll leave him because he’s a loser. That fear or insecurity drives him to try extra hard to keep you from discovering he’s the person he believes himself to be and leaving him.

His low self-esteem also makes him sensitive to what he might perceive as attacks. You might say something you don’t think of as mean or harmful, but due to his low self-esteem, he takes it that way. The problem is that he already thinks those things about himself, but hearing someone else verbalize them brings his insecurities to life and confirms his beliefs about himself.

He Has Difficulty Trusting

If your boyfriend is controlling, he probably has difficulty trusting people. Someone in his past broke his trust in all people so much that he finds it difficult to trust anyone now.

It doesn’t matter what you think you’ve done to earn his trust; he can’t give it so it’s never enough.

Trust issues usually stem from something that happened in childhood, although not always. Someone close to him broke his trust and did a good job of it. His trust was shattered to the point where he decided nobody can be trusted, regardless of what they said or did.

This is something he can work on and overcome, with professional guidance, but it’s not something you can fix.

He Has a Fear of Abandonment

Imagine you’re a young child and someone very important to you leaves, either by death or physical separation. A mother dies, a father leaves the home never to be seen again, or something similar.

This creates a fear that everyone important to you leaves and never comes back. It’s not logical, but your young mind can’t yet figure out the logic behind death or separation.

You grow up and your grandparents die. Your dog runs away and never returns. A favorite teacher doesn’t return the following year. These things all shore up your belief that people leave and never come back.

If your boyfriend is controlling, this might be part of the issue. He lost one or more important people or even animals in his life and he’s developed a fear of abandonment. This displays in the same way low self-esteem does. He lives in constant fear that you’ll leave, just like everyone else in his past.

Again, this is something he can work on and overcome, with professional guidance. And again, it’s not something you can fix.

Your Boyfriend is Controlling | Now What?

The bottom line is that if your boyfriend is controlling, he needs to take a relationship break and work on himself if he’s willing. Some people are and some aren’t. Some controlling individuals grew up in a similar environment to the one they’ve created, and they don’t see their own failings.

Either way, it’s time for you to exit the situation. In many instances, if he does some work with a professional counselor, he can overcome the issues. But this is like alcoholism. He must first be able to see that he has a problem that requires help.

More people than you can imagine grow up believing that mental problems are poppycock and don’t exist, therefore you’ll never get them to seek help. Other people can see that they have an issue if you bring it up during a time when you’re getting along, and things are good.

As you learned above, how you approach a conversation is mostly about the words you use. Discuss how his behavior makes you feel without using accusatory language.

“Bob, it makes me feel angry when you call me names” instead of, “Stop calling me names! It’s mean and rude.” It’s hard for someone to argue with how you feel, but he for sure can argue with whether he thinks he was mean and rude.

Don’t you think you’ve dated enough losers? Isn’t it time to find a great guy to date? Maybe you think you already have!

This book will help you know for sure! You’ll go in-depth on the good and bad qualities to look for in a man so you an know for sure.

End the guessing game and Weed out the Users!

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What Attracts a Man to a Woman?

Build a Great Relationship, Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

What attracts a man to a woman? It’s a pretty basic question, right? And it’s a very important question as well!

The better question, however, is do you know the answer?

If you did know it, oh boy would your dating life suddenly get a lot easier! But, most women aren’t taught these things growing up, so I’m afraid you probably don’t know the answer.

Until now.

Let me help you crawl into the minds of me and my friends, a bunch of successful good guys who regularly hang out together. A few of my friends are shy and a few are extroverted. We’re all looking for the woman of our dreams. What will attract us to you?

You Stand Above the Crowd

I’m not talking about how tall you are, but rather how authentic you are. This is very nearly your most important job when you go out on the hunt for a guy.

How do you stand out? First, be yourself and wear your confidence like a badge of honor. Your body language is the first signal to every man in the room that you either have or lack confidence. Stand tall with your shoulders straight, not slumped. Make eye contact with people instead of hiding behind sunglasses or hair.

Next, be yourself. Just because all your friends are wearing skinny jeans with a blouse and four-inch heels doesn’t mean you must do the same. If you’re more comfortable in a skirt and flats, go for it. Heck, wear your tie dye skirt and Birkenstocks if you want. If that’s who you are, tell the world!

Other ways to stand out include:

Wear a bright scarf or hat
Dance in place alone for a second or two
Put five umbrellas in your drink and one in your hair
Order a cocktail served uniquely

These things all provide a guy with an opportunity to strike up a conversation. This is important for the shy guys!

Show You’re Having a Great Time

A woman who is laughing and having a great time is a guy magnet. Don’t fake it, but show that you’re enjoying yourself. People are attracted to others who look like they’re having fun!

When you show you’re having fun, it tells others that you have a positive, upbeat personality and this is attractive to men. If you’re sitting there, sulking or hiding behind your hair, guys aren’t interested. Any guy you attract will be the wrong guy – a player or a loser.

What Attracts a Man to a Woman? Body Language!

Your body language tells every man in the room everything he needs to know about you before he decides to approach. Good posture indicates confidence. Making eye contact with others in the room says you’re a confident woman. Smiling shows that positive personality.

These women don’t get approached by players and losers because they know you’re out of their league, but confident men are interested. If you see a guy who interests you, make eye contact and smile, then look away. Be sure to look back a few seconds later, but don’t be a creeper. Look away again.

When you manage to pass by this guy, brush up against him, by accident. Just a subtle touch will be enough to signal to him that he can approach.

Manage Your Group

While it’s nice to huddle together and whisper, it doesn’t give any men the opportunity to approach. They don’t know where they would be able to join you.

Instead, leave some space between you, and if your friends run off to the bathroom, don’t take that opportunity to get on your phone. Make sure there’s space beside you for a man to approach. He’s been waiting for this moment for a while and it’s here. Don’t shut him out!

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

This might be difficult for you if you’re introverted or a little low on dating confidence. Many of my books can help you with the confidence part. I encourage you not to try too hard to change the introvert part. It’s who you are.

Okay, that said, here’s how this works.

Now I understand this might be tough if you are introverted, shy, or lack confidence. The confidence I can fix. I’m a life coach and that’s what my books are all about if I may add.

If you walk by a guy eating sushi or something rare say, “You know, a skilled veterinarian could bring that back to life!” Yes, its’ silly but it’s funny and he’ll love it.

If you struggle with being funny, watch some comedians and their deliveries. Pick up some tips and be ready the next time you’re out.

These same canned lines, when delivered by men, crash and burn but when a woman delivers them, they’re unexpected and men love it!

What Attracts a Man to a Woman? She Approaches Him

Few women approach men, and that’s sad because it’s a great move on your part! Much like delivering a one-liner, it’s unexpected and that makes it great.

While a man is sometimes afraid of being rejected if he approaches, often for a good reason, the odds of a woman being rejected are pretty slim. Men don’t often reject women. They’re more ego-driven and there’s nothing better to boost a guys ego than a woman approaching him!

You don’t need a one-liner. Just say “Hi” or “Can I buy you a drink?” A fun line is, “I’m considering you as my next boyfriend.” Smile and laugh as you deliver your message, just like comedians do. He’ll love it. Even if he’s got a woman in his life, he’ll at least respond favorably.

Don’t Bar Hop

You’ve done some or all of the things above and then you and your friends up and leave. What the heck? Some man had just mustered up enough courage to approach and you vanished.

If you want to meet a great guy, stay at the same place until you’re ready to go home. If you want to check out another bar, go next weekend. Some men need time to prepare themselves to approach, especially shy guys.

I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times. A friend of mine was ready to approach a woman he’d become attracted to and BAM! She and her friends pay the check and leave.

What Attracts a Man to a Woman? A Great Story

Once you’ve attracted a great guy, it’s time to work on keeping him around. This begins with your story. What is your story?

It’s the culmination of your life experiences. It’s what makes you the unique individual you are today. This doesn’t mean you tell a guy your entire life story! You don’t, at least not immediately. Let him uncover it, bit by bit.

Your job is to cultivate that story. Think about your life and the experiences you’ve had so far. Did you travel to Europe as a kid or invent something cool in science class? Do you volunteer somewhere or do you have a unique hobby?

Any hobby is probably fodder for an interesting story. Men are often mystified by how you make things. Sometimes your hobby reminds him of his mom or another treasured female in his life. This is a bonus!

Your story also includes anything you’re passionate about. People’s faces light up when they talk about something they’re passionate about. It’s like a magnet for the person they’re talking to. They immediately become excited about the topic too.

If you fear your story isn’t so great right now, it’s time to get out there and start writing. Find a hobby. Become passionate about something. Go on an adventure. Travel, even if it’s just across the state line. Experience life and then prepare to share those experiences with men who are interested in you.

How the Male System Works

What attracts a man to a woman?

You’ve done your part, now it’s time for him to do his. But what do most guys do?

First, they look for the right opportunity to make a move. Often, the time is when their friend goes to the restroom. He doesn’t want to get shot down in front of his friends, so he waits until they’re away.

Alternatively, he might wait for you to be alone or at least for a spot to open up next to you. He doesn’t want to feel awkward, so if there’s an empty space, he’s more comfortable.

Remember, guys are just as clumsy as you think you are and more. They are just as intimidated by the whole singles scene as you are. Their confidence might be lacking, like yours.

The male system sucks, but it’s all they have so please, please, make it easy on them by understanding the system. Once you do, you’ll attract lots of great men!

Here are just a couple of things you’ll learn inside this best-seller:

Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction…learn why inside
Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal…but what signal? Learn inside the book
You can get a guy to feel like he’s falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

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Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend?

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Just by asking the question, should I breakup with my boyfriend, you must already be clued in that something is wrong. Your intuition is pinging.

The obvious reasons for breaking up with someone include drug and alcohol addiction, as well as an addiction to pornography, infidelity, or abuse.

But what are some less obvious answers to the question, should I breakup with my boyfriend? Let’s look at a few.

You Aren’t Growing Together

We grow in maturity and intellectual abilities throughout our lives, but we don’t all do it at the same rate.

As a couple, you can grow by trying new things together. Try new types of ethnic food, working out together or traveling to new places. Choose a hobby to work on together or read books together.

You try together and you learn what works and what doesn’t. Have fun and build deeper intimacy. You’re a team who can take on the world! Building memories together helps your relationship stay fresh and fun.

Grow as an individual by exploring new things on your own. Try a new hairstyle or color. Perhaps you decide your old wardrobe doesn’t reflect who you are any longer. You might explore a new hobby or a passion you have. Reading is a great way to grow and there are millions of self-help books available if that’s what you want.

You’ll know you aren’t growing together in a couple ways. One of you may feel bored. Sex is non-existent, and you find yourselves arguing more than doing things together.

You may feel as if one of you is being left behind. You’re out there trying new things and he’s sitting at home playing video games with his friends all night.

You ask, “Should I breakup with my boyfriend?” The answer depends.

Your gut is already telling you to consider breaking up, but this is also fixable. If you think you can talk to him about it, invite him to explore something new with you and see if he’s agreeable. You might be able to fix it if you can find your way back to growth that supports one another instead of leaves one behind.

You’re Two Very Different People Now

This feels like the last one, but it isn’t the same. Sometimes, people get together, and the chemistry is so hot that you just launch yourselves into a relationship. The sex is great, and that chemistry keeps you together, but not forever. Chemistry only gets you so far. Great sex doesn’t make a relationship and it isn’t the same as intimacy.

Intimacy comes from doing things you both enjoy, together. It’s those afternoons picking apples or painting the living room that pull you closer together. It’s the time when he was sick and you brought him some chicken soup, then stayed to help clean up and maybe watch a little Netflix.

You may discover that he’s not an animal person, but you love your Great Dane and can’t imagine parting with her. He could be very outdoorsy while you prefer to stay in. One of you could be very social while the other prefers to stay at home.

These aren’t things you discover when all you’re working with is hot chemistry. They’re the day-to-day things that start to pile up. It keeps you both from living the life you enjoy because you feel an obligation to do everything together.

None of this makes either of you bad people, it just means you need to work through it or find someone new. You ask me, “Gregg, should I breakup with my boyfriend?”

My answer is this. Have you even discussed what’s bothering you yet? It’s possible he too is feeling the problem but is afraid to approach you.

Talking will solve this one way or the other. You’ll either find a way to work through your differences or you’ll decide it’s better to find someone else.

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend if One or Both of Us Has Changed?

Sometimes you go into a relationship thinking you know what you want, only to find out later that you’re wrong. This happens to both men and women, and it doesn’t make either of you wrong or bad. It just means you’ve figured some stuff out about yourself and you aren’t the same person.

Many things happen to cause change in either direction – for the better or for the worse.

One of you may experience the loss of a loved one and you’re having trouble finding your way out of the sadness. You may have decided you want to start a family soon, but he doesn’t want kids. It’s something you discussed peripherally before but now, you’re serious and so is he.

For men, the loss of a job or financial status can be a very hard blow, one women don’t often understand. It can send a guy into a tailspin.

Whatever the cause and whichever of you has changed isn’t the issue. The issue is that you don’t feel compatible any longer and there’s nothing wrong with that. What would be wrong is to continue as if nothing problematic was happening.

Instead of asking, should I breakup with my boyfriend, sit down and discuss your differences. If it seems that a breakup is in order, then do it. There’s nothing wrong with ending a relationship if it isn’t the right one for you.

Are You Ready to End it?

Not all breakups are initiated by a man. If you're ready to end this relationship, go for it. Only you know whether you're happy and if the relationship is fulfilling your needs. It's possible that he feels the same way but you're both afraid to take that step. It's okay. Read some of the other articles on the subject by clicking below. They're here to help.

The Dreaded Mid-Life Crisis

Everyone talks about men wanting convertibles, younger women, and a full head of hair but women have mid-life crises as well.

You feel as if there’s something in your life you can’t fulfill in your current relationship. Your fight or flight has kicked in and flight seems the proper response.

Fight or flight is a result of anxious thinking. You’re worried about something that will or won’t happen in the future and you’re afraid that if you don’t exit the relationship right now, you won’t be able to either make something happen or avoid something else.

You might feel as if you missed out on part of your youth because you started getting into serious relationships at a young age and have stayed in them since. Now, you find yourself wanting to go back and experience those things.

Instead of asking, should I breakup with my boyfriend, the question to ask is if you need to explore and experience alone or can your boyfriend tag along? If you really think you need to do this alone, explain it to him and maybe you can come to some sort of arrangement.

You never know until you try!

What I encourage you not to do is ignore this feeling, while at the same time helping you understand that you can’t recapture your youth and there are some experiences that are better left behind you, whether you got to enjoy them or not.

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend over Outside Influences?

In this category you find things like religion and politics. As you age and mature, you might find that you’ve grown apart in an important area of life. You might have shifted your beliefs in one direction or another and he went the other way.

It’s okay to be different in these areas of life. The question is can you live with your boyfriend being a Democrat if you’re a staunch Republican? Can you date someone who doesn’t believe in God if you have strong Christian beliefs? Couples do live together in these circumstances. They agree to disagree and leave those topics of discussion off the table.

Another outside influence can be an ex, especially if shared custody of children, or even animals, is involved. Often when two different families are parenting children, there are vast differences. Children come home from one home to the other and must adjust to different rules and parenting styles.

This can really do a number on any relationship and it’s not good for the kids either. Here, the best path forward, if possible, would be to work with the ex you’re sharing custody with and see if you can work out those parenting issues, for the kids, not for your relationship. Your relationship is a side problem.

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend?

As you’ve read, there are several different situations which can place a strain on a relationship, but most of them are things you can work through if you can talk to one another.

On the other hand, your gut might be telling you it’s time to get out and you can’t find the reason in any of these situations.

In that case, it’s probably best to sit down and agree to a split. There’s no reason to be ugly or unkind to one another. You’ve just come to a point where your relationship doesn’t work any longer. The mature adult thing to do is end it well and keep a friend, or at least avoid making an enemy.

How to Get Over a Breakup

He’s Gone Now What provides you the tools to heal and move forward into a new relationship in a healthy and confident way. You can begin your healing journey today!

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Why Taking a Relationship Break is the Right Course of Action

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I know what you’re thinking. Taking a relationship break means losing him for good. Out of sight out of mind. I’m better off asking him to seek counseling and making it clear I’ll try harder.

No.

It’s better to encourage the breakup he’s already considering. Yes, you read that right. Encourage the breakup!

What? How? Why?

If you’re considering taking a relationship break, you already know it’s coming.

The more you hang on, the worse things will be. The relationship is in a downward spiral and taking a break is just what the doctor ordered!

While You’re Taking a Relationship Break, His Anger Subsides

Men consider breaking up when they hold so much anger and contempt that they just can’t take it any longer. He’s in no position to even think about counseling right now. He just wants out.

Fine. Let him out!

While this scares the heck out of you, it’s the best thing you can do to save your relationship. He needs time to move past these negative feelings toward you and your relationship.

Resist the urge to beg him back or use angry texts, tears or other methods you think will work. They won’t. They’ll serve to confirm what he’s already thinking. He needs to get out of this relationship and now!

While you’re taking a relationship break, there are things you can do to help him feel better about you and your relationship. But first, he needs time to allow his negative feelings to subside.

Once His Anger Subsides, He Misses You

If your relationship went on for any length of time past a few months, you have positive memories together. Once his anger and negative feelings subside, he recalls those good times. This is especially true if his singles life isn’t going as well as he’d hoped it would. It rarely does.

You can help him recall those good memories by employing a couple of great tools: the letter and slip in/slip out. You can learn more about these in my book, Ex Back: The Five Step Process to Get Him Back.

If you’re ready to work toward getting your ex back, you need to read How to Get Your Ex Back Fast. This book has been around for a few years and it’s helped thousands of women get their ex back. You’ll learn the importance of getting him back indirectly and you’ll learn what that means. This book is full of advice to help you get him back fast. To buy the book, click on one of the buttons below. To learn more about it, click here.

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As You’re Taking a Relationship Break, He Can Fix His Stuff

You probably aren’t aware of how negative life events impact men, but they do. The problem is that many men aren’t emotionally equipped to manage the emotions from dealing with those events.

You don’t see how not getting that promotion is such a big deal, but to him, it’s huge. While you’re happy he’s finally completing his divorce, it’s done a number on his emotions and he’s struggling.

Your natural instinct to nurture him is making things worse, even though that isn’t your intention. When men experience something this emotional, they need time to lick their wounds. Alone. While most women seek out another person to talk to in times like this, men retreat into themselves.

He needs this time to solve the problem he’s facing. He needs to navigate the emotions, deal with the lawyers or custody issues or find a new job. While women can multi-task, men cannot.

By taking a relationship break, you provide the opportunity for him to deal with his stuff. Chances are, he’ll come back once he has everything solved.

You Have Time to Rebuild Your Confidence

When a relationship is in a downward spiral, confidence slides right down with it. While you’re taking a relationship break, you can rebuild your confidence. Not only is this great for you, but it will entice him back as well.

Instead of worrying about how you’ll survive without him, take this time to become that strong, independent woman I know you can be!

That’s probably the woman he fell in love with and now, you’re bringing her back! Even if he doesn’t act like he knows what you’re up to, trust me, he does. He’s asking friends and he’s sneaking a peek whenever he can.

It you’d like help rebuilding your confidence, you can take this confidence course!

You Can Grow and Change for the Better

There’s no better time to improve yourself than while you’re single and yes, while you’re taking a relationship break, you’re single.

Use this time to find yourself again. What hobbies do you enjoy? What friendships have fallen away since your relationship with him began?

What kind of eggs do you like? (Movie reference: Runaway Bride! Watch it and learn how important that is!)

Too often, people change themselves to become who they think their partner wants them to be. In the process, they lose sight of who they really are. It’s a shame really, because your guy fell for the person you were before you started changing.

Find her again! You may think that spending time making candles is time you should be spending with him, but let him do his own thing. Don’t worry about enjoying a girls’ night with your friends. Encourage him to hang with his buddies.

While You’re Taking a Relationship Break, You Can Assess the Relationship

While the two of you are taking a relationship break, assess the relationship. What was good? What wasn’t? What role did you play in the need to take a break? What was his role?

When the two of you get back together, issues from the past need to be addressed. If you were too clingy, that’s something to work on. If he did things you don’t like, he needs to change those.

Getting back together after taking a relationship break means starting a new relationship. It isn’t a continuation of the old relationship, which was broken beyond repair. That’s why these steps are so important!

For your new relationship to be successful and fulfilling, changes are required. If the two of you get back together without any changes, you’ll reach the same bitter outcome. Perhaps the two of you have broken up and reconciled more than once already.

It’s time to break the pattern and the only way to do that is to take an honest look at the relationship.

As you build your confidence and rejoin your singles life, you’ll find the strength to do this.

You Can Fix Your Part in the Relationship

An honest assessment of your relationship results in some areas of improvement you need to explore.

Now that you see what your role was, you can fix it. This comes easily as you rebuild your confidence, since many of the things that happened probably resulted from low confidence to begin with.

When You’re Taking a Relationship Break, You Win, Regardless

It’s difficult to imagine right now, but it’s possible that you’ll decide you don’t want your guy back. As your confidence grows and you explore who you are and what you enjoy, you might find that he isn’t it.

It happens more often than you think because you’re thinking with a clear head. Your confidence enables you to remove your rose colored glasses and see him for who he is. He might not be the right guy for you any longer.

That’s okay! Because you’ve rebuild your confidence, you’re a great guy magnet! Take that confidence for a spin with a good friend and you’ll be surprised!

On the other hand, your relationship may be worth saving! You may decide that you still want him back and he’s overcome his negative feelings. He’s missing you and responding to your slip in/slip out texts positively.

What if You Take Him Back?

If your ex comes back and you’ve made the positive changes above, your new relationship will be off to a great start! There may still be a bit of a bumpy road, but you made changes that attracted him back and hopefully he did too.

This is a game-changer. Instead of allowing the relationship to go up in flames, you put out the fire with confidence, self-care, and looking inward.

What if You Move On?

Should you decide he’s not the guy for you, you’re in a great position to find someone new. The trick is to maintain your confidence, your independence, your hobbies, and your friends. When you meet a new guy, don’t give up Yoga class or pottery to spend more time with him. Keep doing what you did before you met.

Jealousy and a fear of losing a guy come from low confidence, but if you stick to your singles life activities, you’ll maintain a high level of confidence.

No More Worrying about Taking a Relationship Break!

By now, you realize that taking a relationship break is the best thing you can do for yourself and your future relationship, whether it’s with this guy or another.

The only way you lose him for good is if you decide he’s no longer worthy of a great woman like you!

Encourage the breakup. Let him go try his singles life. Meanwhile, work on yourself and allow him time to overcome his negative feelings. Give him time to miss you and want you back.

If you follow the advice above, everything you do will be the opposite of what he expects. This alone will pique his interest, and that’s always a good thing!

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