I know what you’re thinking. Taking a relationship break means losing him for good. Out of sight out of mind. I’m better off asking him to seek counseling and making it clear I’ll try harder.
It’s better to encourage the breakup he’s already considering. Yes, you read that right. Encourage the breakup!
What? How? Why?
If you’re considering taking a relationship break, you already know it’s coming.
The more you hang on, the worse things will be. The relationship is in a downward spiral and taking a break is just what the doctor ordered!
While You’re Taking a Relationship Break, His Anger Subsides
Men consider breaking up when they hold so much anger and contempt that they just can’t take it any longer. He’s in no position to even think about counseling right now. He just wants out.
Fine. Let him out!
While this scares the heck out of you, it’s the best thing you can do to save your relationship. He needs time to move past these negative feelings toward you and your relationship.
Resist the urge to beg him back or use angry texts, tears or other methods you think will work. They won’t. They’ll serve to confirm what he’s already thinking. He needs to get out of this relationship and now!
While you’re taking a relationship break, there are things you can do to help him feel better about you and your relationship. But first, he needs time to allow his negative feelings to subside.
Once His Anger Subsides, He Misses You
If your relationship went on for any length of time past a few months, you have positive memories together. Once his anger and negative feelings subside, he recalls those good times. This is especially true if his singles life isn’t going as well as he’d hoped it would. It rarely does.
You can help him recall those good memories by employing a couple of great tools: the letter and slip in/slip out. You can learn more about these in my book, Ex Back: The Five Step Process to Get Him Back.
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As You’re Taking a Relationship Break, He Can Fix His Stuff
You probably aren’t aware of how negative life events impact men, but they do. The problem is that many men aren’t emotionally equipped to manage the emotions from dealing with those events.
You don’t see how not getting that promotion is such a big deal, but to him, it’s huge. While you’re happy he’s finally completing his divorce, it’s done a number on his emotions and he’s struggling.
Your natural instinct to nurture him is making things worse, even though that isn’t your intention. When men experience something this emotional, they need time to lick their wounds. Alone. While most women seek out another person to talk to in times like this, men retreat into themselves.
He needs this time to solve the problem he’s facing. He needs to navigate the emotions, deal with the lawyers or custody issues or find a new job. While women can multi-task, men cannot.
By taking a relationship break, you provide the opportunity for him to deal with his stuff. Chances are, he’ll come back once he has everything solved.
You Have Time to Rebuild Your Confidence
When a relationship is in a downward spiral, confidence slides right down with it. While you’re taking a relationship break, you can rebuild your confidence. Not only is this great for you, but it will entice him back as well.
Instead of worrying about how you’ll survive without him, take this time to become that strong, independent woman I know you can be!
That’s probably the woman he fell in love with and now, you’re bringing her back! Even if he doesn’t act like he knows what you’re up to, trust me, he does. He’s asking friends and he’s sneaking a peek whenever he can.
It you’d like help rebuilding your confidence, you can take this confidence course!
You Can Grow and Change for the Better
There’s no better time to improve yourself than while you’re single and yes, while you’re taking a relationship break, you’re single.
Use this time to find yourself again. What hobbies do you enjoy? What friendships have fallen away since your relationship with him began?
What kind of eggs do you like? (Movie reference: Runaway Bride! Watch it and learn how important that is!)
Too often, people change themselves to become who they think their partner wants them to be. In the process, they lose sight of who they really are. It’s a shame really, because your guy fell for the person you were before you started changing.
Find her again! You may think that spending time making candles is time you should be spending with him, but let him do his own thing. Don’t worry about enjoying a girls’ night with your friends. Encourage him to hang with his buddies.
While You’re Taking a Relationship Break, You Can Assess the Relationship
While the two of you are taking a relationship break, assess the relationship. What was good? What wasn’t? What role did you play in the need to take a break? What was his role?
When the two of you get back together, issues from the past need to be addressed. If you were too clingy, that’s something to work on. If he did things you don’t like, he needs to change those.
Getting back together after taking a relationship break means starting a new relationship. It isn’t a continuation of the old relationship, which was broken beyond repair. That’s why these steps are so important!
For your new relationship to be successful and fulfilling, changes are required. If the two of you get back together without any changes, you’ll reach the same bitter outcome. Perhaps the two of you have broken up and reconciled more than once already.
It’s time to break the pattern and the only way to do that is to take an honest look at the relationship.
As you build your confidence and rejoin your singles life, you’ll find the strength to do this.
You Can Fix Your Part in the Relationship
An honest assessment of your relationship results in some areas of improvement you need to explore.
Now that you see what your role was, you can fix it. This comes easily as you rebuild your confidence, since many of the things that happened probably resulted from low confidence to begin with.
When You’re Taking a Relationship Break, You Win, Regardless
It’s difficult to imagine right now, but it’s possible that you’ll decide you don’t want your guy back. As your confidence grows and you explore who you are and what you enjoy, you might find that he isn’t it.
It happens more often than you think because you’re thinking with a clear head. Your confidence enables you to remove your rose colored glasses and see him for who he is. He might not be the right guy for you any longer.
That’s okay! Because you’ve rebuild your confidence, you’re a great guy magnet! Take that confidence for a spin with a good friend and you’ll be surprised!
On the other hand, your relationship may be worth saving! You may decide that you still want him back and he’s overcome his negative feelings. He’s missing you and responding to your slip in/slip out texts positively.
What if You Take Him Back?
If your ex comes back and you’ve made the positive changes above, your new relationship will be off to a great start! There may still be a bit of a bumpy road, but you made changes that attracted him back and hopefully he did too.
This is a game-changer. Instead of allowing the relationship to go up in flames, you put out the fire with confidence, self-care, and looking inward.
What if You Move On?
Should you decide he’s not the guy for you, you’re in a great position to find someone new. The trick is to maintain your confidence, your independence, your hobbies, and your friends. When you meet a new guy, don’t give up Yoga class or pottery to spend more time with him. Keep doing what you did before you met.
Jealousy and a fear of losing a guy come from low confidence, but if you stick to your singles life activities, you’ll maintain a high level of confidence.
No More Worrying about Taking a Relationship Break!
By now, you realize that taking a relationship break is the best thing you can do for yourself and your future relationship, whether it’s with this guy or another.
The only way you lose him for good is if you decide he’s no longer worthy of a great woman like you!
Encourage the breakup. Let him go try his singles life. Meanwhile, work on yourself and allow him time to overcome his negative feelings. Give him time to miss you and want you back.
If you follow the advice above, everything you do will be the opposite of what he expects. This alone will pique his interest, and that’s always a good thing!