Date Great Men Archives

The Top 5 Biggest Challenges of Dating During the Holidays

The holidays aren’t always that merry. Dating during the holidays can add some strain to a relationship—especially if the couple doesn’t team up to address them.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the holidays. Lots of great food, you see your friends and family more often, and the gifts are definitely a perk. Brandy and eggnog, anyone?

But it’s stressful, too. And particularly for relationships. This blog will address the big 5 challenges that couples are hit with during the holidays. None of these will outright kill off a relationship. But when they’re all taken together, it makes for a not-so-jolly season.

Holiday Challenge #1: Bloated Expectations

We all grew up seeing Christmas in a unique way. Traditions were created, some that we still cherish very much. But when a couple comes together and one wants a real tree and the other wants a fake one, it can cause a rift that only gets wider. It hurts when the person you love doesn’t cherish the things that you cherish.

And these expectations go far beyond whether or not to get a real tree. Some couples need to see EVERYONE they know, and demand their significant other come with them. Other couples have different ideas about how they want their children to view Christmas.

Solution: Talk. It’s the single most important thing you can do here. Talk about what you want for Christmas, and what he wants. Compromise and find a way you can make your own traditions while following the ones you had growing up.

Holiday Challenge #2: Making the Rounds with Family and Friends

Meeting your own family for the holidays be time consuming, stressful, and no fun at all. Mix a visit with your in-laws into that equation and you’ve got plenty more reasons to feel overwhelmed. Traveling during the holidays sucks. But for some people, it’s the only time of the year they see family. No option exists to not go.

And on top of that, you have Christmas party after Christmas party. You need to put in face time with your significant other’s friends. All taken together this can be immensely stressful for both parties.

Solution: If you both need to fly to meet family, try an every-other-year approach. You see his in 2015, he sees yours in 2016. This may mean you’ll have to see your family at a different time during the year, but it can instantly eliminate stress if things are getting out of hand. That, and cut back on your party schedule if it’s something you both want.

Holiday Challenge #3: Expenses, Expenses and More Expenses

Traveling expenses, party expenses and gift expenses, on TOP of what you normally have to deal with. Guys especially will stress out about all the money they’re spending. Seriously, you don’t need to hit credit limits and deplete savings accounts every time you hear jingle bells. That is not what the season is all about.

Solution: Draw a line in the sand. Map out how much you need for travel and put it aside. Agree on a set amount of money you’ll both spend on gifts (for EVERYONE you know) and stick to it. Again, put it aside. Lastly, look for ways to cut back on holiday party spending. If you have to buy the plastic bottom shelf whisky and forgo the top shelf stuff, then do it. Will it kill your guests? Put it into a decanter. Even crappy alcohol tastes better from a decanter (even a cheap decanter.)

Holiday Challenge #4: Not Enough Time

It’s inevitable: you’re going to run out of time…for everything. There are too many parties, too much stuff to buy, traffic is too slow, and lines are too long. Pretty soon couples are blowing up at each other over the smallest thing. They’re stressed and sick of each other.

Solution: shop online if you’re not already. Don’t even leave the house if you don’t have to. Divvy up the holiday chores, both of you take a Tuesday off, and get it all done at 10:00 A.M. while all the suckers are at work. Proper planning goes a LONG way here.

Holiday Challenge #5: Gifts

I discuss the challenge of gifts in last week’s blog here. It was written with new couples in mind, but the rules apply just as much for new couples as it does for established ones.

Solution: Keep the price reasonable, make the gift something simple, and don’t overthink it. Talk to your significant other and figure out a gift plan, for each other and for everyone else you know.

Concluding thoughts:

You know the biggest challenges, and you understand some ways you can deal with them. If I had any one solid piece of advice to give you, it would be to talk about all five of these trouble areas one by one. Find out what the other person wants, and then work out a middle ground.

Lastly, take some time off! We get so busy during this season that we forget to relax, which is what a holiday should be all about.

Want to Make Your First Dates Better? Try These Tips

Date Great Men, Understand Men

I’m not here to tell you to take a shower before a first date and make polite small talk. Here are a few things often overlooked—but they make a big difference!

Try not to pepper us with questions

Women like it when men ask them questions but it doesn’t necessarily work the other way around. I get it if you’re nervous—trust me. Nobody wants an awkward silence on the first date.

My best advice is to calm down, find a topic that you’re both interested in and then have a great conversation! Talk about what you think and he should follow suit (without you having to ask what he thinks about something every time.)
Bonus tip: avoid the true terrors of first dates: dumb questions! “Have you ever traveled,” “What hobbies do you like?” and the truly ugly “What’s your favorite (enter food, color, etc. here)?”

Spice it up—ditch the restaurant!

Restaurants are go-to first date spots because they’re more or less neutral territory. But it may be a good idea to hit up something a little more ‘off-the-beaten-path’ like a hookah bar or a bookstore. Heading to Barns & Noble for a coffee and some book browsing is way better than sitting around waiting for your dinner—especially if you need to duck out early because your date has zero personality.

Keep some of the most interesting bits about you out of the conversation

This might feel like you’re not putting your best foot forward, but it’s an extremely good tip for two reasons. First, we all want to impress our dates and to do that we tell them about the cool places we’ve been and the interesting things we’ve done. But if we start blabbering on about it without any context surrounding it, it’s going to come off conceited, like you’re saying it just to say it. If you’re dying to tell him you snowboard, don’t blurt it out while discussing his family. And if the subject never comes up at all—keep it under wraps until the next date!

Secondly, if you tell him all the coolest parts about you on the first date, it makes you a bit less interesting the next time you go on a date with him. If you speak Spanish and bring it up on date 4 or even later, that drives the point home: “wow, what else does she do that I don’t know about?”

Never call him after

It was sound advice decades ago and it remains the same today. Ladies, wait for him to call you after your first date. He’s going to find you more exciting if you don’t call him and if he doesn’t call, who cares? You’re not going to woo him on the second date if you didn’t knock it out of the park on the first. Wait for the call—it will keep the suspense going and make him that much more interested (as long as he was interested to begin with.)

Plan some conversation topics ahead

You don’t want to wind up talking about something you can’t stand. The best way to avoid this is to make sure you have some control over where the conversation is going. If you want to talk about skiing, make up something, like, “Yeah, I’m loving this weather, I’m such a snow rat.” From there you’re an inch away from a skiing conversation. Either he’ll bring it up with his response or you can shortly after. This ensures conversations are natural and flowing—and more importantly, on your terms.

First dates are full of anxiety and nervousness. By following some of these tips, hopefully you can be more at ease and have a great time! Remember, we’re nervous too!

10 Unusual Places to Find Mr. Right

Date Great Men, Understand Men

Where to Find Mr Right

Bars get old fast—and the guys there aren’t exactly keepers. I thought you might enjoy discovering a few new places where to find Mr Right.

It’s a great big world out there. If you’re limiting your options to just the guys you meet at bars, or at work, you’re doing it all wrong! Here’s a great list of places that are far more specific, and have a tendency to bring in A-list guys that are actually worth dating.

#1: Parks

Tug on your snow boots, scarf, hat and parka, grab your dog (or borrow one from somebody) and take a stroll at a park you know has plenty of activity in the late afternoon/early evening. Parks are awesome because you can find guys that are active and take care of themselves. Your borrowed dog makes for a great conversation starter. Catch up to a good lookin’ guy and tell him his shoelace looks loose. Bam! Instant conversation.

#2: Workshops

Not just any workshop mind you, but one that you might actually enjoy. This could be related to dancing, writing, or something active like snowboarding during certain times of the year. Book clubs are also cool—although you’ll need to find one that caters to the age group that interests you.

#3: Tastings

Tastings are awesome venues to meet guys. Your best bet is to go for something like a tequila tasting or whisky tasting that is being run by a charity group or some other organization raising money. Beer tastings work too! Find out where they’re being held, grab a friend (but don’t cling to her!) and get to flirting.

#4 Volunteering

Finding a good volunteer group could land you a great guy. Your best bet is to look for groups organized on college campuses. You can get even more specific by finding a group that is engaged with work that interests you.

#5: Weddings

Weddings don’t come around all the time, but when they do, they’re the perfect place to find an eligible bachelor. The bride and groom probably invited a ton of friends—not just a close circle that you may already know. It’s likely that some of those plus-ones aren’t very attached to the person that brought them.

Weddings can be a great place to meet a guy and make connections

#6: Business Seminars

There’s nothing like a business seminar to locate fellow-minded workaholics. If you’re an ambitious working woman and you want a guy that’s going to share your drive and dedication, why not check out some of the local business seminars going on around town? If it’s slim pickings, try looking at the largest nearby city.. Who knows, with the right seminar, you may have a lot to discuss with someone over drinks after the event.

#7: Museums and Art Galleries

Cultured men aren’t likely to approach you in your jean miniskirt and tube top at the local college pub, but that won’t be the case if you’re downtown checking out new exhibit that just came to town. Don’t know much about art? No problem. Guys are insanely happy when women ask them questions. Keep shooting them his way and he’ll ask you to dinner in no time.

#8: Casinos

More specifically, blackjack tables. A blackjack table is always packed with guys. The churn is fast enough that it feels like speed dating in some cases, and if those reasons aren’t good enough, guys love seeing women hanging out, having a drink, and playing cards. Don’t wait to find a table with cute guys. Grab the first open table you see and watch the men come to you.

#9: Music Festivals and Concerts

You already love the music. Wouldn’t it be great to meet a guy who enjoyed it also? Instant conversation starter right there. And because these events attract a huge number of people, there is a great selection of guys available.

#10: Blood Drives

Blood drives are always going on, and they tend to attract people that aren’t entirely self-centered. If you get lucky you’ll find yourself sitting by a good looking fella. If not—don’t worry. Blood drives always have a snack bar nearby where people hang around before heading out. Bump into someone on accident and tell them “must have been the blood loss. I’m feeling a bit dizzy!”

What Who You Date Says About You – Part 3

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

Attract the Right Guy!

We have spent the last couple of weeks in “What Who You Date Says About You” talking about a variety of different personality types that men and women have and how they impact a relationship. Today, I want to focus on talking about how you can begin to attract the right guy.

If you’ve read any of my books, you know that I am all about giving the power in a relationship to the woman. In Who Holds the Cards Now, this is the central theme! What happens, though, if you’re not really in the right place to take that power? How can you get there?

The answer isn’t as tough as you might think. First of all, you should identify the type of guy you typically date, using Part 1 and Part 2. You may have dated more than one of those types in the past, but look at the “If You Think This is You” section under those different types.

Want to Understand the Different Types of Men and How to Date Them?

I had some fun writing Manimals because I got to describe different types of men, whether they’re datable or not and how to date them when they are. Because that didn’t seem like enough, I then profiled several types of women and paired them up. Now, you can identify which type of woman you are and learn which type of man might be the best fit for you!

In addition to these different types of men and women, the second half of the book contains:

Explanations on why you are dating the wrong type of guy now
An in-depth study of what I like to call the Relationship Train To Failure
15 things every woman needs to know about men
My best-ever discussion on what challenge and mystery are, why they’re important and how to use both to your advantage!

That should help you begin to identify the areas you need to work on. Many times, it’s self-esteem, and that is definitely going to be part of building the new you, but you also need to dig deeper and understand yourself.

I want you to attract the right guy! I want you to have your pick of the litter – as long as you’re not picking wet kittens! Choose from the lion cubs instead! You’re asking – HOW?

Look at your life today. Are things in order? Where are you financially? Are you able to support yourself or are you taking help from Mom and Dad? You will need to get your financial house in order before you bring a guy into the fold.

What have you done so far in your life? Do you have great experiences to share? Even if you don’t have a lot of money, you can have great experiences – and I’m not talking about partying either! I mean real life experiences – the things that change you, even if it’s just a little bit.

This could be college, a trip to someplace new and kind of far away, learning a new skill or hobby, or even doing something a little off the wall like sky-diving.

Who do you look up to? Who do you go to for advice? Is there someone special in your life that you depend on for guidance and advice? If there is nobody, then it’s time you found someone.

A mentor is a highly valuable resource. This person is the person you can count on to tell you the truth, not like your friends, who tell you what they think you want to hear.

Looking back through your life can be a lot of fun, or it can be a real drag. If it’s a drag, then you definitely need to do some work. Even if it is a fun exercise, you can still learn something from it.

My best selling book, To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself will give you more in-depth information on looking at these areas of your life, and more. It will give you a guide to follow to gain a better understanding of yourself and to begin attracting high value men, instead of those we have talked about over the last two weeks.

Part 1 What Who You Date Says About You

Part 2 What Who You Date Says About You

Are you ready to attract the right guy?

What Does Who You Date Say About You – Part 2

Date Great Men, Understand Men

In Part 1 of this “What Does Who You Date Say About You” series, we talked about three distinct types of personalities: Mr. Pour on the Charm, Mr. Indecision and Mr. Diamond in the Rough. Some of you didn’t see your guy, but I think you will this week.

In Part 2, we are going to look at a few more types: Mr. There’s Plenty of Time to Settle Down, Mr. What’s Yours is Mine, Mr. It’s All YOUR Fault, Mr. Sure Baby, Anything You Say and , of course, Mr. Married. This post is a bit long, so hang in there with me.

Mr. There’s Plenty of Time to Settle Down

This guy likes to use the phrase “maybe some day”. He probably has never been married and has had a string of short-term relationships in the past. There are all kinds of reasons why this guy hasn’t found ‘the right one’ yet. This type of guy has a fear of intimacy.

When you begin asking for more out of the relationship, he disappears. You might ask him to meet your friends or your parents and all of a sudden, you don’t hear from him for a week or more. You’re left wondering what you said or did to make him mad.

More signs that he’s commitment phobic:

He has a job that requires a lot of travel
You haven’t met his friends/family and he hasn’t met yours
He has never taken you to his house/apartment – or if he has, it’s a very sterile environment\
When you’re together, he’s Mr. Pour on the Charm
Your plans are always last-minute
He turns into “Mr. It’s All Your Fault”
He loves to chase you, but he’s not really interested in capturing you

And You

Dating this type of guy most likely means you’re needy. You attract men who want to rescue you but they don’t want to commit to you. You thrive on the snippets of attention that are thrown your way – it’s your crack.

When you come into a relationship as the needy one, you give up all of your power. My book, “Who Holds the Cards Now” can help you regain that power.

If You Think This is You

If this is you, you probably spend a lot of time asking “What if” – “What if he found someone else?” “What if I made him mad?” “What if he wants out?” You need to learn how to squash those “what if” moments like a bug.

You probably hold a vision of your guy that is based on how he was on your first date – charming, caring and willing to do anything to make you happy. That is not who this guy really is and you have blinded yourself to that truth.

Mr. What’s Yours is Mine

This guy is a leech. He takes from you – your money, your energy, your time, and he has nothing to give back, or if he does have something, he isn’t giving it to you. You may be putting yourself at risk in some way to be the giver this guy wants you to be. Whether it’s a financial, physical or emotional risk, it’s bad for you with no consequences for him.

Want to learn all about the different man types and how to date them? Get my best seller Manimals!

And You

Dating this type of guy all of the time means you are probably insecure and you have low self-esteem. You will take any guy who comes your way and the needy, clingy type is right up your alley.

If You Think This is You

The steps are clear here. You need to improve your self-esteem and become a secure, high value woman. All of my books address this in some way, but the most direct path to esteem and confidence is Comfortable in Your Own Shoes.

You need to step back from the relationship scene long enough to regain your confidence. You should also read my newest book, To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself, which will help you take a journey of self-discovery to a more healthy, high value woman.

Mr. It’s All Your Fault

This guy treats you like a child and when he behaves badly, often like a bully, he blames you for his actions. “I had to yell at you, you can’t do anything right”. He probably treats you like a child, talking to you in a condescending tone of voice or sounding intimidating.

And You

If you’re dating this type of guy, then you may have trouble establishing and maintaining emotional boundaries. You would rather please someone else to win them over. You probably feel like nothing you do is good enough – no matter what, your partner is always unhappy.

If You Think This is You

This feeling of powerlessness comes from within you, and you are craving freedom from oppressing the emotions of anger and frustration that you feel all of the time. An excellent first step is to begin labeling what you feel when you feel it. You are driving in traffic and someone cuts you off – rather than suppressing your feelings, say out loud “that really made me angry!”

The next time you just can’t seem to figure something out, say “I’m really frustrated right now”. It seems silly on the surface, but this will help you to truly identify your emotions and allow yourself to actually feel them.

Mr. Sure Baby Anything You Say

This time, it’s clearly your fella who has self-esteem issues. Mr. Sure Baby is an agreeable guy who has no opinions about anything and doesn’t have the confidence to express any that he might actually have. He thinks, and maybe says things like, “I don’t know why you want to date me” – negative thoughts about himself that confirm his lack of belief in himself.

He’s also an apologizer – “I’m sorry” is something you hear ALL of the time. He is always looking for validation from outside sources – sort of a “look at me and tell me I’m great” type of deal, mostly because he doesn’t believe it.

Surprisingly, this type of guy is also likely to be a perfectionist. He feels that nothing can be done unless it’s perfect, so nothing ever gets done. Of course, this is really because he has no confidence in what he is doing, not because it’s imperfect.

And You

Dating this guy means that you’re probably a controlling person who likes to come off as if you have your stuff together. Mr. Sure Baby is your type of guy! He seeks out women like you because he sees things in you that he thinks he lacks.

You probably have a set of expectations about every aspect of your life. Your house should be this way, your car should be that way. Your job should be progressing down a specific path. Everything must be in order.

If You Think This is You

It’s time to change your mindset about life. Your apartment doesn’t have to be spotless for you to have your friends over – they won’t notice anyway. Let go of your need to have everything follow a specific course or be perfect. You also need a boost in self-esteem. You are probably controlling because you think people won’t accept you if they can see your flaws.

By wanting everything perfect or wanting to micromanage every step of a process, you can keep people from seeing your true self. It’s time to realize what a wonderful woman you are. Recognize your accomplishments and accept that most things don’t go as planned.

Finally, examine how much anxiety you feel when you think things are not perfect or out of control. Read your body for signs of tension or anxiety like jaw or shoulders clenched or a racing heart. A good way to manage anxiety is through meditation or another form of relaxation like getting a massage or aromatherapy.

Mr. Married

Mr. Married may not actually be married, but he is in a committed relationship, maybe even engaged. Even if he is separated, he’s still married.

And You

Again, you probably lack self-esteem, and you most likely don’t like yourself very much either. You are not only dating a cheater, but you are one. This is a very low level of self-esteem and self-hate.

You are seeking out relationships that are guaranteed to fail. “He’s never going to leave her” is a line in a popular old movie “When Harry Met Sally”, where one of the supporting characters, dating a married man, is constantly trying to woo him to leave his wife. The standard response from her friends is “Nobody thinks he’s going to leave her”.

Mr. Married has also been vetted by one of your cohorts – he’s married, so there must be an okay guy in there somewhere. He’s safe because you know another of your species has accepted him.

He is also immediately unavailable for any real ‘future’, thus alleviating you of any worry about being all that he needs you to be, since you don’t have the esteem to believe you can deliver anyway. When he leaves, it is to be expected and you don’t have to consider yourself a failure.

If You Think This is You

You need to work on your self esteem NOW. You are better than this and it’s time you start acting like it! Read my books, see a counselor or do whatever it takes to begin to see the value you have. It goes without saying that you end the relationship – today.

He’s never going to leave her – and even if he does – do you really want him? Find out who you are by reading To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself and begin to build a high value woman story.

Whew! What’s Up Next Week?

That was a long post, and thanks for hanging in there, but this is important information! Many of you are great at telling me what’s wrong with your guy, but often it’s hard for you to see what type of individual he is, or what it says about you.

We never want to look for the flaws that we have, and yet, in order to date high value men, it’s necessary. Before you dismiss my suggestions, take a long hard look at yourself. If you don’t believe me, do a Google search on that type of guy – you will find all kinds of information to back me up!

So, Which One?

How many of these men have you dated in the past? Are you dating one right now? What are your next steps? In Part 3 I want to focus on talking about how you can begin to attract the right guy.

What Does Who You Date Say About You? Part 1

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

You Are Who You Date

We all get caught in ruts in life – we find ourselves eating the same foods, wearing the same clothes, hanging out in the same bars, and dating the same type of people. You reinforced this in your comments of my last few blog posts and I thought maybe we needed to dig a little deeper to see what this “same” personality type says about you.

Generally speaking, we attract the type of person who exhibits the traits in us that most need fixing. You are who you date. Having said that, we also all probably carry around small pieces of each of these traits – it’s just when they begin to overwhelm your life that they become harmful. What does who you date say about you? Let’s find out.

Mr. Pour-On-The-Charm

I begin with this guy because he has particular appeal to many women. This guy practically charms the pants right off of you with his smooth-talking, perfectly groomed, highly successful persona. At first blush, this guy is G-R-E-A-T, but when you peel back the layers, he’s condescending, demanding, self-centered and egotistical.

And You…

If you are attracted to this type of guy, you may carry the very same characteristics. While it seems as if the person with this type of personality trait is confident, the opposite is actually true – you are lacking confidence.

If You Think This Shoe Fits

If you think this describes you, rest assured there is hope! Probably the best thing you can do is to learn how to listen. Narcissistic people tend to dominate the conversation.

Rather than initiating a conversation, then immediately starting to drum up your response, just listen and really ‘hear’ what the other person is saying. When it is your turn to talk, rather than come up with your ‘better’ story, respond to theirs with empathy.

Want to understand the different types of men and how to date them?

In addition to these different types of men and women, the second half of the book contains:

Explanations on why you are dating the wrong type of guy now
An in-depth study of what I like to call the Relationship Train To Failure
15 things every woman needs to know about men
My best-ever discussion on what challenge and mystery are, why they’re important and how to use both to your advantage!

Mr. Indecision

You know this guy – he can’t make a decision to save his life. He is full of excuses – “I couldn’t call you last night because I had to [insert lame excuse] instead.”

This type of guy is dwelling on the past – whether it’s your past history together, a negative in his past, or maybe one in yours that you have shared. Finally, this guy won’t commit. His standard mantra is “I’m not looking for anything serious right now”. He likes you but…not right now, not ever.

And You…

A woman who attracts this type of man probably feels she doesn’t deserve anything better. It is likely that someone in your past has disappointed you in a big way and you have not moved past it. You may even have been a victim of abuse or neglect.

If You Think This Is You

You need to begin telling yourself that you do deserve a good life and a good guy. You need to build your confidence and learn to forgive your past and everyone in it who may have hurt you. My book, Comfortable In Your Own Shoes can help you develop a new mantra and start a journey to a more confident you.

Mr. Diamond in the Rough

This guy is the one you think you can ‘fix’. He has flaws and you see them, plain as day, but you’re convinced that you are the woman who can turn him around. You’re gonna make him your project! He probably feels, and maybe even says that he doesn’t deserve you.

And You…

If this is your type of guy, then you are probably in the habit of making excuses for others – “He didn’t mean to skip dinner with my parents – he must have gotten caught up at work”.

If You Think This Is You

Look back through your past to see what mistake you are still trying to fix. Your need to overcompensate is rooted there. By fixing someone else, you feel that you are really fixing your past. Well, now it’s time to get to it – fix your past. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and move on. Fixing someone else will never repair your own soul.

Parts 2 and 3

Next week, in part 2, we’ll go over a few more personality traits that get in the way of successful relationships. Our last conversation on this topic will focus on the best methods for you to begin attracting the right guy – through understanding yourself and working to fix these traits in you.

Do You See Yourself Here?

Do any of these ring a bell with you?

Why Dating an Older Guy Is Something You Should Do At Least Once

Date Great Men, Understand Men

Dating an Older Guy comes with Challenges

You’re looking to expand your horizons and date an older guy. But first, you have to kick those age-gap stereotypes to the curb.

This kind of conversation comes up all the time when I’m chatting with some young 20 or 30 somethings at a local bar or event. They tell me their sick of dating guys their age. That they’re immature and have no idea what they want or what they’re doing with their lives.

And then, when I ask whether they would ever consider dating someone older, I get a response like, “sure I’ve thought of it, but isn’t that weird?” Or, “I just wouldn’t know how to act. And what would my friends think of me?”

Dating an older guy is one of those societal stereotypes that just blows my hair back every time I hear it. I can’t believe how many younger women today have this notion that by dating an older man, they’re perceived as an opportunist at best, or some super-traditional, skirts-below-the-knees prude that needs to be taken care of by a man at worst.

They’re worried that walking out of a movie theater hand-in-hand with some guy 5 or 10+ years her senior is a one-way ticket to contemptville. “She must be dating him for the money,” or “she must not feel very confident in herself.”

I’m not going to say that kind of mindset doesn’t exist anymore. There are plenty of idiots out there that enjoy demeaning women for their choice in men. But you can’t live your life trying to make these people think you’re their kind of “normal.” Dating isn’t about age. It’s about the person you’re dating and how you feel with him around. That’s it.

Julieanne Smolinski writes an amazing sex column for GQ. She wrote an article about dating outside your age range. Her take:

“Remember that game, “Guess Who” ? That is the opposite of what picking a person should be like. When you completely remove personality and individual experience from the equation and rely exclusively on stuff like “young,” “blue eyes,” and “no glasses,” you end up with Robert, that weirdo in the beret. Forget about other people, money, and the looming specter of death. It’s so rare that people meet and like each other. If we start writing people off based on this completely arbitrary Z-factor, we’re really going to end up forcing a lot of conversation with a lot of boring, age-appropriate dullards.”

Now, it’s completely understandable if your young-guys-only bias is due to family planning, having kids, etc. But if you feel uncomfortable dating an older guy because he actually has his act together—you know, with a real job, with real responsibilities—then you may want to revisit those biases of yours.

Just because someone has had more years than you to organize their life shouldn’t be a reason to outright deny them a date. But by all means, date that cute 23-year-old dude working at the Sonic drive-thru who’s halfway done with his Associates at the local community college. He’s, like, the most amazing Guitar Hero player you’ve ever met.

As for your friends, well, I can only say that if they’ve drunk the kool-aid that society handed to them, they may not be totally happy for you. But if you’re happy with him, it doesn’t exactly matter, does it? I can only speak for myself, but it isn’t exactly often that you get real chemistry occurring between two people.

Are you going to pass it up because of what you think people are thinking? Or because of your own insecurities? I certainly hope not!

Listen, it’s so easy to hit up a dating website these days and filter by age. Aren’t there better common denominators you can think of besides “we were both born within a year or two of one another?” Try to open up that filter for once and just see who comes up. How many great guys are you missing out on just because of something they literally had no control over?

And the next time you’re hanging out at a bar and some hot older dude asks if he can buy you a drink, you should see where it goes. You may be surprised by the results.

Secrets Unveiled: How to Meet Quality Guys

Date Great Men, Understand Men

Knowing how to meet quality guys is like unlocking the secret to your dating life. While meeting quality guys feels like a daunting task, I assure you that it really isn’t, once you know these secrets anyway!

So what do you need to know?

First, What do Men Look for Initially?

Men are more likely to approach women who display positive body language.

You’ve probably heard the old adage, “actions speak louder than words.” Well, this couldn’t be truer when it comes to attracting quality guys. Positive body language not only makes you more approachable, but also more appealing to the opposite sex.

Smiling is the most basic and effective form of positive body language. A genuine smile can instantly make you seem friendly, approachable, and attractive. But remember, it needs to be genuine. Fake smiles can come off as insincere or even creepy. Invest the time to create happy thoughts and let your natural smile come through.

Another key to positive body language is eye contact. Not only does it show that you’re interested and attentive, but it is also a trademark of confidence. Don’t shy away from meeting someone’s gaze. Maintain it just long enough to show interest, but not too long that it becomes unsettling.

Mirroring is a less obvious form of body language, but nonetheless effective. It’s about subtly copying the other person’s body language, gestures, or facial expressions. It can indicate that you two are ‘on the same wavelength’. However, be subtle about it. You don’t want to end up just mimicking, rather than mirroring, someone.

Lastly, open posture is crucial to seem approachable. Crossing your arms or legs might unintentionally communicate that you’re closed off or unapproachable. Remember to keep open body language by angling yourself towards the person you’re communicating with, showing that you’re open to interaction.

It’s important to remember that positive body language isn’t just about attracting men, it’s about portraying the confident and radiant person that you are.

Remember, body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. So, always remind yourself to exude positivity not just for others, but also for your own benefit.

How to Meet Quality Guys by Mastering the First Impression

Just like you, quality guys are also drawn to someone who makes a favorable impact straight away. Here’s how to master that all-important first impression.

Confidence is key. When you meet someone for the first time, your confidence can significantly influence their perception of you. Stand tall, maintain eye contact, and remember to smile. This displays a sense of self-assurance and positivity that is highly attractive.

Express genuine interest. When you’re engaged in conversation, show real interest in what the other person is saying. Ask questions to show that you’re listening and want to know more about them. This is a testament to your social skills and demonstrates your ability to connect meaningfully with others.

Pro tip: Avoid too much self-promotion in initial conversations. Balance is key between sharing about yourself and showing curiosity about the other person.

Understanding the importance of body language can also give you an upper hand. More often than not, nonverbal cues communicate louder than words. Positive body language can indicate interest, openness, and friendliness.

Uncross your arms and legs to appear open and approachable.
Nod while the other person is talking to show that you’re attentive and receptive.

Remember: Establishing genuine connections is about making the other person feel valued and understood.

Stay authentic. While it’s natural to want to impress, maintaining authenticity is crucial. Be true to yourself and your values. People can often sense when others are genuine, and authenticity is highly appealing.

Lastly, don’t forget to follow up after your initial meeting. If you enjoyed your encounter with someone and felt a connection, don’t hesitate to express your enthusiasm about a future meetup. This will show them that you are truly invested and interested.

Building Confidence: Boosting Your Self-Esteem to Attract the Right Partner

As you’ve been reading, confidence and self-esteem play a big role in attracting a great guy, so it stands to reason that attracting the right partner starts from within. Your self-esteem and confidence directly impact how others perceive you. It acts as a magnet, drawing people to your vibe. The more confident you are, the more likely you’re to attract quality guys who are also confident and secure in themselves.

But what is confidence? It’s a belief in your abilities. It’s knowing that you’re capable and worthy. It’s the feeling that you can take on the world, that you’re not afraid to be yourself, and that you’ll be okay no matter what happens.

Your Inner Voice: The Confidence Catalyst

Unfortunately, low self-esteem can be like a nasty whisperer in your ear, telling you that you’re not good enough, that you don’t deserve love, or that you’ll never find a quality guy. But remember, you are in control of your inner voice. Start by silencing that negative whisperer and amplifying the positive, uplifting, and encouraging voice inside you.

Steps to Cultivate Confidence

Know Yourself: You can’t build confidence if you don’t know who you are. Spend some time understanding your strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, beliefs, and values.
Practice Self-Compassion: Being kind to yourself and accepting your flaws is a huge part of self-confidence. Stop comparing yourself to others and start embracing your unique self.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Your mind can be your biggest critic or your biggest supporter. Learn to identify negative self-talk and challenge it with realistic positive thoughts.
Pursue Your Passions: Doing things you love boosts your self-esteem and makes you more attractive. It reflects a sense of purpose and self-assuredness, which quality guys admire.
Acknowledge Your Successes: Celebrating your accomplishments, however small they may be, fosters a positive self-image and strengthens your belief in your abilities.

At the end of the day, confidence is a lifelong journey, not a destination. You’ll have good days and bad, but the important thing is to keep working on yourself. Because when you express genuine confidence, you don’t just attract quality guys – you attract quality people who enrich your life in so many ways.

Remember, confidence isn’t about being perfect or not having fears, it’s about embracing who you are, accepting your imperfections, and not letting fears keep you from shining your brightest light. Keep glowing, keep growing, and you’ll attract not just any guy, but a high-quality guy who loves and appreciates you for you.

How to Meet Quality Guys by Cultivating a Positive Mindset

A positive mindset, it’s a must-have accessory if you’re in the dating scene. But why, you ask? Your attitudes and perspectives are like invisible signboards that radiate messages about you to the world; they color our actions and decisions, and notably, shape how others perceive you. When you’re radiating positivity, you’re like a magnet, drawing in like-minded, high-quality men.

So, how do you cultivate a winning attitude? Let’s dive in together.

Be Mindful of Your Thoughts: Recognize negative thought patterns ‒ that unhelpful self-talk telling you that you aren’t good enough or that every man you meet will disappoint you. Mindfulness helps you detach from these thoughts and alter your perspective.
Practice Positive Affirmations: Replace negative chatter with uplifting affirmations. Stand in front of the mirror every morning, look yourself in the eyes, and say things like ‘I am valuable,’ and ‘I deserve love and respect.’ Over time, repeating these positive affirmations will reshape your subconscious mind and boost your self-esteem.
Celebrate Your Wins: Let’s be real‒ it’s easy to forget our small victories in the face of a larger goal. Take time to celebrate your achievements, whether it’s a newly learned skill, a small personal victory, or just successfully navigating a tough day. Each celebration builds your confidence and instills a positive mindset.
Build Your Squad: Surround yourself with people who uplift you and reflect the values you aspire to. Being in the company of optimistic and motivating individuals can naturally steer your mindset towards positivity.
Maintain Good Emotional Hygiene: Yes, our emotions need tending to, much like our physical health. Practice endorsing positive emotions, and at the same time, don’t shy away from negative emotions. It’s okay to feel down sometimes, it’s part of being human. The key is to acknowledge the feeling without letting it dictate your actions or determine your worth.

Remember, cultivating a positive mindset is a journey, not a one-time event. Over time, you’ll start attracting men who not only respect you for who you are but also share the same positive outlook towards life.

Seeking Compatibility: Identifying the Qualities You Want in a High-Quality Man

When it comes to finding your Mr. Right, understanding the qualities you are looking for in a partner is fundamental. Everyone is unique with specific values, passions and life goals that they bring to a relationship. The trick is to discern precisely what qualities align with your life vision and will make you genuinely happy. So, let’s delve into how you identify these qualities within the sea of potential suitors.

Begin by crafting a picture in your mind. Envis