Build Confidence Archives

Your Prescription for Happiness

I am always writing about how to be happier in life, but often, unless something comes from your own heart, it isn’t as powerful as it could be. So how about this: you write your own prescription for happiness. I’ll get you started with an example, but you will need to snatch the pen out of my hand and work your own magic!

My Prescription for Happiness – by Ima Hapy Gurl

As my own personal doctor, I am prescribing myself the following treatment, starting tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. I am doing this because I’ve noticed a slide in my own happiness and confidence. I am complaining more, putting on a little weight and I have lost my energy. My brother’s health and current divorce might have triggered my own sadness so I am going to lead by example.

My personal prescription starting at 8 a.m. tomorrow:

Post one large affirmation on my bathroom mirror that says, “I will be happy ALL day!” Repeat it all day long and let nothing take you down – nothing!
Do one thing that I have never done before: bring my laptop to Starbucks and have my first mocha cappuccino ever. (I have never had one – honestly)
I will work out hard and afterward, I will do 10 minutes of yoga to relax my mind.
I will change my entire diet. Whole foods here I come! That means cleaning out my cupboards of all the crap! I’m allowed one crap day and that is on Sunday IF I stick to my new diet/work out this week.
I will sign up at Meetup.com’s wine tasting event this Friday and see if I can connect with one new friend.
I will drop off one case of cat food to my local shelter. No asking, no calling, just buy it and drop it off!
I will go to the beach and throw some rocks. Not really sure why, I just think it will be fun having a moment with nature

Finally. I will look over my prescription at the end of the day tomorrow and it will lead me right back to being happy because of all the stuff I did! Next up, tomorrow’s list starting with my new affirmation!

And guess what Doc? I feel so much better already!

The Role of Confidence in Dating

Build Confidence, Understand Men

If you read any of Gregg’s books, or many of the blog posts or pages on this site, you see the word “confidence” quite often, and you’re probably wondering why on earth we harp on confidence so much. It’s Kirbie today, and I’m going to start off by clearly defining what confidence is:

Confidence is knowing what you are good at, what kind of value you bring to other people, and being able to behave in a way that conveys your confidence to those around you.

Don’t confuse confidence with arrogance – something that is easy to do! Arrogance comes about when you believe you are better at something than you really are, but you act as if you’re providing more value than you really are. Confidence is hot. Arrogance is not.

Studies have shown that men are more attracted to the confidence a woman exudes with a smile than they may be to her overall attractiveness.

In the study cited above, men and women were both found to prefer a confident partner. Confidence makes a person seem more trustworthy – in other words, when you’re confident, men will believe your dating sales pitch!

Here are a few ways you may unknowingly be showing your lack of confidence

Giving reasons for things that happen

Let’s say you are walking up to meet your new guy and you trip over something. Someone who lacks confidence will immediately begin with “There must be a bump in the carpet there!.” A confident person will probably chuckle and say “oh well” IF they say anything at all!

Giving reasons for poor performance

Imagine you and your guy are out on a bowling date – you manage to bowl a 75. Your man may say something like – “Wow 75! You’re like a bowling pro!” Whether it’s a high score for you or a low score, a low confidence individual may say something like “Weeelllllll I had a blister on my thumb and my shoes were too tight”. Someone who has great confidence will probably say something like “YAY ME!”, IF they say anything at all! I might note that this type of criticism from him shows his lack of confidence!

Compensating for Inabilities

Nobody, and I mean nobody, is good at everything, despite their desire to be. A person who lacks confidence expects herself to be good at everything and tries to compensate when confronted. For example, let’s say one of your girlfriends says “Girl you look really beat today!” If you’re a confident individual, you may just say “Yea I had a rough night” or something like that. A person who lacks confidence might say “I’m never tired! I don’t need sleep!”

Body Language is Everything

We’ve all heard about using body language to our best advantage. This goes for confidence as well. That arms-folded, legs crossed body language not only shows you as being closed off, it indicates a lack of confidence. Confident people reserve this position for when they’re absolutely freezing OR they have been offended. It really says something when you use it right!

Perfectionism

This kind of goes back to our poor performance above. Perfectionists don’t feel that they can ever make a mistake. This is a dangerous mindset. It can cause you much turmoil and stress. It can even be debilitating to some individuals. Facing an environment where failure may occur can be paralyzing for some folks. This goes back to not having enough confidence to believe in your abilities to overcome mistakes. Confident people know mistakes are part of life. Rather than sweat mistakes, they realize that a mistake is a learning opportunity and they move on.

Inability to Accept a Compliment

If someone pays you a compliment, how do you react? Do you get embarrassed and uncomfortable? If so, this shows a lack of confidence. The confident person will hear a compliment and simply say “Thank you”. Nothing more, nothing less.

Maintaining Eye Contact

If you lack confidence, you probably find it difficult to maintain eye contact with someone. In a relationship, this can be very detrimental as maintaining eye contact helps build intimacy and shows you are paying attention. When you don’t want to maintain eye contact, you are really indicating that you don’t want someone to look too far past your façade.

Decision Making

I once knew someone who took more than a year to buy a car. At the time, I couldn’t understand it, but now I get it. Poor guy (still) can’t make a decision to save his life. This is a typical experience for people who lack confidence. They don’t believe in their ability to make a decision about even the most basic things, so the biggies, like a car, can be paralyzing.

This list of signs is not complete, but these are the highlights. Look through and think honestly about your own life. Do you do any of these things? You don’t have to do all of them, and I think most of us can see ourselves in one of them, but the trick now is to identify whether or not you do lack confidence, so that as you build your confidence back up, you will see it in your actions – and so will others!

Looking Great – Even if You Don’t Have Teenage Daughters to Dress You

Build Confidence

It’s Kirbie again, coming to share some fashion tips with you today. I was blessed (depending on how old they were) with three daughters and one son. They’re all adults now, living their own lives, but they still manage to finagle their way into my day every now and then. It’s particularly heart-warming when one of them tears up because I dressed myself to their liking.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “Aww, Mom, you dressed yourself today and you’re so cute!” Not really as many as you’d think (unless you can see through my computer to me in my sweats and zippered hoodie). The first time it happened, it was kind of like a slap in the face! I thought, “Whatdda ya mean I dressed myself”?!?!?!” What do they think I did before they cared that there was no peanut butter on their collar?

Truth is that I have a trick and it’s called….you guessed it…the Internet. HA! I stumbled onto it quite by accident one day while I was prowling around Pinterest. If you don’t have a Pinterest account yet, you need to click on over after you’re done here and get one! Anyway, I digress. I was on Pinterest and I saw these adorable combinations of clothes – maybe a cute top with a snazzy scarf, a jean jacket or blazer with a cute pair of jeans, the purse, shoes and other accessories all right there in one Kirbie-proof photo.

Of course, I clicked it, ’cause I’m sharp like that, and it took me to a site called Polyvore. Maybe you’ve heard of it. Basically, their purpose is to sell stuff, but not their stuff, other people’s stuff (think Amazon-ish). Their way of doing it is ingenious – put together adorable outfits and post the whole shebang. You can ‘sign up’ through Facebook, but you don’t need to in order to browse. They also have a mobile app, but I haven’t checked it out…yet.

Okay, I hear you – you can’t afford to go out and buy a new wardrobe. I’m right there with ya sister! Here’s the thing – most of what they are pairing is basic staples – white button downs, jeans, boots, jackets of one sort or another, sweaters, etc. I use it as an idea generator. Light bulb moments, if you will. Then I hop, er mosey, on over to my closet to see what I can come up with that is similar. I can usually come up with something that mimics what they were shooting for in the photo.

This is a GREAT resource if you’re getting ready to go on a date – especially a first date – and you’re nervous about putting together something that says “I’m smart, good looking, and I have a sense of style.” The outfits on Polyvore range from your basics to stuff that’s pretty snazzy and dressy – shorts and sneakers to heels and sequin dresses.

It’s a great boredom buster late at night, and also it can be helpful if you do win the lottery and get to go on a big clothing shopping spree! I’m much more attentive to scarves and other accessories when I’m out shopping now and sometimes I even remember to wear those cute things that I get. There are a lot of great sources for low-cost accessories today too! I don’t know how wide-spread some of these are, but try Charming Charlies, FiveBelow, Forever 21 (there are sometimes things for those of us well over 21) and even Target. I’ve found great things in all of those places – without my daughters.

If you don’t care for Polyvore, below are a few other similar sites that I found. I will say that the models are pretty young and thin in some these, so I do prefer Polyvore myself.

There are more no doubt. Maybe you can share a site you found a site similar to Polyvore. Have you used Polyvore? Where do you go for your sense of style?

Getting into that “Little Black Dress” – aka DIET is a 4 Letter Word

Build Confidence

Hi ladies, Kirbie again. Gregg has been a writing fool – and I can tell you, after just finishing my first reading of his new book, that you’re gonna LOVE it!!! I was hooked right off the bat! It made me think, chuckle and have hope.

Now, for the topic at hand. As I was reading Gregg’s new book, a peeve topic came up – DIETing. Why is this a peeve topic? Because I hate the word DIET. Gregg and I work very well together because, in many instances, we come from the same ‘place’.

I hold workshops sometimes, and they focus on things like leadership and personal development. In one workshop on goal setting, I was explaining why people don’t often achieve their goals, and one man asked, “Is this why people often fail at dieting?”. Well, I smiled, took a deep breath and said “No, but since you asked, let me give you my take on dieting.”

You didn’t ask, but here it is anyway.

D-I-E-T is a four letter word – no denying that, right? Diet is also a word that we think of as a temporary activity to lose weight. Diet, as defined by Mirriam-Webster, however, goes something like this:

a: food and drink regularly provided;

b: habitual nourishment;

c: the kind and amount of food prescribed for a personal or animal for a special reason;

d: a regimen of eating and drinking sparingly so as to reduce one’s weight;

If we follow the real definition of diet, then, it just means eating. The trick to losing weight is to change up what and how you eat – not temporarily – permanently. Several years ago, I went from being a carnivore to being a vegetarian. I really didn’t like meat so why eat it? It wasn’t some animal rights decision or anything like that – just a preference. About 18 months ago, I was forced to begin eating vegan due to allergies. The result? About 20 lbs gone. Why? I changed how I was eating.

Once you switch to eating more fruits and vegetables instead of cakes, breads, high-fat meats and dairy products, your body starts burning up all of the fat you had stored away. Another benefit I discovered was that I got sick less often, and when I do get sick, it’s not usually as bad.

The point of that is this – in order to get into your little black dress, or your regular-sized black dress, which is more reasonable for someone my age, you are going to need to change how and what you eat.

How to ‘Git ‘er Done’

Eat smaller portions – did you know you should only eat a piece of meat that is the size of a deck of cards? When was the last time you did that? Did you also know that something like 3/4 of your plate should be grains & veggies, with a small portion being meat or protein? Eight ounces of milk is a serving, not the whole 12-15 ounce glass.

I highly recommend joining Weight Watchers, even for just a month. They will teach you portion control and they will do it fast! This program runs on a point system – not denial. You can have that 16 ounce steak or that big hunk of chocolate cake, but it’s gonna cost you about 2/3 of your WEEKLY allotment of ‘points’, leaving you with very few options for the remainder of the week. I’m now very mindful about reading labels – how many shrimp are in a serving? WOW only 6 and I once ate 10?

Of course, it goes without saying that you can lose weight by changing how you eat, but don’t forget the exercise component. I’m not going to drag on about it here, mostly because I’m not a traditional exercise type of person – too many artificial and ‘shored up’ joints. Instead, I like to do things like taking walks in the early morning after it has snowed or, like today, shoveling my driveway or running around the house chasing my granddaughters like a monster.

Think about it this way- when was the last time you heard someone say “Yeah I’ve been doing Adkins now for 10 years and I feel great!” More likely, they tried it for a couple of weeks and blammo, they got sick of eating that way and gave up, yo-yo’d back to their original weight, or worse – higher, and maybe tried another ‘fad’ diet only to have the same results.

Set a goal today to begin eating better. No vow to start another diet or anything like that, just get healthy. Oh and one final thing – when you DO fall off of the wagon for a day, don’t beat yourself up. It’s over and done with, you know it won’t contribute to your goal of 10 more pounds, but stop beating yourself up over it – you ate it, move on.

Women are Their Own Worst Enemies

Build Confidence

Are You Your Worst Enemy?

When it comes to love, women are their own worst enemies. Heck, we are ALL our own worst enemies!

Kirbie, Gregg’s sidekick, here today. I once worked with a woman who wouldn’t go anywhere without mascara – even when she had a colonoscopy, she refused to go without mascara. It made me sad for her.

She had tried online dating, but due to being overweight, had not posted a photo. She scored a date with a man and when he showed up and saw her, he left after just a few moments.

She is over 50 and, to this day, has never been married and cannot see herself in a relationship, even though at last check, she had 3 men who were trying to pursue her.

She allowed one negative event to completely sum up who she was: an ugly, overweight woman who deserved to be alone in life. She is none of those things, of course.

Women are Their Own Worst Enemies

I’m not about to tell you anything you don’t already know – we (women) are our own worst critics, and by extension our own worst enemies. Nobody is harder on you than you. We don’t see our true selves in the mirror, we don’t believe in ourselves. I know this one well – I am a retired pro!

Many times, when we look in the mirror, we see what we think other people are judging us for, instead of just seeing how beautiful we are.

For me, the metamorphosis came when I realized that I don’t care what other people think about the size of my nose, the color or shape of my eyes, the color of my hair, or any of dozens of other things we perceive people are judging us for.

I get dressed every day now in something that’s comfortable or appropriate for the day. I don’t give a second thought to what people will think when they see me in my outfit.

I don’t wear makeup often because I think women are beautiful without enhancing their features.

Women are Their Own Worst Enemies

Why Do We Do It?

The truth is that, rather than compare ourselves to what we were like a few months or years ago, we insist on comparing ourselves to other women – women in magazines – women on television and in movies. I ask you this – what is ‘perfect’ or ‘normal’?

Who defines the traits that are perceived as being ideal for us? We do. That’s right – it’s me and you, sister! We take what we see and we think that we should look like those women, and when we don’t, the only thing we can do is complain about what we don’t have.

They say there is someone for everyone, and I believe that, although I do wish my “someone” would show up already! Not every man is looking for high cheek bones, long flowing brunette hair or golden curls flowing down your back.

A good man is looking for a woman with a good heart who is confident in who she is and can take care of herself. Sure, he’s looking at the wrapper, but do you want a man who only likes you for what you look like – really?

Of course not, so my challenge to you is to stop seeing the wicked witch when you look in the mirror and instead, see the beautiful person you are inside for she is oozing out through your smile, your good deeds and your warm heart.

My Challenge for You

My Challenge to you!

Here is my challenge to you. We don’t all have the ability of the artist in the video to draw someone’s face, but get some girlfriends together one evening and try this – have everyone in the room write down the features of the other women in the room, one by one (depending on how many of you there are).

Then, pair off and describe yourself to someone and have them write that down. Then return the favor. You only need to describe yourself once. Now, take your description of yourself and compare it to the things other people have written down about you. I think this could be a good eye opener.

Tell Me

What do you perceive as your best feature? How often do you compliment yourself on this feature? Do you beat yourself up all day long without recognizing it?

Women are their own worst enemies! This stops today. Start here and let’s Build your Confidence!

Your Journey of Self Discovery Starts HERE!

Build Confidence

To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself promises to help you dig deeper into yourself and uncover the behaviors that may have poisoned your past relationships. This book is different from my others – it’s not only confidence we are after this time, but a full understanding of yourself – stem to stern. When you finish with this book, you will have the tools in place to continue your journey of self discovery.

A Quick Story!

Let me share a story with you from one of my readers. As is the case with most of you, you reach out to me shortly after a breakup, panicky and ready to do anything to get your guy back. As you know, my advice to you is to cool your heels and spend some time on yourself. This was the case with Barbara, whose boyfriend asked for some “time off” from the relationship. Panicked and feeling dejected, Barbara contacted me after reading one of my books. We talked through her taking the advice in my books, step by step and, as time went by, she began to gain the strength to do the steps on her own! She stayed true to herself, and while she was tormented by his constant begging and promises, she stayed strong.

This story probably sounds something like yours. “To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself” will take you deeper into your own actions and help you to begin surrounding yourself with the right people and life circumstances to attract the high-value man you deserve. The words and activities in this book will take your life to a new, confident level.

Many of you have written that you feel you are confident, and perhaps you are, but then you go on to tell me that you are still attracting the same low-value men. That is where this book comes into play. It’s not just about confidence – it’s about the whole picture.

The Importance of a Mentor! Why Your Girlfriends’ Advice Isn’t Cutting It

Build Confidence

You have been in several relationships, and yet, none of them has felt right – none of those guys were ‘the one’, in fact, all of those guys were ‘the same one’. You’ve tried asking your girlfriends for advice, but they aren’t providing anything truly helpful. This is where a mentor can help!

My best-selling book, “To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself”, provides you with the tools you need to uncover the reasons why your relationships so far have not been fulfilling for you. The book gives you a pathway into yourself, bringing you out of your old habits and helping you to develop yourself in a way that enables you to attract that ‘right guy’.

The Importance of a Having a Mentor

So many times, ladies come to me with your stories of dating or marrying a guy, then suffering through the heartbreak of a break-up. You are feeling down on yourself, discouraged and hopeless.

In one such example, one of my readers contacted me regarding a break-up where she was convinced that she was still ‘in love’ with the guy, but after several emails and coaching, she finally began to take my advice and activate the steps in “Who Holds the Cards Now” to grow her confidence and begin moving on.

Ultimately, she began to realize that she actually didn’t want or need the old relationship and also that she needed to take time to explore herself before getting into another serious relationship. She will enter her next relationship a much healthier woman.

Had this woman had a mentor, she may have been able to see where she needed to make changes much earlier in the relationship, saving herself great heartbreak and years of time lost on a doomed relationship.

A mentor can help you to understand yourself. A mentor is someone you know and trust, someone who provides you with a good example of how to live your life. How many times have you wished that you had someone you could talk to, bounce ideas off of or tap into for really good dating advice?

A mentor can be someone from your family, education, workplace, church or other area of your life. It is someone who you look up to, who knows you and understands your life and your challenges. A mentor is someone who has succeeded in the area you are questioning or currently failing at. You can have more than one mentor in your life. In fact, it is a good idea to have a few people in this role.

But how many of us ever find a mentor before we get into trouble? Sure we hire shrinks but that is when it is too late. I want you to be pro-active not reactive.

Having someone like this in your life helps you guide your decisions, both by being there to listen and provide feedback, and also by living their life in a way that provides you with a good example. A mentor sees your life more objectively than you do and holds you accountable for your decisions.

Book Preview

Follow me into the self-discovery process into learning all about YOU! Join me and learn about the power of mentors, financial independence and how “your story” can change your life and create happiness with yourself and your relationships. Meet Meghan and Jennifer and see how their stories merge with yours. It will be fun!

What’s Next?

In my final post on my new book, I will be sharing with you more information about the book and how it will help you understand yourself more fully.

Stop Drawing in the Wrong Guy – Understand Yourself and Get the RIGHT Guy

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Your last relationship just ended. It was with the same type of guy you have dated five times before. You’re left wondering why you keep attracting the same type of guy, the guy who ends up being all wrong for you. What’s a girl to do? How do you stop drawing in the wrong kind of guy?

It’s time to understand yourself better so you can start attracting the right man! “To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself” is one of my confidence books for women. It helps you dig into yourself to understand why you keep attracting a certain type of guy and what changes you can make to get the RIGHT guy!

Do You Have a Story?

As you look back through your life, can you tell an interesting story? Have you developed several hobbies – maybe cooking, hiking, traveling or dancing? Do you get out and hang with your friends, have adventures or otherwise go out and have a good time? Doing these things helps you to develop an interesting past – a story.

Women with a great story are very interesting to men! We love to hear about how you climbed to the top of that mountain! We aren’t interested in women with no story – “I live with my parents and hang out with my friends partying 4 nights a week” is not the story quality men want to hear. In “To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself”, you will learn more about what kind of story men like and how you can develop a great story for yourself!

What is Your Confidence Level?

Often, women – and men – think they are more confident than they really are. Confidence is about not only understanding yourself, but accepting you for who you are. To be confident is to radiate happiness and peace with your life as it is right now. You are you, and you are okay with it. Many times, people think they are confident, but they are really just wishing for that confidence – if you are confident, you don’t need to walk around telling people – they know!

Next…

I’ll be back to you in a couple of days with more information on my new book. We’ll chat about the importance of having a mentor, another way to help understand yourself better.

“You have given me the best advice of anyone in six months including two very expensive therapists.” – Sue

Meanwhile…

Do you have a story? Let’s get a conversation started! Help other women by telling me what you want your story to be in the comments below.

About Me…

I have sold more than 70,000 books, providing dating advice to men and women with several #1 Best Sellers. If my books aren’t #1 best sellers, it’s because they are #2 or #3 behind my number one! I wrote this book to help women in all stages of dating life, whether you’re currently single, in a relationship, or even married, there is something for you in “To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself”! You will know what to do to before you get into your next relationship, or what to do now to keep your current relationship in a good place.

Confidence for Women – Build Yourself and He Will Come

Build Confidence

Confidence for women is something you might not even be aware of as an important issue in your life. If you’re lucky, you were raised by confident parents who instilled a sense of independence and confidence in you from a young age. Unfortunately, most people don’t get that kind of childhood.

So how do you build your confidence? I’m so happy you’ve asked!

Confidence for Women – Practice Self-Compassion

Use Kinder Words

While most of us would never dream of saying something mean to a friend or family member, we have no trouble saying mean things to ourselves.

It’s time to listen to what you’re saying to yourself. Even things that seem harmless, like “I’m so clumsy” add up over time.

Instead of finding fault with yourself time and time again, be kind. Listen to all of those negative things and stop saying them. Write them down and figure out something you can say to yourself that’s kinder.

Practice Self-Care

Along with being kinder to yourself with your words, practice self-care. This is something that is finally gaining some ground with both men and women and I’m so happy about that.

Why You Need Self-Care Sunday

How does self-care help you build confidence?

It shows that you value yourself enough to take care of yourself. Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted doesn’t make life fun. It makes it drag and feel like everything is insurmountable. When your recognize that you’re worth taking care of, your confidence grows.

Take Care of Yourself

Along with practicing self-care, you need to take care of yourself in other ways, like getting into a good workout habit, getting plenty of rest, and eating healthier. Each of these three things contributes to a healthier life.

Work Out

A workout routine doesn’t need to be a three-hour trip the gym five days a week. It can be as simple as a twenty or thirty minute walk most days of the week. People hate to hear the word workout, but make it what works best for you. Throughout my life, I’ve fit workouts into different places. Now that I’m an old retired guy, my workout is walking along the beach each morning. When I was still living in Boston, though, it was the P90X workout.

Get Plenty of Rest

Sleep is also something people don’t give enough thought to. Everyone works so hard and for so long every day that sleep is almost incidental. While there’s no right answer to how much sleep should you get, there is an amount that works best for you. You probably even know what it is. You know when you get seven or eight hours of sleep, you feel better rested and able to tackle the day.

Track your sleep for a couple of weeks and note when you feel the most rested. Once you know how much sleep works for you, aim for getting that much sleep every night.

Adopt a Healthier Lifestyle

And lastly, eating healthy is something we should all do. I read a recent study that indicates a new type of diabetes – Type 3. At this time, Type 3 diabetes is an unofficial term for a link between Alzheimer’s disease and some aspects of Types 1 and 2 diabetes. One of the risk factors for Type 3 diabetes is excess body weight.

I don’t know about you, but that’s reason enough for me to keep myself in shape! Being overweight poses other risks to your body, puts stress on your heart, and makes it more challenging to do activities you want to do.

Confidence for Women – Be a Learner

I love to learn, whether it’s a new skill or just a fun fact about someone or something. Growing your skillset, regardless of what aspect of your life it’s in, will build your confidence.

It might be past time for a definition of confidence, so let’s do that now.

Confidence is your belief in your ability to do something.

Now, you can see how developing a skill, or learning a new skill will help you build your confidence.

The better at something you become, the more confident you are in your ability to do that thing, but it also transfers to your overall confidence level.

Additionally, it shows you that you can grow and become better at something, which gives you more courage to try more new things. It just builds upon itself and keeps growing and growing!

Of course, I haven’t even mentioned how much fun it is too.

Build Confidence by Starting with Small, Achievable Goals

Create your life plan today.

As you set and achieve smaller goals, you also build your confidence. It’s like learning new things. Once you see that you can master something, you feel more confident to try something else.

Once you see that you can reach a small goal, you’re more likely to try to reach bigger goals, each one growing your confidence a little more.

Smaller goals will build your confidence in small ways, and that’s still good. Larger goals achieved grow your confidence in an even larger way. By achieving a few smaller ones, you aren’t waiting months and months for the reward of achieving the goal.

My funny story about reaching a goal

Confidence for Women – Hang Out with Confident Women

It might be time to assess your friend list. We tend to draw people to us who are most like us, so if your confidence has been low for a while, your friends may also lack confidence. When you all go out together, it might go something like this.

You meet for girls’ night at a local hangout. Immediately, someone starts talking negatively about either a friend who isn’t there or a woman you don’t know who’s also at the venue. Who she is doesn’t matter.

This type of behavior breeds more bad behavior and gossiping. The problem is that this type of behavior shows a lack of confidence and also often highlights what each person feels is inadequate or ‘wrong’ with their own bodies or lives.

Someone who picks on another person because they’re overweight often feels they’re overweight too. If you choose to pick on her clothing, you don’t feel comfortable in your own. It isn’t always true but pay attention to how you and your friends act around one another, as well as what you find wrong with other people.

As you work on building your confidence, work on finding friends who will support you, regardless of where you are in your journey. Maybe one or two of your current friends do this now. They’re keepers.

Don’t hang out with people who spend more time gossiping than they do working on their own lives. Definitely don’t hang out with someone who don’t support you in your life. Good friends cheer you on and build you up.

Build Your Confidence with Mindfulness

When you’re mindful, you’re living in this moment right here. While you’re reading, you’re just reading, you aren’t also watching television, listening to the radio, or thinking about what you need to do next.

Live in each moment. Don’t look back and don’t look forward. You can’t change the past so there’s no point in reliving it.

When you stay present in this moment, you avoid experiencing stress and anxiety, both of which are caused by living in the past or future.

Take some time and just sit. What do you smell? What do you see? What do you hear? Enjoy each one. Notice your surroundings. How do the surroundings make you feel? I could argue that this is a form of self-care, which is a bonus!

Try to focus less on worrying about things that have already happened or things that might happen. Those thoughts steal your joy and push you into regret and anxiety. They do you no good.

Confidence for Women – Walk the Walk

Anyone who understands confidence can spot someone with low confidence right away. I was recently in a local retail shop and needed to speak to the person at the register. He never once looked me in the eyes, telling me he lacked confidence.

Some other signals of low confidence include:

Hair covering your eyes or wearing dark glasses
Slouched shoulders
Shying away from conversations
Arms folded across your body
Speaking critically of yourself
Comparing yourself to others
An undying effort to be perfect all of the time
Trouble accepting compliments

Even if you don’t feel confident yet, try to walk tall without hiding your eyes. Make eye contact, even if just for a moment, with people you walk by. Flash a smile for bonus points. Also, be more aware of your body language. When you catch yourself crossing your arms, just gently allow them to fall to your sides.

This is how confident men and losers decide who they’ll approach in a bar. The loser will approach the woman who’s sitting a little away from her friends or isn’t engaged in their conversation. The confident man will approach the woman who’s laughing and having a great time, totally engaged with her friends.

Dress Confidently to Be More Confident

How you dress tells people, in particular men, a lot about you. I remember being out with a few friends a couple of years ago. I watched a woman in her fifties walk into the restaurant and immediately knew she had low confidence. How?

She was wearing an outfit that was entirely too revealing. Her cleavage was very exposed and her dress was entirely too tight, and short. I later saw her with her date, and I could gather from the conversation I heard when walking by that it was a first date, probably an online find.

Men like mystery. If you’re showing off your body, you’re leaving nothing to their imagination. On top of that, it tells a man that you don’t believe you have any attributes to hold his attention aside from your looks. It also, falsely or not, may send a signal that you’re open to sex on a first date, which is also a sign of low confidence.

Be Confident in Who You Truly Are

How are you living your life right now? Is this the life you dreamed of, or is this the life someone else thought up for you? Are you afraid that if you be yourself, people won’t like you?

I can guarantee that if you can figure out who you really want to be and you can start living like you’re that woman, people will be drawn to you.

With social media as predominant as it is now, being genuine has gained some traction. People don’t want to deal with those who feel the need to be fake. They want the real deal and they’ve learned how to sniff out the fakes.

Outside of that, why wouldn’t you want to be yourself? Wear the clothing you like. Enjoy the job you really want to do. Live in the surroundings that make you happy. If you don’t like something, work on replacing it.

When you work to be someone you think people will like instead of being yourself, you’re the one who suffers the most. You’re depriving people who love you, or could love you if they knew you, of the wonderful woman inside!

Confident women aren’t fake. Their attitude is love it or leave it. It’s someone else’s loss if they don’t want to hang out with you, not yours!

Confidence for Women – Chase Your Passions

What lights you up? What energizes you and makes you want to act? Life without passion is flat and unexciting. If you don’t have something you’re passionate about now, it’s time to find something!

When you’re passionate, you can’t be weak. The two cannot co-exist. Not to mention that people sense your passion, and they want to come along with you, wherever you’re going. My assistant encouraged me for several years to do videos. She said I was so passionate and that I should show you that passion, so you’d know how much I want to help you.

She was right. After I did the first couple of videos and got the hang of it, I loved it. And she’s right, I love talking about the topics I choose to speak with you about. I get energy when the two of us brainstorm a new book or a new idea for you. I have passion!

To find your passion, try different hobbies. Volunteer for different causes. Get involved in charities. Look for local groups that are doing things you’re interested in. You’ll find it if you try!

Take Charge to Feel More Confident

Who’s running your life these days? You might think it’s you, but is it? Or do you live in a way in which others will accept you. In other words, do you do things because you think others will like you if you do, or do you do them because you want to?

When you don’t feel very confident, there’s a tendency to make choices that you think others will find acceptable. You may choose trendy clothing, even though you’d rather be wearing something else.

You might get the current haircut style, even though you prefer your hair to be longer or shorter. You may even live in an area you don’t particularly like because it’s the place to live, never mind that it costs a lot and you can barely afford it.

Being confident means not caring what other people think. You’re being your genuine self. People need to either like you for who you are or not, and if they don’t, it’s their loss, not yours.

Acceptance is something we all strive for, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of who you truly are inside.

So, it’s time to take charge of your life and decide what hairstyle compliments your features, what hair color you like, where you want to live, and what you want to wear. Work at the job you want to have, not one that everyone thinks is awesome.

Take charge!

Growing Confidence for Women by Building Others Up

When you focus your energy on building others up, it helps you as well. Confident women want others to succeed too. A confident leader will be sure to lift up her employees. A confident parent will lift up her children. A confident employee will help her coworkers.

How can you do this?

Offer Encouragement

Encourage someone to reach a goal or even set goals. Ask someone if they need help, or if you see they do, just step up and do what needs to be done. Some folks are afraid to ask for help, but grateful to receive it.

Share Knowledge

Kindly sharing what you know with others is a great way to encourage, as long as it’s done in a helpful and compassionate way. Help a child learn a new skill, or help a coworker learn a new aspect of their job.

Be Supportive

People often hide what they’re going through, but if you know someone well enough, you can see when your support might be helpful. If someone comes to you with a problem or concern, be a great listener and offer that encouragement where they need it most.

Forgive

People think that if they forgive someone for something they did that it makes what happened okay. The truth is that forgiveness is for you. A confident woman doesn’t hold grudges and she doesn’t give other people space in her head. When you forgive someone, you aren’t saying that what they did was okay. You’re saying you are a big enough person to forgive them. In fact, you don’t even need to tell the other person that they’re forgiven. Just say it to yourself.

Institute a Zero Gossip Rule

Gossip is for people with low confidence. Finding fault with others means you’re ignoring the things that need to be repaired in your own life. Aside from that, gossip is catty behavior and beyond that of a confident woman. When you’re confident, you don’t want to spend time criticizing others because you’re too busy living your life. Gossip isn’t building up, it’s tearing down.

Give

Giving to others is a great way to build someone up. Whether you give a financial donation, the gift of your time or energy, or something someone needs, like groceries or furniture you aren’t using, giving makes everyone feel good. Giving is a selfless act that shows empathy and encourages others in their time of need.

Confidence for Women – Do Things Alone

I wish I knew where the stigma of being alone came from because I’d wipe it out at the root. There is nothing wrong with going out to dinner by yourself or going to a movie alone. Who cares what other people think? You’ll never see those people again anyway. The first time you do it, it might feel a little intimidating, but just facing that will help you build confidence. Get comfortable doing things alone and you’ll feel much better!

Admit it When You Just Don’t Know Something

It’s okay not to know something. It’s the sign of confidence when you’re able to admit you don’t know something and are willing to ask for help.

Many feel it’s a sign of weakness, and even fear they’ll lose their job if they don’t know how to do something, but your boss will respect you more if you admit you don’t know and ask for assistance.

That’s a Wrap on Confidence for Women

The truth is that confidence doesn’t grow without effort on your part. It’s also true that if your confidence is really low, you might need to seek professional help to get the ball rolling.

There’s no shame in it and quite frankly, these steps might be more than you can handle right now. They’re tools to put into your toolbox, but if you find them difficult or insurmountable even, seek professional help.

Confidence improves all areas of your life. The changes you’ll experience are amazing, but you must do the work. It isn’t something you can work on today, then skip a few days. Each day, doing something to grow your confidence will help you get where you want to be.

I know that sounds like a lot, but really, some of the things I’ve shared with you above are things that might take a few minutes each day, not hours. Knowing that you need to build your confidence is a great first step.

Consider getting a journal so you can write every day about your journey. In six months, if you’ve been working on these things by yourself or with a professional, you should see a profound difference.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey. Be sure to check out the resources you’ll find on this page for more help!

The first confidence building book for women and a best-seller, Comfortable in Your Own Shoes will prepare you to meet great men and enjoy a happy and fulfilling life. And not just any life, but a life you design for yourself. YOUR life your way!

Are you ready to start planning that great life? Click below to get started today! There’s no time like now to live your life on your terms!

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