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How Soon is Too Soon to Propose?

Build a Great Relationship, Date Great Men

Gregg, I’ve been dating this guy for a couple of months, and I really like him, but how soon is too soon to propose?

I’m afraid that if you’re asking this question, you might not like my answer, but let’s dive into this topic and see if we can come to an agreement.

Short versus Long-Term Gratification

There’s a popular study often called the Marshmallow Study, during which a researcher gave a group of four-year-olds one big fluffy marshmallow. The children were told that if they could wait to eat the marshmallow until the researcher returned from running a quick errand, they would get not one, but two big fluffy marshmallows.

Some children ate theirs, others did not during the fifteen-minute absence of the researcher.

Many years later, the researcher followed up with these same people. The research showed that the children who couldn’t wait as four-year-olds were still seeking short-term gratification while the children who were able to wait then now also enjoyed the gift of waiting for long-term gratification and had happier lives overall.

In other words, if you wait longer, there is usually a higher reward, in this case, a greater chance of success in the marriage and a happier relationship.

How Soon is Too Soon to Propose?

It can feel like each week is a month long if you’re waiting for a long-term commitment, especially if you feel a strong connection to a guy.

But slow down friend. Let’s make sure that before you dig into a commitment like marriage that you’re sure this guy is worthy of you and that your relationship is truly on course for long-term success.

The truth is that the longer you’re able to wait, the better, within limits of course. Let’s look at some signs that it’s too soon.

It’s Been Less Than a Year

While it’s true that some couples get engaged faster, your odds of success increase the longer you wait.

Within that first year, you may still be in the honeymoon phase, and if you aren’t, you probably aren’t long out of it.

It’s unlikely that you’ve experienced enough together to know for sure that you’re a good fit for one another. You’ll understand better after you finish reading.

You Don’t Know Much About One Another

It takes time to get to know someone really well. Even if you’ve made the mistake of sharing too much too soon, you still don’t know the important things.

Learning about someone comes more through experiences together and less through their words. He may say he loves kids, then whenever you’re around your nieces and nephews, he shies away. That’s your real answer.

You should know what he does for a living and what his goals are for his career. The two of you should be comfortable sharing your vulnerabilities as well. These things may seem small, but they add up over time.

You’ve Either Had Ugly Arguments or No Arguments

A good relationship has disagreements, but if both parties are good communicators, those arguments don’t get ugly.

Instead, you learn how to navigate them, and you work through things together.

If you’ve never argued, you aren’t being honest with one another. One or both of you are afraid to express your true opinions, which means there isn’t a great feeling of trust between you yet.

One of Both of You are Struggling Financially

Entering a marriage on solid footing is challenging enough. Entering one when one or both of you are struggling financially brings many new challenges to the situation.

If you’ve read my articles and followed my advice, you already have your financial act together, but if you haven’t, it’s time.

Financial soundness isn’t just something I recommend for your relationship; it’s something you should strive for regardless. It provides you with a freedom that’s hard to ignore. It also proves to any interested man that you want him for more than his financial support.

How do You Know It’s Time

Some believe that two years is a good timeframe to use, but setting a definitive timeframe doesn’t take into consideration the characteristics of your individual relationship.

For example, if you have a long-distance relationship due to living apart or military deployment, you’re not spending as much time together as a couple who lives in the same area.

When you live close, you may enjoy one or two date nights a week, maybe even more. But if you don’t live close enough, you may get one date a month or less if it’s military-based.

It’s the time you spend together that will better determine a timeframe. Of course, this doesn’t mean that if you’re long distance you need to wait a lot longer, but you do need to make sure that you know one another well enough to consider such a big step.

You’re Still in the Honeymoon or Infatuation Stage

One problem with jumping into marriage too soon is that you might not be giving the relationship enough time to stretch past the honeymoon phase when everything is glowing and fun. The chemistry is high, and you’re very attracted to one another.

As you can read in the article linked above, there are many dangers of a proposal during this initial phase of your relationship, not the least of which is ignoring the red flags.

This stage is a highly emotional stage of the relationship, which overrides your overall ability to use logical thought. The chemistry is hot and all you want to do is spend time together.

The problem is that if you do see red flags, you’ll dismiss them as inconsequential. You can read more about dating with your head, not your heart here.

Another risk is wanting to spend so much time with your new guy that you give up your life outside of the relationship. Your hobbies and activities with your friends are sidelined to spend more time with your guy.

But, you need time apart from one another too. Even when you’re living together or married, you need time to yourselves.

This stage is also at risk where honesty is concerned. During this phase, you’re essentially trying to market yourself to the other person. You want to put your best foot forward, and that may not fully reflect who you are.

And, of course, the last leads us back to our topic for today. In the honeymoon phase, you may have higher than reasonable expectations for your relationship, thinking you’re ready for a long-term commitment way before you really are. Expect this stage to last three to twelve months.

You’re Able to Communicate Effectively

Poor communication is a relationship killer. If you can’t talk to one another, how can you have a good relationship?

The problem is that people think of communication as talking, few realize it’s also about listening. In fact, one could argue that listening is more important than talking.

Another problem with communication is that some folks communicate through yelling. This intimidating form of communication is akin to bullying and gets you nowhere. Couples who yell often have problems staying together.

A third problem with communication is when people can’t be honest or share their vulnerabilities. It’s scary to tell someone about your soft underbelly and men are as afraid of this as women. But once your relationship settles in and moves past infatuation, you should feel more comfortable sharing.

You’ve Discussed Marriage

You’ve been dating for a few months, and you hear wedding bells, but how does he feel about marriage? Conversely, how badly would you feel if you didn’t want to get married and he proposed?

Even early in dating, it’s okay to discuss marriage in general. Feel one another out about marriage and even kids. While he might be into marriage, he might not want kids while you can hear your biological clock ticking loudly.

Better to know where you each stand on the topic before you get too far into things, and someone has higher expectations than the other person is willing to commit to.

You’ve Met the Important People

You can learn a lot about a man by how he treats others and how they treat him. With his family, examine how he treats the females in his family. Is he close with them? Do they respect him?

The last thing you want is the family saying Honey, run away before it’s too late! And this does happen! A family who knows their guy is a schmuck but likes you will advise you to get out. Take their advice.

With his friends, you can look at whether they respect him and how they are around him. Also, this is a good time to look at how he treats you when you’re out with his friends. He should not ignore you and should protect you. He should treat you with respect regardless of where you are, to be honest.

You’ve Passed Some Important Milestones Together

Marriages are challenging enough without jumping in too soon. A relationship that’s been well-tested has passed a few milestones.

The first is that you’ve experienced and survived an argument. You learn how you both handle a disagreement between you and whether you’re each willing and able to forgive after.

No relationship is perfect, so knowing how this shakes out is very important to your long-term success. If you can’t argue well, all bets are off. It will be a rocky ride.

Another dynamic to settle is how your marriage will be run. Is he in charge? Are you? Do you share in the control of the relationship? Do you want kids? Who will stay home with them, if anyone?

A third hurdle is traveling together. You learn a lot about someone when they’re away from home. It’s a more stressful situation because you’re in unfamiliar territory. Flights get cancelled. Bad weather creeps up. Hotel rooms turn out to be mold infested. You get to see one another at your best and worst.

Plus, you’re spending nearly 100% of your time together. Does this bring you closer together or make you feel anxious?

He Has All of the Traits of a Good Man

Just last week, I posted an article about the qualities in a good man. You can find it here. Make sure your guy checks a lot of those boxes, specifically confidence and great communication.

If he has one or two of those traits, but that’s it, it doesn’t make him a good man. You want him to have most of those traits, not just a couple.

You also want to make sure that while he exhibits those traits early on, he continues to do so after the infatuation has dissipated and you’re seeing more of his true self.

You Consider Yourselves a Unit

Your best friend texts and invites you to a party at her house this weekend to celebrate her thirtieth birthday. Do you say, “Yeah sure I’ll be there” or “Year sure we’ll be there”? It’s subtle but important.

Additionally, when you think of your future, do you include him? Is it we or I? You might subconsciously already have your answer right there.

Most of Your Goals and Values Align

If one of you values family and wants a large family while the other values experiences and travel, you may have a problem.

You need to make sure that you align in the important areas of life. Where do you want to live? City? Country? Suburbs? Do you want to own or rent? Do you want to travel, live abroad, or settle down where you grew up?

These things are very important and if discussed too late can really cause problems. Make sure you’re both on the same page in whatever key areas matter to you.

The Bottom Line on How Soon is Too Soon to Propose

I’d like to say trust your gut here, but there’s more to it than that this time. Your gut is a great indicator of whether this guy is a good guy once you’re past the honeymoon phase, but just because he’s a good guy doesn’t mean it’s time to get married.

The signs above should help you decide when it’s the right time for the two of you. I can’t give you some number of months or years, just things to look for in each other and your relationship.

Take your time and build a great relationship together. Know who he is and what he stands for. Be willing to trust him and make sure you’re both excellent communicators.

This will get you off to a great start on your future lives together!

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Dating Someone with Depression

Date Great Men, Understand Men

When you’re dating someone with depression, all you want to do is make them feel better. You love them and you want them to get back to their old selves, but you don’t know what to do. How can you fix this?

The problem is that you can’t fix it. It isn’t your job. What then is your job? I’m guessing that, since you’re here, you’ve been scouring the Internet looking for ways to fix your guy. Your heart breaks at his despair.

What Not to do When Dating Someone with Depression

Let’s first examine the mistakes people make in this situation. You don’t do these things to intentionally cause harm, but they may do just that.

Don’t Argue with Their Feelings

People with depression often have very negative thought patterns. You telling them that they’re wrong doesn’t help them because they believe this very strongly.

You can try to tell him what a wonderful man you think he is, but he won’t believe you because his own negative thoughts are too strong.

Instead, you’re likely to cause a disconnect and greater distance between you, and that’s the opposite of what you’re trying to do.

Accepting him as he is is a very powerful way to show your support without trying to change his narrative. Try to encourage him to share his feelings, knowing that this is very difficult for a man. He might not really know why he feels sad or hopeless but sometimes talking it out can help the cause pop through.

Don’t Get Upset When He Can’t Participate

Depression makes people want to curl up in the safety of their space and shut out the world. It decreases sex drive as well.

If you have plans with him and he bails, don’t get upset. He’s battling his internal voices, and the battle is just too hard in that moment. Instead, be understanding and suggest you reschedule for another time. Let him know you understand and aren’t angry.

If your sex life has fallen off, it’s the depression. Don’t go into a long speech about whether he still loves you or if you aren’t attractive to him any longer. He simply isn’t interested right now. It’s the depression talking, not his love for or attraction to you.

When he bails on your plans, go out and do something anyway. You don’t need to flaunt it in his face, but he may find comfort in knowing he didn’t ruin your evening. Going out anyway can also help you avoid feeling angry or frustrated at a situation you cannot control.

Set and Maintain Boundaries

Just because he’s battling depression doesn’t mean he has a license to treat you badly. You should already have boundaries about how you’re willing to be treated and those should stay firmly in place.

Of course, this doesn’t apply to him canceling his plans on you, as you just read. It does, however, apply to times when he may lash out at you with coarse language or personal attacks.

It’s okay for you to say I’m really sorry James, but as I’ve told you before, it isn’t okay for you to speak to me that way. I’m going to head out for a while so we can both calm down.”

In saying this, you’re reminding him of the boundary – that it isn’t okay for him to speak to you that way, and you’re calmly extricating yourself from the situation.

You don’t need to walk on eggshells around someone with depression. They are still responsible for their own actions.

Don’t Spend 100% of Your Time on Him

It’s never healthy to make a man your hobby, and even less so when he’s battling depression. He needs time to deal with his feelings and you need to be sure you’re taking care of yourself.

In fact, sometimes it’s a good idea to find your own therapy to help you deal with the repercussions of dating someone with depression.

You may also discover a pattern in yourself that helps you understand why you are attracted to someone who’s battling depression, if this seems to be the type of man you find.

Don’t Fight this Battle Alone

There are support groups you can look to for support and guidance. These are people who have been where you are and feel what you’re feeling right now.

It’s okay to seek help for yourself as a way of helping your relationship. The people in these groups won’t shame you or belittle you, but they may help you see where you can do things differently, either for your partner or for yourself.

How to Succeed at Dating Someone with Depression

Now that you know what not to do, let’s look at some tools you can employ to succeed in this journey.

Watch for Signs of Suicidal Thinking

Suicide is a real danger to someone battling depression. There are signs you can look for to make sure your guy isn’t sliding into this state. These signs are from the Suicide Prevention Resource Center:

Talking about feeling unbearable pain
Having a fascination about death or talking about a recent death
Feeling hopeless, worthless, or trapped
Feeling guilt, shame, or anger
Believing they are a burden to others
A recent suicide attempt
Increased drug or alcohol use
Losing interest in personal appearance or hygiene
Withdrawing from family, friends, and community
Saying goodbye to friends and family
Giving away prized possessions
A recent episode of depression, emotional distress, or anxiety
Changes in eating/sleeping patterns
Becoming violent or a victim of violence
Expressing rage
Recklessness

Help Him Explore Treatment Options

There is no shame in exploring treatment for depression. There are drugs and treatments available to help the brain chemistry get rebalanced. Additionally, it can help to talk to someone who can help sort out all of the negative thought processes that are flooding his thoughts.

Suggest that he reach out to his family doctor for advice on how to proceed. You shouldn’t make these appointments for him, but you can talk to him about the help that’s out there.

Offer the Support He Needs

When you’re battling depression, even the simplest tasks can seem overwhelming. For example, “Can I help you look up that phone number?” or “Can I drive you to your appointment and wait outside?”

More general questions like how can I help might be too difficult to answer because they don’t know what they need.

Be careful, however, not to be pushy. If he says no, it’s no.

Acknowledge His Victories

Small wins are everything when you’re battling depression. Just getting up and putting clothes on can be a challenge.

While it’s important not to belittle him, it’s also important to help him see his small victories, as they are usually quite big to him.

“Joe, I’m so proud of you. I know it took a lot of strength.”

Be Loving and Concerned

When you battle depression, you usually feel pretty badly about yourself. It’s okay to tell him that you love and respect him, in fact, it may help in some small way.

But it’s also okay to tell him your concerns. Sometimes, this is the motivating factor for people seeking help. It isn’t their own feelings that sends them, but the concerns of others.

Jake, I love you and I know it’s difficult for you to get out of bed, but I’m concerned for you. I’m afraid that if you don’t get some help now, your job will be in jeopardy and that will only make things worse. I need you and I want you to get help.”

Skip the Judgmental Thoughts

People with depression feel isolated. It’s like floating on an island with no life raft and nobody to talk to.

If he does share something with you, don’t judge his thoughts. Instead, encourage him to share his thoughts.

My body just feels so heavy.

That sounds very challenging. Can you tell me more?

Gently, not forcefully, encourage him to share more about how he’s feeling. Sharing might be a source of light. He may feel a sense of connection that will help him feel less isolated.

Take Care of Yourself

Just because he’s battling depression doesn’t mean you toss your own care out the window. It’s more important than ever that you make sure to practice self-care. Take time for yourself, whether it’s a walk, reading a book, or gardening. Whatever you can do to feel like you’re recharging your own batteries is great.

Educate Yourself About Depression

Do your research, and not just a few blog articles. Look for professional work on battling depression and what that means.

Dating someone with depression can cause you to feel out of control of the situation. When you gain knowledge about something, it helps you feel more in control. You’ll see the depression for what it is and feel less likely to blame yourself, or your partner, for the depression.

The truth is that he can’t just wish away his depression. It doesn’t work like that. This is an illness, a disease, just like the flu or cancer.

Try to Get Him to Exercise with You

As difficult as it is to get out of bed for someone with depression, the benefits of exercise can’t be ignored. Even if you just get him to go for a short walk, you’re stirring up some endorphins that will help him feel a little better.

Dating Someone with Depression

In the end, this isn’t your problem to solve. The most you can do is be supportive and offer kindness and empathy.

Your guy is going through something that is, for the most part, beyond his control. What is within his control is seeking professional help, and your job there can be as a support system. Offer to help him find someone if it feels too overwhelming for him. Offer to drive him if he doesn’t seem to want to do so himself.

Patience with the situation will help you both, as will your flexibility with his inability to participate in your dating life sometimes.

Above all, know that this isn’t about you, so don’t make it so. He has enough battles without trying to battle your issues.

Group environments full of people who are going through what you are can be most helpful in your journey to be a supportive girlfriend. Make sure that you’re taking care of yourself too so that you can be the best version of yourself possible.

With professional help, he can heal from his depression and he will be grateful for your patience and support.

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Dating for Widows: How to Get Back Into dating as a widow

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Widowhood is nothing to joke about or take lightly, and neither is the topic of dating for widows. You’ve been through a very difficult time in your life and now may feel as if you’re emerging on the other side of grief and ready to get back out there.

When people first think of widows, the image of an elderly woman pops up, but not all widows are elderly women. You may have lost your young husband after a bout of cancer or because he was in the military, had an accident, or a host of other reasons.

I’m so sorry that this is the topic you had to search to find a happy relationship again, and I’m here for you. What do you say we work through this together, okay?

How do You Know When You’re Ready to Date?

This is the most important question to ask yourself. Rushing back into dating before you’re ready will not end well for you or any potential new man. There are some things you can look for that will help you know.

Your Grief Isn’t All-Consuming

It’s perfectly normal to grieve the loss of a spouse, and there are stages you go through along the way. You’ve likely experienced sadness, denial, and anger before arriving at acceptance.

It’s when you reach the acceptance stage of grief that you know you’re possibly ready to date again.

The grief, while still present, isn’t something that consumes you all of the time, instead creeping in and out for moments of time. This is normal and healthy.

You Have a Positive Outlook Again

Betty’s husband had Alzheimer’s that took a hard turn into a bad place. He was hallucinating and experiencing delusions; he became violent and had suddenly lost some physical functions. Within five weeks of this sudden turn, Betty’s husband was gone.

While the initial shock was overwhelming, Betty told her children that her husband had been gone for many years. Still, her children noticed that she wasn’t doing any of the hobbies she had previously enjoyed.

They spent time with her and slowly noticed that she was slowly getting back into things she’d previously enjoyed.

While there are still moments of grief, Betty is now fully back into her hobbies, has redone her bedroom, and seems like the person her children remember. She has returned to a positive outlook.

You Can Remember

When your grief has settled some, you’re able to talk about your spouse and share memories without feeling consumed with grief. Sure, you may feel a little sadness, but overall, you can talk about him without falling to pieces.

You might even feel comfortable sharing those stories with a potential partner somewhere down the line.

You’ve Re-Established Your Social Life

Getting back out there socially shows that you’re moving past the most consuming grief. In addition to rekindling your social life with your friends, you feel excited about the prospect of meeting new men too.

You Want a Connection, not a Replacement

Initially, you may feel the loss of your spouse and want to replace that feeling of love and companionship, but in truth, you cannot replace someone in your heart.

When you’re ready to date, you’ll realize that you want to form a new connection, not replace your spouse.

I know that it feels like word play but there is a difference. The desire for companionship with someone new isn’t the same as wanting to replace a lost love.

There is No Time Frame

Only you know when you’re ready. Others may try to push you either to get back into dating sooner than you’re ready or try to get you to hold off because they don’t want you to be hurt again.

They mean well, but only you truly know whether you’re ready.

The most important thing is not to try to date too soon. I know that your heart is aching for your lost love but wait until that constant ache turns into something less frequent.

The only timeframe you need to worry about is the one that lets you know when you’re ready.

You Can Live on Your Own

It’s possible that your husband handled many of the affairs of the home, like paying bills and arranging for maintenance. This isn’t a sexist comment, just throwing out the possibility.

It may also be that you’ve never lived on your own before and feel intimidated by the possibility.

You need to be able to handle all of this before you take on a new relationship. You should have a strong handle on your finances and also know what’s going on in your own home. Feel comfortable living alone, or just you and your kids, whatever your situation may be.

Dating for Widows: How to Get Back Out There

Once you’re sure you’re ready to date, how should you go about it? Depending on how long you were with your spouse, dating may have changed quite a bit since the last time you tried it.

Don’t Expect Everyone to Be on Board

Some people in your life might feel like you’re betraying your husband by dating again, but I can guarantee you that any great man would not want you to be alone for the rest of your life.

Your spouse wants you to be happy. Their objections more likely tell you that they aren’t as far along in the grieving process as you are. Give them time, but don’t let them dictate your actions.

If you think you’re ready, kindly tell them that you appreciate their concern, but you’re going to do what you think is best for you.

Don’t Compare New Men to Your Spouse

You’ll never find another man like the man you lost, but that’s okay. Nobody is perfect. Your husband wasn’t and neither will your new man be perfect.

Instead of looking for someone who’s like your husband, try to open your mind to the possibility of dating someone different.

In fact, date several different types of men. The first man you meet isn’t likely to be the one anyway.

As you date these different types of men, do a little debriefing after to think about what you liked and didn’t like. Some guys warrant a second or even a third date while others are a hard no right away.

Just make sure that the comparisons you’re making aren’t do your spouse, but that you’re comparing them to the type of man who’s right for you now.

Be Honest

You don’t need to tell a new man within the first five minutes that you’re a widow but be honest with him that you’re just getting back into the dating scene and you want to take things slowly.

The goal of dating is to get to know someone better and determine if you’re a fit. It isn’t step one to the altar.

You might date a couple of men and find that it still hurts too much. Be honest with those men and tell them you need more time to heal.

If you’re having a wonderful time on a date and all of a sudden, tears creep up for no apparent reason, be honest that you’re just grieving a little. Most men will understand and be patient.

Don’t Rush Yourself

The glow of a new relationship can cause people to feel like they need to rush to the next step.

Don’t.

As I said before, date several men, and yes, it’s okay to date several men at once. Until you’ve made a commitment to one, it’s okay to date a few at once. This helps you compare, boosts your dating confidence, and also injects a little competition.

Not that you need to tell men that you’re dating others, they’ll sense it because they’re probably dating other women too.

Don’t Make New Men Your Therapists

Dating isn’t about spending hours talking about your pain. If you need that, it may be time to seek a professional therapist.

Drowning your sorrows on a date is a real downer, especially on a date. This is a sure-fire way to let a new man know that you aren’t yet over the old one.

Date Multiple Men

I mentioned this previously, but it’s important to talk about it again. The ‘old fashioned’ way of dating was to date a guy and eventually get married.

Things are different now.

It’s okay, and even advised, to date multiple men at the same time. I don’t mean you should turn into a hookup machine. I’m saying it’s okay to accept a date from two or three men and not feel guilty.

I guarantee you that men are doing this, and you have no commitment to these men. You’re simply trying one another on to see if you want to keep seeing one another. Sometimes, you know on the first date. The chemistry isn’t there or he’s not at all who you thought he was going to be.

That’s okay. Say your goodbyes and move on. No guilt.

Ultimately, you’ll find yourself only dating one or two men, and eventually, someone will rise to the top.

Once you make a commitment to one another, then you should be exclusive, but you aren’t obligated to do so before then.

Know What You Want

This is where dating multiple men helps you. As you date these men, maybe keep a journal of what you like and dislike about them.

Eventually, you’ll see a trend in the traits you like and the ones you dislike, then you can slowly weed out men who have the traits you dislike and find more men with the traits you like.

This is such an important process, and you will be better for it, so don’t discount it as busy work or silly.

Problems You May Experience

This won’t be a smooth process. You’ll find some things will sneak up on you as you try to re-enter the dating world.

But if you’re prepared for them, you’ll hopefully be able to manage them easier.

Guilt

While you may pass all of the tests when it comes to determining if you’re ready to date, that doesn’t mean that you won’t have a few moments of guilt one you date.

Know that you are not being unfaithful to your spouse by dating now.

If the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you want your husband to find someone to share the remainder of his life with?

That’s what your husband wants for you now too.

This is a normal reaction to what you’re going through but know that you are not being unfaithful.

It Might Be Hard to Love Again

If you wait until you’re ready to date again, this shouldn’t pop up for you, but if it does, it’s important to know that it’s normal.

You may need to step back from dating for a while and make sure you’re ready before you try again.

You Fear You Need to Stop Loving Your Husband

Your love for your husband is real and he will always hold a place in your heart, but you don’t need to stop loving him to find love with another man.

Remember, you aren’t replacing your husband. You’re finding new companionship. Your passion for your husband can remain in your life forever, as long as it isn’t so consuming that it keeps you from being happy.

Your Children May Object

Everyone processes grief differently. While you feel ready to date, your children might not be ready for you to date yet.

This is a delicate balance, especially if your children still live at home. Don’t dismiss their feelings. They’re still grieving.

For older children, explain that you’re ready to meet other men and enjoy the companionship that may come with it.

When you have younger children, they too are still grieving, but they might not understand all of their feelings.

Explain to your kids, regardless of their age, that any man you date won’t replace their father and reassure them that it’s okay for them to love their father and like a new man in your life.

Most importantly, don’t push them.

If your children still live at home, you shouldn’t be bringing these men to your home until you’ve made sure they’re respectable human beings who won’t hurt you or your children. The man you decide to commit to is the one who should meet your kids, not the guys you date just once or twice.

You Might Be Uncertain About Your Future Goals

You might go into dating again with the idea that you just want to find someone to do things with, like going to the movie or traveling.

Then, you find yourself in love with a new man and you need to reassess what you really do want.

If you find that you still just want a companion, not another husband, that’s okay, but tell the man in your life.

If he wants marriage and you don’t, you have to work through that together.

Take some time to really think about it if you find yourself with this dilemma. You don’t need to make a decision right away, and anyone who tries to force you to is putting his insecurities off on you.

You Want to Talk About Your Husband Too Much

It’s natural for your husband to still be on your mind, but hopefully, not all of the time. Still, you might find that you slip him into your conversations with your new dates too many times.

It may be time to step back for a couple of weeks and make sure you were truly ready to date again. Having him on your mind this much is something you should move past before you date.

Dating for Widows: Wrapping Up

Probably the most important thing you can do when you consider dating again is to make sure you’re a confident, strong woman who knows what she wants and is past the extreme grief of loss.

I didn’t really talk much about confidence, but it’s as important as any of the rest of the things you read.

Confident women attract great men. Women who lack confidence attract players and losers. We both want you to find great men, so here’s where you can read up on building your confidence.

Most importantly, be patient with yourself. If you find you aren’t ready, step back and wait a couple more weeks, then try again. Eventually, you’ll be ready and then you’ll find a great man!

Unveiling the Secrets of Love: Essential Advice on Love for Women

Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After

Understanding the psychological aspects of love can greatly enhance your ability to navigate your relationships. One of the first things to understand is that love is not just a feeling, but a complex interplay of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs. It involves attachment, intimacy, and care, and these elements are influenced by both our personal experiences and our biological makeup.

Love often begins with attraction, which is largely influenced by physical appearance and shared interests. However, it’s important to note that attraction is not solely based on these factors. Psychological aspects such as personality traits, values, and attitudes also play a crucial role. Understanding this can help women to look beyond the surface when seeking a partner.

Attachment is another key psychological aspect of love. This is the deep bond that develops between people who spend a lot of time together. It’s influenced by factors such as the level of comfort, safety, and security that a person feels in the relationship. Women should understand that a healthy attachment involves a balance of dependence and independence.

Intimacy is a crucial component of love that involves sharing personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences with a partner. It’s important for women to understand that intimacy is not just physical, but also emotional and intellectual. It requires trust, openness, and mutual respect. Building intimacy takes time and effort, and it’s essential for a meaningful relationship.

Lastly, love involves care, which is the willingness to prioritize another person’s needs and happiness above your own. It’s important for women to understand that care should be reciprocal in a healthy relationship. It’s not about self-sacrifice, but about mutual support and understanding.

The Science of Attraction

When it comes to the game of love, not everything is left to chance. In fact, the attraction between two people is hardly a mystery. It’s science! Your brain, hormones, and senses all play a crucial role in determining who you find attractive. So, perhaps it’s time to delve a little into this fascinating subject.

Our Brains: Oxytocin and dopamine, two brain chemicals, largely play a role in attraction. Oxytocin, often referred to as the ‘love hormone’, is released during touch and intimacy, fostering a sense of connection and trust. Dopamine, conversely, favors the ‘reward’ system in the brain, making us feel pleasure and satisfaction. So, if you find yourself magnetically drawn to someone, you might want to thank these little participants!

Hormones: Other than those in our brains, hormones like estrogen and testosterone are key contributors as well. Interestingly, women prefer the scent of men with high testosterone levels, especially during the most fertile period of their menstrual cycle. On the other hand, men are attracted to women with higher levels of estrogen, which suggests femininity and fertility. It appears as if nature has its subtle ways of bringing people together!

It’s all about chemistry, literally. The secret of attraction lies in the unique combination of chemicals in our bodies.

Senses: It’s not just about seeing or talking to someone that makes them attractive – quite often it’s also about their smell! Pheromones, chemicals that are secreted in our sweat and other body fluids, are believed to play a crucial role in attraction. They are subtly carried through the air, triggering specific responses among members of the same species. So next time you find someone’s scent strangely alluring, remember it might be their pheromones working!

Last but not least, looking attractive often extends beyond sheer physicality. The way a person thinks, their perspectives, and their sense of humor can all significantly impact perceived attractiveness. So, while understanding the science of attraction is fascinating, remember that every person is unique, and it’s that uniqueness which will ultimately make them truly irresistible.

Advice on Love and Attachment

Let’s touch on a crucial aspect of love: attachment. Attachment refers to a deep emotional bond with someone else. It’s the feeling that keeps you coming back for more, the one that triggers your heart to beat faster when you see your loved one, and gives you the shivers when you hear their voice.

While everyone experiences attachment differently, there are several universal stages that most people pass through. Allow me to walk you through them, and help you navigate this essential part of a blossoming relationship.

The stages of attachment

Initial attraction: This is sparked by physical attraction, shared interests, or a magnetic personality. It’s during this stage that you’ll likely feel butterflies in your stomach and an intense interest in getting to know the other person more. It’s exciting, but remember, it’s only the first step of many.
Building a connection: Here, you’ll start spending time together and exploring shared experiences. You’ll get to know each other on a deeper level, revealing your true selves, and potentially even revealing your vulnerabilities. It’s when infatuation gives birth to deeper emotions.
Mutual recognition of attachment: This is when it ‘clicks.’ You both acknowledge your feelings and decide you want to be in a relationship. As joyful as it can be, it should also be a period of serious discussion—about exclusivity, future plans, and shared expectations.
Lasting attachment: This is the long term, the ‘through thick and thin.’ It’s when you’ve developed a genuine understanding and acceptance of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. You’re not just in love with the idea of the person; you love who they genuinely are.

Note: It’s necessary to understand these phases are a guide, not a rule. Everyone’s journey is unique; you may sail through these stages quickly, linger in others, or skip one altogether.

How to nurture your attachment

Attachment doesn’t remain static; instead, it grows and strengthens with time and effort. Good communication, trust, respect, and space for individuality are a few key elements that can help you nurture healthier attachments. These characteristics lay the foundation for a meaningful relationship, helping your love grow stronger and deeper over time.

Attachment is the long-lasting bond that keeps couples together. It’s the glue that can make your relationship survive the highs and lows, the laughter, and the tears, to appreciate the beautiful shared moments and to withstand the challenging ones. Love well, and on your terms.

After all, there are no ‘perfect relationships’ – only perfectly imperfect ones, beautiful in their unique ways. Remember, love is as much about the journey as it is about the destination.

What Intimacy is and What it is Not

Understanding intimacy’s true nature can transform your love life dramatically. Many women confuse sexual attraction and physical closeness with intimacy, but it goes much deeper. Intimacy is about a strong emotional connection, vulnerability, and about being open and comfortable in each other’s emotional space.

Let’s clear a few misconceptions about intimacy:

Intimacy isn’t solely physical: While physical closeness can help foster it, true intimacy stems from emotional bond and mutual understanding.
Intimacy doesn’t require sacrifice: It’s not about losing your personal boundaries and self-respect. Each party can maintain their individuality while still being intimately connected.
Intimacy can’t be hurried: It naturally evolves over time as trust builds within the relationship.

With that understanding, let’s talk about ways to foster genuine intimacy.

Strategies to Foster Intimacy

Building an authentic, profound, intimate connection requires intentional effort. Here are a few strategies to help deepen your relationships:

Communicate Openly: Share your dreams, fears, hopes and insecurities. Open communication enables you to understand and empathize with your partner’s emotional world.
Show Emotional Transparency: Express your feelings sincerely, however you’re feeling. Allow your partner to see the real you, fostering a sense of trust and closeness.
Actively Listen: Practice active listening, which means focusing completely on your partner when they speak, showing interest, and offering supportive feedback.
Establish Boundaries: Define your limits and respect your partner’s boundaries too. Intimacy is not about losing individuality but about harmonizing two different individuals.

Remember, love and relationships are rarely a smooth journey. They come with their fair share of challenges and turbulences. However, with authenticity, mutual respect, and patience, you can cultivate the intimacy that’s both rewarding and nourishing.

Advice on Love and Prioritizing One Another’s Needs

Love is a unique journey, not a one-size-fits-all roadmap. It means different things to different people, and similarly, everyone has unique needs, expectations, and dreams. To forge a lasting relationship, you mustn’t only understand your own needs but also those of your partner. Prioritizing each other’s needs doesn’t mean neglecting yours. Instead, it’s about creating a mutual platform where you both can thrive.

Prioritizing each other’s needs involves paying attention, active listening, empathy, and taking deliberate actions to address those needs. In this section, I’ll dive into how you can achieve this successfully.

Understanding Your Partner’s Needs

Every individual is unique and so are their needs. Your partner’s needs could range from emotional support, validation, affection, space, excitement, or even shared activities. Encourage open and honest communication, giving your love the freedom to express what they really want and need from the relationship. The aim isn’t just to understand, but to respect these needs as indicative of their individuality and uniqueness.

Empathy and Active Listening

To prioritize your partner’s needs, you must develop empathy. This means recognizing and sharing the feelings and concerns of your partner, making sure they feel understood and valued. Active listening helps you develop empathy; it’s the art of truly hearing what your partner says and understanding their perspective. Strong communication skills will ultimately affect how well you can meet each other’s needs.

Meeting the Needs

Now you’ve understood the needs, it’s time to meet them. If your partner needs more quality time, reshape your routine to incorporate more shared experiences. If they need validation, be more vocal about their strengths and achievements. Simple actions, done continuously, can take even the most routine days and transform them into special memories.

Caring for Your Own Needs

While it’s important to prioritize your partner’s needs, you should never ignore your own. Maintain a balanced approach. Express your needs clearly and resolve problems collectively. Striking a healthy balance will maintain the validity and vitality of the relationship.

Remember, prioritizing each other’s needs is never about sacrificing your own happiness or well-being. Instead, it’s about fostering a space where both of you can be yourselves and still feel loved, cherished, and understood.

Understanding What You Truly Want

Understanding what you truly want in a relationship is vital to finding and maintaining love. However, it can often appear challenging, especially due to societal pressures and expectations. Yet, don’t lose hope. Here are some tips and guidance to help you explore what you truly seek in love.

Firstly, it’s necessary to identify your core values. These are the principles that guide your life and should, ideally, align with your partner’s. Do you value honesty above all? Or is it freedom, dedication, compassion? It’s essential to establish this as it can greatly influence your relationship satisfaction.

Recognize your deal breakers. These are traits or habits that you can’t tolerate in a partner. It could be something like constant negativity, lack of ambition, or dishonesty. Don’t let the fear of ending up alone make you overlook these. A relationship that brings you more pain than joy is not worth it.

Communication and mutual respect. It’s important to remember that love is not just about passion but also about being able to share your thoughts, ideas, fears, and hopes with your partner. Furthermore, respect is indispensable for any healthy relationship – insist on it for yourself but also ensure you offer it to your partner.

Creating a mental image of your ideal relationship can be quite helpful too. Think about how you would like to interact with your partner, how you handle conflicts, the amount of independence you both have, etc. Once you’ve got it, ask yourself if this aligns with the reality of your current or prospective relationship. If it doesn’t, it’s perhaps time to reconsider.

The Role of Self-Love

When speaking of love, it’s necessary not to overlook the value of self-love. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of your mental and emotional well-being not only increases your chances of finding love but also enriches your ability to maintain it. Plus, it sets a standard for how you allow others to treat you.

Remember, love starts within you. You have to love yourself first before you can truly give and receive love from others.

Once you understand what it is you’re truly seeking, finding the right love becomes less daunting. Remember, it’s not about finding someone who fulfills all your expectations but someone with whom you can grow, someone who can become your best friend, and someone who, by adding to your life, makes it more vibrant and joyful. Thus, knowing what you truly want is the beginning of your beautiful love journey.

Advice on Love: Defining Your Relationship Goals

Before you venture into the world of love and relationships, it’s crucial to have a clear understanding of what you want out of a partnership. Defining your relationship goals not only helps direct your actions in love, but also shapes your expectations, enhancing your chances of achieving a fulfilled romantic life. Let’s delve into this.

Firstly, ask yourself what you seek in a relationship and be brutally honest. Is it companionship, physical intimacy, friendship, or a combination of these? Every individual’s desires are unique, and what works for a close friend or a family member might not work for you.

Companionship: This means wanting a partner to share life’s ups and downs.
Physical intimacy: Some people prioritize a strong physical connection with their partner.
Friendship: You might be looking for someone who can be your best friend as well as a romantic partner.

Understanding your needs and wants is only half the battle. You need to be able to communicate these desires to your potential or existing partner(s) to make sure you’re both on the same page. Otherwise, misunderstandings and unfulfilled expectations can lead to bitterness and disappointment.

Personal growth and understanding only truly comes when we invest the time and effort to explore our desires and communicate them openly.

Another integral aspect of defining relationship goals involves considerations for the future. Do you envision marriage, children, or a life of travel and adventure? Or perhaps, you would prefer to keep things more flexible, and simply see where the relationship journey takes you.

Dating Etiquettes: Modern Rules for the Modern Woman

Being a modern woman in the dating world can feel like navigating through an exciting, yet complex labyrinth. With the evolving dynamics of relationships and the influence of digital platforms, how can you maintain your grace, confidence and authenticity in the dating scene? Let’s explore a few ground rules you can integrate into your dating life.

Self-Assertiveness:

In the world of dating, it’s essential you voice your feelings and stand up for what you believe in. It’s not about being aggressive. It’s about valuing your beliefs, expressing your needs clearly and asserting boundaries. Strong, independent women are not afraid to say what they feel or want. Remember, being you is enough.

“A strong woman is one who feels deeply and loves fiercely. Her tears flow as abundantly as her laughter. A strong woman is both soft and powerful, she is both practical and spiritual. A strong woman in her essence is a gift to the world.” – Native American saying

Honest Communication:

Transparency and honesty form the bedrock of any impactful conversations, more so when you’re getting to know someone. Express your thoughts, ideas, desires, and aspirations honestly. Remember to be receptive to your date’s perspective as well. Honest communication builds respect and trust, the two pillars of any successful relationship.

Embrace Your Individuality

Your uniqueness is your strength in the dating realm. Embrace who you are, with all your quirks, passions, and idiosyncrasies. Take pride in your independence, your hard-won achievements, and your life experiences. Cherish your interests and hobbies because they make you the person you are. Be true to yourself, because authenticity is truly magnetic.

The Art of Listening:

True listening goes beyond hearing. It involves understanding, empathizing, and truly grasping what another person is saying. When your date speaks, try to engage fully in their narrative. Active listening involves responding appropriately and providing feedback when needed. Not only does listening emphasize your interest, but it also promotes respect and understanding in relationships.

Remember, Dating is a Journey

Our modern world might convince you that you must quickly meet someone and fall in love. However, the essence of dating is about exploration, learning about new people, enjoying experiences, and having fun along this journey. More than finding the perfect partner immediately, it’s about personal growth and self-discovery. So sit back, enjoy the ride, and know that the right person will come at the right time.

Dating Safety:

Despite all the excitement that comes with dating, ensure that your safety is never compromised. Be careful about sharing personal details, especially on online platforms. Always choose public and safe locations for the initial dates. Remember, your comfort and security are paramount, don’t compromise them for anyone or anything.

Advice on Love: Balancing Love and Independence

Love is a wonderful emotion, but it’s essential not to lose your individuality and independence in the process of falling in love or being in a relationship. Balancing love and independence can seem like a tightrope act, but with the right approach, you can maintain your freedom and still enjoy a beautiful, loving relationship.

Remember, it’s absolutely okay to want ‘me’ time or pursue your own interests separate from your partner. It doesn’t mean you love them any less – it simply contributes to a healthier and more balanced relationship.

Embrace Your Independence

Independence isn’t about doing everything by yourself. Instead, it’s about knowing that you can handle things alone, even though you might not need to. Value your alone time, cherish your freedom, and develop your interests and hobbies. These are not only therapeutic but also allow you to grow as an individual.

Communicate with Your Partner

No successful relationship happens without open, honest communication. It’s not just about sharing your feelings or expressing love. You also need to communicate your need for personal space and independence. Most partners will understand and respect this if you articulate it considerately and lovingly.

Balance Couple Time and ‘Me’ Time

Managing time is key to balancing love and independence. Spend quality time with your partner, but also set aside enough time for yourself. It might seem challenging at first but knowing when to prioritise what, comes with practice and understanding.

Create Shared and Individual Goals

While shared dreams and objectives foster unity, individual goals ensure personal growth. Co-creating life goals strengthens the relationship while individual targets help retain your personal identity. Yes, it’s not just okay but important, that apart from being a pair, you also have a personal life track.

In the quest for love, never compromise on your individuality or independence. With effective communication, understanding, and a bit of effort, there is always a way to find balance in love and independence.

Ditching the Fairy-Tale: Real Love Vs. Ideal Love

Dreamy Hollywood romance movies might lead you to believe love is about grand gestures and breathless declarations. However, real love, the enduring kind, is often a more subdued affair, characterized by kindness, understanding, and shared moments of peace. It’s not always easy to discern this distinction. Thus, understanding and appreciating real love versus ideal love is a critical perspective to maintain for a healthy, happy relationship.

Real Love:

Real love, the most profound and lasting form of love, is all about true intimacy and emotional connection. It doesn’t have to be a roller-coaster of ups and downs. It finds beauty in calm and constancy. It’s more about feeling at home with someone, enjoying a sense of security and mutual respect, and continually growing together.

Cultivating patience: Real love is patient. It understands that every individual has their process of development and doesn’t force growth or change.
Accepting flaws: Loving someone genuinely means accepting their flaws. Remember, everybody is a work in progress.
Deep kindness: Real love operates from a foundation of deep kindness, respect, and care towards the other person, even during conflicts or misunderstandings.
Shared values and goals: This does not necessarily mean having the same interests or hobbies, but rather sharing core values and future aspirations.

Ideal Love:

Idealized love, on the other hand, is where you fall for the idea of a person or what they can become. It’s often characterized by an obsession with the other person’s perfection and can lead to unrealistic expectations. As passionately intoxicating as this love may feel, it can easily lead to heartbreak when confronted with the reality of a flawed, human partner.

“Ideal love often sets unrealistic standards and expectations. Instead of focusing on the real person standing before you, you fixate on a false image of perfection that no person could, or should, live up to.”

Here are some pointers to remember:

Obsession with perfection: Ideal love often obsesses over the perfect sides of the person, ignoring their real, human flaws.
Expectation Vs. Acceptance: In idealized love, you may find yourself living in the realm of ‘should-be’ rather than ‘is,’ preferring expectations over acceptance.
Comparison and dissatisfaction: Ideal love can lead you to constant comparison and dissatisfaction when your partner fails to meet your lofty standards.
Romanticizing conflict: While real love understands conflict as something to be resolved, ideal love might romanticize it as a symbol of passion.

Communicating Real Vs. Ideal Love

Understanding the difference between real love and ideal love is the first step. The next essential aspect is open and honest communication with your partner about these expectations and perspectives. Recognizing and discussing what you both want from the relationship can pave the way towards mutual understanding and growth.

Above all, real love is about navigating the vulnerable moments, celebrating jointly, laughing together, supporting each other in trials, and attaining personal and mutual growth. It’s about finding joy in the ordinary, sharing a life filled with compassion, understanding, and, most importantly, affectionate love that sees, accepts, and honors the real you.

Advice on Love and Navigating the Dating Landscape: Online vs. Traditional

When it comes to finding love, there are generally two playing fields you can venture into: online and traditional. Each has its unique sets of experiences and chances, all packaged with both challenges and rewards. It’s essential to know how to navigate both landscapes to ensure a successful pursuit of love.

Online dating has seen exponential growth in recent years, largely due to its convenience and accessibility. It offers a wide pool of potential matches right at your fingertips. You can communicate without the pressures of immediate responses and have the option to be selective, even before a meetup. Online dating can cater to all types of relationships, whether you’re looking for something short-term, long-term, or simply a lively conversation.

Pros	Cons
More personal and spontaneous experiences	Might involve more effort and time
Body language and chemistry are more visible	Potential for awkward situations
Greater chance for authentic connections	Limited options

There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to dating, and you have the freedom to choose the approach that suits your personality and lifestyle. It might very well be that a mix of both what works perfectly for you! Remember, the most crucial part is to be yourself, remain patient, and positive in your pursuit of finding love.

Maintaining Passion and Intimacy Over Time

Keeping the flames of passion and intimacy alive in a relationship can be a beautiful journey, and yet quite challenging. It typically involves growth, shifts, and compromises. Thankfully, with the right strategies, you can maintain the excitement and emotional connection that marked the beginning of your relationship.

First and foremost, frequent and open communication lies at the heart of enduring passion and intimacy. This doesn’t only pertain to talking about serious matters, but sharing snippets of your daily lives, your individual thoughts, hopes and fears. By being open, you give your partner the chance to understand and know you more deeply, thereby fostering intimacy.

A fun, creative, and intimate way to share your feelings is through love letters. Dare to express your feelings in words. Despite being considered old-fashioned, love letters have a certain charm that can make your partner feel loved and special. They serve as tangible proof of your affection and feelings for your partner.

Keeping the Spark Alive

Another key factor in maintaining passion is to keep fun and spontaneity alive, which is often lost in the daily humdrum of routines. Build a sense of anticipation in your relationship by planning surprise dates and getaways, or introducing new activities you can enjoy together.

Also, physical intimacy is important in keeping the passion alive. However, this doesn’t always mean sex. It can simply mean holding hands, cuddling in the sofa while watching a movie, giving love pecks or surprise hugs. These small gestures can significantly boost feelings of warmth, love, and intimacy towards your partner.

Values and Shared Experiences

More importantly, shared values and experiences can solidify your connection with your partner. Having a common understanding of what’s significant in life can lead to a deeper, more satisfying love. Engage in a hobby, volunteer for a cause, or even try a fitness goal together. This reinforces the feeling of mutual growth and alignment.

Maintaining passion and intimacy demands continual effort and commitment from both partners. Remember that it’s not just about fanatical love but genuine affection, respect, and bond. Love isn’t just a feeling but also an act of ongoing and intentional growth. With the right efforts, your relationship can stand the test of time, becoming richer and more profound as the years roll by.

Embracing Change and Growth in Love

Love, just like life, is a journey filled with constant growth and change. As you and your partner evolve and mature, your relationship also undergoes transformations. Many women often feel scared or overwhelmed by these changes, but remember, acceptance and adaptation are key to hitting those relationship milestones.

So, what are these imminent changes you shall face, and how can you gracefully navigate through them? Let’s dive deeper into it.

1. Change in Life Goals and Aspirations

Step into the shoes of a mature individual and realize, everyone changes with time. Your goals and aspirations don’t remain the same over five or ten years. The same applies to your partner – their dreams might evolve too. The best way to handle this change is by open communication, understanding each other’s evolving desires, and finding common ground.

2. Change in Preferences

You enjoyed salsa during the early stages of your relationship, but now you find solace in watching Netflix with a cozy blanket. That’s completely fine. Tastes change and acknowledging that change is important. Be open about it and gently express it to your partner. The goal is to enjoy activities that bring joy to both of you.

3. Change in Appearances

Ah, the one everybody dreads, yet it’s inevitable! Aging is a natural process and it’s important to embrace it. Accept your changing appearance and also that of your partner’s. If there’s a lack of self-love, work on building a positive body-image and self-esteem. Remember, you’re beautiful in your own unique way.

4. Change in Circumstances

Life can sometimes get unpredictable throwing jobs, moves or kids your way. During these times, remember to stay a team. Support each other, be flexible, appreciate your partner’s contributions and constantly communicate. Challenges can be a bonding experience when tackled together.

5. Growth – Personal and Relationship

Growth is an integral part of love. Personal growth involves developing self-awareness, nurturing your desires, and refining your emotions. Relationship growth, on the other hand, is about strengthening your bond, offering mutual support, and cultivating empathy. True love means celebrating both individual and relationship growth.

Love isn’t about being static. It’s about growing, evolving, and building something beautiful over time. Change is intimidating, yet liberating. Embrace it with open arms for the betterment of you and your relationship.

Advice on Love: Recognizing Red Flags in Relationships

Even though the journey of love can be rewarding, it’s important to realize that not every relationship will lead you towards happiness and fulfilment. In some situations, you may encounter what are often referred to as ‘red flags’ – early warning signs that something might be awry in your relationship. And while love can blur your vision, it’s critical for your well-being to stay aware and responsive to these signs.

Red flags are behaviors or patterns that suggest potential problems or conflicts within your relationship. Like an actual flag warning you of danger ahead, these signs, when spotted early, can save you stress and heartache down the line. Let’s dive into some common examples.

Neglect of your emotional needs: If your partner consistently disregards your feelings, it may well be a red flag. They should demonstrate care for your emotions, even during disagreements.
Excessive jealousy or controlling behavior: It’s perfectly natural to feel possessive about the one you love, but there’s a line between reasonable concern and all-consuming jealousy. If your partner is constantly inundating you with accusations, want to dictate who you can see or talk to, or expect to have a say in your personal choices, you might be dealing with a control issue.
Inconsistent communication: Communication can be thought of as the lifeblood of a relationship. If your partner doesn’t reply to your messages or calls in a reasonable time, or never seems available to have meaningful, depth-filled conversations, this might indicate a lack of interest or respect.

Remember, love is supposed to feel good. It’s meant to bring happiness and fulfillment, not constant stress or anxiety. If you’re continually feeling uncertain or insecure in your relationship, it’s worth giving those feelings careful consideration. Pay attention to what your intuition is telling you.

If a relationship constantly brings you down or leaves you feeling exhausted, it might be a sign to rethink whether the relationship is right for you. Remember, being single is better than being in a toxic, draining relationship. You deserved to be loved, cherished and respected in your romantic relationships.

Identifying and Handling Red Flags

Acknowledging red flags can be challenging, especially when you’re emotionally invested in a relationship. It’s easy to explain away worrying behaviors, attributing them to stress or temporary circumstances. Regardless, it’s important to trust your instinct when something feels off. Here are ways to identify and navigate red flags:

Trust your intuition: That sinking feeling in your stomach? Don’t ignore it. It’s your intuition speaking to you. Even if everything appears perfect on the surface, your gut instinct often knows when something’s not right.
Communicate: If something bothers you, bring it up. Have an open, honest conversation about your worries. Remember, it’s crucial to truly listen to their side of the story before jumping to conclusions.
Evaluate: If the behavior continues, it’s time for an evaluation. Is this something you can tolerate in the long run? Or is it a deal breaker?

Remember: a healthy relationship is a partnership where both parties listen, respect and appreciate each other. Love is about being present, acknowledging flaws, and working towards building a happier, healthier future together.

Overcoming Fear of Rejection

Rejection is an inherent part of the human experience—it’s unavoidable, inevitable. We’ve all been there in one way or another, especially when it comes to love and relationships. Yet, even though we know it’s a universal human experience, rejection can still hurt. It’s normal to fear rejection, but when it stops you from pursuing love or holding on to it, it becomes a problem. Here’s some advice to help you overcome your fear of rejection in romantic relationships.

Normalize rejection

The first step in overcoming the fear of rejection is to normalize it. Understand that not everyone will be a good match for you and that’s okay. It’s no reflection on your worth or desirability. Just as you wouldn’t choose everyone you meet as a partner, not everyone will choose you. And that’s entirely normal.

Acknowledge your fear

It’s important to identify and acknowledge your fear rather than trying to push it away or ignore it. When you recognize your fear of rejection, you take a big step towards overcoming it. It’s okay to be afraid; what matters is not allowing that fear to control your actions.

Grow from rejection

Change your perception of rejection. Think of it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Every rejection provides valuable insights about ourselves and our desires. Use it to introspect, to identify what might have gone wrong, and to build a roadmap for future relationships.

Practice Comfort Zone Challenges

Try putting yourself in situations where you might face rejection. It could be as simple as asking a stranger for directions or as personal as expressing your feelings to someone. These “comfort zone challenges” can gradually desensitize you to the fear of rejection.

Maintain Self- Esteem

Never measure your self-worth by how someone else reacts to you. You are so much more than a “Yes” or “No”. Establish your self-esteem on your own terms. Deal with criticisms, but don’t internalize them. Remember, you are enough just as you are.

Overcoming the fear of rejection involves self-love, patience, and practice. No one is immune to rejection and the best way to deal with it is by facing it head-on. Don’t let the fear of the unknown hold you back. Learn to see rejection for what it often is: a redirection towards something better. And always remember, it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Lessons from Failed Relationships: Turn Heartbreaks into Strengths

Failed relationships often feel like an end, but they’re not. Think of them as an opportunity for growth and self-exploration. Each heartbreak offers valuable lessons that can strengthen your understanding of love and relationships.

Understanding the Heartbreak

The first step toward turning heartbreak into strength is understanding the heartbreak itself. When a relationship ends, it’s easy to dwell on negative feelings instead of seeking to understand why it didn’t work out. Was it due to a mismatch of life goals? Were there trust issues? Or perhaps, did the spark just die out? Reflecting on these questions can bring clarity and allow you to learn from your experiences.

Reflect, Don’t Ruminate

There’s a fine line between reflecting on a past relationship and stewing in regret. Reflecting means critically examining the events and actions, and extracting valuable lessons. It helps in recognizing patterns, identifying what went wrong, and what to avoid in the future. Ruminating, on the other hand, is obsessing over the past, with no intention or consequence of growth. It’s often self-destructive and restrains you from moving forward. Recognize this difference and practice healthy reflection.

Becoming Resilient

Failures can be difficult, but they also have the potential to make you resilient. Resilience is not about brushing off your emotions; it’s about confronting them, acknowledging your pain, and still finding the courage to move forward. Consider each ending as a pathway to better beginnings, to more fulfilling relationships ahead.

The Role of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion goes a long way in healing from failed relationships. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. Give yourself the care and patience you would give a friend going through the same experience. Late-night ice cream, sappy movies, long walks, do whatever it takes to be gentle to yourself as you navigate through the pain.

Transforming Pain into Growth

Transformative learning occurs when deeply ingrained beliefs or assumptions change. Heartbreak has the power to foster such a transformative learning process. It forces you to challenge your assumptions, beliefs, and narratives about love. It’s an opportunity to rewrite your story, own your narrative, and transform pain into personal power.

Failed relationships are not about losing love, but about finding love in a new light. They allow you to deeply understand our wants, needs, and priorities, fostering growth both as an individual and as a loving partner.

Wrapping Up Advice on Love

So there you have it – a comprehensive guide filled with advice on love for women. We’ve explored from the preliminary stages of understanding the science of attraction, to learning the art of balancing love and independence. Remember, every relationship is as unique as the people involved in it, and no one size fits all. With the advice provided, you’re equipped to navigate the intricate realm of love, with a sense of confidence and self-awareness.

Key takeaways to keep in mind: Communication is a cornerstone in every successful relationship; Embrace Change and Growth as they are inevitable and also the evidence of a dynamic and healthy relationship; Recognizing Red Flags early can save you from unnecessary heartbreaks;

And most importantly, Remember To Love Yourself First. Self-love is a crucial aspect not only for a healthy romantic relationship but also for a healthy personal life. It will be the cornerstone for your self-esteem, resilience, and overall emotional well-being.

When everything feels too overwhelming, take a step back, and remember this line:

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”

We hope that these pieces of advice help you make the most of your relationships and lead you towards sustaining a love that’s fulfilling, empathetic, and respectful. Make sure you revisit this advice whenever you find yourself in uncharted territories. Remember, be patient, be kind, and always choose love.

Do you have your Night Moves down? Are you ready to go out and get a guy to fall for you, using science and not trickery? If so, this is the book for you! I’ve done the research, and you get to benefit. Here are the steps you can take, whether you’re headed out on a first date or going out with your friends to look for men. The science behind attraction is just a few clicks away!

Here are just a couple of things you’ll learn inside this best-seller:

Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction…learn why inside
Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal…but what signal? Learn inside the book
You can get a guy to feel like he’s falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

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The Idea of a Perfect Date

Date Great Men

The idea of a perfect date varies between couples. If you’re planning a first date, you might think of something different than a couple who’s married with kids, looking to escape the madness for a few hours.

The Idea of the Perfect Date

I asked my readers for their suggestions and got some great ideas to share with you today. Many agreed that an adventure date or a date where they could talk and get to know one another was the idea of a perfect date. Some of those suggestions were:

Riding bikes along the trails
Having a picnic under a nice big tree and making love, whether the coast is clear or not
Enjoying an outdoor dinner at a local hangout
Getting my guy to join me in one of my hobbies like horseback riding
Coffee
A car ride in my boyfriend’s ’67 Mustang, preferably with the top down, if it isn’t too hot
Dinner and a movie where I pick dinner and he chooses the movie or vice versa
A scary movie so I can grab him and pull him in, then steal his popcorn
Sunset at the beach is the most romantic time
Hiking
Jumping in the RV and heading to a state park for the weekend so we can enjoy skinny dipping at night, making love under the stars, and grilling over an open fire
Meeting at the dog park to see how he treats his dog and mine, and to see if my dog approves of him
Kayaking and if he can keep up with me, he gets a second date, if he can’t too bad for him
An amusement park or a haunted house
Dinner and a concert
Go carts

First Date Challenges

Obviously, a few of those weren’t first-date ideas, but many of them would be. While the traditional first date is to go somewhere for dinner, this is the most awkward date you can find. If one of you is shy or very nervous, it can be a struggle to find conversational topics.

If you’re out doing something, the pressure to enjoy a conversation is gone. You’re too busy enjoying yourselves to worry about what to say next.

Additionally, when you enjoy an adventurous first date, you see more of one another’s true colors. You can see how he manages challenges and adversity, as well as how supportive he is of you if you’re trying something challenging or new.

These types of dates also take the pressure off when it comes to choosing your wardrobe for the date. If you’re going for a bike ride or a hike, you can dress appropriately in jeans or shorts and a t-shirt or sweatshirt.

Regardless of what date you choose, dress comfortably and conservatively. Dressing to show off too much skin for a first date sends the wrong signal. It says you believe your greatest asset is your body, not your mind and intellect. Great men are interested in all of them, of course, but they’ll respect you more if you leave some things to their imagination!

Subsequent Dates

Not all your dates need to be like this. There’s nothing wrong with the occasional dinner and a movie date, and it’s even mentioned above, but it isn’t a great first date. In fact, if you’re married, this might be the perfect date because you can sit and talk, which may be challenging if you have small children at home.

Still, enjoying adventures or dates where you’re doing versus sitting are more enjoyable and telling. My assistant, Kirbie, has a daughter who’s getting married in a couple of months. They recently enjoyed time with family and friends at her bridal shower. One of the activities they had was for everyone to write date night ideas on a large popsicle stick that they then put in a jar.

The next day, the couple told Kirbie that they loved this and her soon-to-be son-in-law was even writing his own ideas on sticks and adding them to the jar. They said they sometimes just look at one another and shrug their shoulders when they want to do something together and having the jar will help them enjoy some different activities.

Of course, the groom pulled out his first stick and it said candle making. He decided that if he could make a candle that smelled manly, he was on board!

The Idea of a Perfect Date for Date Night

I am a huge proponent of date nights for couples because it helps keep the relationship from becoming routine, stale or dead. I always encourage couples to schedule a weekly date night so they can reconnect and enjoy time together.

These nights should be as technology-free as possible and shouldn’t be about arguing or complaining. It’s a time to reconnect and recharge the couple batteries. Talk about things that happened throughout the week, like the big report you gave at work and how he might be up for a promotion. Talk about planning a vacation together or your plans for the future.

When you plan your week, put date night on first and make it a priority. It’s the one thing on your calendar you can’t cancel or reschedule. If your partner and your relationship are important to you, so is this time together.

What Most Men Prefer

Most men prefer fun dates. This is how they spend time with their friends and it’s how they want to spend time with you. While most men are okay with sitting down for dinner, if you asked, most would prefer an adventure.

If you’re an exclusive couple, make yourselves a date night jar and ask friends for ideas. Add your own ideas as well and then pull out a stick when it comes time for your date. The rule is that if you pull out the stick, you have to do the activity unless the weather is prohibitive of course.

Below are some final tips for the idea of a perfect date for you to consider:

Go to a drive-in movie or set one up at home
Camp out in your living room with blankets and pillows, maybe even a tent, s’mores in the fireplace, or popcorn and a movie
Visit the local zoo, arboretum, museum, or another similar venue
Go dancing or take dancing lessons together
Visit a nearby small town and peruse the shops, finish with dinner at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant
Merge one of your hobbies with one of his – a car show where you take tons of photos for example
Take a cooking class together
Putt-putt golfing is always fun and men love competition
Visit a local festival and enjoy ethnic or international food

Regardless of what you choose, if you’re both laid back and prepared to enjoy one another, you’ll have a great time!

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Once you find true love, the key is keeping it! In my best-seller, Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life, you’ll learn many things you and your guy can do to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The pennies you put in the jar are shared memories. You add pennies when you do things together like exploring a quaint little town nearby or relaxing in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon. They’re added when you make a game out of grocery shopping or have a cooking contest for dinner.

Learn how to put pennies in the jar, how to communicate effectively and how to fight fair, all inside this great book!

To learn more about it, click here. To purchase the book, click one of the buttons below.

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Good Qualities in a Man | What You Should Look For

Date Great Men, Understand Men

It’s cliché that good qualities in a man include that he’s tall, dark, and handsome; an incredible physique doesn’t hurt either!

Any man who doesn’t fit that criteria can take a hike, right?

Wrong!

In a recent survey by BestLifeOnline.com and another by Princeton, New Jersey’s opinion research corporation, many women say they value personality over physical traits. Still, many women forget about the basics and only see what they want to see.

In other words, you plunk those rose-colored glasses squarely on the bridge of your cute nose and fail to see the flaws if he’s in the tall, dark, and handsome category.

Another thing that clouds your opinion of a man is having sex with him too soon. You don’t give yourself a chance to see his flaws before raw heat and chemistry take over.

Today, I hope to encourage you to look for good qualities in a man that go beyond his looks and the immediate chemistry you may feel.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Has a Sense of Humor

I’m not tall, dark, or handsome, but my sense of humor has gotten me pretty far regarding women. A great sense of humor trumps much other stuff because being able to laugh at the world sometimes gets you through.

A man who can make you laugh is a great catch! It means he isn’t taking life too seriously, at least not always. He can bring joy and a smile to your life when you need it most!

He Respects You

Nothing good comes from dating a misogynist or a narcissist. That type of person will never respect you, and respect is necessary for forming a good relationship. When it comes to good qualities in a man, you want one who respects you for who you are and treats you like a queen.

While respect takes time to earn, it shouldn’t take too long, and you should be able to respect him quickly, too, until he gives you a reason not to anyway.

Good Qualities in a Man | He is Faithful

Of course, the studies mentioned above found faithfulness to be one of the good qualities in a man. Your relationship is solid when you have trust, which comes from knowing your guy is faithful.

Nothing good happens in a relationship when there is no trust, and if you know your guy is faithful to you, you won’t become jealous when he wants to go golfing with the guys or out for a beer and to watch football.

He’s Emotionally Available

This is a big one. Some men want to be in a great relationship, but something is holding them back. It may be a past hurt from an old relationship, or it could be something from childhood.

In either instance, the man isn’t emotionally available, and as much as you like him, he will never be there for you. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to be; he can’t.

Unfortunately, this one trips up many women because you need to nurture a guy like this and feel sorry for him. Don’t. It won’t change who he is and will only bring you heartbreak.

Good Qualities in a Man | He’s a Hard Worker

This one is hard to beat when searching for good qualities in a man. Like the emotionally unavailable woman, the slacker can sometimes disguise himself for a while.

Most men have an inborn need to support their loved ones financially and emotionally. I know you may not need him to help you financially, but the world hasn’t caught up yet with the strong women today.

A man who doesn’t have this innate need to work hard for what he wants in life and to be able to support you is a man you need to let go of.

There are twelve qualities all great men have, and a few of them fall into the hard worker category.

You Share the Same Values

It might not seem important when you’re first dating, but one of the great qualities in a man is that he shares your values.

Ultimately, this will be a big deal, and you don’t need to share all your values, but you should share the important ones. Which are important? That’s up to you. You might be very political, and someone from the opposite side of the political aisle could be a problem.

Only you know which ones are dealbreakers for you, but make sure you don’t skip this one.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Has His Own Style

Someone who isn’t afraid to buck trends is always a great catch. It means he places less value on people’s thoughts and more on being himself. This is true of women, too, so don’t be afraid to show off your style.

Showing the world who you are, regardless of what others might think, signals high confidence, and that’s what you’re looking for!

He’s Dependable

Dependability is one of those good qualities in a man. Someone where he says he’ll be when he says he’ll be there gives you a sense of peace. It helps build that respect and trust that are so important.

If you’re sick, he’s there doing laundry and bringing you a ginger ale. If your car breaks down, he’s not leaving the job of getting you safely home to some scrubby tow truck driver. He’s there to make sure all is well.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Has Great Communication Skills

Communication is a two-way street. Not only do you need to be able to communicate verbally, but you also need to be able to listen.

While it’s cliché to tilt your head at the notion of a man who listens, they aren’t as rare as you might think. When a man is genuinely interested in you, he will want to listen. What you have to say is important to him, if it’s not the latest on your best friend’s breakup, that is. Save that stuff for your girlfriends.

A man with good communication skills also knows how to say the right things, fight fairly, and get what he wants out of life without blowing his top.

He’s a Gentleman

Good qualities in a man include being a gentleman. The powerful woman of today sometimes wants to stifle the gentlemanly quality of a man, but I beg you not to. I know you don’t need a man to open the door for you or hold your chair while you sit, but a great man was raised to do so by his mother.

Being an independent and strong woman doesn’t mean you stop letting a man be the gentleman he was raised to be. Those things are a show of respect, not a sign of your weakness. These things show he cares. Men show their love rather than stating it, so him doing these things is a sign that he cares.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Makes You a Priority

You can’t always be one another’s priority, but a great man makes you a priority when it matters. When you’re together, he puts down his cell phone and listens. He takes the time to help you with something important and supports you and your choices, whatever they might be.

In great relationships, this is a give-and-take thing. You’ll sometimes need his support and attention and vice versa. Great relationships aren’t about taking turns or tallying who was there for whom last. It’s about being there when needed, regardless of who’s turn.

He’s a Positive Person

Whether it’s your boyfriend or best friend, the people surrounding you should be positive. Negativity breeds and does nothing good.

Your guy should be a positive person, at least most of the time. We all fall into a slump from time to time, but one of the good qualities in a man is that he can pull himself out of that slump after licking his wounds and return to that positive nature.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Has an Attitude of Gratitude

Positive people are, by nature, grateful people. They focus more on what they have than what they don’t have.

Your guy should be grateful for you and everything he has; the same is true of you. Gratitude doesn’t need to be about something huge, either. You can be grateful for toilet paper – weren’t we all during COVID anyway? Be grateful for how his smile lights you up.

Gratitude journals aren’t just for women. I keep one, and I encourage you to do so as well. As a couple, you can also have a gratitude journal.

He Protects You

A man naturally wants to protect his loved ones. He wants you to feel safe, emotionally and physically. While you might not need a hero, men need to be your hero. This thing inside all great men is called the hero instinct, and it’s the real deal.

I’m repeating myself a lot, but I’ll repeat it. I know you’re a strong, independent woman, but there are things men were raised to do and things that are inside them that they know they should do. Being your hero is one. The great thing about allowing him to be your hero is that it will increase his love for you. That, my friend, is a win-win.

Good Qualities in a Man | The People You Care About are Important to Him

Your friends and family should be as important to your guy as they are to you. If the guy you’re dating can get along with the people most important to you, you’ve got a winner.

Bringing someone new into the fold can upset the balance, but if he can hang in there and hold his own among your family, who can be a real challenge sometimes, consider yourself a fortunate woman!

Finding Your Mr. Right

It’s so easy to look beyond the good qualities in a man to the chemistry and heat of the early phase of a relationship. But, it’s these qualities, not the heat, that will provide you with a strong basis for a good relationship.

When you’re looking for your Mr. Right, take your time. It isn’t a race. Get to know him slowly and hold off having sex until you know he’s the one. A good man will respect your boundaries and will wait patiently.

Men and women do almost everything differently, and sometimes for different motivations.

Men view finances, love, dating, dealing with difficult situations, and communication differently than women.

Inside this book, you’ll discover how to improve your relationships by understanding these differences and learning how to overcome them and use them to your advantage.

This isn’t about playing games. It’s about understanding what he’s thinking and how he’ll best understand you.

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What Attracts a Man to a Woman?

Build a Great Relationship, Date Great Men, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

What attracts a man to a woman? It’s a pretty basic question, right? And it’s a very important question as well!

The better question, however, is do you know the answer?

If you did know it, oh boy would your dating life suddenly get a lot easier! But, most women aren’t taught these things growing up, so I’m afraid you probably don’t know the answer.

Until now.

Let me help you crawl into the minds of me and my friends, a bunch of successful good guys who regularly hang out together. A few of my friends are shy and a few are extroverted. We’re all looking for the woman of our dreams. What will attract us to you?

You Stand Above the Crowd

I’m not talking about how tall you are, but rather how authentic you are. This is very nearly your most important job when you go out on the hunt for a guy.

How do you stand out? First, be yourself and wear your confidence like a badge of honor. Your body language is the first signal to every man in the room that you either have or lack confidence. Stand tall with your shoulders straight, not slumped. Make eye contact with people instead of hiding behind sunglasses or hair.

Next, be yourself. Just because all your friends are wearing skinny jeans with a blouse and four-inch heels doesn’t mean you must do the same. If you’re more comfortable in a skirt and flats, go for it. Heck, wear your tie dye skirt and Birkenstocks if you want. If that’s who you are, tell the world!

Other ways to stand out include:

Wear a bright scarf or hat
Dance in place alone for a second or two
Put five umbrellas in your drink and one in your hair
Order a cocktail served uniquely

These things all provide a guy with an opportunity to strike up a conversation. This is important for the shy guys!

Show You’re Having a Great Time

A woman who is laughing and having a great time is a guy magnet. Don’t fake it, but show that you’re enjoying yourself. People are attracted to others who look like they’re having fun!

When you show you’re having fun, it tells others that you have a positive, upbeat personality and this is attractive to men. If you’re sitting there, sulking or hiding behind your hair, guys aren’t interested. Any guy you attract will be the wrong guy – a player or a loser.

What Attracts a Man to a Woman? Body Language!

Your body language tells every man in the room everything he needs to know about you before he decides to approach. Good posture indicates confidence. Making eye contact with others in the room says you’re a confident woman. Smiling shows that positive personality.

These women don’t get approached by players and losers because they know you’re out of their league, but confident men are interested. If you see a guy who interests you, make eye contact and smile, then look away. Be sure to look back a few seconds later, but don’t be a creeper. Look away again.

When you manage to pass by this guy, brush up against him, by accident. Just a subtle touch will be enough to signal to him that he can approach.

Manage Your Group

While it’s nice to huddle together and whisper, it doesn’t give any men the opportunity to approach. They don’t know where they would be able to join you.

Instead, leave some space between you, and if your friends run off to the bathroom, don’t take that opportunity to get on your phone. Make sure there’s space beside you for a man to approach. He’s been waiting for this moment for a while and it’s here. Don’t shut him out!

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

This might be difficult for you if you’re introverted or a little low on dating confidence. Many of my books can help you with the confidence part. I encourage you not to try too hard to change the introvert part. It’s who you are.

Okay, that said, here’s how this works.

Now I understand this might be tough if you are introverted, shy, or lack confidence. The confidence I can fix. I’m a life coach and that’s what my books are all about if I may add.

If you walk by a guy eating sushi or something rare say, “You know, a skilled veterinarian could bring that back to life!” Yes, its’ silly but it’s funny and he’ll love it.

If you struggle with being funny, watch some comedians and their deliveries. Pick up some tips and be ready the next time you’re out.

These same canned lines, when delivered by men, crash and burn but when a woman delivers them, they’re unexpected and men love it!

What Attracts a Man to a Woman? She Approaches Him

Few women approach men, and that’s sad because it’s a great move on your part! Much like delivering a one-liner, it’s unexpected and that makes it great.

While a man is sometimes afraid of being rejected if he approaches, often for a good reason, the odds of a woman being rejected are pretty slim. Men don’t often reject women. They’re more ego-driven and there’s nothing better to boost a guys ego than a woman approaching him!

You don’t need a one-liner. Just say “Hi” or “Can I buy you a drink?” A fun line is, “I’m considering you as my next boyfriend.” Smile and laugh as you deliver your message, just like comedians do. He’ll love it. Even if he’s got a woman in his life, he’ll at least respond favorably.

Don’t Bar Hop

You’ve done some or all of the things above and then you and your friends up and leave. What the heck? Some man had just mustered up enough courage to approach and you vanished.

If you want to meet a great guy, stay at the same place until you’re ready to go home. If you want to check out another bar, go next weekend. Some men need time to prepare themselves to approach, especially shy guys.

I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times. A friend of mine was ready to approach a woman he’d become attracted to and BAM! She and her friends pay the check and leave.

What Attracts a Man to a Woman? A Great Story

Once you’ve attracted a great guy, it’s time to work on keeping him around. This begins with your story. What is your story?

It’s the culmination of your life experiences. It’s what makes you the unique individual you are today. This doesn’t mean you tell a guy your entire life story! You don’t, at least not immediately. Let him uncover it, bit by bit.

Your job is to cultivate that story. Think about your life and the experiences you’ve had so far. Did you travel to Europe as a kid or invent something cool in science class? Do you volunteer somewhere or do you have a unique hobby?

Any hobby is probably fodder for an interesting story. Men are often mystified by how you make things. Sometimes your hobby reminds him of his mom or another treasured female in his life. This is a bonus!

Your story also includes anything you’re passionate about. People’s faces light up when they talk about something they’re passionate about. It’s like a magnet for the person they’re talking to. They immediately become excited about the topic too.

If you fear your story isn’t so great right now, it’s time to get out there and start writing. Find a hobby. Become passionate about something. Go on an adventure. Travel, even if it’s just across the state line. Experience life and then prepare to share those experiences with men who are interested in you.

How the Male System Works

What attracts a man to a woman?

You’ve done your part, now it’s time for him to do his. But what do most guys do?

First, they look for the right opportunity to make a move. Often, the time is when their friend goes to the restroom. He doesn’t want to get shot down in front of his friends, so he waits until they’re away.

Alternatively, he might wait for you to be alone or at least for a spot to open up next to you. He doesn’t want to feel awkward, so if there’s an empty space, he’s more comfortable.

Remember, guys are just as clumsy as you think you are and more. They are just as intimidated by the whole singles scene as you are. Their confidence might be lacking, like yours.

The male system sucks, but it’s all they have so please, please, make it easy on them by understanding the system. Once you do, you’ll attract lots of great men!

Here are just a couple of things you’ll learn inside this best-seller:

Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction…learn why inside
Looking at a guy, looking away, and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal…but what signal? Learn inside the book
You can get a guy to feel like he’s falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

Read more about this book or click one of the buttons below to buy it now.

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What True Love Is

Date Great Men

Do you know what true love is? Is true love what you see in the movies, or is it defined by what you witnessed growing up?

If you can’t define what true love is, you’ll probably have a hard time finding it.

Many define true love by the stuff – white picket fence, fancy car, dog and so on. But that’s a load of crap!

Instead, I like this one:

“True love is not how you forgive, but how you forget, not what you see but what you feel, not how you listen but how you understand, and not how you let go but how you hold on.” – Anonymous

True love, to me, is an imperfect relationship where both partners are trying their very best to stay to together, forgive and forget, and grow together.

It’s when each person takes a turn being there for the other in times of need. There is no “I”, there is just us. There is no scorekeeping. When one of you needs something, the other is just there. Period.

And yes, it can be nasty at times. But, in the end, respect for the other is always king and problems are easily resolved.

What True Love is: Acting as a Team

In the past, I’ve seen the difference between true love and what I thought was true love. That difference can be summed up by an us against the world mentality.

True love is teamwork in grocery shopping, cleaning, child rearing and love making. It’s a give and take where love balances out. You discuss major decisions and power might vary but balances out in the end.

When you work as a team, there’s a feeling of unity and security. You know he has your back and he knows you have his. You’re a we, not two me’s. Your identity includes each other. While you remain an individual, you still identify as part of a couple.

The Good Times Outweigh the Bad

All relationships experience bad times. When there are more bad times than great times, you’re not experiencing what true love is.

True love is about building great memories together. It’s being there for one another when times are tough and being supportive when it matters. During the tough times, there is no question that you’re there for one another. During the good times, you appreciate what you have and enjoy your time together. You build intimacy through shared experiences and use that intimacy to carry you through the bad.

You Know One Another’s Flaws and Choose One Other Anyway

The key word here is choose. He snores, his eye for fashion sucks, and he can’t even hang a picture on a wall. But he tries and that’s what you love about him.

Nobody is perfect, so discovering those flaws and loving them shows that you know what true love is! If you’ve already found someone, great, but if you’re still looking, recognize that you don’t need to find a perfect man, you need to find a man who’s perfect for you, flaws and all.

What True Love Is: There’s No Justice Trap

I dated someone once who looked at the relationship like an exchange of services. If she rubbed my feet, I owed her a foot massage. If I spent time with my friends, I owed her something in return. And, if she cooked, I had to clean up and take her out the next time.

I’ve heard couples with kids talk about whose turn it is to babysit the kids while the other does something away from home. If you feel you’re babysitting your own kids, I’m not sure why you had them to begin with.

When a relationship feels more like a scorecard or tally sheet, you don’t have love. In the case of my relationship, it reached a point when I didn’t want to accept anything from her because I knew I’d owe her something in return.

This takes any special meaning out of any gesture I wanted to make and any gesture she made wasn’t special, but her chance to make me owe her something.

True love balances out. If I do five nice things for my girlfriend, then I did five nice things! I wanted to. She’s worth it. She’ll do nice things back and I don’t want or need to keep score.

True Love Gets Better Later

You don’t hear this definition much, but I find it to be true. True love comes after the early relationship butterflies have flown away and after you’re over wanting to have sex multiple times a day. It comes when you settle into a life where you accept one another for who you are.

You enjoy your time spent together and don’t feel nervous or like you need sex every five minutes. You want to do things together like going hiking in the woods or spending an afternoon at the beach.

True love brings security and protection to the relationship. You can be yourself. There is nothing to hide and only great times to be had. You can plan your future together because there is a future.

You Feel Free to Share Your Vulnerabilities

It is very difficult to share your vulnerabilities. This requires a high level of trust for both of you and the first time you share a vulnerability will be the hardest. How you each respond is crucial to whether there will be more sharing in the future.

The first time your guy shares something that makes him feel vulnerable, respond with caring and acceptance. He needs to know that you still accept him, now that you have seen his weak underbelly. If he shares first, it’s important that you reciprocate, but not immediately. It will seem fake. Do it soon, though because he will be waiting.

What True Love Is: Summary

While these are my definitions of what true love is, the truth is that you won’t tick your way down some list. You’ll know because there’s a feeling that is unmistakable. It isn’t about the things like a house or car. It’s about feeling you get. True love is when he walks into a room and you feel happy. It’s when you read a text from him, you smile, inside and out. True love is when he remembers that you like rosemary garlic bread and he brings you a loaf for dinner.

The important thing to remember, early on in a relationship, is that love isn’t chemistry. Chemistry is essential, but lust isn’t love. Don’t be confused by lust but wait for these other signs to develop. It takes time to build it but it’s worth the wait.

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The Ideal Alpha Female Relationships with Men

Date Great Men, Understand Men

Successful alpha female relationships can feel elusive, especially if you’ve dated for any length of time.

You’re strong. You know what you want and how to get it. You’re confident, outspoken and people gravitate to you because they want to be on the same ride you’re on. Your power and energy are contagious.

These very traits that make friends and coworkers want to be near you are the same ones that make it difficult for you to find a man who appreciates you for who you are, without trying to change you.

Chances are, you’ve tried dating alpha men because they’re most like you. They’re powerful, confident, outspoken and strong. Likes attract likes, right? Yes, but that doesn’t always indicate that that type of relationship will work out best.

There are essentially two types of men that will work best for alpha female relationships. The first, of course, is an alpha male. I know, I just said that might not work, but there are instances when it can. The other type of man who’s truly perfect for the alpha woman is the beta man.

Often misunderstood, beta men seek alpha female relationships because they want a take-charge type of woman to love. Below are some dating tips that will help you find the right guy who will adore you for who you are.

Alpha Female Relationships | Slow Down

You go one-hundred miles per hour all day and well into the evening, but when you’re out looking for a guy, slow down. Take off that leadership hat and let your hair down, maybe literally.

Slow and take the edge off your speech. You’re now out to have fun, not be in control, so take a kinder, gentler approach. An alpha man will be attracted to an alpha woman if she shows her feminine side and a kinder, gentler you will be more feminine.

Don’t make an attempt to look low confidence, meaning continue making eye contact and walking confidently, but instead of striding with purpose, slow down and glide. Save your strut for the office.

And finally, if an alpha man offers to buy you a drink, accept it gratefully and show your appreciation, “Thank you. It was so kind of you.” This allows more of your feminine energy to shine through and you top it off with a dose of manners. He’s definitely interested.

Challenge Him

Challenge is important in alpha female relationships – well, all relationships actually. Men need to feel challenged in a relationship to keep from becoming bored, therefore, it’s important for him to feel challenged by you. But what does that mean?

An alpha man doesn’t value something that comes too easily. He’s accustomed to working for what he has. When he calls for a date that day or even the next day, don’t drop your plans to go with him.

Instead, let him know that he’ll need to work harder to get on your calendar, “Gee, Gregg. I’d love to go to dinner with you, but we’ll have to make it Tuesday.” He won’t be put off. He’ll feel challenged! If he’s truly interested in you, he’ll figure out how to become important enough to get on your calendar.

If he text you but you’re busy and can’t really get into a conversation, give him a time when you can talk to him.

Him: Hi Beautiful. I hope your day was productive!

You: Hey Handsome! So far, so good, but I have more dragons to slay. Let’s talk later – say 8:00?

Him: Sounds great! Talk then.

This tells him you want to talk to him and he now knows when. It takes the anxiety out of the situation for both of you and lets him know when to expect to talk to you.

Challenge is also required for the beta man, whose main goal is to serve you and make sure you’re happy. You can challenge him in the same way you’d challenge an alpha. Don’t always be readily available. Be kind but firm with a beta.

Are You an Alpha Female Who Can't Find a Happy Relationship?

For alpha women, finding a relationship that isn’t challenging or frustrating can be a real problem. You’re drawn to alpha men, but science tells us that alpha men don’t want to marry alpha women, they only want to date them. Then there’s the beta man, often misunderstood by both alpha men and women, but often a great choice for the alpha woman. Learn more about how you can develop a happy relationship with either type of man by checking out The Alpha Female: Who is She? Who Should She Date? How do You Become One?

Learn More

Let Him Be Your Protector

All men, alpha, beta or otherwise, have a need to be your protector. I know you can do this for yourself, but this hero instinct is something you want to cultivate. Men were raised to be your hero and if you don’t allow them to, they feel as if they aren’t doing their job.

Men basically need three things in a relationship:

To live a meaningful life and feel appreciated for their efforts
To provide for those who are important to them
To be respected by those around them

I know you can provide for yourself, and maybe even him, but if you’re with an alpha, don’t make a big deal about this. A beta will care less if you make more money than he does, but an alpha might feel emasculated if you bring it up a lot. Don’t let who earns more money determine the power dynamic in your relationship.

Alpha Female Relationships: Act Like the Prize You Are

When women make bad dating choices, it’s often for one of two reasons. Either they feel desperate to find a guy for some reason, like all their friends have boyfriends and they don’t, or they don’t understand that they have the power to be the choose, and not feel grateful to be chosen.

This puts you in a negative position for relationships. Instead, recognize that you are the prize. When you feel grateful to be chosen or desperate and find a guy, your instinct might be to be over-enthusiastic about the relationship.

You stop going out with your girlfriends, stop pursuing your hobbies and spend too much time doting on him. No guy, whether he’s an alpha, beta or omega, wants this from you. This behavior makes a man feel smothered and you aren’t challenging to him. He will question your value in his life.

Instead, come into a relationship with strong dating confidence. If you don’t feel you have strong dating confidence now, there are many options you can pursue here.

I want to change my life!

Meanwhile, allow a guy to chase you. Yes, even though you’re an alpha woman, let a guy pursue you. Inspire his hero instinct and encourage his masculine side by remaining feminine. Never give up your hobbies for a man and continue to enjoy girls’ night with your friends.

Remember, You Are Not Your Title

Your identity isn’t the title of the job you hold. It’s who you are from the inside out. It’s your kindness and generosity. It’s your desire to help others and your ability to be tough and stern one minute and a kind mentor the next.

Commit to or stay committed to your health and well-being. Get to know yourself and connect with that feminine woman who’s lurking inside. This makes you the feminine counterpart an alpha man desires.

When it comes to a beta man, he needs your strength and direction, but he also wants to see your feminine side and he needs you to know who you are from the inside out. Your strength is what attracted him to you, but some of that strength is your inner strength.

Alpha Female Relationships: Communication is Key

Regardless of what type of man you date, communication is everything. With the beta, you will have many conversations around control – who is in control of what. He wants you to take control, probably more than you know. Talking through it helps you both realize your roles in the relationship. Just because he’s a beta doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings, ambitions, and thoughts about your relationship.

Communication in any relationship is one of the most important things and a lack of communication is what ends many relationships. Regardless of whether your guy is an alpha or a beta, opening up the lines of communication may be the strongest asset in your alpha female relationships.

It allows you each to voice your wants, needs and desires. It allows you to feel safe exposing your vulnerabilities, something a beta will do much faster than an alpha. Without communication, any relationship will eventually wither and die.

And Finally, You’re a Team

Whether alpha female relationships are with beta men or alpha men, you’re a team. Learn how to work together and know when your teammate needs you to rally and be a little more supportive than usual.

Situations like job loss or loss of income, health issues, the loss of a loved one and similar events are difficult for men. Most men require time to retreat, lick their wounds and find a solution. As natural problem solvers, this is key for him. While you’re there to support him, you’re not overbearing or over-nurturing.

Let him know he has your support and allow him time to deal with the emotions of what happened. If your relationship is strong and you’ve established great communication, he will come to you when he’s ready.

Are you an alpha woman who can’t find a great man to date?

Have you had enough of the power struggles and games?

Do you wish you could find just one guy to date who understands who you are?

If you answered “Yes” to any of those questions, you need this book! This book will help you understand how to date alpha and beta men and make it work!

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