It’s Never Too Late to Move Past Mistakes and Restart Your Life

It’s Never Too Late to Move Past Mistakes and Restart Your Life

Build Confidence

Do you ever wonder if it’s too late to move past mistakes and restart your life? Here is a story from Bridgette, a reader who gives great insight on second chances and making a new start in life, and in love (published with her permission).

Hi, my name is Bridgette and this is my story. You know how they say the little pregnancy stick with the two lines will change your life forever? Well for me, it definitely did. I had just graduated from high school and my relationship with my longtime boyfriend was fizzling out. He was still stuck in his “bad boy” phase, lost his car due to trouble with the law, and wasn’t able to drive to see me anymore. I started to want someone a bit more responsible.

I started dating an older guy who worked in the parking garage behind the restaurant where I worked. After a few good months of having fun together, we drank a bit too much one night, and then went to his room afterwards. I specifically remember the condom breaking, and for a moment we were both worried, but we put the idea in the back of our minds. What were the chances that one broken condom could lead to anything?

Flash forward a few weeks, and I notice I missed my period. The boyfriend and I meet up, I tell him the news, and we decide to go buy a pregnancy test stick together. It’s positive. He tells me right away that his parents are very conservative and are going to want us to get married. Once I spill the news to my Catholic mother, she agrees.

Looking back, I realize that, at 18 years old, I was still a kid when we got married. After dating my previous boyfriend for over two years, I had jumped into a marriage situation after only three months of dating this guy. When my son was 13 months old, I had another skipped period, and it was discovered that the mini pill my doctor put me on wasn’t strong enough for my young and robust fertility. My daughter was then born 22 months after my son.

My in-laws offered to help us out if we moved closer to them, from Michigan to North Carolina. My husband got the job transfer and we made the move. I loved North Carolina, and easily made some close mommy friends. While I loved my children, I felt as though I was pushed into motherhood very fast in life. I would talk to my friends back home who were enjoying the life of a typical woman in their early twenties, and I have to admit I felt jealous. I was always so quiet and studious, and felt that I missed the chance to go out and have fun.

I felt myself slipping away more and more. I decided not to focus so much on the relationship, and went back to school to start focusing on myself again.

After nine years of marriage I started to feel as though something wasn’t right. A whole decade had almost passed, and we were exactly in the same place where we started. I was ready to finish school and hopefully start a new career. He had recently been fired from his job, and was struggling to find new work, yet stayed home playing video games more often than he tried to find a job.

While I tried hard to make things work, including counseling, I got to the point where I was done being put on the back burner in life. It was time to work toward building a better life for myself and my kids. After years of being somebody else’s wife, the desire to be on my own grew more and more. I was scared to death to live on my own, but I saved up and made it happen.

At first, I felt very scared about dating someone new. Thankfully Gregg gave me the tools and advice I needed to get back out there. After so many years out of the dating pool, I realized it is important more than ever to keep a digital connection going, as well as a real-life connection.

While I was worried about my kids, I can say that they are now doing better than ever. They sense my newfound happiness, which has in turn made them happier, too. I have been liberated from many things that were holding me back in the past, and I am confident things will get better and better every day. It’s an open world full of many possibilities, and I’m loving every minute of it!

It’s Never too Late to Look Past Mistakes and Restart YOUR Life!

You might also be interested in another reader story by Anna – Dating Over 40: Middle Aged and Kickin’ It.

Do You Really Challenge Yourself? Build Confidence with Something New

Do You Really Challenge Yourself? Build Confidence with Something New

Build Confidence

Did you know you can build confidence by trying new things or taking risks? Both those things may feel a bit daunting right now, but hear me out as I explain why you should give both a try, okay?

Do you ever assess where you are in life? Nothing too deep, just stuff like have I done anything really daring lately? Or what’s the one thing in life I’ll NEVER do? It’s Kirbie today, and I’ve been running this question through my head quite a bit lately. I’m not sure I’m happy with the answer.

Build Confidence by Facing Fears

We have a big family vacation coming up in about a week. I’m looking to it with mixed emotions, but that’s a different story. My middle daughter, who is wound pretty tight, is talking about going zip-lining. I’m shocked that she’s even uttered the words, but she has. She and her boyfriend are planning to go zip-lining while we’re relaxing in the beautiful foothills of the Smokey Mountains.

Between her wanting to do that, and rereading a couple of Gregg’s books lately, I’ve begun to wonder what I’ve done lately to challenge myself or do something I’m afraid of. The answer is very little. I’ve taken risks, no doubt, and I do feel more confident because of them, but there are some things on my “I’d never do that” list that I’m reconsidering.

When I look back on my 50+ years of life, I realize that I’ve taken risks in the past. I rode a roller coaster, actually two different roller coasters on two different trips to the same amusement park. Both times, the risk was taken due to peer pressure (ahh high school!). I’m terrified of roller coasters, so this was a biggie for me. Even those water log rides are pushing it for me, but if my Mom will go, who am I to stand and hold purses?

There’s No Time Like the Present!

In the 30 years since high school, I don’t think I’ve taken many big risks. I took a trip to Lake Tahoe many years ago and hiked with a boyfriend up the mountain. It was just a day hike – maybe 4 hours up, 5 or so back down, and it was a tremendous challenge for me because I have major knee issues. I felt such a sense of pride and accomplishment, and I’d actually like to do it again.

I was recently rereading To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man, just one of Gregg’s best-selling dating advice books. While reading, this issue of challenging yourself came up again and I started thinking about what I’ve done lately that was risky or challenging. Other than leaving corporate America to work on my own, I can’t come up with much. All I can come up with is some public speaking and a trip by myself to France. It’s time to make some changes!

Create Goals

My first step is to make a new list of goals. This list will have a few items that feel risky, to me anyway. Once I have my list, I’ll make a plan of attack. I use the word attack instead of action because I think I need to attack my fears. Taking action just seems too mild-mannered, Clark Kent instead of Superman, or Superwoman!

After that, I need to find someone brave enough to go with me, but this shouldn’t be a problem. Then, it’s time to take some risks. Some of the things on my list are truly things I’m terrified of, so I need to muster up quite a bit of courage, but I think I can manage.

build confidence

My Journey to Build Confidence

Early Childhood

It’s natural to have fears. Everyone does, but that doesn’t mean we should allow those fears to dictate how we live our lives. I grew up a scared, shy little girl. My mother was a bit of a tyrant at times, and I was afraid of her. I lived with different kinds of fear then, and facing any of them wasn’t something I considered.

As kids, we didn’t even think about crossing our mother. To be fair, she acknowledges that she was a bit over the top, but I’ve also come to recognize that she is sadly a low-confidence woman. She’s very anxious and doesn’t see the beautiful, kind, and giving person everyone else sees.

A Young Adult

My low confidence and self-esteem carried me through my school years and into my adulthood. I married too young, latching on to the first guy who showed an interest. The benefit of the marriage was four beautiful children and now eight wonderful grandchildren, but I continued to make mistakes because of my low confidence.

After twelve years, we divorced, which always causes a dip in confidence. It’s hard to believe mine could go lower. Like most women who’ve experienced a breakup, I started looking for a relationship too soon. Of course, this is where I believed I would uncover my worth and be validated. I could find happiness again if only I could find a new man. And I did, but what a mess. I won’t even bore you with what a disaster that was!

After a couple of years, I moved two hours away, which was a considerable risk number one! My confidence grew a little, but not enough to make a difference. To make a lot of failed relationship stories short, I still dated anyone who showed an interest. I was clueless about confidence and whether I had any, which, of course, I didn’t.

Then a few years later, I took a more significant risk and returned to school. Three of my four kids were in school full-time, so I had more time. Each quarter brought new, perhaps irrational fears, but I was always able to find my class (fear #1), and most of the time, I could almost understand the instructors (fear #2). Additionally, I was getting good grades (fear #3).

An Old Lady

When I graduated from The Ohio State University, I was fortunate enough to be hired by my father to work for his non-profit. I had built some confidence while in college, but I had a way to go, and I was still clueless about the idea of confidence, so I didn’t know I needed to do the work.

While working for him, my confidence grew quite a bit. Over the ten years, I worked for the non-profit, I was thrown into situations where I had to fake it to look like I knew what I was doing. Here are a few things that helped me finally build some meaningful confidence during those years. I:

  • Oversaw the construction of our new office space and, later, an expansion
  • Attended and sometimes ran meetings with business leaders
  • Obtained certification as an innovation coach
  • Led workshops on innovation with companies
  • Developed and led several sister state organizations to help teens understand the potential for jobs in manufacturing
  • Traveled to Lyon, France, to speak to a group of business leaders about innovation

I know that sort of reads like a resume, but each of those things is on the list because each one forced me to face a fear or try something new, often both.

Fast forward ten years, and I’m working for Gregg. This was the most significant factor in my quest to build confidence. Gregg is a wonderful mentor, and he’s enabled me to spread my wings. Between reading and writing with him, I’ve grown into a confident woman.

Now, not only have I spread my creative wings with my own creative business, but I’m in a wonderful relationship that wouldn’t have worked many years ago!

How Building Confidence Works

When you live in fear, as I did for so many years, your confidence is low. Facing a fear gives you more of a can-do attitude. If you can overcome that fear, maybe you can overcome another. It builds on itself. Your belief in yourself grows with each new fear you overcome.

The same is true of setting goals. When you set a goal and later achieve that goal, you believe in yourself, which is the definition of confidence. Confidence is your belief in your ability to do something. A small goal will boost your confidence a little bit while reaching a more significant goal boosts your confidence more.

As you consider your journey to build confidence, I hope it will include goal-setting and facing your fears! Best of luck to you! I’m off to check that list!

Mentoring – It’s Time!

Mentoring – It’s Time!

Build Confidence

I was taking a shower this morning and I had a great idea, somewhere between scrubbing my toes and rinsing the shampoo from my eyes. My idea was this: somewhere around the 7th grade we should all be assigned a mentor for the school year! This should be mandatory. He or she, with the help from their parents, and maybe the school counselors, would pick someone from the community whom they would like to connect with for a mentor. It would really be cool if mentoring became our civic duty, like voting, so every child could get a leg-up. The benefits would be twofold: the mentor would get recognized for what he or she does in life, boosting his or her confidence and making them better people with better confidence; and the children would get a new friend, cheerleaders and motivator to help them learn to make better life decisions. The children would get new ideas, and they can see how these people have made a difference and really helped others. Mentors can come in the form of all the wonderful people who make any community vibrant – firemen, barbers, construction workers and volunteers can all come together to mentor one child for a school year. I know that we have seen this before but it usually happens one day out of the school year where people just come in and speak to a class for day. I advocate a mentoring program much more comprehensive. In addition, l advocate a course one day a week, taught to every 7th grader by life coaches who can teach children about having a life vision, the importance of goals and goal setting techniques. These were the things that I was exposed to as a kid, because my dad was a life coach. It changed my life for the better. This would be especially helpful for the children who don’t have proper role models in their lives. The children who do have role models will get an outside, unbiased understanding of what their life options could be. In either case, whether they live in the inner city or the suburbs, children would be less likely to choose gangs, drugs or other detrimental life choices. This would lead to a better society, and yes, better relationships that will lead to better family units when they decide to settle down. I can’t see any downside to this mentoring program, can you?
  • Absolutely no cost to the community
  • No endless, useless, political fighting
  • Mentors who benefit from volunteering and in turn build their confidence
  • The children get to see the positive choices available to them
OK, back to my shower, I am not done scrubbing.
Raise Your Standards! How Much Emotional Baggage Is Too Much?

Raise Your Standards! How Much Emotional Baggage Is Too Much?

Build Confidence, Find Happily Ever After, Understand Men

We’ve all been there. We meet someone we’re super attracted to, but they come with a LOT of baggage. We all have our fair share, but this seems to be almost too much to handle. You wonder, does your relationship have a fighting chance or will it be smothered under the weight of these issues? Should you stick it out in hopes that things will get better in time, or is it a lost cause? How can you know? But just the fact that you are questioning it should be a red flag. How much emotional baggage is too much?

You know you are a woman of value who can have her pick of men. You know what you want in a man, and how you want to be treated. If you have high standards (as you should!), you can save yourself from the pain and heartache guaranteed to come from a man with too much baggage.

In To Date a Man, You Must Understand A Man, Gregg gives us a great list of unnecessary baggage to watch out for. Keep this list ready whenever you meet a new man, and save yourself a lot of wasted time and energy. After all, you are THE CHOOSER!

  • Is he just out of a major relationship? Does he constantly bring up his ex and make comparisons? Do you feel like you can’t live up to his memory of a past girlfriend, or does he angrily accuse you of acting just like her? Time to cut your loses and run.
  • Is he being harassed by his ex or other women? Does she text him in the middle of the night, vandalize his car, or make threats directed at either of you? This kind of baggage can only lead to disaster.
  • Does he have a bunch of kids under the age of 10? Young kids are a huge responsibility, and they are a tie that binds him to his ex…. Forever. And why didn’t it work out with the mom (or moms) anyway? Probably best to steer clear of this kind of situation, unless you are ready to be an instant step-mom.
  • Is he about to move to another city, town or country? Entering a long-distance relationship is hard enough on established couples, let alone a new relationship. Think of it logically. How can love grow when you hardly ever see each other? Are you really going to travel back and forth? Sticking with this guy may even prevent you from meeting someone awesome who can be present in your life.
  • Is he a total mommy’s boy? Does her opinion and advice matter more to him than yours? Does he choose her over you? Is he not able to stand up to his mom when he should? Is he overly affectionate with his mom? Does he tell her everything? Speaking from experience, if you are dating a mommy’s boy, stop…. unless you don’t mind his mom being a third person in your relationship, because she always will be.
  • Does he want to borrow money from you right out of the gate? Big red flag! Just say no to the relationship…. and the loan of course.
  • Does he have a felony record and/or criminal convictions? It’s always a good idea to do a background check before dating a guy.
  • Do your friends and family hate him? These people love you and have your back. They would not steer you wrong. When you are into a guy you may only see the good, so maybe they see something you can’t.
  • Does his own family hate him? These are the people who are supposed to love him unconditionally. Big red flag all the way around.
  • Does your dog hate him? If your dog loves everyone but hates your man, you should think twice! Dogs are smart. What is Fido sensing that you’re not?
  • Does he hate or mistreat animals? If his treatment of animals alarms you, or he lacks compassion for others, you may want to think twice.
  • Does he have anger issues? Does he threaten you or anyone else? If you are afraid of his temper, it’s not likely a healthy or safe situation to be in.
  • Does he have a personal hygiene problem? We all want to impress in the beginning, so things will only get worse as he gets more comfortable. If a guy doesn’t care enough now, you probably shouldn’t keep him around for later.
  • Is he conceited and selfish? Remember, a quality man will put you first.
  • Does he have no friends? There must be a reason why. Is he too focused on work? Does he lack confidence? Is there something off-putting about his personality or sense of humor?
  • Is he always on porn sites? Many men have replaced real sex and intimacy with porn. If it’s an issue, walk away.

Relationships are filled with compromise. We compromise on what to have for dinner, what movie to see this weekend, and whether or not we follow the same politics. But these are basic compromises that help us grow in a relationship — they do NOT leave us feeling drained and overwhelmed. Gregg would say if his baggage is getting in the way, it’s time to raise your standards and “dump his ass!”

Developing a Workout Habit

Developing a Workout Habit

Build Confidence, Self care

Swimsuit season is just around the corner if you’re like me and live in what was recently the frozen tundra. It’s Kirbie today and I thought we should have a little chat about getting into a good workout habit. Working out is not only good for your body and improving how you look on the outside, but it has benefits to your mind as well.

Set a time of day

I have found that the best workout routine I ever had was just that – a routine. Not in the sense of doing 50 sit-ups followed by 30 jumping jacks, but routine meaning every day when I came home from work, I got into my workout clothes straight out of my work clothes and headed off to the gym. It became part of my day. I was even able to tweak my work schedule a bit so that I got home a little earlier, allowing me to grab a shower and still get dinner going at a reasonable hour.

Get a buddy

Working out, especially in the beginning, is hard work, and it’s easy to say “I’m going to skip it today, I’m tired.” If, however, you ask a friend to start working out with you, they’re more likely to cheer you on, and you’re more likely to keep working out to help them stay encouraged. It also gives you someone to talk to while you’re working out and someone to share your aches and pains.

Tell someone

Have someone you trust to hold you accountable for your workout. This person should be someone who will hold your feet to the fire and ask you periodically how you’re doing. This can be really beneficial when you start to hit a wall. Make sure to tell this person that you expect them to be a little hard you when you need it. That’s what friends are for!

Start slow

If you haven’t worked out in a while, or, well – ever, be sure to start slow. Your first few workouts may only be 10 minutes long, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you’re doing something, and something is always better than nothing. It may be that you can only walk to the mailbox and back – that’s okay. Be sure to increment up slowly. Every few days, add a minute or two. Once you hit maybe 20 minutes, increase the intensity of your workout, instead of the time. Either add some incline to your treadmill or some sort of pressure to the machine you’re using. After you increase that for a while, go back to adding time.

Get a checkup

This should be the first tip, but that’s okay. Make sure to get clearance from your MD before you begin a new workout, especially if you have health issues or have had joint issues in the past. They will give you some ideas of where you should start and may be able to provide you with some dietary advice as well.

Let yourself off of the hook

You should always be driving to do the best workout you can, but some days, it’s just not happening. You may get 15 or 20 minutes in and just be wiped out. Wind down and wrap it up. It’s not worth forcing it. Your body may be trying to tell you something and it pays to listen. Tomorrow is another day and you will be back at it.

Drink lots of water

Take water with you to the gym. If you’re doing an outdoor workout and it’s hot, freeze a water bottle ahead of time and take that with you. It will melt as you go along and it will stay cold. Trust me, by the time you’re done, it’ll be empty! The important thing is to stay hydrated, otherwise you’ll run out of gas before you’re done. You should also be well hydrated before you go to the gym, and you should drink more when you get home.

Set some goals

Spend your first few days trying out different routines or machines, then go home and set some goals. If you have decided that the elliptical is your machine, make a plan for increasing your time and effort. Set a goal for getting from 10 minutes to 20, then from 20 to 30. How many days will it take you? Be reasonable but not too easy on yourself. Don’t forget to account for increasing intensity – build that in as well. This isn’t about setting weight loss goals, it’s about setting goals on the machine. The bonus is that you’ll lose weight and shed some of the flabby stuff we all hate.

Change things up from time to time

Even if you prefer the elliptical, you might think about using a different machine every now and then. Maybe once a week, use the bike instead. Another great workout option is to do a machine every other day and fill in with weight lifting on the off days. This is actually great for your bone structure and helps to prevent osteoarthritis. If you find that you plateau with your weight loss, this can be a great way to shake things up.

Get good shoes and take care of them

You don’t need to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe, but you will definitely thank yourself if you get a good pair of shoes. Ask someone at the shoe store for help if you’re not sure what to get. There are now shoes for any activity you want to do, so choose wisely. Try them on, walk around in them for a few minutes and make sure they will feel good on you while you’re working out. Once you have those shoes, take good care of them, and replace about every 3 months. Never wash sneakers. Spot clean them, take out the insoles and wash them, and wash the laces separately – all can be done in your kitchen sink.

Final thoughts

I find getting into a workout routine to be very difficult. It takes a massive amount of will power to stick with it, but if you can manage to force yourself for a week or two, you’ll become ‘addicted’ to the endorphins that are produced and you’ll find yourself wanting to work out! I promise!! I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true. Try it for a few weeks and you will see!

Get Over Your Ex | How to Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend

Get Over Your Ex | How to Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend

Build Confidence

A breakup can feel like a sucker punch to the gut. You feel like the wind was knocked out of you and breathing almost takes too much effort.

How can you make this awful feeling go away? How do you breathe again? What on earth is going to help you get over your ex?

There is good news amidst your heartbreak. You can get over him. You will breathe again. Soon, you’ll want to get back out there.

I promise.

Meanwhile, what can you do?

how to get over your ex boyfriend

Get Over Your Ex by Recognizing the Stages of Grieving a Relationship

I wrote about this topic here, and in that article, I outline the stages of a breakup, so I won’t do that again now, but I will give you the summary.

Basically, there are nine stages of grieving a relationship. They are:

  • Shock
  • Denial
  • Desperate for answers
  • External bargaining
  • Internal bargaining
  • Relapse
  • Initial acceptance
  • Anger
  • Hope

With the exception of shock, which is usually the first stage, you may visit these stages multiple times, each time feeling a little better than the last time. You also won’t move through them in the order listed above. You bounce around them. You may stay in one stage for a few hours or a few days.

While you’re in these stages, you may experience binge behaviors, promiscuity, self-doubt, and other negative feelings and behaviors. Recognize that you’re in the middle of this grief process, try to modify your behaviors so you don’t harm yourself or your finances, and move through the stage.

Cry it Out

Crying often doesn’t feel good because it makes you feel as if you’re out of control, but you aren’t.

Crying allows you to dump some of that negative emotion and burn off some energy at the same time.

Someone you thought was at least a semi-permanent fixture in your life has now exited. While it isn’t a death, it’s still a significant loss, so take a day off work and allow yourself time to heal.

Your mind and body are going through a withdrawal from the body chemicals and hormones associated with love and that can be brutal. Once you’ve had a good cry, it’s time to move on to the next step.

how to get over your ex boyfriend

Get Over Your Ex by Getting Rid of His Stuff – ALL of His Stuff

Don’t break anything valuable! Just go to a big box store and get a box or two for his stuff. Do a few football spikes of his shirts, toothbrush, and other items into the boxes and burn off some of the emotions you’re feeling.

And no cheating either. Don’t keep one t-shirt to put under your pillow so you can still have his scent close by. Put it ALL in the box and give it some storage space where you won’t see it all the time (i.e. not right outside the garage door into your house or by the kitchen door).

Implement the No Contact Rule

The no-contact rule is often discussed in relation to getting him back, but you also need to use it if you don’t want him back.

Maintaining contact with him is like picking off a scab. Every time you do it, you bleed a little, and the pain returns.

If no contact is impossible because you work in the same place or share children, keep your contact to discussions of those topics and not your relationship.

Remember, no contact also means no social media contact. Block him from all your social media platforms and remove him as a friend or someone you follow.

Additionally, you may need to do the same with his friends because you may see stuff about him in their posts.

Get Over Your Ex by Forgiving Him

Everyone thinks that forgiveness is like saying that whatever he did was okay, but that isn’t what forgiveness is at all.

When you hold onto anger and grudges, you’re wasting precious energy and mental space on someone who doesn’t want to be friends with you or someone who wants to hurt you. Why?

Why do that to yourself?

Forgiveness is for you. You don’t need to walk up to someone and tell them you forgive them. Forgive them in your mind, body, and soul. This allows you to let go of the anger and bitterness and move forward.

You're a Survivor!

You might not feel like you can survive a breakup when it first happens, but if you look back in your life, you'll see that you've survived breakups before! This is a great article to help you, but there are others! Click the button below to check them out!

Read More About It

Get Real with the Relationship

Often after a breakup, there’s a tendency to remember things as more of a fantasy than what they were really like. You want the good back, but not the bad, so you recall only the good.

Every relationship and I mean every relationship has both good and bad. If you’re going through heartbreak, you’re probably remembering the good.

You want to go back to the time when you were in a fantasy relationship, except that relationship doesn’t really exist, except in your mind.

Get real with the fact that the relationship wasn’t all good. That’s probably especially true for the last few weeks or even months. You want the fantasy but try also to remember that it wasn’t all fantastic.

Get Over Your Ex by Loving Yourself Again

Self-love isn’t the same as arrogance or egotism or even narcissism. Loving yourself means you know you’re a valuable human being who deserves wonderful things.

It’s about knowing you’re valuable and that you deserve to be taken care of. It’s your sense of self-worth and self-esteem working together.

Having self-worth and self-esteem helps you have self-confidence as well. You believe in your ability to do something, like enjoy a great relationship, run a company or paint a masterpiece.

The best way to start loving yourself again is to practice self-care.

Take time out of your busy schedule to pamper yourself. Read a good book. Go outside and enjoy the sights and smells. Take a bubble bath. These are all great ways to practice self-care.

Acknowledge Your Role in the Breakup

Before you can enjoy a healthy relationship again, you need to assess what happened in the old one. While I’d like to tell you it’s all his fault, the truth is that it takes two people to make a great relationship and it takes two people to break one too.

Nobody is blameless in a breakup. Each of you played a role, whether you realized it at the time or not.

By taking a real look at the relationship and what role you played, you can learn and try to avoid those mistakes again. This is how we grow as individuals.

how to get over your ex boyfriend

Take Your Time Re-Entering the Dating World

Everyone is encouraging you to get right back out there. Find a new guy and everything will be fine again.

The rebound guy isn’t going to be the one. Dating on the rebound is a great way to avoid doing all the things you really need to do to heal from the breakup.

Sure, dating again feels great. You feel wanted again and attractive, but you won’t draw in a great guy on the rebound because your confidence is low and your frame of mind isn’t really on a new relationship, it’s on making the pain go away.

There’s a great line in an old movie, When Harry Met Sally, with Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan. She has just broken up with a man she had been with for five years. One of her best friends whips out her man-o-dex (rolodex full of potential husbands) and starts pulling out cards.

In response to her friend, Ryan says, “Look, there is no point in my going out with someone I might really like if I met him at the right time but who right now has no chance of being anything other than a transitional man.”

And she’s right. Your Mr. Perfect might be out there, but you may waste meeting him if you aren’t ready yet.

Knowing how to not date a jerk includes embracing your single life and taking the time to become a confident, independent woman. Riding Solo, a book written specifically for women who want to do just that, walks you through overcoming the stigma of being single on to becoming that independent, confident woman. This places you in the best possible position to find and date wonderful, great men who are not jerks.

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Get Over Your Ex by Realizing You Will Love Again

Right now, it might seem like there is no other man you will love as much as you love or loved your ex, but there is.

The trick to feeling the same, or even a deeper level of love again is to let go of this one. No man wants to play second-fiddle in your life, so don’t make him.

Your next love might be even more awesome and deeper than the love you just experienced with your ex.

Begin to Envision What That Guy Looks Like

Okay, so I don’t mean what he physically looks like, but what’s the man you want to date like?

A great way to do this is to go back over your past relationships and make two lists for each guy. One list is his good qualities and the other contains his bad qualities.

After you’ve done that for each man, look for trends. You’ll begin to see things like:

  • He works with his hands
  • He’s college educated
  • He’s funny
  • He loves sports

This begins to outline for you some of the qualities you should look for in a new man. When you review the list of negatives, you might see:

  • He’s never on time
  • He hates sports
  • He has a dog (and you’re allergic) – hey it still counts
  • He’s too clingy

Knowing what good and bad qualities to watch out for helps you begin to envision who the next man in your life might be. This takes your attention away from your ex and puts it into the future.

Get Over Your Ex by Having Fun

It’s okay to have fun, even when you’re grieving. This is a great way to focus your attention on something besides the breakup for a while.

Whether you choose a weekend getaway with a few girlfriends, a girls’ night out, or even a mini-vacation, choose something that you’ll truly enjoy, but not something with too much alone time for thinking!

You can also dig into a new hobby or dredge up an old one. The point is to refocus your thoughts into something you enjoy so you spend less time ruminating and wallowing in the past.

Write Him a Letter

Put your grief into words by writing your ex a letter. You aren’t going to send it. In fact, you’ll destroy it, but get it all out on paper.

A few things that appear will probably surprise you and that’s part of the benefit. If you begin to let your thoughts wander through your arm and onto the paper, surprising things happen.

You can also put your forgiveness in the letter. This is a great way to dump that anger and bitterness and move forward in a healthy way.

After you feel you’ve said all you need to say in the letter, burn it or shred it. Destroy it in some (safe) way. It’s very freeing.

how to get over your ex boyfriend

Ditch the Woe is Me Playlist

It’s fine to have a sad song playlist. In fact, go ahead and play it while you cry things out, but then, find a new list that energizes and empowers you. Find songs that make you want to dance around your living room.

These songs will make you feel uplifted and happy and it’s okay to try to feel happy right now. In fact, I encourage it!

Get Over Your Ex by Working Out

I will never tell you to work out so you can attract a man. Forget that. Work out for you. When you work out, a few good things happen. Of course, the most obvious is that you get into better shape.

But another thing happens when you work out – your body produces endorphins, and those endorphins are great for alleviating stress and anxiety.

It also sends a signal that you are worth taking care of. Let’s face it, the last person most of us take care of is ourselves. You read about self-care above, but it doesn’t often feel like it should come from working out.

That’s a Wrap!

I know that right now it doesn’t feel like you’ll ever get over him, but if you implement the suggestions above, you will start to feel better sooner.

Before you know it, he’ll be a distant memory, maybe even a fond one.

Confidence Course for Women is Here

Confidence Course for Women is Here

Build Confidence

Confidence Course for Women

Self-confidence is in play everyday of our lives. Unfortunately, most people’s confidence has taken a beating through out our lives. Childhood and failed relationships are just two easy ways to put a dent in the old confidence armor. There are other things that occur throughout your life that may ding you up a little bit. Do not despair – I am here to help you get it back – permanently! That’s why I have developed this confidence course for women.

This course will help you get your confidence back. It’s simple, easy and powerful. This confidence course for women provides you with practical examples and a special toolbox, created just for you! By the end of this course, you will be a new and confident woman with goals to pursue and a busy life!

Have you ever listened to that little voice in your head? The voice which says “you can’t do that” or “you are too fat” is about to go. That type of self-talk is counterproductive and it stops today! You will learn the value of affirmations and how to change your self talk from negative to positive, recognizing the good you do in your everyday life. You will learn to set goals, understand the value of meditation and you will begin to concentrate on meaningful things that are important in your life.

Why should you involve yourself in a confidence course for women? Not only will this help you develop a higher level of confidence and self-esteem, but you will be attracting men – and not just any men either – high value men! High value men are attracted to women who light up a room when they walk in, proud, confident and standing tall. When a confident woman enters a room, she does so with her shoulders square, a contagious smile and eyes that are dancing around the room, looking for the first of many people she will engage in conversation. This can be you!

The first confidence building book for women and a best-seller, Comfortable in Your Own Shoes will prepare you to meet great men and enjoy a happy and fulfilling life. And not just any life, but a life you design for yourself. YOUR life your way! 

Are you ready to start planning that great life? Click below to get started today! There’s no time like now to live your life on your terms!

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5 Rules To Follow on Your Journey to Catch Mr. Right

5 Rules To Follow on Your Journey to Catch Mr. Right

Build Confidence, Date Great Men

How to Know if You Found the Right Guy?

In To Date a Man, You Must Understand A Man: The Keys to Catch a Great Guy, Gregg says, “Cast a net off your boat and fill your bucket with men. Then throw back the losers and keep a few in your koi pond.” So how do you know if you should reel him in or cast him overboard?

It’s Tiffany today to remind you that you are the CHOOSER! It’s all up to you to decide whether or not he’s a keeper. And it’s not that hard to figure out, once you have the right gear. I’m not talking fishing poles and actual nets, but solid tools and rules to follow on your journey to catch Mr. Right.

Write It Down

So, you’ve been on a few dates and you have him firmly in your net. Before you go any farther, stop and write down at least ten sentences that detail exactly how you want to be treated by a guy.

Do you want a man who puts you first? Someone who makes you laugh? Someone respectful? Thoughtful? Romantic? Once you have a solid ten, narrow it down to a good three to five items that are non-negotiable.

Now promise yourself you will not fall for the guy unless he proves — consistently, through his actions — that he is the quality man you are looking for. No exceptions. If he doesn’t realistically meet your standards, cast him overboard.

Take A Step Back

When we are really into someone, we tend to view everything with blinders on. It’s hard to assess the relationship clearly when we only see the good. But is he truly a decent guy?

Or is he just hot, without any real substance? In Who Holds The Cards Now? 5 Lethal Steps to Win His Heart and Get Him to Commit, Gregg Michaelsen advises us to slow down and take a step back to discover his true worth.

This is especially important before sex gets in the way, and clouds our minds even more. Remember, YOU hold the cards. Keep it in lock-down mode until you are sure he is a man of value.

Have Your Friends Meet Him

You may have blinders on, but your friends surely don’t! Good girlfriends have your back, and can help you see if he’s the real deal, or just a blowfish. Try not to get defensive when they give you their unbiased opinion.

Listen to what they have to say and trust that they want what’s best for you. If the guy isn’t all that, they can help you give him the heave ho. Cast him overboard. But if they think you found the right guy, reel him in!

Is He Mr. Right?

Meet His Friends

This can be a real game changer. If he doesn’t want you to meet his buddies, there is something wrong. Cast him overboard. If he wants you to meet his buddies, and wants to show you off — great! Take this time to find out what they have to say about your man.

Do they respect him? Is he a reliable, stand up guy? Or is he a girl chaser? Is he a slob? Also pay attention to how your man behaves in this situation. Is he attentive to you? Is he confident and relaxed? Does he put you first? Or is he always siding with the guys? Is he nervous? Insecure? Clingy? Is he crudely checking out other girls? Is he an obnoxious drunk?

Does his personality change in a negative way when he’s with his crew? Remember, if his friends are immature, or if they are all players, chances are he is too. If you find that’s the case, get rid of him — fast!

Follow Your Intuition

Does he make excuses all the time? Does he fail to step up when you need him? Is he too busy to meet your family and friends? Is he controlling? Self-centered? Rude? These are all red flags!

Whatever the behavior may be, if it gives you those uneasy vibes, it’s wrong! When in doubt, follow your intuition. We women are famous for it, so use it — and lose him. Cast him overboard!

On your way to “The One,” you are bound to catch a few bad fish. But remember, there are plenty of men in the sea, so keep casting your net and reel in the good ones! Who knows, you might just score the catch of a lifetime!

Hi, I’m Tiffany — the new girl! Gregg has summoned my powers to help his blog grow by leaps and bounds. Gregg, Kirbie and I will help bring you the complete gamut of ideas, solutions and issues we all face in the name of love.

Do Your Surroundings Suck?

Do Your Surroundings Suck?

Build Confidence

Are you surrounded by toxic food? Toxic work ethics? Toxic people?

It occurrs to me, through my coaching, that many of you cannot get out of your own way, not because you aren’t trying, but because your surroundings are detrimental to your growth. To put it bluntly – your environment sucks!

Hello again, Gregg here to weigh in on this important subject!

I’m sorry, but if your roommate just shoves tacos down her throat while watching reality shows with her loser boyfriend all day, and your Mom calls every afternoon wondering what you are going to do with your life, then it’s time for change. Misery loves company – and it’s time to take a hard look at what is contributing to your own misery.

Change comes from within, but to begin making changes, it is important to surround yourself with a support system that motivates you, not one that holds you back. As part of your new vision and goals, there must be a clause stating how you are going to break free from the “bad company.” And I’m not talking about the 80’s band here.

Talk to your friends and family and get them on board with your goals.

Ask them to support you, and maybe even join you, in reversing weight gain, taking on a new career or in your effort to quit smoking. You will be surprised, when you ask them, just how supportive they can be. If they aren’t, then lose these friends or (in the case of family) limit your exposure to times when you can handle their misery.

Reach out to new people

I talk about having mentors in your life all the time. Go out, find, and follow these people. Make new friends and hang out with the winners. These are the few that share your passions, love to try new things, and have the ability to shut down their electronics for a second to share an actual thought!

Clean out your environment

Unplug the Xbox, clean out the junk food in the cupboards and launch Shaun T’s T25 CD workout, then watch your endorphins dance after this massive calorie-killing workout!

Have your kindle or IPad charged and beside your favorite chair, loaded with my dating books! Set up an area outside so you can get out there during nice weather and do a few activities. Inside, make a few changes that will symbolize the changes to come. Make things brighter and throw some positive sayings up on the wall. Set up a yoga and meditation area!

Conclusion

Your surroundings might be the roadblock to your success. Look around and take inventory. Make sure that your outside, negative influences are minimized, if not gone.  Incorporate these 3 things into your new goals (you are setting new goals, right?) and watch the magic happen!

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