You’ve probably landed here because you searched something like how to get over a breakup or how to get over him. The good news is you’ve come to the right place!
When you experience a breakup, there are so many things going on inside your mind and body. Things you’re probably not even aware of. You’re engaging in activities you don’t normally do like binge drinking, being sexually promiscuous or going out shopping.
This is all a normal part of the process. It’s your body trying to kick-start your happy hormone production again. Tricky, right? Being aware of what your mind and body are putting you through can help you jump-start the healing process.
You probably have days when you’d like to kick him in the…well, we both know and, quite frankly, it pains me to write it. You have other days when you miss him terribly and want him back, no matter what you have to do. Heck, you may even have a weak moment where you hook up with him again, if even for just a night.
When it boils right down to it, what you need to do is be able to get over him so you can move forward in a healthy way! You need a few tools, six maybe, to help you process the feelings and come out on the other side, raring to go!
Get Over Him By Grieving But Just Briefly
The death of a relationship is similar to the death of a loved one. Someone is gone from your life and you’re sad, angry, hopeful and sometimes, in denial. In order to get over him, you need to proceed through these stages without allowing this grief to consume you.
Nobody can tell you how long is long enough. Use your determination to get through this. Don’t let this bring you down, at least not for long!
A great way to do that is find something to keep you busy. Are you passionate about any causes? Do you have hobbies? Are there far away friends you can visit? Can you redecorate your bedroom or kitchen?
Dig into one or two of these today. Use sites like Meetup to find activities near you. Get involved in your community.
What’s important is to stop asking yourself, Why Did He Leave?
Cut Him Out Of The Will
It’s time to shoo him out of your life. Pictures, emails, texts and Facebook memories all bring him back in full, living color. Getting rid of them helps you get over him! If you don’t have any business together, block him from social media and your phone.
Feel the anger over the breakup and use that energy to boot him from your life. Stop visiting places you know he frequents. If this means getting a new gym, do it. If you need to hang out at a different Starbucks, go for it. All of those places are just ways for you to cave during a weak moment. Then you have to go through this all over again.
Who has time for that?
Not you because you just got yourself busy!
Write Him A Letter
Put your grief into words by writing him a letter. You’re never going to send it to him, it’s for you. You need to say what you want to say to him but, at the end, you need to do something important. Forgive him.
Yes, forgive him. Even if you don’t feel like forgiving him, your last line should read something like, “Alex, I forgive you for your angry outbursts that made me afraid.” After you’ve written the letter, walk away from it for a few days.
When you come back, read it out loud, slowly. Allow the feelings to come. Feel them, don’t stuff them.
After you’ve read the letter, safely find a place to burn it. After it’s safely burned, turn around and walk away. This is symbolic of letting him go.
Get To The Gym
There is a lot of stress and anger that comes with a breakup. Your body is experiencing a constant dose of fight or flight chemicals which, in the long term, is unhealthy.
Exercise is one of the best ways to get rid of that stress. It releases endorphins which negate those fight or flight chemicals. Even taking a ten-minute walk can go a long way toward alleviating stress and it’s something you can do, even while you’re at work.
Not only does exercise help you alleviate stress but it helps you begin to think about yourself again. You probably focused some of your time and energy on him. Now, use it all for yourself! You deserve to take care of yourself and today is the day to start!
Have A Me Day
Take some time to pamper yourself. If you can afford a full spa day, go for it. Let someone else massage you and care for you. Drink in some nice chamomile tea and let your worries float away in the steam. Get your nails done and feel pretty.
At the end of your Me Day, go out with some girlfriends or curl up with a good book and relax. You earned this day. Make it what you want!
Moms especially need to do this. Now that you’re single, you may feel you need to put 200% of your time and energy into your kids. The truth is you need to take care of yourself. What good are you for them if you’re completely run down? Let them see what it means to take care of yourself.
Rediscover Who You Are
I call this recalibrating. You were part of a pair but now you’re single. Your values shifted to accommodate his. Now you need to figure out what your values are. What do you believe in? What will your boundaries be going into a new relationship?
These are all very important questions that only you can answer. Take some time and really discover the answers.