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Taking Personal Responsibility to Find Love

Written ByKirbie Earley

Kirbie has been with Gregg and the Who Holds the Cards Now family for more than ten years, helping with website design, books and articles, emails, and many other tasks. She and Gregg have worked to grow the Who Holds the Cards Now community over the years, reaching hundreds of thousands of women with books, articles, and social media.

Big things are in store for me and you this year. I hope you are as excited as I am about this new year! Are you? You’re not??? Why not?

Ohhh, I know, you haven’t found a high value man yet.

Why not?

Nevermind, the reason doesn’t matter. That’s in the past.

Today is the day I challenge you to join me in taking personal responsibility for the future.

Are you ready?

First, you need to make a decision. Do you want to find love or don’t you? You have all the tools. Gregg has twelve of the best books on the market covering almost everything you need to know.

I hear all kinds of excuses from women who say they can’t take the steps in these books:

  • “It’s too hard.”
  • “I don’t have the time.”
  • “ Online dating sucks, they are all creeps.”
  • “ I’m overweight so I never get chosen.”

Excuses!

I have a close friend who can’t lose weight. We’ll call my friend Debbie. Debbie is 40 pounds overweight and complains daily about how the gym sucks. She tried another gym and she said the same thing to me.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

I said, “Debbie, it’s not the gyms – it’s you. The gym is just a big space with weights and machines which just sit there. They have no personality.

You need to do something with them. The refrigerator is very similar – a machine that you need to stock with foods which will keep you thin – but you need to stock it with food which will actually keep you thin!”

Yeah, I upset her– wasn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last.

But do you understand the message? I am holding us both accountable this year! I am asking you to take personal responsibility for your life and I’ll do the same.

I want you to find love, but you need to give it more than just a half-hearted effort.

Online dating doesn’t suck if you know what you are doing

  • Are you screening multiple guys as Gregg describes in Love is in The Mouse?
  • Are you asking the right questions?
  • Are you rotating your pics and visiting the site every day so you stay at the top?
  • Are you casting your net wide?
  • Are you presenting your best side, both with your profile and your pics?
  • Did you take my confidence course before you started dating?

If you are doing these things for real then you are tossing out the losers, the couch potatoes and the users!

If you are committing to yourself and absorbing my information, then you are having success – you have no choice. The quality guys are there, but they need to see you. You need to rise above the others.

Choosing Mr. Right

One of the biggest issues we’re seeing over and over is women are picking and hanging onto the wrong guy!

STOP IT!

If you’re following Gregg’s advice, you are surrounding yourself with several men. This helps you avoid falling into a dangerous trap.

When you only date one guy at a time, you can immediately latch onto him, thinking he should return the favor.

The problem is, he shouldn’t, and why would he anyway?

You don’t know enough about him or vice versa.

You don’t know if he is emotionally available, dating and totally getting into someone else, or what’s going on in his life which may make him a wet kitten – all things which make him a wrong guy for you.

When a guy isn’t right for you, don’t take it personally, be glad you found out before too much time has passed.

Timing is everything.

This same thing applies to ex-boyfriends and husbands. If he won’t deal with his alcoholism, hasn’t supported himself for the last 12 years, and/or isn’t divorced yet, lose him!

Today is the Day for Taking Personal Responsibility

I say these things because Gregg and I care for you. We need to step up – all of us!

This includes me, in fact let’s make a promise to each other to try harder this year.

I’m setting new goals and we’re going to be there for more of you, more often, with the advice and the motivation you need, but you need to do your part. You need to absorb this information and apply it!

Deal? Awesome!

Hopefully, I am helping you today or maybe, like my friend, Debbie, I am making you angry – that’s your decision to make but my heart is in the right place.

Life Plan Tip: Assess Your Current Situation

Now that you understand your vision and goals, it’s time to assess your current situation. First, take a deep dive into where you stand right now. Then, evaluate both your personal and professional life. What’s working well? What areas need improvement? 

Reflect on your past achievements. Celebrating the goals you’ve met can provide a sense of accomplishment and motivate you to keep pushing forward. Identify what you did right and the strategies that led to your success. Conversely, acknowledge what held you back from achieving other goals and what you might need to change. 

Next, assess the resources and tools you currently have at your disposal. Do you have a strong support system, either personally or professionally? If not, consider establishing one. Having people you can rely on for advice, help, and encouragement is invaluable. 

This is where having a personal growth coach can help.

Communication also plays a critical role in assessing your situation. Ask open-ended questions to gather more information about areas you need to improve. Improving your communication skills—like paying attention to your tone of voice, making eye contact, and actively listening—can significantly affect how you interact with others and achieve your goals. 

Don’t forget the practical side of things. Using a work management tool as your central source of truth can help you monitor your progress consistently. With everything in one place, you’ll be better equipped to track your achievements and identify areas where you might be falling behind.

By thoroughly assessing your current situation, you’ll have a clear understanding of where you stand. This foundational step will ensure that your life plan is both realistic and achievable.

Identifying Key Areas of Your Life

Identifying key areas of your life is an important step in creating a well-rounded life plan. To do this,  look at different areas of your life and determine which are most important to you. Common areas include:

  • Career: Consider where you are now and where you want to be. What milestones do you want to achieve?
  • Health: Focus on both physical and mental well-being. What health goals will help you live a longer, happier life?
  • Relationships: Reflect on the quality of your relationships with family, friends, and significant others. How can you strengthen them?
  • Personal Development: Think about the skills and knowledge you want to acquire. What are your passions and interests?
  • Finance: Evaluate your current financial situation and set goals for managing your money better.
  • Recreation: Identify hobbies and activities that bring you joy. How can you incorporate more leisure time into your life?

By breaking down your life into these key categories, you can create specific and actionable goals for each. Remember, the purpose of this exercise is not to overwhelm you but to give you a holistic view of your aspirations.

You won’t work on every area at once, but will focus on the most important areas first. Those are usually the areas that will have a positive impact on other areas. For example, getting your financial house in order will have a positive impact on your ability to enjoy hobbies, travel, buy your dream home or car, and more.

Setting SMARTER Goals

Many people have learned the fundamentals of SMART goals, which you read about above, but I encourage you to set SMARTER goals. This means adding two key elements: Evaluated and Revised.

Evaluated: Regularly assess your progress toward each goal. This doesn’t just give you a clear picture of how far you’ve come, but also lets you quickly spot any setbacks. Ask yourself questions like, “What milestones have I reached?”, “What challenges have I faced?”, and “Am I on track to achieve my goal within the set timeframe?”

Revised: Your goals should never be set in stone. Life is dynamic, and your goals should be flexible enough to adapt to new circumstances. Maybe you’ve discovered a more efficient way to reach your goal, or perhaps external factors have changed your timeline. Be open to making adjustments as needed to stay on course.

Consider this example: Suppose your goal is to run a marathon. Here’s how you can make it SMARTER:

  • Specific: Complete a marathon race.
  • Measurable: Track your progress using a running app.
  • Achievable: Train progressively, starting with short runs and increasing the distance over time.
  • Relevant: Align this goal with your broader aim of improving overall fitness and health.
  • Timely: Set a target date for the marathon, such as six months from now.
  • Evaluated: Check your progress weekly to see how your training is going.
  • Revised: Adjust your training plan if you encounter injuries or need more time to prepare.

Adopting the SMARTER framework in your goal-setting strategy ensures that your life plan remains relevant, realistic, and achievable. It also provides a structured yet flexible approach to personal development, giving you the best chance of success in all your endeavors.

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life plan

Life Plan Tip: Create Actionable Steps

Breaking down your goals into manageable, actionable steps makes a world of difference. Take each of your SMARTER goals and map the steps needed to accomplish them. Imagine you’re drawing a roadmap; each action is a milestone leading you closer to your destination.

For example, if your goal is to run a marathon by the end of the year, your actionable steps might include:

  • Researching marathon training programs
  • Creating a weekly running schedule
  • Registering for a local marathon
  • Joining a running group for support and motivation

Each step should be clear and concise, making it easier to follow through. Writing these down not only clarifies the path forward but also serves as a motivational tool. There’s something satisfying about crossing items off your list!

Additionally, consider leveraging a work management tool to keep track of your progress. Apps or a calendar can keep you organized and provides a sense of accountability as you see your progress over time.

Remember, the reason for actionable steps is to reduce overwhelm. By breaking down your goals into smaller tasks, you transform intimidating objectives into achievable, motivating milestones.

Organizing tasks by their importance and urgency can be an effective method of categorizing your to-do list. Many people set a top three list for each day to help them stay on task.

Once you’ve categorized your activities, incorporate them into your daily routine. A calendar or app might help you track progress and adjust priorities as needed. Some tools come with features that allow you to set deadlines, assign tasks, and monitor completion rates, all of which are essential to maintaining focus and momentum.

Try a few to see which one works for you. New apps are coming out all of the time. Or if you’re the creative type, try a bullet journal.

Remember to balance your workload. While it’s tempting to tackle high-priority tasks first, mixing in some less urgent tasks prevents burnout. For example, after a challenging project, switch to a lighter task to give yourself a mental break. This way, you sustain productivity and stay engaged and motivated.

Establishing a Timeline

Creating a timeline is essential for turning your goals into reality. To do this, you’ll set a deadline for each of your goals, which helps maintain momentum and accountability. A well-defined timeline offers a clear picture of what needs to be accomplished and by when, making it easier to stay on track.

Here’s how you can establish a timeline for your life plan:

  1. Break Down Goals: Divide your larger goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. This makes it less overwhelming and offers frequent opportunities for progress checks.
  2. Set Deadlines: Assign a specific deadline to each task. Ensure these deadlines are realistic to avoid unnecessary stress. For instance, if you want to improve your communication skills, you might set a three-month deadline to complete a workshop.
  3. Utilize Tools: Use calendars, planners, or digital tools to visualize your timeline. This might include setting reminders or milestones to regularly assess your progress.
  4. Review and Adjust: Periodically review your timeline to ensure it’s still relevant. Life is unpredictable, so be flexible and willing to adjust your deadlines if necessary.

Establishing a timeline gives you a structured plan to follow, enabling you to move forward with confidence and clarity. Stay proactive and keep your end goal in sight, and you’ll be well on your way to success!

Life Plan Tip: Building a Support System

Having a robust support system is crucial when creating a life plan you can follow. This network of people can provide you with encouragement, advice, and accountability, which are essential for staying on track and achieving your goals. Whether you’re working solo or as part of a team, the right support system can make all the difference in your success.

Who should be in your support system? Start with those who are closest to you. Family members, friends, mentors, and colleagues can offer invaluable perspectives and motivation. Additionally, consider joining groups or communities related to your goals—whether they’re professional organizations, local clubs, or online forums. These groups can introduce you to like-minded individuals who share similar dreams and challenges.

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One practical strategy is to improve your communication skills to foster stronger support relationships. Pay attention to your tone of voice, make eye contact when speaking, and actively listen to others. Techniques such as paraphrasing and displaying empathy can significantly enhance the quality of your interactions, making your support system more effective.

Finally, don’t forget the importance of regular check-ins. Monitor your progress and share updates with your support system. This keeps everyone informed and engaged, and offers a consistent measure of accountability. It’s also a great way to celebrate small wins, receive constructive feedback, and adjust your plan as needed.

Remember, building a support system is not a one-time task. It requires ongoing effort and nurturing. But the rewards—a network of people who are invested in your success—are absolutely worth it.

life plan

How do Successful People Maintain Their Life Plan?

It can be frustrating to try and try to get close to your life plan, all the while watching other people achieve and maintain theirs. What are their secrets?

The good news is they follow the steps outlined above. They set actionable, achievable goals, which they break down into smaller manageable tasks. Then, they track their progress and make the necessary adjustments.

The next strategy is one in which some folks stumble – self-discipline. Successful people prioritize their tasks and stick with their schedules, regardless of distractions or setbacks. By exercising self-discipline, successful people stay focused on their goals and consistently work toward their goals.

By regularly reviewing and adjusting their plan, they can assess their progress and determine what is and isn’t working. A great goal-setting strategy involves these regular assessments and adjustments to stay on track.

One strategy that is key in achieving a life plan is accountability. Successful people share their goals with people they trust, like friends, mentors, or coaches who provide support, encouragement and constructive feedback. By having accountability in place, they stay motivated and motivated.

One step that often is cast aside is self-care and establishing a balance in your life. While marching toward your goals without stopping seems like the best course, a successful person knows the importance of self-care. Maintaining good physical and mental health enables you to manage stress effectively, stay sharp, and follow through on the life plan they have in place.

And the last thing successful people do is cultivate a growth mindset. Rather than viewing challenges and obstacles as setbacks, they see them as opportunities to learn and grow. By adopting this positive attitude, they’re more resilient and persistent in the face of those obstacles and able to continue striding toward their life plan.

Common Obstacles to Sticking to Your Life Plan

One common obstacle to your life plan is not setting clear and achievable goals. They’re too vague, overly ambitious, and have no way to measure progress.

If the goal is too ambitious or if it isn’t something you really want, you aren’t motivated, which is a huge obstacle. By setting SMARTER goals, you can overcome this.

Another obstacle is not having a structured routine. For me, not planning my week makes me feel unfocused. I fall behind on my goals and everything just feels loose and unsettled.

Create balance between work and relaxation and schedule time for self-care.

If you’re facing a task you don’t like or that feels too difficult, you’ll procrastinate. It’ll derail your life plan before you get started. Instead, develop strategies to battle procrastination, like breaking the task into smaller tasks and setting deadlines.

Sometimes, life gets in the way. Health issues, family emergencies and job loss make you feel dejected. Build flexibility into your plans and know you may need to alter your plans to accommodate for challenges.

If you battle stress and anxiety, you may struggle to stick to your life plan. By prioritizing self-care and seeking professional, you can manage these obstacles.

Sometimes, a financial restriction gets in your way. Furthering your education, starting a new business or joining a gym can be difficult if your finances are tight.

Evaluate your budget and trim or eliminate expenses to fit these things in. Explore funding options for your goals. In some cases, an employer will pay for you to advance your education if it benefits them too.

And finally, as mentioned previously, a lack of self-discipline can derail your life plan. Build your self-discipline by starting small. Take small, consistent actions and reward yourself for hitting those small milestones.

How to Track Your Life Plan Progress

One great way to track your progress is by using a journal or diary. Use this to reflect on your achievements or areas in which you need to adjust. This more personal and introspective approach helps you focus without judgment.

You can also use digital tools. There are too many to name, each with specific tools that will help you with your specific goals. Set up notifications and be sure to use date due features to remind you of where you should be focusing your attention.

Another tool some prefer to use is a spreadsheet. These enable you to create timelines, milestones and easily track metrics. You can update progress and have a visual representation of how well you’re doing.

A more creative tool is mind mapping, which will help you visualize your goal and map out the tasks. If you’re a creative person or someone who’s visual, this is a great way to work through things.

Regardless of which tool you use, regular assessments and reflection will help you stay on track. The key is setting aside time to make those assessments and evaluate where you are, what obstacles you are facing or may face in the future and how to hurdle over them successfully.

The more you do this, the easier it will be and the better you’ll become at doing it. If you find yourself behind, don’t be discouraged. Simply adjust your timeline to one that meets you where you are.

And Speaking of Adjusting…

You’ve read a few times now about adjusting, but what does it mean?

Regardless of what tools you choose, a regular assessment will help you stay on track. If you’re journaling, it’s helpful to go back through your journal after a month and look for key phrases or moods.

For example, if you find yourself writing about being frustrated whenever you’re performing a certain task, consider how you can make that task less frustrating. Do you need to learn something new? Do you need to slow down? Do you need help from someone?

Making the appropriate adjustments will eliminate frustration and help you get back on track.

Another adjustment you can make is breaking the task down into smaller tasks. Get a degree is a very vague and daunting goal but Take a 100-level math class is something you can focus on. It’s targeted and easy to assess. If that still feels daunting, break it down into smaller tasks like Sign up for a 100-level math class – Buy the required books – Attend class regularly, and so on.

Some life goals will make such a huge change in your life that they feel overwhelming. Break them down so they feel less so.

Also, be flexible. Things don’t always work out like you plan but when you’re flexible, you allow for adjustments in the timeline or tasks to be done.

And finally, be nice to yourself. Beating yourself up because you got a C on a test won’t help you do better on the next one. Review the questions you got wrong and learn how to get the right answers. Visit office hours and ask the professor for help. Seek tutoring for classes that are extra hard.

Wrapping Up Your Life Plan

As you reach the end of creating your life plan, it’s essential to take a moment to reflect on the journey so far. You’ve identified your vision, set SMARTER goals, and crafted actionable steps. You’ve learned to prioritize, establish timelines, and build a support system. Now, let’s address how to bring all these elements to a cohesive conclusion.

Celebrate Your Initial Wins: Don’t underestimate the power of small victories. Recognizing and celebrating these milestones keeps you motivated and reinforces positive behavior.

Review and Reflect: Regularly review your life plan to evaluate your progress. Ask yourself what strategies worked, what didn’t, and why. This reflective practice ensures you’re consistently learning and adapting.

Make Necessary Adjustments: Life is unpredictable, and rigidity can hinder your progress. Be flexible and willing to modify your life plan as circumstances change. Reevaluate your goals and timelines periodically to make sure they still align with your vision.

Stay Accountable: Share your goals with a trusted friend, mentor, or coach. Establishing accountability helps you stay committed and can provide you with valuable feedback and encouragement.

Track Your Progress: Utilize a work management tool to keep your goals and progress in one place. Consistent monitoring not only keeps you on track but also highlights areas needing attention or adjustment.

Maintain Balance: Achieving your goals is important, but so is maintaining a balanced life. Regularly check in on different areas of your life to ensure you’re not neglecting any aspect in pursuit of another.

Wrapping up your life plan doesn’t mean the work is over. It’s a dynamic, evolving process requiring continuous dedication. But with a solid foundation, clear goals, and the right mindset, you’re well on your way to creating the fulfilling life you envision.

The first confidence building book for women and a best-seller, Comfortable in Your Own Shoes will prepare you to meet great men and enjoy a happy and fulfilling life. And not just any life, but a life you design for yourself. YOUR life your way! 

Are you ready to start planning that great life? Click below to get started today! There’s no time like now to live your life on your terms!

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