Dating a Recently Divorced Man Comes with Complications
You finally met a great guy after months of meeting frogs. This man showed up on time, smelled oh so good and holds a decent job. Congratulations! There is one small problem you didn’t know until now – you’re dating a recently divorced man.
You think, “No big deal, he’s over her, he even says so.” But a few dates pile up, and you start to realize that her name gets mentioned more often than it should from a man who is over her.
You begin to think maybe he isn’t quite over her, but you keep dating anyway.
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The fact is that recently divorced or separated men cannot recover from their ex so quickly. Even if he hates her – he can’t be in the right frame of mind to see you. So how do you know if he’s ready to date?
Here are 4 things you need to know when dating a recently divorced man.
He isn’t looking at you through the proper lens
He doesn’t see you – he sees his ex and how you’re the same or different from her.
He’s still too close to his ex and instead of looking at you for who you are – he is comparing you to who he was with. That’s not fair to you.
You want him to see you so he can make a fair assessment of your compatibility, just as you’re doing with him. If he is newly divorced, you can bet that he is comparing your every move to his ex.
How you measure up to her in bed, eat your food, and dress all are all being compared to his ex. His head should be clear, so he looks at you without her involved.
Occasionally something will trigger a reaction that relates back to his ex, but you want these times to be few and far between.
When you’re dating a recently divorced man, the pendulum swings too far
A recently divorced man most often chooses someone who is the opposite of the last woman he was with. Not because he should, but because he thinks that will fix the issues he experienced in the relationship.
My friend just divorced after twelve years. His wife was a homebody. Once single, he immediately started dating a woman who was much wilder. He really thought that she was the answer.
She wasn’t. The pendulum had swung too far.
The odds of him flaking are increased
I see this repeatedly. A man who is recently divorced or separated starts blowing hot and cold. His emotions are all over the place and boom – he’s gone. The woman blames herself for this roller coaster of emotions.
But the problem lies inside him. He either misses his ex or despises her and takes it out on the new girl. He might have good days, but the bad days come along a little too often.
You don’t need this. Building a healthy, mature relationship is tough enough without the influx of his ex hanging in the wings.
His mouth gets ahead of his intentions
Another problem of dating a recently divorced man is that he wants to prove to himself that he isn’t a failure, and that he can love. So, he quickly jumps into the relationship making promises that seem too soon and promises he ultimately won’t keep.
- I want you to meet my kids
- Let’s take off to Vegas
- I haven’t met a woman like you before
- Can I see you tomorrow night too?
You get my point. His mouth moves and he might come through with an action or two, but overall, he is an empty suit who isn’t ready for a relationship.
So, what’s a girl to do when she finds herself dating a recently divorced man?
Slow your roll!
Find out his true situation by asking – in your womanly way of course.
- Does he talk about her too much?
- Does he blow hot and cold?
- Is his mouth getting ahead of his intentions?
Keep dating other men
The last thing you should do is put all your chips down on this guy. Nope. Have other men in your koi pond. This way if this guy flakes, it’s no big deal.
I know your gut tells you that if you date other men, he will bolt. That’s okay. If he does, he wasn’t really in it to date you long-term anyway.
A great guy, when inspired by the competition of other men in your life, will step up his game and try harder.
Avoid dating a recently divorced guy altogether
This might be the best idea yet. You don’t need this extra layer of crap added to the mix. Tell him to hit you up in six months or so when he is in a better spot.
He’ll fight you on it and say, blah, blah, but don’t buy what he is selling!
Let him go if he asks
I have a friend who was divorced several years ago. A couple years ago, she began dating a man who was still in the process of getting his divorce, which was taking a while.
They got along great, but one day, he came to her and told her he wanted to break things off. It was a friendly split and, as it turned out, they remained in contact.
The finalization of his divorce came up and he needed to focus on that. Several months later, she was scheduled to have surgery.
He offered to take her to the surgery and bring her back to his house for the first few days of her recovery.
They’re back together. Why? Because he went, settled stuff with his ex, got over the marriage and was ready to date. He had done much of his getting over the ex before the divorce occurred so once it was over, he was ready to go!
Dating a recently divorced man final thought
Finding a man is hard in today’s dating jungle. You don’t need the added pressure of a man’s ex still in the picture. Stand tall and ask him about his past – most men will be all too happy to discuss the breakup especially if it is recent.
If his emotions are still tender, run!